


Pas de Deux

by zwischenimmerundnie



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Attraction, Ballet, Fluff, Juilliard, M/M, Pining, Sexual Tension, Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship, hot for teacher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-06-08 01:33:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 73
Words: 259,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15232437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zwischenimmerundnie/pseuds/zwischenimmerundnie
Summary: Summary: Timothée Chalamet is a 22 year old ballet dancer from SoHo, New York. He is determined, intelligent and has an amazing talent, which can lead him to great places. Ironically, the one person who should be helping Timothée achieve that greatness is the one person who's presence is enough to leave him disoriented, nervous and extremely aroused.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After a few days chatting with @larawashere about how hot Timmy and Armie would be all sweat after a ballet practice I came up with this idea and a month (or two, I kind of lost track by now) of work, here it is.

It's past 7am and I can already hear the angry car horns down on the street. Still in bed, tangled in sheets, I lay with my eyes closed, my fingers brushing against my wet and puffed lips and my hand tightely wrapped around my erect cock.  
I stroke myself slowly, savoring the moment as I replay images of him in my head. His muscled body, his long arms, his thick thighs and the way he so effortlessly moves around the room. I remember his hoarse voice and how strict he sounds, I remember his hot breathing on my neck and the feel of his large hands resting firmly on my arms, my waist and my leg.  
I arch my back in ecstasy, dribbles of sweat running down my chest as I let a low throaty moan escape my lips. My body trashes around on the bed as I throw my head back and from my lips I let his name escape over and over again. I shoot my load all over my boxers, biting my lip and sucking on the flesh as I try to get my breathing back to normal.  
I remain in bed for a little longer, my body relaxing in post-orgasmic bliss, while my head spins and I curse at myself for fantasizing about him once again. I know I shouldn't do this, but it's something I no longer can control.  
I check my phone and lazily get up from bed, my body languidly making its way to the bathroom almost in automatic mode. I moan the second the cold water hits my body, the pressure of the stream works almost as a massage and soon enough my muscles are relaxing and my mind is clear.  
I put on some clean clothes, grab my bag and head out of my apartment, a quick stop to Starbucks so I can get myself a croissant and an iced tea. As usual, the barista can't get my name right, but at this point I just take this as part of the day's ritual.  
The walk from my apartment to the studio doesn't take longer than fifteen minutes, the crowded streets of SoHo making the task much more interesting. I like to look around, spot the most stylish woman and the guy with the worst haircut. It's harmless, it's fun and it makes my mornings a little better.  
Once I make my way inside the old brick building, I take the stairs two steps at a time. I'm fully aware my little rendezvous early this morning caused me to be short on time and I have no intentions on being late once again. _He hates when people are late._  
As I walk inside the studio I see the usual eleven guys, all of them already warming up, stretching and putting on their shoes.  I greet them all as I make my way to the back, where Ansel is looking at me with an eyebrow raised.  
"You're late"  
"Actually, I'm not"  
He rolls his eyes at me. "Two more minutes and you'd be"  
I shrug, taking a quick look around the mirrored room. "Is he here already?"  
Ansel opens his mouth to speak, but before he can actually do it, I hear his voice reverberate around the room. I turn to him and bite down hard on my lip, he is in all black today, his blond hair combed back and I know this will make practice a task way harder than it already is.  
"Everyone in line, centre practice", he says and we all rush into position. He walks back and forth along the room, his blue eyes stuck on us as he corrects any mistakes on our postures.  
_He likes perfection and I like to give it to him._  
I keep my eyes stuck on my reflection on the mirror and from the corner of my eyes I can see him coming closer. Soon enough he is standing right behind me and I feel a soft touch on the small of my back. Our eyes meet through the mirror and he pushes my back, forcing me to project my chest forward.  
My lips quiver and I have to bite into it. The idea of him touching me sends a shiver down my spine and I'm afraid he can see it, that he can feel it as my body responds to such a light touch.  
He doesn't though, or if if he does, he chooses to ignore it. Without a word, he walks back in front of us, turns on the music and leans against the mirror. I hear his guttural voice counting and take a deep breath as I try to regain my focus and direct it to what it really matters.  
When he says _**eight**_ we start moving. Lean, muscled bodies dancing in almost perfect synchrony. Our movements are graceful and yet still full of impact as he watches us, piercing eyes, arms crossed and a serious expression.  
"Turn-out", he shouts. "Assemblé and return to fifth position. Repeat"  
My breathing is slightly more laboured as I follow his commands. As if the infatuation for him isn't enough, the way his voice sounds as he directs us nearly makes my knees buckle. I have to use all my strength to keep myself together and even though I try really hard, there are moments I simply can't do it.  
"Watch your arms, Timothée". His voice calling out my name brings me back to reality and I briefly meet his gaze. He arches an eyebrow, points at my arm and I quickly correct myself. I must not disappoint him.  
"Arms on third position. Plie. Plie. Saute and back to first position". His head and feet moves along with the music, sometimes a short, almost imperceptible smile appears on his lips but it disappears all too soon. I don't think I have ever seen a proper smile on his face in the entire year I'm attending his classes.  
The class goes on for hours, four to be exact. We have a break and then get back into routine. It's tiring and sometimes frustrating, but at the same time we all know this is what it takes to achieve the level of professionalism we all aim for.  
By the time the clock hits midday and the class is over, my tighs are burning and I can feel the muscles on my back twitching. My feet hurts, but I've gotten used to it, nothing that a warm bath wouldn't solve.  
I rush to my bag, pulling on my sweatpants and remove the headband from my hair, my dark curls falling down into my eyes. I swing my bag over my shoulder as I follow the guys to the door.  
"Timothée, you stay"  
His voice causes me to stop almost immediately. I arch an eyebrow, looking at him over my shoulder for a brief moment before turning my gaze back to Ansel, who's waiting for me by the door. I give him a nod and he leaves while I make my way back.  
I don't get too close, fearful that being too close to him might do some damage. Each day that passes I seem to get more and more drawn towards him and it's a feeling I both love and hate.  
"Something wrong, Mr. Hammer?"  
"You've been a little distracted today. Is everything okay?"  
I nod and try to put on the most nonchalant face I can. "Everything's okay, I just had a bad night of sleep. I am sorry I wasn't in my best today, but it won't happen again"  
"I surely hope not, I've been calling out your attention for awhile and I expect you to get back on track. You can go now, but please make sure you are well rested and on time tomorrow, I don't want this to keep on happening"  
"Don't worry, Mr. Hammer, I promise you it won't happen again"  
He nods and I quickly make my way out of the studio. Ansel is waiting for me downstairs, leaned against the wall as he chats with his girlfriend over the phone.  
"You coming to lunch with us", he asks as he hangs up the phone.  
"I can't. I have to go home and take a quick shower, I need to be at the bookstore by one"  
"You're coming to Tony's tonight though, aren't you?"  
"Yep, I'll be there tonight."  
"Okay, I'll see you then"

****

It's past nine when I finally arrive at the bar. The place is packed and I have to squeeze myself in between all those people so I can actually reach the table Ansel and some of our friends are. They are all laughing, their voices are loud and is clear most of them are already intoxicated. As ballet dancers we should try our best to keep a healthy diet and don't drink much alcohol, but we are still young and sometimes all we want is to have some fun.  
They scream my name as they finally notice me and I give a shy wave. I sit beside Ansel, who swiftly slids a shot over to me. I drink it in one quick go and before I can even set my glass down, there's already another one waiting for me.  
This goes on for a while and about one hour later -and maybe too many shots in-, someone changes the subject from our favorite chips to Mr. Hammer and something inside of me ignites. I had managed to spend most of my night without thinking about him, did we really had to start discussing him now?  
"He's a fucking asshole half of the time", someone says.  
"Look, he's one hot guy and I'd love to get a piece of that ass, but I don't get why he's always so damn angry", another voice echoes as I sit there, playing with my drink.  
"He's a fucking jerk, that's what he is. If he wasn't so damn good at his job, I'd be gone by now"  
I bit my lip as I hear they go on and on about Mr. Hammer, a part of me wants to stay quiet, keep my thoughts to myself so I won't drawn any attention to me and my secret infatuation, but at the same time, I can't help but stand up for him.  
"He's none of those things", I say and suddenly feel all eyes turn to me. "Mr. Hammer is not an asshole nor a jerk, he's just strict and only because he cares. He knows our potential and he wants us to achieve greater things, that's why he's always making sure we're at our best behavior"  
"Of course you say that, you are his favorite"  
My eyes go wide at this and everyone starts laughing. Soon enough I'm caught in the middle of all their teasing. They claim Mr. Hammer only has eyes for me, that he is always correcting my posture because he wants a piece of me and so much more things that in all honesty, hit a bit too close to home. I gulp down my drink as I try to look cool and collected, no one can figure out I am attracted to the guy.  
The banter goes on for awhile more, but they eventually forget about me and focus their attention on something else. I do the exact same, my eyes darting to the little space that people use as a dance floor.  
There I spot a handsome and tall guy right in the middle of the crowd. He is dancing, his body moving sensually and  eyes, big and brown, are stuck on me.  
"That guy's look is the definition of eye fucking". I turn to my side, arching an eyebrow at Ansel, who's looking at me with a grin on his face. "Oh don't look at me like this, he's practically undressing you with the power of his stare"  
"Stop it, none of that is going on"  
"Are you fucking blind? Look at him, he wants you and he wants it bad"  
I bit my lip and take a quick look at the guy again, before turning back to Ansel. I am not really the kind of guy who has many one night stands, but I suppose if there's something that can get my mind off of a certain ballet professor is a night of carefree flirting.  
"Seriously bro, go over there and have some fun"  
I drink one last shot and get up, making my way over to the dance floor as the beautiful stranger smiles wide at me. The moment I reach him, we start moving our bodies together and he wraps an arm around my waist.  
The music gets louder, the lights flicker in a hypnotic kind of way and when I least expect we are pressed together, lips locked in a wet kiss. He tastes good, his lips are soft and I soon find myself lost in the kiss and the feel of his hands on my body.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée´s night out has consequences and Mr. Hammer shares some very exciting news with his class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don´t even have enough words to thank you all for all the amazing comments on the first chapter of this fic. I was extremely overwhelmed by your words and how much you guys seemed to enjoy it. I can only hope you keep on liking it, cause there´s still a lot to come.

At no point had I thought of ending the night with anyone, all I wanted when I went to that bar was to be with my friends, have some much needed fun, maybe a couple of drinks and forget -even if only for a few hours- about the one person who´s constantly on my mind. In the end, the night turned out way more intense than I could have expected.

The kiss we shared on the dance floor started sweet, soft and tamed, but as the light went darker and the music got louder, our kiss turned into something more ardent. By the time we were out of the bar, secluded by the darkness of an old and nasty alley, we made out like two adolescents on the prime of puberty. We groped and rubbed each other, we sucked and bit on each other´s skin and shared sloppy kisses while our moans echoed in the quiet night.

It didn´t take long for us to move things to my apartment and by the time the door was closed behind me, clothes were thrown to the ground and he was on his knees, sucking me in earnest while I knotted my fingers on his thick and short hair. Our night together was rough, sweaty and truly amazing. He marked with his seed and I did the same with him, and by the time he figured out I was a ballet dancer, it was easy to see the amusement and lust taking him over. Seconds later he was all over me again, begging me to let him fuck me once more. The silent fetish some people have for ballet dancers -male and female- still surprises me.

Of course my night of...well, debauchery is the only word I can think of right now, had consequences. As I lie on the bed, still completely spent from hours of sex with a guy I´ll probably never see again, my alarm goes off for the third time this morning and although I know I have to, I have absolutely no strength left in my body to get up and do something.

But then I think about  _ him _ , I think about how he is waiting for me at the studio, I think about the look of disappointment he will surely direct me as I am once again late and something ignites inside of me. I think about how angry he will be now that I broke my promise and instead of being nervous -maybe even scared about it- the thought arouses me.

I would be lying if I said I never thought about him slamming me against the studio´s mirror and ravishing me, or that I don´t constantly think of him spanking me until my ass turns bright red while he makes sure to tell me never to be late again.

I curse at myself as I feel my cock growing hard and with the little bit of strength I have left in me, I rush to the shower. The cold water washes away any left traces of sleep and tiredness, but the images of Mr. Hammer -and consequently my hard on-  remain very vivid.

It´s 8:20am when I finally make it inside the building. I take the stairs two steps at a time, the sweat running down my forehead, my hair falling down my eyes and my breathing heavy and troubled. If this is any indication of how the rest of my day is going to be like, then I know for sure I am fucked.

I feel all eyes turn to me the moment I step inside the studio and bite down on my bottom lip. My eyes scan the room, everyone is sitting on the floor -most of the guys still in their sweatpants- while Mr. Hammer stands in front of them. His blue eyes are locked on me, a piercing look that seems like he is digging through my soul.

“Glad you decided to join us, Mr. Chalamet”. His voice is strict and loud on the quiet room and I feel a lump on my throat. Right now I have trouble even looking him in the eyes.

I mumble a soft  _ sorry _ which I´m not even sure he hears it and rush to sit down along with the others. When I finally allow myself to look up at him once again, I can feel my heart beat faster and all blood rush to my groin. Looking at him from underneath makes his look even taller, even more masculine and all I can think of is his large hands on my waist as he manhandles me, throwing me around and doing to me whatever the hell he wants.

_ Fuck, Timothée, get a grip! _

“As I was saying before Mr. Chalamet decided we were worth of his attention, the auditions will be held on the first week of December. I know you´re thinking there´s enough time and that there´s no need to rush, but that´s not true. We´re in July, the months are gonna fly by and when you least expect, it will be time for you to deliver the greatest performance of your lives so far and I want you all to prepare. This might be a once in a lifetime opportunity, one that can open so many doors to all of you and I want you guys to take it as seriously I do”

I stare at him with a mix of adoration and confusion. Adoration because I don´t think I have ever seen him so passionate and excited about something. And confusion because, well I have absolutely no idea of what he is talking about.

“Of course there are things we will discuss along the way, but I need you all to know that classes will inevitably get more intense and I expect to see you on your best behavior. Weekly, each one of you will perform a solo routine for me and the rest of the class. I´m not gonna demand anything extremely elaborated, but be aware this is how I will see what´s good and what needs improvement. Are we all clear?”

They all nod and I go along with it, my head enthusiastically bouncing up and down. I see Mr. Hammer turn to me almost immediately, a hint of a smirk and eyebrows raised. He´s clearly amused by the fact I´m sitting here pretending to know what he is talking about when he knows I don´t.

Our eyes remain on each other for a couple more seconds before she shakes his head and turns his eyes back to the group. “Get up and prepare for centre practice, we´ve got a lot of work to do”

 

                                                                                                      *******

 

“Saute!” His voice fills the air as he walks back and forth in the front of the class, his sharp eyes wandering to each one of us. “Plie, Pirouette and transition to an Arabesque with arms in fifth position”

My feet move fast, my left leg extended behind me as I watch him come closer and I take a few long breaths, doing my best to keep myself together. He watches me up and down, shakes his head and moves along.

“Straight out your leg, Timothée, and watch your arm, I asked for fifth position, not whatever this is”

I let out a heavy sigh. This is the fourth time he has called out my attention today, his coarse voice echoing in the studio and making everyone look at me. I wish I could hate him for making me go through this, tell him to go fuck himself and that I wasn´t that bad, but that would just be bullshit.

I know he is right, I know I haven´t been in my best, but what am I supposed to do when the reason to my lack of focus is the person´s who´s trying to make me better?

“...and we finish with a Grande Jeté”. As I land back to my feet, breathless and sweaty, my eyes instantly land on Mr. Hammer. His eyes are stuck on me, but different from most of my fantasies, he is looking at me with disappointment. I suck on my bottom lip, move my eyes to the floor and curse at myself.

“That´s all for today, you can all go now”

From the corner of my eyes I see everyone walking around, collecting their bags and rushing out of the studio. I sigh as I follow everyone, grabbing my things and swinging my bag over my shoulder.

“You´re going to the bookstore now or you want to go grab something to eat”, Ansel asked as we made our way to the door.

“I´m dying for some food right now, I barely had time to eat anything this morning”

Ansel chuckled. “Judging by the time you made it here, I would be surprised if you had time to do anything. Was last night so great you couldn´t make it out of bed?”

I roll my eyes and punch his shoulder before walking past him and just as I´m about to reach the door, I hear Mr. Hammer call out my name. A part of me thought he would let me walk away, but deep down I knew he wouldn´t let me off the hook. I promised him I would be better today and to say I wasn´t would be an understatement.

“I´ll wait for you downstairs...again”, mocked Ansel as he made his way past me and out of the door.

I turn around, trying to put on a serious face, but I´m pretty sure all I can achieve is to look like a freaking adolescent in front of the school´s principal after being caught for the first time doing something wrong, scared and a bit confused.

“I thought you said you would be focused on practice today”. I remain quiet, fidgeting with my fingers and looking down at my feet. “Do you even know what I was talking about when you got here?”

I swallow hard, my eyes finally meeting his as I shake my head. “I wanted to ask, but I was already late and I didn´t want to interrupt you”

“I got you all an audition for Juilliard”

I can actually feel my eyes going wide as I stare at him. “What?!”

“Exactly. I got you all a chance to audition for Juilliard´s Winter Program, something that could help you guys achieve greatness and where was my best student when I was sharing the news? He was late...again”

“I´m sorry, Mr. Hammer, I really am”

“This is not something new, Timothée and you know it as well as I do. In the last three months your performance has declined, you arrive late at least twice a week, some steps you have never gotten wrong, now seem to be a great challenge and no matter how hard I try, I do not understand what is happening. Are you in any kind of trouble? Or you´re simply not into this anymore and you don´t even give a shit about how you´re doing?”

I blink a couple of times as I try to figure out what to say to him. Am I supposed to look in the eye and say I am so desperately in love with him that I can´t even concentrate on the one thing I love the most? That would make me look even more of fool than I already look right now.

“No, that´s not what´s going on. I love ballet, I love your classes and I know I haven´t really been on my best lately, but all I can do right now is apologize”

“I don´t need your apologies, Timothée. What I need from you is concentration, because you have too much talent to waste and this opportunity that came along is not something that comes easily. You might never have this chance in your life again and I don´t want you to regret any of this when you´re older.”

“I´m sorry for everything, Mr. Hammer. I appreciate your concern and I want you to know that I will do my best to be prepared when the audition comes. I love ballet and I won´t risk losing such a great opportunity”

“I hope you stick to your promise this time.”

“I will,” I say practically in a whisper.

“You can go now, but I expect to see a least a glimpse of your old self by tomorrow”

I nod, a small smile on my lips. “You will, don´t worry”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée decides it's time to change if he really wants to get a chance to join Juilliard and Mr. Hammer has a proposal that is almost irrecusable.

Cappriccio in B by Bach is playing on the background as I sit down in bed, covers pulled up to my waist, shirtless and with a book in my hands. It's Thursday night, Ansel and the guys are all at Tony's, drinking, dancing, having the time of their lives and yet here I am, alone in my extremely hot apartment with  _ 1984 _ as my only company. 

The book is great, the story is catchy and terrifyingly current, but I have to be honest and say this is the last thing I imagined myself doing today. I hadn't opened this book in weeks, but since I spent my entire work hours thinking about what Mr. Hammer had said to me, I decided that today was the best day to get back at it, after all, that also meant I was going to stay home and actually make it to bed early, which luckily would mean I wasn't gonna be late tomorrow. 

His voice saying I was talented and that he considered me his best student had been engraved in my brain for the whole day, the look of disappointment on his face as I finished class too. He believed in me and all I had done the past two -maybe three- months was make him doubt my abilities and my commitment to ballet and his classes. 

Since disappointing him was truly the last thing I wanted to do, I had decided it was time for a change. I had to get myself back on track, exercise more, drink and party less and most importantly, find a way to keep the sexual thoughts of him out of my mind during classes. I knew it wouldn't be exactly easy, I knew I would have to work hard to get back to my usual self, but if I wanted to show him I could be better, if I wanted to make sure I got a spot on Juilliard this Winter, I had to make some sacrifices. Not going to Tony every night was one of those sacrifices. 

I close the book as my eyes start to get heavy and turn off the music too. I put the phone and book down on the nightstand and slid down the bed, throwing the covers away. I stare up at my ceiling, the fan spinning around and images of a sweaty Mr. Hammer take a hold of me. This is exactly what I shouldn't be doing, but apparently he's got some kind of weird spell or voodoo on me, something that makes me think about him every hour of every day. 

It doesn't take long for me to slid my hands inside my boxers, tugging on my half hard cock and stroking it slowly. I lick my lips at the thought of him, the look he gave me this morning as I arrived late and interrupted him. I feel a burning sensation all over my body, my toes curling up and my hands moving fast, wrists twisting to increase my pleasure. 

_ Mr. Chalamet. Mr. Chalamet. Mr. Chalamet. _

The way he speaks my name echoes in my head and it's almost as if he is lying right beside me, his lips brushing against my ears as he whispers. My body trembles, my back arches and my ass clenches, low moans and repeated  _ fucks _ leaving my puffed lips. The thought of his hand sliding down my sweaty chest and to my cock makes precum ooze out of me and I throw my head back in ecstasy. 

_ Mr. Hammer. Mr. Hammer. Mr. Hammer. _

I moan his name and in my head I can see his blue eyes staring deep into me, encouraging me. I trash around on the bed, my cock throbbing uncontrollably before I start shooting on my hand and boxers. 

I swallow, beads of sweat running down my body, the sheets sticking into my back. I sigh and make my way to the bathroom, letting the cold water hit my head and slid down my entire body. I guess I can't really say this night was a waste.

  
  


***********

 

My eyes wander around the studio as I lean against the barre. Ansel is on the floor, putting on his pointe shoes as he babbles about this great idea he had for a routine. I'm assuming it is the one he will be performing for the class soon, but to be quite fair I am not really paying attention.

From the corner of my eyes I can see Julian walking over to Mr. Hammer, his skinny ass swaying side to side as he approaches him and a wide smile on his lips as he says something I can't quite understand. Mr. Hammer has his eyes locked on him, paying close attention to whatever he is saying. Julian bounces from side to side, his fingers running through his blond hair and I can't help but roll my eyes. 

I have an urge to walk over to him and just tell him to fuck off, but I know better than this. The guys had already teased me enough about Mr. Hammer the other night, I should try as much as possible to keep myself quiet when it came to him. The last thing I needed was anyone picking up on my attraction towards him. 

I feel a hand slapping the back of my head and snap out it. When I turn to my side, I see Ansel looking at me with a mocking smile.

"What the hell?!" 

"You're drooling" 

I roll my eyes at him. “Fuck off, will you?”

He laughs a little as he leans against the barre too. "We were waiting for you yesterday night, what happened?" 

"After being called out two days in a roll, I thought it would be better to stay home, go to bed early and make sure I'd be here on time today" 

He nods, a malicious grin on his face and I know he is about to go on with his teasing. "Of course, you don't want to disappoint your little crush" 

I feel my cheeks burn at his words and curse at myself. One quick look in the mirror and it's easy to see his words have affected me way more than it should. I hear him laugh beside me and as I am about to say something -although I am not sure anything I say right now can make things better-, Mr. Hammer walks over to the middle of the room, voice loud and clear.

"Timothée, I want you in the middle. Ansel far left and Louis far right". We rush over to our positions, my eyes stuck on his as he looks around the room. "We're gonna start with a series of Plies, then we'll move to an Adagio. I want elongated arms and legs and most importantly, I want you to pay attention so the transitions, okay? I want to see the positions flow from one into another, are we clear?" 

We nod and he plays the music, a slow and thrilling song filling the air as we start moving. My eyes are locked on my own reflection, my knees bending as I move to a Plie. I take deep breaths, clearing my mind from anything that isn't what he had asked us. 

When he gives the signal, we move from Plie to an Adagio. We start with a Croisé, legs crossed in an angle to the mirror. Another beat of the song and we transition to a Arabesque, right legs en pointe while our left legs are extended behind our bodies in a straight line. Fromm then we move an Attitude, the leg leg now bent at the knee in a 90 degree angle. We progress to a  Tour en L´air, bodies girating in the air and once we touch the ground again, we finish with arms in third position and feet on fourth.

“Nice, now we´re back from the start. Five, six, seven, eight, c´mon…”. We start all over again, but this time he walks around the room and corrects any of our mistakes. When he walks past me all he does is lift my arm a little higher and I bite on my lip, keeping my eyes locked on my reflection and trying not to let my mind wander.

By the time the clock strikes twelve I am panting and sweating, but I am happy with the fact Mr. Hammer has only called out my attention twice in the four hours we've been here. Of course it would be better if he didn't have to, but judging by how crap my performance was on the last couple of weeks, I can easily say today's practice was a fucking success. 

Ansel is the first one to leave, Violetta is waiting for him outside and he wouldn't dare to leave her waiting. We often mock about how she has him wrapped around her fingers, but to be quite honest, I think the love and devotion he has for her is kind of cute. 

I'm sore and tired, my legs seem to be shaky and I lazily grab my things and stuff them all in my bag. I take a quick look around the place while I put on my sweatpants and realize everyone has left already, leaving me and Mr. Hammer all alone. 

"Timothée, can I talk to you for a second?" 

I furrow my eyebrows and turn around just as he makes his way towards me. I look him up and down, trying to figure out what the hell did I do today to get called out again. 

"What did I do?" My voice is filled with desperation and as I see an all too quick smile appear on his face, I know he could sense it too. 

"You didn't do anything, actually today has been your best practice in a long time. I wanted to talk to you because I kept thinking about our conversation yesterday, how you said you want to make sure you are ready for the audition and I might have a proposition to make" 

I feel a lump on my throat and it seems like someone knocked the breath out of me. I am completely aware that he actually has a serious proposition to make me, but I'm so far gone I can't help but think the only kind of proposition I want from him involves me on my knees while he feeds me with his cock. 

"What kind of proposition?" I clear my throat as I ask, trying desperately to keep those dirty thoughts away from me. 

"Extra training." 

"Excuse me?" 

He chuckles and I can feel my heart beat faster and my knees buckle. That might be the sweetest sound I have ever heard. 

"I'm offering you extra classes. You are a natural, your talent is something I have rarely seen before and even in the last couple of weeks with all the distraction and all, you're still one of the best ones in class. I know it probably annoys you, but the reason why I've been calling out your attention all the time is because I want to see you grow as a dancer and I think those extra classes can help you".

I blink a couple of times, trying to wrap my head around everything he just said. "Wouldn't that be unfair to the others?" 

"Sadly yes, but right now I'm thinking about what I can do to make sure my best student is at his full potential. Look, you don't need to decide anything right now, go home, think about what I said and then you can decide what it's best for you. Does that sound good?" 

I inhale deeply, my eyes stuck on his as I keep replaying his words in my head. This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity and yet I feel like there's a red neon sign on my head, telling me not to do this. Just me and Mr. Hammer, alone in the studio, his attention on me and nothing else. Would I be able to control myself? 

"Timothée?" 

"Yes. I will think about it and let you know what I decide" 

"Great, now go, I'm sure you have better things to do than stay here talking to me" 

I bite my lip and try not to smile too much. If he only knew I could spend my entire day here, just listening to him as he talks, trying to decipher each one of his expressions and slowly figuring out who is the man behind the choreographer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée talks to Ansel and makes a decision regarding Mr. Hammer´s proposal.

The Weeknd´s voice fills the apartment as I lean against the oven, my attention focused on the pasta I am stirring while Ansel sits down on the counter and stuffs his mouth with chips and beer.  
“Hey, can you grab the plates?”  
He nods and quickly hops off of the counter and walks over to the cabin, taking two plates with him. He opens another beer, takes a few sips of it and sits down at the stool just as I make my way over.  
“So, do you plan on telling me exactly why you called me to lunch today or am I gonna have to guess?”  
I look up from my plate and let out a sigh. Mr. Hammer´s proposal has been the one thing in my mind ever since I left the studio on Friday and although I know this should be something that remains between the two of us, I feel like doing anything without actually discussing it with Ansel would be a betrayal.  
“Timothée, I can see that you want to tell me something, so just spill already”  
I take a few sips of my beer, my body and mind relaxing a little bit more and I try to think exactly how I´m gonna approach this subject. “Before I left the studio on Friday, Mr. Hammer wanted to talk to me and make me a proposal. I have been thinking about what he told ever since I left the studio, but I wanted to talk to you before making any decisions, mainly because I don´t want you to feel betrayed by me.”  
I can see the look of confusion on Ansel´s eyes as he leans a bit closer to me. “What the hell are you talking about, Timothée?”  
“Mr. Hammer offered to give me extra classes in preparation for Juilliard”  
He furrowed his eyebrows. “I listened to what you said and I am still confused. Why exactly would you think Mr. Hammer offering extra classes would make me feel betrayed?”  
“Because that would give me an unfair advantage on the auditions. I know we´re all in this together and we should all get the same chances, but I won´t lie to you and say I am not tempted to accept it. The thing is, I can take the guys being mad at me for this if they find out about it, but you and I, we´ve know each other for over ten years and I don´t want this to come in between us”  
Ansel lets out a chuckle, shaking his head as I bite down on my lip, waiting for him to say something. “Timmy, I appreciate the fact you wanted to talk to me, but there´s really no need for you to be scared of anything happening between us. You´ve always been better than I was, so that´s your advantage, and judging by how you´ve been doing in classes lately, I think you would be stupid not to accept it. The thing is, I am not sure Mr. Hammer is the most qualified person to give you those extra classes, since he is the reason why your performance has been declining lately”  
I arch an eyebrow, my heart pounding on my chest as he looks at me with a smirk plastered on his face. “What the hell are you talking about?”  
“Oh I see, we´re still playing that game where I pretend not to know you´re head over heels for him?”  
“Ansel, I don´t…”  
“Cut the crap, Timmy. As you said yourself, we know each other for over ten years and I better than anyone know how to read you. You´ve been in love with Mr. Hammer for months now, probably ever since we started taking his classes and as much as you try, sometimes you just can´t hide it”  
I try to find something to say, something that would shut him up, but he is right and there´s no point in lying anymore. I bury my face in my hands and I shake my head, a groan escaping me as he laughs.  
“It is that obvious”, I mumble, face still buried on my hands.  
“For someone who knows you as well as I do, yes it´s quite obvious. If you want to know if the other guys picked up on it, then I don´t think so”  
“Are you sure? All that teasing the other night came out of nowhere?” I finally look up at him again and I´m sure he can see how ashamed I am.  
“That was just general teasing, you came in his defence and of course people would make fun of you for it. Now, when we said you were his favorite, that wasn´t just teasing and this proposal of his kind of confirms it”  
I shake my head. “I don´t think I am his favorite, I think he just saw how I´ve been struggling and wanted to help me out”  
“You have got to be kidding me”  
“What? No, I´m serious”  
“Okay, you don´t get to sit there and pretend you don´t see the fact he gives you more attention than to the rest of us. Sure, we exaggerated the other night when we said he was trying to get into your pants and all, but everything else was true.”  
I groan, shaking my head as he just smiles, sympathetic to the obvious doubts going through my head. I lean my elbows on the table, my eyes wandering to my plate as I try to process everything that´s going on. I don´t think Mr. Hammer sees me as his favorite or that he gives me any special treatment, but I also can´t pretend Ansel´s words didn´t affect me.  
“Timothée, stop over thinking things, okay? Accept his offer, try your best to get back on track and when December comes, you´ll kill it on that audition”  
I smile at him and nod my head. “Thanks man, I really needed someone else´s perspective on this”  
“Anytime, bro. Can I focus on the food now before it gets cold?”  
“Sure”, I say in between laughs as I watch Ansel dig into his pasta like a man who hasn´t seen food in years.

******

The heatwave that takes over New York makes the bed sheets feel sticky and uncomfortable. As I toss and turn on the bed, eyes wide open and a thin layer of sweat on my forehead, I try to find a way to relax, to forget about how hot it is and go get some sleep.  
Of course I´d be lying if I said the heat was the only thing keeping me awake. Mr. Hammer´s proposal and my conversation with Ansel on the afternoon had been clouding my thoughts and even if I did get some sleep, I highly doubt those thoughts would leave me.  
There were things to consider before I could accept his offer. I was crazy for Mr. Hammer, dreaming and fantasizing about him every single day and night, and a part of me was extremely worried that I wouldn´t be able to control myself once I was alone with him, his attention focused only on me. But there was another part of me, one with a more critical thinking, that knew this man was an amazing professional, who was willing to waste hours of his life to help me and it would be stupid to say no to him.  
I groan and turn on the bed once again, my eyes catching a glimpse of the clock by the nightstand. It´s almost 4am and I am suddenly very pleased Mr. Hammer cancelled today´s practice otherwise I would have been late yet once again, or would show up like a goddamn zombie.   
I sigh, my eyes darting to the window and then to ceiling, trying to figure out what to do with my life. This decision could change a lot of things in my life…. For better or for worse.

******

I stand on the ladder, placing the brand new books on their righteous place as I hear the door open and the little bell above it chime. I hear footsteps, pages flipping and a low humming of a song I know, but can´t quite figure out which one is it.  
As I step down, I hear a voice fill the empty bookstore and arch my eyebrows. I know that voice way too well, I hear it every morning in class and every night in my dreams. When I turn around, biting my lip, I see Mr. Hammer standing there, an equally confused look on his face.  
“Timothée, I didn´t know you worked here”  
I simply nod, putting on a small smile as I look at him. We remain like this for a while, quiet and staring at one another. We are used to seeing each other at the studio, where he is the professor and I am the student. We are used to a dynamic where he holds the power and this is a brand new territory, one which looks like neither one of us really knows how to navigate through.  
I clear my throat and put on the best Timothée Bookstore Worker Chalamet facade I can master. “What can I help you with?”  
“I ordered a book a few weeks ago and I got a call this morning saying it had arrived”  
I nod and point over to the cashier. He follows me there and leans against the counter, his long and elegant fingers tracing a few of the books lying there as I click away on the computer. “I need your phone number and full name...or the name you gave when you ordered”  
“Armie Hammer, 889-3375”  
“Okay, just a second”. My voice is low and I don´t even know if he could hear me, but that doesn´t really bother me for too long. As I turn my eyes back to the computer, I can feel his eyes on me and I try to keep myself cool, but his stare is so intense it looks like he is digging through my soul. Ansel´s words fill my head and crazy thoughts take hold of me. Was there any chance that my feelings for him weren´t as one sided as I thought it was?  
I furrow in confusion and surprise when I find his name on the computer. Who would´ve thought I would have all the information I needed about him on my work place? He was a regular client -and how did I not seen him here once, was something I couldn´t really understand- and we even had his address saved on our system. Not that I would ever use that on my benefit, that would be a little too creepy.  
“Tarasov´s Ballet Technique for the Male Dancer, right?” He nods at me, a small smile on his lips and I can´t help but smile back. “I´ll go get, just a minute”  
He nods one more and turns his attention back to the books. I go to the back room, but take one quick look at him over my shoulder, watching as he absorbs himself in the book he is flipping through. He looks so calm and relaxed, so different from the man I am used to seeing every morning.  
When I come back he is by the front door, but he looks up the second I place the book down on the counter. He makes his way over and slides another book over me. My eyes shift from him to the book and I can´t help but smirk.  
Falconer is the tittle, one I have read it just a couple of months ago and that for some reason reminded me of him. Not that this should be a surprise, lately everything reminded me of him.  
“I´ll take this one too”  
“Okay”, I say as I pick up the book and pack along the other. “That will be U$ 100,00”  
He hands me his credit card and I quickly make the transaction. His eyes are on me again, studying me in a way I have never noticed before and I have to do everything I can not to blush a deep red.  
When I hand him the bag with the books, he looks straight into my eyes. “Have you thought about my proposal?”  
“Yes, I have”  
“And?”  
I wanted to think a bit more about this, make sure I was 100% secure of my answer, but when I realize the words are slipping through my lips already. “And I think it would be great”  
“Really?”  
I nod. “I know I haven´t been on my best and I am already trying to get back on track, so I think extra classes will come in handy”  
He smiled at me and I nearly fall to my knees. This is not a quick and shy smile, this is a proper, bright and big smile, one I have never seen before. “I am glad you are willing to do this, Timothée. I think it will be great for you to work a little harder, build up strength and make sure you are in your best form when the audition comes”  
“I think so too”  
“I was thinking we could do it two hours a day, three days a week”  
“That sounds good to me. I work most afternoons, so could we do it at night?”  
“Sure, 7:30 sounds good to you?”  
Anything involving you sounds good to me, a voice inside my head says as I nod. “That sounds perfect”  
“And when can you start?”  
I shrug, leaning against the counter and inevitably getting a bit closer to him. “Any day is okay for me, I have absolutely no plans”. Wow, could I sound any more desperate?   
He chuckles and nods his head. “Wednesday night then, okay?”  
“Perfect”  
“I hope you take this seriously, Timothée. I don´t want you to be late, I don´t want you to miss class for trivialities. I wanna see you committed to this, because if for a minute I realize that you are not taking this seriously, I will have to give up on classes. Are we clear?”  
I nod, eyes stuck on his. “I will take this seriously, I will give my best during class...both of them. It´s a promise”  
“Are you gonna keep this promise? Because the last time you broke your promise quite easily”. His voice is serious, but his eyes tell me there´s a hint of a teasing there.  
I smile, a wide and bright one. “I will. I won´t disappoint you again”  
He nods and grabs the bag with his books. He gives me one last smile as he makes his way to the door. “See you tomorrow morning”  
I watch him close the door behind him with the biggest and most stupid ass smile on my face. I have no idea if this whole extra class thing will work, but I sure as hell will enjoy it as much as I can.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It´s finally Wednesday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the beginning of Wednesday, the extra classes are too important, it deserves a chapter of it´s own.

I grab my bowl of popcorn and head over to the bed as I hear the sound of heavy rain falling outside. The weather had changed drastically over the last couple of hours and instead of going out with Ansel and his girlfriend, I decided it was better to stay home and get myself ready for tomorrow.

 

Having four hours of ballet classes a day was demanding, but now that the extra classes were about to start, I would have to be well rested and strictly following my new routine and diet, otherwise I would get too tired and would only end up disappointing Mr. Hammer again.

 

I sit down on the bed and press play on the computer, the newest adaptation of Stephen King's IT starts playing and I lean back on the bedpost, stuffing my mouth with popcorn and scrolling through some new messages on my phone.

 

I don´t know for how long I am messing around on Instagram when it happens -and to be quite honest, I barely know how I got there-, but when I least expect, I am on Mr. Hammer's Instagram account. There are thousands of photos of him on his tights, dancing or stretching before a routine. One photo in particular calls out my attention and I click on it, seeing the larger version appear right in front of my eyes.

 

He is  _ en pointe _ , his tights clinging into his muscled thighs, his chest project forward and his arms in a perfect fourth position. He is shirtless, his face calm and there's a clear layer of sweat all over him. The photo is stunning, the lighting working wonders on him and I think to myself if I have ever seen something so powerful and beautiful.

 

I lick my lips as I keep staring at the photo, suddenly feeling an urge to be close to him, to have those strong arms tightly wrapped around me. I want to dance with him, I want to feel his hands on my waist as he lifts me up, I want to feel our bodies pressed together as we work on a Pas de Deux.

 

We'll do a Grande Jete and then move to an Adagio, our bodies close and our hands brushing against one another. By the time we are done, panting and sweating, he will turn me around and our lips will touch. He will kiss me hard, his hands holding my hips as I wrap my arms around his neck and suck on his tongue.

A high pitched scream comes from the movie and my phone nearly falls down on the floor as I am harshly brought back to reality. I realize I am sweating already, my hand free hand is palming on my already half hard cock and my breathing is a bit troubled. 

 

I let out a sigh and lean my head back on the bedpost, I can feel my cheeks are burning and I have to close my eyes to try and calm myself down. Just as I recover myself, I feel my phone vibrating on the bed and reach out for it, seeing Pauline´s name light up the screen. I pause the movie as I press the phone to my ear and hear her voice.

 

"Hey sis, how you doing?"

 

*****

 

I sit on the floor, my knees bent and my feet taping the floor to the beat of the music that blasts through my headphones. I take a few sips of my iced tea as I look around the empty hallway and wait for someone else to show up.

 

It's 7:40am and I am starting to grow impatient as I sit here for what it seems like half an hour already. The idea of arriving early had seemed like a good one, but now that I am sitting here all alone, I feel like being on time would be enough. I sigh, stretching my legs out in front on me just as I hear footsteps coming from the stairs. 

 

I look to my right and bite on my bottom lip, watching as Mr. Hammer walks my way. He arches an eyebrow as he looks up from his phone and sees me sitting there. "Timothée, I know I told you not to be late, but you didn't need to be here almost half an hour earlier"

 

I shrug my shoulders and quickly rise to my feet. I grab my bag and throw my cup on the trash next to the door. "I woke up quite early and since I didn't have anything else to do, I thought it would be good to make sure I was here on time"

 

Mr. Hammer furrows his eyebrows as he stares at me for a couple of seconds before opening the door. I follow him in, throw my stuff on a corner and help him turn on the lights. I walk back to my stuff once we're done and tie my hair, remove my sweatpants and stretch out my arms, trying to get rid of the knots on my shoulders.

 

I use the barre as a support as I keep on stretching and then proceed to rest my foot on it. I stretch my arms in front of me and touch the tip of my toes with my fingers while I close my eyes, my body and mind relaxing in preparation for the upcoming exercises.

 

When I feel a large hand on my lower back, my body goes rigid and it's like the air has been knocked out of me. I look over my shoulder and swallow as I see Mr. Hammer standing there, his eyes locked on mine, his face serious and his hand forcing my body further down.

 

"You need to bend a little bit more, make sure your back is perfectly aligned with your leg, you'll work yourself harder, but the result will be better. Also, instead of just touching your toes, I want you to grab your foot with both hands. You´ll probably feel a burning sensation on the back of your knee and on your thighs, which will make you want to stop, but the knots will dissipate much faster and you´ll feel way more relaxed once you are done.”

 

I give him a quick nod and do as told just as I feel his warm hand leave my back. I feel my body relax as he does so, but at the same time I feel as if there's something missing, as if when he was touching me I was a more complete person. I take a long deep breath to calm myself down and focus on what he had told me to do, no matter how crazy I am about him, I must not let those feelings keep on distracting me. What I need right now is focus on enhancing my technique, not on his touch, his presence or his body.

 

"I want you to keep working on the barre for five minutes, then move to feet exercises and once you're all done, try a  _ Grand Écart _ . Okay?"

 

"Okay"

 

I watch him from the corner of my eyes and see as he takes off his t-shirt and starts his own warming up routine. He is so effortlessly beautiful and his movements are always so powerful, it's so hypnotic that it kind of pulls you in and you can barely find your way back to reality. 

 

Sometimes I like to think that he does know what I feel and does this because he wants to tease me, to make me go crazy and see me lusting over him when I should be focused on my own routine. Those thoughts don't last long though, Mr. Hammer is too passionate about his craft to do something like this.

 

I hear the sound of voices and laughter coming from the hallway and look over my shoulder to see some of the guys entering the studio. Mr. Hammer stops his warming up and goes over to his bag, taking his bottle of water and chugging on it. I sigh at the fact we are not alone anymore, but quickly remind myself that it's Wednesday and tonight both of us will be back here and it will be just the two of us, all alone, for two long hours.

 

*****

 

I swirl around  _ en pointe _ , my arms rapidly moving from first to second position. I can feel the drops of sweat run down my back as I move to Grande Jeté, my left leg brushing into the air as if thrown and once I land back on my feet, I take a few steps back _ en pointe _ and finish with a Plie.

 

I do a sequence of Pirouettes, arms in first position and then move to a sequence of fast movements. The Allegro is consisted on three jumps to the right, a Turn-out, then a Tour en L'air and for last a Saute, in which I start off with a Plie, then propel myself up with both feet and land back on the floor on another Plie.

 

"And that's all for today"

 

Mr. Hammer's voice is barely audible as I find myself in a haze of mixed emotions. I am panting, sweating like a maniac, all my muscles are throbbing and yet I can't help but smile at myself. For the first time in months I have been able to focus one hundred percent in class and not get called out. 

 

I wonder if this is because today all my nerves are directed to the fact tonight I will be alone with Mr. Hammer or if I am finally being able to control myself around him and get back to my usual self. Or perhaps, promising him I'd be back to old self made me unconsciously more aware of what I had to do to concentrate. Either way, I can't even begin to describe how pleased I am with myself.

 

I bite my bottom lip, trying to control the goofy ass smile that wants to take over my face and look up, instantly catching Mr. Hammer's eyes. He has a hint of a smile on his face and nods his head in my direction, which obviously makes my heart pound in my chest and my legs shake even more than it already was.

 

"Are we going to lunch or you're gonna keep staring at him for the rest of the day", Ansel whispers on my ears.

 

I chuckle and turn back to him. "Believe me when I say, I'd love to stay here all day staring at him. He doesn´t even need to do anything, you know? He could just stand there and I´d be happy"

 

"Oh, I know you would"

 

I laugh, grabbing my stuff as he makes his way to the door. I run after him, catching up just as he's about to get down the stairs. We get down a few steps in silence, the rest of the guys far ahead. When I fell him nudge my arm, I look to my side, an eyebrow arched in confusion.

 

"What?"

 

"How nervous are you about tonight?"

 

This guy knows me way too well, which can be a blessing and a fucking curse. "Enough, I guess. I think as the day passes it will inevitably get worse, but so far I can handle myself"

 

"Just don't do anything stupid, okay?"

 

"What are you talking about?" He gave me a knowing look and I rolled my eyes. "Do you actually think I'm gonna jump on him and force myself on the guy? Have you seen him? That guy's huge"

 

Ansel smirked. "Guess you spend a lot of time thinking about just how huge he is, don't you?" I can feel myself blush and he laughs. "Oh my God, you actually do. How many times have you beat one of thinking about him?"

 

Now it's my time to smirk. "Do you really wanna talk about this?"

 

He cringes, shaking his head as I let out a hysterical laugh. "Okay okay, let's fill that mouth of yours with food so you won't say anything stupid. Let's go"

 

"You are the one who started this conversation, I'm just going along with it". I wink as he rolls his eyes and walks a bit faster, leaving me trailing behind him.

  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It´s Wednesday night and Timothée is as ready as he will ever be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The much awaited extra class is here....and this is just the beginning ;)

I stare at myself in the mirror as I put on yet another t-shirt. My bed is a mess, filled with shirts, tights and sweaters that I have put on and removed countless of times. I groan, my eyes darting to the clock on my nightstand as I swing my body back and forth.

It's 6:20pm so I still have enough time to figure my shit out before heading to the studio. I know it's silly and very adolescent of me to stand in the middle of the apartment, changing outfits as if I'm about to go on a date, but I can't help myself. Mr. Hammer brings out the most primary and idiotic sides of me and I still don't know how to deal with that.

I know I should act cool and see this as just another class, but I simply can't, this will be just the two of us, his eyes directed only to me, his touch something only I will feel and that is enough to make me a nervous mess. I don't know how or if I will be able to control myself, but I do know I have to do my best, Mr. Hammer has decided to waste hours of his day with me and I don't plan on messing it up in any kind of way. 

I look back at the clock and sigh. I still have some time, but it's quite clear to me no matter how many outfits I try it on, nothing will look or feel good enough. I reach for my bag and stuff my sweater and pointe shoes inside of it, zip up and swing it over my shoulder. 

I reach for my phone and see there's a message from Ansel. He is teasing and mocking me about the class, which doesn't even amuse me anymore since he's been doing this the entire day. I simply roll my eyes and put my phone on the front pocket of the bag, heading out of the apartment, but stopping in front of the mirror one last time.

This night can change everything.

 

******

 

It's 7:15pm when I make my way inside the building and take on the stairs. From here I can already hear music playing, an upbeat but still sad tune that fills the air and I can only assume he is warming up.

As I reach the studio I don't get in immediately, I stand by the door, leaned on the wall as I watch him. He is in all black, his fingers running through his blond hair as he stretches out his legs. His eyes are focused on his reflection in the mirror and I am glad he can´t see me from this position.

He goes  _ en pointe _ a couple of times, setting in the rhythm before he opens his arms in a second position. He stretches out his left leg to the side and slides back close to his body slowly, following the dramatic beat of the music. 

Mr. Hammer does a Pirouette followed by an Adagio, his movements so precise I can barely see as a position transits to another. He is extremely concentrated on what he is doing and yet the look on his face is calm, peaceful and in his eyes I can see just how passionate he is about ballet.

He does an Arabesque, his right leg extended behind his body in a perfect straight line. He then does a Pirouette again, this time a little slower as he brings his leg down and moves to a Croisé position. He does small jumps from foot to foot to his right and then to his left before bringing his feet together for a Sauté.

Mr. Hammer's arms are perfectly elongated throughout all his routine, his muscular legs are always on angle and when he is  _ en pointe _ , I nearly lose my breath at the beauty of it. He is a incredibly tall and large man, he has lots of muscles and yet he moves with such ease and grace that he makes it all seem effortless.

I get completely lost in the sight of him, the way he moves and how his muscles clench with every new position. He is a sight to behold, something so beautiful that belonged in a museum, secured and surrounded by equally as beautiful objects. 

He is in the middle of a Tour en L'air when he spots me. He finishes his move, comes back to the ground and lets his eyes wander to me. He is panting, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he pushes his already damp hair back. I bite on my lip as I give him a side smile, my hand scratching the back of my neck as I try to keep myself cool and collected.

"Timothée, I didn't know you were here already"

"I didn't want to interrupt you, Mr. Hammer"

"This is your extra classes, you're not interrupting anything". He says this while he reaches for a towel to dry off his sweat.

"You were very concentrated and it was so beautiful to watch, I just couldn't find the courage to say anything."

His eyes find mine once again and I can see his eyebrows furrow. It's almost as if he didn't expect the compliment coming from me and for a brief second, while I look straight into his blue eyes, I have a feeling he doesn't really know just how great he is.

I can see a small smile appear on his lips as he looks down and I have to suppress the face eating grin that wants to take hold of me. He nods his head and without a word walks back to where the speakers are and changes the music to something more calm. He lowers the volume as he turns to me and points to the barre.

"Next time you don't stand and stare, you walk in and start warming up, okay? These classes are for your own benefit and you have to make the best out of them." 

I nod my head, throw my bag to the side and tie my hair up, making sure it won't fall to my eyes and fix my tights before I start to stretch up. I keep my feet together and lean my upper body down, the tip of my fingers touching my toes.

He watches me for a moment and then leans on the mirror, chugging down on some water. "Put on your shoes and start with some barre exercises, okay? Then we'll move to Tendu before we can start centre practice"

"Whatever you say, Mr. Hammer". I can hear him chuckle in the distance as I look for my pointe shoes on my bag and since my back is facing him, I allow myself to smile. Call me crazy, but in the few minutes I am here I feel like I am already in the presence of a completely different Mr. Hammer.

 

*****

 

If I had any expectations that Mr. Hammer would take easy on me on the first night of extra classes, that went down the drain after the first twenty minutes of class. He had prepared an entire routine for me to follow, accelerating the rhythm each time I repeated.

I could feel the beads of sweat run down my back, I could feel every single one of my muscles burn and yet he kept on going, pushing me to my limits and doing so with such a nonchalant look on his face that if I wasn´t completely in love with him, I´d have probably punched him in the face. 

“....and we finish with a Grande Jeté”

The moment he stops talking and the music comes to an end, I collapse on the floor. I´m panting, my chest rising and falling with such an intensity I start to think I might pass out at any second. I stretch out my arm, reaching for my water bottle and take a few sips, the cold liquid cooling me down as it runs down my throat.

I lie down on my back on the floor, feeling the shirt cling into my body but finally getting my breathing back to normal. All I want at this point is to go home, have a nice cold shower and sleep until it's time for me to come back to practice once again. 

I can't even remember the last time I felt so drained.

“Tired already?”

“A little bit, yes”

“Well then get yourself together, there´s still a lot to do”

I open my eyes, he is standing by my feet, eyes locked on mine. “What do you mean there's still a lot to do?”

“Timothée, is not even 9pm, class is not over”

“You have got to be kidding me.” I look over at the clock and groan loudly. I feel like I have been dancing around this goddamn studio for days and yet there's still over half an hour of class to go? What the fuck? “I can´t handle anymore, Mr. Hammer, my feets are killing me”

“We have four hours of practice every morning, Timothée, and you go through with it. Believe me, you can do this”

“I highly doubt”

Mr. Hammer chuckles and I can't help but smile. Sure he has been pushing me, but at the same time, ever since I stepped inside the studio tonight he has been showing me a glimpse of another Mr. Hammer, one I had only seen on my fantasies.

I see him stand his hand out for me and I take it without even thinking much about it. The electric shock that goes through me at the touch of his hand is something I should be used to by now, but in reality it still makes me feel weak on the knees.

Once he pulls me up, our bodies are almost pressed together, a scene that if seen by anyone from the outside would sure lead to speculation. Yes, I am not underage. Yes, I have my own job and apartment, but he is still my professor. Mr. Hammer doesn´t seem to care about any of this though, he keeps his eyes down on me and doesn´t pull his hand away until I clear my throat and take a step back, breaking the spell that has fallen upon us….or better yet, upon me.

“Get in third position, we are gonna do something together now”

 

**_We are gonna do something together._ **

**_Together._ **

**_We._ **

 

I can barely process what´s going on as I keep replaying those words on my mind. I know I shouldn´t overthink it, I know whatever he has in mind is completely different from what I have, but just the thought of he addressing us as a  _ we  _ makes my heart beat faster.

Mr. Hammer turns on the music and walks back to me. He mirrors my position and our eyes lock through the reflection. “Okay, so instead of giving you instructions of what to do, instead of teaching you the steps and then guiding you through it, I´m simply going to start dancing and you will mirror each one of my steps. Are we clear?”

“Yes we are”

I know this isn´t a much elaborated task, after years of practice I am able to pick on moves quite fast, but this is Mr. Hammer we are talking about and dancing with him, even if not yet on a Pas de Deux, it´s quite an intimidating thing to do. 

I don´t know how, but he must have sensed my apprehension, because not even two seconds after I am done talking, I can feel him bump his hand against mine. I look over at him and he gives me a reassuring smile while I nod my head.

“Five, six, seven, eight”

Mr. Hammer moves slowly, following the sad and almost gloomy beat. He starts by elongating his right arm above his head while his left foot does a semi circle on the floor. He then stands  _ en pointe  _ and projects his chest forward, a serious and concentrated look on his face.

I repeat everything he does, our movements are almost synchronized, mere seconds separating what he does from what I do. The look in the mirror is fantastic, it almost looks likes I am his shadow, following him everywhere, desperately trying to reach him, but never doing so.

The song starts to change it´s tempo, growing faster and so does our movements. We jump in a one foot Releve, spin around the studio in a series of Pirouettes and then transition into an Assemble, both of us lifting off of the floor in one foot and landing on two.

We go on for almost forty minutes, but to me it seemed like it was only a couple of seconds. Dancing with him like this, seeing his concentration and just being so close to him makes me feel so proud of myself that I have a huge smile on my face throughout the entire thing.

When we come to a stop I can feel every single muscle on my legs spasming and a burning sensation all over me. The sweat is pouring down my body, clinging my clothes into my skin and making me feel itchy.

Mr. Hammer´s hair is disheveled and also glistening with sweat. Some of the golden strands fall down his forehead, framing his gorgeous blue eyes and if I wasn´t already having trouble breathing, I know this sight alone would have done the deed.

“That´s all for today,” he says as he reaches for his water bottle. “What did you think?”

I bend over, hands resting on my knees as I take a couple of long breaths. “You almost killed me, but yeah, it was good”

He chuckles. “Why don´t you drink some water and sit down a little, I wanna talk to you”

I arch an eyebrow as I look at him. Everything was going great and now he wanted to talk? Did I do something wrong without even realizing it? Have I messed up the whole thing completely?

“Timothée?”

I snap out of my thoughts, looking at him a little confused. “Did I do something wrong?”

“The fact I want to talk to you doesn´t mean you did something wrong. Sit down, drink some water and relax”

I do as told. Sometimes I feel like an idiot, a little puppy who´s ready to follow any order he might give me. At the same time, I can´t help but feel even more attracted to him when he is strict, when he bosses me around. I would say it's a weird, complicated and yet very sexy situation.

I watch as he sits across from me on the floor, legs crossed and towel around his neck. He gives me a small smile and I return it, waiting for him to start talking.

“First thing first, I hope you did enjoy the class. I know it wasn´t easy and that you might be in pain now, but it´s only the first night, your body is still adapting to the new routine”

I nod my head. “I know that and yes, it was challenging, but I can take it”

“I know you do and that´s why I am pushing you. I know you have a great talent, Timothée, you can do anything you set your mind to it”

“Thank you,” I say before biting on my lip. His stare and his compliments are making me feel all hot and bothered and I just know I am blushing.

“I believe in you, Timothée, and this is why I offered you these classes. I know you will do great and I hope you are as focused on the next classes as you were today”

“I will be,” I reassure him as quick as I can. “I know I messed up, but I am focused on getting back on track and I will work hard to earn my place at Juilliard”

Mr. Hammer smiles and nods his head. “This is what I like to hear. Keep up this energy and determination and things will work just fine for you. When you least expect the auditions will be here and you´ll be strong, focused and fully prepared for it”

I nod and watch as he gets up, drying off some of the sweat that still glistens in his body. I get up too, drink some water until he turns to me once again, those piercing blue eyes looking straight into my soul.

“You can go now. Once you get home try to relax, maybe have a nice cup of tea, anything to calm down your muscles and your mind. Have a good night of sleep and make sure you are on time tomorrow morning”

The last phrase comes out of his lips with a teasing tone and I can´t help but chuckle. He suddenly looks so young, so free and beautiful. I could easily get used to this new side of him.

“Will do, don´t worry”

I reach for my bag, throw my towel and water bottle inside and swing the strap over my shoulder. I take one last look at him and he smiles and nods at me.

“Good night, Timothée”

“Good night, Mr. Hammer” 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We pick up right after the first night of extra class and see how that has affected Timothée.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m still a bit overwhelmed by the response of this fic, but I love to see all your comments and know a little bit more about the what you think will happen and how each one of you see Timmy and Mr. Hammer. :D

I close the door behind me and lean against it, my bag sliding down my arm and falling to the ground as I stand there with the goofiest smile on my face. Only two hours ago I left my apartment nervous, trying to figure out exactly how the extra classes with Mr. Hammer would go down and now, here I am, even more amazed at the person he is.

The fact I got to see a glimpse of the man behind the professor made me feel closer to Mr. Hammer. Seeing him smile so openly and listening to his tone of voice change as he doesn´t have to address an entire room filled with people. See the way he moves when he is lost in his own movements and how young and carefree he looks when he dances, it almost seems like tonight´s class has made me fall even more in love than I already was.

I bite down on my lip as I hear my phone vibrate on the bag. I sit down on the floor, reach for it and see Ansel´s texts. Curious as he is, I am not surprised to see the four unread texts he has sent me asking about the classes and teasing me about jumping on Mr. Hammer. He knew me well enough to know I really wanted to do that, but would never, ever, get the courage to do so….or would I?

Before I can allow those thoughts to get the best of me, I jump up, throw my phone on top of the bed and rush to the shower. The cold water hits my back and I let out a low moan, I can feel the salty sweat being washed away as well as my muscles relaxing. I close my eyes, let my curls fall down my eyes as I hear Mr. Hammer´s words echo in my head.

_ Have a good night of sleep. _

It warms my heart to think that he worries about me, that he cares so much to make sure I know exactly how good I am or what I should do to relax. He cares...he fucking cares about me... _ ME. _

I sigh, a smile plastered on my lips as I grab my towel, wrap around my waist and head off the shower. I dry myself off quickly, put on some boxers, prepare myself a quick salad and then head over to bed. I´m feeling so tired it doesn´t even take me five minutes to close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

As usual, I dream of Mr. Hammer.

 

*******

 

I leave Starbucks with a cup of coffee in hand and my headphones on. The sun is high in the sky, but there is a cool breeze that makes the heat a bit more bearable and I lazily make my way down the streets, eyes wandering around all the different kind of people that walk past me.

The images of last night´s class are still quite vivid on my head, the smiles, the different tone to his voice and the overall openness of Mr. Hammer left me feeling as if we were more than just teacher and student, I felt connected to him, I felt like he could actually see me as an equal. 

I turn a corner and bite on my lip as I see Mr. Hammer walking a few meters ahead of me. His head is down and his headphones on, I assume he is going through his playlist on the phone and I wonder what kind of songs does he like. Is he a rock guy? Or does he prefer some indie  _ never-heard-of  _ bands? I chuckle at the thought that he is one of those people with a very unique musical taste, one no one can really understand, but he would defend with all his mighty.

I think of walking over to him, I would smile at him and say  _ hi  _ and we would walk together the rest of the way. But then I step back, it´s not even 8am and he probably wants some space, some time to himself before he has to deal with me and another eleven guys he has to see every single day.

What I didn´t think of was that by not walking over to him, I was left with the most creepy scenario of this whole situation: me following him -the right word is stalking, but that sounds a bit too much- while paying close attention to every detail about him.

His hair gains an almost reddish tone to it in the sun, he has such long legs that each step he takes is nearly three of mine. He is all manly, broad shoulders and muscles, but there´s also a natural sway to his hips, a slow and rhythmic sway that almost hypnotizes me.

The moment he reaches the building, he looks to his side and his eyes find me. I try to put on the most nonchalant look on my face, wishing with all my will that he doesn´t realize that I´ve been following him for nearly two blocks now.

“Morning,” he says with a warm smile on his face and I nearly fall to my knees.

“Morning, Mr. Hammer.”

“I see you are making a habit of being early. Should I just leave you with the keys from now on?”

I chuckle, shaking my head as I follow him up the stairs. “I made you a promise that I would be here on time, Mr. Hammer, I´m just trying to keep it.”

“I´m glad to know you are back on track, Timothée, and that you are taking this serious.” Mr. Hammer says this while giving me a long, piercing look and I have to turn my gaze down, avoid him at any cost. I don´t know if it works much though, I´m pretty sure he can see me blushing.

We make it inside the studio and he throws his bag on the floor, takes off his shirt and fixes his tank top, the palm of his hands rubbing against his hard chest in a way I have many times dreamt of doing it. He turns on all the lights and the fans, runs his hand through the barre and checks on the sound. He is meticulous, he always makes sure everything is working just right.

“Yesterday´s class was quite intense for a first day, were you able to get a good night of sleep or did the adrenaline messed you up?”

“Actually, it was one of the best nights of sleep I had in months. I was so tired, I made it to the bed and barely had time to think.”

I lean against the barre as I watch him pace around the room, clean the mirror, look through his phone and kneel down to grab something on his bag.

“Your body is gonna take some time to get used to the new routine, you´re pushing yourself and working almost twice as hard as you were, the first few weeks are gonna be intense. Are you sore? Does your feet hurt?”

“It hurt a little bit yesterday night, but not anymore. As you said, I guess it´s gonna take me some time getting used to this new schedule.”

He nods and gets up, throwing something at me while doing so. I am caught off guard, but manage to catch it before it can hit me in the head. I look down at it, my eyes scanning the small tube as I try to understand what the hell is written on the label.

“It´s not gonna bite you, Timothée,” he joked and I look up at him with a puzzled look on my face. “Use it on your feet after every class, it will help you with the pain.”

“And how come I´ve never heard of this?”

He leans against the mirror, arms crossed and a smirk on his face. “Do you think I´m giving you some illegal shit? A buddy of mine told me about it, it´s an organic brazilian cream that helps sooth the pain, no need to worry.”

“I wasn´t worried, I just….”

He laughs at me, a quick but genuine laugh that makes him squint his eyes and I stare at him as if I have just made it to heaven. I would do everything to have this side of him around me for the rest of my days.

“I was joking, Timothée...I know how to do that sometimes.” The teasing tone in his voice tells me he is 100% aware of the fact most of the guys think he is too serious and a bit arrogant. He probably has heard it as they whisper around and as much as I try, I can´t tell if he is bothered by this or if he likes it and uses in his favor.

A serious and strict professor can be quite intimidating.

“C´mon, since you are here already, better to start warming up.”

I nod and stuff the cream on my bag before removing my oversized shirt and stretching up. “What are we doing first?”

“Start with floor exercises and then move to a Grand Écart, once everyone is here we´ll work on the barre.”

I nod once again and get down to the floor, stretching out my legs in front of my body and rotating my feet in slow movements. I lean forward, my right hand touching my left toes and I count until ten before changing hands.

I hear footsteps coming closer and in a matter of seconds Aaron is walking through the door, a tired look on his face. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” me and Mr. Hammer say in unison but the tone in his voice seems different. I look up at him and can instantly see that his expression has changed into something way more serious, more hardened, at the arrival of Aaron. At that exact moment I start to realize that there is a part of him, a more lighthearted, fun part of him that I am the only one allowed to see.

 

******

  
  


“Gather around!”

Mr. Hammer´s guttural voice reverberates through the studio as we´re all scattered around, getting our bags and taking off our pointe shoes. There´s a moment of silence between us, eyes meeting in stealthy glances. I watch as everyone runs around to the middle of the studio and throw my bag down on the floor before slowly making my way over. 

“What did we do now,” whispered Ansel in my ear as I shrug my shoulders.

Mr. Hammer has his arms crossed and a serious look on his face, but I can see in his eyes that he is not mad or anything. He waits until all of us are close together and lets out a hint of a reassuring smile, which probably makes everyone even more confused than they already were.

"Tomorrow is Friday and as we had planned, the first solo performance of you guys. Steve will be the one performing and I expect you all to be here on time, I want everyone to see the performances, because all of us are gonna work together. For me these performances work as a parameter to see what´s good and what needs improvement, to you guys it will work as a way to get an even more clinic eye about ballet. See this as a kind of a test, I expect to hear comments, questions and critics, we need feedback if we want to enhance our potential. Are we clear?"

I hear some guys mumble  _ clear  _ while others nod their heads and I just go along with it. Mr. Hammer lets his eyes scan each one of us, as if he is waiting for someone to ask something, but as we all remain quiet, he goes on.

“Now let's run through some things again, shall we? You´ll have ten minutes to perform, the choreography can be an adaptation of something already existing or you can create your own, you can add props or whatever you want, you got freedom to decide what's best for you. Of course, you guys must not forget all of that will be taken in consideration, so if you feel even for a second that something is not working out, then please change it as soon as possible. Don't overdo anything, do what makes you comfortable and I can guarantee it will be much better than doing things only to show off."

Another moment of silence follows, no one dares to say anything unless he asks. I bite on my bottom lip to suppress a chuckle from leaving me, the man I spent two hours with yesterday wasn't that scary at all.

“....you are all dismissed now.”

Everyone goes back to what they were previously doing, most of the guys already walking out of the studio. I feel a hand on my elbow, pushing me back and I chuckle, aware Ansel is desperately trying to get any information about yesterday night.

“Need something,” I ask in a mocking tone as he rolls his eyes at me.

“Oh cut the crap, will you? I´ve been trying to talk to you ever since last night and you are deliberately ignoring me. Did something happen?”

I shrug my shoulders, a cocky smile on my lips. "That really depends on your point of view, Ansel. A lot happened, don´t know if it´s what you want to hear it though."

He arches an eyebrow and takes a step closer to me. “Did you two….”

“Of course not, Ansel, don´t be stupid”

“You are making it sound like it.”

"It´s called  _ teasing _ , thought you would know what that means.” He shakes his head while I grab my bag from the ground and we slowly make our way to the door. “He was very professional and I was able to keep myself together…most of the time, at least. We did what we do in every class, we just trained and talked a little bit. You´d be surprised to see just how relaxed he can actually be.”

“Mr. Hammer has a chill side to him? That doesn´t sound right”

I chuckle and take a few sips of my water. “Oh but he has and that  _ chill side _ actually smiles, laughs and can make a joke”

Ansel looks at me with an eyebrow raised and a smirk on his lips. “I didn´t think it was possible, but it seems like you are even more into him than you were before last night.”

“I didn´t think it was possible either, but he keeps on surprising me and I just don´t know what to do.”

“Just be careful, okay?”

I furrow my eyebrows and turn to look at him, confusion taking me over. “Why are you telling me this?”

"Look, just because he is showing you a side that he doesn´t show the rest of us, doesn´t necessarily mean he wants anything other than just teach you ballet or be your friend. I know I teased you about him wanting to get into your pants, and maybe he actually does want, we don´t know for sure, but just go slow and try not to get hurt, okay?"

“Ansel take a look at him, you really think he would be interested in me? A man like him probably already has a girlfriend...or boyfriend, someone who is waiting for him at home after he is done with my classes. I have fantasies with him, every day and every night, but I have no prospects of ever having anything with him.”

“Don´t you?” 

I stare at him while biting on my bottom lip. My words are saying one thing, but I am sure my eyes are saying other, and Ansel knows me way too much to miss that. “Okay, maybe I have a little hope of anything happening, but I´m not gonna let that get in between our classes. I know what my priorities are, okay?”

“If you say so”

“I do say so. Now, enough with this father and son talk, let´s get something to eat because I still have to go to work today”

  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée got cramps and Mr. Hammer is glad to help.

Steve has his arms in _ fourth position _ , left arm forward at the height of his chest and right arm slightly rounded above his head; his right foot is  _ en pointe _ and his left leg is raised to the side and bent on the knee in a 90 degree angle, his foot almost touching his right knee. He is spinning around, a sequence of meticulously trained Pirouettes which then transitions into a almost perfectly done Tour en L´air. His serious green eyes bring a drama to the routine but his pursed lips give away the tension he is going through as he stands there and performs for us...for Mr. Hammer.

We are all sitting on the far left corner of the studio, attentive eyes, focused on every single movement he makes. There are some whispers going around, but one person in particular remains quiet, a silent observer to what's unfolding in front of him. I let my eyes wander to him, biting on my lip as I see him lick his and lean against the mirror, arms crossed on his chest and eyes glued to Steve.

I let a small smile take over me as I watch him. Since he hasn´t done anything yet today, his hair is a little messy and I wonder how would it feel to run my fingers through it, pull on it as his lips are attached to my neck, devouring me as if he was a vampire. The idea makes my heart race and my cheeks flush, suddenly I can see us right in the middle of the studio, where now Steve does an Assemble, his arms around me, low moans escaping my lips and his cock -big and hard- pressed against my hips.

I bite on my lip and take a deep breath as I try to push those thoughts away from me, the last thing I need right now is a boner. Suddenly his eyes find me and I feel every muscle inside of me go rigid, scared of what he might do or say to me. He simple points towards Steve and I nod my head eagerly, turning my head away. 

Steve is on running around the studio  _ en pointe _ , his face a bit more relaxed now, more confident. I pull my legs up, rest my chin on my knees and do my best to keep my eyes focused on him, but the images of Mr. Hammer sucking on my neck are still the only thing in my mind.

 

*******

 

The bookstore is mostly quiet today, Sarah and I spent most of the afternoon wandering around, getting books back to their places, placing new books on the shelves, fixing our customer's data and changing prices. I think three people had walked in throughout the three hours I am here and I am nearly going crazy with boredom.

The fact I´ll be seeing Mr. Hammer again tonight is mainly the only thing that brings any kind of joy to me as I kneel down on the floor, organizing the mess of papers and order notes. I hear Sarah squeal and look up, an eyebrow arched in confusion as she kneels down in front of me, her big black eyes nearly sparkling with delight.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Remember that hot client I talked to you about?” I nod my head and she puts on a smirk. “Well he is here and he is looking like a full meal, seriously, I could eat him up.”

"Okay, let´s see just how hot this guy...", I stop as I get up only to find Mr. Hammer standing on the other side of the room. I take a quick look around just to make sure he is the only one here and let out a small chuckle, shaking my head as I look over at Sarah. "Is that the hot customer?"

“Yes and if you dare to say he is not that hot, then you clearly are in need of some glasses,” she whispered.

“Oh Sarah, you have no idea how hot he is.”

“Right?!” In her enthusiasm, I don´t think she listens to me properly and if she does, she simply doesn´t care. “He doesn´t come very often, but whenever he does he is always in search of this artsy books, which I have never heard of. I think he´s this kind of a hipster to be honest.”

I chuckle,  _ hipster  _ is not a word I´d ever use to describe Mr. Hammer.

“What? Why you´re laughing at me?”

“Timothée.” Mr. Hammer´s voice comes before I can find the time to answer Sarah, and from the corner of my eyes I can see as she stares at me with wide eyes and mouth agape.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Hammer.”

“I was looking for a book,  _ The Roman Revolution _ by Ronald Syme, do you have it?”

“I´ll take a look at it.” He nods his head and goes back to looking through some books while I push Sarah aside so I can reach the computer. I type the name of book and author, her eyes piercing through my back, desperate to know exactly how I know her little crush. Oh if she only knew.

“Are you gonna tell me how do you know him or am I gonna have to take it out of you by force?”

I shrug my shoulders and hear her gasp. I look at her over my shoulder and give her a wink before making my way around the counter and over to the shelf the book must be in. My fingers trace the covers, eye focused on each name until I reach the right book. I pick it up and walk over to Mr. Hammer, who´s by the counter by now, patiently waiting for me.

“This one, right?”

“Exactly it, how much is it?”

“Twenty dollars, but you´re a regular customer, if you pay in cash I can make it for fifteen.”

He arches an eyebrow, eyes wandering from me to Sarah. “Great, I´ll take it.”

I nod and run behind the counter, putting the book inside a paper bag and handing to him just as he gives me the money. “Hope you´ll enjoy the book.”

“Thanks,” he says and then stares at me for a second. “Everything set for tonight?”

“Of course, I´ll be there, no need to worry.”

“Great to hear. See you at 7:30pm”

“See ya.”

It takes only two seconds after he leaves for Sarah to be all over me, her hands tightly grabbing onto my t-shirt, her red hair all over the place and a look of pure curiosity in her eyes. “Tell me everything about this Greek God, Chalamet. How the hell do you know him?”

“He is my ballet teacher,” I say as I push her away from me and fix my t-shirt.

“That´s your ballet teacher? Damn it, do you have vacancies in class, I suddenly feel like ballet could really be my thing.”

“Get a grip, Sarah.” The irony of what I had just say almost makes me laugh, here I am trying to control Sarah´s thirst towards Mr. Hammer, when I can´t even control my own.

“And what is all that  _ see you at 7:30  _ thing, isn´t your classes in the morning?”

I lean against the counter, a smirk on my face as I look over at her. “He´s giving me extra classes at night.”

“You´re getting a piece of that ass?”

“I wish,” I mumbled as she chuckles. “Seriously, he´s just kind enough to help me prepare for the Juilliard auditions that will happen later this year, nothing else.”

“Well, either way you are one lucky bastard.”

 

*******

 

It´s shortly past 7pm when I make my way inside the building, my bag hanging on my shoulder, my hair still wet from the shower and on my face the biggest grin I could master. Only the thought of spending the next two hours alone with Mr. Hammer makes me feel so excited and agitated, I could barely rest after I left the bookstore.

I can hear a very low music as I make it down the corridor, and once I reach the door I feel like the air has been punched out of me. Mr. Hammer is on the floor doing a Grand Ecart, his long legs perfectly elongated and his upper body is leaned down towards the ground. From my position, I have the most beautiful view of his ass and I can feel myself salivate and to my utter despair, my cock come to life.

I scratch my neck and lick my lips, my eyes unable to leave the sight ahead of me despite the fact I know I am in risk of getting caught. As I feel myself getting hard, I have to use all of my strength to turn the other way around. I take a couple of deep breath, run a hand through my now sweaty neck and try to put on a nonchalant look on my face...or at least do my best not to look as horny as I am.

I clear my throat and give a quick knock on the door, a hand strategically placed in front of my groin as I walk in. “Hi.”

I see him look up, his eyes searching for me through the mirror. When he finds me, Mr. Hammer gives me a small smile and I watch as he slowly moves from his Grand Ecart to a sitting position, his legs straightened out before him. “Timothée, I see you´re taking the whole  _ don´t be late _ thing quite serious, huh?”

I let out a chuckle, shrugging my shoulders as I throw my bag on the floor. “I like to keep my promises, Mr. Hammer.”

“Good to know,” he says and there´s something about his tone that gives me goosebumps. I watch him get up, fix his tights and turn around to face me, the sweat making his toned arms glisten. The shirt he is wearing today has a deep v neck and I can see glimpses of his golden like chest hair and it only makes it difficult for me to control my cock, which is by now half hard. “Since you are here already, you can start warming up and then do some stretching exercises on the barre. Today we´re gonna focus on high leg extensions and fast paced routines. Okay?”

_ I´ll do whatever you tell me to do _ , a voice inside of the practically screams and I roll my eyes at myself. Will I ever be able to simply stand near him and don´t let those kind of thoughts fill my head? 

Probably not.

I exhale, push my hair back and start doing some quick and easy warming up exercises and then move to the barre, stretching out my legs and arms, getting my feet and shoes ready as I get  _ en pointe _ over and over again for a few seconds, and doing a few Plies, feeling my blood warm up and my body become more aware, more prepared to what´s about to come.

The bulge in my tights makes it a bit harder to concentrate, the thoughts of Mr. Hammer there, his ass up on a beautiful Grand Ecart still clouding my vision. I try to clean my mind, but while doing the exercises I keep on going back to the exact moment I walked in. The moment I saw him.

I hold onto the barre, close my eyes and try to think about the grossest things I could possibly remember.

A pimple being squeezed.

A bunch of cockroaches leaving a drain.

My grandparents having sex.

That old, creepy and toothless dude that always whistles at me when I walk past Brommer and Sullivan.

It sure works, my body quickly reacts to the images and my cock starts to get down, saving me from an awkward situation with Mr. Hammer.

“Timothée?” His voice snaps me out of my craziness and I can see him looking at me, confused and slightly concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Me? Yes, I just got kind of lost in thoughts.”  _ Thoughts of your ass to be more precise, _ that annoying voice inside of me teases as I try to put on a small smile.

He nods. “Okay. Are you ready to start or you think you need a bit more warming up?”

“I´m ready.”

Mr. Hammer nods and walks over to me. “High leg extensions are not easy, it requires a lot of practice and although you are quite good in it, I know you can be better.  We're gonna start slow, I don't want you to push yourself too hard, but we're gonna try to adjust the little things, okay? Hold onto the barre and start with your left leg, right foot on the floor first and then move to a  _ demi pointe _ ."

I try to clear my head, relax my body and hold tight onto the barre. I´m supporting my body on my right foot, which is on  _ demi pointe _ , my left leg slowly rising up, transitioning from one angle to another. I make a quick stop as my foot reach around my hip and then keep on going, muscles spasming and burning as I feel my leg go as far as it can. It has been a while and since I had not been the best behavior lately, my extension clearly isn´t one of the bests.

I still got my eyes closed when I feel Mr. Hammer´s hand on my lower back, there´s a small shiver that runs down my spine, my right foot almost loses it´s balance and I have to hold my breath for a second. I don´t know how I do it, but I still manage to keep myself together as his free hand rests on the back of my left knee, holding me steady.

“Is this okay? Are you in pain?”

Mr. Hammer is too close, his hot breathing is on my neck and the touch of his hands are like fire on my skin. It burns, it stings and calls out for me. It´s like when you see a candle and you instantly feel your fingers moving closer to the flame, it´s so beautiful but it can cause harm. Does he know what he does to me? Does he have to make things so difficult?

“No, I´m okay.”

 

******

 

The beat of the song is loud, powerful, fast and matches my heartbeat. My body is drenched in sweat, my white tank top is clinging onto my body and turning transparent with each movement I make. I work on a series of Grande Jete, jumping from one foot to the other, when I touch the ground I transition into a series of Pirouettes, my curls falling into my eyes.

I move around the room  _ en pointe _ , arms in fourth position just as the song starts to slow down. I take a few deep breaths, my body starting to relax when his voice echoes around the studio, caughting my attention.

“Keep going,” is all he says and I know he wants me to start again from the beginning.

I don´t even stop. I quickly move my legs into first position, my chest projected forward and arms above my head in fifth position. I then move into a Croisé, followed by two Plies and a Saute. My arms move gracefully from first to third position and my left foot goes into  _ demi pointe  _ before I spin around, right leg bended on the knee.

Mr. Hammer´s eyes never leave me, he is leaned against the mirror and his arms crossed, his foot taps the floor, following the beat of the song. I jump up, turning in the air on a Tour en L´air. Once I reach the ground, I wince, feeling the muscles of my foot contort in one of the most intense cramp I have ever felt in my life.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck…,” I mutter as I fall to the ground, holding onto my right foot as I see Mr. Hammer run over to me with a concerned look on his face. His slides down the floor on his knees, reaching me in less than five seconds as I bite down hard on my lip, tears filling my eyes.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

I try to nod my head, my whole body shaking from the pain as I throw my head back, closing my eyes and praying that this goes away fast. "Yes I am....fuck...oh crap, it's just cramps"

I feel his hands on my foot and open my eyes immediately. He pushes my hand away and stretches out my leg, resting my foot on his lap and I nearly pass out as the pain intensifies.

“Hey, hey, I know it hurts, but you have to stretch out your leg if you want it to get better.”

“Oh fuck, it just….it hurts so bad.”

"Believe me, I know how it feels." He starts massaging my foot and my eyes nearly roll back. The pain is too much and for a quick second I think of reaching out and holding onto his shoulders, sinking my nails into his skin to release some of the pain that is going through me. The little bit of sanity that is left in me knows I can´t possibly do this, so I turn my hands into fists and slam them on the floor. "Is it getting better?"

I take short breaths as I focus my attention on his hands. His touch is soft and his massage is tender, his fingers working on circles on the center of my foot and making the pain go away slowly. I nod my head at him and see him give me a sympathetic smile as a few tears stream down my cheeks.

“You are almost crying, Timothée. Was it that bad?”

I nod. “You have no idea. For a moment I thought all my muscles were starting to intertwine and I was going to pass out from the pain.”

He sighs and intensifies his grip on my foot, his hand moving from my toes to my ankle, making sure to massage every single inch. "When I was younger I used to have lots of cramp, no matter how much I warmed up, it always ended the same way, me on the floor, crying my eyes out as I felt that pain shot through my entire body"

“What did you do to make it stop?”

"Ate a lot of bananas," he said as I arched an eyebrow, making him laugh. "My dad used to say bananas were good for cramps and forced me to eat a bunch of them so it would help me. It didn´t work, of course, and it took me a lot of working out to actually get it to quiet down, lately I only get cramps if I spend too much time without dancing or exercising."

“It´s not something I get very often, but when I do it´s quite painful.” I lie down on the floor, covering my face with my hands and closing my eyes, trying to get my body to relax. My foot is still resting on Mr. Hammer´s lap, his thumbs pressing on the center of my foot and surprisingly easing the pain.

"Your body is still adjusting to the new routine, you intensified your work and you might have to deal with some cramps from time to time. It will get better though, I promise."

**I promise.**

**I promise.**

His voice is sweet and apologetic, almost as if he is the blame for making me go through this. I have to bite down on my lip to suppress a smile, the way he cares about me still makes me feel weird and I don´t really know how to react to it. I´m still not used to that. 

He squeezes my foot and then places it slowly on the floor. I sit down with a sigh and rub on my legs, the pain is all gone now, but there's still a numbness to my foot and I am almost scared to get up.

"Technically we still got twenty minutes of class to go, but I think you deserve to go home. Can you get up?" I nod, but he still reaches out for my hands, helping me to my feet.

A little pain shots through me but it quickly passes and I can breath properly again. I dry out my tears and take a few deep breaths before reaching for my bag. I drink some water as he turns of the music, silence taking over the place.

"When you get home take a warm bath and then massage your feet with the cream I gave you. You'll be just fine"

"Will do it. I better go now, I don't wanna force my foot, so it will be a very slow walk home"

He smiles at me. "I am sure you can do it. See you on Monday"

“See you on Monday, Mr. Hammer.”

  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It´s the weekend and Timothée decides to go out with his friends to have some fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh the slow burn!!! Believe me, guys, not even I expected things to go so slow for these two, but they are not easy people to deal with. But if it makes you guys feel a bit happier, I can say chapter 12 is gonna be a very good one, like VERY good.

The sweat runs down my forehead and back, my rebellious curls fall down my eyes and my muscles burn and spasm. Through my parted lips low moans echo, my cheeks are getting flushed and even my vision turns a bit blurred. My chest heaves and I gasp for air, throwing my head back as I start to slow down my pace.

Kid Cudi is playing loud, the beat of the song motivating me to go on, to push myself harder. I take a few gulps of water, feeling it cool down my body, swipe the sweat out of my forehead and go back to my usual pace, turning down a corner so I can make my way back to my apartment.

It´s sunny and warm in New York but the heat is actually pleasant and not exaggerated, it´s basically a perfect Saturday afternoon. As I jog past small coffee shops, stores and art galleries, I see friends hanging out, groups of people having cold and colorful drinks, families walking over to the nearest park and I wish I could be doing at least one of those things.

But of course life has very different plans for  _ moi _ . Since Mr. Hammer offered me extra classes I knew that if I did accept it -as if saying no was ever a possibility-, I would have to go back to doing exercises. I needed to get more body strength to endure six more hours of practice each week, otherwise I won´t survive one month of his extra training, which truth be told, was something I had no intentions of losing it.

I feel myself getting breathless just as I reach my building and quickly make my way inside. The elevator is not working and I have to take the stairs, five floors on foot, feeling every single muscle in my thighs -even the ones I didn´t know it existed- burn and twitch.

I´m about to reach the fourth floor when the music in my headphones stops and my phone starts ringing. I click answer and instantly hear Ansel´s joyful and very loud voice fill my ears. “Hey dude, what you doing tonight?”

“Hey Ansel, it´s nice to hear from you too. I am doing perfectly fine, thanks for asking.”

There´s a brief moment of total silence on the other side of the line and I just know he is rolling his eyes at me. “Oh cut the crap, will ya? I called because Olivia and I want to know what you are doing tonight.”

“You and Olivia? Please tell me this isn´t you guys trying to set me up on a date again, you know how last time turned out.”

He laughs. “Dude, I promised you I´d never do that again and I am sticking to my promise. Besides, I know right now you only have eyes for a certain blond with a very angry face.”

“He doesn´t have an angry face when he is alone with me.”

“Whatever you say, Romeo. Can you just, please, tell me what you are doing tonight?”

I sigh and unlock my front door, getting inside my apartment and rushing straight to the large windows, opening it up so I can get some breeze. “I am not doing anything special, Mr. Elgort. I had planned to watch a movie and maybe order a pizza, why?”

“Olivia and I are going to SoHo Room tonight and we thought you´d like to tag along. You had a lot of extra work this week and I think you deserve some fun.”

I sit down on my little balcony, chugging down on the last few drops of water in my bottle. “I don´t know, Ansel. Not only I don´t want to be a third-wheel, I don´t think partying is gonna help me much right now.”

“Oh for fuck´s sake, Timothée, it´s Saturday and you are twenty two, you are supposed to have some fun. I´m not telling you to get shitfaced, just a couple of drinks, listen to some music and talk. It will be just the three of us and you can go back home anytime you want.”

I sigh, scratching my neck as I think about it. It´s not like I´m prohibited of going out and drinking, sure I shouldn´t exaggerate but one night can´t kill me.

“Okay, I´ll go.”

“Great, we´ll be there around 8pm, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You won´t regret it, dude.”

“I sure hope not,” I say and he chuckles. “I gotta go now, dude, just made it home from a jogging session and I need to eat something and get in the shower. I´ll be there around 8:30pm, okay? I might need a nap.”

“Taking a nap on Saturday afternoon so he can go out at night...are you sure you are twenty-two?”

“I got an old soul.”

“And apparently a body too,” he mocks and I can´t help but laugh. “You go do your thing and we will be waiting for you with a shot.”

“Just the way I like it.” I let out a chuckle before hanging up and make my way back inside the apartment. I take a quick look around and let out a sigh, taking in the mess my apartment is in. I make sure to put a small lasagna on the oven and then get back to the living room, trying my best to clean up before I can eat.

It´s nearly 4pm when I´m finally able to shower. I lean against the tiled walls, let the cold water hit my back and wash away all the sweat in me. I close my eyes for a brief second, tiredness taking me over and my body screams for some kind of rest. I get out and dry myself off, put on some boxers and head over to the bed, lying down face first into the pillows. My phone is lying next to me, buzzing as I get a new text, but I fall asleep before I can even think of reaching out for it.

 

*******

 

I look at myself in the mirror one more time, biting on my lip as I stare at the reflection and don´t feel particular good with what I see. I am wearing skinny jeans, a black and white striped t-shirt and agot a silver chain around my neck, a look I´d normally go for it when going out with the guys but tonight it seems too normal, too simple.

I go through my closet, picking up almost every single shirt and pants I own, trying to decide what looks good and what not. I groan at myself and sit down on the bed, staring at the mess I have made of my clothes when I finally spot something that might interest me. I grab a tight, black and ripped skinny jeans and put it on along with a burgundy t-shirt, which has a black bird pattern all over it. I put on my combat boots and run a hand through my hair, a smile coming to my lips as I finally feel pleased with what I see in the mirror.

It´s not like I am going out to find myself some guy, but if I saw me on a bar today, I would definitely hit on me.

I hear the buzzer and arch an eyebrow, slightly confused on who could possibly be. I reach out for it, holding it between my ear and my shoulder as I try to put on my watch.

“Yeah?”

“Hey there little brother, am I interrupting you?”

“Pauline? What the hell?”

“Not the welcome I expected when I am in New York only for the weekend, but okay.”

I chuckle. “Just wait there, okay? I was just about to leave.”

“Oh, so I am actually interrupting you.”

“Oh no, you just made things better. We are going to the bar with Ansel and Olivia. Just give me a second and I will be there with you.”

I hang up with a bright smile on my face. I reach out for my phone on the bed and stuck in my pocket before grabbing my keys and making my way out. Suddenly this night seems much more interesting.

 

******

 

The brick walls and the dim light give a dark tone to the place, the music is loud, some old school rock is playing and the bar is crowded, the bartenders working frantically. We are sitting in a table on the far corner, the four of us drinking and eating some chicken wings and french fries, deliciously covered in bacon, cheddar and garlic.

Ansel has been going on and on about my infatuation for Mr. Hammer for nearly ten minutes now and even though Olivia has tried to stop him, he is so eager to tell Pauline everything he doesn´t even listen to her.

The look on my sister´s face as she hears him talk is of utter amusement, and I don´t even know if it´s because she is truly into the whole story and the way Ansel is telling it, or if she is just plotting how to use that against me next time we are alone. There´s a big chance of being both things.

“I cannot believe you never thought of telling me you had a crush on your ballet teacher,” Pauline says as she turns to look at me.

I stuff a few fries on my mouth, shrugging my shoulders as Ansel leans on the table. “Paulie, he doesn´t have a crush on the guy, he is madly in love with him.”

“You should really stop drinking, Ansel.”

He rolls his eyes, biting on a chicken wing as he does so. “Tell her the truth, man.”

“Fine, yeah, I am in love with him.”

“And why didn´t you tell me?”

I shrug my shoulders, leaning back on the chair as Pauline turns on her side, her eyes stuck on mine. “I didn´t tell anyone, okay? I only talked to Ansel about this a week ago and it still feels weird to even mention it.”

“And why is that?”

“I don´t know, maybe because it´s silly and a fucking cliche. Gay boy goes to ballet classes, gay boy gets the hots for the older teacher, older teacher doesn´t feel the same, gay boy has his heart broken when he sees said teacher with a hot wife.” I roll my eyes and take one last sip of my Coke, the three of them staring at me. “What?”

“Judging by what Ansel has said, Mr. Hammer actually seems to care a lot about you,” says Olivia, a small smile on her red lips.

“Care? Yeah, he is very nice with me and wants to help me get better, but that doesn´t really mean anything.”

“And because he doesn´t share the same feelings you decided to keep this whole thing from your big sister? The one person you tell everything?”

I groan, shaking my head at them and get up, pointing to the bar over my shoulder. “I have a feeling I´m gonna need something stronger to go on with this conversation. Do you guys want anything?”

“Beer for us,” says Ansel gesturing between him and Olivia.

“A Gin and Tonic for me.”

“Okay, I´ll be right back,” I say as I turn around. “Please, keep your mouth shut, Ansel.”

I walk over to the bar, squeezing myself in between all the people gathered around until I can finally find a less crowded spot. I lean against the counter, a sweet smile on my lips as the cute and young bartender walks over to me, stuffing the cloth he had in his hands on the waistline of his jeans.

“What can I get you?”

“Two beers, one Gin and Tonic and a Mojito, please.”

“Okay, coming right up.”

I nod and stretch out my legs before I turn around to look at the people. All tables are filled and so are the seats by the bar, there are a couple of tables on the sidewalk and some people standing close to the door, drinks in hand while they laugh, talk and make out. I sway my body from side to side, elbows leaned on the counter until I kind of lose my balance and hit on the guy standing next to me.

“I´m sorry, I….” I look to my side and feel my eyes go wide as I stare at those deep blue eyes. I feel a lump on my throat and have trouble breathing, my face flushing a bright red at the realization that he is actually there, standing right in front of me.

“Hi, Timothée.”

“Hi, Mr. Hammer.” I don´t even know how I manage to say anything as I keep staring at him. Mr. Hammer is wearing tight black skinny jeans, denim shirt buttoned up, sleeves rolled up to the elbows and black Adidas sneakers. His hair is a bit messy, but not the kind of messy of someone who just woke up, it´s more like a carefully done messy hair, golden locks taking a bit darker tone in the dark bar. 

“I see you decided to take your weekend to relax a little bit,” he said a little loud, trying to be heard above the music.

“Ansel really wanted to come here and I thought it wouldn´t do any harm.”

He nodded. “I think you deserve it, you worked hard the past week and just because you are following a more strict routine doesn´t mean you can´t have fun.”

I give him a small smile and I try to say something when his name is called. We both turn back to the bar, the cute bartender holding out two beers for him. “Thanks, Nick.”

The guy nods and points over to me. “Yours is next.”

I can only nod my head as I try to figure out in my mind how does he know the name of the bartender. Does he know him well? Does that mean he comes here often? Am I suddenly a little jealous of the way they smiled at each other?

“I have some friends waiting for me, but it was nice to see you, Timothée.”

“Right back at ya.”

He chuckles. “See you on Monday.”

“Yeah...Monday.”

I curse at myself as I notice just how stupid I sound. Will I ever be able to talk to him properly? Will I ever not sound like a goddamn adolescent talking to his first crush? I used to be really good at flirting before he came along, have no idea where that skill has gone to.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around, getting face to face with the cute bartender -or Nick- as he slides the four drinks over to me. It takes me a while to balance it all in my hands but when I finally have a good grip on it, I make my way back to our table. Ansel and Olivia are laughing at something Pauline was saying, but they all turn to me once I place the drinks down.

“It took you awhile,” says Ansel, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes stuck on me. I feel like he can read every single thing that´s going through my head and as I slid into my chair, I see him lean closer. “What happened?”

The girls mirror his movement, now the three of them leaned closer to me, waiting for me to say something. “Mr. Hammer is here, I bumped into him on the bar.”

“What?!”

“Oh my God, show me, I wanna see him.” Pauline is practically jumping on the chair as she grabs my arm and looks around. “Where is him, Timmy, show me.”

“I´ll show you a picture later.”

“I don´t want a picture, I wanna see him now. C´mon, show me where he is.”

I sigh and look around the place, spotting Mr. Hammer on the other side of the room, leaned against a glass window as he drinks some beer and talks to some friends. He has a bright smile on his face and only now I can fully process the fact there´s a little stubble growing. I have never stopped to think just how gorgeous he must look with a beard.

“Tall, blond guy on the other side of the room, he is wearing a denim shirt.”

Pauline almost gets up to get a good view and I sink to my chair, feeling more embarrassed than ever. “Damn it bro, you got excellent taste in man. He must look amazing wearing those tights...dear Lord, look at the size of that man, he is huge.”

I feel myself blush again and shake my head as I try to keep Pauline from embarrassing me. “Can you please just sit down, I don´t want him to see us gawking at him.”

“Oh, don´t worry, a man like him is definitely used to people gawking at him.”

“For the love of God, Pauline, can you stop?” I push her down and she laughs along with Ansel and Olivia, while my faces seems to turn more and more red by the minute.

 

******

 

We left the bar around 2:30am, the four of us a little tipsy, laughing and talking way too loud around the street. We all walked Pauline over to her hotel and then walked back to our neighborhood, me being left alone after Ansel and Olivia arrived at Ansel´s home. When I finally make inside my apartment is shortly after 3am and I am nearly sober, the walk and fresh air working their magic on me.

I kick off my boots and socks, take a tall glass of water and move to the bed, throwing myself on it and burying my face on the pillows. I remember the look on my face when I realized Mr. Hammer was standing right beside me on the bar, then proceed to remember exactly how he was dressed, the fact I loved to see him wearing a denim shirt, looking comfy, simple and yet so stylish. I lick my lips as I replay in my head the image of him walking away from me, his black skinny jeans hugging his legs and ass, making it look even better than it did on his tights, which I didn´t even know to be possible.

My cock is already hard at the thought and in my semi-intoxicated mood, I don´t even think twice before kicking my jeans and boxers to my ankles, my finger slowly tracing the whole length of my cock, making my stomach swirl with excitement. I reach for my phone and unlock it, I search through my apps and quickly enough Mr. Hammer´s Instagram account is all over the screen. He has added new photos from tonight and I attentively look through all of them while I slowly start to hump the mattress, biting on my lip as I do so.

The first photo is one of him smiling at his friend, a bright and wide smile and the stubble on his neck pretty visible. The second one features him looking out through the window, his silhouette outlined with the contrast from the bright light from outside and the darkness of the bar. The third one is of the table, dozens of beers spread around, fries, chicken wings and tacos, some still untouched, some half eaten. The fourth photo is the one that makes my cock twitch and the thrusting of my hips intensify, he is on the street, some of his friends walking ahead of him while he looks to his side. He is serious, his stubble apparent once again and you can see just how fitting his clothes are, you can perfectly outline his muscles, his toned thighs and his beautiful ass.

I stop by this photo, lean the phone against the bedpost and move my hand down to my cock, wrapping it around the base and giving slow strokes. I arch my back, my ass high in the air and my moans starting to increase its volume. I want to run my hands through his body, unbutton every single of the buttons on his denim shirt, run my fingers down his chest, scratching him and leaving marks. I want to pull his pants off -slowly and sensually-, watching as he looks down at me with lustful eyes. I want to wrap my hand around his cock, which I imagine to be fat and long and lick the head, taste his precum like it was the most heavenly drink in the world.

I curse, my eyes roll back and my whole body shudders as I get close to an orgasm. I let go of my cock, my hands grabbing fistfuls of the sheets as I hump the bed once again, my precum smearing all over the sheets, making a mess. My cock is throbbing, the head is turning purple and I keep edging myself until I can´t take it anymore. I look at his picture once again, feel my toes curl up and arch my back once again, my finger furtively makes his way down my back and to my ass, playing with myself until a loud, guttural moan escapes me. 

It´s his name I shout in the quiet night before my cum coats the sheets, my stomach and even the pillow.

  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée spends some time with his sister and then takes valuable advice from Mr. Hammer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We´re almost there.... ;)

I open my eyes to see rays of sun shining through the curtains, I look around the room and see the mess of clothes I left last night on the floor, along with my pants and boxers. A quick look at the clock by the nightstand tells me it´s nearly 10am and I yawn, scratching my head before I sit down on the bed and take a look at myself. I´m feeling sticky and weird, my head is pounding a little bit and I groan once I remember I never made it to the shower last night, so I got dry cum all over my chest and stomach. What a nice way to wake up on a Sunday.

I get up and pull the sheets and pillowcases out, throwing in the laundry basket before I make my way to the bathroom. I take a long and much needed shower, making sure every single trace of last night´s shenanigans are washed out. There´s a soft knock on the door the moment I step out of the bathroom and I arch an eyebrow, slightly confused at who could possibly be here so early on a Sunday. I put on some shorts and open the door, a smile coming to my lips as I see Pauline standing there with a Starbucks paper bag in one hand and two cups on the other.

“Good morning, little brother.”

“Oh, please tell me this is coffee.”

Pauline chuckles and walks in, placing a soft kiss on my cheek before making her way over to the kitchen. She places everything down on the counter and I walk over to her, taking a seat in one of the stools as I watch her pull two sandwiches out of the bag and slid a cup to me. "Chicken & Double-Smoked Bacon sandwich and Iced Skinny Mocha. After last night, I figured you´d enjoy some nice food for breakfast, help ease any possible hangovers."

"You are a true angel," I say with my mouth full of sandwich. She shrugs and I slurp on my Iced Mocha, feeling like my body has come to life after ingesting some food. It´s like I'm a completely new person. 

“Did you make it home alright?”

I nod my head, leaning on the counter as she sits down across from me. "I was a bit more sober by the time I made it home, I think the fresh air and the walk home helped a lot. Just gotta make sure I don´t drink today, I have classes tomorrow morning and I can´t be late."

“Gotta make Mr. Hammer proud, huh?”

I roll my eyes. “I think you spent too much time with Ansel last night, Paulie.”

“Why didn't you tell me about him, Timmy?”

“Because I truly didn't want anyone to know about this. I expected it all to be a huge crush that would disappear and I wouldn´t have to deal with it for long. Turns out he is all I can think about, day and night.”

“So, you really are in love with him?”

"Madly. Classes have become a daily struggle, I have to focus on what he is saying instead of looking at him and fantasizing. The past few months have not been easy , I lost focus, I tried going out with other guys to maybe try and forget him, but it doesn´t seem like this will go away any time soon."

Pauline smiles and reaches out for my hand, squeezing it slightly. “I know it's not an easy situation, but I think you´ll be fine in the end.”

“As long as he doesn´t find out, I'm good.”

Paulie shrugs and takes one last bite of her sandwich. “So, what are your plans for today? My plane leaves at 10pm and I thought we could do something together in the meantime.”

“Are you up for Brooklyn? I heard there's a new exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum and everyone seems to love it. Maybe we could go check it out and stay there for the rest of the day, I'm sure we can find some nice stuff to do.”

“That sounds amazing,” she says as she gets up and grabs the remains of our breakfast and the empty packages, tossing into the trash. She washes her hands and then turns to me, hands on her hips and an eyebrow arched. “C´mon, Timothée, I haven´t got all day.”

I jump up and salute her, a very serious look on my face as she rolls her eyes. “Yes sir!” I run over to the closet, grabbing the first thing I can find and then run over to the bathroom to change.

 

*******

 

The afternoon with Pauline is exactly as I had expected, fun and without worries, just the two of us walking around, laughing and talking about the most diverse range of subjects. She tells me everything about her job and how happy she is with her new apartment in Paris. I tell her about Juilliard´s Winter Program and all the opportunities I can get if I land a place there. We eat cookies in a little bakery, the wooden walls, flowers, vintage decorations and the cozy atmosphere bring Pauline so much joy she almost doesn´t want to leave.

It's almost 4pm when we make it to Prospect Park, the cool breeze that comes from the thousands of trees on the park makes the heat a bit more bearable. We walk side by side, our arms linked together and her head resting on my shoulder.

She lets out a content sigh as we find a bench to sit down. There are family surrounding us, some just laying around, others having picnic. There are people playing the guitar on the distance and others riding their bikes along the river. Pauline pulls me down and I lay on the bench, my head resting on her lap and she run her fingers through my hair, doing exactly like mom does.

“I miss New York so much,” she says almost in a whisper. “The atmosphere here, I don't think I will ever find it anywhere in the world.”

“You should come visit more often then. Everytime you are here we can barely see each other, two days is not enough.”

“I know it isn´t, but I got my job and I can´t stay away for long. I promise next time I have a few days off I will come for a longer period.” I nod my head and she smiles down at me. “In the meantime, you could find some time to go over there and visit me. Mom and dad are spending a few days with me next month, maybe you could go with them?”

“Not sure I can make it, there's work and the extra classes. Maybe at the end of the year, I could spend New Year´s Eve with you.”

“Oh, that´s interesting.”

“And we could talk to Ansel and Olivia, maybe they will join us.”

She is beaming, a wide smile on her face. “Oh that would be amazing, Timmy, please promise me you will make this happen.”

I chuckle. “I will try my best.”

“There are so many people I want you to meet and so many new places you don't know...or places you do know but that changed so much since you last been there.”

I sit down, poking her side as I do so and hearing her loud laugh echo around. “It's settled then, I will do everything I can to spend New Year´s Eve with you in Paris. Maybe I´ll find myself a cute French guy.”

She smirks, playfully punching me. “Oh, so you are just using me to get a nice piece of ass?”

“Why can´t I have fun with my sister and get laid? It seems like it would only make the trip better.”

“What about…”

I hold my hand up, shake my head at and she stops talking immediately. “We promised not to talk about him. Tomorrow I´ll go back to my daily routine of daydreaming, today we focus on us and only us.”

Pauline chuckles but nods her head anyway. “Fine, we don't talk about tall and blond teachers today. Although I feel like talking about him could make this afternoon even more interesting.”

“Oh, stop it.”

She bumps her shoulder on mine. “I'm in shipping mode already, Timmy, you can´t stop me.”

I roll my eyes and get up, pulling her with me as she laughs. “C´mon, there's a concert going on here somewhere and I wanna see it before we have to leave.”

“You´re just trying to change the subject.”

“Yes, yes I am.”

“You are no fun,” she says as she follows me. She jumps on my back and I stumble, both of us laughing as we almost hit the ground. I push some of my hair back and grab onto her legs, keeping her steady as I walk down the park in search of the tent where the concert will be held.

 

******

 

It´s not even 7:30 a.m. when I make my way out of my building. A hot breath consumes me and I frown my eyebrows. The heat wave that has taken over New York seems to get worse every day and even a simple task like walking seems unbearable. I make a quick stop at Starbucks and order a Iced Tea before walking the rest of the three blocks over to Mr. Hammer´s studio, sipping on it from time to time to make sure I keep myself hydrated and to prevent myself from sweating too much. 

When I make into the building I can hear low music coming from upstairs, which means Mr. Hammer is already here, probably warming up, being his usual sexy self in his tights and tank top. I bite my lip as I remember the way he looked on Saturday night, the laid back and yet stylish look he was wearing. That night -even if for only a brief moment- I got an even better look on the true Mr. Hammer...or better yet, Armie.

The moment I make it to the studio I see Mr. Hammer sitting on the ground, knees bent while he ties his pointe shoes. His is in all grey this morning, his golden hair slicked back unless for a few rebellious locks that fall down his forehead, the stubble he had on Saturday is long gone and he is too focused on his task to even notice I am already there.

“Good morning, Timothée.”

His voice startles me and the realization he noticed I was there makes me blush a deep red. I look down at my feet, tucking a few curls behind my ear and make my way inside, tossing my bag to the corner. "Good morning, Mr. Hammer."

"I´m honestly considering giving you a key, you are making quite a habit of being here early, so might as well make yourself at home."

I scratch my neck, feeling my entire body burn in embarrassment. "I´m sorry," is all I manage to say and he chuckles, looking at me with a smile as he gets up.

"Don´t be sorry, I like this newfound enthusiasm in you. I can easily see that you are changing your habits, focusing more, making sure you reach your goal. I appreciate good students and you have always been a good one, even better now."

“T-thanks,” I actually stutter as I answer him and all I can think about is how I wish I had a hole near me right now, because I would totally bury myself in it. Could I be any more stupid?

It takes me a while to actually meet his eyes, but when I do he has a small grin on his face and for the first time ever I actually think he knows. He would have to be an idiot not to notice, right?

“So, did you have fun on Saturday? Hope all those drinks didn't get the best of you.”

“I had enough drinks to remind myself not to have too many drinks, but it's all okay now. And yeah, I actually had some fun...a lot, actually.”

"I´m glad to hear that. I know from my own experience that sometimes we get too caught up on practice and trying to be perfect that we forget that it´s okay to go out with our friends and have fun. I know I gave you a hard time a while back and I don´t regret it, because I knew that´s what you needed it, but I don´t want you to feel like it´s not okay to have fun. If you want to go out, then go out, just remember to be cautious."

His words warm my heart and I can´t help but smile. I had been thinking way too much about how to turn my life around, how to be a better dancer and I would be lying if I said that the idea of cutting out alcohol and going out with the guys for good didn´t cross my mind. But hearing him tell me that it´s okay to have fun while still being responsible and focused makes me feel better, makes me feel more at peace with my decision to go out on Saturday night. And the fact he is sharing his own experience, makes me feel even closer to him.

“Thanks, Mr. Hammer. I will keep that in mind.”

"Great. I want you to start warming up now and when the guys get here we´re gonna start working on high leg extensions, so time to show me if everything I said Friday night stuck with you."

His teasing tone is back and instead of shying away from it, I put on a smirk on my face while nodding my head. "I remember everything."

  
  


******

  
  


There´s absolutely no music as we move around the studio, the only sounds are Mr. Hammer´s voice and the clapping of his hands that sets the rhythm. The whole situation is stressful and intimidating, his blue eyes are intense and pierce through us each time we change positions. He had set up a pattern, each time he clapped his hand we had to move, arms and legs on the previously asked positions, chest always projected forward, eyes focused and above all do everything with grace and precision.

An Arabesque turns into an Attitude, then a Croisé and a Plie, then back to the beginning. Arms go from Preparatory position to a first position, then third to second, fourth to third, back to second and then fifth before ending back in Preparatory. I am tired, my muscles begging for rest, but Mr. Hammer keeps on going, clapping and walking along the studio, not missing one bit.

“Stretch out your right arm, Ansel.”

Ansel does as told and looks at me from the corner of his eyes. When Mr. Hammer turns around, he looks at me and mouths  _ what the hell is wrong with him? _ to which I can only shrug. It had been a while since he expected such an intense performance from us and although he seemed quite relaxed when I got here, it seemed like his mood had changed completely.

“Timothée and Ansel, eyes ahead of you, it's not the time for conversation.”

I bite on my lip and turn back to the mirror, looking at myself and from the corner of my eyes seeing Mr. Hammer. He claps again and again, going on with the class for almost half an hour until he finally tells us to go back to first position and then rest. We are all sweaty and gasping for air, the excessive heat making us even more tired than the usual. Mr. Hammer moves to the front of the room, blue eyes traveling through each one of us before he puts on a small smile, that I am sure catches everyone by surprise.

"I know it was an intense class and doing it without music makes it seem a bit harder. The thing is, I told you guys classes would get more intense, we´re not just practicing anymore, we´re focused on the auditions, we are focused on getting most of you inside Juilliard.That being said, I want to make sure you guys know that I am proud of you. Not many people can endure such an intense class on such a hot day, but you guys did it and you should be very happy with that."

I can see the looks of confusion in some of the guys, furtive looks from one to other, trying to figure out if that was actually happening. Mr. Hammer wasn´t exactly the kind of guy to praise us, so we were not really used to such a thing, but we knew that whenever he did was because he truly meant it.

"Technically we still have twenty minutes of class left, but because of this terrible heat, I´ll let you guys go a bit earlier today."

There´s a little cheering and I chuckle, walking over to my bag as Ansel follows me. "I think the heat is messing up with him today, he just went from psycho teacher to proud and understanding in a second. You should be careful with that guy, God knows what he is gonna do while you two are all alone."

"Stop being so dramatic. You make it sound like he is gonna try to murder me, Ansel."

"We don´t know much about the guy, Tim, he could be a psychopath."

“You know what, I think the heat is messing up with you.”

He rolls his eyes and is about to speak when Mr. Hammer comes closer to us, his voice startling us and making both of us turn around. “Can I talk to you for a second?” He says looking at me and I nod my head, looking over at Ansel for a second.

“You take your time, Olivia is already waiting for me, so I gotta go now.”

I nod. “Okay, see you tomorrow.”

“See ya.”

I turn back to Mr. Hammer, who waits until everyone is out of the class to look back at me. “How is your schedule for tonight?”

I blink a couple of times, his question catching me by surprise. I have to replay it in my head over and over again to make sure I am not dreaming. Where is this going? Why is he asking me this?

“What?”

“My sister is in town and she wanted us to go out for dinner tonight in this restaurant she loves, but she could only get a table for 9pm. I was wondering if it's okay for you to be here at 6:30pm instead of 7:30pm.”

He wants to reschedule our class. Reschedule, that´s all. I should´ve known better than to get my expectation high. "Oh, that´s totally fine. I leave the bookstore at 5pm, so it won´t be problem."

“Are you sure?”

I nod, a small smile on my lips. “Yes, yes I'm sure.”

“Thank you, Timothée and I'm sorry, it won't happen again.”

“It's really not a problem, Mr. Hammer, I can totally understand it.”

His hand rests on my shoulder, squeezing it slightly and I can feel my knees buckle. He has never touched me outside classes, well only when he did the massage on Friday, but I was having cramps, so that´s understandable. His hand seems to linger there for a while, his eyes on me and a small smile on his lips. God he is beautiful and I am so close to kissing him it´s not even funny.

“Well, thank you.”

I nod once again and fix the strap of my bag on my shoulder before turning around to leave. I don't look back at him, I keep my eyes to the ground and my hands tightly wrapped around the strap of my bag, almost as if I'm clinging on it for support, as if my life depended on this. I was not ready for any of that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night class, conversations and the New York heat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little chapter to keep you guys on the edge for chapter 12. Hope you enjoy it.

"This heat is starting to annoy me, I am praying for some rain soon otherwise I don't think I can take it."

I am leaned against the barre as I watch Mr. Hammer turn on the air conditioner and set up a bearable temperature. My eyes wander through his entire body, his broad shoulder and muscular legs, his toned arms and his beautiful hair. He is wearing shorter tights today, the kind that only go into your knees and I don´t think I have ever seen him like this before. I wonder how he would look in shorts, tight and short shorts that blend into his skin and make his gorgeous ass stand out.

"I know the heat seems even worse than it was this morning, but we gotta work through it, okay?" I give him a quick nod and walk over to the middle of the room, doing some last minute stretching out my arms. "Because of the heat I had the idea of us working on some breathing exercises today, okay?"

I furrow my eyebrows and open my mouth to speak, but then change my mind. I don´t want to contest him or make him feel like I don't appreciate his ideas. Clearly he notices the look on my face, because he crosses his arms and arches an eyebrow, his stare telling me he wants me to say something.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

"Timothée, you can talk to me, okay? If you have something to say, then say it."

"I- I have been doing ballet since I was twelve, I think I know enough about breathing exercises."

"I know that you know enough about breathing exercises, Timothée, you´ve been in my class for a year and half and I know everything you know and what you don´t know. When I offered you these classes was to enhance your talent, guarantee that you´ll be the best version of yourself on the audition at the end of the year and that means going through the stuff you already know. You have been practicing high leg extensions your entire life and yet we had an entire hour of that last Friday, because although you are good in it, you can always be better."

“I'm sorry.”

"Sorry for what? For saying what you think? I´ve told you already, these classes are for your own benefit and you have to talk, you have to ask and contest me when you feel it´s right. You have the right to tell me when it´s too much or when you think you can be pushed harder, I´m not gonna judge you, I´m here to help you."

“Okay, I´ll keep that in mind.”

"Okay. I want you to stand here, chest forward and arms to your side. Keep your legs parallel and try to relax your shoulders." I do as told, my eyes stuck on my reflection on the mirror and it almost seems like everything goes into slow motion when he lifts his hands and rests them on my body. His left hand is on my back and his right on my stomach. "Breath in and out, please."

I take a long breath in and then let it all out.

"Look at my hands, your middle is moving but not enough. Your diaphragm is not getting enough oxygen, so you have to work on that." He moves behind me and his hands slid over my ribs. "Do it again, but this time try to use your diaphragm properly. You will feel your ribs expand and diaphragm and lungs will fill in the right way."

I repeat the same thing I did before, but this time feeling my diaphragm fill in.

“How does that feel?”

“Better.”

“See, I know a thing or two,” he jokes and I can only smile. "Okay, next step is exhaling completely. I´m gonna use Steven as an example here. His performance on Friday was quite impressive, but there were moments were you could see he was a bit stilted and that is mainly because instead of exhaling completely, he did only partially. You need to get into a habit of completing your deep breaths cycles, because that can be a true lifesaver, specially during jumps and the longer variations. I want you to do two Grande Jeté, the first you´ll do it exhaling partially, the second completely. You´ll notice the difference."

I do as told, on the first time my body hits the ground seemingly more heavy. The second time, doing it while I exhale completely, I can feel my body become lighter and it seems like the whole movement looks more graceful.

“Did you notice how better it looked when you breath properly?”

I nod. “It looks like the movements get cleaner, like it flows better.”

“That´s exactly it.” He moves to the front of the class and puts on some music, Bach´s Third Orchestral Suite. “I want you to do a series of Grande Jete and Pirouettes, breath through your diaphragm and exhale completely."

I nod and elongate my arms and legs before starting out. Mr. Hammer is leaned against the mirror, his eyes stuck on me as I move around the studio. I try to keep everything he just said in mind and breath properly, being careful to exhale fully and guarantee my movements are graceful and precise.

 

******

 

Because of the excessive heat Mr. Hammer had planned a class that was more about adjusting little issues than actually running around or doing high jumps and elaborated movements. That was great, we were able to discuss some important points in positions and arms movements, but that also meant a lot of touching, which I honestly don't know how I am handling it. 

First it was during the breathing exercises, his hands on my back and chest; then he moved to my ribs, his body almost pressed to my back; if that wasn't enough, when working on my arms, he stood right in front of me, mere inches separating our bodies. I could actually feel his hot breathing on my face and that nearly gave me a hard on.

As of right now he is again standing behind me, hands resting on my hips and eyes locked on me through the mirror reflection. We are about to start on turn out exercises and the closeness of his body and the way his voice -which right now is soft and low- fills my ears sends shivers down my spine. I bite hard on my lip as he speaks, trying to keep a good level of concentration or else my mind is gonna run to the most dangerous places possible and I will end in an abyss of dirty thoughts and fantasies.

"You know turnout is one of the most difficult things to master in ballet, right?" I nod, no words will leave my mouth right now, at least not without proper stuttering. "Turnout is unnatural to the human body, that´s why you need constant care and repetition. I´ve noticed sometimes you tend to force your turnout a little bit and that´s the worst thing you could do to your body, if you feel that you are not doing well enough you need to try it more often. Try taking a few minutes of your day to try it out, do a little session every morning, you warm up and get your hips used to the movement."

I take a deep breath, wetting my lips with my tongue as I try to speak eloquently. "I´ve always had problems with turnouts, my first teacher always talked about it."

“The question here is, what did he do about it?”

“N-nothing. I trained just like everyone else, nothing special.”

"And that´s what he did it wrong, if you had a difficulty then he had to work with on that and make sure you knew ways to improve it." I shrug my shoulders and his hands apply some pressure on my hips, before he speaks again. "I´m gonna keep holding onto your hips while you try out the turnout, okay? I want you to go slow, don't overdo anything and if I feel like your muscles and bones are not responding properly, I will stop you."

I slowly turn my feet and legs out from my hip joints until I reach a 90 degree position. I hurts a little, but nothing I can´t endure. Mr. Hammer´s eyes don´t leave me and the pressure of his hands, which I thought would make it harder, actually helps me ground myself and do it without rush.

“How does it feel?” 

“Okay. Not great, but not a total shit.”

He chuckles and nods his head, stepping away from me and I nearly reach out to hold his arms, keep him close. I don´t even care if it´s 98 degrees outside, I want him pressed against me. "We are gonna keep working on your turnout for a while, I want you to start doing some tendus and then I´ll help you with a band exercise that helps strengthening your muscles and could come in hand during turnouts."

“That sounds good.”

"But first I wanna share something with you," he says and I can only nod, eager to know what he has to say. "I´m a very tall and large guy, throughout my first years in ballet a lot of people told me I wouldn´t be good in it, my height wouldn´t help and they said I was too bulky for it. I lost weight, I worked hard and suffered a lot to strengthen my body enough to achieve some things, my turnout was one of those things. We´ll never be great at everything, but practice and focus, that can help you achieve everything."

"Thank you," I say practically in a whisper as I turn to him. "I sometimes I get a bit frustrated with the things I can´t get it right at the first try. I think in some way I have always tried a bit too hard to be great in everything."

He just shrugs. "I know how it feels."

“You do?”

"Timothée, I´ve been dancing for years now and I´ve been through every single stage of career you could imagine. I´ve been to the top and to the bottom, I´ve worried about not being good enough, I´ve let myself think I was too good and now I found my middle ground. It wasn´t easy and it won´t be easy for you either, no matter what your struggles are."

I simply stare at him for a couple of seconds, unsure of what to do or say. This is the most he has ever talked about his life with me and I honestly don´t know where to go from here. Do I remain quiet? Do I ask the one thing basically every guy in my class is dying to know but never had the guts to ask? Would he ever answer me?

"Mr. Hammer, can I ask you something?" The words slip out of my mouth before I can even think properly and he nods all too quickly, leaving me embarrassed and scared. I should have just kept my mouth shut. "I-I was...actually, nevermind." 

"It´s okay, Timothée, you can say it." 

I shake my head, trying to give him a smile. "No, it´s not important." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes, I am sure."

"If you say so." He shrugs his shoulders and walks over the stereo, turning up the volume of the song a little bit. "You can start doing the tendu, then we´ll move to the band exercise."

 

********

 

I sit down on the floor to remove my pointe shoes, reach for my bag and stuff them inside, zipping it up as I hear Mr. Hammer walking around the studio. He is turning off the music and closing the windows, making sure everything is checked on and that nothing is left on. I take a quick look over my shoulder at him and smile, he has already put on his loose shirt, the v-neck is a little deep and I can see his chest hair. 

As he turns around, I quickly advert my eyes back to my bag and hope he did not catch me. His voice comes right after it, loud and hoarse, so different from the sweet and soft voice he was using while talking to me during training. 

“Timothée, I wanna ask you something.”

I get up and nod my head, holding onto the straps of my bag as I walk closer to him. "Something wrong?"

“Again, just because I want to talk to you doesn't something is wrong.”

“Right...what is it then?”

"I know we only had three classes so far, but I was wondering what has been your impression so far. Are you enjoying it? Is there something you´d like to change or suggest?"

_ Apart from your mouth on mine, no nothing _ . 

Oh great, that voice again. "No, I think everything is great. I´ve been a bit tired and my body is still not used to the extra training, but I´m also feeling stronger and more disciplined. I can only thank you for giving me this opportunity, Mr. Hammer, it means a lot to me."

“As I´ve said before, Timothée, you are extremely talented and I want to make sure you use that talent the right way.”

"You think I´m talented enough that it´s okay for you to waste your free time with me?"

He arched an eyebrow and took a step closer, but remained silent. It was like he was trying to read me, to understand exactly what I was thinking or worse, he was trying to figure out what I thought of myself. "I don´t see this as wasting my time. While helping you, I´m also helping my own body stay in shape. Also, when one of my students achieve something great, I like to think I´ve achieved something great too, so I always encourage them to be their best selves."

That's it, he is talking about achievements and before I can think of changing my mind again I blurt out the words. "You are still young, you went to Juilliard and graduated as one of the best, why you're not in some big ass company?"

He remains quiet and looks me dead in the eye. Suddenly, I feel like I should have just kept my mouth shut, he clearly doesn't want to talk about it and to be honest, it's not really my business. I knew I shouldn't think much of his openness towards me. He is still Mr. Hammer, the teacher, and I am Timothée, the student.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. This is not my business.”

He shrugged. "I did get an opportunity to be in Bolshoi, but something happened and I had to say no to it"

"What could have possibly happen for you to say no to Bolshoi?" I realize after I said it that once again I have crossed the line. Apparently this heat is making me have some trouble keeping my fucking mouth shut. "Again, I am sorry, I tend to be a bit...idiotic sometimes"

"You are not being idiotic, you are being curious. I'm sure every single one of my students asks themselves this question when they see my little Juilliard diploma."

I shrug. "Yes, we do"

“As I told you before, Timothée, we all have our struggles and have to work through them. Sometimes life is full of surprises and things happen, things that can affect your dreams.”

"So this is not the life you wanted for yourself?" I got my eyes locked on him and I can feel a little bit of pain on my chest. I would hate to know this is just him getting by and that he had other dreams, dreams he couldn't accomplish and had to settle for being a teacher.

"This wasn't the life I had planned for me, but it doesn't mean I don't love it. I might be happier now than I would be if I had followed what I thought was the right path. Success and being known isn´t relative to happiness."

I smile at him as I nod my head, I didn't know it was possible, but I like him even more now. 

“I should go,” I whisper and he nods his head. “Have fun on your dinner, Mr. Hammer.”

I swing my bag over my shoulder and turn around, slowly making my way over to the door as he shouts my name. I look over my shoulder, arching an eyebrow as he stares at me. “Yeah?”

“You can call me Armie.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heat, rain, Hozier´s Take Me To Church and a Pas de Deux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you´ll enjoy this chapter as much as I do and well, we now enter a new stage of their relationship, because...well, you´ll see why ;)

It´s funny how fast time goes by when you are living your life to the fullest. The two weeks that followed that excessively hot Monday, where Mr. Hammer told me it was okay to call him by his first name, were some of the most eventful weeks of my life. My parents -who had been on a cruise across the Atlantic- came back home and made sure to visit me almost every day just to make sure we caught up on the lost time. Ansel and Olivia had finally decided to move in together and I, of course, had to help with all the packing. Classes with Mr....classes with Armie had become even more intense, he pushed me as much as he knew I was able to handle and it was amazing to see the little differences in my posture, movements and breathing come to life.

The bookstore had held a little autograph session with this new author, he is getting a lot of praise by New Yorker journalists. His book is about two young men, a british and an american, who fell in love while visiting Morocco; the book was sweet, sexy and extremely well written. Armie showed up at the book signing with the bartender from SoHo Room, Nick if I am not mistaken, and I gotta say I had a hard time seeing them together throughout the whole night. Not that they seemed like a couple or anything, I´m pretty sure I saw the Nick guy hand a girl his phone number, but seeing him being so casual and open with someone made me jealous. I wanted him to be that open with me, only me.

I took Armie´s advice and decided to balance my new routine, trying my best to have some fun but also focusing on what needed to be done to enhance my technique. I figured out that by doing it so, I felt more relaxed and therefore everything in my life seemed to be easier. The heat was still going strong, but the meteorologists said there was raining coming anytime soon and it wouldn´t be pretty. I am not the biggest fan of rainy days, but I had to admit that I was looking forward to it.

_ Careful what you wish for, Timothée, careful what you wish for. _

It was nearly 7 p.m. when I walked out of my building and felt the first few drops fall down on my face, I thought it would be just a little drizzle so I did not make it back to my apartment to grab an umbrella. Of course that came to bite me in the ass, because not even four blocks later, here I am drenched and shivering from the coldness of the rain drops.

My white t-shirt is now completely see-through, my hair is all over my face and the wind is so strong that seems like it´s about to take me with it. I hold tight onto the straps of my bag, keep my head down and walk as fast as I can, but some streets are flooding and I have to take different routes. What it was supposed to be a fifteen minute walk quickly turns into almost forty minutes and I curse at myself. 

I am late and Armie will be pissed.

When I finally make it to the studio the rain is already calming down, but there are a few lightnings and thunders. The building is well lighted, the front door was open but there is no sign of music and I wonder why. Normally Armie would be warming up and he always does it with music, he said it relaxes him and helps him concentrate more. 

While going up the stairs I remove my soaked t-shirt, remaining on my tank top and using the shirt to dry my hair. I have my eyes down as I walk through the door, I can see Armie moving but I am too busy trying to look a bit more decent.

"I´m sorry I am late, but I was not expecting all this rain."

“Don't worry, I just got here myself.”

"Well, if you were late too then I am not feeling so bad," I say as I look up, my eyes going wide at the sight in front of me. Armie is shirtless, his bare chest glistening with what I can only assume to be rain drops, his pants are drenched which make them cling even more onto his body and his hair is dripping. I had seen him sweaty, I had seen him in a tight tank top, but this was a completely new thing for me and I was loving every second of it.

He is not even paying attention to me so I can fully stare at him. He walks around the room with a nonchalant vibe, his hips swaying in that way I love as he moves to the bathroom. When he comes back Armie has two towels on his hand, he tosses me one and uses the other to dry off his hair and then his torso. I wish he would let me run that towel down his body, dry off every inch of his wet skin.

I dry myself off and put on my shoes, starting out my warming up as Armie kneels down to the ground and looks through his bag. I hear him curse a couple of times, run his fingers through his hair and then sigh in frustration. I bite my lip as I debate to myself whether to ask him what's wrong or keep myself quiet.

“Something wrong?” My voice is low and a bit insecure, I´m not sure he wants to talk right now.

“I thought I had packed another shirt, but it seems I didn't.”

He doesn´t have a shirt. Okay, he doesn´t have a shirt, that´s not a big deal at all. I can totally handle seeing him shirtless for two hours straight. I can do this, I can totally do this.

_ No, you can´t. Stop lying to yourself. _

I shake my head, trying to push that annoying voice to the back of my head and  watch as Armie gets up, hands on his hips as he looks around the room. He seems a bit tense today and I am not sure if it´s because he got stressed over the rain or if he is worried about class. As much as I like to think I know him, there are still so much to pick up on.

"Okay, no shirt and the air conditioner is not working out very well, but we´ll have to make it through. Let´s start warming up, we´ll do some stretching, tendu exercises and Grande Ecart. Today we´ll work on a  _ Pas de Deux _ ."

“W-what?”

“A  _ Pas de Deux.” _

_ Told you you wouldn´t be able to control yourself. _

Is he fucking kidding me? He actually expects me to dance with him, bodies close, hands touching, lifting up and all that shit when he is shirtless? How the hell am I supposed to go through that without getting a fucking hard on?

“Is everything okay, Timothée?”

I look up at him and nod my head slowly. "Yeah, I just wasn´t expecting to work on  _ Pas de Deux  _ so soon."

"We have to make sure we´re covering every base and  _ Pas de Deux _ is a very important part of training. It helps you work with a pair, it makes sure you develop some trust on your colleagues and some of the most usual lifts in ballet are only performed during a  _ Pas de Deux _ ."

“Yeah, you´re right.”

Armie chuckles, giving me a slightly confused -and still quite amused- look before turning the music on. He walks to the center of the studio and starts warming up, getting on pointé, stretching out his legs and arms, working on a turnout and rotating his shoulders. I start doing my own exercises, trying to not to stare too much at him or he could actually catch me through the mirror.

We warm up for about ten minutes before he walks over to his bag and takes out an iPad. He clicks on some things and then comes to join me on the floor, handing me the device and pressing play on a video.

"This is the routine we´re gonna do today. I want you to watch the video and memorize the steps."

I nod my head, my eyes focused on the video. The two guys move gracefully around the room, the music is powerful and brings so much drama to their performance it leaves you almost breathless as you are watching. Their bodies move in perfect synchrony, when they are doing the same steps it almost seems like they are each other´s shadows and when they are each doing a different move, it still looks great as a whole.

I try to pay close attention to every single step, almost getting in a trance as I replay every movement of the feet and arm. It´s the kind of choreography that requires a lot of touching, the bodies of the dancers are always close to one another, their faces are inches away. There´s a moment one of them slides his fingers through the other one´s hair and I can already feel the shivers down my spine at the thought of Armie doing this to me.

The video ends and I play it once again, eyes catching different nuances, different touches of the hand and placements of the feet. It´s not easy to learn a choreography by only looking at the video, which was probably edited, but I know Armie won´t expect me to do exactly as the video. That would be nearly impossible in such a short time and even if this is the case, I have a feeling he knows the choreography by heart and once he is leading me around the studio, he will know when to help me.

"You think you´re ready," he asks and his voice is sweet and calm. It´s clear to me now that he can easily see when I am not feeling so sure of myself, his voice instantly turns down a notch, it becomes more soothing and even the look in his eyes change.

I nod my head, stop the video and give the iPad back to him. I take a couple of deep breaths, watching as he sets the iPad down next to the speakers and goes through a playlist. The first notes of Hozier´s Take Me To Church starts playing but he stops the song and lets his eyes wander to mine.

"I don´t want you to feel pressured to do this perfectly, okay? We started a little late today, so we´ll do this once and on Wednesday we´ll repeat it. We´ll talk about what you thought it was easy, what it was difficult, what you think you could add to improve the choreography and discuss the whole experience, okay?"

"Yes, that´s okay."

Armie walks over to me and stands on my side. He moves his feet to a third position, his arms raised over his head in a fifth position, his chest is projected forward and he has a quite serious look on his face. I gulp, my mouth suddenly going dry as I move a bit closer to him. I recreate the same position the guy in the video was doing, feet in fourth position, arms in first and facing the opposite side of Armie. 

_ My lover's got humour _

_ She's the giggle at a funeral _

_ Knows everybody's disapproval _

_ I should've worshipped her sooner _

The first few notes indicate we have to move apart from one another, feet on  _ demi pointe _ , arms moving to third position and a quick spin of the body so we can now face one another.

_ If the Heavens ever did speak _

_ She is the last true mouthpiece _

_ Every Sunday's getting more bleak _

_ A fresh poison each week _

We both move to an Attitude, knees bent in 90 degrees as we spin in one foot, Armie to the right and me to the left. He does a Grande Jeté while I run over to him  _ en pointe _ , he reaches for my hand, pulls me close to his body and I have to give a little spin, make sure my back is facing him. Armie´s right hand slides down my arm to my waist, gripping it tight while his left hand holds onto mine and we do a few quick series of Assembles.

_ We were born sick _

_ you heard them say it _

His right hand leaves my body and I support my weight onto his left while doing a Grande Jete, landing on his left side and standing side by side.

_ My church offers no absolutes _

_ She tells me "worship in the bedroom" _

_ The only heaven I'll be sent to _

_ Is when I'm alone with you _

Hand in hand we get  _ en pointe _ and walk to our right, free arms stretched out to our sides, head slightly bend back. He spins until he is standing behind me, his large hands find my waist again and he lifts me up. My right leg is stretched out and my left leg is bend at the knee as if to form a 4 while my arms are in second position. Armie does two Pirouettes while in this position before slowly -as dramatic as the song requires- sliding me down to the ground.

_ I was born sick, but I love it _

_ Command me to be well _

_ Amen. Amen. Amen _

And that´s when things start getting a bit too real for me. We turn face to face, bodies almost pressed together and his hands resting on my lower back. The look on his face is still serious and I can only hope I am doing the same. I do a semicircle with my upper body, then return to the previous position and feel one of his hand slid up my back and to my neck. He grips there and my mouth goes dry, my entire body lights up and I nearly forget what I am supposed to do next.

_ Take me to church _

_ I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies _

_ I'll tell you my sins _

_ So you can sharpen your knife _

_ Offer me that deathless death _

_ Good God, let me give you my life _

My body goes pliant and for a moment is like he has total control over me. He is the one moving my body down, nearly bringing me to the floor before lifting me up again and setting me up in a series of Pirouettes, arms in fourth position. Armie´s eyes are locked on me and once I finish the last spin, he moves towards me in a series of Assembles. 

_ Take me to church _

_ I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies _

_ I'll tell you my sins _

_ So you can sharpen your knife _

_ Offer me that deathless death _

_ Good God, let me give you my life _

Is as if we´re playing a cat and mouse game, once he reaches me I have to escape his grip. Armie tries to hold onto my waist and my arms, but I move away from him, stomping away dramatically  _ en pointe _ . He runs to me and his body slams against mine, every muscle of his chest pressed against my back. I close my eyes for a moment, is hard for me to breath, I am sweating and I have trouble concentrating.

_ If I'm a pagan of the good times _

_ My lover's the sunlight _

_ To keep the Goddess on my side _

_ She demands a sacrifice _

I regain my focus and while sliding to the side remove Armie´s hands from around me. I am supposed to act like I am running away from him, so I stand  _ en pointe _ and give a few quick and small jumps, which then turn into a Tour en L´air, followed by yet another Grande Jeté. He slides slowly through the room, almost dragging his feet as he gets closer to me. When we are face to face again, his fingers slid into my hair and he grips on it softly but it's enough to make me bite my lip to suppress a moan.

_ To drain the whole sea get something shiny _

_ Something meaty for the main course _

_ That's a fine looking high horse _

_ What you got in the stable? _

I'm suppose to fall onto his chest and I do so with total confidence that he will indeed catch me. My hands hold onto his broad shoulders and my face rests on his chest as I take in his scent like I always wanted to do. Armie takes a few steps back, literally dragging me back to the middle of the studio. I pull away from his grip yet once more, but only so he can hold onto my waist and support me. We spin around, me on my own axis while Armie does several spins around me.

_ We've a lot of starving faithful _

_ That looks tasty _

_ That looks plenty _

_ This is hungry work _

The drama kicks in again and I try to escape his grip, but he keeps me close, one hand on my waist and the other intertwined with mine. We do a Tour en L´air in that position and then an Arabesque before he lifts me up again.

_ Take me to church _

_ I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies _

_ I'll tell you my sins _

_ So you can sharpen your knife _

_ Offer me that deathless death _

_ Good God, let me give you my life _

The difference this time is that my back is not facing him, so when he slides me down, my hands resting on his shoulders, we become face to face. My chest is heaving, the sweat that pours from my forehead is too much to be ignored and the shiver, oh God, the shivers are like fucking sparks going through my entire body.

_ Take me to church _

_ I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies _

_ I'll tell you my sins _

_ So you can sharpen your knife _

_ Offer me that deathless death _

_ Good God, let me give you my life _

I know I should move, prepare myself to the next position but I can no longer pretend I am not affected by this whole thing. I lock eyes with Armie, pull my body closer to his and before I -or he- can rationalize any of this, I lean in and let our lips touch.

_ No masters or kings when the ritual begins _

_ There is no sweeter innocence _

_ Than our gentle sin _

_ In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene _

_ Only then I am human, only then I am clean _

His lips are just as soft as I had imagined, his taste is just as sweet as I had predicted. I move my lips slowly, savouring each second, memorizing every single detail of this moment. My hands slid up to the back of his neck, I can feel his hair on the tip of my fingers and I grip on them as I intensify the kiss, letting my tongue run across his lips until he opens up for me and gives me free access.

_ Amen. _

_ Amen. _

_ Amen. _

His hands are on my waist and his tongue is in my mouth, the whole situation seems surreal but also extremely arousing. I don't know how long we´re tangled together, I don't know for how long he allowed me to live out my fantasies before he steps back, my name leaving his lips almost like in a prayer.

“Timothée…”

That's when realization takes me over and I notice the mistake I have made. I stare at him wide eyed, my lips quivering as I struggle to find words to say, but then I realize there's absolutely nothing I can do to fix this situation or make it less awkward. He tries to speak too but nothing comes out, his face is flushed and he can barely look me in the eye. I´ve screwed up.

I shake my head and take all the strength left in me to run away from him, snatching my bag in the process and making my way out of the studio as fast as I can and without looking back. That's exactly what I didn't want to happen.

_ Offer me that deathless death _

_ Good God, let me give you my life. _   
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the kiss begins....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, let me start by saying thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter, I was not expecting all of that and I am still a bit overwhelmed by it all. I know you all want the smut, I want you to have it too, but we might have to go through some angst before we get there. I do promise things are gonna fix themselves soon, very soon.

The rain had slowed down but there was still thunders and lightning, the streets were still filled with water and there was barely anyone outside as I walked around, seemingly aimless. It wasn´t until I saw the building that I register that unconsciously I had made my way over to Ansel´s place, seeking comfort and a reasonable mind to help me through the mess I had got myself into.

I pressed his apartment number and waited. My head was down, my curls falling into my eyes and the raindrops clouding my vision, I was a fucking mess. The moment I heard the buzz and Ansel´s voice come through the speaker, I felt a lump on my throat and had to take a couple of quick breaths before being able to speak.

"Ansel, it´s me."

"Timothée? What are you doing here in the middle of this rain?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yes, of course."

Everything goes silent for a minute before I hear a small click and the front gate opens, allowing me inside and finally out of the cold rain that soaks my clothes. I make my way to the elevator and quickly am on his floor, lazily walking down the hallway until I knock on his door. Ansel and Olivia open the door together, their eyes wide as they see me standing there. I think it´s pretty clear I am not my best self at the moment.

“What the hell happened to you?”

I can only shrug my shoulders, my head is still processing everything that happened tonight, the dance, the kiss and the look on his face as he stood there in front of me. Olivia takes my hand and pulls me inside, dragging me with her to the couch where she sits me down. I sit there quiet as both her and Ansel walk around the small apartment, before coming back to me. Olivia has a towel and some clean clothes, which she hands me and I gladly dry myself off. Ansel has a cup on his hands, I can see the fumes coming out and the smell tells me is tea before he can even handle it to me.

I take a few sips of it, finally feeling like my body is calming down from the high it was in. I close my eyes, take one deep breath and then lean back on the couch, trying to keep myself together.

"Tim, what the hell happened? Are you okay?"

"I kissed him," I say in a whisper and can see them both furrow their eyebrows. "Mr. Hammer, I kissed Mr. Hammer."

"You did what?" Ansel´s eyes are wide, a look of pure shock on his face. "I thought you said you didn´t want him to know about what you felt for him."

“And I didn't, but I simply couldn´t control myself. It just happened.”

Olivia gives me a sympathetic smile, her hand pushing some of my hair back. "Why don´t you tell us what happened."

I nod. "It was a mix of things, to be honest. He forgot his shirt and I had to stare at his bare chest the entire time, then he thought it would be nice to work on a Pas de Deux and the idea terrified me, because I knew we would have to be too close. I did anyway, but it was too much for me and when I least expected I was leaning in to kiss him."

They remained quiet for a second before Ansel leaned a bit closer to me, his hand resting on my knee. "Did he kiss you back?"

I look at him dead in the eye, the whole scene replaying in my mind and I can already feel my chest heaving once again. He did, he actually stuck his tongue inside my mouth and I don´t know how to process any of that, because although it seemed like he was enjoying it just as much as I was, he was the one to step back. And the look on his face, the way he couldn't even look me in the eye after it. 

What did it all mean?

"Timothée?"

"Yes, yes he did."

Ansel and Olivia looked at one another, a long look that I am sure meant something for them both but to me -at least right now- meant absolutely nothing. "Did you guys talk about it afterwards?" 

"I ran away as soon as possible, I simply couldn´t stand there and look at him anymore."

"Why would you do that, Tim?"

"You did not see the look on his face, Ansel. He could barely look me in the eye, he could barely speak and it was...if I stayed there it would only lead to bad things."

Olivia shook her head, sitting beside me on the couch and wrapping an arm around me. "You don´t know that, Tim. Things happened too fast, maybe he was just overwhelmed as you seem to be. I think you have to talk to him tomorrow morning, discuss what happened and how you will deal with it from now on."

"How we´ll deal with it? Olivia, he is my teacher."

"A teacher who just kissed you," said Ansel. "Olivia is right, Tim, you will have to talk to Mr. Hammer about this."

I shake my head. "I can´t even look at him anymore, Ansel, let alone talk to him."

"So you´re gonna give up of everything because of a kiss? You´ll stop having classes with him altogether?"

"Maybe it´s for the best."

"You are being stupid right now, Timothée. I get that you are overwhelmed and a bit confused with everything that happened, but you can´t seriously be thinking of giving up on everything because of one damn kiss. What you need is to talk to Mr. Hammer and make sure everything is okay between the two of you, maybe it will be awkward for a while, maybe you will give a break on the extra classes, but you do not have to give up on everything."

I only stare at him, biting on my bottom lip as I let his words sink in. Olivia rubs my shoulder and I lean in, resting my head on her shoulder. "I think you need some rest. Why don´t you finish your tea, put on these dry clothes and we´ll get the spare bedroom ready for you."

"Thank you," I whisper.

 

*******

 

I make it out of the bathroom and take a quick look around the unfamiliar bedroom, a towel wrapped around my head and Ansel´s shorts falling down my hips. His clothes are too large for me and it makes me think of Arm...it makes me think of Mr. Hammer, the way his clothes would look and feel against my skin.

I shake my head, trying to put those thoughts away from me and sit down on the bed, lean my back on the bedpost and look out of the window, watching as the rain keeps on falling outside. It's weird how sometimes the thing we want the most leaves us feeling like crap, making us feel like idiots. 

Or maybe, that's exactly what I am, an idiot.

The past two weeks had been amazing, Mr. Hammer had been so open, so talkative and sweet to me and now I had put it all to waste because I couldn´t control myself. Months of hiding my feelings and trying to look cool thrown away because of one night. One fucking night.

I dry my hair off, throw the towel on the floor and lie down on the bed, pulling the thin sheet over my body as I look up to the ceiling. I blink a couple of times, my mind not being able to pull away from those images. It feels like I can still feel his hands on my waist and his tongue on my mouth. It's like the softness of his golden hair is still on my fingertips and the taste of his lips, oh I don't think that will leave my lips anytime soon.

I raise my hand to my mouth, my finger brushing against my lips as I see the look on his face as we pulled away. He looked so surprised, so shocked and confused, he couldn't even look me in the eye and as of right now I have absolutely no idea of how am I supposed to handle any of this. Will I be able to fix this whole mess?

 

*******

 

I can hear Ansel and Olivia as I lie down in bed, my eyes stuck to the ceiling, by body stretched out and millions of thoughts going through my head. I barely got any sleep during the night, replaying the images of last night in my head while also trying to figure out exactly what to do now. Ansel was right, I had to talk to Mr. Hammer, I had to try and apologize to him even if I knew this was going to nearly kill me.

I take a deep breath before getting up and making my way out of the bedroom. The smell of coffee and toasts fill my nostrils as I step into the hallway and lazily make my way to the living room area. They are both sitting by the small table, talking low and stealing quick kisses from one another. They really are a great couple.

“Hey, good morning.”

I give Ansel a small smile and make my way over, sitting across from Olivia. “How are you feeling, Tim?” Olivia´s voice is sweet and gives me the reassurance I need to know that she won't be mad if I choose not to talk.

“Feeling like I made the biggest mistake of me entire life, but I think I´ll survive.”

“Your clothes dried already and I left them on the couch. Why don't you have some breakfast so we can head to the studio?”

I shake my head as I pour myself some coffee. “I am not going, Ansel”

“Tim, you have to face him.”

“And I will do that tomorrow. Luckily enough I don't have classes with him tonight, so I can take the day off to at least think of what I am going to say.”

“Timothée, I don't…”

I shoot him a look. “Ansel, I am not going to the studio today. I need to stay away from him at least for one day before I have to embarrass myself again, okay?”

He takes a bite of his toast and nods his head, trying to stay quiet but failing miserably. “I just think postponing the inevitable is never a good thing.”

“Like I said, I will talk to him but I need to take a day off.” I take a sip of my coffee, is burning hot and I almost burn my tongue, but at this point I don't really care. “I´ve already texted Sarah and asked her to tell Mr. Johnson I am not working today either.”

Before Ansel can say anything else, Olivia rests her hand on top of his and gives him a look that says everything. He looks down and stuff his mouth with toast, avoiding saying anything else while Olivia turns to look at me, a smile on her lips.

“I am sorry this whole situation didn't turn out the way you expected, Tim. I know you are not feeling your best self and I can only hope you will recover soon. I think it's actually a very good idea to take the day off and think about everything, figure out how you want to approach the situation. I know Ansel can be a tad pushy sometimes, but he only wants what's best for you, okay?”

“I know that,” I say looking at him and he sighs. “Thank you guys for letting me stay here for the night, you guys just moved in together and I'm already here being a third-wheel.”

“You are the only third-wheel we would want in our lives, Tim.” I smile and Olivia does the same. “Besides, you can always crash here. Our doors are always open for you.”

“That's true,” Ansel says. “This is your home too, bro.”

“Thanks.”

 

*******

 

It's 7:30 p.m., the rain has finally stopped and there's even stars in the sky. There's a cold breeze that makes it up for the heat as I sit down on the balcony, a bowl of soup on my hands as I stare down at the street. It's Tuesday night so the streets are of course crowded, but the rain sure keeps some people from wandering around. If I had enough courage right now, I think a good walk in the park would do me some good, but at this point there's absolutely only one thing in mind.

I don't wanna go to the studio tomorrow, I don't want to engage in awkward silence with Mr. Hammer, I don't want to go through four hours of class with him when I know all I will be thinking about is that damn kiss. But even though the idea of facing him again is dreadful, I know I have no other option.

Maybe things will turn out better than expected, maybe he won't be mad at me and will make me feel better with the whole situation. Maybe, just maybe he won't even let me talk, he will simply wrap his arms around me and say he wants more.

I chuckle to myself at how idiotic this sounds. This man has never given me a proper hint that he had any kind of feelings for me, he had done nothing but treat me as a student, a student he might care about, but still a student. Project anything other than awkwardness is futile.

I get up and make my way inside, put the bowl on the kitchen sink and walk to the bathroom, filling the tub as I stare at myself in the mirror.  _ You screwed up so fucking bad, Timothée. _ That annoying voice is back, making one of its highly unnecessary visits to my head, leaving me even worse than I already am. 

I shake my head at myself, tie my hair up and get in the tub, allowing the warmth of the water to relax me even if just for a couple minutes. I know I will need a good night of sleep if I plan to make it through tomorrow.

 


	14. Chapter 14

The front door was open the moment I made it to the building, the hallway lights were all on and even from the bottom of the stairs I could see the doors to the studio open. There was not music playing, but from time to time I could hear some noise coming from upstairs and all I wanted to do was run away, lock myself in my apartment and wait until he forgets about what happened. Until he forgets I ever existed.

I have been sitting on the bottom steps for a few minutes now, my head down while I fidget with my fingers. My entire face is burning hot, the idea of being face to face with him again is making me nervous, making my knees buckle and my heart pound on my chest. I hear footsteps upstairs and get up quickly, hiding behind the door, afraid he is gonna see me here, pathetically waiting for some courage.

_ Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. _

I count to ten, taking long breaths after each number and only then I make my way up. I have never been so damn slow on those steps, practically taking a pause after each one, but I need that to get my thoughts together. When I finally reach the door, I can see him standing by the window, quietly looking outside. I walk in, slowly and almost without a sound, but he manages to hear me anyway.

That's when it seems like the entire world has turned into slow motion. As he turns around I stuck my hands into my sweatpants pockets, my eyes locked on his although I desperately want to look down, to avoid him at any cost. His deep blue eyes remain in me as he stands there quietly, serious but not intimidating. It's obvious he is just as uncomfortable as I am.

“Timothée…” He starts in a whisper and I hold my breath, definitely not prepared to what's about to come. “I was worried you wouldn´t show up today again. Ansel told me you were not feeling so good.”

Damn it, Ansel.

I take a few steps closer to him but decide that is best to maintain a safe distance. We don't need even more tension than we already have. I need this conversation to go by as smoothly as possible.

“Arm…” I sigh, shaking my head. “I just wanted to apologize for what happened Monday night.”

“The kiss.” The fact he even says the word makes my heart pound harder on my chest. This is all too real for me.

“Yeah. I never meant for that to happen, I didn't want to make you feel awkward or anything. I swear to God I don't know what happened, I don't know why I would do such a thing. I just hope we can…”

He shakes his head, takes a step closer and I feel my body stiffen. “Timothée, you don't have to say anything, okay? I'm not mad at you or anything, it happened and it's now in the past. I think we can both agree that the best thing to do here is act as if it never happened.”

_ Act as if never happened. _

_ Never happened. _

_ Never. _

Suddenly I feel like air has been knocked out of me, like I have taken a punch to the stomach and was left in the floor agonizing. I can almost hear my heart shattering to pieces as I hear his voice say those words. He looks so calm, no signs of struggle or anything. He truly believes pretending it never happened is the best option and of course he does, why would he take any of that seriously? Why would he give a damn about me kissing him?

I put on the most fake smile in the world, knowing full well that nothing I say right now will sound a hundred percent genuine, but knowing I have to say something, kill the silence that has taken over us.

“I think you are absolutely right,” I manage to say and it's a shock that I don't stutter my way through. “We should just forget about it, I mean, it was a silly thing.”

He nods. “I'm glad we´ve reached an understanding.”

“Are...are we still having the extra classes?”

“Why wouldn´t we?” Of course, why wouldn't we? After all that kiss, his tongue in my mouth and his hands on my waist didn't mean a thing to him. “Unless you don't want it anymore. I think it would be silly to end it all because of a stupid kiss…”

_ Stupid kiss. _

_ Stupid. _

_ STUPID. _

I should have expected all of this, I should have thought about how cold and insensitive he could be. He spent over a year being the serious, intimidating Mr. Hammer, it was entirely my mistake to think that glimpse of Armie I had seen cared about me in any way.

Such a fucking fool you are, Timothée.

“...so, what you say?”

Another fake smile overtakes me as I try to push back the tears that are threatening to fall down. “I am glad you are not cancelling our classes, I would hate to know my moment of stupidity lead to that.”

“Great. Classes remain the same and we forget that incident ever happened.”

I want to answer, to shout at him that our kiss wasn't an incident, wasn't something stupid, but I don't have the guts to do so. I nod slowly and let out a breath when I hear voices and footsteps. For the first time in weeks I am glad to see this studio get filled with people.

I stare at him for another brief moment, trying to see if there's anything there that hints of him being more affected by our kiss than he lets it show, but there's absolutely nothing. I gulp down, turn around on my heels and see Ansel making his way over. He has a worried look on his face and I know he can see just how broken I am.

He rests his hand on my shoulder, squeezes it slightly while looking from Mr. Hammer to me. “Hey Tim, are you okay?”

“No, I'm not.” My voice is low, almost a whisper as he gets a bit closer. “I´ve never felt so bad in my entire life.”

 

*******

 

It's a miracle that I am able to focus on class, but I think I am so mad at him -and myself too- that I find a way to channel all that anger into my routine. He goes on with class as he usually does, eyes focused on our every move, feets tapping the floor to the rhythm of the music and loud voice reverberating throughout the whole place.

Mr. Hammer is not one bit affected by what happened between us and it becomes more and more evident as the day goes by. I feel sick to my stomach as I do one last plie and he announces the end of class, his blue eye quickly scanning the room before turning his back to us.

Jerk.

Asshole.

Son of a bitch.

A fucking pile of shit.

I bite on my lip and practically run over to the back to the room, taking off my  _ pointe  _ shoes, stuffing it inside my bag and pulling it on my sweatpants. Ansel is right by my side, eyeing me as he changes his clothes and zips up his bag.

I take quick look at Mr. Hammer before leaving, holding my breath until I am out of the studio. I can´t break down, not in front of everyone else, not when he is so damn close. I feel Ansel´s hand on my back and we go down the stairs together, side by side and in total silence.

“You can cry now,” he says the moment we step out of the building and I feel the tears start to fall down my cheek. “Was it that bad?”

“Pretend it never happened,” I wipe away my tears before turning to him. “That's what he said to me in the most calm and nonchalant voice. As if he had not participated, as if he had not shoved his tongue in my mouth.”

“Tim…”

“He didn't give a damn about it, Ansel. It meant absolutely nothing to him, it wasn't even enough to get him mad at me. No, he simply didn't care.”

“Maybe is for the best.”

I furrow my eyebrows, crossing my arms as I look at Ansel. “For the best? How is this for the best?”

“Maybe now you can get it over your head, now that he has acted the way he did, maybe you will be able to move on. I am not saying he is right, but maybe you could use that angriness inside of you for the better.”

“Angriness.” I chuckle, shaking my head as I feel more tears coming. “I am more mad at myself for thinking, even for a brief second, that he would be just as into that kiss as I was. I still love him, I still want him and I don't think that's going away any time soon.”

He sighs, squeezing my shoulder as I bite my lip, trying to suppress a sob. “C´mon, let's get you something to eat, I think you need it.”

 

*******

 

Luckily this is one the most calm days at the bookstore, not one client has made its way in ever since I got here and all there is left to do is make sure the books on the showcase are on their place and change some price tags. Normally, I would think this is boring as fuck but judging by how I was feeling, I am actually enjoying every single second of it.

I grab some books that are no longer supposed to be on the showcase and make my way over to the cashier, where Sarah is. She has her elbows leaned on the counter, her chin resting on her hands and her eyes locked on me, studying every single move I make with great attention.

"Do you got something to ask, Sarah?"

"Yeah, what´s gotten into you?"

I arch an eyebrow. "What makes you think there´s something going on?"

"Oh please, we´ve been working together for two years. Do you really think I can´t notice when you are not at your best?"

I roll my eyes, place the books down and lean on the counter too. "Remember your sexy customer?"

All of a sudden her eyes were a lot more interested in this conversation. "Your ballet teacher? Of course I remember him."

"Yeah well, I had the brilliant idea of kissing him."

"You did what?!"

I nod my head, burying my face in my hands. "We were dancing together and I thought it would be a great idea to kiss him."

"Like, a full on kiss? Tongue and all?" I groan and nod my head once again, hearing her giggles. "Was it good?"

"Was it good?" I look up, her face merely inches away from mine as she waits for an answer. "Better than I had imagined and that´s why this situation is so bad."

"Why is it bad?"

"Because he couldn´t give a damn about it, he told me we should just forget it. I have never felt so embarrassed in my life and I can´t even find the guts to look him in the eye. And because I am quite a lucky guy, I have a class with him tonight."

"Let me guess, you are thinking going to this class is a big mistake."

"And it is."

Sarah crosses her arms, eyeing me up and down as I furrow my eyebrows. "Sweetie, avoid him won´t get you anywhere. I understand that you might not be feeling your best right now and that you are a little mad at him, but you can´t simply throw away everything because of one kiss. Those classes are important to you and if he is the best teacher you can find, I think you should suck it up and go to class."

"Ansel said the exact same thing."

She nods. "Great minds think alike."

"Except that I am feeling like shit, like the most stupid person in the entire world. He let me in just a bit and I thought...I let that get the best of me and let down my guard, let my feelings take over."

"Oh for fuck´s sake, you are acting like you committed some crime. You kissed him and he asked you to forget about it, what else did you expected him to do, Tim? He is your teacher."

"He could have been a bit more caring about what I was feeling."

"Did you tell him how you were feeling? That you were not sure you could do that and that you were embarrassed?"

I shrug. "No, not really. I mean I told him I was sorry and all, but I didn´t..."

"If you didn´t tell him, he doesn´t know what he is doing is hurting you. I´m sure he had his own struggles with this whole situation, he wasn´t expecting you to kiss him."

"You got a point."

"You know people can be mean, if anyone finds out about this they could say he was seducing you or anything. So although I don´t personally know him, I think he was only trying to do the right thing."

I bite on my lip, scratching my neck as I stare at her. All that she said does have a point and I can actually start to see Arm...Mr. Hammer´s side on this, still it hurts to look at him and see nothing in his eyes.

"Why don´t you go home, Timmy? There´s not much to do here, so go back to your place, rest a little bit and think about what I said before deciding if you are going or not to your class. And if you do decide not to go, call him or text him and let him know. If you are thinking he is being a jerk regarding all of this, be the better person and show him there are other ways of approaching the situation."

"Wow, you are good at this."

"Those psychology classes I took in college did pay off."

I chuckle and reach out for my bag, swing it on my shoulder and quickly make my way out of the store. The sun is high up in the sky and it doesn´t even seem like the past two days the rain had taken over the city. I take a few deep breaths, trying to let all of Sarah´s words sink in and appreciating the sun light in my face, reinvigorating me.

 

******

 

The music is louder than usual as I make my way up the stairs, hands sweating and mouth dry. I thought about everything that Ansel and Sarah had said and decided it wouldn´t kill me to at least try to keep up with the classes, maybe I would surprise myself and see things are not as bad as they are. Or maybe everything will go downhill and by the end of this night, neither I nor Mr. Hammer will ever be able to look at each other again.

Let the games begin!

I walk in and see him down on the floor doing push ups, which already seems like I am on a whole different dimension. He had never done this as a warming up and I furrow my eyebrows, trying to understand exactly what is going on. He looks at me for a brief second, his chest practically pressed on the floor, and gets up after he does one more. 

He gives me a small smile and reaches for a towel, drying off the sweat that is already sliding down his neck and forehead. Mr. Hammer is wearing a loose and long t-shirt today, as if he wants to make sure his chest is as covered as possible after the whole Monday debacle.

"Glad to see you, Timothée."

"You said nothing had changed, so here I am."

He gives me a quick look and it only takes me a second to understand what it is. He doesn´t want to even talk about it anymore, he is full on pretending it never happened -although his change of clothes guarantees me he does remember-, and all I can do is accept this reality.

"Start with some barre exercises and then I want you to keep on working on your turnout."

"What about the Pas de Deux? Are we gonna go back to that like you said we would?"

I might be angry, sad and heartbroken, but I can still be a little brat when I want to. The look he gives me is the one of someone who is trying their hard to maintain their posture and don´t break down. I know it well, because it is the exact same look I had on my face earlier this morning.

"We´ll go back to that another night. I think we should stick to the turnout and maybe high jump exercises for tonight."

I nod my head and take off my shirt, stretching out my arms and legs before I walk over to the barre. He doesn´t even look at me throughout the five minutes I am there, only stealing a quick glance when I start working on my turnout. I bite my lip, feeling the pressure on my hips and the slightest bit of pain. I don´t think I will ever master this shit.

"Don´t force it, Timothée. Remember what I told you the other day, forcing will only get you to hurt yourself and that is not what we want."

Sure, you are the only one allowed to do that.

"If it´s hurting, stop doing, stretch out a bit more and then try again. If you feel like you still can´t do it, then don´t."

"Of course, Mr. Hammer."

And that´s the moment I finally see him show me some kind of reaction. For over two weeks now I have been calling him Armie, just like he said I could, and the moment I go back to Mr. Hammer is clear to me that his entire body stiffens and he bites on his lip. My lips twitch into a small smile, my brain processing what this could mean.

Things are definitely not good, but at least I know he is affected by the fact I went back to calling him Mr. Hammer.

  
  
  
  



	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The angst continues, but Timothée finds a way to get his mind off of his problems...even if only for a night.

As if last night´s class was not enough indication that things between me and Mr. Hammer were not good, this morning pretty much sealed the deal. I woke up in time, had a nice little breakfast and made my way out of the apartment only to find out my door wasn't locking from the outside. I tried to fix everything as quick as possible, but nothing seemed to work and once I finally managed to reach the studio, I was already almost twenty minutes late.

As it usually happened whenever anyone was late to his classes or interrupted him, I got up the stairs expecting to get an ice cold glare from Mr. Hammer, but once I walked in I realized just how weird things were between us. Mr. Hammer, along with everyone else, turned to me, but all I got was a brief look and him motioning me to stand beside Steve.

I sighed, giving him a quick nod and he swiftly shifted his gaze back to the class and went on with his instructions. I tried to be as quick as possible, tying my hair and fixing my tights before joining everyone else for centre practice. It didn't take me long to realize there was something different on Mr. Hammer, his was his usual serious self, but his voice was calm and not as loud as it normally was.

But I soon realized that his voice was not really the issue here. Class progressed smoothly, we practiced our routine, he incorporated some new movements but there was one thing bugging me more than anything. He never even got close to me. Mr. Hammer walked around the class as he usually did, giving us advice on how to make the movements look better, how to make sure we were not overdoing anything, he corrected everyone´s posture, helped with the high legs movements when needed and yet, when it came to me, nothing really happened.

He would stay a few feet away, explain to me what I was doing wrong and step back as quickly as he could, with his eyes down to the floor. It was making me feel so bad with myself to go through all of this, for more than one moment during class I felt like I should stop everything, turn to him and tell him I was sorry, that all I wanted was to get things back to normal.

_ Which normal are we talking about here, huh? Morning classes Mr. Hammer or night classes Mr. Hammer? Cause you might as well have lost both. _

I tried my best to keep that voice tamed, not listen to the silly things it was telling me because I knew it would only make things harder. Ansel had told me more than once I had to be patient, things were not going to be solved so easily and that I should try to see Mr. Hammer´s side too, try to understand how overwhelmed he must have been with the entire situation. It was easier said than done, though, because my head was a mix of sadness and angriness that I didn't really know how to live with.

By the time class ended I could barely stay inside that studio anymore, I was feeling drained and sad and so many other things I didn't even know how to comprehend. I took off my shoes, stuffed them inside my bag and followed Ansel out of the room, not without taking one quick look over my shoulder.

Mr. Hammer was leaned against the wall, arms crossed and blue eyes stuck on me. The stare made me feel uneasy and as much as I tried to read his face, I simply couldn´t figure out exactly what he was feeling, what he was trying to say. I gave him a quiet nod before leaving and he returned it, that was probably the biggest interaction we had the entire morning.

“Hey, are you okay?” 

We are walking down the street, the studio now a few blocks away from us but the image of Mr. Hammer staring at me still vivid on my brain. I try to push it back, focus my mind on something and give Ansel a quick nod.

“You do know you are a terrible liar, right?”

I chuckle, taking a quick look at him before shrugging my shoulders. “You know what my problem is, Ansel. This whole situation is getting the best of me, but I am not gonna drag you into this, okay? You already helped the best way you could, you gave me advice, now it's up to me to figure my shit out.”

“Maybe you should try to channel your attention on something else and I am not talking about ballet or anything. Go to the park and spend the day there, watch some movies, go see a play, visit your parents, just do something that makes you happy and takes your mind off of the problems. It will clear your head and once you go back to this issue, you will see things are not as hard as they seem to be.”

I nod my head and turn to look at him, trying to put on a smile as he arches an eyebrow. “Come to dinner tonight, you and Olivia.”

“Are you sure?”

“You just told me to focus my attention on something else and that's what I'm gonna do. I´ll cook us something, maybe we watch a movie later, just hang out and not think or talk about Mr. Hammer, the kiss or even ballet.”

“Okay, I´ll talk to Olivia.”

  
  


********

 

There´s a mix of smells filling the apartment as I turn the steaks around, making sure both side are equally as cooked. The heat of the stove and the oven makes the entire place feel like it´s 100 degrees, making me sweat a little bit and just the sight of the food already makes my stomach growl.

I walk over to the front door and unlock it, knowing Sarah is already on her way up. It doesn´t take her long to get in, a wide smile on her face and her red hair up in a pony tail. 

"I brought wine, hope your friends will like it as much I do."

"I´m sure they will love it."

She sets the wine down and moves around the counter, her hands resting on my shoulders as she looks past me to the stove. "Well, look at that, Mr. Chalamet is actually a chef."

"I am far from being a chef, but I´m not gonna lie, I am quite good in the kitchen."

"Oh, husband material."

I chuckle and point over to the cupboards. "Could help me with the dishes and stuff? It´s all over there, you´ll find it easily."

Sarah walks around the kitchen as if she owns the place, swiftly finding everything she needs to set the table. "What is tonight's menu, Mr. Chalamet?"

"Tonight we will have Caesar Salad, Grilled Steak with vegetables and baked potatoes with cheese."

Sarah chuckled, taking a seat in one of the stools as she opened the wine, pouring each one of us a glass. "Seriously, I had no idea cooking was one of your hidden talents, Timmy."

"I normally only cook the basic, enough for me to get by, but sometimes I like to try out new things. And since the past few days have been a bit stressful for me, I figured out cooking would be nice to get my mind off of everything."

"And by everything you mean Mr. Hammer?"

I take the glass, drink it all and then pour myself some more. "Yes, I mean Mr. Hammer and I hope we can leave him out of the subject of the night."

"Whatever you want, sweetie."

I smile at her and turn back to the food, opening the oven and letting the smell of potatoes and cheese fill the air. There´s a quick knock on the door and Sarah jumps out of the stool and walks over to it before I can even say anything. I take the roaster with the potato out of the oven and place it down on the counter as Ansel and Olivia make their way over, a smile on their faces and a plastic bag on each of their hands.

"We brought ice cream, brownie and cookies."

"Oh my God, this night is turning out to be even better than I imagined."

I let out a chuckle and slide a glass to each one of them as they sat down, pouring some wine for them. I take the ice cream from Olivia and place on the fridge before taking the steaks out of the stove. I sit down along with them, a proud smile on my face as I watch the food displayed there. I can only wish the rest of the night will be as relaxing as cooking was.

 

******

 

"Can someone please explain to me how all of a sudden you guys are already planning my wedding?" 

Ansel´s voice is barely heard as Sarah and Olivia keep on looking through wedding dresses on Pinterest. I chuckle, tossing another popcorn into my mouth as I watch him squirm on the floor, trying to get their attention and consequently to shut them up. It´s not like the idea had not crossed his mind, I had been on the receiving end of a very long conversation -although at the time seemed more like a monologue- about whether it was or not time for him to pop the question. They were together for nearly four years now.

He looks at me with pleading eyes and I can´t help but laugh, a loud laugh that actually does get the girls attention. Sarah puts the phone down, her eyes on me and an eyebrow arched. Olivia mirrors her look, but instead of staring at me, her gaze moves from me to Ansel repeatedly.

"What´s so funny," they both asked in unison.

"Oh lord, they are like the same person already." Ansel throws himself on the floor dramatically and I take a few quick breaths, trying to recover myself so I can talk properly.

"You two were so caught up on those wedding dresses, you didn´t even notice the poor guy there, almost having a heart attack with the possibility of leaving this apartment with an entire wedding planned."

"And why would that be so bad?" The tone in Olivia´s voice is slightly defiant, but one I have heard enough to know it´s not exactly that serious.

"Nothing wrong with planning a wedding, babe, I´d just like to ask you first."

Sarah smirked. "Well, maybe you should."

Ansel shots her a look and she shrugs her shoulder. "You just got here, lady, don´t push me." She lifts her hands in surrender and Ansel gets up. "I believe there are a lot of other subjects we can cover here, right?"

"I just thought this one was quite amusing. Since we can´t talk about Mr. Hammer, I thought..."

"Wait, what?" Ansel arches an eyebrow, his eyes turning to me as I sigh. "That´s why you have been laughing your ass off, isn´t it? My doom is actually so you can diverge the focus from Mr. Hammer? Nice one, dude, nice one."

"Hey, you said I should channel my attention on something else. Seems like your marriage is the right thing to do."

"Ha ha ha."

Olivia shakes her head, her hand resting on Ansel´s knee. "Well, you don´t need to get all hot and bothered, Ansel, I don´t plan on getting married right now, so chill out."

"Thank you."

"Well, this just got very boring."

I laugh at Sarah, who throws herself back on the pillows that are lying on the floor. I take a few sips of my drink and get up, walking back to the kitchen to grab some ice cream. "We have chocolate and pistachio ice cream, which one do you guys want?"

"Both," they all answer and I roll my eyes, taking a few bowls from the cupboard. 

"Oh, the other day you said you had a proposition to make us, something regarding Pauline. What is it about?"

I suddenly get excited again, I add the bowls of ice cream on a tray and head back to balcony, placing the tray down in between us. "Pauline wants me to spend a few days with her over there, so I thought that maybe, once the auditions to Juilliard are over we could all go there. You can come too, Sarah."

"Yeah, like I got money to spend some days in Paris. Thanks, Timmy, but is a big no to me."

Olivia and Ansel look at each other, smiles on their faces before they turn to me with a shrug. Sometimes they are so coordinated they actually look like fucking twins. "I think it would be a great idea, Tim. Olivia sure would love the experience, but we don´t really know which will be our schedule after the auditions, but once we have that slightly figured out, I am okay with it."

"Okay, that´s a start. It has been so long since Pauline and I got to spend some time together and I am sure having you guys around would make it even better. You too, Sarah, even though your big mouth annoys me sometimes."

"I would be hurt if I didn´t know better than this. You love me, Timmy, admit it."

I chuckle and stuff some ice cream in my mouth, watching as the stars shine bright in the sky and let out a breath. It turns out Ansel was right, all I needed was to change my focus for a moment and things would start getting better.

 

*******

 

I take a quick look around the apartment, sighing as I notice the mess on the kitchen sink. For a brief second I ponder the idea of washing it all, but that quickly leaves my mind. I take off my clothes and jump into my bed, throwing the thin sheets over me as I reach over for my phone, looking through some apps. My fingers hover over the Instagram icon, only one account in my mind as I stare out the window.

I let go of my pride and click the icon, instantly typing out Mr. Hammer´s name and watching as his account comes to view. There´s only two new pictures, one of him sitting on the studio, all lights turned off but one which shines on top of him; the other is him lying on the floor, laughing. The wrinkles on his eyes, his eyes closed and those few strands of hair falling on to his face makes him look even more gorgeous than he already is.

I let my lips curve in a small smile, half of me extremely happy to be looking at him, but another part of me feeling sad over the fact the relationship we were slowly building is crumbling to the ground. I sigh, turning off the phone and toss it to the nightstand. I turn off the lights and lie down, eyes stuck into the ceiling as I let the images of our kiss take over my mind until I finally fall asleep.

  
  
  



	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because at some point Mr. Hammer would crack....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the fandom is in need of good things, so let me try to help some way.... ;)

I watch as Ansel spins around en pointe, his arms on third position, his eyes focused and his face serious. He starts an Adagio, slow movements that transition from one to the other so smoothly it seems like the movements flow from one to the other. He does an Arabesque and then quickly moves into an Assemble, his arms changing into fourth position. He stops after a few Pirouettes, the sweat pouring down his forehead as he takes a few deep breaths, looking over at me with questioning eyes.

"So, what you think?"

"I think it´s great, but that second Tour en L´air you are doing seems a bit forced. I get that you are using it to transition from the Adagio to the Allegro, but it´s happening all of a sudden."

“I´ve been practicing that move for the entire week and can´t seem to get it to go smoothly."

"Then remove it."

"Excuse me?"

I sigh, crossing my arms as I look at him with a serious look on my face. "Mr. Hammer said himself that if something doesn´t look good or is taking too much to master, then you should remove it. Ansel, you know he is not easy and I say you do whatever you can to make sure your routine is as clean and smooth as possible. That second Tour en L´air does not look good right now and I highly doubt you will be able to master by tomorrow morning."

He rolls his eyes, taking a seat in front of me on the wooden floor of his apartment. "I really wish I had more time to practice, think I can convince him to let me do this next Friday?"

"You are joking, right?"

Ansel shrugs, drinking some of his water. "Maybe you could talk to him, get him to give me a few more days."

"You know well enough that things have not been going well between Mr. Hammer and I. The past two weeks have been like hell to me, no matter how much I try, things are still awkward and uncomfortable between us."

"You haven't talked much about the situation the past few days, I thought that maybe things were starting to get better."

"Better? He still has trouble talking to me, looking at me and he avoids touching me at any cost. Yesterday night I was doing a turnout and he came closer to me, he was just about to hold onto my hips to help me on the movement, but he flinched on the last second. He simply looked at me and told me how to keep on going."

"Maybe the kiss affected him more than you think."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, he is completely grossed out by my existence, that´s how affected he is."

"Oh c´mon, Tim, don´t be like this."

"It´s been over two weeks since I kissed him, Ansel, and he still can´t look me in the eye. What else can it be? The only reason he decided to go on with the classes is because he is a professional."

Ansel sighs and gets up, fixing his tights. "No matter how great of a professional he is, if he truly was that bothered by the kiss I think he would kindly ask you to cancel everything."

I look up at him, slightly confused. "Exactly what are you trying to tell me, Ansel?"

"That he cares, more than you think."

I arch an eyebrow and watch as he walks over to the kitchen, leaving me behind. I get up quickly and run after him, leaning against the threshold and crossing my arms. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

He keeps his back towards me for a few seconds before turning around, leaning against the counter, his eyes with a hint of uncertainty. "I am not sure I should tell you this, because honestly it could mean nothing, but..."

"Say it, Ansel."

"The morning after the kiss, you didn´t go to class and after everyone left the studio he asked to talk to me. He was a bit uneasy, fidgeting with his fingers and bouncing from side to side, I have never seen him so uncomfortable with himself..."

"For fuck´s sake, Ansel, get to the point."

"He was really worried about you, he wanted to know why you didn´t go to class and when I said you were not feeling okay, well he was clearly affected by it."

_ Ansel told me you were not feeling so good.  _ I remember him talking about it, how he had talked to Ansel and how he had been worried about me, but at that moment I barely registered the whole thing.

“Why didn't you tell me this before?”

"Because although I would love to help you get out of this bad vibe you are in, I didn´t think it was my business to get in between this whole thing. This is your and Mr. Hammer´s business and I want you guys to solve it in between you guys."

"He did mention he was worried about me, but he was being so cold that day I didn´t really give much thought to any of it. I don´t think I even registered to be honest, the way he so easily ditched the subject, I didn´t think he cared."

Ansel shakes his head, sliding a glass of water over to me. "He took two hours of his day to teach you private classes, of all his students he only did that with you. He was opening up to you, showing a version of himself none of us know. He didn´t just stood there, he actually kissed you back and now he can barely get close to you. I don´t know what else you need to realize that he actually does care about you more than he should."

I arch an eyebrow. "More than he should?"

"He likes you, Timothée. Maybe he doesn´t even know it, but he does like you."

"You have no idea of what you are talking about."

He sighs. "Suit yourself, if you want to be completely blind then so be it. Can we go back to my training now? I wanna try it out without the Tour en L´air."

I simply nod my head and watch from the corner of my eyes as Ansel makes his way back to the kitchen. Is there any chance of him being right? Is Mr. Hammer´s coldness towards me his way of trying not to cross a line? I shake my head, pushing those thoughts away and drink my water, before heading back to the living room.

 

*******

 

Ansel´s movements are delicate, slow and beautiful; his arms are always perfectly elongated and he keeps a serious look on his face, but it's easy to see he is relaxed and very confident with his routine. He removed the extra Tour en L´air, exchanging it for a sequence of Pirouettes that started extremely fast and ended in a way that it almost seemed like he was in slow motion.

The song he dances transitions from a very fast pace to a slow, more dramatic one and it requires a lot of variations on his movements, but he does it all with grace. I smile at myself, happy to see him doing so well and dare myself to look to my left, watching as Mr. Hammer sits in a chair and watches, extremely concentrated, every single move Ansel makes. 

His eyebrows are furrowed, he is biting on his lip but after all this time having classes with him, I know that when he is watching us very intensively that usually occurs. It's one of the things that make me realize how different he gets when he is the one dancing, because no matter how concentrated he is, when he is the one in the middle of the room, his face is always calm.

Mr. Hammer moves on the chair and I swiftly advert my eyes from him, looking back at Ansel, who is the middle of a high jumping sequence. His foot barely touches the ground before he propels himself back up, opening his legs in a Grand Écart and extending his arms in second position. After he lands on the floor, Ansel spins around  _ en pointe  _ with his arms still extended and finishes by sliding down to the floor on his knees.

A symphony of clapping hands and whistles comes right after, all of us getting up as Ansel does the same. He bows, a sly smile on his face while he looks at us, but that smile quickly turns into a much more restrained one when he looks at Mr. Hammer.

“Well done, Ansel.”

“Thanks,” he lets out a breath, aware that Mr. Hammer probably has some negative things to say, but still, it was a great start.

“What I like the most is that you know what you do best and you took advantage of that to create a beautiful routine. Your movements transitioned very well, very gracefully and you seemed quite at ease with everything you were doing. You had a moment of nervousness on the beginning and that is comprehensive, but you manage to get rid of that and found a way to focus solely on what you were doing. The transition you did from the Adagio to the Allegro was very well executed.”

“I had a bit of a hard time with that one, to be honest, but Timothée helped me.”

My eyes go wide as I hear him say my name and I am almost certain that by the time Mr. Hammer turns to look at me, I am already blushing. I shouldn't be, I was simply helping my friend, but I certainly wasn't expecting to be put on the spot like this.

“You did a good job helping him, Timothée. I am glad you took some of your time to help your friend.”

That's probably the most he's talked to me in the last couple of days and I am so damn overwhelmed all I can do is nod.

“You guys should talk to each other about your routines, see how you can help one another improve. We are all working together here.”

_ Maybe you should take your own advice and talk to me, you asshole. _

Oh great, not now.

I stick my hand in my pockets and keep on hearing Mr. Hammer, trying to push that voice back and think about what kind of question or comment I should do. Mr. Hammer makes sure each one of us shares our opinions about each other´s routines and to be honest, that had to be my least favorite part of the whole thing.

“So, overall you did a great job, Ansel, I would pay a bit more attention to your Tour en L´air and your slid, make sure you don't force your knees too much.” Ansel nods, a beaming smile on his face as he turns to me and I can´t help but chuckle. “Okay, who´s got questions?”

 

******

 

I lean against the studio door while I watch Mr. Hammer lean against the window, watching the city bellow him. It's kind of weird and creepy to just stand there, I will admit to that, but our relationship has been so weird lately that the few little moments I get to simply stare at him, without drama or awkwardness bring me some kind of happiness.

_ He likes you, Timothée. Maybe he doesn´t even know it, but he does like you. _

“Good night.”

My voice echoes in the quiet studio and Mr. Hammer instantly turns around, giving me a small smile.

“Good night, Timothée.”

I throw my bag on the ground and get down to put on my shoes, feeling Mr. Hammer´s eyes on me the entire time. A shiver runs down my spine, the hair on my neck stands up and my hands tremble a little bit. Ever since the kiss he hasn't stare at me with such an intensity.

Knowing he is looking at me makes the whole task of tying my shoes more difficult than it really is, which leads me to spend long minutes there, repeating the same movements over and over again until I can get it done properly. He doesn't say anything and I can only tell he moved when I hear the low music coming to life.

I don't even dare to look too much at him when I realize he is warming up, I don't wanna be caught staring at him, aware that it would only make things a lot more difficult than they already are. I get up and stretch myself up too, the silence between us killing me and that urge to scream at him comes back.

_ Then do it, you idiot, you might surprise yourself. _

“We´re gonna start with Grand Écart exercises, okay? Then later I want you to go through some turnout exercises again, you´re still having some trouble with it and I want to make sure you are constantly training.”

“Okay, that's fine by me. Should I start already?”

My voice sounds way more dry than I wanted to and I can see by the look on his face he is slightly surprised by my attitude. I sigh and stare at him, silently waiting until he nods his head, not a single word leaving his mouth.

 

*******

 

My muscles are already worked up from the Grand Écart training as I stand in front of the mirror, feet moving slightly as I start to work on my turnout. There's a thin layer of sweat on my entire body, my shirt is clinging into my chest and I keep on trying to push some of my hair back while trying to concentrate.

It frustrates me how hard it is for me to do a perfect turnout, the constant training and pain I endure because of it doesn't seem to be taking me anywhere, and the fact Mr. Hammer keeps staring at me doesn't really help.

I control my breathing, following Mr. Hammer´s instructions to inhale through my diaphragm and exhale completely. The repetition helps me clear my head and I feel myself moving a bit better, the turnout coming out a lot easier than it was.

Mr. Hammer lets out a breath and walks over, standing behind me, his eyes locking on mine through the mirror reflection. “Go back to first position. You are still forcing too much, if you keep going with this you will eventually get an injure.”

“I'm still not sure what to do to make it better.”

“Practice, Timothée, all you can do to perfection your turnout is practice. Have you been doing it at least once a day like I told you to?”

I shake my head. “I have a lot in my mind lately, I try to do it every day, but it's not working out very well.”

Mr. Hammers blinks a couple of times, his expression a bit more serious and I wonder if he knows that our kiss is the thing that has been clouding my thoughts.

“Well, you should try a bit harder to make a routine out of this. I know you can do it, but if you only practice during classes, then you will try to push yourself harder and it will only end badly. C´mon, relax your body and close your eyes. I want you to focus your mind only on your hip bones and nothing else.”

I nod and do as told, controlling my breathing and allowing my body to relax. I try to clear my head, focus only on my hip bones as Mr. Hammer has said, but as I am about to do so his hands find my hips and presses on it. My blood boils, my head spins and a shiver runs through my body. Now, it has been over two weeks since he touched me and no matter how much I try, I can´t help but feel my entire body tremble.

Sadly, he notices that too.

Mr. Hammer hands pulls away from my body as if he had just touched fire and he steps back. Through the mirror I can see him bite his lip, run his hand through his hair and mumble something I can´t hear. I bite on my lip too, trying to keep myself quiet, but I have been through too much and I can´t handle this situation any longer.

I turn to face him, sweating even more now, feeling my heart pound inside my chest as every single hair on my body stands ups.

“Okay, that's it, I can´t handle this situation anymore.” He arches an eyebrow, his confused eyes locked on me. “For almost three weeks now I have been trying to get around this, to make this whole situation a little less awkward, but you are not helping.”

“Timothée…”

“You said we should pretend nothing ever happened and I tried, I fucking tried but I can´t do it and I don't think you can do it either…”

“Timothée…”

“...you barely look me in the eye, you only talk to me when it's extremely necessary and now you can´t even get close to me without feeling repulsed…”

“Timothée…”

“...I am sorry for what I did and I am sorry for creating such an awkward situation between us, but I don't think this is working anymore. Pretend nothing happened means going back to how things were before it even happened and clearly none of us is being able…”

“Shut up.” Is all he says before I can feel his lips on mine, his hands sliding to my waist and pulling my body close to his. I stay still for a few seconds, my eyes wide and my mind going on overdrive.

When the realization of what is going on finally hits me, I feel my body go pliant on his touch, my arms moving to wrap around his neck, my mouth opening to accept his tongue. My head is spinning as we stumble around the studio, my back hitting the mirror as I push my body closer to his, feeling every single muscle of his body pressed against mine.

I knot my fingers on his hair as his hands cradle my face and our kiss intensifies. Our tongues are fighting for control, our bodies are burning with desire, the sloppy sounds of our wet lips filling the air.

Mr. Hammer pulls away and we both gasp for air, our flushed faces close, our bodies still pressed. He stares at me for a second or two before burying his face in my neck, shaking his head as he curses at himself repeatedly. I furrow my eyebrows, suddenly confused and scared by the situation.

Will he walk away? Will he tell me we should forget about this kiss too and just cancel our private classes?

His body is shaking, his breathing is heavy and I honestly don't know what to do or say, so I just stand there, my hands sliding down his back and resting on his waist.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three minutes.

“Mr….A-armie, please say something.”

“Fuck, I shouldn't have done this.” I can barely hear his whisper, but I can feel his lips brushing against my skin. “Fuck, I'm so stupid.”

“Well, that's not exactly what I wanted to hear.”

He chuckles and pulls away, hands resting on my cheeks and blue eyes filled with so many different emotions I can´t even start to name them.

“You are my student, Timothée.”

“So?”

“This is wrong, if anyone ever finds out what happened here…”

“I'm not a child anymore, Armie, you didn't force me to do anything. I kissed you first, I was the one who couldn't separate things.”

“And you think I could?” I stare at him, unsure of what to say. He steps back, grabbing fistfuls of his hair as he paces around. “The moment I offered you these classes I knew I was making a mistake, I knew I would never be able to keep things professional and that something like this would eventually happen. But I lied to myself, saying I was stronger than whatever I was feeling, telling myself that I was just helping a student. Bullshit, all bullshit.”

_ He likes you. _

“Are you saying… did you…”

“Have feelings for you?” He turns to face me and I nod my head quietly, taking a step closer. “Ever since you first walked into my class almost two years ago.”

I swallow hard, my breathing getting impossible shallow, my legs turning into jelly.

_ He likes you. _

_ He likes you. _

_ He likes you. _

I don't say anything nor do I wait for him to so say it, I close the gap between us once again and smash my lips against his, knotting my fingers on his hair and kissing him with hunger.

His strong arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me up, a little squeal leaving me as he does so, which makes him smirk. I wrap my legs around his hips, tugging on his shirt as I feel his grip around me tighten.

The only part of my brain that is working at the moment is the one guiding the kiss, the one that makes me feel his soft lips against mine and makes my tongue explore his mouth. I moan, repeatedly and unabashedly.

I am completely lost in euphoria.

  
  
  



	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée and Mr. Hammer begin something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it´s been a while, but enjoy all the fluff that comes with the start of Timothée and Mr. Hammer´s relationship.

The only part of my brain that is working at the moment is the one guiding the kiss, the one that makes me feel his soft lips against mine and makes my tongue explore his mouth. I moan, repeatedly and unabashedly.

I am completely lost in euphoria.

The music keeps on playing, but it's nothing more than background noise now, a sweet melody to our moment of bliss and desire. My body burns and I feel goosebumps all over, my hands tugging on his soft hair, pulling on it as I suck on his tongue and lip.

Armie leans me against the mirror once again, his large and warm hands holding tight onto my waist, helping me keep my balance. The contrast of the cold mirror on my back and his hot body pressed against mine drives me wild, it almost makes me feel lightheaded.

I keep on moaning, my hands desperate to explore every single inch of Armie´s body and figure out if all I had dreamt of was actually true. My hands quickly find the waistline of his tights and my fingers trace it teasingly before I cup his cock through the fabric of the pants.

A small groan escapes him, but his hand swiftly moves to mine and grabs both my wrists, pinning my arms above my head in such a fast movement that I barely have time to process what happened. His lips leave mine and find shelter on my shoulder, his tongue and teeth dragging through the skin.

“Control yourself, boy.” His voice is hoarse, low and goes straight to my cock, which starts growing harder. “There's no need to rush anything here.”

“Oh fuck.” I gasp as he finds my sweet spot and sucks on it. “You are gonna keep teasing me, aren't you?”

Armie smirks and frees my arms and I drop them to his shoulders, my nails digging on his flesh. He leaves kisses all the way from my shoulder to my face, stopping when he is practically touching my lips. I can feel his hot breathing all over me. “When have I ever teased you?”

“Besides now?” I turn slightly to the side, our eyes meeting in an intense stare. “Let me see, whenever you would put on a show as you took your shirt off, when you were warming up, being all sweaty and breathless in front of me, holding my hips, walking or…”

“Existing?” He is joking, but only God knows how true this is for me.

“Yeah, actually.” He smirks, his teeth pulling on my bottom lip as his hands slide down to my thighs and he grips on them, pulling me impossibly closer. 

“I apologize then, I never meant to tease you.”

“I didn't say I didn't like it.” I lick my lips and can see his eyes wander to it. It makes me so horny to see the effect I have on him, to see him reacting to the smallest of the gestures I make. It's still hard to believe this is all real.

_ But it is, you idiot, so take advantage of it. _

“Kiss me, Mr. Hammer.”

Armie´s eyes go dark the moment his name leaves my lips in a teasing whisper. He presses his groin against mine, our hardening cocks rubbing together and sinks his nails on my thighs, the tingle of pain making me grip tighter onto him. When our lips meet he is a bit rougher, hungrier than he previously was and I smile to myself. Being in his arms makes me feel complete.

  
  


*******

  
  


I don´t even know how I manage to make it back home after the last few hours. Being in Armie´s arms, feeling his lips against mine and hearing his whisper on my ear has left my legs floppy and it´s a miracle that I am actually able to go up five flights of stairs. The goofy ass smile I have on my lips doesn´t seem like it´s going to disappear anytime soon, it´s like I have been embraced by a haze of happiness, arousal and desire. 

I unlock the door and walk in, leaning against the wall as I replay every single detail of the night in my head. There´s so much going on inside of me, so much happiness and excitement I feel like screaming from the top of my lungs. My phone starts ringing in my pocket and I reach for it, answering Ansel´s call as I walk over to the kitchen, pouring myself some water.

"Where the hell are you?"

"At home?" I take a few sips of iced cold water, the liquid helping me cool myself down.

"What? You said you would meet me and Olivia after you left class."

"Shit." I sigh and shake my head, just now remembering the plans I had made with them. I want to tell him exactly why I forgot about them and as I am about to say, something stops me. Armie and I have not talked about how we´re gonna approach our relationship, if we have a relationship.

"Tim?"

"Sorry, Ansel, I wasn´t feeling very good after class and decided to take a walk, get some fresh air, you know? I totally forgot I had made plans with you guys, actually I just got home."

"It´s midnight."

"See? I completely lost track of time."

He is silent for a while and I can only hear the sound of the music in the distance, chattering and some laughs. "Are you okay? What happened in class that made you forget about everything else?"

Oh if you only knew, my friend.

"Nothing major, just the usual."

"He´s still not talking to you like he used to?"

"Ansel, you are having fun with your girlfriend, why don´t we talk about this some other time? I´m gonna go to bed and try to relax a little bit and you have a couple of shots for me."

"Okay. You are sure you are okay, right?"

"Yes, I am, no need to worry."

"Okay. Olivia is sending you a kiss and she wishes you were here with us."

I chuckle. "I´ll be there next time, I promise."

"Don´t make promises to her, you know better than this."

"Apparently, I don´t. Good night, Ansel."

"Good night. Call us if you need anything."

"Will do, thank you."

I hang up the phone and toss the phone on the bed. I kick off my shoes and take off my clothes before climbing onto bed, pulling the thin sheets over my body as I rest my chin on my knees, reaching for my phone so I can take a look at my messages.

The phone starts vibrating the moment I touch it and I arch an eyebrow as I see the message that pops up on my screen. I bite on my lip, suppressing a smile as I realize Armie stole my number from the whatsapp group we have, a group he created to let us know when a class had to be cancelled.

 

**_Mr. Hammer: [12:08 a.m.]_ ** _ I hope you made it home safe. _

**_Timothée: [12:10 a.m.]_ ** _ Did you steal my phone from our whatsapp group, Mr. Hammer? _

_               Not very professional of you, huh? _

**_Mr: Hammer: [12:12 a.m.]_ ** _ I think we´re pass the whole professional thing, dont ya? _

**_Timothée: [12:14 a.m.]_ ** _ You can say so _

_ Yes, I made it home safe. _

_ Kind of wish I could still be there, tho ;) _

**_Mr. Hammer: [12:17 a.m.]_ ** _ Do not tease me, boy. _

**_Timothée: [12:20 a.m.]_ ** _ But its so much fun to do so. _

_ Can I see you tomorrow? _

**_Mr. Hammer: [12:22 a.m.]_ ** _ Sure. I dont teach on saturday  _

_     I got the whole day off. _

**_Timothée: [12:25 a.m.]_ ** _ Where do we meet? _

**_Mr: Hammer: [12:26 a.m.]_ ** _ At the studio.  _

_     Is that okay? _

**_Timothée: [12:27 a.m.]_ ** _ Only if you promise we will finish that Pas de Deux _

**_Mr. Hammer: [12:28 a.m.]_ ** _ Only if you promise not to runaway _

**_Timothée: [12:30 a.m.]_ ** _ You are stuck with me, Mr. Hammer. _

_ I dont plan on running away anytime soon. _

**_Mr. Hammer: [12:32 a.m.]_ ** _ Good to know. _

_     Go to bed, its getting late. _

_     See you tomorrow at the studio. _

_     3 p.m. okay? _

**_Timothée: [12:32 a.m.]_ ** _ I´ll be there. _

_ Good night. _

**_Mr. Hammer: [12:33 a.m.]_ ** _ Good night. _

 

I place the phone down on the nightstand and lie down on the bed, my eyes stuck on the ceiling and a bright smile on my face. I think it´s safe to say I won´t be sleeping anytime soon.

  
  


*******

 

The sun is high in the sky and there are no clouds in sight, the temperature is high but nothing excessive, which makes walking around a bit more pleasant. I can see the building in the distance and a smile comes to my lips right away, I unconsciously increase my pace, dying to be reunited with Armie once again. The events of the previous nights are still so fresh in my memory, but I also can´t wait to have new things to remember him by.

The front door is closed but unlocked and suddenly I feel very self-conscious, looking over my shoulders and doing a 360 turn in the middle of the sidewalk before getting inside. The staircase lights are dimmed in, but there is low music coming from upstairs, it´s an old 80´s tune and I smile to myself. Is this the kind of music he likes?

I quickly get up the stairs and open the door to the studio, seeing as Armie turns around immediately. He smiles at me and I stop for a second, admiring him as he stands there with skinny jeans, a black t-shirt and messy hair. God, he is the most gorgeous man in the whole universe.

"Hi," he walks over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and I nearly combust. Oh, how many times have I imagined this exact scenario, his arms around me, his forehead against mine and my hands grabbing onto his shirt.

"I could barely sleep last night and I blame you."

"Me?"

I nod. "Couldn´t stop thinking about when I´d feel your lips against mine again, so I rolled around on the bed for hours, thinking about you, trying to control the urge to text you."

"Maybe you should have texted me."

"Would you help me get some sleep?"

He shrugs. "Or maybe keep you awake for a little longer, but indulging in nicer things than rolling around on the bed."

"And then you say you never tease me"

Armie´s fingers grab my chin and his lips brush against mine. "I said I never teased you, doesn´t mean I won´t do it from now."

"I look forward to it, then."

We kiss, soft and slow, our hands exploring each other's bodies while our legs stumble around until we hit the barre. Armie is leaned against it as I stand on my toes to reach his mouth, both my hands traveling down his waist and to his ass, finally being able to grab on those cheeks, feel their weight on my palms.

"You have no idea how long I´ve been dreaming about this ass of yours."

"Oh really?" His lips are on my jaw, my neck and my shoulder, sucking on every single bit of skin he can find.

"Aham, the amount of times I´ve had wet dreams with you would also be a little alarming."

Armie laughs and looks at me, tucking some curls behind my ear. "I´d love to hear about those dreams, perhaps they have something to do with you lurking on my Instagram too?"

"How the hell do you know about that?"

"You liked a photo a few weeks ago," he has a smirk on his face as I shake my head, cursing at myself for being so reckless. I tried to be so careful. "It was the night we ran into each other at SoHo Room."

"Oh my God."

"What?"

"I drank a bit too much that night and might have made a little mess while staring at your photo."

He chuckles but also turns bright red at the realization of what I am saying. "Were you jerking off to my pictures? Are you serious?"

"Creepy, right?"

"A little bit, yes."

I groan, burying my face on his chest as he laughs and wraps his arms around me. I tug on the hem of his shirt and let out a contentment sigh as I feel his fingers stroke my back. This feels so natural, so perfect.

"But, it can be quite an honor to know you are someone's reason to masturbate."

"You are just trying to make me feel better."

"Yes, yes I am."

I chuckle and look up at him, pecking his lips quickly before looking around. "So, what exactly are we gonna do?"

"Have you eaten yet?"

"A little bit, but it´s been a while."

Armie nods and grabs my hand and turns me around, giving me a backwards hug as we walk towards the center of the room. "I brought some sandwiches and some other stuff, we could eat something and then work on that Pas de Deux."

"In jeans?"

"I brought my tights, but you can do it on your underwear, I don´t mind."

"Oh, I´m sure you would love that very much."

  
  


******

  
  


Everything has gone quiet, our breathing the only faint sound inside the studio as we lie on the floor, my head resting against Armie´s chest while he has an arm around me. My hand is inside his shirt, my fingertips tracing his smooth chest hair and feeling the hardness of his nipples.

This moment is more than I could have ever imagined, to be in such a simple but intimate position with Armie makes me feel happy and accomplished. I had been in love with him for months now, dreaming about the ways he would hold me in his arms and kiss me, fantasizing about his naked body pressed against mine, but this? No, romance was never really something I had in mind.

But now that it was in my mind, it did bring me a series of questions. Questions I knew I needed to make, but was not brave enough to actually say it out loud.

“You´ve gone awfully quiet,” says Armie as he tightens his grip on me, pulling me even closer to his body. “Is everything alright?”

“I was just thinking.”

“About us.”

“About us...if there is an us or if this is something that will be over by the time the weekend ends.”

Armie lifts my chin, making me look at him. He looks serious, but his eyes are soft and full of understanding. “Do you want this to be over by the time the weekend ends?”

“What?” I furrow my eyebrows and sit down quickly, hand cradling Armie´s face as he leans on his elbows. “Of course not. I want to get to know you, Armie, know every single thing you like and dislike. I want to know what makes you this beautiful and talented human being you are. I have been dreaming about something like this for months now, I don't want it to last for only a weekend.”

“I don't want that either, Timothée, but you brought up the subject and…,” he sighs and sits up too, taking one of my hands in his. “I want to get to know you too, okay? I want to see where we can go with this, because I really like you.”

“But?”

There is always a  _ but. _

“But there are things we need to discuss if we want to make this work and be honest with each other. And that's what you were thinking about, wasn't it?”

I nod. “You mentioned the fact I am your student more than once, so there's definitely some fear inside of you. You don't want people to find out about us, do you?”

“I wish it was easy, I wish we could do things like any other couple who's just starting out does, but you are right, there's some fear inside of me.” Armie sighs, biting his lip as he looks down at our hands, his thumb brushing softly against my skin. “I teach teenagers in the afternoon, they are great kids and so far I never really had any problems, but can you imagine how their parents would react if they knew I was going out with a student?”

“I don't want to be the cause of any problems to you, Armie.”

“I know that, and I don't want to bring you into the middle of any drama.”

“So we don't tell anyone about us, that's what you are trying to say. Right?”

He nods, squeezing my hand as I give him a small smile. “I think it's the best we can do for now.”

“That's fine by me. I just got one more question.”

“Sure.”

“What are we?” The moment the words leave my lips I can feel my hands sweating and my mouth go dry. Armie is staring at me, quietly observing my expression change from calm, to uneasy and then a nervous wreck. “I mean, we don't have to be anything, we can just be Timothée and Armie, that's totally okay with me, I really just…”

“Do you always talk too much when you get nervous?” I nod my head and he chuckles, tucking some curls behind my ear as he leans closer to me. “I think it's really cute.”

“Most people would say annoying.”

“I'm not like most people.” I smile at him and he places a soft kiss on my lips. “We are going out, we are starting something. Let's go slow and see where that leads us, okay?”

“Okay.”

He kisses me again, this time pulling me to his lap. I tug on his shirt, feeling his hands slid down to my lower back and the shivers that run down my body are more intense than anything else I have ever felt.

He is talented, sweet, thoughtful, beautiful, sexy and now, all mine.

  
  
  
  



	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their relationship is slowly moving forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You want romance, have some romance....and some smut, because it´s me and I love it.

I lean against the brick wall, slurping on my iced tea as I look around the crowded street, filled with people who are rushing to their jobs, schools and universities. The day is a bit cloudy, there's a breeze and a big chance of raining on the next few hours, which hopefully will only happen once I am secluded at the comfort of my apartment.

I see him coming in the distance, his eyes down to his phone as he types something. His blond hair is falling on his forehead, he is biting on his tongue and he keeps on fixing the strap of his bag, which insists in falling down his shoulder. When he finally looks up and sees me, there is an instant smile on his face and I don't think I have ever felt so good with myself.

“Good morning, Mr. Hammer.”

Armie licks his lips as he unlocks the door. “I think you´ll have to stop saying Mr. Hammer on that voice or we might have some trouble during classes.”

I chuckle and drink the rest of my tea, exaggerating on the sucking noise, which makes him glare at me. “What voice?”

“Don't be a fucking tease, Timothée, we have four hours of class ahead of us and sadly we won't be alone.”

I follow him inside, keeping my voice low and innocent. “I have no idea what you are talking about, Mr. Hammer, I wasn't teasing you, that was a genuine question.”

In a swift movement Armie has me pinned against the wall, his hands pressed hard against my hips, his left leg in between mine´s, applying friction against my groin as his lips find mine in a rough and sloppy kiss.

I moan, my hands grabbing fistfuls of his hair, pulling it softly as he seems about to devour me. This is hands down the most sexy and thrilling moment of my entire life.

“I´ve missed you yesterday,” the words leave my lips slowly as I try to regain my breathing, my eyes stuck on Armie´s swollen pink lips.

“We texted the whole day.”

“Not the same thing.”

He chuckles. “I really couldn't miss that ballet seminar, it's very important for networking. Gotta know as many people as you can.”

“Is this how you got the Juilliard auditions?”

“Exactly.” He pecks my lips and pulls away, standing his hand out for me. “C´mon, let's go upstairs.”

I take his hand and intertwine our fingers as we go up the stairs. He tells me everything about his Sunday in Brooklyn, all the great people he met and old friends he was reunited with. I smile the whole time, gladly hearing every single thing he tells me because that means he trusts me, that means he wants to share things with me.

Once inside the studio I help him with the windows and lights, while he works on the air conditioning and the music. I search through my bag, grab on my shoes and put them on, biting my lip as I turn around to see Armie warming up.

He sees me through the reflection and smirks at me, arching an eyebrow as I lean back on the wall, cross my arms and enjoy the show.

“How about you start your work, Mr. Chalamet?”

“I rather just sit here and watch you, Mr. Hammer.”

“Seriously, stop. You are gonna use that sexy voice in the middle of class and people are gonna freak out.”

“Sexy voice? Well, that's nice to hear… Mr. Hammer.”

Armie walks to me, kneels down in between my legs and grabs my face. I bite my lip, feeling my cock twitch a bit and practically melt into his touch. God, I love when he is sweet, but I also fucking love when he is rough.

“Don't tease me, boy.”

I simply smile and lean in for a kiss, which I gotta cut short as I hear footsteps on the hallway. Armie gets up quickly, makes his way over to his bag on the other side of the room and I just sit there, pretending to be stretching out my legs as Paul and Steve walk in, waving at me.

I have a feeling classes are gonna be a lot more fun from now on.

  
  


******

  
  


My right foot is  _ en pointe _ while my left slides in a semicircle, my chest is projected forward and my arms in fourth position. I transition to an Arabesque, my left leg now extended behind my body in a straight line, then move to an Attitude, bending the leg on the knee in a 90 degrees angle. The song continues and I move my arms to first position, spinning around in a sequence of Pirouettes. I then stand  _ en pointe _ , stomping to my right as my arms transition from fourth to first position repeatedly.

I look at us in the mirror, twelve guys moving in almost perfect synchrony, creating a motion that almost looks like a wave. I chuckle to myself at the thought and go on with the routine, watching from the corner of my eyes as Armie moves around the class. He stops by Paul and his hands instantly go to his hips, pressing on it as he says something to him. Paul says something back and Armie nods, they stay in that position for a little bit longer, talking quietly and I bite on my lip.

Armie has always done this, has always touched the guys while helping them get into position and yet now I can feel a little tingle of jealousy creep on me. I know it´s stupid, I know it won´t take me anywhere, but it´s something I can´t really help. Armie and I are together now and I wish his touch would be restricted only to me.

I keep staring at them from the corner of my eyes until Armie moves along the line again. He stops by Ansel and watches him for a second before nodding and moving over to me, he holds onto my waist and I bite hard on my lip, the touch taking me back to Saturday, to the hours we spent in this very own studio, his lips on mine, his hands exploring my body. Armie moves my arm to the right position and his eyes find mine through the reflection, a smirk on his lips as if he knows I was trying to get his attention.

"Behave, Timothée."

His words come in a barely audible whisper, a whisper only I am able to distinguish and I smile, my tongue tracing my bottom lip as his grip on my arm tightens. My body jerks at the pressure he applies there and I look at him from the corner of my eyes, he is serious and calm, as if nothing was going on.

"Okay, we are moving to the end. Remember, a series of Pirouettes followed by a Grande Jeté and finishing it with a Tour en L´air."

Armie walks away from me as we all move to the last bit of the choreography, a beautiful image being projected in the mirror as we all gracefully move our bodies. The song ends and we stop, heavy breathing all around as we move around the room, some heading to the locker room, some going straight to their bags and out.

I lazily make my way over to the corner where my bag is lying and throw myself on the ground, removing my shoes and massaging my feet for a few seconds. Ansel is standing right beside me, he puts on his shirt and combs his hair with his fingers. He turns around, looks at himself in the mirror and fixes his shirt as I chuckle, shaking my head.

"What?"

"Going somewhere fancy?"

"No, but I´m gonna go meet Olivia at this new restaurant on Crosby street. She has been talking about it the entire weekend, I guess she read some reviews for it and saw some photos, so now she´s desperate to go there."

"The new Thai place?"

"Exactly, do you wanna come with us?"

His question lingers in the air as I let my eyes wonder to Armie, who´s standing close to the window, a serious look on his face as he listens to Paul. I furrow my eyebrows, trying to figure what the hell they could be talking about and wondering why the fuck Paul has to be so close to him. I feel a hand on the back of my head and groan, looking up at Ansel, who is leaned against the barre.

"What was that for?"

He kneels down beside me. "Is this how you pretend not to like the guy? Because you´re sending Paul the biggest death glare you could master."

"No, I was not."

"I´ll take a picture next time." I roll my eyes and get up, stuffing my shoes inside my bag. "So, do you want to join us or not?"

I take a quick look at Armie, who´s still talking with Paul, but glances at me for a brief second. I give him a small smile, one that only lingers in the corner of my lips and then turn to Ansel, nodding my head as I do so. "Sure, let´s go."

"Great."

He picks his bag and we head out of the studio, my eyes wandering to Armie once more before I lose him from my sight. I grab my phone, check on some messages I have and then search for Armie´s name, typing a quick text to him while going down the stairs.

 

**_Timothée: [12:10 p.m]_ ** _ Going to lunch with Ansel and his gf _

_                                     But Im wishing I could have lunch w/ u _

_                                    I will miss you _

_                                   See you tonight _

 

"What´s with the smile?" 

"Huh?" I arch an eyebrow as I look up at Ansel.

"What´s with the smile? You seem strangely calm and relaxed today, which is quite a different attitude from the guy I talked to on Friday afternoon. Actually, to be quite honest, ever since I called you on Friday night you sound different."

"I guess I just stopped worrying about me and A...me and Mr. Hammer. I want classes to go on as well as possible and although I kept complaining about him, my attitude wasn´t helping either."

"Well, that makes sense...still don´t get the whole face eating smile, but okay."

"Are you annoyed because I am happy?"

He shakes his head, chuckling as he turns to me. "No, I´m curious on why you are happy."

"I´m just happy."

  
  


******

  
  


I run up the stairs to the studio, a bright smile on my face as I count the seconds to see Armie again. The moment I step inside the studio I see him leaned against the window, watching the city below him and I bite on my lip. I can feel my whole body light up at the sight of him and my heart beat faster, just looking at him makes my day -and night- feel better.

I walk over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and place a few soft kisses on his neck, smirking as I hear a low moan escape his lips. Armie turns around, his large hands holding tight onto my waist, pressing our bodies together. He leans down to kiss me, teasing me as he rubs his nose against mine and then runs the tip of his tongue across my lips. I get a fistful of his shirt, trying to steady myself when his lips find mine and he kisses me, slow and sensually, his tongue exploring my mouth.

Armie´s fingers find my hair and he tugs on it, which makes me moan loud, my hand slowly sliding down his stomach and to his crotch, cupping him through the fabric of his tights. He bites my bottom lip and leans against my touch, encouraging me to go on and I gladly do so, feeling every single inch of his cock against my palm and dreaming of the day I will actually see it.

When we pull away, flushed and gasping for air, Armie leans his forehead against mine, his blue eyes intensively looking at me. "You are gonna be the death of me, Timothée."

"Right back at ya, Mr. Hammer."

Armie smirks and removes my hand from his cock, placing a soft kiss on my lips. "We should get ready for class."

"Or we could keep on going."

"Timothée, just because we are together doesn´t mean I will cut you any slack. Get on your shoes and start warming up, because we have a lot to do."

"Okay, then when do we have some fun?"

Armie chuckles and lets his arms wrap around me once again, bringing my body closer to his. "I promise you we will have enough time to enjoy ourselves, but can we focus on the class first?"

"You promise me?"

He kisses me again, his sweet taste almost intoxicating. "I promise you, now go get your shoes."

"Okay, I´ll go." I roll my eyes in annoyance and turn around, only to feel Armie´s hand against my ass, slapping me playfully. I gasp and look at him over my shoulder, watching as he smirks, crossing his arms against his chest. "Is this how you plan to get me to focus in class?"

"Anything to get you going, boy."

I smirk and turn to face him, walking backwards. "You´ll get me going, but not in the way you want to."

"Just start warming up, Timothée, please."

I can´t help but laugh, my eyes never leaving his. "I can destabilize you, can´t I?"

"More than you can imagine and I am sure you´re loving it."

"I am, I really am."

  
  


*******

  
  


Armie´s hands are on my waist as we move to the side, his grip steadying, my feet moving from resting position to  _ en pointe _ . My chest is projected forward, my eyes focused on our reflection and my arms on third position. His fingers tap on my left side and I do a turn out, before raising my leg until my foot is leveled with my right knee. I see him smile and his grip tighten around me before he lifts me up and spins me around.

I know it sounds silly and very cliche, but the image seems straight out of one of these musicals or rom-coms and I can barely contain myself. Armie puts me down slowly and once my feet touch the ground his arms wrap around my waist, his lips leaving a wet kiss on my neck before he looks at me through the reflection.

"You did a great job today."

I bite on my lip, trying to contain myself from smiling like a fucking idiot. I look to my side, my hand resting on his cheek and rubbing it softly. "Because of you."

"No, because you are focused and working hard."

"And you are helping me."

Armie turns me around, his hands cradle my face and I lean against his touch. "You are getting better because you want to get better, Timothée." He kisses me and I wrap my arms around his neck, getting  _ en pointe _ so I can reach him. His hands slid down to my waist and wraps around me, pulling me up and allowing me to wrap my legs around his hips.

The kiss slowly turns a bit more intense and I pull on his shirt, trying to get it off of him as he chuckles. Armie leans me against the mirror, his crotch pressed against mine as he quickly pulls his shirt off of him and attaches his lips on mine once again. I ran my hands down his bare chest, feeling him shiver at my touch, which only makes me kiss him harder.

Armie´s hands slide down to my ass, holds onto it and I tremble from head to toe. He kisses down my jaw to my neck, where he sucks on it, surely leaving a mark. I tilt my head back and close my eyes, through my parted lips melodic moans escape me and my breathing gets hasty, my cock twitching inside my tights and aching for some attention.

"Fuck, Armie, I need you."

He lets go of my ass and I let my legs down, my hands holding onto his biceps. Armie leans his forehead against mine, his eyes stuck on mine as his hands slid down my body and inside my tights. I gasp, my knees shaking as I feel his hand wrap around my hard cock, stroking it painfully slowly. My lips quiver, my nails dig into his skin and thrust into his hand, hearing his heavy breathing mix with my moans of pleasure.

For so long have I dreamt of feeling him touching me this way and now it is all real. His hand is warm, his grip is tight and when he starts sucking on my neck, I nearly fall to the ground in pure bliss.

"Please, don´t stop."

"Not until you cum." He nibbles on my ear and quicks his pace, working on my cock in a way only a very skilled man would do so. I feel my stomach clench, my cock throb and my balls tighten; I lean my forehead against Armie´s shoulders, taking deep breaths as I get closer to an orgasm.

Armie´s fingers brush against the sensitive head and I moan loud, my nails almost cutting his skin. He lifts my head, runs his finger through my lips and then pulls some of my hair behind.

"Look at me, Timothée."

I keep my eyes closed, savoring every single second of what is probably the best hand job I ever received in my life.

"Look at me, Timothée, I want you to look me in the eye as I do this."

I blink a couple of times, trying to focus on him although I am so caught up on a haze of pleasure I can barely see anything.

"You look so beautiful right now," his voice is low and hoarse, his breathing is heavy and I can already feel an incredible amount of precum leave me. "I can´t wait for you to cum, I can wait to see the look in your eyes as you coat my fingers with your cum, Timothée."

"F-fuck."

"You are coming, aren´t you? I can feel your cock throbbing on my hand, it´s okay, just let it go."

"A-Armie."

"Fuck, Timothée, cum for me."

I throw my head back and loudly moan his name, my cock throbbing madly as cum spurts out of it and coats Armie´s hands. I feel his arm wrap around me as I fall into his body, completely spend after an hour and a half of class and the most amazing orgasm I have experienced this far in my life. He kisses my neck, his hand still lazily stroking me as I try to get my breathing back to normal.

"This...this was more than I could expect."

"In a good way, I hope."

I chuckle and look up at him. "Did you see just how much I came, Armie?"

He kisses me quickly and tucks a few curls behind my ear while I let out a sigh, a lazy smile on my lips. "If classes are gonna be this good from now on, I think we could move to two hours every night."

"You wish."

"I do."

  
  
  



	19. Chapter 19

There's music playing in the bookstore today, Sarah finally convinced Mr. Johnson to allow us to play something during the day, nothing too loud or aggressive, things that could easily entertain our customers and make their stay a bit more cozy. For the past hour Lorde´s voice is what fills my ears, which makes the work seem even more fun than it usually is. 

I stack the shelves with the new books we got while humming the song, my head bobbing as I move around, my feet tapping the wooden floor when I lean back to take a look at the shelves. I smile proudly at myself and my work and turn around, only to find Sarah leaned against the counter, chin resting on her hands, eyes stuck on me and eyebrows furrowed.

I look around confused and arch an eyebrow, crossing my arms as she keeps herself quiet. I start feeling a little bit uncomfortable with her deep staring and turn back around, grabbing some books from the box on the floor and placing them down on the nearest table, fixing the price tags and putting the newest ones in better view.

“Okay, what the fuck is wrong with you and why you keep staring at me?”

“You look happy.”

“Thanks?”

“It's just weird because until Friday you were moping around because of your hot teacher and now you´re all vibrant, you´re giggling and you can´t stop looking at that goddamn phone.” She stares at me some more, biting on her lip before a huge grin comes to her face and I fear for the worst. “Who you fucking?”

“What?” My voice comes out a little more high pitched than I wanted to and I can see Sarah´s face turn into a mischievous one. “Where that came from?”

“Oh please, it's right in your face, Timothée. I don't know what you did over the weekend, but you got laid and that's why you are beaming right now.”

“Seriously, I have no idea what you are talking about, Sarah, my sex life is quite dull right now.” I almost feel bad saying this when less than twenty four hours ago I was leaned against the studio mirror, moaning desperately as Armie gave me the best hand-job of my life.

“You do know you are not a very good liar, right?”

“Hey!”

“I can see in your face, your whole attitude changed and I can´t think of any other reason for that other than sex.”

I sigh and walk over to her, leaning against the counter and taking her hand in mine. “Believe me, Sarah, it's been so long that if I did get into someone´s pants, I´d be telling everyone about it.”

She shakes her head and holds onto my chin, bringing me incredibly closer to her. “You are keeping something from me, Chalamet.”

Before I can answer we hear the door open and I step back, gesturing for her to go talk to the customer while I get back to the pile of books I was taking care of. I look over my shoulder, watch as she busies herself showing books to a cute young woman and take my phone out, typing a text to Armie.

 

**_Timothée: [3:00 p.m.]_ ** _ Risking being called clingy… _

_                                   Can I see you tonight? _

**_Mr. Hammer: [3:04 p.m.]_** _I can take clingy ;)_

_                                         Wanna stop by the studio? _

_                                        Classes end at 4:30 _

**_Timothée: [3:06 p.m.]_ ** _ I leave the bookstore at 5 _

_                                   I can get there in 5 minutes _

**_Mr. Hammer: [3:08 p.m]_ ** _ I will be waiting _

_                                         Sweaty, tired and shirtless ;) _

**_Timothée: [3:09 p.m]_ ** _ I wouldnt mind if you were pantless too _

_                                   Just fyi _

**_Mr. Hammer: [3:11 p.m.]_ ** _ I will think about it _

 

I chuckle to myself and bite on my lip, just the thought of Armie waiting for me in the studio completely naked and still sweaty from his previous class makes my body tingle and my cock come to life.

 

**_Timothée: [3:13 p.m.]_ ** _ Gotta go now _

_                                   But will keep the image of you naked and sweaty on my head _

_                                   See you later _

**_Mr. Hammer: [3:15 p.m]_ ** _ If you turn out to be a good boy I could send you a visual ;) _

_                                       See you :) _

 

I stare at the message with wide eyes, my mouth suddenly going dry as I read over and over again, trying to make sure I read it correctly. Mr. Hammer wants to send me nudes? Well, not really something I expected him to say so soon, but definitely not something I would be mad about. 

Not mad at all, to be honest.

“Hey, Timothée!”

I turn around, just now realizing there's at least two more people on the store and bite on my lip. I watch as Sarah walks over to me with a little piece of paper on her hand and try to push back the thought of a naked Armie from my head. 

“That lady ordered a book and she´s here to collect it, can you take care of this while I go check on what the other customers want?”

“Sure, I´ll do it.”

  
  


******

  
  


I lean against the threshold, a smile on my face as I stare at Armie. He is sitting down underneath the window, back against the wall and eyes concentrated on the book he has in hand. Rays of sunshine come through the window and there's Beethoven playing very low, the combination brings an almost ethereal vibe to the place. In this case, he is the angel; the beautiful, gracious and yet strong angel.

I watch as Armie stretches out his legs and crosses over the ankles, his fingers flipping through the pages before he combs his hair, pushing some of the rebellious golden strands back. It takes him a while to realize I am there, but when he finally looks up and sees me, a wide smile comes to his face and he instantly closes the book, placing it beside him.

“Good afternoon.”

“Good afternoon, Mr. Hammer.”

I wink at him and watch as he shakes his head, which makes me chuckle. I walk over, taking a sit beside him on the floor, our legs and arms touching. I ran a hand through his golden hair, letting out a sigh as I feel the soft touch against my fingers. I don't think I will ever get over how much I actually love this man and every single thing about him.

Armie leans down and places a kiss on my lips. It's sweet and tender, slow and passionate. The softness of his lips against mine reminds me of cotton-candy, his taste is like the most precious honey in the world, in a matter of seconds I can feel every single inch of my skin burn and my heart beat faster. I don't think a kiss has ever felt so perfect.

“What's in the bags?”

I smile and reach for the bags, placing it between us as he wraps an arm around my shoulders. “I stopped by this little delicatessen close to the bookstore and bought us some food. The thing is, I don't really know much about you yet, so I had to decide everything on my own. I just hope you are not vegetarian.”

Armie chuckles, reaching for the bags so he can take a quick look at it. “I love meat way too much to ever consider the idea of being a vegetarian. C´mon, tell me what are the options here.”

“There's Tuna and Pastrami sandwiches, chips, Iced Tea with lemon and Pink Lemonade. What does Mr. Hammer fancy?”

He bites his lip, pretending to be deep in thought before he reaches for the Pastrami sandwich and the Iced Tea. I nod and handle him a straw before opening the bag of chips, placing some on top of a napkin to make things easier for us. I reach for my own sandwich and take a few bites of it, savouring the taste of it, happy to finally be eating.

Armie stares at me with a smile on his face and I arch an eyebrow. He leans closer and lets his finger trace the corner of my lips, taking some mayo and then sucking on his finger. I lick my own lips and swallow hard, my eyes focused as his finger slowly leaves his mouth with a little popping sound. For fuck´s sake, this man is gonna be the death of me.

“Eat your food and stop teasing me, Mr. Hammer.”

He smiles and leans close, this time letting his lips rest on mine for a couple of seconds. When I try to deepen the kiss, Armie pulls away and I shake my head, watching as he stuff his mouth with sandwich.

“You are so damn mean.”

“Sorry, but you look so cute when you are staring at me like this, unsure of what to do or say.”

I can feel myself blushing and he chuckles. I punch his shoulder and roll my eyes, taking a few sips of my Lemonade while I lean against Armie once again, resting my head on his shoulder.

“So, when did you realize you wanted to be a ballet dancer?”

“I was around ten, I think. I tried soccer, football, basketball, but I didn't really like any of it. So one day I went to this event with my mom, there was a small ballet presentation and I was mesmerized by it. I seriously couldn't stop talking about it, so after a while my mom tried to find a place where I could take classes and...well, it was truly the best thing I ever did in my life.”

“Did your parents accept it easily?”

“Yes, both my parents never really had a problem with me dancing or anything else regarding my life. They always allowed me to make my own decisions, be who I wanted to be and learn with my mistakes.”

I nod and take a few chips into my mouth, chewing on it as I think about another question. “Okay, I need to know exactly how old you are.”

“How old do you think I am?”

“Thirty?”

“Thirty-two, actually, but I'm flattered.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Okay, let me see…”

“Am I gonna be allowed to ask questions?”

“Of course you are. What do you wanna know?”

Armie keeps himself quiet and I sit up straight, watching as he bites on his tongue, clearly on deep thought. He turns to me, his lips curving in a small smile as he rests his hand on my cheek and I lean into his touch.

“Actually, never mind.”

“What? Why?”

“I think I rather find out what I need day by day.”

Those words hit me hard, the idea of him wanting to stick around enough to get to know everything about me is more than I could have ever expected from him. For a moment is like time stands still, nothing else matters but those words, which keep echoing in my head. I lean closer to Armie, my thumb rubbing on his cheeks and I place a soft kiss on his lips, smiling as he rests a hand on my back, keeping my body close to his.

  
  


*******

  
  


It's been a few hours since the sun has set and yet we´re still in the studio, the night breeze coming through the window, the moonlight creating interesting patterns on the floor and the walls. Armie is sitting on the same spot he was when I got here, the only difference this time is that I am lying on the ground, my head resting on his thigh as he strokes my hair.

I got my eyes closed, my breathing is calm and I have the biggest smile someone can imagine in my face. These little moments of intimacy I am experiencing with Armie are so organic, so natural it almost seems like we have both been waiting for this moment our entire lives. And maybe we were, maybe being together was always something meant to happen.

I feel one of his fingers trace down my forehead, my nose and rest on my lips, running back and forth, making me smile even more. I open my mouth and take his finger inside, sucking on it as I hear his breathing get a little harder. When I open my eyes I can see a smirk on his face, his blue eyes are stuck on me and if I wasn't already lying down, sure my knees would give in.

We stare at each other in silence, his finger still in my mouth, his hand still stroking my hair. I raise my hand to his face, tracing his jaw with the tip of my finger as if I want every single inch of me to recognize every single inch of him. I want to recognize his touch no matter where we are, I want to close my eyes late at night and remember every hair on his body, every tic he has and every birthmark.

“The way you look at me kind of scares me.”

I arch an eyebrow, playing with the hem of his shirt. “It scares you? Why?”

“It's like you created an image of me that I might not be able to live up to, which will eventually leave you disappointed and that scares me.”

“I have fantasized about you, that's true, but I imagined things because I honestly knew nothing about you besides the fact you are a ballet teacher. Now I am starting to know the real you and I like what I see, even more than what I imagined you to be like.”

“I am glad to hear, but I still hope you won't find yourself disappointed in the end.”

“I never imagined you to be perfect, Armie, if that's what you are thinking. I fantasized about you, but I was always careful enough not to put you on a pedestal. Besides, that was my take on Mr. Hammer not Armie Hammer.”

“Oh, I'm two different people now?”

I shrug. “Let's say the ballet version of you is a character you created, it's still you, but not who you truly are. Does that make any sense to you?”

He chuckles, leaning down to place a kiss on my forehead. “It does, actually.”

“Good.” There's a minute of silence before I sit up, hands now resting on Armie´s thighs. “That makes me wonder, did you actually planned to create this whole Mr. Hammer facade or it just happened?”

“It is not a facade, when it comes to my work and training I am a very serious person. I like to think of myself as a fun person to be around, I like to go out with my friends, have some drinks and even get shitfaced from time to time, but ballet is my life, it's what I always loved and I take it very seriously.”

“I know that...everyone does, actually.”

“I am a strict teacher because I know there needs to be hard work to achieve anything, so I rather come out as the annoying guy who never gives his students a break, but sees them achieve something great in life. Like you will do.”

“Do you really have that much faith in me?”

“Why are you even asking me this?”

I shrug my shoulders and chew on my lip, my hand rubbing up and down his leg. “Do you really believe in my talent or there's a chance you are saying this because you like me?”

“My feelings for you have absolutely nothing to do with this, Timothée. I could see from day one that you have a rare kind of talent, that you could do great things if you set your mind to. You definitely have a spot waiting for you in Juilliard.”

“Please, don't say that.”

Armie smiles, kisses me softly and tucks a curl behind my ear. “I am only speaking the truth here, Timothée, you will definitely get a spot.”

I try to control myself, not get too hyped up, but the fact he trusts me enough to say those things make me feel so good. I kiss him once more, letting our lips linger together for a little longer before pulling away.

“I better get going.”

“Want me to walk you home?”

“People could see us.”

“We are allowed to run into each other in the street, Timothée.”

I chuckle and nod my head. “In this case, yes, I´d love to.”

  
  


********

 

The streets are fairly quiet compared to how busy they normally are at this hour, many stores are already closed, most bars are still quiet and the weather is hot but cloudy and windy. Armie and I walk side by side, but always keeping a reasonable distance between us in case anyone would see us.

The walk from the studio to my building isn´t very long, just a couple of blocks, but we do it slowly, savouring the moments we have alone. He laughs at my silly jokes, listens carefully as I talk about my friendship with Ansel, how I started doing ballet and how my parents always encouraged me and my sister to appreciate all kinds of art.

“They sound like really cool people.”

“They are. Since my dad retired they have been traveling a lot, so we don't get to spend much time together, but when we do is always great.”

“You still live with them?”

I shake my head, getting a bit closer to him and wishing I could reach out and hold his hand, intertwine his fingers with mine. “No, I moved when I went to college, I wanted the full experience of being on my own.”

“At what time of the day do you go to college?”

“Don't you know my days have twenty-eight hours, Mr. Hammer?” I laugh, shaking my head while I point over to the left, making sure he knows where we are going. “I don't go anymore. I started out, very enthusiastic to be honest, but slowly realized it wasn't exactly what I wanted, so I decided to focus solely on ballet.”

“What was your major?”

“History.”

He looks down at me, a smirk on his face as I arch an eyebrow. “Not what I expected.”

I open my mouth to say something when I feel the first drops of rain fall on me. I look up, watching as the rain quickly gets more intense and instantly grab onto Armie´s wrist, pulling him with me as I run the last blocks to my apartment. 

I only stop when we're safe under the awning of the building. I shake my head, trying to get rid of the excess of water in my hair as Armie pushes his hair back, drops of water running down his neck.I bite on my lip, leaning against the brick wall and watch him for a second, his body glistening.

Armie looks at me, deep blue eyes piercing through my soul and I can feel my breathing getting a little hasty. He looks around before stepping closer to me, a hand sliding to my waist as he presses his body against mine.

“We are in the middle of the street.”

“I know,” his voice is a whisper before he closes the gap between us. Our lips move together, a famished desire as our hands wander through each other´s body and my heart pounds inside my chest. He only pulls away when we are both breathless, our faces flushed and our lips swollen. Armie keeps his hands on my hips, keeping me close as he leans his forehead against mine. “I should go now.”

“Or maybe you could get inside.”

“I know myself, if I go upstairs with you there's no way I will be on time tomorrow morning. So go inside, take a warm bath and have a good night of sleep.”

“Are you sure you don't want to come in?”

“I am sure.”

“But…”

“Friday.”

I arch an eyebrow, my hands tugging on his shirt. “What's on Friday?”

“If you want we can have dinner at my apartment, just the two of us, no one to bother, no need to wake up early on Saturday.”

I nod, my lips quivering, my hands sweating and my whole body catching on fire at the promise his words bring. 

“Let's call it a date night.”

  
  



	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée gets a bit jealous and finds himself having trouble keeping his relationship with Armie away from Ansel.

I can hear the cars in the distance and see the city lights flickering through the closed curtains as I lie in bed, sheets kicked to the ground, a pillow in between my legs and my eyes stuck on the window. Armie´s voice is still echoing inside of me, the way he looked at me while talking about Friday, the way he proposed the whole thing. A  _ date,  _ we were going to have a fucking date night and I didn't even know how to process that information.

I needed to talk to someone, I needed to let it out all of the expectations and excitement I had inside of me. I reach for my phone on the nightstand, unlock it and look through my contact list, my finger hovering over Ansel´s name for a good minute before I lock the phone once again. Armie´s job is in line here, if anyone finds out about us, if any of the parents of the teenagers he teaches finds out about us, it could lead to him losing many students and that's something I´d never want it to happen.

I unlock the phone once again, click on Ansel´s name and start typing something out, deleting it all right after it. I'm nearly losing my mind right now, so I toss the phone on the bed and get up quickly, heading over to the kitchen and getting a glass of water, drinking it all in one go. I let out a sigh and head over to the balcony, taking a sit on the chair and leaning my feet on the table.

I never thought only the idea of an actual date with Armie -and on his freaking apartment- would leave me so damn nervous.

  
  


******

  
  


“...and now a final Assemblé.”

Armie´s voice comes loud over the music, his sharp eyes focused on us as I lift off the floor on one leg and land on two, my legs assembling at the same time and returning to fifth position just as the song comes to an end.

“And this is all for today, guys. Great job everyone, you can all get some rest now. Remember class starts at 9 a.m. tomorrow instead of 8 a.m.”

We all nod and in a matter of seconds everyone rushes to their bags, gathering their things and leaving the studio as quick as possible. I make my way to the small locker room and wash my face, trying to get rid of some of the sweat and stalling as much as I can.

When I finally leave, Ansel and Paul -who is again talking to Armie- are the only ones there. I grab my bag, pull out my t-shirt and put it on over the tank top before getting down to the floor, taking off my ballet shoes and lazily stuffing them into my bag.

“You have time for lunch today?”

I shake my head. “No, I gotta make a quick stop at the bank before I head to the bookstore, so I brought myself a sandwich and I´ll just eat there.”

Ansel nods, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “In this case I'm heading off. Why don't you stop by at my place later tonight, Olivia is planning on cooking some pasta and you know she always ends up doing too much.”

I chuckle and nod my head. “Sure, I´ll be there, but can only make it after...you know what.”

Ansel takes a quick look at Paul and Armie, who keep on talking near the window and then turns back to me, nodding his head. “I´ll let her know, we'll wait for you.”

“Thanks, man.”

“See you tonight.” 

I give Ansel a quick nod and watch as he walks away from me, exiting the studio. I turn back to my bag and take a long look through it, letting out a sigh as I wait for Paul to leave once for all. When he finally says goodbye, I give him a small -and quite fake- smile and get up, turning to face Armie, who´s already making his way over.

“I didn't know you and Paul had so much to talk to with each other.”

“What?” He arches an eyebrow, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him. I rest my hands on his biceps and shrug my shoulders, watching his expression change from confusion to amusement. “Are you jealous?”

“What? Why would I be jealous?”

“I don't know, but you are.”

“I'm not jealous, don't be stupid.”

Armie chuckles and pecks my lips, his hands sliding up to my face, cradling it as he rubs my cheeks. “Paul is having some trouble and might not be able to attend classes as regularly as he does, that's why we were talking, nothing for you to worry about.”

“I was not worried, I was just…”

“Jealous.” I roll my eyes and bite on my lip, crossing my arms as he laughs. “You look cute when you are jealous, but you do know there's absolutely no reason for that, right? I like you and only you.”

“Sorry, I really didn't mean to sound stupid or jealous. I mean, we barely started this and I am already making myself look like a damn fool.”

“No, you are not.” He kisses me once more and this time I hold onto his shoulders, deepening the kiss for a moment. “I said I wanted to know every single thing about you as the days went by and this little things, this is what makes you you.”

I chuckle and peck his lips, his large hands sliding inside my t-shirt. “I never really had the chance to say, mainly because I was too excited to do so, but I am looking forward to Friday.”

“So am I, Timothée.”

“You know you can call me Tim or Timmy, right? Timothée sounds so serious.”

He nods, burying his face on my neck and leaving little kisses until he reaches my ear, nibbling on it. “That's nice, but I really like your name and the way it sounds when it leaves my mouth.”

A shiver runs down my spine and my nails dig into his skin. He presses our bodies closer together and whispers my name on my ear over and over again, every single hair on my body standing up and my knees giving in. I grab his face and make him turn to me, his blue eyes are glazed over, his face slightly flushed and it takes only a couple of seconds for him to close the gap in between us and attach his lips on mine, kissing me hungrily.

  
  


*******

  
  


Washington Square Park is filled with people as I run down the walking path, the sweat dripping down my forehead and my breathing a little heavier. It's a hot Thursday night, there's no breeze and most people have decided to stay on the park, sit around the fountain and enjoy the rest of their nights.

I would much rather spend my night with Armie at the studio, his arms wrapped around me and my fingers knotted on his hair, but since he had already planned a dinner with a friend, we couldn't see each other again after this morning´s class. The thought kind of saddened me, I was quickly getting used to seeing him every day and night now, but whenever I remembered that in about twenty four hours I would be alone with him at his apartment, none of that really mattered.

A part of me was still nervous, too eager to make sure everything went down perfectly on this date. I had been daydreaming about this for far too long, now that I was so close to making it a reality I didn't want anything to go wrong. I had spent an awful lot of time staring at my closet already, trying -effortlessly- to decide which kind of outfit would be the best for the occasion. I had sat down in bed for a long period of the afternoon wondering what Armie could have planned and on whether I should or not ask him about it. But mainly, I thought about how much I wanted to share this excitement with someone.

I stop by a popcorn stand and by myself some water, taking a seat in the nearest bench and fishing for my phone in my pocket. I unlock it and smile as I see a message from Armie, he had just left to go see his friend and wanted to let me know it would probably take some time before he could text me again. His thoughtfulness constantly surprised me, but also helped me see just how sweet of a man he really is.

 

**_Timothée: [6:30 p.m.]_ ** _ Hope you have fun with your friend _

_                                    Although I am slightly jealous that you chose him over me _

**_Mr. Hammer: [ 6:33 p.m.]_ ** _ I thought you didnt get jealous? _

**_Timothée: [ 6:35 p.m.]_ ** _ Maybe I get a little bit _

_                                     Dont like sharing my boyfriend with others _

**_Mr. Hammer: [6:36 p.m.]_ ** _ Boyfriend? _

**_Timothée: [6:40 p.m.]_ ** _ Fuck _

_                                    I didnt mean to make it sound so serious _

_                                    Sorry…. _

_                                    Seriously...sorry _

**_Mr. Hammer: [6:42 p.m.]_ ** _ I never said I didn't like it ;) _

 

I let out a sigh as I see his message, feeling a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Although I would love to call him my boyfriend, I am aware we are just now starting out this relationship and it seems too rushed to label things this way...even for me.

 

**_Timothée: [6:44 p.m.]_ ** _ Glad to hear...read that _

**_Mr. Hammer: [6:48 p.m.]_ ** _ I just got to the bar _

_                                       I gotta go now _

_                                       Will text you later _

**_Timothée: [6:51 p.m.]_ ** _ You have a class to teach tomorrow morning, Mr. Hammer _

_                                   Behave yourself! _

**_Mr. Hammer: [6:51 p.m.]_ ** _ Is this Timothée the student or Timothée the boyfriend speaking? _

 

I bite on my lip, leaning back on the bench as I try to control the giggles that so badly want to burst out of me. I really don't want to make a scene in the middle of a crowded park.

 

**_Timothée: [6:53 p.m.]_ ** _ Maybe both… _

_                                  Have fun tonight _

_                                 Cant wait for tomorrow ;) _

  
  


_ ******** _

 

“Thank you,” I say quietly as the waiter places our plates down. I take a quick look at me steak and caprese pasta salad and smile, feeling my stomach growl in anticipation.

“The waiter is really into you.” I look up and arch an eyebrow, watching as Ansel chuckles and points over to the kitchen´s direction. “You didn't even notice, did you? He couldn't stop smiling at you the  whole time.”

I shrug my shoulder and focus my attention back to my food, stuffing my mouth with salad as Ansel keeps looking at me. His stare is kind of unraveling and it makes me feel uncomfortable because I know he knows I am hiding something from him. I want to tell, I want to share the excitement I am feeling, but the fear of jeopardizing Armie´s career always takes over.

_ He is your best friend, he would never fuck up with you. _

“Maybe you should try and go out with someone. It could help you get over Mr. Hammer, that's if you want to get over him, of course.” I shrug, trying to keep myself quiet, which only encourages Ansel to go on. “You haven't really talked much about him or your situation lately, how are classes going?”

“Classes are going good, Mr. Hammer and I were…” I sigh and push my plate to the side, leaning my arms on the table as Ansel furrows his eyebrows, clearly confused and worried. “Look, I have been keeping something from you and I am sorry about it, it's kind of a delicate subject and I need to talk to you about it, but I also need you to promise me you will keep it a secret.”

“You know me well enough to know I don't go around spreading gossip, Tim.”

I nod. “Yeah, I know that.”

“Then what is it? What could be such a delicate subject that you thought you had to keep it from me?”

“Mr. Hammer and…” I sigh again, fidgeting with my fingers as I take a deep breath. “Armie and I are together.”

I can see a thousand of emotions and expressions go through Ansel´s face before he shakes his head and leans closer to me. “Are you trying to tell me you and Mr. Hammer are actually a couple?”

“That's exactly it.”

“What the...when did this happen?”

“Last Friday.”

“And you waited the whole week to tell me?”

“I shouldn't even be telling you about this, Ansel”

“And why not?”

“Because we need to keep things privately, we don't to draw any kind of attention towards the both of us. Armie is my teacher and some people might not understand the situation.”

“I gotta say I am a bit surprised.”

“What? You were the one who said he had feelings for me.”

“Yeah and I was clearly right, but I didn't expect anything to actually happen between the two of you, specially after the whole mess that kiss was.”

I shake my head and let out a chuckle. “It was a mess because neither one of us actually knew how to approach the situation in a healthy way, we closed off in fear of what could happen if we told each other the truth.”

“I can´t believe you and Mr. Hammer are actually a couple.” I smile and nod my head. “Now tell me, if this was supposed to be private, why did you decide to tell me?”

“Because you are my best friend and because I am going to his apartment tonight and, well I really needed to talk to someone about it.”

“Why?”

“Because I am nervous and excited and…” I take a few sips of my drink. “Honestly, I am freaking out a little bit, I can´t stop thinking about how it will be to see him in another environment, at his own place, to know a little bit more about his world.”

“Like this will be the actual transition from Mr. Hammer to Armie?”

“Exactly.”

Ansel shrugs, leaning his elbows on the table. “I think it's totally normal to feel this nervous, Tim. You´ve been in love with this man for months now, you´ve been waiting for this to happen for a while and now it's finally here, of course you´re excited and anxious about it.”

“He said he was worried about me getting disappointed as I figured out more about who he was, but now I am the one scared. What if in the end this turns out to be a disaster?”

“At least you´ll have tried.”

“Ansel…”

“You either try and fail or not try at all and regret it in the future. Stop worrying about what's gonna come next, live the moment and enjoy what you two got right now.”

I nod and take another sip of my drink, feeling a lot better with myself now that I have actually said what I was feeling to someone.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not answering the comments, but things have been a bit...weird with me and I got a lot to do at home, but I´ve read all of them and they all make me smile like an idiot, believe me. I love you guys.


	21. Chapter 21

French music fills the air as I stand in front of the mirror, my body completely naked and my eyes roaming through every bit of skin. I took a long and relaxing bath, trying my best to let go of my nervousness and my anticipation, trying to tell myself that this is what I´ve been dreaming of for months and there's no reason for this.

I never had a problem with my body and I still don't, but I also wonder what Armie will think when he actually sees me naked, sees every single freckle, birthmark and hair that covers me. Will he like what he sees? Will I be able to please him the way I want to?

_ Stop over thinking, you idiot. He likes you. He invited you over. He has already touched your dick. He wants you as much as you want him. _

I sigh, taking a quick look at the clock before walking over to my closet, my eyes and hands scanning through all the clothes hanging there as I try to decide what to wear. I put on my boxers and then reach for my black skinny jeans, putting on and taking a quick look in the mirror again, making sure it looks as good as I remembered.

I furrow my nose as I try to make up my mind on which shirt to wear, pulling three out and trying on each one of them. I put on a tight grey shirt with sleeves that go all the way to my elbows, the fabric is thin and fits perfectly into my body, showing off my toned torso, but still not making it look like I want to show off.

I reach for my white sneakers and put it on, taking a step back so I can look at myself in the mirror. I run my fingers through my hair and try to style it in the best way possible, making sure it's tamed but still has a bit of a disheveled look to it. I bite on my lower lip, actually pleased with what I see in the reflection and smile to myself. I hear my phone buzz and run over to it, seeing a message from Ansel wishing me good luck tonight, which makes me laugh, and a message from Armie, which instantly makes my heart beat faster.

 

**_Mr. Hammer: [6:30 p.m.]_ ** _ Everything set for tonight, right? _

**_Timothée: [6:32 p.m.]_ ** _ Im about to leave the apartment _

**_Mr. Hammer: [6:34 p.m.]_ ** _ You got the address alright? _

**_Timothée: [ 6:35 p.m.]_ ** _  Yes I do _

_                                     I´ll be there in a few. _

_                                     Cant wait to see what you got planned _

**_Mr. Hammer: [6:36 p.m.]_ ** _ I hope you will enjoy the night _

**_Timothée: [6:38 p.m.]_ ** _ I am sure I will love it _

_                                     See you in a few minutes ;) _

 

I lock my phone, stuff in my pocket and reach for my drawer, taking a condom out of it and stuffing inside my wallet. I take a long look at the open drawer, chewing on my lip before I reach for another one and put it along with the other. Might as well be prepared for everything.

I put my wallet on my back pocket and take one long and last look in the mirror. I check on the windows and the balcony door and let out a sigh, my palms sweating and my heart beating with excitement as I walk out of the apartment.

Hopefully I won't be back until tomorrow.

  
  


******

  
  


I tap my foot on the floor of the elevator, my hands tucked inside my pockets, my tongue repeatedly wetting my lips as I let my eyes wander around. The elevator is quite simple, but the entire building sure fits the stereotypes you see in movies about New York. Bricks, old school architecture and large windows on the outside, minimalist decoration with an industrial touch on the inside. The elevator was down a long hallway and the doorman seemed quite a nice guy, he told me Armie was already waiting for me and I should just go up to the seventh floor. Only when I was inside the elevator I noticed neither he nor Armie gave me the exact number to the apartment.

I reach for my phone and unlock it, about to write Armie a text when the elevator chimes and hits a stop. I hear the doors open and look up, instantly seeing Armie´s blue eyes; he is standing across from the hallway, leaned against the slide door and it only takes me one quick look to the side to realize I never got a number because this is a one apartment per floor kind of building, which already leaves me in awe. I take a quick look at him up and down, he is in all black, no shoes and his hair has that look of perfectly made mess that makes him look so damn hot. He smiles at me and I smile back, taking a step closer to him and getting on my toes so I can place a kiss on his lips.

“Welcome to my home.”

He slides to the right and lets me in, my eyes going wide as I take in the beauty of the apartment. The whole place is bright, brick walls painted white and the wall across from me has three large glass windows that overlook the city. I take a few steps in, mouth hanging open as I look around the place with the amusement of a child who has just seen the presents under the Christmas tree.

To my right there's a staircase and the kitchen, filled with utensils and extremely neat. To my left there's a dining table with enough space for eight people to sit down comfortably. I take a few more steps in, taking in every single detail of the place. Closer to the large glass windows is the living room, a large black leather sofa, coffee table and two armchairs. On the wall behind the sofa there are two shelves with minimalist ballet posters and some plants. On the opposite side there's a bookcase completely packed and in front of it a large desk. There's a computer, books, a photographic camera and what seems to be a sketchbook.

I spin around, stopping as I face Armie, who´s by now leaning against the kitchen counter, a smirk on his face. “Like what you see?”

“I am definitely thinking about having a career as a ballet teacher now.”

“This place has absolutely nothing to do with being a ballet teacher, but everything to do with family money.”

“Wow.” I look up and notice there's a small mezzanine and from what I can see from down here, there is where his bedroom is. “This place is amazing, Armie.”

“I gotta agree with you.”

“That view, you can see the city lights and even catch a glimpse of the park. You are one lucky dude.”

He reaches for my hand and pulls me close to him, letting a hand slid to my waist as we lean our foreheads together. “Yes, I definitely am lucky.” I smile and lean in to kiss him, my hands resting on his hard chest. “Dinner is almost done, I just gotta finish the Risotto.”

“Risotto?”

“Yep, I hope you like spinach.” I give him a quick nod and he pecks my lips. “You wanna drink something while you wait? I´ve got wine, beer, iced tea and water.”

“A beer is fine.”

Armie nods and I follow him as he walks around the counter and heads towards the fridge. I lean against the counter and watch him move around the kitchen, bare feet practically sliding on the floor as if he was dancing. Armie hands me the beer and then turns to the stove, stirring the Risotto in the pain and making the smell of food take over the whole apartment.

“I can´t believe you also cook.”

He looks over my shoulder, a smile on his face. “My mom taught me and my sister when we were quite young, her and my dad always wanted to make sure my sister and I were independent.”

I take a few sips of my beer as I nod my head. I rock back and forth for a few seconds, looking at Armie as he cooks before I have the guts to actually walk away from him, taking another good look at the apartment.

“You really like reading,” I say as I ran my fingers through some of the books in the bookcase. “Are they all related to ballet and dance?”

“No, not all. I like almost every single literary genre so, you´ll find a very diverse range of books there.”

“I like a cultured man.” I turn to him, a smile on my face and he chuckles. I walk over to one of the windows, watching the city below me and have to take a breath. The view is absolutely stunning and I get lost in it for a while, because when I least expect I feel Armie´s arms wrap around my waist, his face buried on my neck as he places a few kisses there.

I let my hands rest on top of his, leaning my head back and close my eyes, feeling my whole body turn soft with his touch. Armie turns me around, cradles my face and places a tender kiss on my lips. I rest my hands on his hips, deepening the kiss for a little while before he pulls away, a smile on his face.

“Dinner is ready.”

“Okay.”

He takes my hand in his and leads me to the living room. There are some cushions on the floor around the coffee table,  which now has a bottle of wine, glasses, two empty places, silverware and dinner. I sit down in one side and watch Armie as he sits across from me, uncovering the two large plates where the Risotto and a beautifully grilled steak with onions and garlic are set. I have definitely found myself the perfect man.

Before I can even think of doing anything, Armie reaches for my plate and serves me the food. He does the same for himself and then fills our glasses with wine, the whole experience feeling so surreal and yet so amazing, I barely find the courage to say anything.

“I hope you´ll enjoy the food.”

“Armie, everything looks absolutely amazing and smells heavenly. This whole dinner is way more than I ever fantasized and I am loving every single second of it, even though it has just began.”

Armie smiles and reaches out for my hand, rubbing my palm as I smile at him. “I'm glad you are enjoying it, I gotta admit I was a little nervous about this whole thing.”

“So was I.”

“I wanted to make sure you felt comfortable here, that you didn't feel pressured or anything. I just want us to have some proper time together, just the two of us getting to know each other, no worrying about anyone showing up.”

“I love being here with you and I hope we can do this many times from now on.”

He nods. “Me too.”

I look down at the food, the smell of steak and the cheese from the Risotto filling my nostrils and my mouth water. “Shall we eat?”

“Please.”

  
  


*********

 

I sit in between Armie´s legs, my back leaned against his chest as I take a few sips of my wine and stare at the view. The city lights flickering, the buildings forming a beautiful skyline and the clear sky, filled with stars makes me feel peaceful, so complete that I nearly forget about how nervous I was just a few hours ago.

During my walk here I kept thinking of all the ways this night could go wrong, imagining how I would end up the night back in my apartment, searching for a few place for my ballet classes and yet, from the moment those elevator doors opened and I saw him, I knew everything was alright.

As the hours passed and we talked, discussed little things about one another, ballet and music, I noticed that although we clearly had our differences, there was so much more that connected us and that we wanted to know about the other. Being with Armie made me feel like this was what I had been waiting for my entire life. I didn't need to worry, I didn't need to overthink anything because even if what we have doesn't last long, while it lasts it will be the most amazing experience of my life.

I take one last gulp of wine and Armie takes the glass away from me, his fingertips running up and down my arms and bringing goosebumps to my skin. I close my eyes in ecstasy, leaning my head back on his shoulder and smiling as his lips find their home on my neck and shoulder.

“You look so beautiful tonight.” The way he whispers on my ear makes me shiver and I know he can feel it, I know he can easily see how much effect he has over me. “Those skinny jeans and this shirt, the way it hugs your body...I could stare at you the whole night.”

I move quickly, turning around and straddling him, my arms wrapping around his neck while he holds onto my hips. My lips are on his in a matter of seconds, a hungry and desperate kiss, as if we haven't been around each other in years, as if we need this kiss to survive. And in some ways we actually do, because now that I have tasted him, now that I had him, I needed him every day and every night.

I push my body closer to his as I feel his hand slid over to my ass, squeezing it softly as I moan through the kiss. My fingers knot on his hair and my hand tugs on his shirt, desperately trying to pull it off of him. He pulls away for a brief second, only to remove his shirt, then connects our lips once again, kissing me roughly, feeling me up and making my body tremble.

I run my fingers down his bare chest, loving the feel of his chest hair against my skin and move my lips down his jaw, his neck and his shoulder. I kiss, suck and bite on his feverish skin, leaving a trail of red marks and hickeys, which will make sure he won't forget about me so soon. Armie hisses, moans and curses, I can feel the shivers on his body now and the bulge in his pants. I let a hand rest on top of it and rub softly, looking at his eyes as I do so.

“Fuck, Timothée…” His breathing is laboured, his cheeks slightly flushed and I love the sight. I rub him a bit harder, leaving soft kisses on his lips from time to time until his entire body is trembling and his head falls back a little.

“I think it's time for you to show me your bedroom.”

Armie looks at me, eyes slightly glazed over but when he speaks I can tell he is trying his best to be serious, responsible. He wants the same as me, that is easy for me to see right now, but he wants to make sure I am sure of my decision, he wants to make sure whatever happens here today is because I fully wanted it to happen. 

_ He cares about you more than anyone else ever has. _

“Are you sure you want this? We don't have to do anything right now, Timothée.”

“I want this, Armie.”

Armie nods and places a soft kiss on my lips before he stands up and brings me with him. His fingers intertwine with mine and he leads me past the kitchen and up the stairs. The whole world slows down, my heart pounds in my chest and my mouth goes dry. This is it, it's finally happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters because I know you all really wanted Friday to come and because I might not be able to post next week (lots of work to do). Hope you guys liked it and don´t worry, there´s still a lot more to Friday ;)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée and Mr. Hammer finally have their first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I said I might not post anything this week, but I can´t stay away from this story and you guys. Enjoy a much needed smut.

Our clothes start falling to the ground the moment we reach the mezzanine, my eyes quickly scanning the room as Armie turns me around, his lips pressed against my neck, sucking on it hard, his fingers intertwined on my curls, tugging on it slightly. It's a matter of seconds until I find myself lying on back on Armie´s large bed, the black sheets contrasting with my pale skin as he hovers on top of me.

When we kiss is not rushed, it's a slow and sensual kiss, full of meaning and desire. Our bodies, now covered only by our boxers, are already sweaty and feverish, goosebumps filling our skins as our hands roam through each other´s body. We take out time to discover new things about each other, cherish the ones we already love and simply savour the moment, knowing this is one of the moments of our lives that we will never forget.

Armie´s lips feel great against my skin and the way his tongue runs down my chest makes my toes curl and and my cock twitch. His large hands run down the whole length of my body, partying my legs when he reaches my thighs and looking down at me with some much intensity, I can feel my whole body go pliant, my mind thinking only of how amazing he will feel inside of me.

He kneels on the bed in between my legs, his blue eyes scanning my entire body as he slowly removes my black boxers, my cock springing out, the head already turning a little purple, the veins already popping out. His hand is wrapped around it in seconds, slow and strong strokes that make me bite my lip and arch my back.

I fight the urge to relax completely and keep my eyes open, watching Armie jerk me off as he palms himself through his underwear. My mouth is salivating, my whole body is screaming for his touch, his lips, his fingers and his cock. Our eyes lock and Armie smiles, sucking on two fingers before he circles my hole with it, a grin on his face as I hiss and push my ass closer to his touch.

When his fingers enter me I have to grab a fistful of the sheets, my knuckles turning pale, my thighs spasming and I can't help myself, I throw my head back and let a long moan escape my lips. I can feel him pumping his fingers in and out of me, twisting, scissoring and curling them up inside of me. I am in cloud nine, every single inch of my being lightening up, electric waves running through my body, my cock leaking and begging for attention. If his fingers can do that to me, I can't even fathom how amazing his cock inside of me will make me feel.

I moan his name, beg him to stop teasing me and watch through hazed eyes as he chuckles, a hand rubbing on my inner thigh and making me lose my damn mind. When he starts laying kisses on my legs, going all the way from my knee to my groin, I tug on his hair, trying to get him to suck me off, but he is stronger and clearly has other plans for us. He takes my hands in his and pins my arms above my head, the feeling of emptiness as he retrieves his fingers from inside me makes me whimper.

“You still sure you want this? We can stop here if you feel like it.” His voice is sweet, his touch is delicate and I know -now one hundred percent- that he cares, he likes me just as much as I like him. We are in love.

“I want this, Armie.”

Armie nods, kisses me and reaches for the small nightstand besides his bed. From the corner of my eyes I can see him place the condom and a small bottle of lube on the bed. My heart starts beating faster with anticipation and when he kneels down again, this time to remove his own boxers, I feel like air has been knocked out of me.

He is gorgeous, every single inch of his body is perfect, from his hair to his toe, all the way through his toned chest, strong legs and beautiful, fat and long cock. I lick my lips and reach for the condom before he can do anything with it. I rip off the package, try to get in a better position and slowly roll it onto his cock, taking my time to feel it against my palm, to feel the twitching and weight of it. Armie closes his eyes, throws his head back slightly and from his lips I can hear low moans. When my name leaves his lips it feels like a symphony has taken over the entire apartment.

I reach for the bottle of lube and slick my fingers in it before stroking Armie, slow and long strokes just like he had done to me only a few minutes ago. He bends down, a hand on my hips while the other supports him up. His eyes are on mine, our breathing synchronized and our chests heaving. He kisses me once again, this time a little harder, a little sloppier and with more urgency. It's clear we are both far gone.

I open my legs wider and lie down on the bed, bringing Armie with me. He kisses down my neck and shoulder while his hand slowly removes mine from his cock; he wraps my legs around his hips and I can feel his cock brushing against mine opening. Armie leans on his forearm, his hand sweetly brushing my cheek as he guides his cock inside of me.

Armie goes slow, the head pushing past the first ring of muscle and opening me up. I take a couple of deep breaths, his cock is big, it burns a little but I want more, I want all of him inside of me. I moan softly as he pushed more and more in, taking his time and rubbing my hip as he does so. He is sweet, gentle and thoughtful; when he finally gets all in, Armie stops, leans his forehead against mine and I can feel his laboured and hot breathing on my face. I slid my fingers on his hair, tug on them and place a soft kiss on his quivering lips.

“P-please.”

He understands what I mean without the need to say anything else, he starts to thrust in and out, slow and steady, his stomach brushing against my cock repeatedly. My moans -and his- get a little louder as he starts moving a bit faster, our kiss turns a bit sloppy and my nails dig into his asscheeks, encouraging him to move faster, harder, rougher.

Armie pushes some of my curls back, placing kisses down my face, counting every freckle he finds and driving me crazy, making me feel loved at the same time he gives me so much pleasure I could burst. He grips on my thighs with both hands, pulling them further apart as his movements become faster and a bit more frenetic. I arch my back, feeling the sweat run down my body and my muscles clench around his cock.

“You feel so good.” He whispers, nibbles on my ear and then buries his face on the crook of my neck, his hips moving faster, his flesh hitting against mine, his cock slamming against my prostate over and over again. I drag my nails on his back, scratching him and hear him moan, feel his teeth against my skin and his body tremble on top of mine.

I gasp as I feel my cock start throbbing, my balls tightening and my whole body shiver. Armie´s thrusts and the friction of his stomach against my swollen cock quickly bring me close to my orgasm. I curse under my breath, biting my lip and trying to prolong the sensations. Armie clearly can tell what I am doing, he wraps his hand around my cock, gives a few tugs and smiles as I throw my head back.

“Don't hold back, I'm almost there too.”

His voice is slow and each word comes followed by a short breath. His hips slam against mine, both of us getting lost in our pleasure, moaning, whimpering and cursing repeatedly. The smell of sex and sweat fills the air and it doesn't take long for of us to grip tight into one another, the bodies that were only seconds ago trembling from head to toe, suddenly going stiff. Our voices blend in as we shout each other´s name, foreheads pressed together.

Armie kisses me slowly, both of us riding down the waves of our pleasure as he pulls out of me. I whimper at the emptiness, cradling his face as I try to deepen our kiss, but find it hard to do it since I can barely breath. His finger brushes against my lips and he smiles at me, the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in the world.

He rolls to the side, pulling me close to him and I wrap my arm and leg around his sweaty body. I breath him in, face buried on his neck as I feel his fingers running up and down my spine. My eyes are heavy, I blink a couple of times, trying to stay away as Armie lifts my chin.

“You can go to sleep.”

“I don't wanna go to sleep, I wanna stay awake, I wanna talk to you.”

“We have the whole night for that, Timmy.” Armie kisses my nose and I smile, relaxing on his body and feeling the tiredness take me over. Soon enough all I see is darkness, but the warmth of Armie´s arms around me is all that matters.

 

******

 

Our giggles and laughs echo in the quiet and dark apartment, the only light comes from the moon that infiltrates the apartment through the large windows. Both Armie and I fell asleep quickly after we were done, waking up almost an hour later. Silently we decided to stay in bed, naked bodies pressed together, legs tangled and black sheets all over the place.

Despite my protests, Armie eventually got up from the bed and quickly made his way down the stairs, his naked body glooming with the moonlight. He made it back to bed shortly after, a bowl filled with brownies and a smirk on his face.

We both devoured the brownies in record time, poking, making fun of each other and stealing kisses from time to time. It felt amazing to be with Armie in his own environment, because as much as he could be himself inside the studio when we were alone, being in his apartment was something completely different. This was the place where he was himself 100% and being here meant I got to know more about Armie without having to ask anything.

He likes photography, he really loves books and cooking, he appreciates art and he is one of the sweetest people I have ever met in life. And I hope he will be with me for the rest of my life.

My fingers run up and down the length of Armie´s chest, my eyes scanning his entire body as if it was a monument, a beautiful statue that belonged in some of the most prestigious museums in the world.

_ He is a work of art. _

I chuckle to myself, for the first time in a long time actually agreeing with this voice. I feel Armie´s hand on my hair, stroking it and pushing some curls out of my face.

“Why you laughing?”

I look up, snuggling closer to his body and letting a finger trace his jaw. “I was thinking about how gorgeous you are.”

“And that made you laugh?”

I roll my eyes and climb on top of him, straddling his lap as I massage his shoulders. “I laughed because there's this little voice inside of me saying you are a fucking work of art and I can't help but agree.”

“A work of art, that's far from reality, Timothée.”

“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? Specially when you are dancing.”

He chuckles, pulls me down and kisses me softly. “I could say the same about you. You are so graceful when you are dancing, the way you spin around that studio and how passionate you are, it's always a pleasure to see you dance, Timmy.”

The corner of my lips curve in a small smile. “It's the second time you call me Timmy, I really like the sound of that.”

“I like the sound of your name leaving my lips, no matter in what form, although Timothée sounds way more sexy than Timmy.”

“Everything sounds sexy in your voice.”

Armie furrows his nose and I laugh, resting my head on his chest and rubbing his sides with my hands. We go back to silence for a little while, our breathing the only sound that echoes as I feel Armie´s heart beat.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“What exactly happened for you to give up on Bolshoi? I know you said things happened and you had to say no to it, but what could be more important than following your dream?”

The hand Armie had on my back suddenly stops moving and as he remains quiet I know he probably still doesn't feel comfortable talking to me about this. I let out a sigh and rest my chin on his chest, a comprehensive smile on my lips as I try to assure him this is not actually a big deal.

“You don't have to answer if you don't want to, Armie.”

“My father,” I arch an eyebrow and he sighs, holding onto my waist with a tight grip. “The same week I got the call that offered me a spot on Bolshoi we found out my dad had brain cancer.”

“Armie, I am so sorry.”

“It was in a very advanced stage when we found out and the doctors said there was nothing else they could do. The operation would be so delicate, my dad would be in too much risk, the best option at that point was to take him home, make sure the family was around him and make him feel the least possible pain.” I sit down on the bed and pull Armie to me, resting his head on my lap while I stroke his hair.

“He tried to convince me to go, said there was absolutely no reason for me to stay when he had my mom and my sister, but there was no way in hell I´d move to Russia and leave him like that. My father always believed in me, he encouraged me to keep on trying to be better when everyone said I wasn't fit for ballet. When I was seventeen and told him I was gay, he held me in his arms and told me he would always be there for me. I couldn't leave him behind when he needed me the most.”

“You did the right thing.”

He nods. “For a long time my mom worried that I had regretted my decision, that I was living a life of sadness. It took her awhile to realize that what I loved was ballet and no matter what form of. I could have been a successful Bolshoi danseur, but I could have failed too. What I do know is that I love the life I have right now, everything is the way it should be.”

I smile down at him, a few tears on my eyes after his revelation. “I'm sorry if I brought you any bad memories, that was not what I was trying to do. And I am glad you enjoy the life you have, because I know all of your students really appreciate having you around.”

“Even the ones who call me an asshole?”

I bite my lip and give him a nod. “Even those.” He chuckles, shaking his head as I move my finger to his cheek, rubbing it softly. “You do know they might call you names sometimes, but every single one of them truly appreciates you, right?”

“I don't know, I never really give much thought about this, I just want to do my job in the best way possible.”

“And you are doing, they might get annoyed sometimes, but everyone knows how great of a professional you are, how talented you are.”

Armie smiles, his hand rubbing up and down my arm. “Why exactly are you telling me this?”

“Because I thought you should know.”

“Because you thought I should know?”

“Because I want you to know that your decision wasn't in vain. Not only you got to spend more time with your dad, you also became a great teacher. Also, you saying no to Bolshoi is the best thing to happen to me.”

“Oh, really?”

“Wouldn't be here tonight if you had said yes.”

“See? Everyday I am more and more sure not going to Bolshoi was the best thing I did.” I smile as he pulls me down, kissing me as I let my hands slid down his bare chest.

  
  


******

  
  


Slow and tender kisses, hands that roam through each other's bodies, giggles and soft moans that echo. We roll around on the bed, our naked bodies tangled in a mess that's impossible to figure out where each one of us starts and the other ends. Perhaps that doesn't exist anymore, we are one.

We fool around for hours, but don't have sex again, not because we don't want to or because we didn't enjoy it, but because there is so much more to talk, see and explore. I took my time jerking Armie off, hearing my name leave his lips repeatedly, I saw him tremble at my touch and had a nice close up of his cock as he came in my hand.

Armie played with my nipples while he sucked on my neck, arousing me in ways I have never felt before, making me cum in my stomach without even touching myself, which was one of the most erotic things that has ever happen to me.

We talked about the posters he has on his living room, about the camera I saw on his desk and he showed me some Polaroids he had on the nightstand. Photography was his second love, the one thing he would have gone for if ballet didn't work. I asked him about his Instagram, who took those amazing photos and he talked about this friend of his, who took a photography class with him when they were teenager and had become a professional.

There are records in a corner of his bedroom and a vintage record player on the floor. The minimalist, black and white theme is his apartment is also featured in some of the Polaroids, he said he is a simple man and likes simple things. I didn't say anything, but I know he is much more complex than he wants to show, he has his fears, his insecurities and his dirty little secrets like everyone else...I can only hope he will once allow me to get know those parts of him as well.

As I lay on my side on the large bed, I stare at him as he sleeps. He has a serious but peaceful expression on his face, his hair is all over the place and his scent -strong, manly and with a hint of sex- is intoxicating. I snuggle closer, rest my hand on his shoulder and wrap my arm around his waist as I close my eyes and try to get some sleep.

_ See what happens when you stop worrying so much, you idiot. _

I smile to myself, burying my face on his neck and letting out a contentment sigh as I feel Armie move slightly, his nose burying on my hair, his arm around me, keeping me as close as possible. He is warm, strong and it feels like heaven to be pressed against him. I have a feeling this is gonna be the best night of sleep of my entire life.

  
  
  



	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée spends the Saturday with Mr. Hammer in his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am sorry for not answering the comments, life was something the past week. I was on meds and they took a tool on me, but I am almost fully recovered now and things are going good. Hope you enjoy another part of their weekend together, filled with fluff, teasing and smut. :)

I let out a yawn and flick my eyes open, smiling as I see Armie lying beside me, his face serene, the stubble on his jaw starting to grow and his golden skin a beautiful contrast to the dark sheets. I push some hair out of his face and get up carefully, trying not to make any noise that could wake him up.

I look for my clothes but both mine and Armie´s are tossed to the side, a mess that I just don't want to deal with right now. I get down the stairs on my tiptoes, make my way to the kitchen, filling myself a glass of water and taking it all down in one go. The curtains were never closed and the sun is starting to creep in through the windows, a beautiful sight as the tall buildings gain an orange glow around them.

I quickly wash the dishes that we let from dinner and then walk to the window, arms crossed and a goofy ass smile on my face as I watch the city below. I think about last night, how beautiful Armie looked, how great his dinner was and how unbelievably sweet he was to me throughout the whole night. The way he touched, talked to me and made sure I was always okay was something I had never experienced before.

_ You never experienced before because you never liked anyone the way you like him. _

“Good morning, early bird.”

I chuckle and look over my shoulder. Armie is leaning against the rail, his naked body hidden by the tinted glass, his hair a mess and his blue eyes still carrying a hint of sleep in them.

“Good morning.”

I watch as he lazily gets down the stairs and walks over to me, his cock sporting a nice morning wood that makes my mouth salivate and my own cock wake up. I bite on my lip and close my eyes as he reaches me, wraps his arms around my waist, buries his face on my neck and presses his cock against my ass.

“Did I wake you up?”

“No, you didn't.”

“Good, I tried to keep myself as quiet as possible. I washed the dishes from yesterday night and then decided to take a look at the view. Honestly I am still not over this, it's amazing.”

“It sure is.” His hand slides down to my cock, his palm teasing the head as I take in a deep breath. I lick my lips, push my ass back and hear Armie moan softly against my skin. His cock is throbbing and I can feel the heat of it against my ass, making my own start to ooze precum.

“Get it in,” I manage to whisper as I lean my hands against the window and arch my back, urging him to get inside of me already.

“Condoms are upstairs, babe.” Armie kisses behind my ear and squeezes my cock, which makes me gasp. “But there are other things we could do.”

I simply nod, way too deep into this fog of pleasure that has surrounded me to manage to utter any word. Armie grabs onto my hair, yanks my head back and I feel my knees buckle. Fuck, this is so sexy.

“I want you to lean against the window and open yourself for me, can you do that?”

“Y-yes.”

I press my chest and cheek against the window, the cold glass a contrast to my and Armie´s feverish skin. I pull my asscheeks apart and let out a loud moan as I feel Armie´s cock nestle itself in between, feeling him move slowly, rubbing his throbbing shaft against my crack.

His nails dig into my skin as he holds my hip, his thrusts matching the speed of his hand on my cock. I quickly become a mess of sobs and whimpers, surprised at how much pleasure I am taking from this, but loving every single second of it.

Armie kisses my back, my shoulder and neck, his breathing getting a little bit more laboured as he starts rocking faster against me. His cock is so hard, I can feel it twitch and when the tip brushes against my skin, precum smears all around.

“God, you are amazing.” He wraps an arm around me, his palm pressed against my stomach as he starts moving in an almost animalistic way. His chest hair rubs against my sweaty back, his moans sound like music in my ears and when he bites into my shoulder we both lose control.

My cock throbs uncontrollably as I cum all over Armie´s hand, some -or a lot- landing on the window and obscenely sliding down the glass. Armie holds me close as his cock twitches and he cums, the warm and thick liquid landing on my lower back. I take a few deep breaths and reach back for him, sliding a hand to his neck and bringing him to a kiss.

Armie turns me around and presses me against the window, our softening cocks rubbing together as he devours my lips. I tug on his hair, I press myself against him and moan as he rubs his hand, filled with my cum, all over my back, mixing our fluids together.

  
  


******

  
  


Armie is already setting breakfast at the counter as I make my way out of the bathroom. I zip up my jeans, pushing some of my still wet hair back and lean against the wall, watching as Armie moves around the kitchen, eyes focused on whatever he is cooking and lips moving along to the music that is playing.

He is wearing gym shorts and loose grey shirt, his hair is now slicked back and the stubble on his jaw is a bit more apparent. It took us quite a while but after some unnecessary arguing, Armie decided we were to shower separately, otherwise we would never make it to breakfast. He went first and I made sure to clean my cum out of the window and tried my best to make his bedroom look decent.

The smell of omelet and bacon fills the air and I snap out of my thoughts. I walk to the kitchen and hop of one of the stools, leaning against the counter as I watch Armie finish our breakfast. I reach for the coffee and pour some down for me, taking a few sips just as a plate miraculously slides over to me.

“Thank you.” He nods and leans down, kissing me softly before he turns back to the stove, getting his own plate. “Hey, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, but I did something and I need to tell you about it, I just hope you can understand my side here and…”

“Timothée, what happened?”

“I told Ansel about us.”

He chews on his bacon, his eyes locked on mine while I bite my lip and patiently -or as much as I can be- wait. When he remains quiet, I sigh, scratching the back of my neck as I try to think of the best way to go through this.”

“I know you said no one should know, but…”

“He is your best friend and you feel like you can trust him.” I nod my head and watch as he smiles, reaching for my hand. “He knows about the classes and hasn't told anyone, I think we can trust him to keep this secret too.”

“We can, I explained everything to him and he knows what's at risk here. He won't do anything stupid, Armie, I can guarantee.”

“Ansel seems like a really cool guy and you know him for years, if you trust him, then it's okay with me.”

“Really?”

Armie nods, looking at me from under his lashes as he takes a few sips of his coffee. “You trust him and I trust you.”

“Thanks.”

He shrugs and kisses my hand, making me giggle a little. This whole situation would have seemed surreal just a little over a week ago and now here I am, having breakfast with Armie and talking about our relationship.

“So, what are your plans for the day?”

I shrug my shoulders, taking a few bites of my omelet. “I don't know, what are your plans for today?”

“Stay in?” I hum, nodding my head and Armie smiles. “I got some movies I want to catch on, maybe we could watch it together, unless you have other ideas.”

“I have one idea, but that can easily be done in between the movies.” I lick my lips, arching an eyebrow and Armie shakes his head. He leans in, holding onto my chin and bringing me closer to him.

“And you claim I was the tease.”

“Maybe this is my payback...Mr. Hammer.” He hisses, shaking his head and I smirk, leaning a bit closer to him, our noses touching. “You love the sound of that, don't you?”

“You have no idea.” His eyes are darker already and I take full advantage of it to close the space in between us and kiss him hungrily. I grab his face in my hands, my tongue invading his mouth and exploring it until I am completely breathless. He knots his fingers on my hair , pulls my head back and I moan, my eyes closed in pure bliss. “You little devil, you are gonna be the death of me.”

“I could say the same.” My voice is barely a whisper and when I open my eyes, I can see the amusement in Armie´s face. “God, I love when you do this.”

“Good to know,” there's so much malice in his voice that if I wasn't sitting down, I´d probably have fell down on my knees. “What you say we get back to breakfast before it gets cold?”

“I rather go on with this, to be honest.”

He chuckles, pecking my lips. “After breakfast we can get back from where we stopped. If you behave yourself, of course.”

“Anything for you, Mr. Hammer.”

  
  


*******

  
  


My fingers trace the desk, my eyes wandering from one object to the other. Armie is in the kitchen, popping us some popcorn before we sit down for the first movie of the day. I reach for the small sketchbook lying there and look around it, my curiosity is taking the best of me and before I can make the mistake of looking through it without permission, I turn around, waving the sketchbook in the air to catch his attention.

“Can I?”

Armie looks over at me and gives a nod, quickly turning his attention back to the popcorn. I open the little book and smile as I go through the pages, instead of drawings, there are notes about ballet, routines he has already taught us and some random comments about some of the guys.

“You make notes about us?”

“Yes, specially when I notice something that needs to be worked on.”

“Am I gonna find anything insulting about me in here?”

“You won't find anything insulting about anyone there, specially about you. Why would I have anything bad to say about my best student?”

“Best or favorite?”

“I never said you were my favorite, Paul is my favorite.” I shoot him a glare and Armie laughs, shaking his head as he turns off the stove. “And that is all the confirmation I needed, you really are jealous.”

I roll my eyes, sitting down on the chair and going through some other pages. “I am not jealous of Paul, Armie. I mean, I have absolutely no reason to...right?”

He pours the popcorn in a bowl and walks over to me. He places the bowl on the table and leans on the arms of the chair, trapping me. “I never offered extra classes to Paul, or invited him to my apartment. I barely speak to Paul, because the guy is very quiet and keeps himself kind of secluded from everyone else. Not gonna lie, he's good looking, but not who I want.”

Armie reaches for a popcorn and feeds me, my lips touching his fingertips and I smile as he smirks. I lick my lips, cleaning the butter that was smeared all over it and giggle as Armie licks my lips before kissing me softly.

“Now, can we stop the jealousy session and watch the movie?”

I nod my head and get up quickly, taking the bowl with me as I walk to the couch. Armie closes the curtains, giving the apartment a darker tone, and then rushes over, lying down beside me on the couch.

  
  


*******

  
  


“Stop it.”

Armie covers his face as I snap yet another Polaroid of him, giggling as he shakes his head and rolls his eyes. We had finished the movie and end up lying on the floor, talking, stuffing our mouths with popcorn and making out.

I was the one to grab the Polaroid on the desk, I had very little contact with one and wanted him to teach me how to use his. He gladly did so, until I snapped the camera out of his hands and started taking his pictures. He blushed when I got very close, laughed when I made funny faces to try and get him to relax and held me close when I tried to take a picture of the both of us.

I had made sure to keep that one in my back pocket, the first photo of us together, kissing and I would keep it safe and sound until the end of my days. Armie wanted one for himself too, but I promise I´d only give him one after he allowed me a photo shoot of him, in his ballet attire and posing against the beautiful windows of his apartment. He obviously said no.

“Just let me take the pictures, c´mon.”

“No, I don't want to.”

“So your friend can take all those beautiful, sexy pictures for your Instagram and yet your own boyfriend is denied such a treat? That's not nice of you, Armie.”

“The friend takes the pictures while I am working out or dancing, I don't feel like it's a photo shoot. The boyfriend on the other hand just wants some pics he will get off to later on.”

I gasp, shaking my head. “How dare you say such a thing?” Armie pulls me down and I fall into his chest, giggling away as he rolls his eyes. “I already have a selection of photos I use for that, I don't need new ones...at least not now.”

“The ones you stole from my Instagram?”

“Maaaaaybe.”

He chuckles, running his fingers through my hair, making me close my eyes and sigh in pure bliss. “You have any idea of how beautiful you are? How perfect your face is and how soft is your skin? Or how crazy I am about you?”

“Just as much as I am about you, at least that's how I like to see it.”

“I never thought we would get here, honestly never thought anything would ever happen between us.”

“That makes two of us, I wanted you so bad but I was always on tiptoes, trying to make sure you didn't notice anything. As much as I liked you, I didn't want to risk losing your classes and definitely didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Armie smiles, his hand cradling my face as I lean in to his touch. “That's why you ran away after you kissed me?”

“The way you looked at me, how confused you seemed to be, I thought you were about to scream at me, so I ran off.”

“I was shocked because I wasn't sure you felt the same way, I kept telling myself that those looks we shared, the long touches were just me projecting something, but when you kissed me, things got real...way too real.”

“You think we would have settled this earlier if I didn't run away?”

He shrugs. “I was willing to talk, but you ran away and then didn't show up for class, I thought you were sick of me, feeling disgusted with the situation and that's why I told you we should forget about it.”

“Ugh, the weeks we wasted by not talking to one another.”

He chuckles and rolls us over, hovering on top of me and snatching the camera from my hands. “Things happened the way they were supposed to, Timothée. We are here now, that's all that matters.” I nod and he turns on the camera, snapping a few pictures of me as I laugh and make funny faces.

This is easily the best Saturday of my entire life.

  
  


*******

  
  


My hair is a mess and there's sweat pouring down my body, my head is throw back, my lips slightly parted and my heart is beating faster. Armie´s hands are on my waist, holding tight onto me as I move my hips, using every single thing I know to make sure he is feeling just as great as I am right now.

He is moaning my name repeatedly, his hips moving upwards from time to time, his delicious cock hitting my prostate and making me go even faster. When I look at him, he has his blue eyes locked on my cock, watching as it bounces around, the swollen head turning a deep shade of pink and leaking precum. It's like he is hypnotized by the movement, he licks and bites on his lip, his nails scratch my skin and his cock, oh his cock throbs inside of me, which makes me moan his name loud.

My movements become less and less steady, my body losing itself in a haze of pleasure, every single inch of my skin burning and every single hair on my body standing up. Armie slides a hand to my ass, squeezing the flesh, while the other wraps around my cock, stroking it quickly, his thumb teasing the slit and smearing precum all over the head.

It's like in seconds I am in this trance, nothing else in the world exists, the tension building inside of me, this pleasure that is about to erupt is all I can think and feel. I lean my hands on his sweaty chest, my muscles clenching around Armie´s cock, milking the orgasm away from him and he loves it. He arches his back, throw his head back and sinks his nails on my asscheeks.

His face and neck are a bright red by now, his breathing is short and laboured, his skin is glowing. He looks tremendously beautiful when he is just about to cum. I moan his name, getting louder and louder each time I do so, feeling my body stiffen and holding onto Armie´s shoulders for dear life.

We cum at the same time, my cock spraying cum all over my stomach and chest, while Armie empties himself on the condom. I collapse on top of him, my body is still shaking and I am a bit lightheaded. His strong arms wrap around me, his hands stroking my back and playing with my hair. When his cock actually slips out of me, I let out a little whimper, burying me face on his neck and smiling as I hear his chuckle.

I could live in this moment for the rest of my life.

“I really am loving this weekend.” Each word comes after a kiss on his neck and with each kiss he held me tighter. “I wish we could be here forever.”

“Forever might not be possible, but we can do this every weekend. Starting after your night classes, of course.”

I chuckle, looking up at him as he smirks. “Not even dating the teacher I get to miss classes? What are my perks here?”

“Boyfriend Armie would love to have you for more hours, but Mr. Hammer knows you can't waste your classes.”

“Can't Mr. Hammer make some compromises from time to time?”

Armie laughs and when he does so, his eyes squint and wrinkles show up. He looks amazing and sounds like a symphony. This is my reality now, I can have the smiles, the laid back attitude, the playfulness all the time. We don't hide ourselves anymore.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Huh?”

“You dozed off there for a bit.”

I shrug. “Was only thinking about how lucky I am right now.”

Armie smiles and I let out a yawn, I can feel my body going pliant on top of his, my eyelids feel heavier. I'm getting sleepy and tired, but I am so happy it doesn't even matter.

“Then we are both lucky.” His voice is somehow distant now, my eyes blinking repeatedly as I try to fight off sleep. Armie strokes my hair, his lips whispering sweet nothings on my ear as I smile and slowly drift off.

I'm looking forward to a Sunday of more fun.

  
  



	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée and Mr. Hammer enjoy the last day of the weekend. Together and separately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phone sex, anyone?

I move around on the bed, eyes still closed, body pressed against Armie, his arms tightly wrapped around me as the annoying sound of my phone ringing fills the entire place. It's loud, high pitched and makes me want to kill myself, why on earth did I think this ringtone was a good idea?

I lean on my elbows, sleepy eyes looking around the bedroom, trying to figure out where the sound is coming from, where the phone is in the middle of the mess of clothes and sheets on the floor. God, we really had fun last night. I finally spot it close to the stairs and jump out of the bed, hearing Armie groan as he moves around. I check the name on the screen, arching an eyebrow as I realize it's my mom and answer quickly.

“Hey mom, good morning.”

I grab my shirt and jeans from the floor and walk back to the bed, sitting on the edge as Armie sits down too, his large hands on my shoulders, his lips on the nape of my neck. Ugh, he is not making this easy.

“Sorry mom, I totally forgot about it. Yes, I know. Yes, I understand.” Armie sucks on my neck and I nearly moan into the phone. He chuckles and I look at him over my shoulder, elbowing him and pushing him back on the bed. “I´ll be there as soon as possible, mom, I'm just about to leave the house, okay? Yes, yes I will. Okay, love you, bye.”

“You leaving?”

I nod and fish for my boxers from a pile of clothes and put it on as fast as possible as Armie watches. “I had planned a brunch with my parents, but I totally forgot about it and my mom is kind of mad at me right now.”

“Can't you reschedule?”

I pull on my jeans, a wide smile on my face as I look down at him. He is spread on the bed, golden hair disheveled, lips a bright pink and naked body urging me to crawl back into his arms.

“They are always out of town and with work and classes I have barely seen them lately. Besides, they are about to head to France to visit my sister, I can't say no to brunch.”

Armie nods and sits down, pulling the sheets from the floor and covering his body with it. “Shouldn't you at least take a shower then?”

“I have no time for a shower, Armie, I need to be at Aurora SoHo in at least ten minutes.”

“Babe, you smell of sweat...and sex.”

With a grin, I kneel down on the bed, placing a kiss on his lips and running my fingers through his hair. He kisses me back, holding onto my shirt and making me smile.

“Good, then I will spend the entire brunch thinking of you.”

“Not sure your parents are gonna like that.”

“They won't even notice.”

He laughs, shaking his head as I furrow my nose, loving the look on his face. “I really gotta go, do you have any idea where my shoes are?”

“Probably downstairs.”

“Oh yeah, I saw them near the kitchen yesterday.” I peck his lips once again and then grab my phone, sticking in my back pocket as I ran off towards the stairs. “I´ll call you as soon as I am done with brunch.”

“I´ll be waiting.”

  
  


*******

  
  


I manage to get to the restaurant in fifteen minutes. The place is packed and I make my way past a few people that are waiting for tables, smiling sweetly at the waitress who walks over to me, ready to send me off to the end of the line. I tell her there's people waiting for me and she leads me to my parents, who are happily chatting on the table.

They look up the moment I reach the table and that is the moment I regret not listening to Armie. I really should have taken a shower, because there is no way my mom won't notice something. As if on queue, my mom arches an eyebrow and looks at me up and down as I take a sit across from her on the table.

“Morning. I am so sorry I am late, I went out yesterday night and I kind of forgot we had talked about brunch.”

My dad nods, squeezing my shoulder as he smiles at me. “It's okay, son, don't worry about it.”

“Dear Lord, Timmy, is everything okay? Did you even take a shower?”

I bite on my lip and shake my head, watching as my mom sighs. “I'm sorry, but I know how much you hate when we are late and I didn't want to make you mad first thing in the morning, mom.”

“I wouldn't be mad at you, Timmy.” I shrug and she smiles, taking my hand in hers and squeezing it softly. “You do look immensely happy, though. Am I allowed to know why?”

“Nothing special, actually.”

“Son, even I can tell there's something different in you, a kind of spark in your eyes that was not there the last time we saw you.”

My mom nods. “And whatever it is, or who it is, was enough to get you to forget about brunch with us, so I think it actually is kind of special.”

The waitress places some things down on the table and we all thank her. I instantly go for the coffee, pouring myself some and taking a few sips of it. My parents keep their eyes on me all the time and I sigh, aware there is no reason to lie or keep myself quiet. The Chalamet family simply can't hide anything from one another.

“Yes, I am going out with someone.”

“Oh sweetie, I am so excited for you.” My mom´s smile is so big it makes me chuckle. “What's his name?”

I lick my lips, my legs suddenly bouncing in nervousness. What are the chances of them actually remembering the name of my ballet teacher? Is not like they have many -or any- interactions with him.

“Armie, his name is Armie.”

“And where did you meet him?”

“Mom, can we focus on brunch and your trip to France? Armie and I are just starting this out, so there's really not much to talk about it.”

She nods, but I can tell she noticed that something about me was off. As much as I´d love to sit here and tell them about how amazing, talented, sweet and gorgeous Armie is, I knew I couldn't take the risk of them figuring it out. Ansel knows and that's enough.

“Okay, if you say so...but can we at least talk about your ballet classes? How are you getting yourself ready for that Juilliard audition?”

I smile, leaning on the table and reaching for a croissant. “Classes are going great, Mr. Hammer really knows how to push us and make sure…”

  
  


*******

  
  


I made it back to my apartment shortly after two in the afternoon, took a shower and headed straight to bed. My eyes were heavy and my whole body was begging for a couple more hours of sleep; waking up to your phone ringing at 9 a.m. after you and your boyfriend were up until 4 a.m. does that to someone.

I woke up fully charged, texted Armie and then talked to Ansel for a while. Olivia was going to test some receipts from her cooking class and so I was going to have dinner with them, make sure she had someone other than Ansel there to tell if it was good or not.

When it was almost time to leave, I rushed to the bathroom, taking another quick shower while I replayed the events of this weekend. Armie and the moments we spent together were the only thing in my head for the entire day, I missed his touch, his kisses and his smiles almost as if it had been days since I last saw him.

The moment I leave the bathroom, a towel wrapped around my waist, I hear my phone going off. I looked around the apartment, catching a glimpse of it by the kitchen counter and rush over to it, smiling wide as I see Armie´s name on the screen.

“Hey, sorry I didn't reply to your text earlier, I was getting something to eat, then I started cleaning the house and end up falling asleep on the couch. How was brunch with your parents?”

“It was nice, they wanted to know everything about this guy I am seeing, but told them it's not worth it, guy is not even that great.”

“Shit, would hate to be that guy.”

I chuckle and throw myself in the bed, eyes stuck on the ceiling and what I can only assume is the goofiest smile ever on my face.

“Seriously now, they did want to know everything about you, but I managed to change the subject. They were pleased enough to talk about their trip to France, how amazing brunch was and my ballet classes and how great of a professional my teacher was for encouraging us all to be the best version of ourselves for the auditions.”

I can hear Armie chuckle on the other side of the line. “So, you still found a way to talk about me.”

“Yep, which is not really a surprise. I always talked about you and now...well, now I have even more reasons to.”

“You´ll get tired of me easily.”

“Impossible.”

There is a few seconds of silence, I can hear his breathing and the sound of him moving around. I wonder if he really thinks I could ever get tired of him, ever find myself bored beside a man that is so amazing and passionate about everything he does.

“So, what are your plans for the night?”

“I am going over to Ansel´s, his girlfriend is cooking us some stuff from her cooking class.”

“Oh I see, I´ve been ditched for the whole day.”

“I could cancel,” my answer comes almost before Armie can finish his sentence. “I just need to change, I´ll stop by some place to buy us some food and will be there in fifteen, twenty minutes tops.”

“What? Timothée, I was only joking. We spent Friday night and the entire Saturday together, now it's time for you to have some fun with your friends.”

“Are you sure? ´Cause I really don't mind.”

“But I do. You are not gonna stop hanging out with your friends because of me, go to Ansel´s place, enjoy the food and the company, but make sure you are in bed early. I don't want you, neither Ansel, looking like zombies tomorrow.”

“Mr. Hammer strikes again.”

He laughs and I can't help but giggle. “You´ll never get rid of Mr. Hammer.”

“Good, because I want both versions of you.”

“Greedy fucker.”

“Oh, that I am.”

Armie laughs again and I take a look at the watch, letting out a sigh as I realize I'm almost late.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes, but I gotta go now.”

“Okay, have fun with them.”

“Will do, will also call you once I'm back home, Mr. Hammer.”

“Mr. Hammer will be very pleased to hear your voice before going to sleep.”

  
  


*******

  
  


“Dinner is almost done, guys, I just need five more minutes.”

We nod and watch as Olivia heads over to the kitchen and leaves us with the silverware, plates and napkins to set the table. Ansel watches her with a smile, his eyes following her until she is absorbed in her task in the kitchen.

When he turns to me, there's a smirk on his face and he leans over the table, placing a set of knife and fork on the plate in front of me. I know well enough what he wants, how desperate he must be to know everything -or almost everything- about my date with Armie, but he still contemplating on whether to ask or not. When he finally does it, his voice is low and he can't help taking another quick look at Olivia, making sure she is not listening.

“Okay, am I allowed to know exactly how your date with Mr. Hammer go?”

“It was the most amazing night of my life, Ansel, which then turned into the best day of my life.”

“So there was no need to be nervous?”

I shake my head, folding the napkins and placing them on the plates. “No need at all. Everything went by so smoothly and he made sure everything was nice and that I was comfortable.” I let out a sigh, a wide smile on my lips as I sit down, instantly replaying the weekend in my head. “I got there on Friday around 7 p.m. and left this morning, but only because I had planned brunch with my parents. If my mom had not waken me up, I´d have probably stayed there the whole day.”

“Do you have any idea of how big is the smile on your face right now?” I nod my head enthusiastically and Ansel laughs. “I don't think I have ever seen you like this.”

“Because I have never been like this. I am happy, Ansel, the most I have ever been and it's...it's amazing. We have a lot in common, but there's also so many differences and as strange as it may sound, I love him even more because of all those differences, because I want to get to know him, I want to figure out every little thing about him.”

“I'm happy for you, bro, I know how long you´ve been dreaming about something like this.”

“Ansel, nothing I dreamt of comes close to any of this. He was the sweetest man ever, he has the most amazing apartment I have ever seen and he cooked me dinner, like from scratch.”

“You cook too, Tim.”

“Yes, but not like that, not like him.”

Ansel chuckles and sits down across from me. “You're hopelessly in love.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Okay, everything´s ready.” Olivia´s voice catches us by surprise and we both turn to her with wide eyes. She arches an eyebrow, hands in her hips as her eyes go from me to Ansel repeatedly. “What were you guys gossiping about?”

“Nothing,” we say in unison, which only makes Olivia roll her eyes.

“Men.”

  
  


******

  
  


I lock the balcony door and close the curtains, leaving the apartment almost entirely dark, the little lamp by nightstand providing the only light. I quickly take off my clothes, keeping only my boxers and head straight to bed, reaching for my phone in the meantime. I scroll through some message from my mom and Pauline, before I stop by one of Armie, biting my lip and feeling my cheeks flush.

 

**_Mr. Hammer: [9 p.m.]_ ** _ Hope you are having a good time with Ansel and his gf _

_                                    But I gotta admit I am a bit lonely _

**_Timothée: [00:00 a.m.]_ ** _ Are you still awake? _

_                                     I had a lot of fun _

_                                    But kept thinking of you all the time _

**_Mr. Hammer: [00:03 a.m.]_ ** _ Oh look who is finally back _

_                                          Glad you enjoyed yourself _

_                                         Thought about you the whole day...and night...and in the shower _

**_Timothée: [00:05 a.m.]_ ** _ MR. HAMMER!! _

**_Mr. Hammer: [00:06 a.m.]_ ** _ Please, I know you have done the same _

**_Timothée: [00:07 a.m.]_ ** _ I have done things I am even ashamed to admit _

**_Mr. Hammer: [00:09 a.m.]_ ** _ Would love to hear more about those things ;) _

**_Timothée: [00:10 a.m.]_ ** _ Dont tease me Mr. Hammer _

**_Mr. Hammer: [00:10 a.m.]_ ** _ Maybe I want to tease you _

_                                          Maybe I REALLY want to know about those things _

**_Timothée: [00:13 a.m.]_ ** _ Fuck _

_                                     If you keep insisting on this subject I might end up getting hard _

**_Mr. Hammer: [00:14 a.m.]_ ** _ Mission accomplished then ;) _

**_Timothée: [00:15 a.m.]_ ** _ Can I call you? _

_                                     Need to hear your voice _

 

My phone starts ringing right away and I can't help but giggle. I answer it while lying down on my bed, shyly letting my hand run down my body and palm my cock, which by now is semi hard. If only implying sexting with him can do that to me, I am seriously screwed, I will barely be able to go on through classes.

“So, you think of me while showering now?”

“Now? Who said I wasn't doing it before?”

“You were?” There's an obvious shock in my voice, the idea of Armie jerking off as he thought of me was just too good to be truth.

“Once...but I felt like a total ass after it.”

“Why?”

“Because I am your teacher and I had no clue you liked me too? It felt so good and at the same time it made me feel so bad with myself.”

“So you never done it again?”

“Forced myself not to.”

I let my hand inside my boxers, wrapping it around my cock and stroking it slowly. “But you don't have to feel bad with yourself anymore. I mean, I could even provide you some material now.”

I can hear a faint moan coming from him and I smile, teasingly running my fingers through my slit.

“Fuck, Timothée.”

“Would you like the visual or the audio?” He chuckles and I bite my lip, trying to suppress a moan, but failing miserably.

“Fuck, I could hear you moaning for the rest of my life.”

I start moving my hand faster and feel my breathing get a little heavier. We are barely doing anything, but the smallest things about him make me go crazy and just to be jerking off while on the phone with him, arouses me three times more than normal.

“Do it again, babe.”

I tilt my head back and let his name leave my lips. My chest is heaving and the heavy breathing that comes from him makes my body shiver. I hear him curse and hiss, I hear him whisper incoherent things then call out my name very low. God, this is all so sexy.

“Can I...can I hear you too?”

“Damn it, Timmy, you have no idea how hard I am right now.”

I lick my lips. “I wish I was there, I´d wrap my lips around you in no time and get all of you inside my mouth.”

“S-shit.”

“Get you nice and slippery, ready to get inside of me.” I groan, precum leaking and coating my fingers. Armie is moaning, my name leaving his lips repeatedly, telling me how good it feels to be inside my mouth. “I want you to fuck me, Mr. Hammer, deep and hard, leave me a sobbing mess.”

“Oh babe, I will.”

“Promise me?”

“I promise you, babe, I will fuck you until you are begging me to stop.”

I moan loud, my cock twitching in my hand as I arch my back. “I never want you to stop.”

“Timmy?”

“Y-yes.”

“I want you to cum for me, I wanna hear you...do this for me, babe.”

I stroke myself harder, a thin layer of sweat on me, my whole body thrashing around on the bed while my moans get louder and more frequent. When I am about to cum, I start to call out Armie´s name and the moans I hear back let me know he is also on the verge of an orgasm.

“Oh...oh...here it comes.”

“Yes babe, I'm about to cum too, let me hear you.”

“S-shit Armie….I….I…” I let out a loud  _ fuck  _ and open my eyes just in time to see my cum erupt from my throbbing cock and land all over my stomach. Armie follows suit, my name escaping his lips after a series of grunts. Hearing him cum drives me insane and I need to take deep breaths to compose myself again. Or at least try to.

“Fuck, that definitely wasn´t what I was thinking when I sent you those messages.”

I chuckle, licking my dry lips and still trying to get my breathing back to normal. “Well, I for once am really happy things turned out this way.”

“That makes the two of us.”

There is a few minutes of silence, both of us listening as each other's breathing starts to slow down, get back to normal. Whenever I found myself in silence with someone after sex, it was always awkward, but with Armie it almost made it feel like we were in his room, lying side by side and just basking in the afterglow of this chemistry and bond we created in such a short time.

“I wish we could stay here for the rest of the night, but we both need to be up early tomorrow and I really need another shower.”

I laugh, getting up from the bed as I do so. “Yeah, me too.”

“I´ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have a good night and dream of me, will you?”

“I most certainly will, you don't even have to ask. Good night.”

“Hey, Armie!”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

A moment of silence and then he chuckles. “For what?”

“For the most amazing weekend of my life.”

  
  
  
  



	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée and Mr. Hammer explore more of their still very new relationship and we get a bit more insight on Mr. Hammer´s past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Much. Fluff.

_ When you are in love, time goes by faster.  _ My mom used to tell me and my sister that when we started getting interested in boys, she would sit down with us on our bedroom, put on a smile on her face and say how things seem to be more intense and vivid when we are in a relationship, when we are in love with someone. Throughout many years I started and ended relationships that were short, passionate and important in my life, but I had never really understood what my mom was trying to say, not until now.

My relationship with Armie started out of the blue, from a moment of pure angst to an outburst of sentiments and desire. Until two weeks ago the only way to describe us was by addressing us as teacher and student, now we are a couple, we are slowly figuring out the little things about one another, finding the quirks, the good and the bad, learning how our personalities match and at what point they clash. We have a relationship, one that as my mom used to say, is intense, vivid, passionate and that is making time seem like is going by way too fast.

Is not that I am not enjoying things to the maximum, because I am and I believe so is Armie. It´s way more to do with how it seems like just yesterday I was moaning to Ansel about how he wouldn´t even talk to me and today, I am running late to class because I talked to him on the phone until 3:30 a.m. and totally forgot to set up my alarm. It´s less about not appreciating every single kiss as much as I could, but much more about how I wish every day lasted 48 hours so I could touch him more often.

"Mr. Chalamet, glad you decided to join us this morning."

I bite on my lip as I look over at Armie, who´s standing in front of the guys, arms cross over his chest and a wide smirk plastered on his face. As usual all eyes are on me and secluded by everyone's attention on me, I can easily see him trying to suppress a chuckle. I can see in his eyes how amused he is by this whole situation.

"I´m sorry, Mr. Hammer." I want to drag out his name, speak in a lower voice and make his knees turn into jelly, but since I am aware this would leave the entire class freaking out, I restrain myself and put on a small and innocent smile. "I had some issues to deal with and couldn´t be here on time."

"Put on your shoes and get in line." He is full on Mr. Hammer mode now, his voice is rough, his body language is restrained and his eyes are serious, but I know him enough now to know he is trying to mess with me.

_ Well, maybe today is the day Mr. Hammer will give us a little spanking and make sure we behave. _

I chuckle to myself at the thought as I quickly put on my shoes and rush over to the front line. He has us on two lines today, all of us facing the mirror as he stands there in the middle and gets us started on the last few warming up exercises. I keep letting my eyes run to him, a small smile creeping in everytime his eyes find mine. At first I was a little worried about how it would be to pretend that nothing was going on, pretend that we were still just student and professor, but surprisingly enough things were going easier than expected.

Not only that, the idea of hiding our relationship and yet still be able to be around one another every day, have him touch me every morning even if just for a little second, all that made things a lot more fun than I could have ever expected. 

"Okay, we´re gonna start a new routine today. I will play all first and then we´ll go step by step together, okay?" Silent nods come and he gives us a quickly chuckle. "Paul, can you press play, please?"

Paul is in the end of the line and he rushes to the phone, pressing play before he can run back to his place. The music that starts playing is slow, melodic and extremely dramatic, something that reminds me of a tango.

Armie moves his feet so he´s  _ en pointe _ , his right foot slowly sliding to the side in a semi-circle and his arms in first position. He then moves his left arm up, tilting his head back as he does so. His right arm then straightens out and in a perfect executed transition, he is in third position. The beat of the song turns impossibly slow, almost a whisper and Armie tip toes to his side, a hard look on his face and focused eyes. He spins around once and stops for a second, then does the same thing again and I smile, it almost seems like he is doing things in slow motion and I don´t think I have ever seen anything as beautiful.

Suddenly a loud drum sound comes and Armie crunches forward, his muscles contracting as he falls to his knees and then tilts his head to the right while also throwing his arm in the same direction. I breath heavily, licking my lips as I watch every single step he takes and marvel at the talent and beauty of his movements.

I have yet to see someone dance with as much emotion as he does.

When he gets into his feet again, Armie does an  _ Arabesque _ and then quickly transitions to an  _ Attitude  _ before mastering a perfectly executed  _ Tour en L´air. En pointe _ he gives a few steps to the left, does a  _ Pirouette _ and then slow downs his movements again, telling a story that the song can only do until a certain point. He goes on for another few minutes, dramatically highlighting every single turn the song does and the pain of it. 

I am nearly brought to tears as I watch him.

When the song comes to an end, everyone remains silent. I take a quick look around and see in everyone´s eyes the same expression I am sure I am sporting. Eyes blinking away in a mix of sadness, bliss and astonishment for seeing something so touching and beautiful. I can´t help myself and start clapping, hearing as everyone joins me only a second later.

I can´t help but smile as I watch Armie shake his head. I don´t know if everyone can see it, but his cheeks have turned a slightly pink shade and I am almost certain that is not because of the exercise. He was not expecting this, he is genuinely impressed by our reaction to his dancing.

Armie only looks back up when the clapping stops and I can see he is trying his best to keep himself serious. "Okay, enough with that. We´re gonna do it step by step now, okay? I want you guys to pay good attention to every single step and the beat of the song, this is a very dramatic routine and one step out of time makes the whole thing look weird."

Again, his response comes in silent nods and he furrows his eyebrows as he chuckles slightly. He walks over to the phone and press play, quickly running back to his place as the song starts to take shape and the first beats of it can be heard.

"6,7,8.."

  
  


******

  
  


“Okay class, this is it for the day.”

Armie´s voice comes as soon as the music finishes, my body is heavy and I am sweating buckets. This new routine is not very long, but it's intense and demands a lot of us and our bodies, which leaves everyone breathless and extremely tired.

“You guys did a great job today, I am impressed.” As usual, no one is really used to high praise from Armie, so we remain quiet, some of the guys nodding quickly. “Tomorrow is Friday and as we discussed previously, it's Mark´s turn to perform. Mark, I expect you to be rested and focused tomorrow, while everyone better be here on time.” His eyes turn to me for a quick second and I bite on my lip. “You can go now, have a good day.”

I let out a sigh, rolling my shoulders as I try to relax my muscles and walk over to my bag. I quickly take off my shoes and stuff them in my bag, watching from the corner of my eyes as Ansel walks over to me and throws himself on the ground.

“Tired much?”

“I worked until 8 p.m. yesterday, then had to endure a very long dinner with Olivia´s stuck up friends from her cooking class, when I made it home I forgot I had some things to work on and by the time I made it to bed, it was nearly 2 a.m.” He sighs, shaking his head as he takes his shoes off. “Although, I did make in class in time, so I guess I am still better than you.”

I chuckle. “I forgot to turn my alarm on.”

“Had too much fun with Mr…,” he stops abruptly and looks around, before whispering. “With your boyfriend.”

“Maybe...a little.”

Ansel chuckles and looks through his bag, fishing a t-shirt and putting it on. I drink some water, watching as some of the guys start to walk out of the studio just as Armie´s voice fills the room once again, loud and severe as he always does when he wants to get someone's attention.

“Mr. Chalamet, I wanna talk to you for a moment, so please stay.”

I can feel eyes on me, the usual stare of when someone is called out by Armie. The look we give one another when we know he is gonna lecture us about something we did wrong. I look over at him, his blue eyes stuck on me and I nod my head, holding back a smirk from taking over my face.

“Okay, that's my cue, I am not waiting for you today.”

I chuckle and nod my head at Ansel, who swings his bag over his shoulder and gives me a quick pat on the shoulder. His pace is quick as if he wants to get away from me and Armie as fast as he can, which makes me laugh. Poor boy is probably annoyed of hearing me going on and on about how great it is to be dating Armie.

_ He handled a whole year of your moaning about how much you wanted Mr. Hammer, believe me this is nothing compared to how annoying you were back then. _

I wait a few seconds after Ansel is gone and turn around, a small and innocent smile on my lips, my eyes roaming through Armie´s sweaty body. He has a serious look on his face, arms crossed over his chest as he takes a few steps closer to me.

“Are you gonna punish me for being late for class, Mr. Hammer?”

He breaks down his serious face, laughing loud and shaking his head as I smirk, my hands sliding down his chest and to his waist, pulling him close to me. “Why do I have a feeling you´d actually enjoy that?”

“Because I would?”

Armie chuckles, cradling my face and placing a soft kiss on my lips. “You are amazing, you know that, right?”

“I try my best.” I shrug my shoulders, winking at him as he plays with my hair. “But seriously, are you gonna punish me? I wouldn't be opposed to you bending me over the barre and maybe, you know, giving me a little spanking.”

Armie sucks on his bottom lip, his cheeks and neck turning a bright red, the grip he has on my hair tightening. I can see in his eyes that he actually loves this idea, that he would love to watch me bend over for him and take whatever he wanted to give me. It's amazing to see how the whole things plays out in his mind, his eyes get darker, his breathing gets slightly quicker than normal and then after a few seconds it's as if he gets back to normal. 

I watch him shake his head, lean his forehead against mine and pull on my bottom lip. “You are a fucking tease and I love you or hate you for that.”

I love you.

I love you.

_ He doesn't mean it that way, boy, please don't make things awkward. _

I let my nails sink into his skin and catch his lips in between mine, kissing him passionately as he lets his hands slide down my back. We stumble around a little, chuckling in between kisses until we stop by the window, Armie´s back leaned against it as I press my body against his.

“Can I see you tonight?”

“Don't you ever get enough of me, boy?”

“No, never.” I say with a smile. “Are you tired of me?”

Armie rolls his eyes, places soft kisses on my cheek, my forehead, my eyelids and my nose before placing one last kiss on my lips. “I waited for you for two years, you really think I´d get tired after two weeks?”

“I can be quite annoying.”

“You can be quite amazing.”

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes at him and he chuckles, the wrinkles on the corner of his eyes making me smile. “I mean it, though, can we see each other tonight? Maybe you could stop by my place? None of the guys lives nearby and most of the people in the building don't give a damn about ballet, I am sure no one would give two fucks about you being there and I am sure we…”

“Hey hey, calm down.” I bite on my lip, nodding my head as he smiles down at me, tucking a curl behind my ear. “I would love to go to your place. I´ll even get the dessert.”

“You are the dessert.”

“All this time you only wanted me for my body, I knew it.”

I giggle, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “Oh your body did start all of this, but believe me when I say now it's about so much more.”

“Hey, I never doubted that, I was just kidding.” He lifts my chin, making me look at him and places a kiss on my forehead. “At what time should I be there?”

“I get out of the bookstore at 5 p.m., so around 6 p.m. is okay for me. I´ll cook us something quick, get us some drinks, maybe we can watch a movie. I promise you´ll be on your own bed by midnight, Mr. Hammer, I would hate to mess up your schedule.”

“So thoughtful.”

I shrug. “Yes, I am known for that.”

  
  


*******

  
  


I dry my hair off as I walk out of the bathroom and over to the closet, keeping a towel wrapped around my waist as I look through my clothes for a few seconds. I take a shirt and sweatpants and put them on quickly, throwing the towels to the floor before taking a quick look at myself in the mirror. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to tame the curls a little bit and let out a sigh, through the mirror I can see the clothes scattered on the ground and a mess left from this morning on the kitchen sink.

_ Great, Timothée. _

I shake my head and pick up the towels and the clothes on the ground, throwing everything into the laundry basket. I rush over to the balcony, open the door to let some air in, rearrange the small table and chairs there and then move over to the kitchen, where lies my biggest problem. I not only have to wash the dishes from this morning, I also have to think of something to cook Armie, which for a moment makes me think this whole idea was a big mistake. I should have thought this better, maybe I should have let this for the weekend.

_ But you didn't and he will be here at any moment, so get your ass on the dishes, boy, we got work to do. _

I groan, reach for the sponge and start washing everything. It takes me about ten minutes, but I manage to wash everything, dry the sink and clean the counter. Now the real problem comes, what the hell am I gonna cook him? One quickly look at my fridge and the cupboards let me know I am in serious need of grocery shopping, but lucky enough I got everything I need to make some nice pasta and a pesto sauce. 

Before I even get the pan on the stove, the intercom rings and my heart starts pounding on my chest. I turn on the stove and rush over to the door, answering the intercom before it can buzz again.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it´s me."

His voice sounds low and a bit scared, as if he is afraid someone will show up and see him walking in my apartment. I giggle to myself and tell him to come on in, pressing the button on the intercom and allowing him in. I leave the door ajar and rush back to the kitchen, taking nuts, basil, parmesan and some garlic and lay it all on the counter.

There´s a low and quick knock on the door and I look up, a wide smile coming to my face as I see Armie poking his head inside, looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his. I gesture for him to come in and watch as he opens the door wider, taking a few steps in before he can lock it behind him. He stands there, his eyes looking around the entire place, just like I had done with his apartment almost an entire week ago.

"It´s nothing like yours, but it´s quite nice."

"I think it´s awesome and it definitely matches your personality."

"It does?"

He nods and walks over to me, placing a paper bag on the counter before his hands hold onto my waist. He leans in, placing a soft kiss on my lips and I smile, wrapping my arms around his neck, my fingers playing with his hair.

"How was work?"

"Quiet and a little boring, luckily I have Sarah there with me to make sure I at least have someone to talk to."

"She looks like a nice girl, maybe a bit too enthusiastic sometimes, but a nice girl overall."

"Well she is usually very cool with clients, but she has a crush on you, so..."

"What?"

I nod, getting  _ en pointe _ so I can peck his lips. "You might not notice, which is ridiculous, but you got people lusting for you all over the place."

"Huh, maybe I should pay more attention, maybe I can find someone interesting."

I punch his chest and he chuckles, holding onto my wrists to prevent me from doing it again. I roll my eyes, but lean closer to his body, my lips placing soft kisses on his neck.

"So, what did you bring?" I ask, my eyes wondering to the paper bag on the counter.

"I didn´t know exactly what to buy, so I stopped by this small bakery and brought a few Chocolate Hazelnut croissants."

I lick my lips. "Sounds delicious."

"And what do you got for us?"

"Pasta with pesto. Sounds good to you?"

"Sounds great." I smile and push myself away from him, turning to the counter so I can start working on dinner. "Want some help there?"

"Sure, why don´t you work on the garlic and I will cut some nuts." Armie nods and slides to my side, grabbing a knife and a small bowl. I look up at him as he starts cutting the garlic and smile, still unable to fully understand how I got so damn lucky.

"Why are you looking at me like this?"

I shrug my shoulders and he squints his eyes, making me chuckle. "I´m just happy, that´s all." He nods, bumps his hips on mine and then turns his attention back to the food. 

"I´m happy too, just so you know."

  
  


*******

  
  


When we finished dinner I was practically lying on top of Armie, our lips connected the second the pasta in our plates were gone. We made out there for a while, hands roaming each other´s bodies, fingers curling on each other´s hair, soft moans and giggles, moments of pure bliss that were becoming more and more constant and yet never got boring or common, we always found a way to make things different, interesting.

Once lying on the hard ground became slightly uncomfortable we headed to the kitchen, brewed some coffee, got a hold of the croissants Armie brought and made our way to the balcony. The moon was already high in the sky, the stars shining bright and the little lights I had on the small balcony gave us a cozy and unintentionally romantic vibe.

Armie leaned against the glass wall, one leg stretched out while the other one was bent, serving as prop for my back while I sat in between his legs. We remained quiet most of the time, basking on each other´s presence and scent while savoring the hot coffee and the delicious croissant. From time to time I´d feed him some pieces, licking my lips every time his lips and the tip of his tongue brushed against my fingertips. 

I still have a hard time understanding how you can love someone so much that the tiniest bit of thing they do causes your entire body to respond. Armie started out as my crush, then a little obsession and now, after two weeks of dating, he has become a source of comfort and happiness I never expected to have in life.

"Can I ask you something?"

Armie looks up from his cup of coffee, a smile coming to his lips. "Why is it everytime we are together you start out with your twenty questions game?"

"Because although the idea of getting to know you as the days go by is amazing, there are some little things I actually want to discuss it. So, can I ask?"

Armie leans closer, his finger cleaning some chocolate from the corner of my lips. "You know you can, what is it?"

"I was just wondering about your past relationships, I know it might be a weird topic, sometimes people rather not know about their partner´s life prior to them, but I am not like that. I had a few boyfriends, nothing that lasted much although I really was in love with some of them."

"Same goes for me, I only had one really long relationship. We met at Juilliard when I was your age, we became instant friends and he helped me a lot during my father's illness. After a few months, in a night of drinking we slept together and figured out it had been more than just a simple friendship all along. Connor and I were together for almost five years, the last year and a half we were living together."

I nod my head and take a few sips of my coffee, my eyes locked on Armie. It´s not that I am jealous, but there is something about his eyes, a sadness there that makes me feel a little bit uneasy. Whoever that man was, he meant a lot to him.

"Why did you break up?" I finally ask, biting on my lip as I feel Armie´s hand resting on my thigh.

"I found out he was cheating on me, actually the whole time we were living together he was having an affair." He chuckles, shaking his head and squeezing my thigh. "He talked about getting married, adopting kids and buying a house on the country. He played me well for a while, but eventually it was hard to keep the lie."

I grab Armie´s mug and place it down on the floor along with mine. I climb on top of him, straddling his lap and let my hands rest on his chest, rubbing it softly. His hands rest on my back and he pulls me closer, our foreheads leaning together as I smile softly at him. "He was a jackass, you deserved much more than him. I am sorry you had to go through any of that."

"I am not. Things happen for a reason, I learned a lot with my relationship with Connon, took a lot of good things from it." He smiled at me, his hands moving up to my neck, his fingers playing with my hair. "I had great relationships after it, nothing very lasting, but meaningful."

"What about now?" I bite on my lip and Armie smirks, cradling my face as he leans closer to kiss me passionately. I sigh, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and let my body fall on top of his, deeping our kiss until we are completely breathless.

"Now I´m wondering how the hell was I able to resist you for two whole years." I chuckle, rolling my eyes as Armie rubs my cheeks. "I´m not even joking, Timothée. Being with you has been one of the greatest things to happen to me lately, and I am hoping this will last for a long, long time."

I kiss him once again, knotting my fingers on his hair, pulling on it slightly. Armie lets out a low moan, his body completely pressed against mine as our tongues dance together. I grind myself against him, my lips quivering as I feel Armie´s lips on my neck, sucking hard on it and giving me goosebumps.

"What you say we move this back inside? We still have some time for ourselves and I think that bed of yours is much more comfortable than the floor."

"Whatever you want, Mr. Hammer." He smirks and gets up, pulling me with him. His hands rest on my waist and then slid down to my ass, pulling me up and making me wrap my legs around his hips. 

I wrap my arms around his neck and lock our lips together once again while Armie walks back inside the apartment, closing the balcony door behind him before walking to the bed. He pulls me down on the bed, crawls over me and pulls my t-shirt off of me, kissing my stomach and my chest. I close my eyes, letting out a contentment sigh and let my fingers knot on his blond hair, all the while keeping a wide smile on my lips.

It´s hard to imagine a life better than this.

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Sarah´s birthday and while partying on a club, Timothée has a little surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you follow me on tumblr you know I said there was a lot of fluff in this fic and I meant it, so have more fluff and some smut too, because I love that.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…”

I chuckle as Sarah rolls her eyes and furrows her nose as I engulf her in a big and tight hug. She keeps herself quiet, listening as I finish singing before placing a wet and audible kiss on her cheek. If there is one thing Sarah is not very fond of is public displays of affection.

"How does it feel to get older, grandma?"

"Ha ha ha, always so charming and funny." I chuckle and hop on the counter. The bookstore is completely empty, just the two of us are here and I am well aware that Fridays are not exactly are most crowded days, so the chance of a customer coming in and finding me like this is practically zero. "But thank you for remembering."

"I never forget my friend´s birthdays, Sarah." She nods and I nudge her with my foot until she sits down beside me. "How are you celebrating?"

"The only way possible, I am going to this new club in Brooklyn, I´m gonna put on my best dress, drink some nice cocktails and hopefully get myself a nice guy."

"Oh, I like the way you think, girl."

She shrugs, turning to look at me. "You are coming, right? I texted Olivia and she is coming with Ansel, so you have to be there, I don´t care if it´s Friday. Call Mr. Hammer, tell him is your best friend´s birthday and you need to be there, he will understand."

I bite on my lip, contemplating what to do. Sure, I would love to party with Sarah, Ansel and Olivia and one night without class would not kill me. But then there´s the fact that night classes have become much more than just that, it´s a moment where Armie and I are alone and doing what we love the most. I cherish those classes more than anything.

"Tim?"

"Yes I will go, I don´t think he will be mad if I cancel one class."

"Of course he won´t. You never miss those classes, even though you two have not been in a very good place." I nod my head, keeping myself quiet so I won´t say anything I could regret later on. "By the way, you have been very quiet about Mr. Hammer and your current situation with him. I know you got yourself some nice ass, which is why you always have that smile on your face, but it seems like you completely forgot about him."

Oh shit.

_ Time to get your lying game on, boy. _

"I just figured that it was better to do exactly what he said we should do, pretend that kiss never happened and move on with my life. It was silly of me to think, even for a second, that anything could happen between the two of us. He is my professor, he doesn´t see me that way."

_ Wow, you could actually win an Oscar for that. _

Sarah keeps her eyes on me for a second and I briefly think she didn´t buy anything of what I just said, but when I see her nod her head, I have to control a sigh of relief from escaping me. 

"Poor boy, that´s why you went out to get yourself someone else? Try to forget Mr. Hammer?"

"I don´t have anyone, Sarah. Okay, I might have had a few one night stands, but that´s just it. I just chose to keep myself positive and focused on my main goal, which is Juilliard at the end of the year." Well, at least that part wasn´t a lie. "But, it´s your birthday and you have a nice party at a fancy Brooklyn club tonight, I think we have better things to discuss than my relationship with my ballet teacher."

"You do have a point and maybe you could help me with something." 

"With what?"

"Picking a dress. I took a few pictures earlier today so I could send to a friend of mine, but she hasn´t answered me yet, so I want your advice."

I rolls my eyes. "Sure, because that´s what the gay friend is good for."

"So you don´t wanna see it?" Her arms are crossed on her chest, her eyebrow arched and her lips in a pout. I stare at her for a second and then sigh, nodding my head as she rolls her eyes. "I don´t know why you even try to pretend you don´t like this kind of things, Timmy, I know you better than this."

"Yeah yeah yeah, just show me the damn thing."

  
  


*******

  
  


Armie´s voice fills my ear the moment I lock the door to my apartment. I smile, his raspy and low voice on my ear always making me feel good and comfortable. "Hey, I hope I am not interrupting you."

"You never interrupt, Timothée. I just finished class, was going to head into the shower and then grab something to eat before our class."

"Yeah, about that. I know how important these classes are, and you know how much I cherish them and appreciate all you´ve been doing to help me out, but..." I stop as I hear Armie start to laugh; I bite on my lip, furrowing my eyebrows and letting my eyes wander around the apartment as I wait for him to stop. "What? Why are you laughing?"

"Is this your way of trying to get yourself off of class tonight?"

"Maybe."

"Than why don´t you go straight to the point, Timmy?"

I giggle, lying down on my bed and staring up at the ceiling. "Today is Sarah´s birthday and she invited us to go to this club in Brooklyn, now I know class is important, but it´s been a while since I went out with them and you said yourself that I should know when to stop practice and enjoy life."

"Mr. Hammer says you can miss tonight´s class. Armie, the boyfriend, is slightly disappointed he won´t be seeing you tonight."

"Maybe I can stop by your place once I leave the club, I know I miss waking up to your face."

I can hear him chuckle and the sound makes me smile. "I´ll see you later tonight then, hope you have fun and tell Sarah I said happy birthday."

"Can´t do that, Mr. Hammer, but will make sure I hug her for both me and you."

"Okay, you do that. Text me when you are leaving the club, I´ll tell the doorman to let you in without ringing."

"I´ll miss you."

"You´ll still be seeing me tonight, but I promise you to make it up to you once you get here."

I lick my lips and close my eye. "Now I can´t wait for it."

  
  


********

 

Sarah chose a small new club in Brooklyn to celebrate her birthday, the place had dark walls and a lot of wood furniture spread around, mixed with neon signs and all those modern kinds of lights all hipsters like to have around them. She managed to get us a little cozy corner with a large round couch and some fancy chairs, the perfect place for all the countless pictures she was taking of us and herself. Truth was she was having the time of her life, singing from the top of her lungs, dancing like there was no tomorrow and tasting all the different kinds of drinks she could.

Ansel, Olivia and I were a bit more quiet than the rest of the people, although we were having a lot of fun. Ansel was drinking his usual beer, Olivia had a Sex on the Beach and I -although aware this wasn´t exactly a good idea- was alternating between some cocktails I had never tasted before. I wasn´t drunk, the chicken wings Ansel ordered made sure I had enough fat inside of me to keep me sober, but I had to admit that there were moments I felt myself getting a bit lightheaded.

Sarah throws herself on my side, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and smiles wide at me, making me chuckle. "I am so happy you made it, and so so happy that Mr. Hammer was okay with you missing class."

"He can be a very reasonable guy."

"But where is your boyfriend? I thought you were gonna bring him too."

Olivia arches an eyebrow, holding onto my left wrist as Sarah squeezes herself closer to me. "Boyfriend?" She shouts over the loud music, looking from me to Ansel. "You have a boyfriend and didn´t tell me anything about it?"

"Sarah is completely drunk and should not be trusted, Olivia." She keeps her eyes on me, her eyebrows furrowing as Ansel chuckles behind her, aware she won´t let go of the subject until I actually give her a reasonable answer. "I told her I have had a few night stands lately and now she thinks I am dating someone, seriously don´t listen to anything she is saying."

"He is trying to forget Mr. Hammer, so he got himself a few rebounds, that´s the tea."

Ansel is cracking up behind Olivia and I can only sigh and hope this conversation doesn´t end up going the wrong direction. I look over at Sarah, a small smile on my face and give her a glass of water that Olivia had grabbed for herself a few minutes ago. "Drink this, it will be good for you." I then turn back to Olivia, her eyes still locked on me. "I am not getting any rebounds, I am just trying to move on from something that will never happen. Sarah is no condition to say anything that makes sense right now, Olivia, you really gonna pay attention to her?"

She turns back to Ansel, who shrugs his shoulders. "As far as I am concerned our boy is just as single as he was a few days ago, so don´t even try to get anything out of me, babe."

"Okay." I sigh, relieved she is letting go of the conversation. "So, since you are trying to move on, maybe we should take a look around, I am sure we can find yourself a very nice guy, someone for you to take home later."

"I think I found one."

We both turn to Ansel, eyebrows arched as he snaps out of his trance and looks to us, putting on a smile that even Sarah could tell it was fake. He shakes his head, gesturing towards the dance floor and makes up a excuse about a guy that was looking at me, which Olivia doesn´t give much thought into it, since Sarah grabs her hand and drags her to the bathroom. I watch as they walk away and turn my attention back to Ansel, who motions over to the bar.

I look around for a few seconds, trying to figure out what the hell he is talking about when suddenly my eyes land on Armie. He is sitting on the bar, talking to the bartender, who clearly has the heart eyes for him and is being all sweet and caring. He is wearing a striped black and white shirt, his hair is a bit messy and for a moment I feel like I am having a deja vu, the images of this moment here and the night I first saw him in a bar kind of overlapping.

"What is he doing here?" Ansel is talking on my ear, trying to be heard over the music and at the same time make sure no one else knows what the hell we are talking about. "I thought you said he was staying home tonight."

"That´s exactly what he told me."

The tone in my voice must have been enough for Ansel to notice my jealousy was starting to show up, because in a matter of second he pats my shoulder and turns me to look at him. "Don´t do this, Timothée."

"Do what?"

"Get all jealous and start imagining things, go over there and talk to him."

"In a public place? No one is supposed to see us, Ansel."

"You both run into each other in a bar, that has happened before, no one is gonna think you are banging just because they see you talking." I bite on my lip and he rolls his eyes. "Fine, you don´t wanna talk to him then don´t do it, but I don't wanna listen to you moaning about how he lied to you."

I keep staring at him for a while and then get up, rubbing my hands up and down my legs in nervousness before making my way through the crowded dance floor and over to the bar. I lean against the counter, a smile on my lips as I ask the bartender for a water and then bump my shoulder with Armie, watching as he looks down at me.

"I thought you were staying home tonight."

He smirks and in his eyes I can tell he knows exactly what I am thinking. "I was going to stay home, but then my friend Jack called saying he was in town and asked if I wanted to get some drinks. Since you were celebrating Sarah´s birthday, I figured I would spend some time with him and then head back to the apartment to wait for you."

I keep my eyes on him, looking away only when the bartender hands me a bottle of water. I take a few sips of it and hear Armie chuckle, shaking his head before he leans on the counter too, our faces a lot closer now.

"Did you actually think I was playing you? That I said it was okay to cancel class because I wanted to hit the bars and get wasted, hook up with someone else?"

"No, of course..." I sigh, scratching my forehead as he remains quiet. "I am sorry, okay? I was just surprised to see you here, I am not usually like this, I promise you I won´t be the annoying boyfriend who gets jealous over silly things and completely ignores your right to go out with your friends and have fun."

"You are rambling."

"You should be used to it by now."

He shrugs, his fingers brushing against my shirt, pulling on it slightly and making me smile from the corner of my lips. "I sent you a message, I told you I was going out but you were probably here already."

"I am sorry, okay? I really am."

"It´s okay, Tim, don´t worry."

"No it´s not okay, I saw you here and immediately started imagining all these silly things and it´s not..." He pulls me a bit closer and I bite on my lip, our bodies merely an inch away from one another.

"I would never do anything to hurt you, okay? I am not that kind of person and you have nothing to worry about, just as I know there is nothing for me to worry about. Now why don´t you go back to your friends, get some drink and maybe dance a little bit.”

"Dance? Do you want me to put on a show for you, Mr. Hammer?"

"I would love."

I lick my lips and he mirrors me, his blue eyes locked on me as if he is undressing me and I can´t help but feel a little shiver go down my spine. I smile at him, grab my bottle of water and walk back to my little corner of the club, a wide smile on my lips as I slid on the couch beside Ansel.

"So?"

"He is here with a friend who´s visiting."

Ansel nods. “And I suppose before you knew about this you made sure to master the whole jealous boyfriend look, didn't you?”

"Just a little bit.”

“And how did he react?”

“As always, he was the amazing person he is and didn't give much thought to it.”

“Lucky you.”

I nod and get when I see Sarah and Olivia walk over to us, I take their hands and pull them with me to the dance floor, standing the closer to where Armie and his friend are as possible. The DJ changes the music to Starboy by The Weeknd, one of Olivia´s favorite, and we start moving our bodies, dancing to the beat of the song and singing from the top of our lungs. I try to be subtle, not let the girls notice, but my eyes keep on wandering to Armie, who is leaned against the brick wall, beer in hand and a smirk on his face as he watches me.

I have a feeling our night together tonight is gonna be quite amazing.

  
  


*******

 

It was 2:00 a.m. when I left the bar, getting inside my Uber and heading back to SoHo, while texting Armie to let him know that I was already on my way to his apartment. The night had turned out to be a lot more interesting than I had predicted and dancing around to show off to Armie had left me a little extra horny. I bounced my leg up and down during the entire car ride, fidgeting with my phone in my hands and biting on my nails, completely desperate to be with Armie, this time with him all to myself.

The car stops in front of his building around 2:30 a.m. and I practically jump out of it, not even saying goodnight to the driver. I make it to the front gate and the doorman lets me in, pointing over to the elevator as I give him a small smile and nod my head. I tuck my hands inside my pockets once I am inside the elevator, tapping on the floor as I wait for the doors to open once again and I am face to face with Armie´s sliding door. The door is wide open and the moment I step inside the apartment I am face to face with a completely naked Armie, who is looking at me with a wide smirk on his face.

I chuckle as I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his neck, feeling his hands pull me closer to his body. "You are quite bold to walk around the apartment completely naked when the door is open."

"It´s almost 3 a.m. and half of the people in this building only show up during their vacations, so believe me, I am not even a bit worried."

"Well, can´t say I didn´t enjoy the reception." My hands travel down his chest, feeling every single inch of his skin until it lands on his cock, which I stroke slowly, watching as Armie closes his eyes and lets out a sigh. "Maybe we should head upstairs, I feel like making it up to you for even thinking you lied to me."

"How exactly do you plan on making it up to me, Chalamet?"

"Lets get upstairs and I will show you." I pull on his bottom lip, squeezing his cock and he moans, his hand sliding down to my ass and pinching it.

Armie takes my hand in his and leads me up the stairs, taking my shirt off the moment we make it to the last step. He works on my jeans, pulling them down quickly and I toss them to the side, smiling as I watch him look me up and down, a proud smile on his lips as he realizes I just ditched my boxers for the night.

I pull him closer, kissing him fiercely, my hand back to his cock, stroking it until Armie is moaning repeatedly. I lead him to the bed and push him down, making him sit on the edge as I fall down to my knees in front of him, hands on his thighs, rubbing it softly and feeling his muscles clench. I keep my eyes on him, my tongue tracing the whole length of his cock, tasting the precum at the head and my nose taking in his masculine scent. My own cock twitches as I wrap my lips around Armie´s, slowly moving down and then back up, my tongue swirling around the head. 

I keep it slowly at first, hearing Armie´s moans increase its volume, feeling his legs tremble from time to time. I then close my eyes, focusing all of my attention on him and taking more and more of his thick cock inside my mouth each time I go down. It doesn´t take long for Armie to get a hold of my hair, adding more pressure into my movements and making me go further down.

Armie is always so soft and sweet to me, whenever I get to see or experience his more dominant side, a fire consumes me and I can´t help but crave for more. I suck him harder, feeling his cock hit the back of my throat, feeling my saliva run down his shalft and to his balls, which I am now playing with, rolling them on my hand, pulling and squeezing it. The sounds that come from Armie are like a symphony to me and I let a hand wrap around my own cock, stroking myself as I try my best to make him cum.

I hear him moan my name loud and open my eyes to see him fall back on the bed, his grip on my hair tightening a little bit and I smile to myself. I take his cock out my mouth, wrapping my hand around the base as tight as I can and stroke him hard and fast, teasing his slit and smirking everytime he arches his back. He grunts, groans and grabs a fistful of the dark sheets, his eyes meeting mine as I suck on his sensitive head until he starts coming on my mouth, which I gladly swallow.

"Fuck...fuck...fuck..." he says in between short breaths as I climb on top of him, leaving wet and sticky kisses all over his stomach and chest. I hover on top of him and he runs his thumb all over my red lips, shaking his head as a wide smile comes to his face. 

"Ready for more, Mr. Hammer?"

"Oh I definitely am, how about you boy? What you say I do something about you being late for class yesterday and doubting me tonight?"

I feel my cheeks burn and my cock throb just thinking of what that might imply. "What are you gonna do with me, Mr. Hammer?"

He rolls us over, pinning my hands above my head and I chew on my bottom lip, my whole body ready for whatever he wants to give me. "Oh I have some ideas and I am sure you´ll like it."

  
  
  
  
  
  



	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic bliss, fluff and some hidding in plain sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep enjoying the fluff because it won´t last forever ;)

I got my face buried on the pillows, arms and legs stretched out on the bed, naked body clinging onto the messy sheets as I try my best to get back to sleep. I groan at myself, my hand moving around the bed as I try to get a hold of Armie, but I quickly realize he is not there. I raise my head, my eyes flickering open, trying to adjust themselves to the sunlight that comes in through the curtains and take a quick look around the bedroom; his clothes are lying on the ground, his phone is nowhere to be seen but there is a small post-it glued onto his pillow, which makes me chuckle.

 

**_Couldn´t get back to sleep, so decided to go for a run._ **

**_I will be back soon, don´t worry._ **

**_Mr. Hammer_ **

 

I turn around on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and laugh at him for signing Mr. Hammer. At first I actually thought this was the first thing we would get rid of the moment we started going out, but it was actually the complete opposite, now this has become kind of our thing and I love it.

I take one long breath, trying to build up the courage to get up and actually do something. I sit down, reach for my jeans on the floor and stuff the post-it in the front pocket, making sure I won´t lose it. It might sound silly to keep something like this, but I always thought relationships are based on these small things and moments that makes us feel like no one else has. I´ll try to save those moments with me as much as I can.

I fish for my boxers, put them on and grab my phone before I lazily make my way down the stairs and over to the kitchen. I sit down in a stool, scrolling through some new messages and checking my social media; nothing new, nothing important and nothing to keep me occupied as I wait for Armie to come back home.

I spin around on the stool, my eyes wandering around the entire kitchen for a moment before I hop ofl. I go through my playlists and put some music on before heading to the fridge, taking some eggs, milk and butter and laying it down on the counter. I look through the shelves and grab some pans, bowls, coffee and chocolate chips; I reach for a spoon on the drawer and get to work, mixing some things in the bowl.

I spin around the kitchen, dancing along to the music as I get the pancake mix ready and then move to get some coffee done. While I wait for the water to boil, I scramble some eggs and fry some bacon, always keeping a close eye on everything so it burn. I start working on the pancakes, singing and dancing along and I barely notice time passing by. I barely finish setting up the counter with the dishes when the door slides open and Armie shows up. He leans against the threshold, arms crossed and a smile on his lips as he stares at me; he is sweaty, his arms shining and his hair disheveled, which is a look I love on him.

I smile wide at him, pour some coffee in a mug and hand to him as he sits down across from me. "Good morning, handsome."

"Good morning, I see someone made himself at home."

“What else was I supposed to do? You left me here all alone, I had to find something to do with my free time.”

Armie smiles, leaning on the counter so he can get closer to me. He grabs my chin, rubs his thumb on my lower lip and then pecks my lips quickly.

“There's nothing I like more than seeing you here, feeling comfortable with the place and dancing on your boxers while you cook us breakfast, so if you want to keep on doing this every time you find yourself alone, I am here for it.”

I wink at him, kiss him one more time and then sit down on the stool, pushing a plate over to him and watching as he takes a few bites of his eggs. I arch an eyebrow, waiting for him to say something but he keeps himself quiet, head down and the fork moving around on the plate.

“Are you fucking serious?”

He chuckles and looks up. “It's amazing, Timmy.” I smile proudly and he winks at me before taking a few more bites. “What are your plans for today?”

“I was supposed to have lunch with Ansel and Olivia, but he texted me earlier and said Olivia is facing a massive hangover, so I guess I have the day off. Do you have any plans?”

“Not until tonight. Jack goes back to California tomorrow afternoon, so we planned on going out for dinner and a couple of drinks.”

I nod, tapping my fingers on the counter. “That means we have the day for ourselves, which means we could watch a movie, listen to some music…and maybe you could help me out in some things I have planned for my presentation next Friday.”

“Sounds great to me, babe.” He takes a few more bites of his food, quickly devouring everything on his plate and I can't help but stare. I really should stop being amused by everything he does.

_ Yes, you really should. _

I drink the remains on my coffee and watch as Armie gets up, taking our plates and placing it on the sink. He then spins me around on the stool, trapping me in between his muscular arms and leans his face close to mine. He has a smile on his face, his little fangs showing, the tip of his tongue teasing me and the erotic scent that emanates from him, a mix of his own scent and sweat, makes me want to jump on him.

“We started the day with a nice breakfast, what you say we head to the shower now? I could use some help soaping my back.”

“Oh really? Why didn't you say before, I will gladly help you, Mr. Hammer.”

“Great.” he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, his hand slapping my ass as a little squeal escapes me.

“Careful, Mr. Hammer, you left quite an impression on those cheeks yesterday.”

I can almost feel the smirk that I know it's on his face right now. “In this case, maybe I should be the one helping you shower.”

“Be my guest.”

  
  


********

  
  


Armie is lying on his stomach on the bed, his half naked body sprawled underneath me as I sit on his thighs, my hands massaging his back, shoulders and neck. My fingers slid over to his left shoulder, circling the birthmark there with a smile on my lips. He also has a scar on his lower back, close to his hip, and for some reason I find it mesmerizing to look at.

I lie down on top of him, my bare chest pressed against his back and my lips sucking on the nape of his neck. I push some hair to the side, placing soft kisses until I reach his ear and take a bite, smirking as I hear Armie hiss.

"What´s up with that scar on your lower back?"

He chuckles, reaching out with his hand to hold onto my legs. "It was a little skate incident. I was with my friends and we started to compete on who could perform the best trick, as you can see it, I didn´t win."

I roll over to the bed, lying on my back as Armie moves closer and buries his face on my neck, his nose rubbing against the skin and making me giggle. I run my fingers through his hair while my other hand finds his and we intertwine our fingers together. I close my eyes, letting out a sigh and allowing one goofy ass smile to take me over.

"You´ve talked quite a lot about your friends, but what about your sister? Are you two close?"

Armie gives a quick nod, kissing my neck before he leans his head against my chest. "She´s a little older than you, so we were not exactly the best of friends when I was a teenager, but after a while we started to work our way to a good relationship. She loves fashion, so after she was done with college here she decided to move to London, she got a masters degree in economics and built her own store there. She comes here as much as she can, but lately she is always traveling. She called me the other day and she was in Germany, then she would fly over to Italy...." He chuckles and I can hear how proud he is. "She is living her best life in Europe."

"My sister lives in Paris and she loves life there, she keeps on asking me to move there and join her."

"And why don´t you?"

I open my eyes, looking down at Armie and letting out a sigh. "Because as much as I´d love to be close to her or experience the european lifestyle, I can´t see myself living anywhere else in the world. New York is where I belong, Armie."

"And what happens if Juilliard grants you a place in Bolshoi or Stuttgart? Wouldn´t you go?" He looks up to me, a calm but serious look on his face that kind of scares me a little bit. I guess he can notice it, because he smiles and sits down on the bed, pulling me with him. "I´m just wondering what you would do if you got the call, no need to get worried or anything, Timmy. If I am asking this is because I believe in you enough to know that it is a very possible thing to happen, not because I want to get rid of you or anything."

How does he know exactly what I am thinking?

_ Maybe because your face says more than you can imagine. _

"Okay, I don´t know what that voice inside your head is saying, but don´t listen to it."

I chuckle, shaking my head and move a bit closer to him, resting my hands on his thighs. "I don´t really think much about any of this, you know? Of course I want to be successful and have the opportunity to work with what I love the most, but by now you know I have a tendency to overthink things and I feel that if I do that with ballet, I will go crazy."

"You are a smart kid, when the opportunity comes you will know what to do, so don´t worry."

I want to say something else, but Armie´s lips finds mine before I can even try. He cradles my face and lies me down again, this time with him hovering on top of me, our groins pressed together and our legs tangled. I pull on his lip, my hand sliding down his back and pulling him even closer to me, moaning as his tongue finds mine.

It takes only a few seconds of this for me to completely forget about what I wanted to talk about.

  
  


******

 

“Hey, would you like being photographed while you perform something?”

Armie´s voice thunders in the quiet apartment and I quickly look up from my phone, furrowing my eyebrows as I look at him, who´s upstairs, leaned against the rail.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Armie? I am not really into shooting a porn.”

“What?!” He arches an eyebrow and then shakes his head, letting out a loud laugh. “That's not what I meant. I was actually wondering how you would feel to be photographed while you dance, not while you are blowing me.” He then stops for a moment, a mischievous smile on his face. “Although that idea isn´t that bad either.”

I shot him a glare and he smirks. “What are you talking about exactly?”

“Remember Jack?”

“Your photographer friend, the cute guy that was with you at the bar yesterday.”

“Cute?” I shrug and he rolls his eyes, walking down the stairs as I sit up on the couch. “Anyway, he is working on a project where he goes around the country photographing male dancers. He was supposed to take this photos with a ballet dancer tonight, but the guy had some problems and can't make it.”

“And now you want me to do it?”

He shrugs and sits down on the coffee table across from me. “He asked if I could help him out, if there was anyone I knew that would be willing to do it and I thought of you.”

“I don't know, Armie, I have never done anything like this before.”

“I understand if you are a bit apprehensive about it, I was too the first time he photographed me, but it is not that difficult actually.” I bite on my lip and he gives me a reassuring smile, his hands rubbing on my thighs. “Look, all you gotta do is dance and he will do his job, maybe he will get you to repeat a thing or two, but normally it goes by so smoothly you don't even notice the camera. You can say no, though, I just thought I should ask you before going for anyone else.”

“Wouldn't it be weird, though? Of all the people in the business you know, why would you call one of your students?”

“And who says I won't suggest another one of my students if you say no? I think it's a great opportunity for people who still haven't got a breakthrough.” I nod, still a little unsure of this. “But if your concern is because of what Jack will think, then you can relax because he knows about us.”

“What?”

“He knows about us before there was even an us, Timothée, he's been aware of the whole situation ever since I realized my feelings for you.”

“Well, that's brand new information.”

He chuckles and I lick my lips, thinking about what he said, of how great would it would be to have my photo on a book or exhibition and suddenly I can't really contain the smile that comes to my face. Armie arches an eyebrow, his lips mirroring mine in a smile as he pulls me closer.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, but I gotta stop by my place and grab my clothes and shoes.”

“He is expecting us in an hour, so you have time.”

“And where exactly is this photo shoot gonna be?”

“Not sure, somewhere near Brooklyn Bridge.”

 

******

 

I need to admit that doing this is way harder than I had expected. Getting focused on my routine is a little more challenging when there is a man standing just a few feet away from me, with a camera on his hands and trying to capture the best fragments of something I am doing completely out of the blue.

I had people filming or snapping pictures of me while dancing only when I was in presentation on my last school, but whenever that happened, there were at least other four people with me on a stage and the lights were so bright I could barely notice. This, this is something completely different.

For starters there is only the three of us and the only lights are the ones from the street, mainly because Jack´s idea is to do things in the most organic way possible. We are settled in a little green area near Brooklyn Bridge, a place not many people walk by, but that has the perfect view of the bridge and a great skyline of Manhattan. The song he has chosen was one of Bach´s most famous ones, something sweet, melodic and that luckily I had danced before, so I knew from the start how it went and which kinds of steps worked best.

Armie is standing behind Jack, arms crossed over his amazingly tight black shirt, eyes focused on me and a proud smile on his face. Him and Jack share a few words from time to time, Armie usually nodding at whatever Jack will tell him. There are moments he will nod at me, encouraging me to keep on going. As if he really needed to do anything, just to have him here is enough. Just the thought that he was the one to choose me for this is enough to get me to do my best. 

“Okay, Timothée, I guess this is it.”

I finish the movement with a plie, bringing my arms down and letting out a breath. “You think you got it? I can go again if you feel like anything needs improvement or if you want to take a few more shots…”

Jack chuckles, shaking his head as Armie bites on his lip. “I got more than needed, actually. You are amazing and the camera seems to love you, which is great for me, because I got some spectacular photos.”

“Why don't you come see it?” Armie stands his hand out and I rush over to them. He takes my hand in his and pushes me close, wrapping an arm around my waist and looking over my shoulder as we both look through the photos in Jack´s camera.

“Wow, they look amazing, Jack.”

“I barely did anything here, Timothée, is all you.”

“I really like this one.” Armie points to the camera, a photo of me in the middle of preparation for a Tour en L´air, my feet just leaving the ground and my arms pressed against my chest. On the background, the Brooklyn Bridge and its twinkling lights give the whole photo such a beautiful lightening that I can barely talk about it. I never thought I would like this experience so much. “You look beautiful.”

I look up at Armie with a smile. I can feel my cheeks burning and he chuckles, leaning in to place a kiss on my lips. It's a quick kiss, but the grip he has on me is comforting and makes me feel cozy, loved and taken care of.

“What the two love birds think about going to get some drinks?”

Armie looks at me and I quickly nod my head. Right now I don't give a damn about being seen with him in a public place, I don't care if anyone we know might see us, I just want to have a proper night out with him.

“We´re in.”

 

******

 

We´re in a tiny bar in one of the most crowded streets of Brooklyn, brick walls all around us and a guy playing some old songs on the small stage. Armie and I are sitting side by side, his hand resting on my thigh under the table, rubbing and squeezing it from time to time.

“Here you go.” Jack places three beers on the table as he sits down across from us.

“So, Jack, are you ready to tell me some embarrassing stories about Armie?”

He chuckles, nodding his head as Armie groans. “Oh, I got loads of these stories. Has he ever told you about the day he peed his pants during class?”

“He did what?!”

“Are you fucking serious?”

Jack laughs, his face turning a bit red as he locks eyes with me. “We were sixteen, we were messing around with some other friends in the back of the class, one of our friends was talking about this date he had gone in, which went terribly wrong and Armie could not stop laughing. And I mean red face, tears in his eyes, holding his stomach and everything. I remember looking at him and realizing things had gone bad, it was like he had stopped breathing for a second and when I looked down, I saw the stain getting big on his jeans. He got up and just stormed out of class, trying his best to hide it, but everyone could see the stain. It was one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen.”

I cover my mouth, feeling tears come to my eyes as I laugh. I look over at Armie, who is shooting a death glare over at Jack, and hold onto his shoulder, squeezing it softly. “Why...why didn't you tell me this?”

“Why on earth would I tell you this story, Timmy?”

I lean my forehead on his shoulder, trying my best to stop laughing. I take a few deep breaths, dry my tears and then look up again, biting my lip as Armie glares at me. “I am sorry.”

“Oh, I got a lot more of embarrassing stories about this guy, one time he…”

“No no no.” I move back as Armie practically jumps over the table and covers Jack´s mouth with his hand, a serious look on his face. God, I am loving every single second of this. “One embarrassing story is enough for the night, leave whatever you thought of for next time.”

Jack sighs and nods his head. It takes Armie a few more seconds until he sits back on the chair, shaking his head and reaching for his beer. I giggle, bumping my shoulder with his and he looks at me with a half smile. I give him a quick wink and then reach for my beer too, turning to take a look at the musician, who just started playing Duran Duran´s Come Undone.

“Your song.” I turn to Jack confused and he points over to Armie. “Armie always loved Duran Duran, so he once asked one of our friends to work on a string chord version of this song and being the show off he is, he performed that on our art school summer festival. Pretty sure is what got him into Juilliard.”

“Why are you keeping this things away from me?”

“I am not keeping it away from you, babe, I just didn't find the time to talk about it.”

“You didn't find time to talk about ballet with me?”

He nods, pulling me closer by my shirt. “Too busy kissing you.”

I roll my eyes, but smile as he leans in and places a quick kiss on my lips. He then turns back to the stage, watching as the man reaches the bridge of the song and intertwines his fingers with mine, our hands resting on his thigh. I smile to myself, still unsure of what I did to deserve so much happiness.

  
  
  
  



	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three little words.

The moment the elevator door closes, Armie has me trapped against the wall, his huge body in front of me, hands resting on each side of my face and blue eyes staring down at me with passion and hunger. Judging by the way my body is burning, how my knees have gone weak and how my mouth is salivating in anticipation for his kiss, I can only assume my eyes are exactly the same as his.

He leans a bit closer, nose brushing against mine for a brief second and then moving to my neck, where he breathes me in. I tilt my head back, exposing myself to him and licking my lips as his tongue drags all the way from the crook of my neck to the back of my ear. He nibbles on it and my hands instantly grab onto his shirt, pulling him closer and smashing our bodies together. We both moan, his hand finds my neck and wraps around it, all the while his lips move around my face, slowly and sensually until he reaches my lips.

We stare at one another for a second, both of us already breathing heavily, our lips quivering as we ache for one another. He kisses me hard, desperately and almost painfully. Our tongues dance together, our teeth bite and pull on each other's lips, we devour one another with famish desire, one I had yet to experience with anyone I had ever been with. The elevator bips and Armie´s hands hold onto the back of my thighs, he pulls me up and I tightly wrap my legs around his hips.

We don't pull away as he takes just a few steps from the elevator to his front door, but have to when he moves a hand to his back pocket, fumbling around until he gets a hold of his keys. Armie presses me against the wall while he unlocks the door and I take advantage of that to latch myself on his neck, sucking and biting on the tender flesh, leaving a red mark on it that will soon turn dark. He slides the door open and I jump off of him, walking in and removing my shirt as I do so. I toss it to the ground and unbutton my jeans as I watch Armie lock the door behind him.

He throws the bag with my spare clothes to the side, his hungry eyes on me as he walks over, removing his shirt. My back hits the kitchen counter and I take a hold of it, breathing heavily as Armie closes the gap between the two of us and brings our lips together yet once again. My fingers run up his arms, his neck and find home on his hair, tugging on the golden strands until he moans between my lips.

Armie squeezes my ass, all the while pressing our hard cocks together, which makes us both shiver. I allow one hand to slid down to his chest, fingers playing with his chest hair and his nipples. He bites on my lip and pulls it, hands now on my pants, pushing them down my legs as best as he can. Armie kisses down my neck, my shoulder blades and then my chest; his eyes are locked on mine as his tongue swirls around my nipple before he nibbles on it. I throw my head back, holding onto the counter for dear life as a low moan escapes me.

Suddenly he is on his knees and I watch him pull my pants down the rest of the way. I raise one foot and then the other, helping him get them out of the way and chuckle as he throws it away. His hand is warm around my cock and he teases my slit with his wet tongue, working me over until I am moaning low and repeatedly. When my cock enters his mouth I feel like air has been knocked out of me, his lips are tight around me, the sucking motion he does is superb and when he has just the tip inside, he lets his tongue trace the sensitive head, tasting my precum and making me legs feel like fucking jelly.

“Turn around.”

His voice comes hoarse and low, barely a whisper. I look down at him and he is stroking my thighs, his lips swollen, his cheeks a bright pink. His cock is still confined in his skinny jeans and I can see is begging for attention, desperate to be released.

“Turn around.”

This time I don't think much about it, I simply do and oh what a joy it is when he grabs onto my ass cheeks, parts them away and lets his tongue run across my hole. I open my legs wider, bite down hard on lip and lean my chest against the cold counter. Armie explores me with his tongue slowly, paying attention to every single corner and poking in and out from time to time. I shudder, cuss, slam my fist against the counter, arch my back and cry out in pure ecstasy.

_ Could he please set camp there and never leave? _

I moan loud, nodding to myself in one of the very rare times I actually agree with this annoying voice. Armie keeps on going, his speed alternating from slow to fast, my moans increasing its volume each second and my cock leaking precum all over. A finger joins his tongue, then two and I arch my back, reaching back with my hand to pull him away.

Armie looks up at me, his eyes slightly concerned as he licks his lips. Fuck, I could cum right now from that sight alone.

“Is everything okay?”

“Y-yes...I just….I want you inside of me.”

Armie smiles and turns me back around, hands sliding up my legs as he gets up from the floor. I reach for his jeans and unbutton them, my lips on his neck once again, kissing and biting. He holds onto my waist and lifts me up, sitting me on the counter. He makes me face him, his fingers tracing my lips and pushing my hair back. My hand moves inside his pants, stroking his cock slowly as he leans his forehead against mine, taking long breaths.

“Please, tell me you have condoms down here.”

Armie smirks. “On my wallet.”

I smile and in record time I proceed to get his wallet out of his back pocket and take the condom on my hand, ripping off the package and rolling on his hard cock. He is staring at me the whole time, an amused look on his face, to which I simply shrug my shoulders.

“Don't make me wait any longer, Mr. Hammer.”

He groans and pulls my legs up, bringing my ass to the edge of the counter and slipping into me with ease. I sink my nails on his shoulder, arching my back and throwing my head back, his name rolling out of my tongue effortlessly. Armie keeps himself in place for a few seconds, then starts moving just as slow as his tongue was. He is teasing me, his eyes on me as I try to get him to move faster and harder, but he is stronger and as long as he wants to be in control of things, he will be.

When he finally starts moving faster, I nearly lose myself in a haze of pleasure that surrounds me. He holds tight onto my hip with one hand, the other lazily stroking my cock, his thumb smearing precum all over the head. A symphony of  _ Mr. Hammer  _ echoes in the apartment and his loud, heavy breathing sounds so sexy I have to bring him down so I can it right on my ear. Our bodies are sticking together, the sweat runs down our backs and when his flesh hits mine, the sound is nearly obscene.

After his cock starts hitting my prostate I lose track of time, things become a blurry and all that matters is reaching my orgasm and watching him reach his. His thrusts are hard and fast now, his face and neck are turning bright red and I clench my muscles around him, making him moan my name and bury his face on my neck. I can feel his cock throbbing and expanding as he shoots his load on the condom and that's when I start imagining how it would feel to have his cum inside of me, no condom, just me and him, bare, skin to skin. The thought is all I need, I wrap my arms and legs tightly around Armie and groan, spurts of white semen coating mine and Armie´s abs.

Armie tries to keep himself up, but he ends up collapsing on top of me. I chuckle, rubbing my feet up and down his ass and moaning low as his softening cock slips out of me. “God, you are so amazing.”

I smile to myself, eyes closed and breathing still hasty. “I could say the same, Mr. Hammer.” I can feel his cock twitch at the sound of that and can't help but laugh. I find the strength to open my eyes and look down, watching as his cock gets a little bit harder. “Are you ready for more, Mr. Hammer?”

Armie looks up, sweaty face mere inches away from mine, and smiles. “With you? Always.”

 

*****

 

I jolt up in bed, awakened by a loud thudding that reverberates through the entire apartment. I rub my sleepy eyes with slightly shaky hands, looking around the place until I realize it's pouring outside. Lightning strikes and a loud thunder follows, which makes me sigh, finally realizing what had woken me up.

I lie back down, eyes stuck on the ceiling as I feel my heart beat slowly come back to normal. Armie is sleeping peacefully on my side, his naked body sprawled on the bed, taking over most of the space as he buries his face in the pillow. One thing I have noticed is that he -unlike me- is a heavy sleeper and it would take a damn hurricane to wake him up.

I turn to my side, leaning on my elbow and stroke Armie´s hair softly, all the while my eyes roam through his fit body; his golden skin is beautiful and without even realizing I start to run my fingers down his neck, shoulder and then his back, tracing the birthmark, the very few freckles he has spread around and then his lower back, my finger circling the little dimples that form on the junction of his back and ass.

My tongue traces my dry lips as I finally reach his ass cheeks, drawing imaginary patterns on each one of them, rubbing it and wishing I could pinch and bite them. My finger stops moving when I feel Armie moving, his body lazily shifting positions, his head turning to me. He keeps himself quiet for a second and I start rubbing his ass once again, chuckling as I see a small smile appear on his lips.

“What the fuck are you doing, Timothée?” His eyes are still closed and his voice is raspy and very low, almost inaudible in the middle of the storm.

“Appreciating your beautiful body?”

“You are weird.” He blinks a couple of times, letting out a long sigh before he fully opens his eyes, tired blue iris staring straight at me. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.”

He looks around, furrowing his eyebrows as he realizes it's raining. Suddenly his hands is on my face, thumb tracing my lips as he pulls me closer and kisses me.

“Guess we´re having a lazy day today, huh?”

“I'm all up for that, to be honest. Actually, the idea of not having to share you always pleases me.”

“Possessive.” I chuckle, nodding my head and Armie kisses me once more, this time letting his lips linger a little bit longer against mine. “I should go get breakfast ready.”

“Or you could stay right where you are.” In a swift movement I roll him to his back and get on top of him, hands resting on his chest as he holds onto my waist. “It's a lazy day in, let's make the best out of it.”

“We still need food.”

“I'm not hungry.” My stomach growls before I can even finish the sentence and Armie laughs, loud and contagious.

“Are you sure about that?”

“I'm not  _ that  _ hungry.”

“Your stomach says otherwise.” I roll my eyes and he rolls us over again, laying me on my back. “I´ll just get some coffee and toast done, okay? It won't take longer than ten minutes and you can stay right where you are, we'll have breakfast in bed today.”

I pout, my fingers knotting on his hair as I shake my head. “I don't want you to go.”

“Well, I don't want you to starve yourself, so I will have to disappoint you a little bit and make it out of this bed for a few minutes.”

“Fine, but I expect this to be the best coffee and toast I ever had in my life.”

“It will be, don't worry.” He winks and leans down again, kissing me a bit more intensively this time, his tongue tracing my lips before it enters my mouth. I moan a little, wrapping my legs around him and hear him chuckle. He looks down at me, but doesn't say anything, he simply unwraps my legs from his body and gets up quickly, rushing down the stairs as I am left alone in the bed, watching as his naked body disappears from sight.

 

******

 

Armie and I are on the couch, a blanket covering us as I rest my legs on his lap. His warm hands are underneath the blanket, massaging my feet and ankles; his touch is soft and sweet, but it makes me giggle from time to time, specially when his fingers brush on the most sensitive spots of my foot.

Outside the rain keeps on falling, thunders and lightning still going strong and the large glass windows are blurred with all the raindrops. We stayed in bed for hours, talking, laughing, making out or just lying there on each other´s arms, until we finally gathered enough courage to get up and head to the shower.

Armie cooked us some pasta, we drank wine, managed to wash the dishes despite all the kisses and teasing and once we were done, went back to just lying around once again, fully enjoying our lazy day.

"...but I am sure you were not angel towards her either."

I lean on my elbows, glaring at him as he chuckles. "Well yeah, I played some pranks on her and annoyed the hell out of her, but nothing like she would do to me. She was actually very mean to me, Armie, she would make up lies and all that shit." Armie chuckles, side eyeing me as I nod my head in desperation. "You think I am joking? She once came to me and said, with the most nonchalant look upon her face, that I wasn´t actually her brother, that our parents had found me on the garbage can and decided to take me in." Armie bites hard on his lip, trying to suppress a laugh. "I don´t know how, but I actually believed in her and spend almost two weeks thinking about that, feeling so bad with myself that my dad actually took me aside one day and asked what was going on. He was so pissed at Pauline for doing that to me, he spent hours talking to her and then made her apologize and promise me she would never do something like this again."

"And did that work?"

"Of course not."

Armie laughed, leaning his head back on the couch cushions. "Catherine and I never really had this kind of relationship, she was always a very serious child and I think the age difference made our relationship a bit different than most of the ones I had contact with. Most of my friends who had siblings were just like you and Pauline, always arguing, making up stories or blaming the other for breaking things."

"How old is Catherine?"

"She´s twenty four, so there´s an eight year difference between us, which kept us from fighting but brought other kind of problems." I arch an eyebrow, sitting up on the couch as he looks at me from the corner of his eyes. "I was eight when she was born and I could understand a thing or two, but that doesn´t mean it was easy for me to accept that suddenly there was someone else on the house that got all of the attention my parents had towards me."

I let a small smile come to my lips and watch as Armie furrows his eyebrows. "You were jealous of your baby sister, Armie?"

"Yes, I was. We used to go out every summer, we used to have picnics and my dad would take me to ride a bike on the park on the weekend, but then Catherine was born and things started changing, because she was little and had to be watched out all the time. I knew why they had to do that, but it wasn´t easy to actually accept it, but I did it eventually."

"How exactly?"

"My parents talked to me and my mom decided that once a week we would do something together, just the two of us."

I shake my head, laughing at him as he pulls his legs up in the couch. "Such a spoiled little boy."

"Not gonna lie, I was a little, yes."

"But it´s sweet that your mom would take a whole day to be with you."

"Yes, it was pretty great actually. It did last more than I expected, though." 

"How long?"

"Until I was fifteen, which can be quite a weird thing when you´re a teenager. I loved to be around her, but also found extremely embarrassing that I wanted to hang out with her."

I kneel down on the couch, my fingers stroking Armie´s hair as I look at him with a smile. "I think it´s cute that you enjoyed spending time with her, that maybe you waited for those days with eagerness. I don´t think we fully understand how important it is to spend time with our parents, not until it´s too late."

Armie suddenly turns serious, nodding his head and looking down at his hands. It´s clear he is thinking about his dad and I since I don´t really know if he wants to go into that topic or not, I simply swing my legs over his lap and wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Does she still live in New York?"

"She moved to the Hamptons a few years after my dad passed away. She wanted to be closer to her own parents and she thought the fresh air, the ocean and calmer life style would make her some good."

"Do you visit her often?"

"I try."

I look up at him, a smirk on my face. "That means no."

"That means I try as much as I can. Sometimes she is traveling with her friends, sometimes I have too much work, but we do talk every week. She makes sure to call and ask if I have been eating enough."

"Moms, they are all the same."

"Yes, they are."

I lick my lips, leaning my forehead against Armie´s face, my nose brushing against his cheek. "Do you think your mom and Catherine would like me?"

"I do not think it´s possible to meet you and not love you, Timothée."

"Oh, you´d be surprised."

He chuckles, lifting my chin so he can look me in the eyes. "They would...they will love you." I nod slowly, biting on my lip as he leans down, kissing me quickly. "Not sure with your parents will be the same thing, though."

"Because you are my teacher?" He nods and I roll my eyes. "I am a grown man, I can decide who I want to date or not. Besides, my parents are not like that, they never get in between my relationships."

"But you never dated your ballet teacher before, or have you?"

"Armie, they won´t care about this, believe me." He nods and let my fingers slid inside his hair, playing with the golden strands. I kiss him, softly and slow, savoring his taste as he holds onto my waist and keeps my body close to his.

  
  


*******

 

_ Yeah, uh _

_ Tell me what you really like _

_ Baby I can take my time _

_ We don't ever have to fight _

_ Just take it step by step. _

 

I swirl around the living room, my feet moving to the beat of the song, my arms waving around as my hips swing from side to side.

 

_ I can see it your eyes _

_ ´Cause they never tell me lies _

_ I can feel that body shake _

_ And the heat between your legs _

 

I start bobbing my head, my curls bouncing around and my hand sliding down my chest and stomach, putting on a little show. When I open my eyes, I am turned directly towards Armie, who's sitting on the couch, his eyes locked on me and a small smirk on his face.

 

_ You´ve been scared of love and what it did to you _

_ You don't have to run, I know what you´ve been through _

_ Just a simple touch and it can set you free _

_ We don't have to rush when you're alone with me. _

 

I sing along with the song, practically shouting as I point to Armie, pursing my lips and gesturing him to come over to me. I watch as he shakes his head with a grin plastered on his face and roll my eyes.

“Come dance with me, Armie.”

“I'm not really a good dancer.”

I stop moving, hands on my hips as Armie arches an eyebrow, looking up at me. “Are you seriously gonna pull that shit with me?”

“What? I'm serious?”

“You are my ballet teacher, Armie.”

“And I am fucking great at it, but that's it, any other dance is just….a cry for help.”

“I don't believe it.”

He just shrugs and I shake my head, reaching for his hand, but he quickly tucks them under his legs. I roll my eyes and start moving again, swirling around while shaking my ass, provoking him.

“Come dance with me, please.”

“Nope.”

“I will let you give me a couple more spankings.” I look at him with a mischievous smile, watching as he turns his serious face to a slightly more amused one.

“Last time I did that I didn't have to dance, so I will take my chances.”

I gasp, looking at him shocked as he smirks. I quickly put on a pout, though, giving him the best puppy eyes I can master and watch as he moves slightly on the couch.

“Don't you dare give me that look.” I pout even more, slowly moving closer to him, standing my hand out. “Seriously, Timothée, stop.” I shake my head, blinking a few times and try to suppress a smile when Armie sighs and takes my hand. “I fucking hate you.”

“Yeah, that's bullshit.”

 

_ I feel it coming, I feel it coming, babe _

_ I feel it coming, I feel it coming, babe _

_ I feel it coming, I feel it coming, babe _

 

I wrap my arms around his neck, smiling as he holds tight on my waist and starts moving side to side along with me. Our bodies are almost pressed together, our movements are synchronized and when he leans his forehead against mine, his eyes closed and a smile on his face, I can feel my heart beating faster.

I want to tell him how much I love him, tell him how amazing he is and how great he makes me feel. I want to shout for everyone that this is the man of my dreams, the one I want to be with for the rest of life, through thick and thin, for better or worse.

 

_ I feel it coming, I feel it coming, babe _

_ I feel it coming, I feel it coming, babe _

_ I feel it coming, I feel it coming, babe _

 

I close my eyes too and smile wide at myself, taking in a deep breath. Armie´s hold on me tightens and he pulls me a bit closer, his nose tracing my forehead, nose and cheeks. He breathes me in and then places soft and quick kisses all over my face, making me giggle.

When I finally open my eyes we are staring straight into each other, his blue eyes filled with care. I bite on my lip, suddenly a little nervous, worried that those three words will just roll out of my tongue.

_ I love you. _

_ I love you. _

_ I love you. _

“I probably shouldn't say this so early, I mean, we´ve been together for a little over two weeks, but…” I feel my breathing get heavier and my mouth go dry.

“I love you,” it slips out of my lips before he can finish and for about three seconds my brain thinks about all the possible outcomes for this. How quick can I leave his apartment? How long should I stay away from classes? Is he gonna laugh at me? Why the fuck must I be so desperate?

Armie chuckles, cupping my face in his hands and kisses me softly, his thumb rubbing on my cheeks. I start to calm down a little bit, watching him watch me, waiting for him to say something that will ease the silent. That's when I hear his voice, sweet and low, caring and soft.

“I love you, too.”

  
  
  
  



	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time goes by.

How fast can a month go by? Before I started dating Armie it seemed my life was going on a snail pace, every day was as long as a month, every week seemed like a goddamn year. Nothing cool seemed to happen, nothing exciting seemed to cross me, not even the night outs with the guys, going at bars and hooking up with random boys seemed that exciting.

But the moment Armie came into the picture, the moment our lips touched for the first time, everything changed drastically. Let me put it like this, if my life was a movie, this would be the moment a cool montage would start playing. Some nice and stylish music, maybe some rap from the 90´s, would be on the background. A series of images from New York would fill the screen, showing Brooklyn Bridge, Central Park, SoHo and it's cool bars.

At some point a sequence of moments between me and Armie would come; us in bed kissing, having sex, dancing, laughing and working out on the park, Armie with a happy and relaxed look upon his face while I looked grumpy and tired, because it was Sunday morning and I would rather be in bed. Then scenes from ballet classes would come, which would be mixed with little snippets from work and hanging out with Ansel, Olivia and Sarah.

Big letters in the bottom of the screen would say the cliche  _ One Month Later  _ or maybe  _ A Few Weeks Later,  _ which then would transition to a current scene, maybe me laying on my bed while watching Armie cook us breakfast or, the one I am living right now. Me, leaned against the bookstore´s counter, my chin resting on my hands as I stare into the glass door, praying to all known Gods that someone, anyone, walks in and takes me out of my boredom.

Sarah has not come to work today, her mother had an accident and she needed to rush to help her. Ever since I opened at one, only one old lady walked and after three seconds she realized she was on the wrong place. I tried to text Ansel, make sure we were still going out to celebrate Olivia´s birthday tonight, but got no answer. I texted Armie, but all I got was a brief  _ i miss you _ because he was in the middle of a break in class. Now it's nearly five and I am so tired of doing nothing, I am actually considering rearranging the shelves I worked on early this afternoon.

I bury my face in my hands, shaking my head and let out a loud groan. Suddenly the door opens and I look up, arching an eyebrow, but smiling wide as I see Armie standing there. He has a confused look on his face as he walks over, hands tucked on his jean pockets.

“You okay?”

“I'm bored as hell here, Armie. Only one person came in and it wasn't the place she was supposed to be in.” He leans on the counter, a little pout on his lips as he stares at me. “The highlight of my afternoon was getting the shelves organized, which lasted like ten minutes.”

“Oh, my poor babe.” I nod, making a good use of my puppy eyes and Armie chuckles. He takes a quick look around before kissing me softly, my hands instantly grabbing onto his shirt, trying to keep him close. “Your shift is almost over, though, isn´t it?”

“Yeah, half an hour to go.”

“What you say I head to your place, make us a nice hot coffee and some sandwiches? We can spend some time together and then you´ll head to your party with Ansel and the girls.”

“That's a great idea, actually.”

“I am full of good ideas.”

I roll my eyes, shoving him back -or trying to- as he laughs. “You are so full of yourself, damn it.”

“Oh babe, you love it.”

“No, I don't.” He arches an eyebrow and I shake my head, biting my lip to keep myself from smiling. He rolls his eyes and leans in again, his nose brushing against mine for a second before he kisses me once again.

“I´ll let you get back to your very busy work now. I´ll be waiting you at the apartment.”

I nod and reach for my bag, fishing my keys from the front pocket and throwing it to him, who catches it mid air. “I actually went grocery shopping yesterday after I left the studio, so there's a lot of stuff in the fridge.”

“It was almost midnight when you left the studio.”

“The wonders of New York, Mr. Hammer, sometimes you find the right places at the most unexpected hours.”

He smirks, shaking his head and stuffs the keys on his pocket as he heads to the door. “I´ll see you in while. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

 

*******

 

“Does this look good?”

I stand in front of the mirror, furrowing my nose as I stare at myself up and down. There's rap playing low, the remains of our little snack are scattered on the kitchen counter and Armie is lying on my bed, his head leaned against the bedpost as he reads a book.

“Aaaarrrrmmmmiiiieeee.”

He raises an eyebrow and looks at me up and down. I give him a look and point over to my outfit, to which he simply shrugs.

“Seriously?”

“You look great, babe, as always.”

“That's cute, but also bullshit.”

He chuckles and sit up properly, tossing the book to the side and intertwining his fingers together as he stares at me, now putting on a serious look. I furrow my eyebrows, his blue eyes scanning every single inch of my body while I wait for him to say something.

“I think you can get yourself a better shirt.” I nod and turn back to the closet, going through some of my shirts. “That dark green sweater looks great on you and with those jeans, you´ll be the hottest guy in the club.”

I giggle and take the sweater off of the hanger, putting it on quickly and turning to face him. He smiles, winks at me and I roll my eyes before taking one good look at myself in the mirror.

“You sure this is good?”

“Do you plan on finding yourself someone in this club? Because you sure seen very worried about making an effort with your outfit.”

I turn on my heels, a smirk plastered on my face as I slowly march over to the bed. I climb in, crawling all the way over to Armie, my hand sliding up his leg as I do so. He has his eyes locked on mine, a serious look upon his face, which makes the whole thing a lot more amusing.

“Are you jealous? Does Mr. Hammer actually get jealous?”

“I'm not jealous.”

“Oh you are, I can see it in your eyes.”

He rolls his eyes as if to prove a point, which makes me chuckle. “I am not jealous, just find it interesting that all of a sudden you want to look so good for a night out with your friends, especially when just yesterday you said you didn't give much of a damn about always looking good.”

I shake my head, swinging one leg over and straddling him. “You are such a fucking liar. You are jealous, I can see it in every single expression you make. You think I'm gonna get a few drinks and just let anyone hit on me? Don't you trust me?”

“Oh, I trust you. I don't trust the other guys, who will get to see you on those tight jeans all night long.”

Armie grips onto my waist, pulling me closer to him. I smile to myself as he kisses my neck and then nibbles on my ear, making my body tingle before we lock our lips together. The kiss starts slow, but quickly gains tempo and heat, our hands rubbing and grabbing onto each other, tongues desperate and teeth pulling and biting on each other's flesh. I moan softly, reluctantly pulling away from him, but feeling his hand on my back, keeping my body close.

“I really need to go.”

“Mhmm.”

“Seriously, Armie, Ansel and Olivia are waiting.”

“Okay,” he whispers in between soft bites on the bit of exposed flesh on my shoulder.

“Shit, you're making things very difficult for me.”

“Am I?” His teasing voice nearly makes me shiver and I have to grip tight onto his shoulders to keep myself together.

“Armie, please….”

Armie smirks and raises both of his hands, giving me free access out of the bed. I clearly don't give a damn about it and remain in place, our chest pressed together, my neck exposed and nails digging into his biceps.

“I thought you had to leave?”

I groan and attack his lips, kissing him fiercely, rubbing myself against him and melting into his body as he moans softly. I open my eyes and find him staring right back at me, our troubled breathing producing a sound that nearly overpowers the music.

“Will you be here when I come back?”

“I don't know, Timmy.”

“Pleeeeeease….”

“If I sleep here I will have to get up by six to make sure I have enough time to go back home, shower, get some clean clothes and head back to the studio.”

“I know the drill, Armie, and I also told you to keep some clothes here.” He nods, letting out a sigh as I run my fingers through his hair. “I always have clean clothes at your place when I need them.”

Armie cups my face with his hands and smiles. “Okay, okay, I will be here, no need to worry.”

“Great, than we can get back from where we stopped.”

“Would you like me to wait naked, ass up and ready to take it?” I know he is joking, but I can't help myself and play out the whole scene in my head. “Oh, you are actually considering the idea.”

“I really was.” I shrug, getting up quickly and reaching for my sneakers. “But undressing you is quite an erotic part of the whole deal, so leave the clothes.”

“You horny little shit.”

“One you love.” I lean in and kiss him quickly before getting up. I reach for my wallet and keys and give him a wink, heading over to the door as he sinks on the bed, making a mess of my sheets and grabs his book once again. “I´ll see you later tonight.”

“I´ll be waiting.”

  
  


********

 

The lights are flickering, a rainbow of colors taking over the dance floor as we move our bodies in sync to the music. The club is crowded, people bump into one another, drinks spill to the floor, but that doesn´t stop anyone from giving in to the cool vibe that has taken over the place. The smile on Olivia´s face is contagious, there´s a special glow on her eyes and it´s easy to see she is truly enjoying herself and I couldn´t be happier.

It has been a while since we spent some time together and celebrating her birthday was the best opportunity to reunite. She giggles as I take her hand and spin her around a couple of times, then take her in my arms and dip her to the side. She holds onto my arms for dear life and I laugh, shaking my head as I bring her back to her feet.

"Have you got no faith on me, woman?"

"Give a warning next time, will ya? I have seen you drinking your cute Mojitos all night long, you expect me to trust you´ll actually hold me?"

"I just did and I am outraged that you doubt my skills as a dancer."

Olivia laughs, pinching my cheeks before she returns to Ansel´s arms. I smile over at them and point over to the bar, watching as they nod their heads. I squeeze myself in between people, trying my best to reach the bar without being stumbled on or dropping anyone´s drinks.

"Hey, can I get a water, please."

The bartender nods, reaches for a bottle of water and hands it to me. I thank him and lean against the counter, taking a few sips of the cold drink as I watch people on the dance floor. I let out a sigh of contentment, in my mind the only thought is how did I get so lucky in life. I got a good job, a happy and drama free family, great friends and a boyfriend that loves me just as much as I love him, someone who believes in me and encourages me to be the best version of myself. The only thing that could possibly happen to make this all better was to get in Juilliard and even that feels closer and closer.

I have never been so happy in my entire life.

"What are you doing there all alone?" Ansel asks as he approaches me and grabs the bottle of water from my hands. He chugs on it, letting out a loud sigh once he is done and takes hold of my arm, pulling me with him back to the dance floor. "We have class tomorrow and sadly can´t stay here until the sun rises, so let´s enjoy the time we do have, Tim, no sulking on the corner."

"That´s not what I was doing."

"Whatever, let´s dance." 

I laugh and slide across the dance floor, earning a little cheer from Olivia and Ansel. I shake my head and bob my head to the beat of the song, a wide smile on my face as I let myself go.

  
  
  


********

  
  


I fumble for my keys on my pockets, trying my best not to make much noise. It's nearly three in the morning, the whole building is quiet and I don't want to disturb anyone. I open the door, take my shoes off and tip toe inside the apartment, squinting my eyes and trying to get used to the darkness. I walk over to the bathroom and turn on the lights, leaving the door ajar so I can have some sort of illumination and yet not disturb Armie, who´s sleeping peacefully on my bed.

The serene look on his face, his clothes and belongings scattered around the place makes me smile. We´ve been together for a total of six -almost seven- weeks and we feel so at ease on each other's place, I can't help but feel proud of how much we accomplished in such a short time.

I rush to the bathroom and quickly take a piss and brush my teeth, then turn off the lights and head to bed, climbing in beside Armie and pulling on the covers over my body. I feel his arm slide across my stomach and look to my side, smiling as I see his sleepy blue eyes looking directly at me.

“Hi, I didn't mean to wake you up.”

He shakes his head. “You didn't, I haven't been able to sleep properly for the past two hours.”

“Are you okay?”

“Just couldn't sleep, that's all.”

“Can't sleep without me anymore?”

He smirks and places a kiss on my shoulder. “You wish. How was the celebration?”

“It was amazing. It had been a while since the three of us got to hang out and I forgot how much fun we can have together.”

“You should go out with them more often.”

“I know I should, but I can't seem to let go of you.” Armie chuckles and I smile at the sound. “But seriously, it was a great night. We talked, got some nice drinks and danced a lot. Only way to make it better was if you could have been there.”

“One day I will be, I promise you that.”

I roll my eyes and turn around to face him, my hand pushing his hair back. “I didn't say it so you could promise me stuff, Armie, I am fine with things the way they are. I have you all to myself, what else could I ask for?” Armie simply smiles and I peck his lips. “We should try to get some sleep now, we both need to be up early tomorrow.”

Armie nods, his finger tracing my shoulder and neck. “Or maybe we should just call in sick.”

I arch an eyebrow. “Is Mr. Hammer actually suggesting that we skip class for the day?”

“Maaaaaybe.”

“Oh my God, I am such a bad influence on you.”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

“Are you for real, though? Would you cancel class so we could spend the day together?”

He shrugs. “I feel like I am in need of a day off.”

“I'm all in for that.”

“I know you are.” Armie moves away from me, his hand reaching for the phone on the nightstand. He sits down on the bed and types something, shortly putting the phone back down. I hear my own phone buzz and he smirks, making me chuckle. “No class tomorrow, Mr. Chalamet, I guess we can actually get back from where we stopped before you left.”

I bite on my lip and climb on top of him, pulling his shirt off. “Oh Mr. Hammer, you have no idea what you got yourself into.”

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée has a surprise for Mr. Hammer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone in for some ribbons?

We swirl around, left foot  _ en pointe  _ while our right leg moves from perfectly straightened to the side and bent over the knee. Half of us have our arms in second position, while the other half keeps them in fourth. The music is loud and fast, the sweat pours down my back and soaks my tight shirt while Armie moves silently around the room, his blue eyes intensely staring at each one of us.

When he moves back to the front and gives us the sign, we change positions. Now both our feet are  _ en pointe,  _ arms raised above our heads in fifth position as we take quick and short steps to the side. It goes like this, four steps to the right, a  _ Pirouette  _ on our own axis and then four steps to the left. It's quite an outstanding sight through the mirror, watching as twelve guys move gracefully and in perfect synchrony, creating such an organic movement it is impossible not to get affected by it.

I mean, I am affected by this and is only a class.

The next part comes and we switch positions, the back line swirls to the front while the ones that were on the front have to run backwards, torso bent over to the front and arms straightened out in front of them. Once we are all in position we move to an  _ Arabesque,  _ arms in third position and chin up. Armie walks in between the two lines, arms crossed and a dead serious look on his face. Months ago I'd be intimidated by that look, today it makes my whole body tingle with the idea of him looking at me like that while we are in bed. Just the thought of Armie dominating me makes me shiver and for a quick second I lose my balance.

“You okay?” His voice fills my ear as he holds onto my arm and keeps me steady. I look at him quickly, knowing if I stare too much into his eyes I will probably give myself away. I nod and try to put on a small smile and can feel him squeeze my arm slightly before letting go. “Okay, we´re heading to the last part.”

I straight myself up, project my chest forward and move my arms so they are back into first position. In synchrony, we all propel ourselves up, doing a  _ plié  _ once we hit the ground again and instantly pressing our arms to our chest, doing a final  _ Tour en L´air  _ sequence before ending back on a  _ plié. _

“And that's it, class.” Everyone relaxes the moment we hear Armie´s voice, but as he gestures us to come closer, I can see a few worried looks go around. “We are heading to the end of October, which means we are a little bit over a month away from your Juilliard auditions. I am not saying this to freak anyone out, I want you guys to work hard and to be prepared, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun and try to ease your mind from time to time. Actually, from personal experience, I´ve learned that unwinding for a while actually helps a lot and…”

Armie keeps on talking, but suddenly all I can think about is the fact that soon enough our classes will be over, he won't be my teacher anymore and if I do get into Juilliard, our time together will be more limited. Of course there's the perk of being able to actually tell people about us, to go out together without the fear of being caught. But I can't deny the fact I will deeply miss having four hours of class with him in the morning every single day. This is how I met him, how I fell in love with him, it will be hard to let go.

“...I also just found out the actual date of your auditions.” Suddenly he gets my attention again and I can see everyone else also has a serious look on their faces. “You all will be auditioning on the 10th of December, it will be a tiring experience, not only physically but also mentally, since you will be there waiting and watching as one after the other goes into that room. I have been through all of this and it's scary, I am not gonna lie, but if you keep yourselves focused and present the best choreographies you can, something that enhances your best skills, everything will be easier.” We all nod, a few sighs echoing as Armie takes a long look at all of us. “You can all go now, get some rest this weekend, you guys deserve it.”

I smile a little and turn around on my heels, walking back to where my bag is. I reach for my towel and wipe away the sweat, looking over at Ansel, who is leaned against the barre, checking his phone.

“Have you started working on a choreography for your audition?”

He looks at me and lets out a sigh, shaking his head. “I wish I had, but I can't seem to decide how I want to approach this. Do I go for something completely new or do I work around the choreography I did here? Mr. Hammer seemed to like it.”

I lean beside him on the barre and bump shoulders with him, giving him a small smile. “Whatever you choose, I am sure it's gonna be awesome, Ansel. You are extremely talented and Armie has nothing but praise towards you, so I'd say you got great chances.”

“Do you guys talk about me when you're alone?”

I shrug. “We do it sometimes. Why?”

“Please, tell me that doesn't happen while you are in bed.”

“Ansel, we have better things to do with our mouths when we are in bed than talk about you.”

He cringes, furrowing his nose as I laugh. “Okay, that's enough for today. I am gonna get out of here before you start telling me what kind of things you are doing.”

“Oh c´mon, maybe you can incorporate something with you and Olivia. He does this thing with his tongue that I…”

“You shut your mouth right now, Timothée.” I can't help but laugh at the look on his face, a look that's a mix of surprise and fear. “I gotta go now, I´ll talk to you later, man.”

I nod and watch as he swings his backpack over his shoulder and heads to the door. I can feel Armie´s arms wrap around my waist the moment Ansel disappears and I lean back on his chest, a smile on my face as I look up at him.

“Hello.”

“Hello.” I turn around, wrapping my arms around his neck and give him a quick and soft kiss. “I´ve missed you in bed last night. After the whole day together, it felt weird to sleep all alone.”

“Oh babe, I am so sorry.”

“And the fact tonight it will be the exact same thing doesn't help.” I pout and he smiles, leaning his forehead against mine and stroking my cheeks. “At what time do you leave?”

“In about two hours, I need to be in New Haven by five to make it in time. I booked a hotel there for the night, but I will be back tomorrow before midday.”

“Good, because I have a little surprise I want to show you.”

“What is it?”

“Like I just said, it is a surprise, but I want you here at the studio tomorrow at three. Think you can make it?”

“I definitely can.”

“Good. I gotta go now, I need to stop home before work.”

He nods and kisses me softly on the lips and I pull his body close to mine for a brief second, wanting to feel him as close to me as possible for as long as I can. “I´ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay, I will be waiting.” I grab my bag and swing it over my shoulder, heading out of the studio backwards, so I can keep looking at him. “Probably in bed...naked...and hard.”

“Don't tease me, boy.”

“Goodbye, Mr. Hammer.”

 

******

 

“Good afternoon.”

I close the door behind me and give Sarah a little wave as she fixes some books on the shelves.

“Good afternoon. Are you feeling better today?”

“Huh?”

“Yesterday you said you were not coming because you were not feeling very well.” I nod my head, suddenly remembering the little lie I had to tell while still lying in bed with Armie yesterday. “So, are you feeling better?”

“Yes, I am. I think I did some wrong move yesterday in class and I was left with a little bit of pain in my lower back. Nothing a painkiller, a warm bath and some rest didn't solve.”

“I'm glad you are better, Tim, this place ain´t the same without you.”

“I know you can't live without me, Sarah.”

She looks at me and rolls her eyes, making me chuckle. “So, have you heard about the party Olivia and some of her friends are having for Halloween?”

“Yeah, Ansel said something about it.”

“Are you going?”

I shrug my shoulders, turning my attention to the computer and checking some things on the system. “I'm still not sure to be honest, it seems like it will be fun though. Are you going?”

“Hell yes, I love Halloween parties.” She walks over to me, her hand resting on my shoulder as she leans in to whisper on my ear. “Maybe you could take your boyfriend and finally introduce him to us.”

I nod, turning to her with a smile. “Sure, I just need to find myself a boyfriend first.”

“Oh please, you don't fool me.”

“Sarah, you're going crazy with this whole thing, so let me tell you one final time that I don't have a boyfriend.”

She nods, crossing her arms and leaning against the counter. “Let me also tell you something one last time, Tim. You are a terrible liar and I can see in your eyes that you are in love.”

“Yeah, I´ve been in love with my ballet teacher for over a year, forgot about that?”

She just shakes her head and grabs some books, heading back to the shelves as I sigh. “I will find out who the mystery guy is, Tim, but on the meantime can you help me with the display?”

“I´ll be right on it.”

 

******

 

“He's a ballet teacher, why is he going to conferences, workshops and all that shit?”

I look up from my phone and stare at Ansel, who's sitting right across from me on the booth. Since Armie wasn't in town and it had been a while, we decided to go out just the two of us, get some beers and talk a little bit. Honestly, it felt great to be able to talk about our lives freely, without tip toeing around any subjects.

“He needs to have a strong network, Ansel, how do you think he got us all to audition for Juilliard?”

Ansel takes a sip of his beer and nods his head. “Calm down, no need to get all stressed. I wasn't trying to diminish your boyfriend, I was just curious.”

I nod my head and pull my leg up, drinking some of my beer as my phone starts buzzing on the table.

“That's him?” I look over at the screen, see Armie´s message and nod my head. “You can get it, I don't mind.”

“He's just sending me a good night message. I texted him earlier saying I was going out with you, so I wouldn't be home for our little night chat.”

“Do I even wanna know?”

“It involves nakedness, so probably not.”

“Definitely not.” I chuckle and he leans back on the seat, a little smile on his face. “I know you for ten years and I have never seen you like this. You are so into this whole thing, like really deep into the relationship.”

“Yes I am, I love him and I waited to be with him for months. And being with him has made me feel better with myself, made me feel more confident at times and just… well loved and taken care of.”

“I can see that and I am really happy for you...both of you.” I nod with a wide smile on my face, but can see Ansel´s expression turn a bit serious. “Have you guys discussed how things are gonna go once classes are over?”

“We talked briefly about it, but it's not like we made plans or anything. Why?”

He shrugs. “Just wondering how things are gonna go. Are you guys gonna be open about the relationship? Or you feel like it's best to wait a little longer?”

“I don't think neither one of us wants to wait much longer, but we will see how it goes. There's still a whole month and a half ahead of us, we have plenty of time.”

He nods, biting on his lip for a moment before his eyes find mine again. “One more question.”

“Jesus, you're full of them tonight, aren't you?”

He completely ignores my remark and just leans closer. “Is France for New Year´s Eve still a thing? Olivia was asking and since now Mr. Hammer is on the mix, I got a bit unsure.

“Shit, I totally forgot about France.” Ansel chuckles and I sigh, shrugging my shoulders. “I mean, I suppose we can still go and maybe he will come with us. It would be amazing to be in France with him.”

“Is he ready to meet the family?”

“Okay, when did this night become all about my relationship? I thought it was a bro night.”

“As if we don't excessively talk about Mr. Hammer for months now.”

“Oh, since we are on the subject, could you possibly stop calling him Mr. Hammer when we are out of clas? Is quite odd to me.”

He arches an eyebrow. “And why is...oh shit, you turned into a kinky thing, didn't you?”

I simply smile, shrugging my shoulders as he rolls his eyes.

 

********

 

The moment I turn on the corner, I can see Armie leaned against the wall of the studio building. Skinny washed out jeans, grey long sleeved shirt, messy shiny hair, arms crossed and eyes down to his phone. I smile at the sight of him and instinctively rush my pace, desperate to be with him after over twenty four hours.

“Hello,” I say in a cheerful voice the moment I reach him. Armie looks up from his phone with a smile on his face and I lean in, placing a quick and tamed kiss on his lips.

“So, are you gonna tell me what is this surprise?”

“In a moment, let's get in first.”

He furrows his eyebrows, but nods anyway and unlocks the door, letting me in. He locks the door behind him and follows me up the stairs, telling me everything about the conference while he holds onto my waist. He unlocks the studio door and we both get it, opening the windows and turning on the lights. Once it's all set, Armie turns to look at me, an eyebrow arched and a questioning look upon his face.

“Do you plan on telling me what's going on or you're just gonna stare at me for the rest of the afternoon?”

I shrug, walking over to him and wrapping my arms around his waist. “Not exactly a bad idea.” He chuckles, shaking his head and I smile, getting  _ en pointe  _ so I can kiss him. “Okay, here is the thing. I started working on my routine for Juilliard and I thought I could show you and see what you think, if there's anything I should change or that I should make it more dramatic.”

“I am sure whatever you have prepared is amazing, babe.”

“Yeah yeah, but I am actually trying something new, something I have done only alone in my apartment and I would love to know if you think it will work or not.”

Armie stares at me for a second or two, smiles and then nods his head. He pecks my lips and quickly pulls away, taking a seat on the floor, his back against the mirror as he looks at me with serious eyes. He is now channeling Mr. Hammer.

“Impress me, then.”

Suddenly the tension in the room is a bit bigger than I had expected and although I know he doesn't expect me to achieve perfection, I get a little worried about him not liking it. I try to shake those thoughts off and prepare myself for the routine; I take off my shirt, leaving me only in a tank top, set the phone to start playing a music and leave it on repeat in case is needed, then I grab my bag, taking two black satin ribbons out of it.

I move to the center of the room, fasten the ribbons on my index finger and hide them in my hands. I stand with my feet in third position, arms in preparatory position and chin up. I keep a serious look on my face, my heart pounding on my chest just as I hear the first chords of the song come up.

 

_ I guess now it's time for me to give up _

_ I feel it's time _

_ Got a picture of you beside me _

_ Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup _

_ Oh yeah _

 

The moment the lyrics fills the room, I get  _ en pointe _ , my arms turning into third position while I release the ends of the ribbons and watch them cascate down, creating a wave like motion. I rise my left foot until it is leveled with my knee and spin around; I rotate my shoulders and with my index finger make motions so the ribbons will twirl around me. 

 

_ Got a fist of pure emotion _

_ Got a head of shattered dreams _

_ Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now _

 

I raise my right arm, turning my hand into a fist as I stand  _ en pointe _ , eyes closed and trying to bring the drama of the song into my performance. I crunch forward, my head down and my arms crossed against my chest; quickly I straighten myself up again while spinning around, then project my chest forward and run to the left, the ribbons swaying behind me.

 

_ Whatever I said, whatever I did _

_ I didn't mean it _

_ I just want you back for good _

_ (Want you back, want you back, want you back for good) _

 

I swirl the ribbons until each one is wrapped around one of my arms and then do a  _ Tour en L´air,  _ which is then followed by an  _ Allegro _ , fast jumping steps to the right, followed by a slid to the ground and a turn.

 

_ Whenever I'm wrong _

_ Just tell me the song and I'll sing it _

_ You'll be right and understood _

_ (Want you back, want you back, want you back for good) _

_ I want you back for good _

 

I raise to my feet and do an  _ Arabesque _ , one leg raised behind the body and extended in a perfect straight line. I do a sequence of  _ Pirouettes _ , the ribbons creating waves around me as I leave my arms in second position. I do a  _ Grande Jeté,  _ jumping high from one foot to the other and when I land on the ground once again, I do a quick  _ Plié _ , followed by an  _ Assemble. _

 

_ Unaware but underlined _

_ I figured out this story (no no) _

_ It wasn't good (no no) _

_ But in a corner of my mind (corner of my mind) _

_ I celebrated glory _

_ But that was not to be _

 

I finally allow myself to take a glimpse at Armie. He is sitting in the exact same position that he was when I started, his body rigid and his blue eyes staring intensely into me as he bites hard on his lip. My heart pounds on my chest and I start wondering exactly what he is thinking when his voice echoes above the music and I stop mid  _ Tour en L´air. _

I keep my eyes on him, confused and a bit surprised by the sudden outburst and watch as he gets up and walks over to me. I am breathing heavily, my chest heaving as he stands only an inch away from me and stares into my eyes. There's a darkness to his eyes, one I have seen before but take too long to notice when.

“Are you trying to drive me insane?”

“W-what?”

“Are you doing this on purpose? You like teasing me?”

I arch an eyebrow and look at him up and down, quickly noticing the bulge in his pants. A wide smirk comes to my face at the realization that my dance has aroused him and suddenly the darkness in his eyes make a lot more sense. My tongue slowly wets my lips as he breathes heavily and slides his hands down my arms until he is holding my hands. I swallow dryly, the proximity of him, the look in his eyes and the warmth of his hands making my own cock come to life.

He takes the ribbons away from me and smiles down at it as he holds them on his hands. My eyes move from his hands to his eyes and I can see he is in deep thought. When he leans close, his lips brushing against my ear, his voice is soft and melodic.

“Do you trust me?”

“Do you have to ask?”

“Then take off your clothes.”

“What?”

“Take off your clothes and kneel down on the floor.”

My mouth goes dry and my heart beats as if I am about to have a fucking heart attack. I take a deep breath and take off my shirt, then my tights, my eyes never leaving Armie´s. I remove my shoes and toss it to the side before I kneel down in front of him, fighting an urge to simply pull him close, remove his jeans and suck him off right then and there.

“Put your arms behind your back.”

I do as told and watch as Armie walks behind me, kneeling down in between my legs. Our eyes lock through the mirror reflection and I bite hard on my lip as I feel one of the black ribbons being wrapped around my wrists. He takes his time, make sure there is a tight knot, but not tight enough to hurt me in any way. When he leans to whisper on my ear once again, I can feel my thighs trembling.

“Can I go on?”

“Yes, please.”

“Then I'm gonna blindfold you, okay?” I simply nod, too excited to even utter a word. How many times have I dreamt of Armie dominating me, now it was finally happening. “If you ever want me to stop just say so and I will do it immediately, okay?”

I nod once again, trying to control my breathing as I am welcomed by darkness. Now all I can see are little light spots, but my body is feeling more aware than ever. I can tell Armie moved back in front of me and can hear the sound of his zipper; I feel his hands on my hair, massaging it slowly as I lick my lips in anticipation for what I know is about to come.

When the head of his cock brushes against my lips, I open my mouth immediately, taking at least half of it in in one go and hearing his soft moans. I smile to myself, always pleased to know I am the one giving him pleasure, that I am the one who gets him hard.

I relax my throat and body, letting Armie take control of the whole situation. He starts slowly but quickly fastens his pace, feeding me all of his cock. The desire to touch him and see him is huge, but since I can't do either, I do my best to give him the best blowjob he has ever had. I swirl my tongue around the head, suck hard on it and let it hit the back of my throat, loving the grunts that come out of Armie every time I gag on it.

When he pulls out, my lips wet and probably shiny with a mix of his precum and my spit, I feel empty and desperate for more. I feel his hands slid down my shoulders, to my stomach and then my cock, his fingertip tracing the whole length of it and making me shudder. When he suddenly grips tight onto my cock, I throw my head back and let out a loud and long moan. My whole body seems to be on fire, my mind is racing and my breathing has never been so laboured.

From that moment on, everything else happens in a blur, as if I am so high in pleasure that only a few fragments are able to be saved in my brain. The wetness of his tongue, the moans that escape me, the soft touch of his skin against mine, his warm cock pressed against my back. His loud breathing, his cock hitting my prostate over and over again, the sweat that runs down his chest and my back mixing it together and the music, that keeps on playing and playing throughout the whole thing.

 

_ Whenever I'm wrong (whenever I'm wrong) _

_ Just tell me the song and I'll sing it _

_ You'll be right and understood _

_ I want you back (want you back, want you back, want you back for good) _

_ See, I want you back for good _

_ Oh yeah _

_ I guess now it's time that you came back for good _

  
  



	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée and Mr. Hammer have a not so great surprise.

I can hear some faint noises on the distance as I feel Armie disentangle my arm from around his waist. I move slightly, keeping my eyes shut and sink my head in the pillow, trying to get back to sleep. After such an exhausting Saturday afternoon -and night-, all I wanna do is lie down for a little longer and then climb into a warm bath.

I can feel the bed moving and open an eye, seeing a blurry version of Armie putting on his sweatpants. I furrow my eyebrows and just as I am about to get up, he kneels down and places a kiss on my cheek.

“Go back to sleep, is still early.”

“Where are you going?”

“Just downstairs. Get some sleep, babe, you need it.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes. I´ll be back in a second, okay?” I nod and he kisses my cheek once again while fixing the blanket on top of me.

I let out a sigh and close my eyes, trying to get back to sleep as I hear Armie´s footsteps getting more and more distant. Just as I am about to drift off, I hear a woman´s voice and open my eyes quickly. Now I am confused and very much awake.

Who the hell is here?

“...so can you explain to me how come he is now lying on your bed?”

“Okay, first calm down and lower your voice, there's no need to get loud here. Second, what the fuck are you doing in my apartment?”

“I told you I was coming for the week…”

I turn around and sit down on the bed, hugging my legs and leaning my chin on my knees. They are trying to talk in a lower voice, make sure I am not hearing it, but in an apartment so open as Armie´s, I can still make it all out. The only question is, who is this woman?”

“...so maybe next time you can text me before simply showing up at my place unexpectedly.”

“You are gonna turn this on me? You gave me the keys years ago, I never had to call or anything, you always allowed me to come in whenever I wanted.”

“Things changed, Catherine.”

Catherine.

Armie´s sister.

“...because you decided it was a good idea to fuck your student?”

“Seriously, keep your voice down.”

“Awww, are you scared he is gonna wake up and listen to your sister trying to get some sense into your head?”

I bite on my lip, suddenly feeling a bit uneasy to be sitting here while they argue downstairs. Especially when they are arguing about me.

“...because I know exactly what I am doing.”

“Do you? Because last time we talked about this, you said you were attracted to him but that you would never do anything about it. So, what happened?”

“Finding out he loves me just as much as I love him, that's what changed.”

I smile to myself even though the whole conversation still makes me feel bad. Not that I didn't believe him before, because I did, but to hear Armie say he loves me to someone else makes it all more real.

“...what happens when the parents of your students find out what you are doing? This can ruin your entire career, Armie.”

“Catherine, I don't need you to explain to me what's on stake here, okay?”

“Are you sure? Because it seems to me you have completely forgot about everything we talked about regarding this exact subject.”

I can't help but feel like I am about to have a panic attack. Sitting here, quietly listening to them argue about me is making my heart pound of my chest and my hands shake. My breathing is slightly altered and as much as I try, I can't get it back to normal.

“...I am sorry if I decided that my happiness was more important.”

“He's younger than me, Armie. What happens when he gets tired of this in a few weeks? Are you willing to risk everything you built for something that can end so quickly?”

“Things have been pretty good for the last two months, Catherine, so I will take my chances.”

“Two months? You´ve been keeping this from me for two months?”

“And clearly was the best thing I did, because the way you are acting right now is completely childish and unnecessary.”

“Childish? I am worried about your life, I am worried about what happen to you if…”

“Let me worry about it.”

Armie´s voice is loud and it makes me jump a little in surprise. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, burying my face in my arms as I try to ignore their voices. I never expected everyone to be okay with our relationship, but I definitely didn't expect his sister to be the one to be so oppose to it.

“...if this turns out to be a mistake, which I doubt, it will be my mistake.”

“Fod God´s sake, Armie, what is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you, Catherine? I love that man and he loves me back, we are happy together and you got absolutely no right to march inside my apartment, without being called and question me for trying to happy.”

“I am trying to protect you.”

“I don't need your protection. I never did.”

There is a long moment of silence and I look up. I take a deep breath, force myself up and slowly walk over to the railing, my shaky hands leaning against the metal as I look down.

The living room and kitchen are empty, which makes me a bit confused, but then I hear the door close and footsteps. I can see Armie running his fingers through his hair, his shoulder hunched as he lets out a heavy sigh. When he turns around, he quickly looks up and our eyes meet. It doesn't take him much to notice that I have heard the entire thing and as he tries to speak, repeatedly opening and closing his mouth, I simply shrug my shoulders.

“It's alright.”

Never have I said such a big lie.

  
  


********

 

The curtains are open as usual, the bright sunlight coming in and illuminating the entire apartment, which is quiet and all of a sudden seems too small. Armie and I are sitting on opposite stools on the kitchen counter, our heads down, eyes locked on our plates as our breathing -and the scratching of the fork on the plate- becomes the only audible sound.

We haven't been this quiet since our awkward weeks post first our kiss; back then an awkward silence was bad but understandable, but after two months together, after confessing our love and experience the most amazing time together, an awkward silence seems threatening.

I was scared of even asking Armie what had happened, why his sister reacted the way she did. While Armie was probably embarrassed for making me go through all of this, hear as his sister contested our relationship. The very few times he looked me in the eyes ever since she left, he looked sad, confused, sorry and agitated. I want to wrap him around my arms and hug him tight, tell him that everything is okay. But is it okay?

I have a mix of feelings going through me right now. In a way, I know I shouldn't give a damn about what Catherine said, because I love Armie and he loves me too. But I simply can't ignore the fact she is his sister and family seems as important to him as it does to me.

I would hate anyone who ever came in between me and Pauline, so I really don't want to be the guy who caused two siblings to part ways.

I take a bite of my eggs, lazily chewing it as I look at him from under my lashes. He is moving his fork around the plate, biting on his bottom lip while his free hand grips onto the counter. His knuckles are turning pale and so is his lip, but he doesn't stop. He is trying his best to keep his mind off of what is going on.

My phone vibrates on top of the counter and when I look at it, I see a new text from Ansel. I had texted him the second everything happened, trying to ease my confusion and agitation by talking to someone.

 

 ** _Ansel:_** **_[10:00 a.m.]_** _Are you okay?_

_                               What exactly happened? _

 

I wet my lips, my leg bouncing as I try to decide on whether to text him back or not. My eyes suddenly meet Armie´s and we stare at one another for a moment; he silently nods and I do the same before reaching for my phone. I stare at the blank space, the cursor blinking as it waits for me to type something.

 

**_Timothée: [10:05 a.m.]_ ** _ Can you meet me at the park? _

_                                       Kind of feel like doing this in person. _

**_Ansel: [10:06 a.m.]_ ** _ Are you okay? _

**_Timothée: [10:07 a.m.]_ ** _ Yes… _

_                                       Maybe _

**_Ansel: [10:09 a.m.]_ ** _ Im heading to the park now _

_                                Meet you there in five _

**_Timothée: [10:11 a.m.]_ ** _ Thanks _

 

When I look up from my phone, Armie is already standing by the sink, washing the dishes. I hop off of the stool, shove my phone into my back pocket and slowly -and quite shaky if I am being honest- walk over to him. I let a hand rest on his shoulder and he stops, slowly turning to me and trying to put on a smile.

“I am gonna go now.” He nods but even that movement is almost imperceptible. “Ansel is waiting for me at the park and…”

“You don't have to explain yourself, Timothée. I know this is the last place you want to be in right now and, believe me, I can fully understand you.”

“Armie, I am not mad, I…”

“You should be,” his voice rises up a notch now, but it is still very low. “I know I am.”

“Being mad is not gonna change anything.”

He shrugs and places the plate down on the sink before turning around. Armie forces himself to smile, to look as if he is not going through a whirl of emotions, but his eyes betray him.

“Go to the park, try to make the best out of this day. You deserve it.” I nod slowly and he leans in, kissing me quickly before turning back around and going back to the dishes.

I stand still for a moment, wanting to say something but definitely not sure of how to even begin. I take a deep breath, turn around on my heels and walk to the door as fast as I can. For the first time ever since I stepped in this apartment, I am relieved to be leaving and it crushes me to feel this way.

I enter the elevator, find shelter in the corner and tuck my hands in my pockets. Only when the doors close and the elevator starts going down, taking me away from him is that I feel the tears fill my eyes and I wonder if I did the right thing leaving him all alone.

  
  


*******

  
  


The sun is high in the sky and the weather is surprisingly warm for this time of the year; if I wasn't going through such a confusing moment, I would have loved to just sit down on the grass and enjoy the day.

When I make it to the park, Ansel is waiting for me on the entrance closer to my apartment building, eating a hot dog and talking to the vendor. I give the man a quick nod and a smile, then walk away with Ansel. My fingers play with the sleeve of my sweater as I tell him what happened between Armie and Catherine, trying to be as objective as possible when not even I know how to process the whole thing.

“This doesn't make any sense. Why would she be so pissed at him for dating you?”

“She is worried about his career.”

“He's thirty two years old, Tim, he doesn't need his baby sister to worry about his career or his love life.”

“Well, that's what she claimed she was doing.”

“And what did Armie say about the whole thing?”

“Nothing.” Ansel looks at me with an eyebrow raised and I sigh. “When you texted we were in the middle of the most awkward breakfast we ever had, we didn't share a word the entire time and when we did was because I had to tell him I was leaving.”

“Okay, let me get this straight. His sister barges in his apartment unannounced, they have a fight because she doesn't really accept your relationship, he sends her away and you don't talk about it?”

I bite on my lip, nodding my head slowly as he sighs.

“What the fuck is wrong with you two?”

“We were both caught off guard, Ansel. We were sleeping peacefully, suddenly she´s there and acting kind of crazy. Neither one of us knew how to approach the situation, what to say to each other.” I groan, pushing my hair back and just trying to think straight. “He told me it was okay to be mad, but I am not even mad, I'm just...confused.”

“I can understand why neither one of you could really find the right words. You love each other and that's pretty clear, but it's his sister we are talking about so things are a bit more delicate. You will have to talk about this, though.”

“I know, i just don't wanna do it right now.”

Ansel stops and takes a hold of my arm, making me stop abruptly. “Please, tell me you are not gonna avoid him like you did after your first kiss.”

“He's my boyfriend, Ansel, of course I won't avoid him.”

“I don't know, when it comes to Armie, you change completely.”

I furrow my eyebrows. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“That you are so keen on making things work perfectly, that you start overthinking. It happened with the first kiss, it happened on your first date, it happened just a couple of weeks ago when you went on and on about how you wanted to leave some of your clothes at his place, but you were not sure he would like it.”

I furrow my nose and look around, not really in the mood to look Ansel in the eye right now. I hate the fact he knows me so damn well.

“Just take some time for yourself this afternoon and call him tonight. Maybe have dinner together and talk this through. Just don't dwell on this on your own, tell him what you are thinking and try to help one another. I am sure he is not on his best self too considering his sister is the one causing all of this.”

I just nod, tucking my hands in my pockets. “I will think about it.”

  
  


********

 

It's nearly midnight as I lie alone in my bed, a warm blanket on top of me while I hug the pillow, which now smells like Armie. I have tried to clear my head and not to think about what had happened this morning, but no matter what I do, my thoughts always go back to that moment. Me coiled up on the bed, listening to them arguing about me as if I wasn't there.

I tried to text Armie many times, but could never come up with something I thought it was good enough. I have never been in a situation like this one, what can I say that won't hurt his feelings? I can't simply go around saying his sister is a bitch or anything. But is there even any other word I can use to describe her right now?

I hear my phone vibrate on the nightstand and reach for it. I lean on my elbows, unlock the phone and let out a sigh as I see Armie´s message there. God, I miss him.

 

**_Mr. Hammer: [11:58 p.m.]_ ** _ I didnt text before because I wanted to give you some space _

_                                           I know this morning wasnt easy _

_                                          I am sorry for how Catherine acted _

_                                         Never expected things to happen that way _

_                                        Please dont let that get into your head _

_                                        Love you _

 

I bite on my lip, trying to decide on what to write back to him. He is clearly hurt and as Ansel said, we need to talk and try to fix this, but I might need a bit more time.

 

**_Timothée: [00:05 a.m.]_ ** _ Please dont feel guilty _

_                                      I know this wasnt what you expected _

_                                     What neither one of us expected _

_                                    Love you too _

_                                   Always _

 

I sigh, lying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

 

**_Timothée: [00:08 p.m.]_ ** _ Please dont worry if I dont show up at class tomorrow _

**_Mr. Hammer: [00:10 a.m.]_ ** _ Take your time _

_                                           Good night. _

  
  


*********

  
  


The bookstore is quiet like most Monday afternoons, a day mostly schedule for adding new books, fixing price tags and dusting off the shelves and the books that are untouched for too long.

Sarah is on top of the ladder, her red hair cascading down her back, while she sings along to the low music that is playing. I am sitting on the stool, trying to concentrate on the list of new books that have arrived a while ago, but finding it hard to do so. Concentrating has been something I am lacking ever since yesterday morning.

I groan to myself, tired of sitting and get up, reach for the new price tags and head over to the display. I start working on that, momentarily filling my head with something else other than Armie and Catherine´s voices. I get so lost in the job that it takes me a while to process that the bell rang and that someone is inside the store.

I take a deep breath, trying to put on a smile and turn around. Suddenly I am face to face with a tall young woman, her blonde hair falling down her shoulders in waves and her blue eyes way too similar with someone else´s for me to ever doubt who she was. Not that I would, I had seen plenty of photos.

“Catherine?”

She smiles. “Timothée, it's nice to finally meet you.”

“Is it? Didn't seem like it yesterday.”

_ Okay, so we are dealing this with passive aggressiveness. Good to know. _

“Can we talk somewhere private?”

“What do you want to talk to me about?”

“My brother obviously.”

I look over at Sarah, who´s watching us with a confused look on her face. “Can you handle everything on your own? I need half an hour.”

“Is everything okay?”

I look from her to Catherine, not really sure of what to say. I nod my head anyway and Sarah mumbles an  _ okay. _

“I´ll be back as soon as possible, Sarah, no need to worry.”

She nods and I rush to the counter to grab my phone and my jacket. I lead Catherine out of the store and down the street to a small coffee shop, one where Sarah and I usually get our coffee from.

We both order something, my coffee ready in a matter of seconds since they already know my usual. I wait until Catherine has her cappuccino and then lead her to a table in a far corner, away from the few people on the shop and the windows. I have a feeling she hasn't told Armie about this encounter.

“So, what is this all about?”

“Look, I am not gonna apologize for what I did yesterday….” I scoff and her blue eyes intensely stare at me. “I may have been a bit harsh at some points, but I was saying what I was feeling. My brother worked his ass off to accomplish what he has today, his studio and his students. I don't want to see him lose any of that.”

“And you think I do? You think this is a game for me?” She sighs, her hands resting on the table as I lean forward. “I´ve been in love with your brother for over a year now, Catherine. I kept myself quiet, watching and dreaming of him from afar because I was afraid of what I was feeling, afraid of not knowing what he thought of me and even more afraid of the fact he was my teacher.”

She nods, takes a quick sip of her cappuccino and I do the same with my coffee.

“Even when we did kiss, I was confused and scared, I tried to keep myself away, forget what had happened, but I couldn't do it.  _ We _ couldn't do it.” I lean back on my chair, my eyes scanning every single expression she makes, or at least trying to. The woman seems impenetrable. “Your brother and I know the risks of our relationship, we know what's at stake here, but we also love each other and want to be happy.”

Catherine nods and mirrors my movement from just a minute ago as she leans forward on the table. “And you are both willing to jeopardize your ballet careers for this? Look, Timothée, there's nothing I want more than to see my brother happy, but he has already given up on way too important things because he is too sentimental, I can't see him…”

“Staying here instead of going to Russia while his dad was dying is not being  _ too sentimental,  _ Catherine. Armie did what he thought was best and he was in peace with his decision, so why can't you?”

“He was in peace? Because what I saw was a young man turning miserable the moment he said no to the one thing he had always dreamt of. I might have been just a teen, but I could see the sadness in his eyes, I could see the agony of the early days when he doubted himself and his decision. When my dad died, only six weeks after he declined the offer, I saw him lost and insecure.”

I take a deep breath, trying to get my thoughts straight. Armie had never said any of this to me and I can't decide if I should believe Catherine or not. I count to ten, take another deep breath and lean closer to her.

“That was ten years ago, Catherine. Things have changed, Armie has changed and you have been around the world, so I doubt you really know what's been going through your brother´s head lately.”

“And you do?”

“More than you? Definitely.” She sighs, leans back on the chair and we stare at one another for a long moment of silence. It's pretty clear to me why she is here with me this afternoon, although why she hates the idea of me and Armie being together is still a bit of a mystery. It's hard to believe this is only because I am his student. “You are here for one reason and one reason only, so why don't you go straight to the point?”

“Which is?”

“You want me to break up with him. You talked to him, it clearly didn't work, so you decided to come to me. Pour me your fear of him losing his students, tell me how bad he was after he gave up on Bolshoi. All of this so I would get so caught up on this thoughts that I would end up breaking up with him, because the last thing I want is to be the reason why he loses something that is so important to him.”

“So you do understand my point.”

“No, I don't understand why you're being a bitch about this whole thing. Or why you can't let your brother decide what's best for him. He is not a child, Catherine, he is thirty two years old and can make up his own mind. If he wants to be with me, against all odds, then you better believe I won't be giving up on him.”

I get up from the chair and head out of the coffee shop as fast as I can, not even looking back. I take deep and long breaths once I am out on, trying to get my heart beating to calm down as I walk down the street. I reach for my phone, check the time and bite on my lip. It's almost five, Armie´s class will be over any minute and I feel a desperate urge to see him. I text him quickly and then turn the other way around, heading over to the studio.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armie talks to his sister. Timothée worries about their situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr might suck right now, but we still got AO3, enjoy the cute, the sad and the hopeful moments

We are lying under the covers, quietly staring at one another, legs intertwined, bodies pressed together and hands tracing each other's arms, shoulders, hair and face. Armie seems tired, his blue eyes are somehow heavy and he keeps blinking, probably a mix of a day of work and the tension from yesterday that still lingers on him. My fingertips trace his lip and I smile as he closes his eyes and lets out a sigh of contentment, the arm he has around my waist, pulling me incredibly closer.

We can hear the faint sound of rain outside, giving the whole apartment, which has all lights out, a very cozy vibe to it. I shiver, feeling a bit cold and watch as Armie opens his eyes in worry. I just shrug my shoulder and snuggle myself closer to him, burying my face on his neck and breathing him in. His large hand is now on my back, stroking it as he kisses my hair and forehead. I´ve never felt as safe as I feel when I am in his arms.

“We need to talk.”

His voice is calm and low and as I look up, he gives me a reassuring smile while his hand moves to my hair, pushing some of the curls back.

“Do we?”

“Yes, we do.” I pout and he shakes his head, moving slightly so we can see one another better. “I am extremely sorry for what happened yesterday morning, I could never imagine Catherine would do something like that, that she would behave like she did. I never had to go through anything similar to this with her and I just keep asking myself what is going on.”

I bit on my lip, my hand gripping onto his shirt as he sighs. His voice is still calm, but there is also some hints of desperation on it, mostly because he doesn't seem to know exactly what to say to make things better. Understandable, since he is not the one who should be apologizing.

“I know I should have talked to you yesterday after everything happened, but I could barely think straight back then, I could barely look you in the eye. I know I was an idiot, but…”

“Please, stop apologizing for things you didn't do and for the way your sister is behaving, because you have absolutely no control over her.” He looks at me and it's as if that phrase alone or the tone in my voice is enough for him to figure out there is something I haven't yet told him.

“Timothée, what is going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing.” He repeats as I nod and look down at my hands. “Then how come you can't even look me in the eye right now?”

“I'm not hiding anything, Armie, I just…”

_ Just tell him, you idiot. You lie to him and you will be making this whole situation a lot worse. _

“Timothée?”

He is sitting on the bed by now, eyes kind of worried as I sigh and push myself up. I chew on my bottom lip, my eyes down to my hands as I fidget with my fingers. I hate to be in this situation.

“Timothée, you're scaring the shit out of me now.”

“Catherine showed up at the bookstore today.” He arches an eyebrow and I nod my head. “She wanted to talk to me in private.”

“Jesus Christ, what did she say?”

“Basically the same thing she had said yesterday morning. She is worried about your career, she saw how bad you were after your father died and you had not gone to Bolshoi, she knows there was a moment you regretted that decision and that now that you have finally got this studio, a great amount of students and recognition for your work, is not fair that you lose it all because of...well, essentially, because of me.”

Armie gets up from the bed before I can even reach him, his hands grabbing onto his hair, his head down and groans escaping him.

“Armie…”

“I can't believe she went after you.” I sigh, rubbing my hands on my thigh as I try to ease off the nervousness inside of me. “She has crossed all the lines now. Who the fuck does she think she is? Who gave her the right to do something like this?”

“Armie…”

“I'm a grown man, I don't need my baby sister going around telling people what's best for me and…” He sighs, shaking his head before he turns to look at me. “I never regretted my decision not to go to Bolshoi. Of course it wasn't easy, but I knew what I was doing, I had thought things through.”

“Armie, listen to me.” He sits back down on the edge of the bed, head buried on his hands as I move closer, my hand resting on his shoulders. “You need to talk to her, just the two of you.”

“I know.”

“You have to tell her what you feel.” He simply nods and I wrap my arms around him, leaning my head on his shoulder. “I love you, okay? And if you feel like we need a few days apart from one another until you…”

“What? No, I want you here with me.”

“If you say so.”

“I'm sorry for making you go through all of this nonsense. You can't even tell your friends and family about us, it's not fair that you have to go through this too.”

“Hey, look at me.” He turns to face me with sad eyes and I cup his face in my hands. “Being with you is all that matters. Besides, we all need some drama to spice things up, don't we?”

Armie chuckles, shaking his head as I pull him down on the bed with me. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulls me closer and gives me a soft kiss on the lips.

“How did I survive all these years without you?”

I shrug, knotting my fingers on his hair and leaning our foreheads together. “I don't know, but you´ll never have to do it again.”

  
  


*******

 

I open up the curtains and take a look outside; the sky is grey, filled with clouds and it seems like it's gonna start raining again anytime soon. There streets are crowded already, cars, motorcycles and bicycles fill the roads, while the sidewalks are painted in all shades of black, grey and brown from people´s autumn´s clothes.

The sound of the kettle signals it's time to get back into the kitchen to finish breakfast and I lazily make my way over, turning off the stove and taking the toasts out of the toaster. By the time I hear the bathroom door open, everything is already set and I am sitting on a stool, sipping some of my coffee and going through the news on my phone.

I can hear his footsteps, but keep my eyes down until his lips are on my neck and his hand slides down my thigh. I giggle and look over at him, pecking his lips before he turns me around on the stool and place a full kiss on my lips. I grab onto his shirt, pull his body closer to mine and chuckle between the kiss as Armie stumbles forward. He grabs onto the counter for leverage and pulls away, laughing and shaking his head.

“One of these days you are gonna end up hurting me with your eagerness.”

“If that happens, I promise to take good care of you.”

“Will you give me a bath?”

“As many as you want.”

He smiles and pecks my lips once more before pouring himself some coffee. He steals a toast from my plate, despite my complaints, and has half of the thing in his mouth before he can even reach the stool across from mine.

Armie reaches for his phone  and starts going through it while eating his breakfast. All the while, I keep staring at him, biting on my lip and trying to figure out if I should or not ask him about Catherine. I know he texted her last night, I know he said he would talk to her, but I had fallen asleep so quickly, I don't even know if he had time to do it yesterday or if he was going to wait and do it in person.

“You do know I can feel you staring at me, right?”

“I'm always staring at you.”

He looks up and arches an eyebrow. “Just ask.”

“I don't know what…,” he rolls his eyes and I chuckle. “Have you talked to her?”

“I texted her and she called me back right after you fell asleep. We talked briefly, but I will meet with her for lunch and we will discuss all of this. I promise you everything will be okay.”

“Armie, I don't care what your sister thinks. Sure, it was a bit of a shock to start things the way it did, but as long as you are willing to be with me, nothing else matters.”

“She won't be a problem for us, that I can guarantee.”

  
  


******

 

I move some books away and place the packages down on the counter, careful not to squeeze my fingers and hurt myself. I reach for the box cutter, rip the top of package open and take some new books out of it, checking on the list I got on top of the keyboard to make sure everything's in order.

I take a brief look at one of the new books, one about dancing and instantly think about Armie and the first time I saw him here. I remember how freaked out I was to see him and how amused Sarah was to realize I actually knew him. To think at that time I had no idea we would get to where we are now, together and happy.

The door opens and I look up, expecting to see Sarah, who left to grab us some coffee, but actually come face to face with Ansel. I arch an eyebrow and watch as he approaches me, throwing his bag on the floor and leaning against the counter.

“I´ve been texting you for a few hours now, would be nice if you checked your phone from time to time.”

“Sorry, dude, work´s been a bit chaotic.”

“Yeah, I can see.” He looks around the place, furrowing his nose at the massive pile of books spread around every single corner. “What is going on here?”

“A bunch of new orders arrived this morning and we have to get this all catalogued and in place. It's a fucking mess and we clearly won't be done with it ´til five, but we gotta try to get as much done as possible.”

“What about the other issue in your life, you know, the one that doesn't involve books.”

I look up from the pile of books on my side and sigh, leaning my elbows on the counter as Ansel looks at me a bit worried.

“I talked to Armie and we solved our part of the whole thing. He was going to have lunch with his sister today and talk to her about everything that happened, but I texted him a while ago and got no answer from him.”

“Oh, so you do have time to check your phone.” I shoot him a look and he chuckles. “I'm glad you guys talked, but if everything is okay then why weren't you in class today?”

“I slept at Armie´s and only figured out this morning I didn't have any clean clothes there. By the time we left the apartment, I wouldn't be able to make it on time.”

“The perks of dating the teacher.”

“I wish I had all the perks you think I have. He sometimes lets me out of night classes because those are extra, but he still lectures me if I am late for class.”

“I have a hard time believing that.”

I shrug just as Sarah´s voice fills the room. We both look over to the door and she smiles at us while trying to take her hair out of her face and still hold onto three plastic bags and two cups of coffee in her hands. Ansel shakes his head and rushes over, taking the coffee away from her before she spills everything. She thanks him and finally pushes her hair back as she lets out a sigh.

“I said I wanted a coffee and a muffin, what is with all the bags?”

“I may have took the opportunity to buy some things I didn't have at home, that's why it took me so long.” I nod and she blows me a kiss, making me roll my eyes and Ansel chuckle. “Your muffin is on the this bag and your coffee is the bigger one.”

“Thank you.” I take a bite of the muffin, watching as she makes her way to the stock room and sigh, before turning back to Ansel. “Did I miss anything important in class?”

“No, he was quite chill today.”

Ansel´s voice has lowered down a notch, which is usually the case when we talk about me and Armie. As much as I'm okay with keeping our relationship private, always having to tiptoe around my own friends does get a bit annoying.

I take a quick look over my shoulder, making sure Sarah ain´t near. “How exactly was he? Because he is trying to look tough and all, but I know this whole thing affected him way more than he wants me to believe.”

“He had that serious face he always has, but he was a lot more quiet, even instructions were a bit limited today.” I nod, taking a few sips of my coffee as Ansel smiles at me. “Hey, I know you are worried and all, but give the guy some time to adjust to all of this, okay? He didn't expect his sister to show up and act the way she did, he is probably just as confused as you are.”

“I think he is more ashamed and disappointed than confused. The look on his face when I told him she had come after me was…”

“Hold on, she came after you?”

I nod. “That's what actually triggered me to go and talk to him. She actually had the courage to come to me and basically ask me to break up with him.”

“What the fuck is wrong with this woman?”

“I wish I knew for sure. She claims is because she is worried about him, but I don't know.” I sigh, trying to shake off the thoughts of Catherine. “Anyway, he will talk to her and hopefully this will all be the solved by the end of the day. Auditions are just around the corner, I have more things to worry about than Catherine liking me or not.”

“Who´s Catherine?”

I look over my shoulder at Sarah, who´s now leaned against the doorframe. “No one you know.”

She furrows her eyebrows, her eyes going from me to Ansel. “You two are full of secrets.”

  
  


********

  
  


I change the bags from one hand to the other, trying to level the weight of it all as I walk down the crowded streets. It's nearly nine and I still haven't heard from Armie, the silence inside my apartment was killing me and I decided to go out and do some grocery shopping. Anything to get my head out of whatever might have happened between Armie and Catherine.

I groan as I feel the first rain drops fall down on me and quicken my pace, hoping I can reach my building before the rain intensifies. Obviously, the universe has different ideas and not even a minute later, a torrential  rain starts falling, drenching my clothes, shoes and hair. I bring the bags close to my chest, doing my best to protect the products inside and run the last block to my building, rushing inside as fast as I can.

I curse to myself as I walk up the stairs, the wet clothes are clinging into my body and making a squeaky sound that makes me roll my eyes annoyance. Strange how a day that started out so incredible has turned into a shitty night, in which all I have done is worry and project things that are probably far from reality.

As I take the last flight of stairs, I can see a shadow moving on the darkness of the hallway. Normally I would freak out, take a step back or just turn the other way around, but it doesn't take me more than two seconds to realize who that body belongs to. The censor is activated the moment I reach the last step and the entire hallway lights up, which makes Armie look up.

I let out a sigh of relief as I finally see his face, but my body reacts in a completely different way than my heart and mind. Instead of quickening my pace, my feet seem to make the short walk from the stairs to my front door three times slower. It's like a part of me couldn't be happier to see him, but the other one dreads that he is here to tell me bad news.

He gets up as I reach him, rubbing his palms against his jeans before crossing his arms over his chest. He is tense, serious and I can't see that beautiful sparkle he normally has on his eyes. Whatever happened between him and his sister, it wasn't pretty.

“Hey,” his voice comes in a whisper, almost inaudible even with the quietness that surrounds us.

“Hey.” I try to smile, to ease the tension between us right now, but it's futile. Until we can solve this whole thing, there will always be a hint of awkwardness between us. “I...I tried to talk to you the entire afternoon.”

“Yeah, I saw it.”

I don't even know what to say at this point. He has seen my calls, my texts and yet he hasn't answered, not even to try to assure me that everything was okay with him. Even if it wasn't okay with  _ us. _

There's a long moment of silence, both of us staring at one another unsure of what to say, or at least, unsure of how to say the things we want. I bite on my lip, inhale deeply and let go slowly, trying to control my nerves as much as I can.

Without saying anything, I reach for my keys inside my pockets and open the door. Armie walks past me and I stare at him for a moment before locking the door behind me. He walks around the apartment, looking slightly disoriented as I make my way to the kitchen, setting the bags down on the counter.

I lean against it, close my eyes and count to ten. When I feel like I have reached a more calm state of mind, I turn around and walk over to Armie, who´s standing by the balcony door. We stare at one another, he bites on his lip and I sigh, tired of feeling so hopeless and confused.

“Armie, please, just tell me what happened. I have spent the entire afternoon wondering what was going on, building all these twisted scenarios in my head and I can't take it anymore.”

Armie tucks his hands in his pockets. “I am sorry. I didn't mean to worry you, I just needed some time on my own.”

“Was it that bad?”

“Lets just say it was draining.”

“I don't want half answers, Armie. I wanna know what happened and why you like this. I wanna know exactly where we are right now.”

“We are in the exact same place we were this morning, Timothée. I love you and I am not giving up on our relationship.” I sigh in relief and he takes a step closer to me, taking my hands in his and squeezing it softly. “I spent three hours with Catherine today, explaining to her that I get where she´s coming from, but that my decision is made. I told her that I´ve always known that embracing what I felt for you could be a risk, but I´ve also realized that not taking that risk is pushing my happiness aside. My career is very important to me, ballet is what I'm truly great at, but my career means nothing if I am lonely, sad and miserable.”

I keep myself quiet, my thumb brushing against Armie´s skin as I feel a couple of tears fill my eyes.

“I know the idea that out of all people my sister is the one going against us sucks, but I truly believe that this won't last much longer. Catherine is strangely over protective of me and she is very stubborn, but she is not stupid or mean, although right now she might look like she is.”

I chuckle but quickly cover my mouth, looking down as Armie comes closer and closes the gap between us.

“No need to be ashamed of saying or letting me see you are not my sister´s biggest fan.”

“Well, she is your sister.”

“And she´s been quite a bitch about this whole situation. Timothée, I would be surprised and worried if you were okay with the way she handled things. You are allowed to be mad.”

I inhale deeply and shake my head. “I don't wanna be mad, I just want us to be okay.”

“And we are.”

“Really?”

Armie nods, cradling my face on his hands. “The only way I am giving up on this relationship is if you say you don't want me anymore.”

“That will never happen.”

“Then everything´s settled. With or without Catherine´s approval, you and I are together.” I smile and he leans down, placing a sweet kiss on my lips. I grab onto his jacket, pulling him closer to me and deepen the kiss for a brief second before Armie pulls away. “Now, how about you take these wet clothes off and I will run you a bath? If you stay like this any longer you might end up with a cold.”

“Okay.”

Armie takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom. He turns on the water and makes sure it's warm as I take off my clothes and toss it to the side. I watch him as he sets up the bath and then takes off his own clothes, adding them to my pile of my dirty clothes.

He steps into the bathtub and stands his hand out for me. I give it a squeeze and he smiles at me, helping me inside and then bringing us both down. I am now sitting in between his legs, my back pressed to his chest and my head leaned back against his shoulder. His hands roam through my skin, his lips leave soft kisses on my forehead and I close my eyes.

“Everything´s gonna be okay, Tim.” I smile as I hear his voice on my ear and nod my head slowly. “I love you, always remember that.”

I look up at him and can see that sparkle is there again. Not as bright, but definitely there.

“I love you, too.”

  
  
  
  



	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It´s Halloween and Mr. Hammer has a little surprise.

Our feet move from preparatory position to  _ en pointe _ , our hands resting on our waists, our chests projected forward and our chins up. We all look serious, lips pursed, eyes concentrated and ears ready to listen to Armie´s new command.

The moment his voice echoes, we move again, slowly turning into yet another position. This time we stand with left foot  _ en pointe,  _ while the right leg is raised to the side in a ninety degree angle. Once again we stand in position for a couple of seconds, the room in complete silence, the only sound being heard is our breathing.

Another signal and we move yet once again, this time doing an Arabesque with our arms in second position. Armie watches silently, his arms crossed as he leans against the mirror. He nods his head, snaps his fingers and we change positions again.

It's almost as if this is some kind of patience game he is playing on us. Every step and movement we make must be performed practically in slow motion, it must look graceful and not a word should be uttered. Honestly, I don't know exactly why he is making us go through all of this, but I am sure this all part of his preparation for Juilliard, so I take it all without questioning him.

Not that I have ever questioned his method as a teacher. Armie knows the business, he has been through the whole selection process in Juilliard, he knows the people who work there and what they want in a student. Every little thing he teaches us is with an intent and I trust him enough to know that if he thinks we should do this, it´s because at some point it will be necessary.

Not gonna lie though, going through this routine is tiring as hell and I would rather be doing  _ Pirouettes _ all over the room.

“...and the last one.”

My eyes wander quickly to the clock before I move to an  _ Assemble,  _ arms up in fourth position. He keeps us in position for a whole minute and then finally gives us a nod and signals for us to get back in preparatory position. I let out a sigh, feeling some sweat run down my neck and the clothes stick to my body, even if is fucking cold outside.

“This is it for today, class. You can all go now.”

There are some nods and small chatter as we move around, some collecting their things, some heading to the small locker room and others running out of the room as fast as they can. I grab my bottle of water and take a few sips of it; I remove the tie from my hair and run my fingers through it, trying to make sure the curls are tamed and I look presentable.

“Wanna go grab something to eat? I am starving and I don't feel like going home and cooking.”

Ansel nods. “Sure, just let me recover myself from this class. You could ask your boyfriend to tone down on the exercises, for a moment I thought I would collapse to the ground.”

“Oh please, stop being so dramatic.”

“I am not, I am being completely honest.”

I roll my eyes at him and take off my tank top, dry my sweat off with it and shove it back inside my bag. I put on a clean long sleeved shirt, change my dance shoes to sneakers and smile as I get up and feel Armie´s arms wrap around my waist. I haven't even noticed, but Armie, Ansel and I are the only ones left in the studio by now, which allows me to turn around on his arms and kiss his lips.

I can hear Ansel groaning in the distance, the zipper of his bag and footsteps, which quickly makes me pull away. I shoot him a look while wrapping my arms around Armie´s neck and he sighs, hands on his hips as he stares at us.

“I am not gonna stay here while you two make out, Tim.”

“We´re not gonna make out.”

“We are not?” I look over at Armie, who has a pout on his face and giggle while shaking my head.

“Sadly no. I'm gonna have lunch with Ansel, try to find myself a costume for tonight´s party and then head to work. Our make out session will have to be rescheduled.”

“That's a bummer.” He leans in to kiss me quickly, his fingers playing with the hem of my shirt. “But what party is this one you are talking about?”

“My girlfriend is throwing a Halloween party with some of her friends.” Ansel says before I can even open my mouth. “Maybe you could stop by with Tim.”

“Ansel…”

“It's a costume party, Tim, no one would know it's him.” I shake my head and Ansel rolls his eyes. “Besides, it's not like Olivia´s friends from cooking school will know who he is...no offense.”

Armie chuckles. “None taken, Ansel.”

“Seriously though, you two should go together. It's the perfect time to be together in public and yet have enough privacy that people won't know who you are.”

“You seriously don't need to…” There's a knock on the door before I can finish and my first instinct is to move away from Armie immediately. We all turn to the door, a sigh escaping me as I see Catherine standing there.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I just want to talk to you, Armie. You and Timothée, actually.”

“I think we´ve talked enough, Catherine.”

“Oh.” Ansel´s voice comes a lot louder than he expected and when we turn to look at him, is easy to see his cheeks turning a bright pink. He scratches the back of his head as his eyes wander from Catherine, to Armie and finally me. “I will just wait for you downstairs.”

I nod and take a step closer to Armie, holding onto him as Catherine gives Ansel a small smile and walks inside the studio, making sure to close to the door behind her.

“Look, if you came here to tell me once again how big of a mistake this is, you can save your breath and time. I am done talking to you about my relationship with Timothée, okay? If you are not okay with it, that's your problem, I won't waste my time trying to change your mind.”

Catherine sighs, her hands tucked in her pockets and her bottom lip trapped in between her teeth. She has a look on her face that I can't quite decipher, but it does remind me of Armie when he is in deep thought. They truly are very similar.

“That's not why I came here, Armie. I came here to say I am sorry, to try and fix what I have done.” I arch an eyebrow, Catherine´s blue eyes wandering to me and Armie´s grip on me tightening. “I was a bitch to both of you, but I truly had the best intentions at heart. The idea of you losing everything you worked so hard to get is terrifying to me, more than it should probably, but I can't help it. I worry about you, Armie, I just want the best for you.”

“Nice way of showing.”

She takes a deep breath. “Yes, I did things in the worst way possible, I played the Evil Queen when I could have easily talked things through, but sometimes we don't think, we act on impulse.”

I bite on my lip, my eye stuck on Catherine as she bounces from one leg to the other. She is clearly nervous, her voice is low and in her eyes I can see she is struggling to find the right words.

“Timothée, I am sorry for the things I said and for the way I behaved. If you never find the will to forgive me, I will understand, I probably wouldn't forgive myself either. But you and my brother clearly love each other and even on my crazy state of mind, I could see the happiness in his eyes as he talked about you, so…” She takes a few steps closer to us. “So I promise you, both of you, that I will make everything I can to guarantee that we will have at least a civil and respectful relationship from now on. You and my brother deserve it.”

“Catherine…”

I shake my head and disentangle myself from Armie, which makes him stop talking. I take the few steps left that separate Catherine and I and stand my hand out for her, a small smile on my face. No, I haven't forgiven her for the things she said and what she tried to do, but not only can I see she is trying, but I also know she is right. For Armie´s sake, we should have at least a respectful relationship.

“Maybe we can start all over again.”

She nods, shaking my hand. “I'd like that very much.”

I nod back at her and then feel Armie´s hand on my back, stroking it softly. He kisses my hair and pulls me close as Catherine looks at us.

“Knowing you the way I do, I know this wasn't an easy thing to do.” Catherine shrugs. “Thanks for coming here, sis, for trying to be better.”

“I know I am stubborn as hell, but sometimes I can see my mistakes.” Armie smiles at her and she lets out a sigh of relief. “I will leave you two alone now, I got some work things to do.”

Armie simply nods and she turns around, heading over to the door. Just as she is about to walk away, I shout out her name and watch as she turns around, a confused look on her eyes.

“Maybe the three of us could have dinner or something before you head back to Europe.”

I can feel Armie´s eyes on me as silence fills the room. Catherine seems shocked with the idea, but eventually a smile appears on her lips and she nods.

“Yeah, that can be a good idea.”

“We'll set something up then.” She nods once again and gives us a little wave before heading out of the studio. Armie turns me around, his blue eyes stuck on me and a look on his face that's a mix of confusion and amusement. “What?”

“Dinner with her?”

“She´s your sister, Armie. We may have started in the wrong way, but I want us to be able to be in the same room together, I want us to be respectful. I want you and I to work, and a good relationship with your family is part of that.”

He smiles and cradles my face. “You are unbelievable. I didn't think it was possible to love you even more, but you just proved me wrong.”

I shrug and he leans in, kissing me passionately as I get  _ en pointe  _ and wrap my arms around his neck.

 

*********

 

“You are late.”

“Good afternoon to you too, Sarah.”

I set the bag on the counter and lean in to give her a kiss on the cheek, chuckling as she squirms and looks at me with furrowed eyebrows. She opens her mouth to say something, but stops as she notices the bag and reaches for it, trying to take a peek inside.

“Nosy much?”

“What's with the new outfits?”

“Who says they are new? I went thrift shopping, trying to find a nice costume tonight´s party.”

Sarah raises an eyebrow, leaning her elbows on the counter. “You are going to the party?”

“Why so surprised?”

“For once you haven't gone out with us much lately.” I sigh, biting on my lip. “And you said yourself you were not so sure you were going, so I assumed that was your way to say no without really saying.”

“I genuinely wasn't sure whether I was going to or not, Sarah, but I have this voice in my head that says something nice might happen, so I decided to go.”

“Maybe your boyfriend will show up there, you know.”

“Sarah…”

She rolls her eyes and takes a step closer to me, her hands resting on my shoulders. “I don't know why you feel the need to lie to us, but it's pretty clear that there's someone in your life, someone you at least care about and that seems to care a lot about you too judging by how happy you are lately.” I swallow dryly, suddenly surprised at her words and slightly unsure of what to do. “But I´ve also noticed that you clearly don't wanna talk about this person, so I promise this will be the last time I will talk about this. Feel free to come to me and talk, if you need to.”

“Thank you, I…” I sigh, scratching my neck as I try to find the right words. “You are right, there's someone, but I rather not talk about it now.”

“Okay, whatever you want.” I smile and she winks at me. “Now, there's a pile of boxes on the back room and since you were late, it's your job to take care of it.”

“Oh, that's so not fair.”

“Yes, it is. While you were shopping around for your Halloween party, I was here dusting the shelves and fixing the new tags, so now it's your time to do the dirty work.”

I shake my head, placing my bags down on the floor and swirling around on my heels, heading to the back room. “Since I am an extremely nice guy I will do this, but this is your job, so I will remember this the next time you try to pull this stunt on me.”

“Tell me who your bae is and I will let you off the hook.”

“HA! Nice try, Sarah, nice try.”

  
  


*******

 

I enter the warehouse with a smile on my face, my eyes roaming around through the entire place, paying attention to every single detail of the decoration. There are skeletons and ghosts hanging from the ceiling, spider´s webs spread all over the building, the floor has dust all over it, some of the brick walls are splashed with red paint to make it look like blood and on the darkest corners, there are huge graves that look weirdly real.

Red, yellow and purple lights flicker all around the place; the bar is crowded and bartenders with very short clothes make a show as they prepare colorful drinks, all of them with a Halloween touch to them, of course. On the opposite side of the bar there's a stage, where a small indie band is performing some classic movie soundtracks.

I don't know who was in charge of the decoration, but whoever that person is, did one hell of a job.

I fix my suspenders and look around the place, trying to spot any familiar faces. It takes me a while, but eventually I see Ansel and Olivia -in matching outfits, of course- standing close to the food area. I walk through the crowd, bumping in some shoulders, trying my best to dodge most people, especially the ones with drinks on their hands.

Olivia smiles wide as she sees me and rushes over to give me a tight hug. I chuckle and hug her back, then pull away and take a good look at her outfit. She is dressed as Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman and Ansel is a very weird Richard Gere, if I do say so myself.

“I'm so glad you decided to come, Tim.”

“You guys did a terrific job here, Olivia. This place looks incredible, I have no idea how you guys managed to do all of this in two weeks.”

“Lots of sleepless nights.”

I chuckle and take a quick look around, tucking my hands in my jeans pockets. I can feel Ansel´s eyes on me and when I turn to face him, I arch an eyebrow in wonder.

“What exactly are you supposed to be, dude?”

“A New Yorker hipster.” He chuckles, shaking his head as I cross my arms. “What's so fun about that?”

“You don't really need a costume for that, do you?”

I roll my eyes and he laughs. Olivia hits his arm and he looks down at her, shrugging his shoulder.

“Sorry, Tim, but your friend here likes to play the asshole.”

“Oh, I know that very well.” He shoots me a glare and I smirk. “I'm gonna go get something to drink, do you guys want anything?”

“No, thank you.”

“Okay, I´ll be right back.”

They both nod and turn back to the band while I turn around and head over to the bar. I take a quick look at the drink menu and then make my order to the bartender, a tall and blond guy with beautiful black eyes, who winks and smiles at me. I smile back, but quickly turn around, leaning my back against the counter while I wait.

“Timmy!”

I look over my shoulder and smile as Sarah, dressed as Poison Ivy, runs over and wraps her arms around me. I chuckle at how tight she holds me and wonder how many drinks she has had, although knowing Sarah she might be completely sober and just having one of her rare moments of excessive affection.

“Damn Sarah, you look hot.”

“Oh I know, I'm sure if you weren´t gay you´d tap this.” She gestures to her body and I laugh, shaking my head. “Where´s everyone? I am here for ten minutes and have yet to find Olivia and Ansel.”

“They are over there, between the food and the stage.”

“Oh okay, I´ll go talk to them in a minute.” She leans against the counter, takes a look around us and then looks back at me. “Where is the boyfriend?”

“I didn't invite him.”

“What?” I shrug and she sighs. “Seriously, Timmy, what's up with this guy? Is he married and that's why you don't want to say anything?”

“I thought you were done asking me about it?”

“Touché.”

I giggle just as the bartender rushes to me and slides a tall glass over to me. Sarah and I both look at it, there's a red handprint on the glass and dry ice to look like there's smoke coming out of it. We look at one another, laugh and turn back to the band, my foot tapping on the floor as The Breakfast Club soundtrack comes on.

“Oh, I really like this song.”

“Let's go dance.”

Sarah nods and takes my hand, pushing me with her to the middle of the dance floor. “You seem very happy tonight.”

“Well, thank you.”

“Did your boyfriend give you a good workout before you came here?”

“Sarah!”

“I know I promised to shut up, but I can't.”

I shove the drink to her and she furrows her eyebrows. “Drink and keep your mouth occupied.”

“I should be offended, but I actually like this idea.”

I laugh and am about to say something when Ansel and Olivia join us, dancing and singing. Sarah wraps an arm around Olivia and they start dancing together, shouting every single word of the song and Ansel and I dance a bit more restricted to the side, letting them perform as best as they can.

 

******

 

“Oh my God, this is the best burger I have ever had in my entire life.”

Olivia chuckles, taking it away from me as I let my eyes go wide. She takes a bite of it and then hands it to Ansel, who shoves the whole thing in his mouth, making me gasp.

“Well, that's just mean.”

“You had five of this, Tim.”

“Let me live, will ya?”

I reach for another mini burger and take a bite of it, chewing with pure delight. My eyes wander around the food table, appreciating all the incredible food displayed there, trying to decide what to eat next. I bite on my lip, knowing full well I shouldn't exaggerate on food -especially fat ones- when I am so close to my audition, but reach for a mini chocolate pie anyway.

Before I can even think of getting a bite of it though, I feel Ansel nudging me and turn to look at him slightly confused. He is looking ahead, a look that's a perfect mix of confusion and amusement on his face.

“What?”

“What is he doing here?”

“Huh?”

He opens his mouth to answer, but what I actually hear is Sarah´s voice. “Timmy, what the fuck is Mr. Hammer doing here?”

I turn around and can actually feel my eyes going wide as I see Armie across the room. His hair is messy, his blue eyes wandering around the room as the lights dance on his face and on the most sexy firefighter costume I have ever seen.

I swallow dryly, trying to understand what the fuck he is doing here, but right now I can't even move, let alone think straight. I keep hearing Olivia and Sarah´s voice, they are asking questions, trying to get me to say something, but before I can even acknowledge what they are saying, I feel my feet start to move.

I cross the room in what seems to be slow motion; in my mind million of questions, my hands shaking and my legs feeling like they will turn into jelly at any second. Armie´s eyes find mine and he smiles, that dashing, wide smile that can bring me to my knees. I try to put on a smile too, but I am so fucking nervous, I know I can't.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

I sigh, playing with my suspenders to try and take the focus out of how nervous I am. I wet my lips, bounce from one foot to the other and after what feels like ages, finally find the strength to say anything with more than one syllable.

“Armie, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Celebrating Halloween with my boyfriend?”

I can't help but smile, the nonchalant way he says this, the little smirk on his face. Does he even understand how much risk we are taking here?

“Armie, we are not supposed to be seen together.”

“I know, but sometimes I get a little tired of that. Don't you?”

I sigh. “Yes, I do and I know it can get really frustrating from time to time, but your career is at stake here, Armie, we need to be careful.”

“I know that, I know that more than anyone, actually. And I´ll tell what, my career is very important to me, but you and our happiness is more important.” I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out, so I remain staring at him. “Having my sister here and seeing her reaction to our relationship made me realize a few things. Not everyone is gonna be okay with us being together, but we never know where this opposition is gonna come from. Maybe my students and their parents won't care, maybe your parents will hate me. All I know is that I want to be able to sit down and talk to your friends, I want to meet your parents and your sister.”

I can feel my heart pounding on my chest, my hands that were shaking before are also sweating now and I try, hard and long to find words that can work as an answer to him.

“In six weeks we can do all of this without any worries.”

“I might not be here in six weeks.”

“Armie…”

“Okay, that was a bit morbid, I´ll admit that.”

“Yes, it was.”

“Look, as much as I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you in the middle of the streets in broad daylight, I know that's not something we should do now. But it's also not fair that you can't even talk to your friends or your family about us, is not fair that we have to keep this to ourselves. Besides, this is New York, no one gives a damn about who we are.”

“That's what you think.”

“Look around you.” I arch an eyebrow and he nods, urging me to do so. “Look around and you´ll realize the only people paying us any attention right now are Olivia and Sarah.”

I bite on my lip as I see Olivia and sarah, their eyes locked on me and Armie as they whisper to each other. I turn back to Armie, letting out a sigh as he reaches out for my hands and squeezes them in his.

“This is crazy, Armie. If anything goes wrong your sister is gonna come at me with…”

“My sister promised to give us a chance, didn't she?”

“Yes, she did.”

“Besides, she was there when I was getting ready, she knows I am here.”

“And what did she say?”

“That I am stupid, but a good boyfriend.”

I giggle and he pulls me closer. “You are stupid.”

“But a good boyfriend?”

“Right now you are a crazy boyfriend, Armie.” He shrugs and I smile, my thumb brushing against his skin. “I understand everything you just said and believe me, I want us to be open and free too, but it's hard for me not to be scared of what might happen.”

“Timothée, if anything happens that will be my problem to solve.”

“You are part of my life, Armie, if anything happens to you, it affects me.”

“Jesus Christ, of all the things I thought we were going to have a problem with, coming to a Halloween party and possibly posting a part of your body on my Instagram was definitely not what I had in mind.”

“Stop making jokes, this is serious.”

“I am not making jokes, Timothée.”

“You really think this is a good idea?”

“I don't care if it's a good idea.”

“Armie…”

“I can't believe tying you up only took four words and this is taking all this precious time we could be having fun and drinking with your friends.”

I shake my head, grab a fistful of his uniform and pull him close to me. He leans his forehead against mine, a wide smile on his face as he brushes our noses together. I giggle, my hands moving to the back of his neck, tugging on his hair.

“Still think you are stupid.”

“I´ll take being a stupid, but good boyfriend any fucking day.”

I kiss him softly, our lips moving together slowly as he wraps his arms around my waist and closes the gap that still remained between us. I can't hear them, but I am sure Olivia and Sara are attentive and enthusiastic spectators of our little show.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying it and will tell you there´s still so much to happen between these two...good and bad, but mostly good. ;)


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff to light up the mood

It's almost two in the morning, the building is dark and quiet, the sensor turning on the lights every new flight of stairs we take. Armie has his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling my body close to his as I lean against his chest, my finger playing with the little details on his firefighter uniform.

I hook a finger on one of the belt looks and pull on his pants, making him smirk. When I look up, his blue eyes are staring down at me and I can feel myself blush a little at the intensity of it. He winks, leans down to kiss me and we nearly stumble on the stairs, which makes both of us laugh.

He signals for us to keep ourselves quiet and I nod, quickening my pace. We reach the door and Armie gives me enough room to reach into my jean pockets and fish for my keys. Once we are inside, we walk straight to the bed, falling down on it with a heavy sigh.

“This was actually quite an amazing night.”

Armie hums and runs his fingers up and down my arm, giving me goosebumps and making me smile. “It really was, although it seems like we broke Sarah. She didn't even say a word, she just stared at us and nodded her head.”

“I´ve been working with that woman for almost three years and I have never seen her speechless, Armie.” I turn to my side and look up at him. “I didn't know our kisses could be this powerful.”

He chuckles, shaking his head before he turns on his side too, his fingers leaving my arm and resting on my face. I lean in to his touch, bite on my lip and close my eyes, taking in a deep breath.

We stare at each other in silence for a while and I start to replay the moment I saw him on the party. How accelerated my heart was, how my mouth went dry and how I was shaking from head to toe. Incredible what being in love with someone does to you; I fear for his career more than I fear for mine.

When I feel his finger on my lips, I leave the trance I am in and focus my eyes on the beautiful smile he has on his face, before allowing myself to look down his body. I run my hands down the uniform and then tug on it, pulling him even closer to me.

“I didn't get to ask, but why on earth would you get a firefighter uniform?”

“Because I always thought that if I didn't make it as a ballet dancer, I would be a firefighter.”

I arch an eyebrow, not sure I have ever heard him talk about this before, but realize he is playing me the moment he starts laughing.

“For a second, I actually thought you were being honest.”

“Don't you think I'd have told you that before?”

I shrug. “That's why I was confused.”

“Actually, going to the party was a last minute thing and this was the only costume on the shop that actually fitted me.”

“Aww, my poor giant.” I cup his face and bring him down for a kiss, our lips moving together slowly, savoring every single second of it. “You look really hot, though.”

“Oh, I do?”

“Well, to be honest you always do, which is not really fair with us mere mortals. But this uniform does enhance some of your best attributes.”

“Which are?”

“The tone of your skin really fits with red, your eyes kind of pop up, your dark blonde hair also looks incredible contrasting with the dark red and the most important of it all, your beautiful, round and smooth ass looks marvelous.”

“This uniform makes my ass look better? Maybe I did choose the wrong profession.”

“Oh babe, this uniform does wonders to your ass, but nothing will ever come close to your ballet tights. The first time I saw you bend over in one of those...damn it, I had a semi for the rest of the class.”

Armie laughs and wraps his arms around me, rolling me on top of his body. I smile down at him as I start to unbutton the uniform, his fingers hooking on my suspenders and pulling them down.

“We have class tomorrow morning.” He says while unbuttoning my shirt and pushing it down my shoulders. I simply nod and lean down, kissing his neck and feeling the light stubble he has rub against my skin. “Will I ever be able to resist you?”

“No, you won't.”

 

********

 

I open the curtains, taking a look outside as I take in a deep breath and stretch out my arms. It's a little windy, leaves are falling on the ground, the sky is cloudy and it seems like it rained during the night. I smile to myself, run my fingers through my hair and take a look over my shoulder, biting on my lip as I watch Armie sleep peacefully on the bed.

I think about all the things he told me last night, the little sparkle in his eyes and the smile he had on his face throughout the whole thing, even when I was repeatedly telling him how terrible that idea was. I look outside again, watching the city come to life as millions of thoughts run through my head.

A quick look at the clock tells me it's 6:30 a.m. and I should start getting ready. I run over to the bathroom, take a nice and warm shower, put on my tights and tank top, prepare breakfast and while I wait for the toasts to be done, I reach for my phone and scroll through the dozens of pictures of me and Armie I have. I choose one where we are lying on the bed, legs intertwined and his hand on my knee, no face in sight. I add a filter, some shy emojis on the corner and then let it go on my stories. It's only after I am done that I realize my heart is pounding and my hands are slightly shaky.

The toaster bips, the two slices of bread pop up and I hop off of the counter, putting on a plate. I head over to the bed and climb on it, my finger running from Armie´s toes to his jaw, which makes him squirm and groan. I smile wide, doing all over again until he opens his eyes and shoots me a glare.

“Good morning, Mr. Hammer.”

“Good morning.” His voice is low and raspy, his eyes are barely open and his sleepy face is one of the cutest things I have ever seen in life. “What time is it?”

“Time for you to get up, have some breakfast and then head to the shower, or we´re gonna be late for class.”

Armie yawns, scratching his jaw and looking around the apartment. I pull on his hands and he groans loud as he sits up, the sheets doing very little to cover his naked body.

“Seriously, if you don't get up we´re gonna be late.”

“I'm up, I'm up.” He stretches out his long arms and legs, gets up from the bed and fishes for his boxers, putting it on as I head to the kitchen.

He joins me seconds later, pouring himself some coffee and taking a couple bites of his toast. I can see him looking around the counter and over to the oven, arch his eyebrow and then finally turn back to me.

“Just coffee and toast? Where´s the usual pancake or the eggs and bacon?”

“I'm cutting them out.” I can see the look of confusion in his eyes and chuckle. “Not for good, just gonna try to slow down on them for a while. Auditions are in five weeks and I need to be focused on it, I need to make sure my body is in shape and strong. I´ll try to cut out the fat and the alcohol, do more exercises even if I hate it and give my all during classes.”

“Timothée, it's great that you are focused on your audition, but please, make sure you don't overdo on anything, okay?” I nod and he reaches out for my hand, squeezing it. “I mean it, you do whatever you think it's best, but don't become a slave of this diet and workout routine. You are in perfect shape and your talent is outstanding, you don't need much.”

“Thank you, but I know there's still a few things, like my turnout, that I still need to work hard on.”

“Great thing I planned a whole class on turnout for tonight.”

I place my mug down on the counter as I look at him confused. “It's Thursday, Armie, there's no class tonight.”

“I rescheduled our classes.” I let my eyes go wide and he chuckles. “You wanted a night out to go to the Halloween party, but like you just said yourself, we´re five weeks away from the auditions, so I will see you tonight.”

I shake my head, rolling my eyes as he shrugs. “I really don't get any perks with you, do I?”

“You get to kiss me, hold me and get very useful tips no one else has. Isn´t that enough?”

“You're a tough cookie, Mr. Hammer.”

He hops off of the stool and looks around the apartment for a second. He then walks to the armchair and grabs his phone, taking a look at it and then looking over at me with a smile. He shows me the photo and I blush, scratching the back of my neck as he smiles wide.

“You chose a great one.”

“I think so too.”

He gestures for me to walk over to him and I obey in a second. When I reach him, Armie wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my body close to his, his lips on mine in an instant. I grab onto his his hair as I deepen the kiss, pressing myself against him and smiling through the kiss as I feel his fingers brush against my skin.

“You really should go take a shower.” I say in between kisses and he nods. He kisses my neck, shivers running down my spine, my eyes closed in pure bliss and a smile on my face.

 

******

 

“You guys can stop now.”

Armie´s voice is like a switch, the moment he said  _ stop _ we all immediately interrupt the movement we are making and sigh in relief. I lie down on the floor, rubbing my face and trying to get my breathing back to normal as I feel the sweat run down my body. For the past two hours we´ve been alternating between turnout practice and stretching exercises, and I think I speak for everyone else when I say it was extremely demanding.

I sit back down, reach for my water bottle and chug down on it, feeling the still cold liquid sooth my body a little bit. I look over at Armie and he is going through some pages of his sketchbook, probably taking a look at some notes he had done previously. I watch as he makes his way back to the front of the studio, standing in front of us with arms crossed and the usual serious look on his face.

“For the next part of the class, we´re gonna work in pairs. Pas de Deux is extremely uncommon during auditions, at that moment they are there to judge you by your individual strength and not your collective work. But it's important that you are well trained in all aspects of the dance, because the moment you get your spot there, anything can happen.”

We all nod, taking quick looks at one another. It's easy to see that the tension for the auditions is starting to get the best of us; we all want to be on our best, prove to ourselves, to Armie and to all the amazing teachers in Juilliard that we are capable of great things.

“So for the next part of our class we´re gonna do some intense work on your high jumps and lifts. High jumps are easy to be found in solos, but lifts are restricted to group work and not only requires strength and discipline, but also requires a lot of trust on the person you are working with. That's the main thing I want you guys to work on, that's why you're all gonna work together today. For the next two hours, you´ll switch pairs and work on a routine of high jumps and lifts, nothing too extreme, but that will give you strength and help you practice.”

We nod and Armie gestures for us to get up, which we do it immediately. He starts separating us in the first set of pairs and I am left with Paul, who gives me a quick nod and a smile. We never really talked much and Paul only went out with us once, so it's not like we know much about one another. All I know is that after my little jealousy towards him, I am sure Armie did this on purpose.

“Okay, now that the pairs are formed, I will show you guys the routine you will follow.” He looks around the room for a few seconds until his eyes land on me and Paul. “Mr. Chalamet, would you come forward and help me show the rest of the class the routine?”

_ Oh, he's such a smart ass, isn´t it? _

I take a deep breath and walk to the front of the room, standing next to Armie while I bite my lip. His hands land on my waist and he turns me around, so I am now facing the mirror; there´s a small, almost imperceptible smirk on the corner of his lips and I have to take long breaths to control myself. Armie lifts my arms and then returns his hands to my waist, all the while making sure to tell the rest of class exactly what we have to do. 

His grip on my waist tightens and he lifts me up, smoothly and elegantly; I keep my chin up, my eyes locked on my own reflection and when Armie brings me down, I make sure to land with my whole feet on the floor, doing a _ plié _ . He then changes my position; right leg  _ en pointe _ while the left is perfectly extended to the side. One of his arms wraps around my waist, while his other hand supports my extended leg; this time he lifts me up just a couple of centimeters away from the floor and then does a spin.

The whole thing is so surreal, being this intimate with Armie but masquerading it all as usual practice makes my heart pound inside of my chest and my palms sweat a little bit. He pulls me down once again, turns me around so I am facing him and puts my hands on his shoulders. When he propels me up, my legs are suppose to form a four and once I am high in the air, I open my arms in second position.

It only lasts a nanosecond, but I can still catch a glimpse of Ansel looking at me with a smirk plastered on his face. I try not to pay much attention to it, otherwise I know I will end up cracking up or blushing and that is definitely not a good idea.

After Armie puts me down again, he turns to face the class and calmly explains the next part of the routine. He gestures for me to step back and I take a couple of steps away from him; he nods and I inhale deeply before doing three high jumps until I reach Armie, who grabs onto my waist and lifts me off of the ground, spinning me around and then placing me back down.

This goes on for a couple more minutes, Armie patiently explaining to us exactly how we should execute the steps. Once I am back to my pair, he gives us some final instructions and then hits play on the music, letting it play low on the background as we try to follow his instructions.

  
  


*******

 

I make it to my apartment shortly before midday and head straight to the shower, washing away the sweat after four long hours of class. I sigh as the warm water hits me, relaxing my muscles and easing out the soreness that has spread out through my entire body. I stand there for a few minutes, eyes closed and the water cascading over me until I finally turn off the shower and step out.

I grab some clean clothes on the closet and quickly put them on before heading to the kitchen, looking through the cabinets and the fridge to try and find something for me to eat. I put some music on my phone and start working on lunch, a grilled chicken breast and Caprese salad; nothing too heavy, but enough to fulfill me. I take some fruits out of the fridge, add them all to the blender and make myself a vitamin.

By the time I sit down on the stool it's almost 1:30 p.m., but since I got no work today, I patiently eat my lunch and check out my phone. There are messages from Sarah and Olivia, all of them asking about Armie of course; there are also messages from my mom, who wants us to meet for  lunch on the weekend and a notification from Armie´s Instagram account.

I bite on my lip, click on the notification and am instantly directed to his page, where there's a new photo. A wide smile spreads across my face and I see the photo he took here not even a week ago; my counter set up for dinner, plates filled with pasta and wine glasses. The caption,  _ pesto for two,  _ is a direct reference to something he said that night and each second that passes, my cheeks hurt more from keeping the huge ass smile I got in my face.

_ How is this man real? You got very lucky, idiot. _

I sigh in contentment, shaking my head as I imagine the look on his face as he posted that photo. It's almost as if he is standing right in front of me, almost as if I can see him smiling wide, blue eyes sparkling as little wrinkles show up on the corner. I am very lucky indeed.

I finish eating and wash out the dishes, before reaching for my phone and heading to bed. I sit down, back leaned against the bedpost and scroll through my contact list. I find Pauline´s name and click on it, pressing the phone to my ear as I eagerly wait for her to answer.

“Bonjour.”

I smile as I hear her voice, my heart beating faster in anticipation for this conversation. “Salut Pauli. Comment allez vous?”

“Je suis génial. Et vous? Vous semblez très joyeux.”

I sigh, nodding my head even though I know she can't see. “I am, I really am.”

“Oh, you got me curious now. What is going on?”

“I have something to tell you, something I wish I could have told you earlier, but better late than never, right?”

“Timothée Chalamet, what the fuck are you hiding from me?”

“I´ve got a boyfriend.” I can hear her squeal on the other side of the line and can't help but laugh. “For two months now….well, actually a little over two months.”

“Wait, what?” Then comes a moment of silence and I bite on my lip. “You´ve been dating someone for two months and I am just hearing about it now? What the fuck, Timmy?”

“I'm sorry, but the situation is a little complicated.” Pauline remains silent and I take the chance to keep on going. “We both love each other, we are having the time of our lives together and I truly never felt so connected with someone as I do with him…”

“But?”

“But he is my teacher.”

“He's your what? What the fuck are you….oh my God.” I hear her gasp and then everything goes silent for a long period of time.

“Pauline?”

“Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

“What do you think I am saying?”

“You're dating Mr. Hammer?”

“Yes, yes I am.”

“How the hell did that happen, Timothée? Last time we talked you said you were trying your best to move on, to focus your attention only on the audition and let your love life to some other time.”

“Yeah well, as you might have noticed this by now, by the time I told you this Armie and I were already going out.” She simply hums and I chuckle. “A few weeks after our first kiss, I had to confront him. I couldn't handle the tension between us anymore, classes were not going any anywhere and when I finally got the guts to speak, so did he.”

“So he really was just into that kiss as you were.”

“After I confronted him, and made a fool of myself I might add, he kissed me. And it wasn't just a normal kiss, it was a fucking great, movie like kiss that left me breathless and disoriented.”

“Timmy?”

“Yes?”

“I´ve never heard you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Happy. I mean, I have seen you happy many, many times, but nothing like this. I can hear it, in every single word you say, just how much he means to you.”

I lean my head against the bedpost, closing my eyes and allowing a smile to come to my face. “Paulie, I wish I could explain, but I can't put into words what I feel when I am with him. We´ve been together for a little bit over two months, we have had some issues already and yet, every single time I see him, my heart beats faster and I can't help but smile. I love him so much is nearly scary.”

“You should never be scared of loving someone, mon amour. But I need you to back it up a bit and tell me what kind of issues are those, because your voice altered a little bit there, so it was important.”

“His sister is in town and…” I let out a heavy sigh and slide down until I am lying on the bed. “Let's just say she wasn't really happy with the situation. She said some things that truly upset me and left Armie confused, sad and ashamed.”

“She didn't know he was into guys?”

“Oh no, she knew for years. Her problem is that I am his student and that can cause him problems.”

“Well, I can see her point.”

“Pauline!”

“What? The fact you are his student could cause him problems and I am sure you are both aware of that, that's probably the reason why I am just now hearing about this relationship.”

“Yes.”

“Anyway, how are things right now? Is she still mad?”

“She says she wants to start over. She claims she knows she said things that she shouldn't have and even if she is still scared for Armie´s career, she can see he loves me and for that reason she will try to be better.”

“It seems to me she made a mistake and is at least trying to find a way to make it better. Don't be too hard on her, Tim, try to build a relationship.”

“I will, Armie deserves that.”

“Okay, I need to know every single thing about Armie.” I laugh as she says his name in a singing voice. “And I mean everything, even the dirty bits.”

“Oh, I have a lot of those.”

Pauline laughs loud and I smile. “Oh you bastard. Come on, tell me everything, we don't have all day.”

“Where should I ever start?”

“I thought I´ve made it very clear, Timothée. I want the dirty bits, for fuck´s sake. I have seen that man, I need to know if everything goes as I have imagined.”

“Pauline! Have you fantasized about my boyfriend?!”

“Fantasize? No, I haven't. Wonder about some of his attributes? Definitely.”

I shake my head. “Damn it, maybe this is a family thing.”

“Timothée, stop trying to distract me and start talking.”

“Okay, okay. Let's see….”

 


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys and Catherine have dinner together.

“Fuck…” A quick look at the clock and I see it's almost seven, my hands are slightly shaky, my heart is accelerated and I keep telling myself this was a bad, like really bad idea.

“Hey, calm down, okay?”

“Armie is almost seven, we still need to finish the quiche and I need to take a shower. How on earth do you want me to calm  down?”

“Tim, you are freaking out here. You have to relax a little bit.”

“Your sister will be ringing that buzzer at any moment, Armie. Is truly astonishing to me that you are so calm about it.”

“Who says I am calm? I am fucking terrified of how this dinner is gonna go down, but if we both freak out, then it's guarantee for disaster.”

Armie smiles, takes a step closer to me and holds onto my shoulders. He takes a long breath and shoots me a look, encouraging me to follow him. I do so, rolling my eyes in the process and hearing him laugh. When I exhale, my eyes stuck on his, Armie simply smiles and nods his head. It's his way of saying everything will be okay, or that he will at least try to make sure everything is okay.

_ Trust him. Take deep breaths and try to relax. Nothing good will come out if you keep over thinking. _

I take a couple more long breaths, close my eyes and count to ten. When I finally feel like my body is starting to relax a little bit, I open my eyes and try to put on a smile for Armie.

“I'm okay.”

He nods. “Why don't you go take a shower and get ready? I will finish cooking dinner.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, you need to unwind a little bit before Catherine gets here.”

“Thank you.” I lean on my tip toes and kiss him softly for a second, then turn around and rush to the bathroom. “Don't forget to take a look at the brownies in the oven,” I say while poking my head out of the bathroom.

“Timothée, I can handle this. Just go take your shower.”

I nod and close the door again, taking off my clothes and rushing to the shower. I close my eyes, a long sigh escaping me as I try to relax my mind and my body, focus my attention only on this moment and not on how the rest of the night might go by. I was the one who had the brilliant idea of inviting Catherine for dinner, I need to pull myself together and just handle the situation like a grown man.

Long minutes later, after a lot of thinking, projecting and self loathing for all the projecting, I finally make it out of the shower. Once I am out of the bathroom, Armie has already set everything on the counter and is taking the brownie out of the oven. The smell is great and he looks over at me with a smirk as he takes a few chunks of it and tosses into his mouth.

I simply roll my eyes and head to the closet, going through almost every single piece of clothing I got. I smile and close my eyes as I feel Armie´s arms wrap around my waist; I lean back into his body, resting my head on his shoulder and he kisses my forehead.

“I love that you are focused on making this all work, but you got to stop.” I open my eyes, staring at him a little confused. “You are stressed, worried and desperate to make sure everything seems perfect, but we are not the ones who need to prove a point here. Catherine is the one who messed up and promised to start over, to be a better person. We just need to be who we are every single day, because we´ve done absolutely nothing wrong.”

“I know all of that, but it's easier said than done.”

“I know and I am sorry for making you go through all of this.”

I turn around on his arms, shake my head and take a fistful of his shirt. “Stop apologizing for things you have no control over, okay?” He nods and I kiss him, smiling as he deepens it and runs his hand down my back to my hips. “Now, why don't you go find something to do on the kitchen before we get too carried away? I still need to put on some clothes.”

Armie chuckles, kisses my lips once again and then heads to the kitchen just as I turn back to the closet. What does one wear for dinner with your boyfriend´s sister? And one that doesn't necessarily likes you that much.

_ Oh for fuck´s sake, just pick something. If she already doesn't like you, your outfit will be the least of your problems. _

I finally grab some clothes and put it on just in time to hear the intercom buzzing. For a second it's like I have stopped breathing and when I look over my shoulder, Armie is standing there at the counter, biting on his lip.

He gives me a reassuring smile and heads to the door, answering the intercom and allowing Catherine inside the building. I look at myself in the mirror, run my fingers through my hair and once again try to put on a smile on my face.

Soon enough there's a knock on the door and Armie opens, smiling down at his sister, who holds up a bottle of wine.

“My peace offer.”

 

******

 

We sit around the counter quietly. Only a couple of words were shared between us and most of the time Armie had to pull out his best teacher vibe to actually get something out of me and Catherine. This was not how I expected things to go, but I guess I would be too much of a fool if I actually thought for one second that things would go by smoothly between us. Just a week ago, Catherine was shouting at Armie for being with me; the fact the three of us can actually sit down together and have a meal is a already a big improvement.

We are nearly done when Armie´s phone starts ringing, the sound startles us and we all turn to look at it as it lays on the far corner of the counter. He hesitates for a moment, looks at us and I nod my head, trying to let him know everything is gonna be okay. Armie remains on his seat, chewing on his bottom lip as Catherine looks in between us.

“Go get it, Armie, it might be something important.”

He nods and hops off of the stool, grabs the phone and heads over to the balcony, closing the door behind him. Catherine gets up as soon as he does so and collects our plates and glasses, taking it to the sink.

“You don't have to do this.”

“You guys worked on dinner, this is the least I can do.”

She has a small smile on her face and I simply nod my head. As she turns her attention to the pile of dirty dishes, silence falls upon us once again. I bite on my lip, tap my fingers on the counter and bounce my legs up and down. Anything to try and get rid of the awkwardness.

My eyes turn to Armie, who wanders around the balcony with the phone pressed to his ear. Then I look over at Catherine, millions of thoughts going through my head until I finally let out a heavy sigh, build up enough confidence and hop off of the stool, grabbing a cloth as I join her by the sink.

“You wash and I´ll dry.”

She looks at me and nods, her blue eyes kind and apologetic. “I really feel like I should say sorry again. The things I said about your relationship with my brother, nagging you on your job and implying such a terrible thing. I was really out of line and I can see that now.”

“It's okay, we don't have to talk about this anymore.”

“Of course we do. It took me a very long and difficult conversation with Armie for me to start seeing things in a different way. Also, I know it doesn't justify my actions, but I am really proud of everything he's accomplished and that makes me very protective of him and his career, because I know how much he fought for it.” I can only nod at this, not really sure of what to say. “He told me you have a sister, so maybe there's a part of you who can understand me.”

“I understand where your fear comes from. But as a brother and as a man who really knows my sister, I know neither one of us would have ever acted the way you did.”

Catherine nods, turning her attention back to the dishes. “Thank you for being honest, Timothée. And for even allowing me anywhere near your apartment after everything I did and said.”

“You're Armie´s sister, Catherine, I want us to have a good relationship.”

She turns to face me, leans against the sink and smiles a little. “You really do love him, don't you?”

I place the plate down, a wide smile on my face as I look at her. “More than anything in the world. And I worry about him too, okay? I know you are probably hating this idea of not being so secretive of our relationship, but I will do my best to guarantee that his job won't be at harm.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

She shrugs. “For making my brother feel loved and for being someone he can trust.”

“No need to thank me for that.”

“I want to do it anyway.” I shrug and she bites on her lip, clearly pondering whether or not to say something. “One last thing.”

“Yes?”

“You might never believe me or truly forgive me for what I did, which wouldn't surprise me at all because I know I was a major bitch. Just know that I am never gonna say or do anything else that might jeopardize your relationship with my brother, okay?”

“Okay.”

Catherine nods and goes silent for a second, before letting out a few giggles, which makes me arch an eyebrow.

“My dad always said he was kind of scared of me, because I really knew how to be aggressive. Guess this last week made me realize he was right all along.”

We both chuckle just as the door to the balcony opens and Armie steps back into the apartment. He walks over to us slowly, a confused look on his face as his eyes wander from me to Catherine.

“Is everything okay here?”

Catherine nods and hands him a glass and the sponge. “Here, you wash this while I go to the bathroom.”

He can only nod as she walks away and locks herself on the bathroom. When his blue eyes finally find me, I smile up at him and he steps closer.

“You two were laughing?”

I shrug. “We talked a little bit, I think we can make this work.”

Armie wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me close. Our lips lock in a sweet but short kiss, his thumb rubbing my back through the shirt.

“I'm glad we are headed towards a better place with her. I really am.”

I nod. “So am I.”

 

******

 

Tears fall down my cheeks as I throw my head back, laughing and contorting myself as Armie tickles my stomach. I try to get away from his grip, moving around the bed, kicking and squirming, but it's all futile. Armie laughs, buries his face on my neck and gives me soft bites; there's like a thousand different things going through my body and I couldn't even begin to express them.

But the world  _ bliss _ would be a nice way to start.

“Stop it. Please, stop it.”

My voice is low, I am breathless and my face is burning. It takes a couple more seconds, but Armie then stops, looking up at me and pecking my lips before he flops down on the bed on his back. He pulls me close, wraps his arms around my body and now it's my turn to bury my face on his neck while letting out a sigh.

“Relieved?”

I not and look up at him with a smile on my face, my fingers combing his golden hair. “Yes, I am. Dinner went better than expected and the conversation I had with Catherine was calm, respectful and necessary. So yeah, I am feeling quite well right now.”

“I'm glad. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a smile on your face.”

I peck his lips, my fingers curling on his hair and pulling it. “What was that call about, by the way? You didn't want to answer but spent quite a long time on it.”

“Maybe I was giving you and Catherine time to talk, thought about that?”

I shoot him a look, arching an eyebrow and he chuckles. “Cut the crap, will you?”

“It was an old professor from Juilliard. He was always very nice to me, gave me advice, helped me focus after my father passed away and always made sure I knew he was there for me if I needed.” I nod my head, slightly confused on where this going. “A few years ago he moved to California and made his dream come true. He opened an art school aimed at poor young people, where they have panting, music and dance classes. He's planning an event, where people from different areas will talk about their jobs and try to encourage the kids to pursue their dreams, cling into this instead of wandering to a more dangerous patch.”

“And he wants you to speak to those kids?”

Armie nods, a small and quite shy smile on his face. “Yes, he did.”

“Armie that's amazing. You're going, right?”

“Yes, yes I will go.”

“When do you have to be there?”

“The event is on Wednesday.”

“I'm so proud of you right now. This is such an amazing idea and you to be part of it, it only proves me what I already knew, which is the fact you are an unbelievably good person.”

Armie tries to stay cool, but I can see his cheeks getting slightly more pink, which makes me giggle and wrap my arms around him as tight as I can. 

“You know, there's a way to make this experience even better.”

“Which is?”

“Come with me.”

 

*******

 

“So you're going to California with him?”

I nod, a wide smile on my face as I sit on the floor with Sarah and Olivia while Ansel is by the door, grabbing the pizzas we ordered.

“One of his old professors from Juilliard asked him to speak in this event, share his experience with ballet and I did some research on the whole thing, it's such a nice project, it will be a great experience to go there and see it with my own eyes. Not to mention, it will be amazing to sit there and hear Armie talk to this crowd of young people, trying to inspire them.”

Ansel sits down with us, placing the pizza boxes in between the four of us. “I bet the fact you´ll be on the other side of the country, where no one knows you and you two will be able to be all over each other every second of the day definitely helps, huh?”

“It's not bad.” He shoots me a look and I roll my eyes. “Is great actually, spending some time with him, meeting someone who was important for him during his Juilliard time, maybe getting to know a bit more about him through someone else´s eyes. I like it, a lot.”

“God, the way your eyes sparkle when you talk about him.” Olivia shakes her head, a wide smile on her face. “This is a whole new world for me, I have never seen you like this.”

“I know, right? I mean, I have always considered myself to have a pretty good life, even the bad moments were nothing I couldn't get over it. But ever since Armie came into the picture, everything seems brighter and easier to deal with.”

“Even the not so good moments?” Ansel asks, arching an eyebrow as I nod.

“The fact that it's so great might make it harder to accept the bad moments, but that also means I have something to hang on to. Once the bad moments are past us, we are back to greatness.”

Sarah takes a bite of her pizza and nods her head. “I'm assuming this means dinner with his sister went well yesterday.”

“It did. We talked, were respectful, polite to one another and even shared a laugh.” They nod and I sigh. “I know it's not that easy, though. I still remember every single word I heard from her that day, but I can see she is being honest when she says she regrets what happened and is trying to make things better.”

“Well, at least now you can calm yourself down a bit more. I know this whole thing was stressing you out.”

“Yep. Now I can focus solely on my trip to California with my man.”

“Oh, since we are back to that topic. How long do you guys plan on staying there? I wanna know how many free days I will have.”

I roll my eyes and Ansel laughs, shrugging his shoulders. “Our plan is to go on Tuesday afternoon and get back on Thursday night or Friday morning. So from two to three days, is that enough for you?”

“Oh that's perfect, but just make sure you come back on Friday. No need to rush anything, right?”

  
  


********

 

I yawn and stretch myself on my cold bed, pulling on the thick blanket on top of me and pouting as look at all the emptiness beside me. Since Armie and I started spending more time on each other's houses, whenever I sleep without him I feel so lonely, like my bed is way too big for me.

I reach for my computer, press play on the movie I had prepared to watch and as in cue, my phone starts ringing. “Judging by the time you are calling me, I believe you won't be coming here tonight. Right?”

“Good night to you too, Timothée. I am doing fine and I hope so are you.”

I roll my eyes and slide down further on the bed, nearly burying myself under the covers. “Yes, I am doing fine. Spent some time with Ansel and the girls, we had pizza and I had to answer a lot of question they had regarding us. Now I am lying in bed, feeling very lonely because my boyfriend is not here with me.”

I hear him chuckle, the faint noise making me smile. “Well, your boyfriend is very sorry that he can't be there with you tonight, but he went out for dinner with his sister, who´s leaving the country tomorrow morning.”

“Is she there with you?”

“Yes, she is actually.”

“Tell her I wish her a good flight. I hate those things, so I have a sympathy for everyone who steps into one of those monsters.”

“Huh, I have a feeling our flight to California is gonna be quite interesting.”

“You better not pull any crap with me, Armand.”

“Armand? Damn it, you really hate flying.”

“Of course I hate flying. It's a fucking gigantic metal piece of shit, that is supposed to go beyond the clouds and cross oceans. How can people be calm over something like this?”

“Babe, I think you're starting to hyperventilate.”

“I damn well am.”

I can hear some moving and a low giggle on the other side of the phone. Well, glad he is amused by my fear.

“Listen to me, I will make sure this is the best flight of your whole life. You won't even feel it.”

“Will you give me drugs?”

Armie laughs. “No, I won't give you drugs. But I can give you kisses and maybe a massage.”

“Kind of hard to give massages on an airplane, isn´t it? Those chairs are not very comfortable and they are so small, we'll have to get on some odd…”

“That's not the kind of massage I was talking about.”

“Huh? What other kind of massage could you…” I stop talking, listening as Armie laughs and I can't help but giggle. “Okay, I think  _ that  _ kind of massage could definitely help me relax.”

“Yeah, there's just one problem.”

“Which is?”

“You are a little loud.”

I gasp and shake my head, feeling my cheeks burn a little bit. “Oh that's just…”

“Right?”

“I will control myself, I promise.”

“I'm sure you will.” He says with a hint of mocking on his voice. “I need to go now, babe, I just called to make sure you were alright. I already bought our tickets and booked us a hotel, but I will let you know everything tomorrow.”

“Okay, go spend some time with your sister.”

“And this time without an argument.” He says this part in a whisper and I can only assume Catherine is nearby.

“You better shut up before she listens to you.”

“You are right. Good night, Tim. Love ya.”

“Love you, too.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> California, here we come.

The Uber wanders the streets of Los Angeles, the sun is high in the sky, a light breeze blows from time to time and in the car, as if in a movie where the right songs play on the right time, Eagle´s Hotel California is playing. I have a smile on my face, one of those which makes your cheeks hurt and your eyes sparkle; it's not my first time in Los Angeles, but being here with Armie and being able to hold his hand, to hug him and kiss him without the fear of what people around us might think is exciting and liberating.

My foot taps the car floor, my trembling hands rest on my thighs and my eyes are attentive to everything that passes through the window. Armie is sitting quietly beside me, an arm around my shoulder and his finger tracing my arm.

When the car stops in front of the hotel, I can barely contain my excitement. I am the first to jump out, my eyes scanning the whole length of the hotel as if I were a child who sees a skyscraper for the first time.

The front of the hotel is not very lush, but the colorful windows and the design of a mandal on the side catch the eye of anyone passing the street. I get lost in my thoughts, coming back to reality only when Armie takes my hand and pulls me towards the entrance.

Armie takes care of everything at the front desk while I walk around the lobby, now much more impressed than I already was. The place is wonderful, well decorated and clearly expensive; maybe a bit too expensive for two people who will spend only three days here.

Armie nods to the elevator and I follow him, not without paying good attention to every single detail around me. I think I´ve fallen in love with this place in less than five minutes. We remain silent in the elevator, smiles on our faces as we each lean against one of the walls, eagerly waiting to see our room.

When the door opens, Armie grabs my hand in his and leads me down the long, grey corridor. He opens the door, steps aside and in a very eighteenth century gentleman style, tells me to come in first; I roll my eyes and nudge his stomach as I walk past him and enter the room.

My eyes widen as soon as I see the place, large floor-to-ceiling windows that provide some insane light and view of the city, a dining area, sitting area and a separate bedroom. The walls are grey, there are fun and colorful chairs and tables, a comfy sofa, art in the walls, a large flat screen tv and some modern lamps hanging from the ceiling.

I walk around the entire room, completely dumbfounded by how gorgeous and fancy it is. When I return to the living area, Armie is standing there, looking out the window; he hears my footsteps and looks over his shoulder with questioning eyes.

“So?”

I tuck my hands in my pockets and lean on the wall beside me. “So, I think you are spending a lot of unnecessary money on a hotel that we´re not even gonna enjoy that much.”

“You didn't like it then?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I love this place already, I could easily live here.”

“Good to know.” He says with a chuckle. “So, what do you wanna do? Stay here and make a test drive on that bed, or you want to hit the city?”

I walk over to him slowly, my eyes roaming through his entire body and a big smirk on my face. Once I reach him, I wrap my arms around his neck, pull him down closer to me and let my lips brush his briefly.

“Stay in and get on that bed is a tempting idea, but I really want to get to know the city.”

“Your wish is my command, Mr. Chalamet. Let's go take a look around the city and see what we can do to have some fun around here.”

I nod and he pecks my lips before turning to walk to the door. I slide my hand down his arm, grab his elbow and make him turn back to me, which he does with an eyebrow arched.

“What?”

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For inviting me to come with you. And for being the best boyfriend I could ever ask for, especially after the week we had.”

“The last thing you need to do is thank me, Timothée. I love you and being with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me, so your happiness is my happiness.”

Armie winks down at me, wraps an arm around my waist and lifts me up, which causes me to let out a squeal. I wrap my arms around his neck and he kisses my lips, slow and tender, savoring each second.

I can't wait to see what this trip has in store for us.

 

******

 

“So, if any special places you want to visit? Or you just walk around and discover new places?”

“Oh, I'm glad you asked.” I grab onto his arm, pulling him even closer to me and lean my head on his shoulder. “I´ve got a little list of places I'd like to visit. Most important, we have to go to LACMA, I have always wanted to visit it.”

“Okay, LACMA it is.”

“Oh sweetie, there's more.” He chuckles and nods his head; he stops, brings me with him to a more quiet corner and leans against the wall, nodding for me to continue. “I also want to visit the Griffith Observatory, I read that the view from up there is amazing and that they have an spectacular planetarium.”

Armie nods once again, his blue eyes focused on me and a little smirk on his face. I know that face very well, it's the one he does when he's highly amused by whatever I am saying or when he's surprised at how fast I can talk.

“There's this shop downtown, The Last Bookstore. They have vintage books and records, things that if you can't find it there, you probably won't find anywhere else in the country.”

“Okay. Bookstore, museum, observatory and planetarium. Anything else?”

“Santa Monica and Venice beach seem like a good idea too, we could sit down on the sand, enjoy the view and just make out a little.”

“Oh, I like that one.”

“Of course you do.”

Armie stares at me for a moment, little smile plastered on his face as he shakes his head and pulls me close, his hands holding tight onto my waist.

“What?”

“I just like how enthusiastic you are. You were reading weather reports, doing research on Mr. Martinez, finding cool places for us to hang out and the best places to eat and drink.”

“It´s our first trip together, Armie, the first time we can actually be one hundred percent free and just do whatever the hell we want. So yes, I'm so fucking hyped for it, you got no idea.”

“I think I do.” He leans in and kisses me; at first is slow but he quickly deepens it and as much as I hate to do this, I have to pull myself away from him.

“No no no. There's no time for kissing now.”

“What?”

“We got places to go, Armand, we can't waste our time making out in the middle of the street.”

He chuckles. “You can't be serious.”

“Tomorrow we'll spend most of our day at Mr. Martinez for the event, so we gotta start now otherwise there will be too many things left to do on Thursday.” Armie sighs but nods his head as I smile sweetly at him. “Great, so come with me. Since we want to enjoy the view, we´re going to Griffith Observatory first.”

  
  


*******

  
  


It's already dark when we exit LACMA, the rows of lights in front of us giving the place a beautiful and somewhat mysterious vibe, as if something out of an old movie. With his Polaroid in hand, Armie snaps a few pictures here and there, capturing the nightlife of Los Angeles. The billboards, the people, the streets and of course the lights; he manages to tell a little story through his photography and I smile at him, completely astonished by his talent.

He urges me to go along one of the rows and after a moment of doubt, I finally do it. I walk past the most crowded area and reach a point where I can be nearly on my own; Armie is following me close by and I can feel his eyes on me as I move around. Then the sound of camera going off comes and I look to the side, seeing from the corner of my eyes as he goes on taking pictures of me.

I turn to face him, walking backwards and stick my tongue out, doing silly faces as Armie chuckles. He starts walking over to me, confident as always and with that look that seems like he is a model who just came out of a photoshoot. He winks, wraps an arm around my waist and I take the chance to snap the camera out of his hands. I get on my tiptoes and place a soft kiss on his lips as I snap a picture of us. The classic and cliche kind of photo, but I couldn't care less to be honest.

_ Being in love is living in constant cliche. _

“I had a great day today,” I whisper on his ear.

“Good, because so did I.” He kisses me once again and takes my hands in his, leading me down the row and away from the museum. “I'm starving. Do you wanna eat around here or you want to head back to the hotel and see what they have?”

“Actually, I did hear about a place around here that seems interesting. Maybe we could check it out.”

Armie nods and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Lead the way, babe.”

  
  


******

 

One final gasp echoes in the dark hotel room as my sweaty and pliant body collapses on top of Armie´s. My curls are clouding my vision and my legs are still trembling as I bury my face on the crook of Armie´s neck, trying to get my breathing back to normal. Armie´s chest is heaving, his golden chest hair glistening as I lazily tug on it and kiss his skin, the salty taste lingering on my lips. 

His fingers find my hair, pushing the curls aside before he lifts my chin and leans in to place a lazy kiss on my lips. I smile through the kiss and then roll over to the bed, laying on my back and staring up to the ceiling.

“You really are enthusiastic about this trip, huh? You nearly broke down your spine while riding me, babe, I was getting worried.”

I laugh, shaking my head and elbowing him in the stomach as he smirks. “So worried you didn't even tell me to stop.”

“I figured you knew what you were doing.”

“Oh, I certainly did.” I turn on my side, reach my hand out and cradle Armie´s face. He leans in to my touch, closes his eyes and lets out a sigh at the same time as I do so. “Is it weird that we´re here for half a day and I already want more?”

“We'll have more,” he says with eyes still closed.

“No, I mean more trips. Going somewhere new and experiencing together.”

He finally opens his eyes again and smiles at me. “We can try. Juilliard is very demanding, but we can make some time for ourselves. Find a nice place we want to visit and make the best out of it.”

I nod. “I want that. I want everything with you, the good and the bad.”

“Hopefully more good than bad.”

“Definitely more good than bad.”

We stay in silence for a little while, bodies pressed together, his chin resting upon my head and his finger delicately tracing my spine. When my stomach starts growling, both of us laugh immediately and Armie gives me a little squeeze before pulling away.

“I think that's our cue to call room service.” I nod my head and Armie reaches for the nightstand, fumbling with some papers until he finally finds the menu. He sits down on the bed and I do the same, resting my head on his shoulder as we both look through the piece of paper. “Hamburgers?”

“Oh yes, please. And mine with extra mayo and chips.”

“Like always.”

I smirk, looking up at him. “Like always.”

 

******

 

It's nearly ten in the morning as Armie and I walk into the 40´s mansion where Mr. Martinez art school is located. Armie tells me the place was entirely reformed, the garden gained a new path where the students can walk, jog or ride their bikes; the interior was adjusted to fit different classrooms, a cafeteria, locker rooms and a big living area with couches, chairs and tvs.

On the walls there are photographs of the students dancing, painting, winning awards or just the usual kids being kids portraits. It's such a heartwarming feeling to see someone dedicate himself to help kids who are in need, give them a new perspective in life and, in one way or another, change their future.

“Oh, there he is.”

I look up at Armie and he gestures to the middle aged man on the other side of the room. He is tall, a slim but fit body from his dancer days, that he clearly maintained after his retirement, black hair with some hints of grey peeking in and as he talks to a woman, you can see the happiness in his face. Armie told me about how much effort Mr. Martinez had put into this event, so it is great to see him happy and proud of what he has accomplished.

“C´mon, let's go talk to him. Let me show you off.”

I giggle, wrapping my arm around his waist as we make our way across the room, kids running past us while playing or showing the place to their own parents. The vibe here is of excitement, pride and it's so vibrant that I am feeling proud of this whole thing, even if I am not involved.

We´re just a couple of steps away from Mr. Martinez when he turns around, a wide smile on his face as he seems Armie there. He walks over to us, wraps his arm around Armie in a tight hug and I can't help but smile proudly at them. He clearly meant a lot to Armie as professor.

“It's nice to see you again, Armand.”

“It's a pleasure to be here, Mr. Martinez.”

“Mr. Martinez? After all these years and you still can't call me Victor?”

Armie shrugs his shoulders. “Force of habit.”

“Well, we need to change that.”

Armie nods and pulls me close to him, a smile on his face as he looks from me to Mr. Martinez. “Victor, this is my boyfriend Timothée.”

“Nice to meet you, Timothée.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Martinez. Armie said the most wonderful things about you and it's amazing to be here today.”

“Thank you, but please call me Victor.” I give him a quick nod and watch as he looks at me up and down. “Are you also a ballet dancer, Timothée?”

“Yes, I am.”

“The body doesn't lie.”

Armie smirks, his hand resting on my lower back. “Timothée here is weeks away from auditioning for Juilliard, actually.”

“Oh, you must be so excited.”

I shrug. “A mix of excited and freaked out, but yeah, mostly excited.”

“It's understandable, the fear is necessary to keep us grounded.” Victor gives me a reassuring smile and then turns back to Armie. “Armand, I want to thank you once again for coming here today. I´ve put a lot of work on this event and have you with us is a pleasure.”

“Victor, I'm glad you even considered calling me to be part of this. It will be great to sit down with this kids and talk to them.”

“Oh, there's just one little thing I wanted to discuss with you.”

The look on Victor´s face shifts and it's clear to see he is slightly worried, which makes Armie furrow his eyebrows in confusion.

“Is everything okay, Victor?”

“The past two days I had some last minute cancellations and had to reach out to a few friends and ask them to join us today.”

Armie nods and as Victor opens his mouth to speak, we hear his name being called. We all turn to the side, watching as a tall, handsome brunette approaches us and throws his arms around Victor, hugging him tight.

I watch as the brunette pulls away from Victor and turns to Armie, suddenly a nearly malicious grin taking over his face.

“Armie, what a surprise to see you here.”

“Right back at ya, Connor.”

My own smiles drops and my head starts spinning. Well, I know I said I was excited to see what this trip had in store for the both of us, but not even in my wildest dreams did I expect this to happen to us.

Of all people in the world we could run into, why Connor?

Why his ex boyfriend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to give Connor a big welcome ;)


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Hammer has some explaining to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m so behind on comments, but know that I see them all and love to read what you guys have to say about the fic. :D

There is a moment of silence, almost as if the room has stopped moving and all eyes are on us; the four people standing awkwardly and uncomfortably in the center of the room, staring at one another and wondering what the next step of this mess would be. My eyes wander to Armie and it doesn't take me more than a second for me to notice how tense he is; his shoulders, his serious eyes which have absolutely no sparkle and his clenched jaw.

I wet my lips, tapping my foot on the ground as I think to myself if I should or not say something, break the awful silence that has fallen upon us before this becomes too much to bear. I clear my throat, stand my hand out in Connor´s direction and try to put on a smile, although I am sure it's hard for me to control the look of annoyance that has taken over me.

But I can't really be blamed for it, can I?”

“Nice to meet you. I am Timothée, Armie´s boyfriend.”

I can easily see the smirk that takes over Connor´s face as I mention the word  _ boyfriend _ and it takes me very little time to realize he might actually be enjoying the tension between us.

“Is a pleasure to meet you, Timothée. I am Connor, Armie and I went to Juilliard together.”

“Oh, I know. I know everything about you.”

“I bet you do.” Connor says with a malicious grin upon his face and then turns back to Armie, who remains quiet and still. “Victor didn't tell me you were gonna be one of the spokespersons today, but I shouldn't be surprised, you were always his favorite.”

“You're here too, so I guess I'm not the only one.”

Armie´s voice is calm but he's still nervous and tense with the situation. I land a hand on his shoulder, give it a quick squeeze and then let my hand slide down his arm until our fingers are entwined.

“Victor only called me yesterday afternoon, which I am sure is because someone dropped off and since I live here, it would be easier for him to invite me.”

“I invited you because you are talented, Connor.”

“You're living here now?” Armie asks before the conversation can drift off.

“My boyfriend moved here a few months ago for work and I decided to come with him.” The look on Connor´s face is enough for me to want to jump on him and just punch him right on the face. I might be a bit paranoid, but it seems like he is actually pleased to talk to Armie about his love life. “Actually, we´re engaged now.”

“That's great.”

“Yeah, he is the best.”

I can feel Victor´s eyes on me and I turn to look at him, doing my best to seem calm and comfortable, but I think he can easily spot the truth. He nods in my direction and then turns to Connor, taking a hold of his arm with a smile on his face.

“Connor, I actually wanted to discuss a couple of things with you. Do you mind if we do it now?”

“No, of course not.”

“Great.” Victor turns back to us. “Armie, Timothée, I will talk to you two later.”

We nod and watch as Connor looks back at Armie. “It was great to see you again, Armie. You look happy.”

“I am.” Armie says and turns to look at me for a brief second, that little sparkle coming back to his eyes for a moment. “We are.”

Connor doesn't respond, he simply turns around and follows Victor across the room. I let out a sigh, shake my head and turn to Armie, trying to put on a smile on my face as he stares down at me.

“That was...something.”

Armie chuckles, nodding his head. “I think we need a drink after all of this.”

“I don't think they have alcohol here, Armie.” He laughs and I pull him closer to me, pecking his lips briefly. “But I think we do need something, so let's go.”

 

********

 

“...and we´re all gonna have our own struggles. I was lucky enough to have a family that could pay for my ballet classes and for everything they thought was necessary for me to build a career, but that doesn't mean I didn't have to go through hard times either. I had to make tough decisions, I had to listen to people say my body didn't fit the expected look of a male dancer and that wasn't easy…”

Armie is standing in front of the room, talking about his experience as a ballet dancer and his life; how he got to where he is right now, how he developed his love for dance and how to have hope even on the moments of desperation. Leaned against the all, I stare at him with a big and bright smile on my face; my heart is full and I am so proud of him I barely know how to express it.

“He has a way with words, doesn't he?”

I turn to the side, arching an eyebrow as I see Connor standing there beside me. He is facing forward, hands on his pockets as he carefully listens to every single word Armie says. I eye him up and down, that annoyance that so easily took me over just a few hours ago coming back.

“Yes, he does.”

“Teachers in Juilliard just loved to hear him speak. It was always like everyone was under a spell, you couldn't find one soul that did not like Armie, not one person who did not want him around.”

“I can think of one person.”

Connor smirks as he finally turns to look at me. We stare at one another for a moment, silently trying to figure out what is going on through the other's head. Then Connor lets out a sigh and shakes his head, his eyes wandering from me, to Armie and then back at me.

“Timothée, you know there's no need for you to be jealous, right? I have a boyfriend, we´re making plans for our wedding, we want to have children and build a family…”

“Exactly like you wanted to do with Armie, right?”

“Yes, Timothée, I did something wrong and I admit that. I shouldn't have lied to Armie, I shouldn't have cheated on him, but no matter what I did, it doesn't mean I didn't care about him.”

I can't help but let out a chuckle. “Nice way of showing how much you care about someone, Connor.”

“You only know what he told you, Timothée. There's much more to the…”

“Is this the time you try to turn the tables? When you tell me how distant and cold he was? Because if that's what you're going for, please, save your breath.”

“He wasn't cold or distant, but he did have other priorities than our relationship.”

“And you thought fucking someone else was the best way to solve the situation? Ever heard of having a conversation? That will be very important once you get married, otherwise you´ll just start sleeping with the entire state.”

Connor lets out a sigh, nodding his head and even I have to admit I might have gone too far. “I get it, Timothée. You don't like me and no matter what I say, you won't change your mind.”

“I'm sorry, but did you expect me to be your friend? To pat you on your back and congratulate you on your engagement?” I shake my head and take a step closer to him. “You were very important to Armie, he trusted you, he loved you and instead of appreciating all he had to give you, you hurt him pretty bad. So I am sorry if I can't find the strength in me to be your friend, Connor. I just find it very hard to be close with someone who hurt the person I love the most.”

Connor shrugs, turning on his heels to walk away. “You know, things are not black and white. I wasn't the evil one in the relationship, Timothée, I was hurt too...a lot.”

And just like that he walks away from me, leaving me with all these unanswered questions flooding my head. I turn back to Armie, watch as he talks with some young kids and arch an eyebrow, wondering what the hell he could have done to Connor.

  
  


*******

  
  


I kick some leaves on the ground as I walk down the pathway in the garden, my hands tucked inside my jeans, my eyes wandering around the place and taking in the beauty and grace of this house. Armie has finished his speech, but swiftly after found himself surrounded by local journalists and friends from Victor who wanted to know more about the man Victor praised so often.

It was a beautiful sight to see actually, Armie with a little blush on his face as people gathered around him and thanked him for his words, while also trying to understand more about his career and how well his studio was going. Our eyes met for a brief moment, I smiled at him, but the second he turned his attention back to the man talking to him, I stepped out of the room and decided to come out here.

_ You know, things are not black and white. I wasn't the evil one in the relationship, Timothée, I was hurt too...a lot. _

I look up at the sky, unable to push back Connor´s words from my mind. A part of me is sure he only said that to plant a doubt in me; but there's this other part who wonders what the hell could Armie have done to him. Did he cheat too? Was he somehow aggressive? I can't think of anything Armie would do to hurt someone he loved. Not the Armie I know, but then again, this was ten years ago and a lot can change in ten years.

“Timothée!”

I stop in my tracks and look over my shoulder, smiling at Victor as he walks towards me. “Hey.”

“Are you okay? Why are you here all alone?”

“All of your guests are in love with Armie after his speech. There was a bunch of people trying to talk to him, so I left him to do his thing and came to take a look around the place. I love how you turned this old house, that was probably falling apart, into something so beautiful for the community.”

“Thank you. I had a lot of help the last two years, it wasn't easy, but when I see the smile on those kids faces, I know all the stress was worth it.”

I nod. “It really is, Victor. You're changing their lives.”

“Hopefully after every storm comes a calm, right?” I chuckle and he smiles, walking down the path with me. “And to celebrate the calm that is coming, I´ll have a little cocktail here tonight. I called everyone who helped me here the last two years, called everyone who is part of today´s event and I hope you and Armie will stop by.”

“Of course, I wouldn't miss it for anything.”

“Oh, that's great. I know you guys are not here for many days, but I promise it will be fun.”

“No worries, Victor. We have the entire day tomorrow to go around town.”

Victor nods, but suddenly turns serious, which makes me a bit confused. “There's just one thing.”

“What?”

“Connor and his fiancé are probably gonna show up too.”

I shrug my shoulders. “That's okay. I can handle Connor and I am sure Armie can do it too.”

“I´ll keep him away from you guys.”

“No need for that, Victor, we are fine.”

_ Are we though? _

 

******

 

The bedroom is slightly dark, the only light coming in is the one from outside that enters through the large floor-to-ceiling windows. I can hear the shower running and even the low voice of Armie humming a song; all the while I sit on the couch, head down as I play with my fingers. It's been hours and yet I can't stop thinking about what Connor said and I hate myself for doing so. This is probably what he wanted all along, to drive me crazy, make me question Armie´s behavior.

_ Stop being a little bitch, just walk over to Armie and ask him what happened. _

I sigh and take a long look outside the window, trying to build the courage to address the subject. And most importantly, trying to build enough courage to handle whatever Armie says to me.

“Why you're not dressed yet? Didn't you already take a shower?” I nod, not even looking back at him, but I can hear his footsteps as he comes closer. “Are you not going to the party anymore?”

“I don't know.”

“You don't know? But I thought you…” Armie stops mid sentence and sighs. From the corner of my eyes I can see him come from behind the couch and walk over to me. He only has a towel wrapped around his waist and in any other moment I'd already be ripping that thing out of him, but today, I remain quiet. “Timothée, what the hell is going on? You´ve been strangely quiet this afternoon and I tried to give you some space, but it's clear there's something bothering you.”

“What did you do to Connor?” I raise my head and look at him as he stares at me with confused eyes. “During your speech he came to talk to me, he talked about how he is making plans of a family with his fiancé, how I don't need to be jealous of him and made sure to tell me that things were not exactly easy when you two broke up, that he was hurt too. So yeah, I´ve been quiet, mostly because I spent the last few hours wondering what the fuck happened between you two. What is it that you're not telling me?”

Armie groans, shakes his head and sits down on the coffee table in front of me. He rubs his hands together, looks from one side to the other and then wets his lips. I can see he is flushed, his expression with a hint of anger.

“Did he also tell you that our relationship wasn't my main priority?” I simply nod and he scoffs, rubbing his hands on the towel. “I didn't do anything to him, okay? I loved that man and nothing can justify how much pain he caused me.”

_ I loved that man. _

**_I loved that man._ **

The words sting more than they should, I know how much Connor meant to him and I should be okay hearing him say it, but it's easier said than done. Still -and I really don't know how-, I manage to keep myself together and focus on what needs to be said.

“Then tell me what happened. What did he mean when he said you hurt him too?”

Armie remains silent for a long moment, his blue eyes kind of lost and his body tense. It's almost as if he is replaying the whole thing in his head before he can actually say anything, before he can explain himself.

“All I did was be honest with him.” I arch an eyebrow, now even more confused than I was. “We had just moved in together, we were constantly making plans for our future, the trips we would do and the places we would meet. Like I told you before, he talked about adopting a kid and one night in particular, while he was talking about this subject, I told him I didn't want kids.”

“What?”

“I never saw myself as a father, I never nurtured this feeling of parenthood and people close to me always knew about this.  When I met Connor, there was so much going on in my life and his, we never really discussed that, but once we did move in together, those conversation became constant and I couldn't lie to him, I couldn't keep such an important thing away from him. So I told him the truth.”

Armie sighs, his body relaxing as if saying all of this out loud has taken an extremely heavy burden from his shoulders.

“We had a huge fight that night, he yelled at me, accused me of not loving him enough, of being more worried about Juilliard than him. And in some ways he was right, I loved him more than anything, but I did put my career first. I had already given up on the biggest opportunity I had had in my life until that point, I couldn't risk losing anything else and living a life where ballet wasn't part of it.”

I remain silent, his words replaying in my head over and over again. I had not expected something like this, but I have to admit I am a lot more relieved now. He wasn't a douche, he didn't cheat too, he just wanted different things.

“So, maybe he is right. Maybe I did hurt him a lot more than I could´ve imagined, but that still didn't give him the right to cheat on me for almost an entire year. I was honest with him, why couldn't he do the same?”

I lean forward, raise his chin so I can look him in the eye and cradle his face. Armie closes his eyes for a second, leans in to my touch and lets out a sigh. I know right now a smile doesn't do much, especially when he got all these memories coming back to haunt him, but when he opens his eyes again, I am smiling at him, trying to reassure him everything´s okay.

“You have no idea how relieved I am right now, Armie.”

“Relieved? So you're not disappointed in me?”

“Why would I be disappointed in you? Because you don't want kids?” He shrugs. “Armie that's your right, no one can force you to be someone you are not and if you don't see yourself as a father, people have to respect that.”

“What about you? Don't you want kids?”

“I´ll be completely honest with you and say I never really stopped to think about this. Being a father or having a huge family was never something I gave much thought to it, so I guess my answer is no, I don't.”

“But what if you change your mind?”

“Then we'll talk when or if I change my mind. Right now we´re on the same page, so I say we brush this off and go get ready for that party.”

Armie nods his head while I lean in to kiss him. When I get up, I feel his hand on my wrist, keeping me in place.

“I guess it's my time to say thank you.”

“For?”

“For giving me a chance to explain everything and for respecting my decision.”

“I love you, Armie. And I love your honesty and your bravery, so you don't have to thank me, you just have to be yourself.”

He smiles, gets up and pulls me closer to his body. I rest my hands on his shoulders while he leans closer to me and rests our foreheads together; in his eyes I can see relief, but it's also pretty obvious that this subject does bring not so pleasant memories.

I run my hand through his hair, watch him close his eyes and then hug him, as tight as I can possibly do. In one of his rare moments of complete vulnerability, Armie´s body melts into my touch and he buries his face on the crook of my neck, while wrapping his arms around my waist.

  
  


*******

  
  


There's music playing and dim lights, the living area now has fewer couches and people are gathering around, either drinking and talking or dancing. I am sitting quietly on a stool by the bar, sipping my Margarita and watching as the barman goes crazy, trying to get everyone´s order.

Through the mirror in front of me, I can see Connor and his fiancé, who´s called Jamie and that Connor made sure to introduce to me and Armie on one of the most cringy moments of my life. They are on the improvised dance floor, dancing and laughing, but Connor´s eyes keep on finding me, which to be quite honest is making me a bit uneasy.

I roll my eyes and take another sip of my drink as I feel arms wrap around me and Armie´s sweet lips on my cheek. I turn to look at him with a smile, pecking his lips and watch as he takes a seat on the stool next to mine, an eyebrow arched as he looks at the counter.

“Please, tell me you were not the one drinking all of this.”

I look at the five glasses near me and shake my head, raising my Margarita with a little smile. “I'm still on my first, Armie. We have a lot to do tomorrow, I don't want a hangover.”

“That's great to hear, because I might have a surprise for you tomorrow.”

“A surprise? What is it?”

“Like I said, it's a surprise, so you´ll have to wait and see.”

“I don't really like surprises.”

“Well, that's too bad.” I gasp and he shrugs, hopping off of the stool and taking both of my hands, pulling me up. “C´mon, lets go dance a little bit.”

“I thought you didn't dance?”

“With you I am willing to go through all the embarrassments life might throw at me, so will you please join me?”

“You can't do this all the time, you know?”

He arches an eyebrow. “Do what?”

“Be all charming and sweep me off of my feet every chance you got.”

“Oh babe, I´m afraid I can't do that.”

I roll my eyes and punch his chest, which makes him smirk. He takes my hand, leads me to the dance floor and swirls me around; I laugh, holding onto Armie´s arms as we sway to the beat. I can still feel Connor´s eyes on me and can't help but sigh, which catches Armie´s attention almost instantly.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Timothée.”

“Connor won't stop looking at me...at us.”

Armie looks around and then turns his eyes back to me, a sweet smile on his lips. “Let him stare all he wants, Tim. He's in a party, with his fiancé and if staring at us is the best thing he can do, then I can only feel sorry for the man.”

I bite on my lip, nod my head and as I am about to speak, Hozier´s  _ Take Me To Church _ starts playing. Armie and I smirk at one another, knowing looks on our faces as he pulls my body closer to his, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Who would´ve thought.”

“This song comes up and I am instantly back at the studio, shaking from head to toe as I lean in to kiss you.”

“I can still see the look on your face, you know? A mix of fear and eagerness.”

“That's pretty accurate.”

“But most of all, I can still remember how soft your lips felt against mine and how my whole body seemed to catch on fire when our lips met.”

“That kiss was the best decision I had in my whole life, even if at the time I thought I was crazy for doing that.”

“You were,” he says with a shrug and I arch an eyebrow. “But I am glad you did it, because I don't think I'd ever have the courage to take the first step.”

“Not even once classes were over?”

He shakes his head. “I don't think so. The fear of you thinking I was a creep was too big, so if you had not kissed me, I'd have probably kept my feelings for you well hidden for the rest of my life.”

“Well, I'm glad I did it then, now you can love me for the rest of your life.”

“And I will do it with a smile on my face.”

I simply smile, unable to say anything else. I lean my head against his chest, hearing his heartbeat and his hand on my back, stroking it softly.

 

_ No masters or kings when the rituals begins _

_ There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin _

_ In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene _

_ Only then I am human _

_ Only then I am clean _

_ Amen _

_ Amen _

_ Amen _

 


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A much needed day off around Califonia for our boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna wish you all a Merry Christmas, happy holidays and that you all have a wonderful time with your family and loved ones. I love every single one of you and will be forever grateful for the response to this story. Thank you and enjoy it. :)

I got my head leaned against the window, my feet up on the seat and my arms wrapped around my legs. I'm in this limbo where I am half asleep and half awake, my mind unsure of what is reality and what might be a dream. We´ve been on the road for a few minutes now, Armie driving the rental car while I remain quiet on the passenger seat. There's music playing low and I can hear Armie singing along to it in the distance; even on my zombie state of mind, I smile at the sound.

I let out a yawn and blink a couple of times, my eyes painfully adjusting to the light. It's not even six thirty, the sky is a mix of shades of blue and orange, the sun peeking out on the horizon. I smile to myself at the sight and roll down the window, feeling a cool breeze hit my face and my sleep finally starts to wear off. I feel Armie´s hand on my knee and look over at him, watching as he winks at me before concentrating back on the road.

Signs past us by and I see the Santa Monica one, which swiftly shifts my mood from just awake to fully awake and excited. I sit down properly, reach out my hand and rest it on Armie´s neck, playing with his hair and watch as the ocean and the famous Pacific Wheel comes to view. Although with all its lights turned off, the Wheel is still imposing, mesmerizing and makes me remember of some of the movies I would watch as a kid with my sister. Seeing in front of me is ten times better, though.

Armie parks the car in front of the beach, takes a look at me and gestures towards the ocean. I nod my head and we both get out of the car, take our shoes off and head over to the sand side by side. The cold and slightly wet sand makes me shiver and Armie swiftly wraps his arm around me, bringing my body close to his and keeping me warm. We stand still in the middle of the empty beach, a sigh escaping me as I take in the beauty surrounding us.

“Aren't you happy I took you out of the hotel room?”

I giggle, poking his side as he squirms. “If you had told me what was the surprise, I wouldn't have stayed at the party until three in the morning, Armie.”

“We were having fun….despite Connor.”

“Yes, we were.”

Armie kisses my hair and then pulls away from me, which instantly makes me turn to look at him. I arch an eyebrow as he removes his jeans and shirt, staying only on his boxers. When he looks at me with a smirk, I can only shake my head and take a few steps back, my heart already beating faster with the realisation of what is about to come.

“Don't you dare, Armand.”

Armie takes a couple of steps towards me, all the while I shake my head and try to move faster, although the sand prevents me from doing so.

“You stay right where you are.”

Armie stops and I relax, only to see him run towards me one second later. I scream, turn around and start running down the beach, trying my best to run away from him, but I can't find the strength to overpower someone as tall and strong as him, especially this early in the morning. He grabs me by my waist, pulls me back to his body and spins around a couple of time. I squeal and kick my legs in the air, my hands holding tightly onto Armie´s arms, trying to keep myself balanced so I won't fall. Not that he would ever let me fall. He puts me down on the sand and his lips find mine in no time; I wrap my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss and hearing his low moan.

We stumble around and end up falling down, our laughter echoing in the quiet morning. Armie pushes some hair out of my face and gives my skin a few kisses, which tickles me a bit. He kneels down after a while, pulls me with him and when I least expect he puts me over his shoulder, which makes me gasp.

“Armie, put me down!”

“We´re going for a swim, babe.”

“No way in hell I am getting inside that water, it must be fucking freezing.”

“Oh, we´re getting in alright.”

“Armie, put me down!”

“Nope.”

“I don't know how to swim.”

“Bullshit.”

It really is and I should´ve known better than imagine he wouldn't remember me saying I took swimming classes when I was younger.

“Armie, seriously, just….” I scream as we finally enter the ocean, the waves coming and going, crashing on Armie´s long legs and splashing against my body. I hit his back, hearing his laughter and just try to get away from his grip, although I know it's nearly impossible. “Armie, please just…”

Before I can even finish, I have to hold my breath and brace myself for impact as Armie dives in with me on his arms. He releases me as soon as we are underwater and I push him away from me, swimming back to the surface as fast as I can. I take a deep breath, push my hair back and look around for Armie, rolling my eyes as I realize he is playing the typical  _ I drowned  _ prank. I keep myself quiet, waiting and in a matter of seconds he emerges from the water, wrapping his arm around me and twirling me around.

I wish I had the same mood as he does so early in the morning.

“I see you survived.”

I mock him and push him away from me, walking back to the sand as he trails behind, laughing. 

“Oh, I see. You're gonna pretend you are mad at me.”

I look over my shoulder. “I am mad at you.”

“No, you are not. You are pretending to and I gotta say you look cute when you're doing this.” I shake my head, he grabs my hand and pulls me to him, our bodies crashing together. I let my hands rest on his arms, squeezing his biceps as he stares down at me. “So, so cute.”

I try to keep a serious face, but fail miserably and end up laughing. He raises my chin, places a soft kiss on my lips and then takes off my shirt.

“Take off your pants, I brought you some spare clothes.”

“Oh, so you were planning this all along?”

“Of course I was.”

I roll my eyes and follow him back to where his clothes and his backpack are. I take off my jeans, toss it aside along with his and then sit down in between his legs. I rest my head on his shoulder and bring his arms around me, smiling as he holds me tight and places a kiss on my cheek. We sit there quietly, listening to the waves crash and watching as the sun starts to get higher in the sky.

 

********

 

The first chords of the song fills the air, sitting on the passenger seat, with the windows open and the wind of my face, I tap my fingers on the dash and bounce my head up and down. From the corner of my eyes I can see Armie doing the same, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel and a grin on his face as he waits the first words come along.

We look at each other, laugh and take deep breaths before we start shouting the words to the song, simply giving in to a moment of pure freedom. The road ahead of us, the sun still setting in the sky and the mesmerizing ocean that remains with us throughout the entire ride.

 

_ We´ve been on the run _

_ Driving in the sun _

_ Looking out for number one _

_ California here we come _

_ Right back where we started from _

 

I chuckle, but have to admit Armie impressed me with his singing skills, which only makes me wonder if there's anything about this man that is bad or annoying. I lean back on the seat, turn the volume up and wink at Armie as he shakes his head at me.

 

_ Hustlers grab your guns _

_ Your shadows weighs a ton _

_ Driving down the 101 _

_ California here we come _

_ Right back where we started from _

_ California (California) _

_ Here we come! _

 

We both drag out the  _ o,  _ making faces and being as dramatic as we can be to fit the tone of the music. As the song goes on, I turn down the volume a little bit and turn to Armie, my hand on the nape of his neck.

“You're actually a good singer.”

“Oh, please.”

“No, I mean it. You should sing more.”

“I´ll save the world from such an unpleasant thing, Timmy.”

I roll my eyes and shake my head, my fingers playing with his hair. “You can't possibly believe ballet is the only thing you're actually good at.”

“I'm not good at ballet, I'm fucking great at it.”

“Geez, use that arrogance to talk about the other things you are good at. Like cooking, singing, photography, sex…”

“Oh, for fuck´s sake, just stop.”

“Oh c´mon, you are great at sex. You have all these nice moves and I…”

“Seriously, stop.”

I go to say something, but keep myself quiet when Armie turns to the right and parks the car. I look around us, seeing nothing but closed shops and a small diner on the pier and arch an eyebrow.

“And where are we going now?”

“I thought it was quite obvious? To the diner, I heard they have the best pancakes in the area.”

“You do know you already paid a lot for a hotel that serves breakfast, right? This is practically throwing money away.”

“Wow. You try being romantic, take your boyfriend out for the day so he can fully enjoy the city and that's what you get.”

I lean in, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Babe, I am so happy you are doing this, but you know it's true.”

“We´re in Venice Beach, Timmy, we´re gonna stay here for the rest of the morning and once we are done with lunch, then we go back to the hotel.”

“Okay, Mr. Hammer, we follow your plan.”

“Good, now let's go.”

I jump out of the car and wait until Armie walks over to me; he takes my hand in his and leads me down the pier and to the diner. The place is small, cozy and has a vintage decoration, lots of records hanging from the walls and old car photos. We take a seat by the window so we can look at the ocean and the people who slowly start to fill the place, the waiter swiftly bringing us the menu.

I take a look through the pages and then back at Armie, who seems deeply concentrated on what he will choose. “I think I´ll just have some tea and toasts.”

“What?” I nod and he furrows his eyebrows. “There's omelets, bacon, sausages, pancakes, every single known flavor of milkshake and you're gonna get tea and toasts? Who are you and what have you done to my boyfriend?”

“Armie, I´ve already exaggerated on food and booze the last two days. I need to keep myself in check if I want to stay fit.”

“For what?”

“You know what for.”

He rolls his eyes. “Bullshit.”

“Armie, I got an audition in a few weeks, I can't just let loose.”

Armie leans forward and takes my hands on his, a warm smile on his face. “You seriously need to stop with this, okay? I don't want you to start over thinking about everything you eat or how much exercise you have. You are in perfect shape and you train every single day, there's absolutely no reason for you to do any diet or anything similar. Are you listening to me?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Good, then I expect you to stop with this nonsense.” I chuckle and as the waiter approaches us, Armie turns to look at her. “Hi, we'll have two chocolate milkshakes, omelet with bacon, toasts with sausages and an order of your chocolate chip pancakes.”

“Okay, I´ll be right back.”

“Thank you.”

“You have got to admit that's an exaggerated order, even for us.”

Armie shrugs. “We'll be walking around for a while and once we head back to the hotel, I do plan on making sure that bed can handle us, so I think we need the energy.”

“You're crazy.”

“And yet you love me.”

I nod, squeezing his hand. “Yes, I do.”

 

*********

 

With every single thrust, a gasp escapes me and the sweat that runs down my back makes my body sticky and shiny; Armie´s nails dig on my skin, scratching and claiming me as he moans into my ear. My face is buried on his neck, my lips kissing and sucking on his salty skin, my hands holding tightly onto his thighs.

The sounds of our skins slam together, our moans and heavy breathing creates a beautiful and melodic symphony; the way our bodies move together seem like a elaborated ballet choreography. A mix of dirtiness, beauty, need and love. A perfect way to celebrate our time together.

When his hand runs to my hair, grabbing a fistful of it and yanking my head back, I moan loud through quivering lips. Armie´s lips find my neck and he sucks hard on it, only so he can then run his tongue all the way to my lips. He pulls on it, kisses me hard, wrapping his legs around my hips and pushing me deeper inside of him.

He arches his back slightly and I allow a hand to reach in between us, wrap around his cock and stroke it fast and hard. I pull away when I'm nearly breathless, my heart pounding on my chest as I get closer to an orgasm and feel my entire body tingle. Armie knows what's coming, he smiles at me, runs his nails from my ass all the way to my neck and when I shudder, he embraces me.

We both moan as we cum practically at the same time, Armie all over our stomachs and me inside the condom. We take deep breaths, our bodies slowly coming down from our high. I stroke Armie´s arms, kiss his lips a couple of times and then roll over to the bed, resting my head on his shoulder.

He kisses my forehead and pushes some hair out of my face while I let my eyes close, just basking on the post sex bliss I am in. Armie knows it too well by now, so he pulls away from me, reaches for the sheets and covers us with it, wrapping an arm around me after he does so.

“You might not believe me, but this is the best trip I´ve ever made.”

He chuckles. “And why wouldn't I believe you?”

“I don't know.”

I keep my eyes closed, but feel Armie lean closer, his lips brushing against my ear. “This is the best trip I´ve ever made too. Being here with you, out in the open, has truly been one of the most wonderful experiences of my life.”

“I can't wait until we can do this in New York.”

His voice is a little distant now, my tiredness finally getting the best of me, but I can still manage to hear a whisper come from him.

“Soon enough, babe, soon enough.”

 

*******

 

The moonlight enters the room through the open curtains, our clothes are still scattered through the ground and the sheets are falling down the bed as we both lie naked. Armie is in deep sleep, body curled up and a peaceful expression on his face; I smile at him, my finger gently tracing his hair, pushing some strands back so I can get a better look at his face as I recount everything I love the most about it.

His lips.

His golden hair.

The dimple that rarely shows up.

And his eyes.

His deep blue eyes that always seem to dig through my soul and understand exactly what I want and think; his eyes read me like an open book and although complex and layered, through those eyes I can see the vulnerability that he doesn't always show the world.

I take a long breath, my mind filled with so many thoughts and wonders. For me is still slightly surreal that I get to lie here with him, a man who I´ve dreamt of for a whole year and that now I get to call mine. A man that loves me, supports me and believes in me more than I believe in myself; sometimes I even wonder if I should be scared, if all of this might end abruptly and I´ll be left hurt and alone, dreaming of these days like I once fantasized about being with him.

I try to push those thoughts away from me as quick as possible, knowing if I give in to these ideas, I might become obsessed with being perfect and maintaining the happiness we have now. Trying to fill my head with something else, I reach for my phone and open the camera, snapping a couple of photos of Armie. The light hits him and creates different patterns on his body, which makes the photo seem like a painting, a work of art, just like he is.

The phone starts vibrating in my hand and I quickly jump out of the bed, quietly walking to the living area so I won't wake Armie up. I take a good look at the screen, throw myself on the couch and press the phone to my ear, Pauline´s excited voice filling my ears.

“Bonne nuit ma chère.”

“Bonjour, Pauli.”

“I hope I didn't wake you up, I know it's late in California, but I am dying to know how the trip is going.”

I chuckle, curling up on the couch as I stare out at the view of the city. “It's been amazing, Pauli. The city is beautiful and being here with Armie sure makes it so much better, so even what could be an issue becomes something a lot less serious.”

“An issue? Did something happen between you two?”

“Us? Not really, but when we showed up for the event Armie was speaking, his ex boyfriend was also there.”

“As in the one who cheated on him?”

“Exactly. The man he loved and that crushed his feelings and played with him for almost an entire year.”

Pauline is silent for a second or two and then I can hear a little sigh. “Is this jealousy I hear?”

“Not really. I mean, it ain´t easy to hear Armie say he loved him and it was even harder to be face to face with him, but overall I don't think I was jealous. To be frank with you, I think anger is the right word to describe how I was feeling.”

“You feeling protective of Armie, is that it?”

“Exactly. Seeing how tense he got when Connor showed up, seeing the look on his face when he told me why their relationship started to crumble and how scared he was that I would end up disappointed with him like Connor was. I don't know, I think seeing him so vulnerable caused me to target this anger towards Connor, because somehow he was responsible for it.” I sigh, closing my eyes for a brief second and then turning on my back. “Being around the guy definitely made me go through a lot of emotions, but it also made me feel closer to Armie. Does any of that even make sense?”

“Yes, perfect sense. You are in love with him in a way you´ve never been before with anyone else, you're exploring a new kind of relationship and you love him so much you just can't stand the idea of him getting hurt. It seems reasonable to me.”

“Thanks. Seriously, thanks for calling, because I think I really needed to talk to someone else about this.”

“I know it's none of my business, but you said something caused their relationship to crumble.”

“Yes.”

“Is there something other than the cheating?”

“Connor wanted a family, he had plans to adopt a baby and Armie...well, Armie doesn't want kids.”

“And you're okay with this?”

“Yes, I am.” I smile to myself in the darkness, feeling completely in peace with my answer. I keep on talking to Pauline, keeping my voice down and trying not to laugh too much. Once we hang up the phone, almost an hour later, I turn around and feel my eyes getting heavy, my body nearly succumbing to sleep.

It takes all of my energy to get up, but I do so and lazily drag myself back to bed, lying beside Armie, who puts an arm around me and buries his face on my neck. It doesn't take even a full minute for me to actually fall asleep.

 


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul has something to say.

The elevators door close and Armie slams his back against the wall; he closes his eyes, lets out a heavy sigh and then runs a hand through his hair. Once he opens his eyes again, he smiles sweetly at me; I wink and snuggle close to him, wrapping my arms around his waist as I lean my head on his chest.

It only takes us a couple of seconds until the elevator stops and we are in Armie´s floor; he takes our bags in his hands and steps out, while I trail behind, playing with the key to his apartment. I unlock the door, slide it open and let him in, locking it behind us. I stretch myself and walk over to the kitchen as Armie places our bags under the staircase; when he joins me in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my cheek repeatedly, I can't help but giggle.

I turn around on his arms, grab onto his neck and let our lips meet in a passionate kiss. He pushes me against the kitchen counter, knots his fingers on my hair and pulls on it slightly, which makes me moan in between the kiss. My hands run down his chest and inside his shirt, feeling his skin against my palms and the hardness of his body.

Armie slides his hands down to my thighs, takes a hold of them and pulls me up on the counter. I pull on his bottom lip and he opens his eyes, staring at me with love and desire. He remains in silence for a while, just staring at me and playing with my hair, sending little shivers down my spine from time to time.

“Back to reality,” he finally whispers. “We´re back to light touches, cryptic photos and sneaking out after classes.”

“I'm not gonna lie, a part of me actually likes the thrill of a secret relationship, it can be quite fun and sexy. But I am counting down the days so I can actually be in your arms, hug and kiss you whenever and wherever I want, like any other couple does and without the fear of getting caught.”

“Four more weeks, that's it, twenty eight days and we'll be free to do whatever we want.”

“What do you wanna do first?”

He chuckles, shrugging his shoulders. “I don't know, I never really thought about it. Do you have anything special you wanna do?”

“Not really. Just the fact that we will be able to do whatever the hell we want is enough for me.”

Armie kisses me softly, his lips lingering against mine as he strokes my cheeks. “You're the best boyfriend anyone could ask for, Tim. The way you handled Catherine and Connor, the fact you even accepted being with me even though it had to be in secret. I don't deserve you.”

"That's bullshit, because I would not go through any of this if it were not for you. You're the reason I have the strength to face anything that comes our way, be it your sister or Connor or whatever else we might have to face.” Armie stares at me, chuckles and then shakes his head, which makes me arch an eyebrow in confusion. “What? What did I say that was so amusing?”

“Nothing, but you might be the wiser and most intelligent twenty two year old I have ever come across. Which makes me love you more than I already do, if that´s even possible.”

I wink and pull him closer, kissing his lips softly. “You know what else this wise and intelligent twenty two year old wants?”

“What?”

“Some proper food, because the food on that airplane was just a big no for me.”

“Okay, I´ll see what I have here.”

“Or maybe we could just order something.”

“I'm not sure there's much, but I can cook us something really fast.”

“We just got back from a long trip, I am dead tired and I am sure so are you, Armie. Let's order something, take a nice bath while we wait and then just chill for a while. Can we do that?”

He stares at me for a while then nods his head and reaches for the menus at the little shelf under the counter top, handing them all to me with a smile. “You go through the menus, choose whatever you want and I will go run us a bath.”

“That's perfect.” Armie kisses me softly, but quickly pulls away and heads to the bathroom, while I take a close look at all the menus. “You fancy some Thai?”

“Whatever you want, babe.”

“Thai it is then.”

 

********

 

Led Zeppelin is playing on the record player, the curtains are wide open and the sunlight is coming through the large windows. Armie is sitting on the living room floor, his back leaned against the couch as I lay with my head on top of his thigh. I got my eyes closed, on the verge of falling asleep while Armie runs his fingers through my hair and hums along with the song.

Armie shifts around and I groan a little in annoyance, only to seconds later feel his soft lips against my face. I chuckle as he places kisses on my forehead, eyelids, cheeks, nose and chin, all the while his hand cradles my face and his thumb rubs against my skin. When he finally moves to my lips, he pecks them quickly and loudly while I take a hold of his sweater and keep him close.

It's funny, I never really saw myself as the type of guy who engages in this kind of things, all the cuddling and kissing around is not something I was actually used to, but then again, Armie is the first serious relationship I am in, one I am enjoying more than I ever thought I would and that has allowed me to reach out to a part of me not even I really knew.

His hand slides down to my waist and I open my mouth, silently inviting his tongue in, which he does right away. I moan softly, hold onto his arms and push myself up on my knees; I swing a leg over his body, tower over him and slide my fingers onto his hair, tugging on it as he rests his hands on my ass.

I pull away, gasping for air and swiftly pull the sweater off of him, tossing it to the floor. Armie forces me down on his lap, stretches out the collar of my shirt and bites down on my shoulder, causing me to throw my head back and squint my eyes shut in a mix of pain and pleasure.

Armie makes me face him and through clouded vision, I stare at him, quivering lips and heart pounding on my chest. I lean in to him, resting my forehead against his and grind our crotches together, smirking as Armie bites on his lip and breathes heavily. As he leans forward to kiss me, his large hands on my neck, his phone starts ringing and we both groan in unison.

“Don't answer,” I practically whisper.

“It might be important.”

“It's not important.” I say in between kisses on his neck. “It's probably just some random telemarketing.”

Armie reaches for his phone on the couch and looks at it from the corner of his eyes, while I remain placing kisses all over his shoulder and chest. He sighs, hits answer and presses the phone against his ear, earning a glare from me.

“Hey mom.”

“Oh.” I bite on my lip and roll over to the floor, fixing my clothes and hair, almost as if his mom could sense what we were doing.

“Everything was great, mom. Timothée and I had a lot of fun.” I arch an eyebrow and he shrugs, smiling over at me as I shake my head. “Well, actually, he's right beside me. Yes, yes I am sure he knows that, mom. Yes, I have made sure to explain to him you don't agree with what Catherine did...no mom, he's not mad at you, there's no reason for him to be.”

I chuckle, covering my mouth so she won't hear me. Armie´s cheeks are a bright pink right now and I don't even know if it's because he is actually having to deal with his mom in front of me, or if it's still from our little make out session.

“Do you want to talk to him yourself? I am sure he would love to.” My eyes widen and he smirks, taking a hold of my hand before I can even think of moving away. “Yes, I´ll pass him the phone, just a second.”

He hands me the phone and I glare at him, watching as he bites hard on his lip to keep himself from laughing. He shoves the phone to my ear and I mouth a quick  _ I hate you. _

“Hi, Mrs. Hammer.”

“Timothée, it's nice to finally hear from you. I heard wonderful stories about you.”

“You did? Well, I'm sure your son exaggerated on whatever he said about me.”

“I don't think so, I don't even know you and yet I am already sure you're exactly what he needs.”

I look over at Armie from the corner of my eyes and see him staring at me with a proud smile on his face. I'm gonna kill him for whatever he has said about me to his mom, but I can't help but feel my heart fill with love at the thought of him talking to her about me.

“Well, I´ve heard wonderful things about you too and I can't wait to meet you.”

 

*******

 

From the middle of the street you can already heard the buzz, people talking, singing and laughing, taking over the sidewalk in front of the bar and making it their own little dance floor. Inside, the lights are dimmed low, the loud sound of the drums reverberates and gives the impression the whole place is about to crumble to the ground.

I run a hand through my hair, my eyes scanning the crowded bar in search of a familiar face. I spin around a couple of times, groaning in frustration until I see Ansel from the corner of my eyes; he's grabbing a beer, body leaned forward on the counter and eyes down on his phone.

“Ansel!” I shout and raise my hand, trying to make my way through the crowd that separates us. When I finally reach him, I let out a sigh and immediately turn to the bartender, asking for a beer too.

“Well well well, I thought you wouldn't make it.”

“Almost didn't. I was too tired and wanted to stay in today, but Armie insisted that I should come and celebrate with you guys.”

“I think he is absolutely right.” He shouts through the excessively loud noise in the bar. “So, how was California?”

“It was incredible, even if it did have its  _ what the fuck _ moments.”

Ansel arches an eyebrow. “Did something happen?”

“It turns out his ex boyfriend was speaking at the same event as he was.”

“You're joking, right?” I shake my head, an annoyed look on my face, which makes Ansel cringe. “How did that happen?”

“Can we talk about this later? I don't feel like talking about his ex right now.” Ansel nods just as the bartender hands us our beers; we thank him and Ansel gestures for me to follow him. “Where is the birthday boy?”

“Getting shitfaced.”

“As he should.”

Ansel chuckles and tries to dodge some people, leading me back to where the rest of the boys are. It's been quite a while since I have come to a night out with guys from class, but since it was Matt´s birthday and Armie made sure to tell me -more than once- that I should enjoy the time I have around them before classes are over, I decided it wouldn't be such a bad thing to join them for the night.

“Look who decided to show up.” Matt shouts as Ansel and I take a seat. I shrug my shoulders and he chuckles, patting my back. “Nice to have you with us, Tim, it's been a while.”

“I know, I just have a lot on my plate lately.”

“Oh, did you also got yourself a boyfriend?”

I arch an eyebrow as I hear Jensen´s question. “What you mean by also?”

“Mr. Hammer, or you're gonna tell me you didn't notice?”

And that's when everything seems to slow down around me. I stare at Jensen, my mouth going dry and my hands shaking as I keep telling myself this is nothing serious, that they don't actually know anything.

Why do they always have to end up talking about Armie?

“I honestly don't know what you are talking about.”

“You follow Mr. Hammer on Instagram, don't you?” Matt asks and I give him a slow nod, almost as if I am scared even that will give something away. “Then you must have noticed that he has been posting photos of this random guy, we have seen photos of the guy´s legs, of him walking, there was a story of four feet moving  _ en pointe _ , but he has never posted a photo of this guy´s face, so we´ve been sitting here for a few minutes now trying to see if we can find out who he is.”

I look over at Ansel and I just know my expression is the one of a person who´s desperately searching for help.

“And how exactly do you guys plan on figuring out who this guy is?” Ansel asks, leaning closer to Matt, who´s going through Armie´s Instagram. I see a photo of the sunrise in Santa Monica and have to control all my instincts not to smile like a teenager in love, so I chug on my beer, my eyes shortly meeting Paul´s. “I mean, even if you guys do get a clue, what makes you think we know his boyfriend?”

“Oh please, he is always at that damn studio, Ansel. Do you really think he had that much free time on his hands?” Evan says with a smirk. “He is definitely going out with one of his students.”

“What?!” I nearly choke on my beer, but manage to keep what I think is a straight face. Ansel looks at me briefly and kick my feet under the table, a clear  _ get a grip _ sign. “I think you guys are reaching a little bit, he could be dating anyone.”

“You sound very keen on dismissing this hypotheses, Ansel.”

Matt chuckles. “Are you Mr. Hammer´s boyfriend, Ansel?”

“I'm straight.”

“Okay, good point. So Ansel, Jensen and Jacob are full on straight guys. This would leave nine of us, but since I know it's not me, then there's eight possibilities left.”

“Maybe it's someone from the afternoon period.”

“No, it's not.” We all turn to Paul, who´s been quiet all this time. “He teaches teenagers on the afternoon, my sister has classes with him. So unless we think he is  _ that  _ kind of guy, then no, definitely not someone from the afternoon.”

There's a moment of silence and then they all nod in agreement. This whole situation is ridiculous and I have never been this scared and anxious in my life, but it's good to know creep and possible pedophile are not things they associate Armie with.

“Timothée…” I turn to Ashton, arching an eyebrow as he winks at me. “You have always been his favorite.”

“I honestly think you guys are giving too much thought into this, it could literally be anyone.” They shake their heads and I sigh. “He could have met this guys anywhere.”

“Maybe that's why he went to California.” Matt jumps in. “Maybe his boyfriend lives there and that's why he basically cancelled an entire week of class right before our auditions.”

Jensen smirks. “Whoever that guy is, he must be great in bed to get Mr. Hammer to leave us alone for an entire week.”

“Then maybe we should be thankful for him.” I turn to look at Ansel, who shrugs his shoulders. “Mr. Hammer has been a lot more relaxed the last few months.”

“That's true, he actually smiled the other day and I could barely believe it.”

I chuckle, finally relaxing a little bit as they seem to slowly drift off from the subject of the boyfriend and focus on Armie and his brand new attitude.

 

*******

 

“You think he was trying to throw you and Armie against one another?”

I shrug my shoulders and leans against the brick wall, taking a few sips of my beer. Ansel and I are at the open area of the bar, where people usually go to have a cigarette. Although the smell is not the most pleasant one, this was the only place we could find where we could actually talk and have some privacy, even if we were still surrounded by people.

“I honestly don't know, Ansel. He talked to me in a way that insinuated a lot more than what actually happened and he had this constant grin on his face, but I don't know the guy, maybe that's just how he is.”

“You said he spent most of the party staring at you and Armie.” I nod and he shrugs. “I don't know, but it seemed to me he was trying to see how far he could push you two, when things would get strangely uncomfortable.”

“He has a fiancé, what would he gain with that?”

“People are weird, Tim. God knows what went through this guy´s head as he saw Armie there with you, happy. The guy who he cheated on has moved on, found someone he loves more than he has ever loved him, maybe he didn't like to see that.”

I furrow my eyebrows, my eyes stuck on Ansel´s for a moment. “Okay, this conversation is making me depressed as fuck. To think someone is so self centered, that he would get angry at an ex moving on is ridiculous.”

“But totally possible.” I sigh and Ansel chuckles, tossing his beer bottle in the nearest trash can. His phones bips and he reaches out for it, smiling as he reads something on it.

“Olivia?”

He nods. “I think I'm heading home, dude. She just got back from Sarah´s and we haven't seen each other the whole day, so…”

“I think I´ll go too, Armie is waiting for me at home.”

He arches an eyebrow, an smirk on his face. “At home? One trip together and his apartment is already your home?”

“I didn't mean it that way.”

“Yes, yes you did.” I roll my eyes and he laughs, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as we make our way back inside the crowded and hot bar. “Look, I think it's awesome how great you two get along, but calm down.”

“I don't need this kind of conversation, Ansel. It just slip out of my mouth, okay? I won't be moving in anytime soon, neither Armie nor I are crazy enough for that. We´re living day by day and even though things might get intense sometimes, we are not pushing anything.”

“If you say so.”

I take his arm away from me and push him away, while gesturing behind me. “I´ll go to the bathroom, see you outside?”

“I´ll be waiting.”

I nod and as Ansel makes his way outside, I turn back around and walk towards the bathroom, which apart from Paul is surprisingly empty.He is standing on the first urinal and our eyes meet for a brief second, before I nod my head and quietly make my way to the urinal further away from him.

Silence fills the room, an awkwardness I will never be able to explain and that I honestly don't know where it comes from. We´ve known each other for nearly two years now, we spend four hours together every single day of the week and yet, I highly doubt we ever exchanged more than a couple of words. And none of them were actually meaningful.

The longest minute of my life goes by and I walk over to the sink, washing my hands as Paul does the exact same thing. I look at him through the mirror, his eyes are down and I keep debating with myself if I should try to say something to clear the air, make any kind of small talk and see if we can actually hold a conversation.

It seems Paul was thinking the exact same, because before I even come up with something to say to him, I realize he is already talking to me.

“....but then, that's really none of my business.”

I furrow my eyebrows, utterly confused with whatever the hell he is saying. “I'm sorry, what?”

“I'm talking about the way you acted while the guys were talking about Mr. Hammer´s boyfriend.”

He says this in the most nonchalant voice ever, his slim figure wandering around the bathroom in search for paper towels; all the while my heart is already pounding on my chest. Why the fuck is he talking about this?

“I mean, you could try to engage more in the conversation instead of looking almost scared by it.”

“I don't know why you're suddenly talking about this, Paul. I don't get how the way I react to that kind of conversation is important.”

“I say it's very important if you want to keep the lie.”

Dry mouth, shaky hands and sweaty forehead. I can't find the strength to look at myself in the mirror, but I am sure I look like a wreck. This is not happening, he must be joking; a terrible, terrible joke, but a joke.

“Paul, where are you going with this?”

He sighs, takes a few steps closer to me and looks around the bathroom as if to make sure we´re still the only ones in. “I know about you and Mr. Hammer.”

“What? I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Timothée, I know you are Mr. Hammer´s boyfriend.”

  
  



	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armie and Timothée talk about Paul.

I slide the door close with gently, trying to be as quiet as possible and lean my back against it. I let out a sigh and close my eyes for a brief moment, my head still spinning with the events of the night. I take a look around the apartment and push away from the door, walking to the window and closing the curtains Armie left open.

I place my phone down on the desk and head up the stairs, taking off my shoes in the meantime. I smile down at Armie, push some hair back, then take off my jeans and shirt, before climbing on bed with him and fixing the covers. I run a finger down his stubble and then push some of his hair back, retrieving my hand quickly as he moves.

I bite on my lip and watch as Armie lets out a sigh, blinking a couple of times before he fully opens his eyes and greets me with a lazy smile.

“You're home already.”

_ Home. _

**_Home._ **

He said it too and I can't help but smile, because despite what I have said earlier to Ansel, this is my home. Not his apartment, not mine, but him. So every time I am back in his arms, I am indeed back home.

“I just got here,” I whisper while tracing his lips with my fingertip. He wraps an arm around me and pulls my body closer to his, our noses brush together, our eyes remain locked and I cradle his face before he leans in and kisses me softly. 

Trying to keep my mind off of what happened, I keep Armie close to me and deepen our kiss, feeling his stubble scratch my skin and his tongue dance along with mine. He knots his fingers on my hair and I smile, for a moment -even if a brief one- Paul´s words disappearing from my head.

“How was the night out with the guys?” He asks once we finally break the kiss. “Did you have fun?”

“Yes, it was alright.”

“Just alright?”

I close my eyes and let out a sigh. A part of me says we should leave this for tomorrow, it's late at night and we could both use some rest. But there is another part of me who knows that I won't even be able to sleep properly, let alone wait until tomorrow to tell Armie everything.

Besides, he can always tell when I am keeping something from him.

“Timothée, did something happen?”

“Paul happened. Well, actually we happened and Paul was just on the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Paul knows about us, Armie.”

A whole minute of silence follows, Armie sits on the bed and I do the same, watching as he buries his face on his hands and shakes his head. I reach out to touch him, let a hand rest on his shoulder and try to put on a smile as he finally looks up and in my direction.

“How did he figure it out?”

“I wasn't in my best state of my mind when everything happened, I was way too shocked to make sense of most of things he told me, but apparently he walked back to the studio one day after class to talk to you and the door was open, he saw us together and just run off”

Armie nods, inhales and then exhales deeply. He runs his hands through his hair, his eyes locked straight ahead and I can see he is in deep thought. I remain quiet, letting him go through everything that's on his mind, but deep inside I am shaking in fear. Fear of him thinking we should stay away from one another for a while; fear of Paul spreading this to everyone in class; fear that he has already told his parents and that any day now they are gonna threaten Armie and his whole career.

Fear of not knowing what to expect.

When Armie looks back at me again, his face is calm and he even tries to put on a small smile; clearly more to reassure me than anything else. He reaches out to my hand and I crawl over to him, nestling myself in between his legs. He kisses my cheek, hugs me tight and I can feel my body relax a little bit more. He truly is my home, my safe haven.

“Knowing you the way I do, I know you must be all over the place right now, but please don't let this take over your head or blame yourself for anything, okay?” I nod slowly and move my head to the side so I can look at him. “I know this is not what we wanted to happen, but we can't freak out before we know exactly what is going on.”

“So what do you suggest?”

“I don't think there's many options here, Tim. We wait until Monday and then we talk to Paul and try to sort this all out.”

“You think it will work?”

“I don't know when he saw us, but it was before California. So if he managed to keep his mouth shut until now, I think we´re safe until Monday.”

“Okay.”

“Tim?”

“Yes?”

“That changes nothing between us, okay?” I turn around now, staring into his eyes. “If this thing blows up, we deal with it together.”

“Together.”

 

*******

  
  


When I wake up Armie is already sitting on the counter, a toast and a mug of coffee in front of him as he scrolls through his phone. From the railing, I stare at him for a while, watching as he peacefully eats his breakfast as if nothing is going on. First his ex boyfriend shows up, now Paul knows about us and yet, somehow he manages to keep himself together. How he does this will always remain a mystery to me. I reach for a shirt and put it on, before lazily going down the stairs, trying my best to smile as he turns around on the stool and stares at me. 

“Good morning.”

“Good morning.” He wraps me in his arms and kisses me softly, but his expression swiftly changes into a worried one. “Have you managed to get any sleep last night?”

“A little bit. But if I am being honest, I spent most of the night staring into the ceiling, trying to find a way to calm myself down.”

“Babe, you can't let this get the best of you, okay? Try to relax, focus on something else and put a smile on that beautiful face of yours.”

“Hard to smile right now, Armie.”

“And why is that?”

“You know damn well why, Armie, don't play dumb.”

The tone in my voice is a little harsher than I wanted it to be, but Armie doesn't seem to care. He leans against the counter, tucks some curls behind my ear and gives me one of the warmest smiles he has ever given me.

“Tim, he knows and right now there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. I know you´re anxious and worried, I know you're probably thinking of all the ways things can go down, picturing all those angry moms coming at me, but you need to find a way to let go of all of this and focus on right now. Focus on us and the fact we planned a dinner with your friends tonight, that's something to look forward to.”

“How can you be so calm in a moment like this, Armie?” He shrugs and I shake my head, leaning closer to him and grabbing onto his shirt. “First your sister, then Connor and now this, there's not even a part of you that might think this is all a sign that hell is about to break loose around us?”

“No.”

“No? Not even a little bit?”

“I don't care what is going on around us, Tim, I care about what's going on between us. And through everything that's happened this past month, one thing hasn't changed and is the fact I love you. And because I love you so much, I´ll be here to balance your freaking out and your anxiety, I´ll hold your hand, I´ll take you in my arms and I will do whatever I can to make you feel better.”

I can feel my eyes water as I put on a smile, this time a genuine and meaningful one. I have no idea what I did to deserve someone like Armie in my life. 

“Can you promise me one thing?”

Armie arches an eyebrow, but nods anyway. “Sure, what is it?”

“No matter what happens between us, even if it doesn't work out on a long term and we break up, just promise me you will never disappear from my life.”

“Tim, that's not gonna…”

“Armie, please.”

“I promise you, I´ll never turn my back on you.” 

I nod and hug him tight, burying my face on the crook of his neck as he strokes my back. I try to control myself, to keep myself from breaking down, but there is so much going through my head right now I can't help but let some tears fall. I grab fistfuls of Armie´s shirt, making sure he doesn't pull away and he slides his hand up to my hair, stroking it softly until I start to calm down.

Armie pulls me away slowly, cradles my face and smiles while he wipes away my tears with his thumb. “Hey, everything is gonna be okay.”

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for just breaking down like this.”

“You're only human, Tim. We´ve been through a few unpleasant things lately and you have a lot on your head already with the auditions, it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes.”

“Thank you.” 

Armie shrugs and winks at me before hugging me one more time. “Why don't you sit down now and get something to eat?”

“I´ll do that.”

“Then we can discuss what we will have for dinner, I need to know what your friends like.”

I look over at him with a smile on my face and nod my head. This little things he does, like wanting to know exactly what my friends like so he can make a dinner that will please them, makes me love him even more than already do.

 

********

 

The remainings of our dinner remain on the table while we sit on the living room floor, glasses in hand, music playing on the background, laughter and chatter. I have to admit with everything that is going on, a part of me doubted I could actually enjoy this night and have fun, but it turned out this was exactly what I needed to help take my mind off of Paul and what might happen on Monday.

Sarah and Olivia played the part exactly as I predicted they would, asking Armie a million questions and gazing at him like two high school girls who have a crush on the school´s jock. There wasn't a word he uttered that they did not pay attention to, not a movement he made that wasn´t met by their constant stare. It was almost as if my infatuation for Armie had rubbed on them.

Ansel took a little while to get used to the whole situation, knowing your best friend is dating your teacher is one thing, actually being on your teacher´s apartment is a whole new world. Of course with everything he had heard me say about my relationship with Armie, it didn't take long for his awkwardness to disappear. Actually, it only took him one beer.

“....no no no, you have absolutely no idea of the level of fuckboi vibes on this guy during high school. You would never imagine that once he took off those pants, which were nearly on the middle of his thighs, he would put on his tights and gracefully spin around a ballet studio.”

I glare at Olivia, shaking my head as I hear Armie laugh. He wraps his arms around my shoulder, pulls me closer to his chest and kisses my cheek. “I'm loving every single second of this.”

“Of course you are, you have three people telling you all these embarrassing stories about me, what's not to like?”

“You had your fair share of embarrassing stories about me.”

“Jack told me one story about you and then you nearly threatened his life, so I think I'm in disadvantage here.”

Armie rolls his eyes. “Fine, next time he is in town, I´ll let him tell you all the stories.”

“Good.” I kiss him quickly and once I turn back around, Sarah and Olivia are looking at us with smiles on their faces. “Okay, you two can stop with the heart eye shit, is not like this is the first time you see us together.”

“No, but we barely had time to talk at the Halloween party,” starts Sarah, pouring some wine on her glass. “And then you two flew to California, we barely got any intel on this relationship.”

“Oh please, don't ask too much, because he will tell you.”

Armie laughs, shaking his head before giving Ansel a reassuring smile. “I'm sorry, Ansel, I feel like you´ve been hearing way more than you expected to hear about your ballet teacher.”

“And you are absolutely right. The funny thing is, he actually lied to me about his crush on you until I confronted him and now he can't stop talking.”

“So this is how this night is gonna go down? You all trash talking about me? Embarrassing me with all these high school stories? I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this dinner.”

“Oh please, you're loving this.” Olivia winks and I roll my eyes. “Oh c´mon Tim, you know of the four of us, you're the one with the most exciting life right now, so it's only fair.”

“What about you and your boyfriend, because I heard talk about wedding, so I would say your life is way more exciting than mine.”

“Wedding?” Armie asks surprised. “You two are thinking of getting married any time soon?”

“Nope.” They both answer in unison, making us laugh.

“We want to get married, have a family and all, but is definitely not happening right now. Tim is just trying to shift the conversation topic out of him.”

I shrug, snuggling myself on Armie´s arms as I take the glass from him and take a few sips. “I was trying, but clearly failed.”

 

**********

 

Concentration is the one thing I am lacking today, the moment I walked into the studio and bumped straight into Paul, all the focus and calm I had went out of the window and I was left once again scared and anxious. Talking to Armie about it was a big no since everyone was around, leaving class equally as bad of an idea, so all I could do was stay, try my best not to mess up and just hope the hours went by fast enough so this could all be done. 

I tried to concentrate on Armie´s calming words, on the fact that if Paul knew about us and still managed to remain quiet until last Friday, it probably means he won't tell anyone else. I tried, I really did, but nothing seemed to work and in my crazy state of mind, not one single step came out right.

“Timothée!” I snap out of my thoughts, turn to look over at Armie and can feel not only his intense stare, but also the looks the other guys give me. “Chin up, eyes ahead, straight out your leg and pay attention.”

“Sorry.” The world slips out of my mouth in a whisper and I quickly straighten out my posture, only to catch Paul looking at me through the mirror. We stare at one another for a moment, only breaking contact when Armie´s voice fills the room and we have to change positions.

I turn to my side and see Ansel looking at me with worried eyes. He still doesn't know what happened, I tried my best to play it cool after we left the bar, not really in the mood to throw more of my problems at him when I am sure he has his own things to solve.

I shrug and give him a small smile, trying to reassure him everything is okay. I highly doubt he buys it though, because the way he keeps looking at me is quite telling. I gesture over to Armie and he sighs, turning his attention back to the front.

“Okay, we have time for one more, let's go.”

I inhale deeply, trying to relax my body and move to an Arabesque, followed by a single Pirouette and finish with a Grand Jeté. When Armie turns the music off, I sigh in relief and lean forward, resting my hands on my knees. Never have I been so glad to see a class end.

“Good job, guys, I´ll see you all tomorrow.” The guys nod and as always rush around, getting their bags, running to the locker room or simply walking out. There's not even half of us left when Armie´s voice fills the air again. “Paul, can you stay, please? I need to talk to you.”

There's some teasing from the remaining guys, but it all ends quickly. Left confused beside me, Ansel slowly packs his bag, his eyes wandering from me, to Armie and then Paul.

“What the fuck is going on?”

I turn to look at him and shake my head. “Stop by the bookstore later, I´ll tell you everything.”

“Okay, I´ll see you later then.” He looks over at Armie, nods his head and then heads out of the studio, closing the door behind him.

An awkward silence fills the room, the three of us staring at each other, building enough courage to speak, but seeming to fail miserably. I am not gonna lie, I spent hours in front of the mirror last night, trying to come up with a good way to have this conversation, but it all seemed desperate.

_ Maybe because you are desperate. _

I look to my side as Armie makes his way over, wraps an arm around my shoulders and brings me closer to his body. Paul silently watches us and I can already feel my cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“Look Paul, Timothée told me about what happened on Friday and as awkward as this may be, I need us to have this conversation.”

Paul nods, takes a step closer to us and tucks his hands in his jeans. “I never meant to cause any trouble, you know?”

“We know that Paul, you were kind enough to come to us first and we truly appreciate that. It's just that this is a very delicate situation, there are things at stake here and we´re just trying to make sure you understand why we can't have anyone figure this out. At least not for now.”

“You don't really have to tell me any of this, Mr. Hammer. I understand that you are both scared of what people might think, of how that could affect your career and if depends on me no one will know anything about your relationship.”

“Really?” My voice sounds a lot more squeaky than I want to, but fuck it, there's nothing I can do about it. “You're not gonna tell any of the guys? Or your parents?”

“I´ve been keeping this to myself for two weeks now, Timothée and lets be honest here, there's absolutely no reason for me to say anything to anyone. I don't get anything out of this situation, it's your lives and you are both adults, you know what you are doing.”

“Paul, neither one of us wanted something like this to happen, I am so sorry you have to be dragged into our lie without even asking for.”

“There's nothing to be sorry about, Mr. Hammer.” He smiles at us and I finally let out a sigh, feeling like this huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. “I'm a grown man, I can handle keeping something like this from everyone else, especially when I am aware of the consequences.”

I close my eyes, feel my body relax and then try to smile. “Thank you, Paul. Seriously, thank you so much for doing this.”

“You two can stop thanking me and apologizing. I´ll be okay and if depends on me, so will you.”

Armie takes a step closer to Paul, shakes his hand and smiles. “Thank you for allowing us to have this conversation and solve everything.”

“No problem.” He looks from me to Armie, bites on his lip and then scratches the back of his head. “Can I go now? My dad is waiting for me.”

“Of course, we don't want to disturb you any longer.”

Paul chuckles, waves at me and then grabs his bag while he heads to the door. I wrap my arms around Armie´s waist, lean my head against his chest and look over to the door, watching as Paul stops and turns around. He gives a kind of shy smile and shrugs his shoulders, looking almost like a kid.

“You guys are cute together, by the way.”

Armie and I chuckle. “Thank you.”

  
  
  



	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months together and the guys find a nice way to celebrate.

As it usually happens on the weekends, I wake up to an empty bed and a quiet apartment, a now knowing signal that Armie has already left for his morning jogging. I have to admit that at first it felt a little odd that while he could stay in bed with me, he would still rather wake up early in the morning to run and sweat. But after a few weeks, I actually started to enjoy the moments of solitude in his apartment.

Standing in front of the closet, I look through some of the clothes I got here until my eyes land on Armie´s black satin bomber jacket. He bought it while we were in California and I can vividly remember just how sexy he looked in it. I take the jacket off of the hanger and put it over my naked body; the smooth fabric kisses my skin and the contrast of colors immediately takes me back to a couple weeks ago, when I danced for Armie with the black ribbons.

I stare at myself up and down in the mirror. The shoulders are obviously too big and the jacket goes all the way to my mid thighs; it's a look that should be silly and yet -whether is for what it reminds me of or for who it belongs to-, it arouses and gives me goosebumps. I pull the zipper up, run my fingers through the  **_H_ ** patch on the left side and smirk to myself; never could I imagine a jacket would bring me so many dirty thoughts.

I stare at myself for a couple more seconds, chuckling at the silliness of all the thoughts going through my head. I push some hair back, look around the messy room and bite on my lip; maybe it's time to concentrate on something more productive. I walk over to the other side of the room, get on my knees and go through Armie´s record collection, picking one out and placing it on the record player; the music starts and my body instinctively starts to move, head bobbing and hand patting on my thigh. I pick some of our clothes that are scattered on the ground and get up, swaying my hips from side to side as I walk over to the laundry basket and throw the clothes inside.

 

_ Listen to the wind blow, watch the sun rise _

_ Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies _

 

The chorus comes, I bang my head from side to side, stomp my foot on the floor and pull out the best air guitar I can master.

 

_ And if, you don't love me now _

_ You will never love me again _

_ I can still hear you saying _

_ You would never break the chain (Never break the chain) _

 

I moonwalk to the other side of the room, my arms doing wave like motions in the air. I stand in the front of the mirror, dramatically walk over to it and rotate my body to the beat of the song, my lips mouthing the lyrics that I don't know quite that well.

 

_ And if you don't love me now _

_ You will never love me again _

_ I can still hear you saying _

_ You would never break the chain (Never break the chain) _

 

I grab onto my hair, then slide my hand down my face, neck, shoulders and down my body, the smoothness of the fabric making me smile. I slowly pull on the hem of the jacket, sensually exposing my thighs and a bit of my cock.

 

_ Listen to the wind blow, down comes the night _

_ Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies _

_ Break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light _

 

I move around in circles, shaking my ass and watching from over my shoulder how does it look in the mirror; I smirk at myself, giggle and keep on going, sliding my hand up my body. I stomp my foot once again, sway from side to side and then crouch of my knees.

 

_ And if you don't love me now _

_ You will never love me again _

_ I can still hear you saying _

_ You would never break the chain (Never break the chain) _

I get up and go for a  _ Pirouette _ , give half a spin and stop abruptly as I see Armie standing there, arms crossed, back up against the wall and a wide smirk plastered on his face. I bite on my lip, feeling my cheeks flush and even my ears burn in embarrassment. Nothing like getting caught by your boyfriend doing silly dances on his bedroom while half naked.

Silently and with his eyes locked on me, like a wild animal about to jump on his prey, Armie walks closer. I look up once he is standing in front of me, blink a couple of times and then close my eyes as his fingers finds my skin, stroking my cheek and then my lip. He is close enough for me to sense the strong, mainly scent of his, now mixed with sweat.

 

_ Chain keep us together (running in the shadow) _

_ Chain keep us together (running in the shadow) _

_ Chain keep us together (running in the shadow) _

 

I take his fingers in my mouth, suck on it and hear his breathing get caught up. He takes his finger away, holds onto my jaw and pulls my face to his, kissing me fiercely. My hands hold onto his arms, squeezing the muscles as I bring myself closer to him, feeling the heat of his body.

Armie breaks the kiss, traces the tip of his tongue across my puffed lips and then forces me to turn around. He slams my back against his body, one of his large hands resting on my stomach while the other pulls on my hair. I gasp, rub my ass against his crotch and smile as his lips find my neck, sucking on it.

“Do you have any idea how gorgeous you look right now?”

I open my eyes and stare at us in the mirror. Armie´s eyes are intense and darker, his face is flushed and I am not so different myself. When his hand leaves my hair, it slides down my sides all the way to my thighs. He stops there, his fingers tease the hem of the jacket, making my body shiver in anticipation every single time he threatens to lift it up, but he just chuckles and stops.

 

_ Chain keep us together (running in the shadow) _

_ Chain keep us together (running in the shadow) _

_ Chain keep us together (running in the shadow) _

 

I groan, place my head back on his shoulder and take long breaths; my cock is hard, my body is burning and low moans escape me even if we´re not doing anything.

“So, so beautiful.”

Armie´s hands slide over to my ass, his fingers teasing my hole and making me whimper. I bite on my lip, spread my legs open and let out a sigh as his finger finally enters me; he whispers on my ear, praises me and tells me how beautiful I look in his jacket. The motion of his hand causes the satin to rub against my asscheeks, adding a new and extremely satisfying sensation to an already great moment.

“Lean against the mirror.”

I don't speak not do I nod, I simply follow his instructions and lean against the mirror, eyes wide open and body slightly shaken as Armie slides down to the floor. His hands part my cheeks and in seconds I am welcomed by his wet tongue, which explores me in a way I will never be able to forget. Not that I would want to, I want to have that with me for the rest of my life, I want to have him for the rest of my life.

I moan and whimper, the sight on the mirror one of the most erotic things I have ever seen in my life. I lose myself in the sensations, the way Armie´s hands rub my legs up and down, the way he teases my balls and chuckles when I get too eager.

When he gets back up, my knees are weak and I can barely keep myself up. Armie holds onto my waist, kisses my neck and then guides my hand to my cock, making me stroke myself almost painfully slow. I start panting, my chest heaving and a few dribbles of sweat run down my back; Armie´s voice on my ear works as an anchor that keeps me grounded on this world and not lost in complete and utter pleasure.

He pulls my hand out just as I'm about to cum and I can't help but groan. He gestures to the bed, I nod and even with wobbly legs, make my way over to it. I watch him take off his clothes, toss them to the ground and crawl over my body, his eyes locked on mine and his fingertips tracing my feverish skin.

My lips quiver, my heart pounds on my chest and I debate with myself whether I should or not say what I am thinking, what I want. I need to feel him inside of me, his whole being, to have his flesh fully against mine. I knot my fingers on his hair, pull him down and through pressed lips let the words slip through.

“I don't want you to wear a condom today.” Armie blinks a couple of times, his grip on my waist tightening. “I want to feel all of you inside of me, nothing in between.”

“Are you sure?”

I simply nod, a smile on my face that he quickly mirrors. I spit on my hand, bring it down in between us and stroke Armie´s cock for a couple of seconds, watching as he closes his eyes and sighs. I wrap my legs around his hips, guide him to my hole and then dig my nails onto his waist, allowing him to take control.

Armie´s bare cock enters me slowly and I arch my back, moaning his name and dragging the  _ i.  _ He leans his forehead against mine, our eyes locked and he starts moving with steady and long thrusts. He kisses my face, a hand roaming through my body under the jacket while the other holds firmly onto my hip.

It's an incredible and indescribable feeling to have him inside of me like this, to feel every vein and the heat. I´ve dreamt of this moment for so long, now that I am finally experimenting, I can barely hold myself together. It makes only a couple of minutes and I feel Armie hit me right on the spot, I throw my head back, close my eyes and with a nearly animalistic moan, my orgasm takes me over. I sigh in contentment, my body shaking as Armie keeps on thrusting inside of me; when I look down, the black satin on the jacket is painted with my semen and the sight nearly brings me back to the edge.

I can feel Armie is about to pull away, but I stop him and shake my head. He nods, thrusts a couple more times and then digs his nails on my flesh, his cock twitching inside of me, his cum filling me up as he shakes from head to toe and curses in between groans. Armie collapses on top of me, his heavy breathing on my ear as I feel not only his cock slip out of me, but also his cum. I moan softly, kiss his cheek and he turns to face me, a little smile on his face.

“Happy anniversary.”

I chuckle, hitting his arm and making him laugh. “Happy anniversary.”

  
  


******

 

There's snow falling outside, covering the streets in white as the cold wind blows and whistles. Inside, the apartment is warm and the smell of chocolate and cinnamon fill the air as the cookies we baked earlier lie on the counter top, waiting for us to devour every single one of them. As usual, there's music playing but for once, instead of clothes and records scattered around on the living room floor, today we have Christmas decorations.

Sitting on the arm of the chair, I take a few sips of my hot tea, watching with a wide smile on my face as Armie stretches and gets on his tiptoes to add new ornaments at the top of the tree. The look on his face as he goes around the big -and fake- tree, almost resembles the one of a child, who waits the entire year to see the tree, the twinkling lights and, of course, the presents.

Little moments like this one, where I see Armie completely immersed on something so mundane, I can fully appreciate the beauty in him. At first he's just a tall, strong and intimidating guy, but as time goes by you realize that's just a very small part of who he really is; mainly because when you do actually get to meet him like I do now, you see he -like everyone- has his own demons, his doubts, a self deprecating side that I would never even imagine and yet one of the most beautiful souls in the world. Looking back at the three months we´ve been together, I realize that every new side of him I know, every little detail about him that comes to the surface, makes me love him even more than I did in beginning.

“Do you plan on helping?”

I snap out of my thoughts and look up at him with an arched eyebrow. He rolls his eyes, gestures to the tree and I shake my head, turning my attention back to my tea, stirring the spoon into the cup before taking a few sips.

“Seriously? Not even one little ornament? Where´s your Christmas spirit, Timothée?”

“I'm Jew, Armie.”

“I know that, doesn't mean you can't help your boyfriend put up his Christmas tree, right? You were the one who asked me about it.”

“I asked about it, but I never said anything about helping with it. Besides, I find it very amusing and kind of cute to see how focused you are in doing a good job there.” Armie has his hands in his hips by now and he shakes his head, making me chuckle. He shoots me a look and then turns back to the tree, picking up yet another ornament to put it on. “Did your family make a big deal out of putting up the tree?”

He shrugs. “A little bit, yes. My father was always way more into it than my mom, so he would get me and Catherine, sit us in front of the fire and we would help him.” He looks over at me and I smile at him. “Mom usually would be taking photos for her family albums or cooking something.”

“Family albums, you say?”

“Yeah and if it's up to me, you won't see them anytime soon.”

“Aww, why not?”

“You already heard my friend talking about me peeing myself, Tim. I'm not gonna leave you alone with my mom long enough for her to reach out to one of those albuns, I need to keep some dignity.”

“No no no, I demand to see some of those family albums.”

“Not happening.”

“We'll see about that.” I place the mug down on the coffee table and walk over to Armie, wrapping an arm around his waist as I take a long look at the tree. “Okay, what do you want me to do?”

He stares at me for a second, turns to grab a star and hands it to me. He simply gestures to the tree and I get on my tiptoes so I can reach where I want. I smile at myself as I look at the ornament and then feel Armie´s lips on my temple; I turn to look at him, a proud look on my face and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“You're cute, but I'm still not letting you anywhere near those albums.”

I groan and roll my eyes as Armie pushes me to the other side of the tree and shoves a box filled with ornaments on my hand. “Are you serious?”

“Help me finish the tree and maybe I will let you see one.”

“Two.”

“This is not negotiable, Timothée, you help and you get to see one. Take it or leave it.”

“Ugh, you're so mean.”

He laughs and I stick my tongue out before reaching for a couple ornaments I can add to the tree. I steal a quick glance at Armie as I do so, smiling as I see him concentrated, taking long looks at the tree to guarantee everything is in order.

  
  


*******

 

“...but I was getting weird vibes from him, so I just called a night and went back home.”

“Mom taught you well.” I tell Pauline as I adjust myself on the bed and pull on the blanket, covering myself properly. “What about your film? How is it going?”

“Is a lot of work, a lot of stress and tears, but at the same time we want to tell this story, so we´re working our asses off to make it happen.”

“You could send me a little video of it, I'm curious to see how it's turning out.”

“When you come here for New Year´s Eve I will show you.” She stops for a moment and furrows her eyebrows. “You still coming for New Year´s Eve, right?”

“That's still the plan, although I haven't discussed with Armie yet to see if he will join me.”

“Join you in what?”

I look up and smile over at Armie, who´s leaned against the railing. He smiles back at me and walks over to the bed, sliding under the blanket and looking over at me, waiting for an answer.

“So, what am I joining you in?”

“Paris!” Pauline´s voice echoes in the room, making me laugh. Armie looks at me confused and I turn on my phone so he and Pauline can actually see one another. “Hello, Mr. Hammer. It's a pleasure to finally speak to you.”

“Pauline.” Armie smiles and nods his head. “It's my pleasure, really. I have heard wonderful stories about you and was wondering when I would have the luck to be face to face with you...although, FaceTime wasn't exactly what I had in mind.”

“And that's why you need to come to Paris with Timmy on New Year´s Eve.”

Pauline winks and Armie nods his head, smiling at her. I bite on my lip, watching as their interaction plays out so smoothly right before my eyes; it almost seems like they have been around one another before. I can't help but be overflow with happiness at this, my boyfriend and my sister getting along, everything I needed to give me more hope for the day Armie finally meets my parents.

“...because I am sure whatever he said about me wasn't true.”

“Well, he did say you once told him he was found on the trash can, but he also said you are an amazing actress and that you're now directing your first film. So, I take that you are an incredibly talented young lady and I can't wait to see your movie.”

Pauline smiles and I can see her cheeks turn a bit bright, which honestly surprises me. If there's one thing I´ve learned in the last twenty two years, is how hard it is to make Pauline Chalamet blush.

_ Is the Armie Hammer effect. _

“Well, thank you. I will make sure you and Timmy get to watch it first...just don't tell my mom, please.”

“Your secret is safe with me.” Armie winks and then turns to look at me. “I will let you two keep on talking, I´ll be downstairs.”

“Armie, you don't have to go. I don't want to kick you out of your own room.”

Armie shakes his head. “It's okay, Pauline. You two finish your conversation and I will be downstairs collecting some material for Monday´s class.”

“What kind of material?”

“You´ll see Monday in class.” I shoot him a look, but Armie simply shrugs. He kisses me quickly and waves over at Pauline before getting up from the bed and heading back downstairs.

“I like him. He has a sense of humor, he doesn't cut you any slack just because you are his boyfriend and he is even hotter up close.”

“Hey!”

“What? He is and you chose him well, bro.”

I look over the phone and can see Armie downstairs, sitting by his desk and going through his computer. I smile, nod my head and then look back at Pauline.

“Yes, yes I did.”

 

*****

 

“What's the best way to propose to your partner?”

I sit on the kitchen counter, swinging my legs back and forth while scrolling through my phone with one hand and taking fistfuls of pistachios with the other.

“Not like this.”

I chuckle and look up at Armie, who´s standing in front of the stove, putting all the pans and bowls he used for lunch back on their rightful places.

“You wish.” I joke and he shrugs his shoulders, a smug look upon his face. “Actually, Jensen is trying to find the best way to propose to his girlfriend of seven years or something, so he decided it was a good idea to throw the questions at the group chat and now we´re discussing it.”

“What group chat?”

“The one I have with the guys.” He raises an eyebrow and it's now my turn to shrug my shoulders. “What? You thought the one you created for announcements was the only one we got? We need a safe place to where we throw some shade at you, babe.”

“Very funny.” He turns back to the cupboards, rearranging some things before he looks at me over his shoulder. “I don't know Jensen that much, let alone his girlfriend, but if they are together for so long and they both are into the idea of getting married, I think whatever he does she will not only love it, but definitely say yes to.”

I smile at him. It's incredible how he always seems to know the right things to say.

“I think you´ve summarized that quite well. I have seen Eliza only a couple of times, but for what I could tell she is a very cool girl, one who doesn't really care about big declarations of love or anything like that.”

Armie nods and walks over, standing in between my legs and holding onto my waist. He takes a few pistachios on his hands and feeds it to me, smirking as I nibble on his fingertip. He leans in, places a soft kiss on my lips and then lets his hands slide down to my thighs, rubbing them softly.

“Tell him to just be himself and not think too much, everything will be okay. But if he does want something simple and yet memorable, I heard proposing on Christmas is always a good call.”

“Oh, that's actually a great idea.”

I turn my attention back to my phone, unlock it and quickly message the guys; Jensen sees it immediately and sends me a thumbs up. I chuckle, but before I can even type anything else back, Armie takes the phone away from me and places it on the counter. I pout and he leans in, kissing me once again, but this time deeper and more passionately. His fingers knot on my hair, pulling on it slightly as I tug on his shirt, keeping his body close to mine.

“I actually got something I need to tell you.” He says nearly breathless as he pulls away from me.

“Should I be scared?”

He chuckles. “Of course not, actually you should be quite excited about it.”

“What is it?”

“Remember your photoshoot with Jack?” I nod and he smirks. “Well, it will be in the Agora Gallery in a couple of weeks.”

“What?!”

“Jack texted me yesterday night, after a few weeks of sending the project back and forth to everyone he could imagine, trying to make something out of it, he finally got a response from the gallery and then want to make an exhibition with the photos.”

“This is so incredible. Jack must be thrilled.”

“He truly is and expects to see the both of us there on opening night.”

“Of course I will be there, when is it?”

“December 14th, which means we can not only celebrate Jack´s exhibition, in which we are both featured on, but also your Juilliard acceptance and it might just be our first time out as a couple that doesn't need to hide from anyone.”

I let out a sigh, feeling as happy as I have ever been. The excitement of not having to pretend anything anymore gets bigger and bigger inside of me and all I can think about is having the chance to hold Armie without fear, tell everyone how lucky I am to have him and enjoy the little things we had to deprive ourselves because no one could see us.

I can't wait to be free with him.

I wrap my arms around his neck, lean my forehead against his and smile wide. “I can't wait for this.”

 


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The proximity of the auditions start to get the best of Timothée

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for over 1000 kudos on this fic, it truly means the world to me. Seriously, you have no idea just how happy I was, I never expected all of this and I hope you keep on enjoying because there´s still some stuff to happen with our boys.

December.

As I stare out of the glass door, watching the city below, I wonder how come time has gone by so fast. It's weird to look back to the last few months and think about all the things that have happened in my life, all the ups and down, the frustration, the happiness and now the anxiety for something I have waited for my entire life.

Juilliard has been my dream since I started ballet, to be among some of the greatest teachers and artists in the country, to be among people who share the same passion as I do in the same intensity. Nothing has ever seemed more suitable for me than Juilliard and now that is actually approaching, I can't seem to think of anything else. I am living and breathing ballet, in a way I have never done before.

I take a look at the clock and let out a sigh, stretching out my arms and legs and getting myself ready for the last week of preparation. I start my workout with some simple warming up exercises, getting the blood flowing and my muscles burning; I then change into splits, doing both the standing up version and the floor one.

Then comes the jumpings jacks and jumping rope, so I can work on my agility and make sure my legs are strong enough for whatever I might have to endure in a couple of days. Only when I actually feel drenched in sweat I stop, take a few sips of water and then gather my running gear.

I strap my phone on my arm, put on my sneakers and fill my water bottle, which fits perfectly on my sweater´s front pocket. I stuff my ballet stuff inside my bag and zip it up, leaving it on top of the counter to make sure Armie will see it once he gets up. It's only when I turn around to grab my keys that I notice Armie is already wide awake, staring at me with serious eyes.

“Please tell me you are not about to start working out in the morning too.” I sigh, but try to keep a smile on my face. The past two weeks, Armie has showed concern regarding my latest behavior, as he likes to call, and no matter how many times I tell him I am alright, he doesn't seem to believe me. “It's not even 6:30am, Timothée, you should be resting, getting as much sleep as you can.”

“I don't have time for that, Armie.”

“You don't have time for sleep?”

I walk over to him, sit down on the edge of the bed and take his hand in mine, my thumb rubbing his skin softly. “There's only a week left, I can't bother to be weak.”

“Weak? Knowing when it's too much it's not weakness, Timothée, actually is quite the opposite.”

“I am not gonna have this conversation with you now, Armie. I have more important things to do then listen to you worry about something there's no need to worry about.”

“Okay, then when do we talk about this? Because lately every time I try to bring this subject, you find a way to dodge it.”

“Because it's a waste of our time to discuss something that does not need to be discussed.” I sigh, shaking my head and get up from the bed. I reach for my keys on the nightstand, stuff them in my pocket and then turn back to Armie, who´s looking down at his hands. “Can you take my bag with you to the studio?”

“Why?”

“So I don't have to stop home before class.”

He eyes me up and down, remains serious for a moment then nods his head. “Fine, I´ll take it with me.”

“Thank you.” I lean down to kiss him on the lips, his body not moving an inch. “There's coffee on the counter and bread on the oven, if you like.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“I´ll see you later then.” Armie nods and I bite on my lip, hating the way he is treating and looking at me, but also aware that I am not doing anything wrong to cause him to be mad. Trying to be better ain´t no crime. “Don't forget to lock the door when you leave.”

Armie nods once more and I sigh, heading to the door. I look over my shoulder, watch as he reaches for his phone and goes through it for a second or two before his eyes meet mine again. We stare at one another, both with things we want to say, but neither with actual courage to do.

“Armie?”

“Yes?”

“I'm okay, I promise you.”

“Just make sure you are not late for class, okay?”

I nod and in complete silence make my way out of the apartment, closing the door behind me. I take a look back, wondering if I should go back and talk to him, but shrug it off and turn on the music on my phone. I have way too much to think about now to spend time arguing with Armie over my workout routine. We'll have to do it later, hopefully once I am already in.

  
  


*******

 

The snow is falling down on the ground, heavy and constant; the wind is intense, hitting you like little sharp glass that cut your skin. My cheeks are flushed and my whole body shivers despite the layers of clothes I have on, which makes running a task a lot harder than it already is. 

My breathing is laboured and my chest seems to burn every single time I take a longer breath, making me cough. I try to clear my head, push back the cold, the snow and the sound of Armie´s voice from my head, focus only on my workout, but it´s nearly impossible to do.

Suddenly my legs feel wobbly and the air seems to have been knocked out of me, making me stumble around and gasp for air. I hold onto my chest, lean against a brick wall and close my eyes, remembering all the classes about breathing and trying to calm myself down.

Cold sweat pours from my forehead, my vision gets slightly blurred and I reach for my water bottle, pouring some on my face before taking a few sips of it. I finally feel my heart slow down and my legs go back to normal, which makes me sigh in relief.

Armie can´t even dream of any of this happening, or else he will try to stop me from working out in the morning ever again.

Now much more relaxed and breathing properly, I finally take a look around myself and see the streets are basically all decorated for Christmas already; fake snowmen in front of the buildings, twinkling lights all over the trees, garlands, red bows and candy canes decorating doors and windows. It seems like I´ve been so caught up, I haven´t even noticed this all coming to life.

I smile to myself, taking in the beauty of it all but quickly reminding myself I still have work to do. I look at my phone, see it´s nearly 7:30am and take long and deep breaths, before jogging through the three blocks left to Armie´s studio. When I make it there, my heart is already pounding on my chest again and I have a little bit of a headache, but I know it´s nothing a good five minutes of rest won´t solve.

I make my way in and turn on the lights of the corridor, slightly confused as I hear voices coming from upstairs. I take a quick look at my phone and arch an eyebrow, wondering who the hell would be here so early in the morning. Suspiciously, and at the same time very much curious, I make my way up the stairs and as closer I get to the top, I get more and more aware of who the voice belongs to.

Ansel.

What the fuck is he doing here so early? 

Could something have happened with him?

"...so I thought that maybe if you talked to..."

Ansel stops talking the moment I knock on the door. They are standing in the middle of the studio, only a few inches separating them and when they both turn to the door, it seems like they are truly surprised -and slightly worried- that I am standing there. I look from Armie to Ansel for a second, the stupid part of me feeling a tingle of jealousy for seeing them so close, while the reasonable part of me knows they are probably discussing class related things.

"Hey, didn´t expect to see you here so early Ansel."

"I wanted to talk to Armie, so figured it would be better to do it before class. I was surprised I didn´t find you here with him, though."

"I was out jogging."

"You hate jogging."

"Sacrifices have to be made, my friend." I wink over at him while walking over to Armie and Ansel simply nods. I take a fistful of Armie´s shirt and pull him close to me, getting on my tiptoes to kiss him, sighing as he barely kisses me back. 

"Your bag is on the locker room. Why don´t you go change and start warming up with Ansel? We only have three days left and there´s a lot to do."

"Are you still mad at me?"

"Quoting you, I don´t have time to do this now. We can talk about us later, if you have time in between your workout sessions, of course."

"You´re being childish, Armie."

"Again, we will talk about this later."

I nod my head and head over to the locker room, taking a quick look over my shoulder and seeing as Armie and Ansel exchange looks. I slam the door shut behind me, look at myself in the mirror and then splash some water on my face, trying to clean the sweat and bits of snowflakes that have dried on my face.

I close my eyes, take a couple of deep breaths and count to ten, trying to empty my head of any problem and then change into my ballet clothes and put on my shoes. By the time I make it out of the locker room, Ansel and Paul are already sitting on the floor, stretching out their legs and arms.

Paul waves at me with a smile and I do the same. Things have been much better between us ever since he admitted to knowing about me and Armie, the weird awkwardness that seemed to always be around us now had disappeared and although I wouldn´t call him a friend, the whole experience sure brought us a bit closer.

I throw my bag on the floor along with Ansel´s and join him and Paul on the floor, stretching out my legs in front of me and rotating my feet. Ansel nudges my ankle and I turn to look at him, arching an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Everything okay between you two?"

"Not really, but I don´t wanna talk about it." He nods and I sigh. "Is everything okay with you? Why did you have to talk to him so early?"

Ansel shrugs. "Just me getting a bit nervous about the audition and trying to talk to him and see if he could help me get rid of this anxiety."

"I know how you feel, I´m a mix of emotions right now, but talking to Armie about it is a big no."

"You can always talk to me, you know that."

"Of course I do."

"Actually, why don´t we have lunch together today? It´s been quite a while."

I nod. "Yeah, that will nice."

  
  


********

  
  
  


The restaurant is calm, most of the tables still empty and low Christmas music playing as background noise. The waiter has already taken on our order, now Ansel and I sit across from one another on the table, both of us scrolling through our phones, although my mind is nowhere even close to this place.

Armie barely looked over at me today during class and when he did, it was this piercing cold look, one he had never directed towards me. Even before we started dating, whenever he had to call out my attention, he did with a stern look but nothing like this, not with a hint of disappointment. Worst thing is that I don´t even know why he is acting the way he is, I am not doing anything wrong, I am not hurting myself or anyone around me.

I just want to achieve what I have always dreamt of, I just want to make him, my parents and myself proud. Is that such a bad thing?

"Hey, are you okay?" I look up at Ansel, arching an eyebrow as he looks at me with a concerned look on his face. "Is everything okay? You seem kind of lost...and sad."

"I´m fine, I´m just a little bit tired, but I will be okay."

"Are you sure? You and Armie seemed a bit distant today."

"Armie is..." I sigh and shrug my shoulders. "Armie is overreacting for things he shouldn't even be worry about, but everything will be fine soon enough."

"If you say so." He shrugs, scrolls through his phone and then places it down on the table; when he looks back at me, there´s this little smirk on his face. "Can you believe in two days classes will be over? It´s still a bit surreal to imagine after two years, I won´t be seeing the guys every single day, or hearing Armie´s loud voice when I mess up. I mean, there was some frustrating moments the past two years, but damn it, it will be weird to let go."

"Imagine how I am feeling." I try to put on a smile and Ansel bites on his lip. "This is where I met and fell in love with Armie, now it will all be gone. And I know it sounds crazy, because classes being over means we finally have freedom, but is still so bittersweet. I think I will have a hard time adjusting to the new life."

"I think you´ll adjust just fine, mainly because you have Armie by your side and he knows better than us how tough the Juilliard life can be. He went through all of this, he knows what we are going through right now and what we will go through if we get in, so I am sure he will be ready to help you with anything you need."

The waiter walks over to us, hands over our drinks first and then places the two plates in front of us. I thank him, reach for the fork and take a few bites of my Caesar Salad, watching as Ansel stares at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"What?"

"Is this all you´re gonna eat?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You went for a run, you had four hours of practice and all you´re gonna eat is a plate of Caesar Salad? Don´t you think you should get something a bit more substantial?"

"We´re one week away from the most important day of our lives, I am not working my ass off just to drown myself in pasta right after. I need discipline, I need to keep focus on my diet."

"You can still have discipline and eat more than just a salad, Tim."

"Oh for fuck´s sake, not you too. I don´t need anyone telling me what to do with my life right now, I know exactly what I need and what I should do."

"Chill, okay? I am just saying that you don´t need to be so hard on yourself. You´re in perfect shape, your talent is outstanding, you´ll get in."

"I´m in perfect shape because I´ve been taking care of myself and I will keep on doing for as long as it´s necessary."

Ansel shakes his head and leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. "Why are you so pressed about this? I´m just trying to have a nice conversation."

"No, you´re trying to tell me what to do, just like everyone else."

"Everyone else or Armie?"

"Fuck off, Ansel." I reach for my bag, grab some bills and throw it on the table before getting up. Ansel looks up at me, confused and slightly annoyed. "If I knew this was why you called me for lunch, I wouldn´t have come."

"I called you for lunch because you are my friend, because until a month ago we used to do this all the time, but now you don´t have time for anything other than training. I called you for lunch because I think of you as a brother and I worry about you."

"Find something else to worry about then, because I do not need anyone worrying about me. Are we clear?"

"You have no idea of what you are doing to yourself, but I will be here when you need to talk....like always."

I stare at him for a moment, grab my bag and swing it over my shoulder, heading off of the restaurant as fast as I can. The moment I step outside, I feel the cold hit me and zip up my jacket before heading down the street. I can only hope that Sarah won´t give me any hard time today at work, because I really can´t handle this anymore.

  
  


******

  
  


"You're late!"

Armie's voice is loud and aggressive as he greets me inside the studio. Leaned against the window, still on his jeans and shirt, he looks me up and down, serious and clearly angry.  He takes a few steps away from the window and I sigh, closing the distance between us.

My hand rests on his waist as I lean in to kiss him, but Armie simply steps back, which causes my hand to slip away from him. I arch an eyebrow and stare at him for a while, trying to understand exactly why he is doing things the way he is.

"I know I am late and I am sorry, I just lost track of time."

"Of course you did, you had another one of your workout sessions after work, didn't you?" It takes me a few seconds but I eventually nod, which makes him let out what I can only describe as a sarcastic chuckle. "Timothée, tell me what's the point of classes every single night if you're gonna be late for them?"

"You're overreacting a little bit here, Armie. Don't you think?"

"No, no I don't. You were the one who asked for classes every night, even though I told you I thought it wasn't a good idea. Now, because of your crazy and stupid new habits, you're either always late or so fucking tired, you can barely go through the exercises. So no, I am not overreacting, Timothée."

"Oh, here we go again. I'm not gonna have this conversation with you right now, Armie. I'm tired of this subject coming over and over again today, I am fucking tired."

"I take that Ansel talked to you."

"How do you..." I stop for a moment and suddenly things start making sense. The glances, the awkwardness and the way Ansel abruptly stopped talking the moment he heard my voice. "He wasn't worried about auditions, was he? This is what he was doing here this morning, talking to you about me behind my back. Is this how is gonna go now? You two are gonna team up against me?"

"Listen to yourself, Timothée. This is your best friend we are talking about, your best friend that is so worried about you he came to me to see if we could do something to help you."

"But that's the point, Armie, I don't need your help, I don't need the help of anyone. Why can't you both understand that? Why is so difficult for you to support me?"

"Excuse me? You don't think I'm supporting you?" I shrug my shoulders, trying to control the tears that are filling my eyes and threatening to fall. "All I have done in the past two years is support you and help you get better."

"Oh, I see. So you're mad that I finally can do things without your help, that's the issue here, right?"

"Oh my God, you think this is about my ego?"

"I don't know, Armie. I don't understand shit about what's going on right now."

"This is not about ego, Timothée, this is about love." I take a deep breath, shaking my head as he steps closer to me. "I love and support you so much that I can't watch you walk down this dangerous path and remain silent. I've seen people do the exact same and I've seen them end up in hospital for starving themselves or exercising until exhaustion."

"Starving? Armie you're with me all the time, you know damn well I am not starving myself."

"No, you are not. But what happens when you get in and you become obsessed with getting the best spot?"

"I'm not like this, Armie."

"No one thinks they are until it starts happening."

"Armie..."

"And the fact you can't even see what's happening, that's very troubling to me, Tim. People are worried, people want to help you and you're pushing us away."

"I don't need help, Armie. You are projecting something that is not gonna happen and you can't even listen to me. I keep saying everything is alright and you won't believe me."

"Because I can see it's not alright." He sighs, shakes his head and turns his back to me. "I don't want you to get hurt, Timothée. I don't wanna see you put your health on the line like this."

"I'm not risking anything here, Armie. I know exactly what I am doing."

"No, you don't."

I let out a sigh of frustration and reach out for my bag, which is lying on the ground. I swing it over my shoulder, take one last look at Armie and walk over to the door.

"I don't think there's a point of staying here any longer." He finally turns back to me, blue eyes glistening with tears just like I'm sure mine are too. "No need to worry, I will be on time tomorrow morning."

"Timothée..."

I shake my head and leave the studio, slamming the door shut behind me. I take down the stairs as fast as I can, sighing as I am welcomed by the cold wind. I take one look up, wipe away my tears and rush down the street, not ready to be all alone in my apartment, but desperate to be as far away from Armie as possible.

  
  



	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée faces the consequences of his actions.

My fingers grip onto the sides of the bathtub, the porcelain cold against my skin while I lie motionless on the bottom, watching as air bubbles float to the surface. I count them one by one, trying to relax my mind and body, push back all the problems I have going through my head right now, but it's nearly impossible.

Air leaves my lungs and I push myself up, sitting up on the tub and gasping for air. I wait until my breathing is normal, push some hair out of my face, lean my head back and close my eyes. I can't help but remember of all the times Armie lied here with me, his chest against my back, his arms wrapped around me and his lips against my skin.

I can't wait until we solve everything and we are back to our normal selves.

I make it out of the bathroom and take a look at the empty and quiet apartment, Armie's book is lying on the nightstand and his flannel plaid shirt is still tangled up on the chair. I reach for it, bring it to my face and inhale deeply, smiling as his smell takes over my nostrils. I put the shirt on, walk over to the kitchen and make myself a warm mug of tea, taking it with me to bed.

I reach for the book, flip through a couple of pages and then put it back on the nightstand. I let out a sigh as I look at the empty bed, torn between knowing I am not doing anything wrong and the sadness of getting into an argument not only with Armie, but also Ansel. How did I get myself into this situation? How did two of the most important people in my life got mad at me at the same time...and for nothing.

I drink my tea, place the empty mug on the nightstand and then slide down the bed, pulling the covers on top of me. Tomorrow is our last class with Armie, so instead of sitting around wondering how life will go, I might as well get some sleep and relax my body, because I am sure whether we are still fighting or not, tomorrow is bound to be an emotional day.

******

"Hi."

The word comes out of my mouth almost as a whisper, but loud enough for Armie to hear on the quiet studio. He stops what he is doing, looks at me over his shoulder and gets up, on his face a serious but somehow welcoming look.

"Hi."

"How you doing?"

"I'm fine. You?"

"Considering everything, I'm okay."

"That's good."

I sigh, taking a few steps closer to him and watching as he eyes me up and down. When I am close enough, I can almost feel the pull there is between us, which is something I think we'll always have, no matter how bad things might be.

"Armie, I think we should talk."

"The only thing we need to talk about, is the one subject you are running away from, Timothée."

"And you think it's okay to jeopardize our relationship because we disagree on how I choose to prepare myself?"

"The problem is not us disagreeing, Timothée. That's something we'll have to deal with many times if we expect this relationship to last as much as we would like to. The real problem here is that you can't see that you're putting yourself in danger, you think we are overreacting when the reality is we are all worried about you."

"Armie, I don't need you to worry about me."

"I'm your boyfriend, Timothée, I love you more than anything and anyone. How do you expect me not to worry about you when I see first hand what you are doing to yourself?" I take a deep breath, trying my best not to let my tears fall. If anyone gets here and sees me crying, I doubt I will have the strength to build up a lie. "I told you, I've seen this happen before with friends of mine. I've seen..."

"Say it, if you have something to say, then say it."

"I've seen Connor go through the same thing." I take a step back and shake my head. "When we met he was struggling to fit in and he decided to take matters on his own hands, to build up a whole damn schedule to help him lose weight and get muscles. He end up in hospital, he was lucky enough his friend found him before anything worse happened."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because I didn't think I would have to go through any of this ever again...especially not with you." I sniff, trying to keep myself together, but the reality is my whole body is shaking now. "You're smarter than this, Tim. You know you don't need any of this, because you are spectacular and anyone would be damn lucky to have you in their company."

I stare at him in silence, my head spinning with all the new information he just threw at me. I try to find something to say, but suddenly find it hard to breath, my chest hurts, my legs get weak and sweat pours down my forehead. I can see Armie arch an eyebrow as he steps closer to me, his large hands on my shoulders.

"Timothée, are you okay?"

I nod my head, but he doesn't buy it, he keeps looking at me with a concerned look on his face. He rests his hands on my forehead, furrows his eyebrows as he realizes the sweat and after slowly telling me to take deep breaths, he runs over to his bag and grabs his bottle of water.

He hands it over to me and I take a few sips, my body slowly coming back to normal. Or as normal as possible. I'm still a bit shaky, my legs don't feel that strong, but I at least can breath properly.

"Timothée, tell me what's going on."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

I close my eyes, count to ten and then look back at Armie as serious as I can. "I'm perfectly fine. I don't need you to worry about me."

"You have got to be kidding me. You nearly passed out and you want me to..."

Voices startle us and Armie immediately pulls away from me. I stare up at him, then turn to look at the door, trying to put on a smile as Paul, Jensen and Ansel arrive. Paul and Jensen wave at me, instantly talking about this little party they are having tonight to celebrate the end of classes, while Ansel stares at me with a concerned look upon his face. I watch from the corner of my eyes as his gaze turns to Armie, but choose not to pay much attention to it.

It's Wednesday, it's almost over. I can make it through this, I know I can.

******

"Okay class, we're gonna start the last segment. Three Pirouettes, two high jumps to the left with legs extended, Arabesque and end with a Plié and arms in third position. Everything clear?"

Armie's voice is distant, the buzzing in my ear taking away most of my concentration. I blink a couple of times, watch as everyone nods and gets into position and try my best to follow. I look at the clock, only half an hour left of class, I know I can make it through without problems, I just need to focus.

I inhale deeply, rub my eyes and get into position, waiting as patiently as I can for the music to come back. I follow the guys, left leg extended to the side, arms straightened out in second position and start the first Pirouette. My breathing gets more laboured with each turn and I can feel a light pain on my chest by the time I end the last turn and get ready for the high jumps.

I try to take as much air as possible, close my eyes for a brief second and then propel myself to the air. That's when things start getting weird, I can feel the air leaving me, my vision getting blurred and suddenly it seems like tiny bits of information escape me. I feel my foot hit the floor, then I'm back up mid air and then, almost in the blink of an eye I'm already falling to the ground and hear someone scream my name. I gasp for air, try to keep my eyes open and feel a hand on my chest; Ansel shows up at my peripheral vision and then quickly disappears.

Armie is the last thing I see before I black out completely.

*******

  
  


My body hurts, my mouth is dry and my head pounds as if my skull is being hammered from the inside out. I try to open my eyes, but the bright lights hurt me and I close them immediately. I can hear voices on the distance, low and concerned; one of them I can't recognized, but the other one belongs to Armie. I'm confused, slightly dizzy, but well enough to know I am in a hospital bed.

"....should I be worried?"

"He'll be fine. He needs rest, of course, but we've given him some vitamins and the saline will help him feel better."

I blink a couple of times, trying to focus on them, but my head hurts too much. I close my eyes again, take deep breaths and try to focus on their voices as best as I can.

"....when he will be out?"

"If he remains stable and I am sure he will, he'll be discharged tonight...tomorrow morning tops."

I groan as I try to move and hear footsteps approaching me. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder and another one in my arm, where apparently an I.V. is hooked.

I find the strength to open my eyes and through slightly blurred vision, I see Armie standing by my left. He smiles down at me and it's kind of beautiful, but right now he can't really hide his disappointment. I tried so hard to achieve something and make him proud, but end up hurting him more than I could have expected.

"Hey, how are you doing?"

I try to speak, but can only cough; my mouth is way too dry and it takes me a while to actually manage to let out a few words. "I'm okay... I guess."

"You gave your friends quite a scare, Mr. Chalamet." I nod my head slowly, my eyes wandering from Armie to the doctor. "We ran some tests and gave you some vitamins, you'll be on I.V. for a couple of hours, but if everything goes according to plan, you might even be able to sleep at your own bed tonight."

"Thank you."

The man shrugs and looks back at Armie, who still has his hands on my shoulder. "I'll leave you two alone, but he should rest a bit more."

"I promise I won't take much time." The man nods and Armie reaches out, shaking his hand while sporting that conventional charming smile of his. "Thank you for everything, Doctor Williams."

"Just doing my job. Call me if you need anything."

"Will do, thank you." Armie watches silently until the doctor is out of the door, he then turns to me and sits on the edge of the bed, the sweet and charming smile now giving room to a sad and disappointing look. "How are you feeling? And please don't say what you think I want to hear, I wanna know exactly what you are feeling."

"I'm okay, Armie. Considering everything, I guess I was quite lucky."

"Yes, you were." Armie sighs and pushes some of my hair back, his finger tracing my skin. "You were right in the middle of a high jump when you fell, luckily Ansel was close by and managed to reach you before you could hit your head on the floor. You almost twisted your ankle and you might feel some pain on your lower back, but nothing to serious."

"I'm sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen. All I wanted was to do something that would leave you, my parents and myself proud."

"Timothée, I'm already proud of you. You are the nicest, most beautiful person I have ever met. You care about others, you try to help your friends as much as you can and you're a great, phenomenal dancer. You didn't need any of this."

I can feel my tears falling and shrug my shoulders. I hate to see the look on Armie's face, I hate to know I was the one to cause him such fear and sadness.

"I thought I was doing what was best for me, I thought that I was being strong and hard-working. I didn't think about how that would impact people around me, I didn't realize that while trying to be great, I was causing pain on the people I love."

Armie looks down, a heavy sigh escaping him and I can't help but think he is a second away from leaving me here all alone. Instead, his hand finds mine and he laces our fingers together. I look down at our hands for a brief moment, then let my eyes meet his.

"I know everything about pressure, Timothée. I've been in the same situation as you are, I was the same age as you are and I know how tough this can get. I know enough to know that this won't be an easy thing to overcome, you'll have to work really hard to recover yourself mentally. Mainly because if you do get in, the pressure will seem even worse than it is right now."

"I know that."

"So promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Talk to me." I arch an eyebrow and he nods. "When you feel the pressure coming to you, talk to me, talk to Ansel, Olivia, Sarah or Pauline. I don't care who you're gonna talk to, just don't shut us down, don't push us away. None of us wants to lose you."

_ None of us wants to lose you. _

**_None of us wants to lose you._ **

"Can you promise me that?"

"I promise I will do my best not to fall on this trap again. I will not try to shut you down, or overcome problems on my own when I know I have people who love me and want to support me around me." He nods and I squeeze his hand, trying to smile through the tears. "I'm sorry, but that's all I can do right now, promise to try my best."

"That's a start, Tim."

I nod and he smiles at me, this time a much more bright and happy one. I try to move on the bed, sit down a bit but end up having a cough fit that nearly leaves me breathless. Armie calms me down, fixes my pillow and helps me lie down again, his hand pushing back some of my hair before he kisses my forehead.

"How did you manage to get in here? You are not family and I know how annoying hospitals can be."

"Had to talk to a nurse, the doctor and the hospital's director. Explained that your parents are not in town until Sunday night, your sister lives in another country and your friends and me, your professor, are the closest people you have around you right now."

"My professor...."

He smirks. "Technically, not anymore."

"I fucked up so bad I even ruined the last day of class."

"The guys are planning to cancel the party they had scheduled tonight." I groan, shaking my head as Armie shrugs. "Told them not to do it, that you would be fine and it was okay for them to celebrate. But judging by the fact they are still here, I doubt there will be any party."

"Wait, they are here?"

"Everyone's here. All the boys came here straight from the studio, then Olivia and Sarah joined us. They were really worried about you."

"I ruined everyone's day."

"They were not forced to come here, Tim, they did it because they care."

"Still, I think...."

There's a knock on the door and both Armie and I turn to look at it. I smile as I see Ansel standing there, a worried look on his face that I haven't seen ever since we were in high school and Pauline broke her leg while we tried to skate. Armie gestures for him to get in and he shyly steps in, closes the door behind him and walks over to the bed.

Armie gets up, leans down and places a kiss on my lips. It's the first time he kisses me in almost three days and it's almost as if it works as a remedy for me. Having him with me is all I need to get better.

"I love you."

I smile, nodding my head. "I love you, too."

"I'll let you guys talk, but try not to take too long, the doctor wants him to rest a bit more."

"I won't take long, don't worry." Armie pats his back and winks over at me before leaving me and Ansel alone. He takes a few steps closer to the bed, looks down at me and sighs. "You scared the hell out of me, Tim."

******

Walking in to Armie's apartment has never felt so good as it does now. I have always loved this place, the decoration, the view, the atmosphere; since day one I have always felt at home here and after everything that happened the last three days, the feeling of home is everything I truly need.

Armie keeps his arm around my waist, tightly holding onto me as he helps me walk to the couch. It took us quite a while to solve everything at the hospital, make sure they would allow him to leave with me, and only after a call to Pauline we actually managed to get the hell out of that place. The boys had left a few hours earlier, but only after all of them walked in the room to see me. Paul even had a little present.

"How are you feeling?"

"Just a bit tired, but I think a good night of sleep will do me good."

Armie nods, lies me down on the couch and pulls a blanket on top of me as he kneels on the floor. "There's some medicaments I need to buy for you, but I am gonna cook you something first, then you'll have a much needed bath and once I put you in bed I'll go buy it."

I smile, cradling his face in my hand. "You don't have to take care of everything by yourself, Armie. I can run a bath by myself."

"You need rest, Timothée."

"I know, but a bath wont..."

"Dehydration and exhaustion." I sigh and nod, leaning my head back on the cushions. "The more you relax, the sooner you'll get better."

I nod once again and smile as Armie leans in to kiss me. He fixes the blanket on top of me and then heads to the kitchen, opening the fridge and the cupboards in search of something to cook. He takes a few things out, places on the counter and starts chopping and mixing, a serious and concentrated look upon his face.

"I talked to the doctor and he said you'll be totally fine for Monday, as long as you take your vitamins, eat well and drink lots of liquids." I give him a soft hum, cuddling onto one of the cushions and closing my eyes. "And since he said rest is the most important thing right now, I actually thought it would be nice if we left New York for a day or two."

I quickly open my eyes, staring at Armie with an arched eyebrow. "Where exactly would we go?"

"The Hamptons"

I slowly sit down on the couch, bringing my legs up and adjusting the blanket around me. "The Hamptons? With your mother?"

"And grandma."

I bite on my lip, look down at my hands and sigh. "Do you think I'm in a good place to meet your mom? Mentally, I mean."

"We don't have to go if you don't want to, we could choose somewhere else, find a nice hotel where you can relax and enjoy the fresh air."

"You didn't answer my question."

Armie stops chopping, leans against the counter and looks at me, dead serious. "What happened to you doesn't make you any less of a great human being, someone my mom already loves without even meeting, someone she is worried about just as much as I am."

"You told her?"

"She called while I was at the hospital." I nod and look back down at my hands. I can hear Armie's footsteps and then feel his hand on my legs, his face inches away from mine. "What happened today doesn't define you, Timothée. We all go through dark moments, we all have our fears and insecurities. My mom wont shame you for any of this, but like I said, we can go anywhere else."

I look at him, lean our foreheads together and nod my head. "We can go."

Armie smiles and nods his head. "We leave as soon as you wake up then. That sounds good to you?"

"It sounds great."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the grandmother. What to expect of this encounter? ;)


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armie and Timothée make a trip to the Hamptons.

I turn to my right, grip tight on to the blanket and sink my head into the pillow; I let out a sigh and slowly open my eyes, welcoming the natural daylight. I look at the empty bed and for a split moment I think everything was a trick my mind was playing on me, I never made it to the hospital, Armie and I are still distant and Ansel is disappointed in me. Luckily, the smell of Armie and the touch of his sheets brings me back to reality; I run my hands down the black pillowcase, smile to myself and then hug his pillow, burying my nose on it.

"Is this some new fetish of yours?"

I chuckle and look up at Armie, who's leaned against the railing, staring at me with a little grin on his face. I shrug my shoulders and sit down on the bed, smiling as he walks over, sits down and places the tray with breakfast in between us.

"Breakfast in bed, being sick has it's perks." He shoots me a look and I sigh, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, bad joke."

"Really bad." He looks at me up and down, reaches out and fixes the blanket over me. The amount of care he has for me is something I might never be able to reciprocate. "How you feeling?"

"I suppose I'm okay." Armie arches and eyebrow and I shrug. "I really don't know what to say, Armie. I don't feel anything in particular, but I know I'm not on my best and that I'm definitely weaker than I normally am."

"You're not weak, Tim." He leans in, kisses my forehead and then gestures to the tray. "So, I prepared you some orange juice, toast and cereal. I know you might not be able to eat everything, because your body is still recovering and rearranging, but try to eat as much as you can. Okay?"

I nod my head and take the tray, placing it on my lap. I drink some of the juice and take a few small bites of the toast, feeling Armie's eyes on me constantly.

"Are you seriously gonna stare at me throughout the whole thing?"

Armie chuckles and pushes some of my hair back. "I'm sorry if it's a bit uncomfortable, but I'm...."

"You're worried about me, I know, but you don't have to keep an eye on me twenty four hours a day, Armie. I promised you to get better and I will do everything I can to accomplish that."

"I know you will. I believe in you." I smile at him and he leans down, kissing me softly on the lips. "Now, get back to your breakfast because we leave as soon as you're done. It's only a two hour drive to the Hamptons, but my mom wants us there for lunch."

"I need to stop by my place to get some clean clothes and...." I furrow my eyebrows, watch as Armie plays with his finger and chuckle. "You already got me some clothes, didn't you?"

"I woke up early, decided it would be nice to buy some grocery to take to my mom and thought since I was already out I could stop by your place and get your clothes."

I grab onto his shirt, pull him to me and kiss him a couple of times, making him laugh. "You'll let me do anything on this trip, or am I gonna sit down and do nothing for the rest of the week?"

"I'm still thinking about it." I laugh, shaking my head as he smiles. "Seriously though, this trip isn't about going to places or anything, is about you getting some rest away from the chaos of the city."

"I know that, which makes it all a bit more nerve wracking."

"How so?"

"More time at home, with your mother and your grandmother."

Armie sighs, rubbing my shoulders. "Timothée, my mom already loves you and my grandma is the sweetest lady you'll ever meet in your life. There's no need to be nervous about this."

"I can't help it, not after...."

"The only thing my mom and Catherine have in common is the hair color." I laugh, shaking my head as he nods. "It's true, they could not be more different and like I said, my mom already loves you."

"That's because all she knows about me is what you've tell her, the real thing can be quite different."

Armie rolls his eyes, cradles my face and leans his forehead against mine. "You're an amazing human being and anyone who spends more than half a second with you can't help but love you. So please, chill and finish your breakfast, we gotta hit the road."

"Fine, but if she doesn't like me, I'll blame you for giving her high hopes."

"Fine, I will gladly take the blame for that."

********

My legs are stretched out as I lean my head on the seat and keep my eyes closed, feeling the cool breeze come in through the car window. I can hear Armie tapping his fingers on the steering wheel while he hums some song I can't quite make it out, but that makes me smile anyway; I have a feeling I will need loads of moments like this one to keep my head occupied and give me strength to get past this phase of my life. Luckily, I know Armie will always be ready to help me.

I feel his hand on my leg and open my eyes, turning to look at him. He gives a quick look at me before turning his attention back to the road and I let my hand rest on the back of his neck, playing with his hair.

"I'm alright, Armie, no need to worry."

"I wasn't worried."

I smirk. "Yes, you were."

"Well, you were just so quiet and I know when that happens is because there's something wrong."

"Nothing is wrong this time, I'm just not one hundred percent yet, so I might be a bit quieter than usual today."

He nods. "There's water and granola bars in my bag if you want to, okay? You shouldn't spend too much time without eating."

I turn around, reach for his bag and take a granola bar out of it, taking a couple nibbles of it as I look through my phone. I am not hungry and I have never really enjoyed this things, but I know that Armie is right and that if I don't eat anything until we get to the Hamptons he will get even more worried than he already is.

I pull my legs up and scroll through my messages, laughing at some of the photos Ansel and the guys have sent me. I sent them a quick message, letting them all know I am feeling much better and lock the phone once again.

"So, do you know if Ansel and the guys actually managed to do something yesterday night?"

"They stopped by to see me yesterday and after much begging, I finally convinced them to at least go to a bar and have some drinks for me. They sent me a couple of photos, they seem to have had fun."

"I'm glad they did, after the last couple of months you all deserve some days off. It's essential that you relax your mind and body before the big day."

"Big day." My voice is low, almost a whisper and Armie instantly looks at me. I shake my head, trying to push back the subject, but he leans his hand on my knee and gives a little squeeze. "It's just...until yesterday morning I was feeling on the top of the world, I felt like I was strong and that no one would take my place. But then things go south and I wake up in a hospital bed, feeling weak, ashamed and questioning my own abilities. Until yesterday I thought of Monday and I was confident, maybe a little cocky even and now, now I don't even know if I will have physical and mental strength to go through it all."

Armie remains quiet for a second or two and I can tell he is weighing on what to say to me. "I could sit here and tell you there's no need to be worried and that you will be perfect on Monday, but I am not gonna do that." He looks at me quickly and I nod, encouraging him to go on. "What you did affected your body and you will have to deal with the consequences now, maybe you'll still make the best performance of your life and swoon those old men off of their feet, but maybe you will feel the pressure and not be as good as you hoped. Either way, I need you to understand that you are doing your best and even if you don't get in, doesn't mean you won't have other opportunities in the near future. Your talent is undeniable, Tim, that no one can take away from you, not even yourself."

"Thank you for always knowing what to say."

"You don't have to thank me at all"

"Yes, I do. I was an ass to you, I didn’t listen to you and you were still there for me when I needed."

"I love you, Timothée, I would never turn my back on you, especially when I could see you were going through a tough time." I nod and he rubs my leg for a moment, but stops when I place my hand on top of his. "You can always count on me, for whatever you need. We're gonna have our moments, we are gonna fight, that's inevitable, but we love each other and we'll always find a way to fix things."

"You know, when you get tired of being a ballet teacher you can easily write some motivational books." He laughs and then looks at me with one of the fondest smiles I have ever seen. "What?"

"It's good to see a smile on your face."

"You can always put a smile on my face."

******

I yawn and adjust myself on the seat, trying to get a bit more comfortable as I watch with a bit of astonishment as mansion after mansion passes us by. The lifestyle of the Hamptons is something completely different from the one I grew up in, although my family could never be considered poor or anything, we lived a pretty basic lifestyle and never -at least not since I was born- stepped in the Hamptons.

I watch as the roads starts to get narrow, the trees surrounding us and only a few houses left. On my right, there's a large brown mansion that could easily be mistaken for a castle and as Armie slows down the car, I can't help but let my eyes widen with the idea that this is the place I will be spending the rest of my week.

"You have got to be kidding me." I mumble under my breath, trying to look cool but realizing that until today I wasn't exactly aware of just  _ how  _ rich Armie's family actually was.

"What?"

I turn to my side and see Armie is looking at me with furrowed eyebrows. "Nothing, just...." He drives past the house and then swiftly turns to the right, driving down the path of a much smaller house, where two ladies sit on the porch. One quick look at them and I shake my head, laughing at myself for taking conclusions a bit too early. "This is your house?"

"What? You thought my mom and grandma lived on the huge ass house that looks straight out of a Hollywood film?"

I shrug. "Kind of."

"We got money, but not that kind of money."

"To be fair, this house is still bigger than anything my family ever owned."

Armie parks the car, takes off his seatbelt and turns to look at me, a kind of serious look on his face. He takes my hands on his, his thumb rubbing on my wrists as I smile and look at the way they seem to perfectly fit together.

"You need to chill out, okay? The size of the house, the amount of money the family has, none of this matters, none of this influences our relationship. The next three days are about relaxing and having fun, so don't over think and just be yourself."

"Okay, just be myself."

"Now let's go, I'm sure my mom is doing everything she can not to run here and force us out of the car."

I chuckle, nod my head a smile as Armie leans in to kiss me. I cradle his face, deepen the kiss for a minute or two and then pull away from him, taking one deep breath as I step out of the car. Armie stands his hand out for me and smiles; when our fingers entwine, he leans in to kiss my temple and whispers  _ I love you  _ on my ear.

The walk to the front porch is almost in slow motion and each step I take makes my heart beat faster. I watch as his mom and grandma get up, fix their clothes and smile at us; Armie's mom is the first to take a step closer, her arms wrapping around Armie as soon as she can. She's shorter than him, her head rests perfectly on his chest and as he leans down to kiss her hair, I nearly combust with the cuteness of it all.

She then pulls away and turns to look at me, a smile on her lips as she embraces me. "You have no idea how happy I am to finally be able to meet you, Timothée."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mrs. Hammer."

"Oh please, call me Victoria. Mrs Hammer is so serious, I never liked that."

"Victoria it is then."

She winks and then gestures over to the cute little lady standing beside her. "This is my mom, Eliza."

"So you are my grandson's boyfriend?" I nod my head slowly and she pulls me closer to her, a very serious and quite terrifying look on her face. "You break his heart and I break your arm, boy."

"Grandma!"

She looks at Armie, that serious look still plastered on her face. "I was just kidding." She then turns back to me. "Maybe."

I bite on my lip, trying to suppress a laugh and watch as Victoria shakes her head. "Don't listen to her, Timothée, she is just kidding."

"Don't worry, I have no intentions on ever breaking his heart." I look over at Armie, a smile on my face as he looks down at me, a light blush on his face. He shakes his head, leans down to kiss my forehead and then pulls me close as we turn back to his mom.

"Why don't you guys go upstairs and get settled, we're gonna have lunch in a while."

"Will do."

Armie gestures to the door and I nod, following him inside as I fix the strap of my bag. The inside of the house is cozy, neutral colors and lots of wood, photos of the family are spread around and even if for a short second, I can spot a photo of young Armie in his ballet attire and a huge ass smile on his face.

Armie leads me up the stairs, my eyes wandering around every single detail as we go down the hallway. He stands in front of the door to the last bedroom, looks at me for a brief second and then opens the door. I smile wide, watching as the room still features some of the stuff he liked as a child.

"Oh, I'm loving this."

"What? Is not like it is exactly like it was when I was a child."

"I know, but it's still nice to see some remains of that time." I wink at him and laugh as he rolls his eyes. I pull him close to me, wrap my arms around his neck and get on my tiptoes, placing a sweet kiss on his lips as he holds tight onto my waist.

 

******

 

Armie's voice fills the room as we sit down on the dining table; his grandma listens to him quietly and Victoria nods along to every single word he says while also smiling proudly, it's easy to see that the beautiful and deep bond Armie mentioned still exists. Even the way they talk and walk is similar.

Once he is done telling yet another story, Victoria grabs hers and her mother's plate and gets up; Armie follows suit, taking my plate and placing it on top of his. I quickly get up too, reaching for the glasses and follow them to the large and bright kitchen, a little smile on my face as I help Victoria on the sink.

"Food was delicious, Victoria."

"Really? Because you barely ate anything."

"Mom!"

I look back at Armie shaking my head and then turn back to Victoria, who's got flushed cheeks and an apologetic look upon her face. "Armie, it's okay."

"No, it's not okay, Timothée. Armie told me what happened and I know I should have chosen my words better...or said nothing at all."

"Seriously, it's okay. Everything is so recent, I haven't gotten used to, I can't expect people around me to be."

"I'm really sorry, I will try my best not to be so mom like the next couple of days, try no to force you to eat when I know you're on a delicate place right now."

I smile, take a step closer to Victoria and reach for her hand. "It will be a pleasure to have you going all mom like on me, so please stop apologizing." She chuckles, nods her head and gives me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Armie and I will wash the dishes."

"Hell no. I mean, I love you for even suggesting that, but you are here to relax, so get your boyfriend and make sure he shows you all around the neighborhood."

I look over at Armie, who nods his head and stands his hand out for me. I look back at Victoria, who pushes me away and laugh, taking Armie's hand in mine.

"I don't want to see either of your faces for at least an hour."

Armie shakes his head and wraps his arm around me as he leads me out of the kitchen and over to the living room. "Still think coming here was a good idea?"

"Even better than I expected, actually." I lean in, kiss him softly and grab my phone, placing on my pocket as I follow Armie out of the house.

******

We're sitting on a small bench on the park, trees surrounding us and the sun still high in the sky, making the cold weather a bit more bearable. I have my head leaned on Armie's shoulder, my eyes closed and a leg over Armie's. His hand is resting on my leg, rubbing it softly and squeezing it from time to time; by now he has asked me over four times if I am okay, if I am feeling something and it's both cute and annoying.

I feel my phone vibrate on my pocket and reach out for it, seeing countless messages on the group chat, both from the ballet and the one with Olivia and Sarah. I smile, the feeling of being loved and having people care about me is nearly overwhelming.

"They are worried about you, huh?"

"I totally get Olivia and Sarah asking, but I have to say having Matt, Jensen and Paul so worried about me is still a bit surreal."

"You've known each other for two years, Tim, you've seen them every day. It's understandable that not all of you are best friends, but it's hard to be completely indifferent."

"How do you think they react when they find out about us?"

"I don't know, but why don't you figure out." I look up at him, eyebrow arched as he chuckles. "Classes are over, we have nothing to hide anymore."

"I know that, but it has only been twenty four hours, it seems a bit rushed."

Armie rolls his eyes, reaches for my phone and goes to Instagram. I try to take the phone away, but he holds down my hand, scrolls through my gallery and clicks on a picture of when we were in California. The picture features him with furrowed eyebrows and a pout as I kiss his cheek, a silly and yet cute moment I was able to capture.

"Armie, what are you doing?"

"What we've been dying to do since day one."

He clicks a few buttons, skips the caption part and posts the picture to my feed, which instantly makes my eyes go wide. I sometimes don't really know what goes through his head at all.

"You are crazy."

He hands me the phone, kisses my lips and smiles. "Sometimes we gotta be crazy and reckless, babe. It makes things much more interesting."

I laugh, shoving him away from me as my phone starts going crazy. I take a deep breath, unlock it and see notification after notification fill my Instagram. When I get a new message from the chat group, it's Ansel with an wide eye emoji, followed by Matt with an all caps  _ I KNEW IT  _ and some laughing emojis. I show it to Armie, who shrugs and then wraps his arm around my shoulder, bringing me close to him once again.

******

Armie is hovering on top of me, his fingers tracing down my leg as we stare at each other. I laugh, squint my eyes, try move away from him and he just holds me back down, his nose rubbing against my neck and cheeks.

He leans his forehead against mine, smiles and then slowly guides his lips toward mine. At first the kiss is soft and slow, then it builds up, our tongues dancing together, our hands roaming and grabbing into each other's bodies, our crotches pressed together, making the both of us moan

Armie slides his hand down my leg, holds tight onto my hip and leaves kisses down my jaw to my neck, where he stops and sucks on the tender flesh. I arch my back, wrap my legs around his body and press him even closer to me, desperate to feel his heat and his skin against mine after so many days of distance.

"Armie, do you.....oh my God."

Armie rolls over to the bed immediately and I turn to my side, trying to hide my erection as I bury my face in the crook of his neck and burst out laughing.

"Jesus... I am so sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Mom, can you please...."

"Right, I'll just... I just wanted to...I....good night."

I wait until I hear the door close and then lie on my back, still trying to stop laughing. Armie groans, shakes his head and I hold onto his arms; I watch him sit down on the bed, tug on his cock and bite on my lip, tears already falling down my face from all the laughter.

"You're blushing."

"My mom just caught us making out, Timothée, of course I am blushing."

I turn to my side, cradle his face and bring him down, placing a quick and soft kiss on his lips.

"I suggest you lock the door before this happens with your grandma."

Armie stares down at me for a second and then jumps up, running over to the door so he can lock it. He leans against it, lets out a sigh and I giggle, sitting down on the bed and gesturing him over.

"I can't believe this kind of stuff actually happens in real life."

"I can't believe I am a thirty two year old man, who just got caught by his mom."

I wrap my arm around him and lay his head on my lap, my fingers stroking his hair. Armie stares up at me, smiles and I arch an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Suddenly letting you see those family albums isn't the scariest thing that could happen in this trip."

"Does that mean I am free to see as many as I can?"

"Maaaaybe."

I chuckle, push some of his hair back and lean down to kiss him. "I'm having so much fun here, more than I could have expected. Thank you for proposing this trip, I know you did it because of everything that happened, but..."

"I thought about getting away before the audition for weeks now, actually, but the way things were going, I knew you would've said no."

"Well, I am sorry for how things turned out, but happy that we got to come here."

Armie winks, raises his hand and cradles my face, his thumb stroking my cheek. "Have you talked to your parents about what happened?"

"I had to. We had to call Pauline and I knew she wouldn't keep her mouth shut, so while you were working on dinner I texted them."

"You texted them?"

"I know it wasn't the best solution, but it solved the problem." Armie shakes his head and I bite on my lip. "Since we are talking about my parents, they want to have dinner with us on Monday night. They want to celebrate my audition and meet you."

"Do they know who I am?"

"They do for a few weeks now." Armie nods and one quick look at him tells me everything he wants to ask. "They were a bit shocked at first, but after I explained everything things didn't really matter to them. They know I am happy, that's all that matters."

"Can you believe we're actually at this point? People know about us, we don't have to hide ourselves anymore."

"Quite liberating, isn't it?"

"Very."

"I can't wait to see what the future holds for us."

"Neither can I."

He pulls me down and then rolls us over on the bed, hovering on top of me and kissing my lips. I pull away from him, point over to the door and grin. "Are you sure is locked?"

"Oh, just shut up, will you?" 

 


	45. Chapter 45

I open the door, poke my head out and look down the long hallway; I can hear the water running on the bathroom and the sound of Victoria and Eliza's voice coming from downstairs. I toss my flip flops to the side, slowly open the door wider and step out of the room; I take my time down the hall, trying not to make any sound until I reach the bathroom door. As I had expected, the door is open and I manage to get in and lock the door behind me before he can even realize I am here.

When Armie turns around to reach for the soap, he arches an eyebrow, watching me through the fogged glass. I smile at him, take off my shirt and throw it to the ground; as I take a few steps closer, Armie stands still, eyeing me up and down. I take my pants off just as I reach the slide door, which I open and lean against it, my eyes roaming through Armie's wet and glistening body.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Joining you?"

"My mom and my grandma are awake already, Tim."

"I know, that's why I made sure to lock the door."

He chuckles, shaking his head as I take a step closer to him, licking my lips. "Still a bit risky, don't you think?"

"Armie, Armie, Armie." I stand right in front of him, the water cascading down on both of us. "It's been quite a few days since we did anything..."

"And who's fault was that?"

"Mine. Which proves you just how fucked up I was, but I won't be making that mistake ever again." I stare at his eyes, my hand sliding down his chest and stomach until I reach his cock and wrap my hand around it.

Armie gasps, licks his lips and stares down at me with lust filled eyes. I smile sweetly at him and start to slowly stroke him while also kneeling down on the floor. The water clouds my vision, but I look up at him and let the tip of his cock brush against my wet lips.

"You want me to stop?"

"You'll kill me if you stop."

I let my tongue run across his length and feel him shiver under my touch, which honestly makes me feel so proud of myself to have this effect on him. I take him in my mouth, close my eyes and start moving slowly, going back and forth; I rub and scratch his thighs, feel his cock hit the back of my throat and his low and raspy moan. When I look up, his head is thrown back, his teeth biting hard onto his lip and his hands are into fists.

He is doing everything he can not to moan loud.

I move faster, applying more suction and hearing the low grunts of Armie, which turn me on more than anything. His body starts to tremble, his cock throbs inside my mouth and I can tell he is close; I pull out, stroke him as fast as I can and place soft kisses on his inner thigh and hip, smirking when he whispers my name over and over again.

I take just the tip back in and keep on pumping his cock until he explodes inside my mouth. I moan, feeling the thick liquid run down my throat and smile up at Armie, who's looking at me with a flushed face. He takes a hold of my arm and helps me up, licking his lips and holding onto my chin as he pulls me closer.

Our wet bodies rub together and Armie leans down to kiss me, his hands running down my body and holding onto my thighs as he lifts me up, which makes me squeal as I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss. When he turns around and leans me against the wall, his lips tracing my neck, I throw my head back and moan, digging my nails into his skin.

 

*******

 

I gasp, staring at Armie with wide eyes and a slight blush on my cheeks as he grins at me. I shove him to the side, but he takes a hold of my hand and pulls me close, wrapping an arm around my waist and kissing my hair as he does so. I chuckle, wrapping my arms around his torso and leaning my head on his shoulder as we walk down the stairs and hear his mom and grandma talking on the kitchen.

When he reach the bottom of the stairs, Armie takes my hand in his and leads me down the hallway. A wide smile appears in his face as his mom and grandma look over at us from the dining table, which has at least three different types of bread, eggs, bacon, cakes, sugar cookies, jam, juice and coffee. Suddenly I understand where Armie's need to always have a table filled with food comes from.

"Good morning. I was starting to think the love birds would spend their entire morning on the bedroom."

"Not a bad idea, mom." I hit his chest and he looks down at me, shrugging his shoulders as I roll my eyes. He chuckles, leans in and kisses my cheek before whispering on my ear. "You can blow me on the bathroom knowing they are already awake, but can´t handle a joke about us laying in bed? C'mon."

I shove him aside, making him laugh and take a seat at the table, leaving the spot closest to Eliza for Armie. He sits down next to me and swiftly loses himself in all the different types of food, while I stare at it and bite down hard on my lip, trying to ignore the annoying voice in the back of my head that says I shouldn't even consider eating any of this.

Too much carbs, too much sugar and not enough time to get this all out of my system.

I swallow hard, feel myself about to break down and then feel Armie's hand land on my thigh. I take a deep breath and look to my side, watching as he gives me a reassuring smile while slowly rubbing my leg. I stare at his eyes for a moment and then give him a quick nod before returning my attention to all the food, not without noticing Victoria's eyes on me.

I let my eyes meet hers and she gives me a warm and very mom like smile. "Sweetie, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. It's just..., " I sigh, trying to find the right words to express myself.

"Sweetie, everything's still brand new and it will take you time to rearrange your thoughts, get back to the state you were before everything happened, but that's okay. There's no need to rush anything or beat yourself up, you go on your own pace and when you least expect everything will be back to how it used to be. Maybe even better, because now you are wiser."

I stare at her speechless, a few tears threatening to fall. It almost feels like she has read my thoughts and found out exactly what words she needed to say to make me feel better with myself. It seems like this whole thing runs in the family.

"Thank you," I finally manage to say. "Things have been a bit complicated for me the last two days, but I am trying my best to keep myself centered and being here is helping me more than I could imagine."

Armie squeezes my thigh and I look at him with a smile before reaching for a slice of bread and some egg. Victoria winks at me, hands me the coffee and I gladly take it, pouring some on my mug and then on Armie's.

"So, what are your plans for the day?"

"I don't think we actually have any. Do we?"

Armie shakes his head and suddenly a wide smile appears on Victoria's face; she leans on the table, her blonde hair, which has some grey strands, cascading down her shoulders. "If you guys don't mind going out with an old lady like me, I thought we could take the bikes and ride across the town, maybe stop by the beaches and get some fresh air. During the winter everything is quieter around here, so it's a lot easier to enjoy the surroundings and we could even go to one of vineyards. I'm sure that would help Timothée distract himself."

"That sounds like a great idea to me."

"It feels like this is an excuse for you two to spend the day telling embarrassing stories about me." Victoria shrugs and I chuckle, but Armie nods anyway. "Fine, we'll go."

"Great, I'm sure it's gonna be a lovely day."

"So am I."

I wink at Armie, place a quick kiss on his cheek and then reach for a slice of carrot cake and take a few bites of it, pushing back all the insecurities in my head and focusing on the moment, on how happy and comfortable I feel around Armie and his mother.

I then turn to look at Eliza, who remains serious, her features reminding me a lot of Catherine. I try to read her, but it's nearly impossible and when her eyes meet mine, I have the urge to look away as soon as possible. Armie seems to notice the whole thing, because he squeezes my legs once again and then leans closer to his grandma, whispering something on her ear. She nods, smiles at him and pats his shoulder while whispering something back. At first I can't quite make it out, but after a few seconds I finally process what she said.

_ I like him better than that other one. _

 

*******

 

The sun has set already and some bits of snow fall to the ground. Secluded under a thick blanket, I sit on the porch with Armie and Victoria. We spent most of the day out, went to the beach, visited the park and rode our bikes, had lunch in a tiny but delicious restaurant and by the time we made it back home, Eliza had baked an Orange cake and prepared some tea.

"I'm gonna go get myself some tea, do you guys want some?" Victoria and I shake our heads and Armie nods; he leans in, kisses me quickly and then gets up, making sure I am properly wrapped around the blanket before he goes inside.

Victoria and I remain in silence for a minute, then I watch as she moves closer and steals quickly glances at me. I arch an eyebrow, sit down properly and look over at her, slightly scared to ask but also extremely curious.

"Is everything okay?"

She nods and turns to me. "Timothée, I don't think you even understand how much you mean to my son. The smile that appears on his face when he looks at you, that's something I have never seen in my life. I have seen him fall in love before, I've seen him happy, but you...you bring out the best of him."

I look down at my hands, pretty sure I am blushing like hell and hear Victoria giggle. She reaches out for my hand, gives it a little squeeze and when I look back at her, she smiles.

"Your son means the world to me, Victoria. I have never felt anything like this and I am constantly grateful for him walking into my life. I love him more than anything."

"I can see that, Timothée. I can see how happy and connected you two are, I can see the respect you have for one another and the care too." I nod and she moves even closer. "I know it must have been hard for you to keep the relationship a secret, to sacrifice yourself because of something that only affected him and..."

I shake my head. "It wasn't a sacrifice or a burden for me, Victoria. I knew from day one that maybe not everyone would accept our relationship and that could jeopardize Armie's career, so everything I did, all these months in hiding, I did because I would never, ever, allow anything bad to happen to him"

"I am happy he has found someone who understands, supports and cares about him. Armie has been through some disappointments, he has had to make some tough decisions in life and obviously had his heart broken, but I can see with you he allows a much softer and freeing side of him to come to surface. He's one hundred percent himself when you are around and I haven't seen that in a while."

"I... I don't even know what to say."

"Don't say anything, just keep doing what you doing. Love him, be there for him and it will be enough." I nod and she sighs, pushing some of her blonde hair back. "And since we are here, I'd also like to apologize for Catherine's behavior. I don't know what happened with her, but what she did wasn't right and I am glad you all managed to find a way through it."

"You don't have to apologize, it's okay."

"No, I have to. She is my daughter and I should have taught her better than to interfere in her brother's life the way she did. She had absolutely no right to say the things she did or act the way she did."

"It's all settled now, we talked and reached a place where we will both try to overcome what happened, for Armie's sake."

"You are a very, very wise young man."

"I try."

I hear the door open and look over my shoulder, watching as Armie comes out with a mug on his hands. He gives us a quick look and I move the blanket to the side, allowing him to sit down. He does so, covers himself again and then looks at me, trying to figure out exactly what happened while he was gone.

I take the mug away from him, have a few sips of the tea and he groans, taking it from my hands. "I thought you said you didn't want it."

"I changed my mind." I wink at him and lean my head on his shoulder just as Victoria gets up and tells us she is going to bed. She places kisses down our foreheads and then makes it inside the house, closing the door behind her.

"I could hear your voices, what were you two talking about?"

"She was giving me her blessing."

  
  


*******

  
  


"Armie..."

"Shut up and just come with me."

"And where exactly are we going?"

"Just come."

"Wait...Armie, slow down."

I chuckle, feeling Armie's grip on my hand as he confidently walks down the hallways, turning lefts and rights, going through doors and curtains. I keep stealing glances behind us, making sure we are not being followed, although in the dark is hard to tell if anyone is actually lurking or not. When Victoria said we had all been invited for a community party, I could never imagine I would end up running through the dark hallways of a historical building with Armie guiding me around.

When he finally comes to a stop, we are in front of a large door, which he struggles with it for a while before finally opening. He gestures for me to come in and I arch an eyebrow, taking quiet and caution steps into the darkness. I hear the door close behind us and then a low  _ boom _ , before the lights start to turn on one by one.

I take a quick look around before turning to Armie, a confused look upon my face. "A theater? All of this so you could bring me to a small theater?"

He wraps his arms around my waist, pulls me close to him and leans our foreheads together. "This is the place we used to sneak out to when we wanted to make out with someone."

"We? Who are we talking about exactly?"

"Me, Catherine, our friends and probably every single teenager that ever step foot in this town for more than two days."

"Are you serious?"

"Yep. I had my first kiss here."

"Boy or girl?"

"What do you think?" I shrug and he smirks, pecking my lips. "It was a girl, one I thought I was madly in love with."

"How old were you?" I turn around on his arms and we start walking down the aisle, Armie's chin resting on my shoulder and his arms still tightly wrapped around me. "Because I can easily imagine a very nervous and very blond Armie sneaking in here, trying to look cool but afraid he won't really know what to do."

He chuckles. "I was fourteen and that was pretty much it. I was still a bit confused about the things I was feeling, but this was the most beautiful girl in school and we loved to sit down and talk to each other, I honestly thought we were in love. Shortly after our failed kiss, this new boy showed up in town and I could not think of anything else but him."

"Oh, you're a walking cliche right now."

"Believe me, I know."

"So, did you get with him?"

"No, I didn't." I hop on the small stage and pull Armie by his shirt until he is standing in between my legs. "I thought about him all the time, I couldn't help but stare at him everytime he walked by, but I was still so confused and intimidated by him that Summer ended and I didn't even say hi to him."

I wrap my arms around Armie's neck, pulling him down and closer to me. "Okay, that is a bit hard for me to believe."

"Which part exactly?"

"You feeling intimidated by the guy."

"I changed a lot in the last eighteen years, Timothée."

"Lucky me." I wiggle my eyebrows, making Armie laugh and bite on my lip as he lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his hips and he turns us around, keeping me on top of him as now he sits down on the stage. "Now we're back here, eighteen years later and you are a much more experienced guy than you were with that girl....am I gonna leave without a proper kiss?"

Armie smirks, slides a hand to my hair and knots his fingers on my curls. When our lips meet, it doesn't take more than five seconds for the kiss to turn into a heated, wet and rough one. I moan softly, sliding my hands down his back and tug on the hem of his shirt, pulling it off of him quickly. Armie stares at me for a moment, smiles and then rolls us over, lying me on the hard wooden floor as he hovers on top of me.

"How long until your mom starts to look for us?"

"Long enough."

 

******

 

The bedroom is quiet and mostly dark, the moonlight creeping in through the window as the curtains remain open. It's snowing outside, heavy and constant, but inside it's warm and cozy. As I sit down on the window seat, wearing one of Armie's sweater, which is way too big for me, I stare at the road and start to wonder about Monday and all the things that could happen.

A part of me is happy that I let go of the constant and heavy training, but the other one is still scared of this leading me towards failure. As both Armie and Victoria have said, it will take me a while to get over all of this, get back to my old mindset and see things more objectively. What I did was dangerous and I am aware of that, but I can't help but think that maybe it was necessary.

My phone vibrates and I startle myself, the book that was resting on my thighs falling to the floor. I check my phone quickly, see it's a text from Ansel and grab the book before reading it.

 

 **Ansel** ** _[11:30pm]:_** _hey_

_everything okay over there?_

_ we are kind of worried here _

 

I smile down at the phone. Is always nice to know people care about you.

 

**_Timothée [11:32pm]_ ** _ no reason to worry _

_ we are having fun _

**_Ansel [11:33pm]_ ** _ how is his mom? _

_                           cool or crazy like the sister? _

 

I chuckle and shake my head. Typical Ansel.

 

**_Timothée [11:35pm]_ ** _ his mom is awesome _

_ sweetest person ever _

_ she took us for a bike ride on Thursday _

_ showed around the beaches _

_ I like her....a lot _

_ his grandma too _

**_Ansel [11:37pm]_ ** _ meeting the whole family _

_                           you're serious as it could get right now _

_                          next thing you know _

_ you are moving in together _

 

I bite on my lip as I stare out of the window. I know it's too soon, that until three days ago we couldn't even step out in the street hand in hand, but I would be lying if I said I had not thought about the idea more than once. We've been spending most of our time at each other's place anyway, I think it's only natural that at some point I -and probably Armie- would start thinking about this.

 

**_Timothée [11:40pm]_ ** _ no one is moving in together any time soon _

**_Ansel [11:41pm]_ ** _ the amount of time it took you to answer me says otherwise _

_                           Go get some sleep _

_                          I know your parents are back tomorrow _

_                          You talking to them about what happened? _

**_Timothée [11:42pm]_** _yes i will_

 

I look over my shoulder as I hear the door open and smile at Armie, who closes the door slowly, probably afraid of waking me up. When he turns around and sees me sitting there, he arches an eyebrow and smiles as I wave slightly.

 

**_Timothée [11:45pm]_ ** _ armie is here _

_ I will talk to you tomorrow _

 

I watch as Armie walks to the bed, throwing himself down on it with a heavy sigh. I smirk and shake my head as I take a moment to stare at him, long legs sprawled over the bed, face buried on the pillows and hair all messy. I push myself up and walk over to the bed, crawling it until I am lying beside him; he turns around, wraps an arm around me and pulls my body close to his, allowing me to snuggle into him and bury my face on his neck, taking in his scent.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay, I guess."

Armie sighs and lifts my chin, his blue and worried eyes locked on mine. "I wanna know how you're feeling, Tim. Talk to me."

"I'm okay, Armie. It's still a struggle, but I know what I did was wrong and I am determined on getting better, finding the right things to focus on. Coming here, having a few days off of everything ballet related and meeting your mom helped a lot."

"Your body? You're still feeling tired easily?"

I shake my head. "No, I'm not. Thursday was still a bit weird for me, mentally and physically, but I'm a lot better now. Thanks to you."

"No, I have absolutely nothing to do with your recovery. This is all on you, your strength and focus is what's making you feel better. Now, I know Monday might shake you up regardless of the results, but I need you to know that you can do it, because you are strong, talented and now you're aware of what's good or not for you and your body." I nod and he smiles, leaning his forehead against mine. "That's all you need to do, okay? Focus on yourself, nothing else and no one else."

"I will do that." He pecks my lips and I slide my hand up his arms and to the back of his neck, knotting my fingers on his hair. "Will you be there on Monday? As my boyfriend, not Mr. Hammer."

"Of course I will be there, I will always be there for you, babe."

"Thank you."

"Stop thanking me."

"Will not."

He chuckles and tightens his grip around me. I tug on his hair, kiss his neck and close my eyes, letting the tiredness of a full day of sightseeing take over me as I slowly drift off to sleep on Armie's arms.


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The auditions are finally here.

I bury my face into the soft pillows, spreading my legs open as I find more space than usual on the bed. I sigh, slowly feeling the remains of sleep take over me, ready to take me back to dreamland. But before any of that can happen, the bed shifts, his fingers find my hair and his lips my skin. I smile a little, but keep my eyes close and allow him to kiss all over my shoulder blades and my neck; even if I wanted to get back to sleep, I can't deny this is the best way to wake up.

I blink a couple of times and once I finally find the courage and strength to open my eyes, Armie is staring back at me with a smile on his face. He leans in, places a sweet and short kiss on my lips and pushes some of my hair back; I don't say a word, simply let my hand rest on his wrist and try to pull him closer to me, maybe even get him to lie back down and cuddle with me until our backs start hurting.

"Time to get up, Tim."

"Let me sleep a little bit more, I'm tired."

"I can't let you do this."

"Yes, you can."

I turn around, pull the blanket over my head and hear him chuckle; I can almost see him staring at me with that half smile he uses whenever he is slightly annoyed at me, but also can't resist me. Of course, not even my charming self can do much when he is determinate to do something; he reaches out, yanks the blanket away from me and turns me back around. I sigh, look up at him and he shoots me a proper Mr. Hammer look.

"I know you must be tired, you spent hours with your parents yesterday and I am sure the conversation wasn't an easy one, but in about two hours you'll be performing in front of six professionals, who can determinate the future of your career as a ballet dancer. So please, please, get your sweet ass up and go take a shower while I finish breakfast."

I stare at Armie for a moment, his words replaying in my head over and over again. I close my eyes, take a breath and push myself up, slipping into my flip flops and stretching out my arms and legs.

"You really know how to get me going."

"It's one of my many talents." I look at him over my shoulder and he winks, making me chuckle. "Go, I'll get the bed done and then finish breakfast. We need to be at Juilliard by 8:30."

"Be honest, after everything that happened, what are the odds of me actually getting in?"

Armie gets up, walks over to me and cradles my face in his hands. When he leans our foreheads together, I hold onto his arms, keeping him close and feeling his heat.

"Your talent is beyond anything that happened. You give everything when you are dancing and if you stick to what you know, to what you are good at, then there's no way you won't get a spot there."

"But what if I don't?"

"We've been through this before, Timothée. Getting in is not gonna change how proud we all are of you, it's time for you to believe that and believe in yourself too, because everyone else does."

I nod my head slowly and he pulls me to a kiss. I hold onto his shirt and let the kiss grow a bit hungrier and desperate, as if his kiss would be my fuel for the day.

"Now go before I take measures in my own hands."

"And what exactly would you do, Mr. Hammer?"

"Throw you over my shoulder and get you to the bathroom."

"That actually sounds like a good idea."

"The water would be cold."

I furrow my eyebrows, push him away from me and reach for the towel that is thrown on the armchair. I give Armie a peck on the lips and run down the stairs and to the bathroom. When I finally get under the shower, the warm water cascading down on me, I have to close my eyes and think of all the meditating practices Pauline taught me last night. This is it, the day is finally here and I suddenly don't feel prepared enough to go through it.

******

 

My heart beat seems to accelerate the moment Armie and I step into the sidewalk and stand in front of the building. The doors are wide open, thousand of people, mostly young men and women, walk in and out and crowd around the main area; there's music playing, chatter and laughter. As we step inside, Armie takes a hold of my hand and squeezes it, glancing down at me and nodding his head in reassurance.

I stare at the place for a good minute, my eyes wandering to every single corner of it and staring into every single face that crosses my path. At the end of today, I might start to call this place my second home and half of these people might become friends, colleagues or professors. I take a long breath, try to shake off the one annoying part of me who says this is all a mistake, that I didn't work hard enough or that I don't have enough talent and look at Armie, who simply smiles and gestures to the elevators.

There's a line of course, in which we wait for about two minutes and then finally get in along with other ten people. I press my body against Armie's, feel his hands on my waist and close my eyes. His presence here makes it all better and easier; the way he looks at me, the fact he always seems to know exactly what to say, I don’t think I would ever be able to do this without him by my side.

Once we are out, he leads me down some hallways until we enter a large room filled with people. There's some sitting on chairs and others on the ground; some have their headphones on, while others talk among themselves. It only takes me about a minute to spot Ansel, Matt, Paul and Jensen in a corner; their faces seem calm, but their body language doesn't lie. They are just as terrified as I am.

"Go talk to them, I'll be waiting right here."

"You're not coming?"

"Maybe they would rather have only you around them right now. Having their professor around might make them even more nervous than they already are."

I look up at him, a little smirk on my face. "I'm sorry, but you're officially Timothée's boyfriend to them. Your reign as Mr. Hammer has successfully ended."

"It only ends when I find out at least half of you have gained a spot here." He winks, kisses me softly and then takes a long and deep breath, nodding in the guy's direction. “Okay, let's go talk to them."

"They will love to see you here, believe me."

Armie shrugs and I lead the way towards the boys, who swiftly get up the moment they see us. Ansel gives me a short hug and then lazily shakes Armie hand; the others merely nod at us, their eyes roaming from me to Armie, their lips trapped in between his teeth as they probably try to figure out if it's okay to ask anything or not.

"How are you guys doing?" Armie finally asks, all eyes turning to him. "Nervous, I can see."

Matt chuckles, shrugging his shoulders. "I wasn't nervous until last night, but from the moment I made it out of bed today, it seems like my heart will jump out of my body."

"I get the feeling. I've been through all of this before and I know how intense and scary it can be, but dwell on those thoughts doesn't help in any way. I've been with you guys for the last two years and I know, better than anyone, just how talented you all are. I know how incredible you all are and I know you all have high chances of getting this, so try to relax and focus on what you love to do, which is ballet and everything will be alright."

"Thanks, Mr. Hammer." Jensen has a small smile on his face and his eyes are kind and thankful. "I am not gonna lie, at times I do thought you were a bit tough with us and way too serious, but I am really thankful for everything you taught us and how much you've prepared us for today."

"He's right, you know." Matt interferes. "I always thought of myself as I good dancer, but your classes and advices have really helped me get better."

I turn to look at Armie with a wide and proud smile on my face. He has a small smile on his lips and I can tell he is doing his best not to blush or anything. No matter how great he is, no matter how many people tell him that, it seems like Armie will always be left shy and unsure of what to do when faced with a compliment.

"I'm not gonna say anything sappy, because you're only my best friend's boyfriend now and it just feels weird." I laugh and punch Ansel on the shoulder, to which he gasps and shakes his head. "Fine fine, you were a great professor, Armie."

"Okay, that's just weird." Says Matt with furrowed eyebrows. "I can't find the strength not to say Mr. Hammer."

Armie laughs and shakes his head. "Classes are over, you can call me whatever you want now."

"It's just... Armie seems so personal."

Ansel smirks. "If you knew half of the things I do, you would never call him Mr. Hammer again."

"Ansel, I think it's time for you to shut up." He rolls his eyes at me and I chuckle. I have to admit, this conversation has helped me calm down my nerves.

"Okay, I'll shut up then."

Armie looks at us and chuckles, which makes me smile wide as I hold onto his arm and lean my head against his shoulder. I know he was a bit scared of engaging with the guys today, the sudden transition from professor to... well, nothing actually is still recent. I didn't want to admit, but I was also slightly scared of this becoming something awkward.

"So, what are your plans for the rest of the year?"

"Eat a lot on Christmas," says Jensen.

"I'll be flying to England with my parents for Christmas."

Paul shrugs. "I don't really have anything planned, I guess I'll just stay with my parents and try to get some training done." We all look at him with an eyebrow arched and he chuckles, shaking his head. "You all may have noticed by now I am not exactly the party tipe, so yeah, I'll be quiet and probably eat more than I should too."

Ansel laughs, wrapping an arm around Paul's shoulder. "You are a treasure, boy."

"What are you doing, Ansel?" Matt asks with a smirk. "Gonna propose to Olivia or you'll keep leading her on?"

"I'm not leading her on, I'm waiting for the right moment."

"Maybe Paris, during New Year's Eve?" I look up at Armie with a smirk and he shrugs. "It just seems right since we'll be there anyway."

"We will?" I ask a bit surprise. He has not said a word about this subject ever since Pauline talked to him about it, I thought he had forgot. He smiles and winks at me, his hand sliding down to my lower back. "Okay, we are going to Paris apparently."

********

I sit down on the chair, my torso leaned forward, my fingers entwined and my foot tapping the floor as I stare into space. Three groups of guys have already made it inside the room where the judges are, Matt and Jensen were on the first group and had to endure a fifteen minute performance in group and then each performed for the judges -and all the other people in the room- for a good six minutes. They seemed slightly more confident than they were when they got in, but didn't sugarcoat anything, admitting that it had been the hardest moment of their lives.

My anxiety and fear, which was already pretty big had only gotten worse and once Armie was back by my side, after taking off to have some coffee and talk to some old friends, he tried his best to calm me down. His sweet voice, his soft hand on mine, his welcoming eyes and tender voice did help, more than anyone ever was able to, but the moment I watched Ansel walk into that room, it almost became hard to breathe.

Now the time goes by as slow as possible, the people who still remain in the room well aware they will be the next and that alone is enough to drive anyone insane. The door opens, heads shot up and as Ansel emerges from it, I can feel Armie's hand squeeze my knee. I turn to face him, give him a soft smile and get up just as Ansel approaches us.

"So?"

"It was terrifying," he starts and I can't help but let my eyes go wide. "But strangely enough, it was also one of the most liberating moments of my life. I don't really know how to explain it, but once the music starts, it's like you just get lost in the feeling."

"Euphoria," Armie says as he gets up. He pats Ansel's shoulder and gives him a reassuring smile. "I'm sure you did it great, Ansel. You're amazing and there's no way they won’t see it."

"Thanks."

Someone clears their throat on the distance and we all turn to look, seeing a middle aged woman standing there with a sheet of paper on her hands. I don't need much to know my name is gonna be called, so I take a couple of deep breaths, try to shake off the fear and wait until she says my name. I turn to Armie one last time, peck his lips and smile as he hugs me.

"You'll be fine. Just be yourself."

I nod and rush over to the room, watching the door close behind me like a kid who sees their parents leave on the first day of school. I stand on the front, mainly because I was one of the last ones in, roll on my shoulders to warm up a bit more and then stretch out my arms. A young man stands in front of us, tells us exactly how things are gonna work and then sets the music, showing us the routine we must all perform together.

I pay close attention to everything he does, try to engrave the sequence in my head like I did many times with Armie's. When he stops and turns back to us, his serious eyes roam through all of us before he speaks again. In less than two minutes, we are all standing there, listening to the first chords of the music and preparing ourselves to the most important moment of our lives.

I stand en pointe, place my arms in third position and slowly lift my left leg until I have my foot aligned with my right knee. I do a single Pirouette, then extend my arms and prepare for a high jump to the side. A mix of emotions wash over me, images of the last six months taking over my head and suddenly I am not thinking much about anything, I am simply being me. I am simply dancing.

**********

I bite on my nails, my eyes stuck ahead of me as I listen carefully to every single name that comes out of the woman's mouth. Her dark blonde hair is up in a ponytail, her manicured fingers trace down the list on her hands, each name said with such patience it doesn't even seem like she has the future of so many people in her hands.

I wince when my teeth sinks a bit too deep into my flesh, force my arms back and take a long breath. My eyes wander around the room, trying to smile at the familiar faces, but finding it hard to do so when I have so much tension inside of me. I close my eyes for a brief second, trying to remember the things Armie does and says whenever he wants to calm me down; suddenly I am smiling to myself, feeling almost as if he is standing right beside me, his arm around me and his beautiful smile directed at me.

"Timothée Hal Chalamet."

My head shots up, my heart beats faster and I feel like I am gonna throw up; I blink a couple of times, completely dumbfounded and simply stand there until she finishes and with a small smile, that's meant to be both apologetic and enthusiastic, sends us off. The guys rush to me and I know they are saying things, but I can’t quite register anything. Like a zombie, I start moving and follow everyone else out of the room.

Armie is standing there when I exit the room. He is leaned against the wall, his head down, one hand tucked inside his jeans while he bites the nails of the other. Staring at him seems to bring me back to reality and once he realizes everyone's out, he looks up and his gaze finds mine. He blinks a couple of times, takes a step closer and arches his eyebrow in wonder.

I finally allow a smile to spread across my face and nod my head slowly. Armie's whole face lights up and the smile that suddenly appears on his face must be one of the most beautiful and genuine ones I have ever come across. He chuckles, rushes over to me and when I least expect he has his arms wrapped around me while he spins me around.

I laugh, holding tight onto his shoulder until he actually pulls me down and cradles my face in his hands. Repeatedly, Armie leaves a couple of soft kisses on my lips and I tug on his shirt, keeping him close to me. I can feel myself blush when he stares at me, those proud eyes nearly making me burst into tears. With his help I have finally achieved what I had always wanted.

"You did it," he says it and even I can tell the hint of emotion that leaves his voice a bit cracked. "You fucking did it."

"Thanks to you and all that you've taught me, not only on these two years but mainly for the last six months."

He shakes his head. "I didn't do anything, Timothée. This is all because of your talent and determination."

"You helped me get better, you helped me see the mistakes I was doing and most importantly, you always believed in me."

"Since day one."

I nod and rest my hands on his neck, my fingers playing with his hair. "And I am very thankful for that and everything else you've done for me."

He leans his forehead against mine, rubs my cheeks and then leans in for another kiss. This time the kiss is deeper, our tongues dancing together and our grips on each other tightening. It takes us a few seconds to remind ourselves that we are in the middle of a semi crowded hallway; when we pull away, breathless and flushed, Matt and Ansel are staring at us with smirk on their faces.

I shake my head, bury my face on Armie's shoulder and hear him chuckle as he wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight. I sigh in relief, happy that despite everything I did, I still managed to secure a spot in Juilliard.

"Are you guys gonna stand there being sappy all day? Cause I thought we could go find Olivia and Sarah and have lunch together."

I look over at Ansel and nod. "I think that would be a nice way to celebrate." I look up at Armie and he nods his head. "You coming Matt?"

"I actually have somewhere else to go already, but I plan on seeing you all tomorrow at my parents pub for our party."

"We'll be there."

"Great, then I'll see you tomorrow night."

We nod and Matt rushes down the hallway in a mere of seconds, leaving the three of us behind. Armie chuckles, wraps an arm around my shoulder and then we slowly walk down the hallway with Ansel by our side. Just the idea that as off January Ansel and I will be walking down this hallways together, a huge and goofy smile comes to my face.

I don't think I have ever been this happy.

******

The restaurant is crowded, the sound of chatter, silverware and the low music playing mix together creating a bittersweet symphony; it's hard to tell if you want everything and everyone to go quiet or if you actually enjoy the noise. Sitting on a large and round table in the middle of the restaurant, we wait for our food to arrive while sharing stories, laughing and making fun of one another.

Armie is sitting by my side, his arm wrapped around my shoulder as I lean closer to look at his phone. He told his mom I got into Juilliard, which resulted in her sending a bunch of congratulatory messages to me. My heart warms at the thought of her wasting any second of her time to let me know she is proud of me. Armie squeezes my shoulder quickly, winks at me and I smile, aware that my cheeks have gained a little blush to them.

My attention turns to Olivia when she clears her throat and fixes herself on the chair. I let my head rest on Armie's shoulder, watch as Olivia reaches for her glass and puts a smile on her face, her eyes roaming from me to Ansel.

"I wanna make a toast to our boys," says Olivia and we all sit down properly and reach for our glasses. "I feel like this year has been quite intense for all of us, we each had our problems and things to deal with, but we all overcome those things the best way we could. You two have always been great examples to me, your perseverance, your strength and will to be better, both as people and artists, because that's what you two are, artists."

Armie leans closer to me, places a kiss on my cheek and I look at him with the biggest smile I can master.

"...and today you two proved that your hard work and your faith in yourselves were strong enough to make your dreams come true. I know you guys since I was fifteen, I've seen first hand the struggles and the fear, so it feels damn good to see those smiles and know that you are where you always wanted to be." She raises her glass and we all mirror her, bright smiles across our faces. "So, without further ado, I wanna wish you all the best in the world, that you guys have a great year ahead of you and that your dreams keep one coming true. I know I speak for everyone when I say we love you and we are proud of you."

We toast with cheerful  _ yeahs,  _ chuckling and giggling as some of the other guests look at us slightly annoyed. Armie looks at me, rubs my cheek and leans closer, those beautiful blue eyes staring deep into my soul.

"I love you and I couldn't be more proud of you. You've been through a lot in the last six months, so it's good to see you like this, happy and proud of yourself."

He kisses me softly and I can taste the Mimosa on his lips, which makes me smile, but the fact we are kissing in the middle of a crowded restaurant actually manages to bring butterflies to my stomach. We are free to be ourselves, to do whatever we want, whenever we want without the fear of anyone seeing us.

"I love you too," I practically whisper before pecking his lips again.

"Yo, lovebirds, cut it out."

We both chuckle and turn to look at Sarah, who's now sipping her Mimosa. She smirks and then winks, leaning closer to us on the table.

"So, what are your plans for the rest of the year?"

"My parents are having a little party during the holiday season. You know we're not very religious, but they like to have family and friends around. Then we're heading to France with Pauline for New Year's Eve, right?" Armie simply nods and I shrug my shoulders. "But other than that I don't really have many plans, I guess I'll just chill out for a bit and enjoy the city, the last two weeks have not been easy for me, I think I deserve a break."

"Yes, you do. I think we both do, actually." Armie says as he leans back on his chair and lets out a sigh. "I worked a lot this year and classes start mid January, I need a few days to rest."

"I don't mean to intrude," Ansel says and I look at him with an arched eyebrow. "But I think it could be interesting for you two to get out of the city for a while, a weekend upstate to recharge your batteries and actually get some rest. I know that I never get enough rest when I stay home, the city seems to always be calling you and things show up out of nowhere."

"That's actually true," Olivia says. "I have a problem resting for real when I am at home, it seems like I am just being lazy and I start to worry too much."

"Going out for a few days actually sounds like a good idea. We could do it before Christmas, since my mom and Catherine are coming here to spend the day with me."

"And where would we go?"

"Oh, I can talk to my dad and see if he knows some cool places." I look over at Sarah, slightly confused on why her father would be the best option. "He has an touristic agency, so he knows all the best places to rest. But I heard Cold Spring is actually a very nice place and it ain't that far."

I look at Armie and he shrugs his shoulders. "Talk to your dad and then get back at us, we'll see what we like better."

She nods just as the waiters come in and place our plates down. I stare down at my pasta with mushrooms and take in a deep breath, the smell filling my nostrils and making me realize just how hungry I actually was. I feel Armie's hand on my thigh and look over at him with a small smile as I nod my head.

"I'm okay, no need to worry," I whisper so only he can hear me. He smiles, nods in agreement and leans in, placing a sweet kiss on my cheek before turning back to his steak. His hand never leaves my thigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m terrible at answering comments, I know and I am sorry :/


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm my best when I'm freshly fucked, Mr. Hammer." - Timothée and Armie have a celebration of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted them to have a proper celebration on their own and Lara thought the song fitted them well, so here you have it. Enjoy ;)

My eyes land on Armie's exposed back the moment I make it up the stairs, the muscles contracting as he runs his fingers through his hair, the light hitting him and making his golden skin shine. I lean on the railing, bite on my lip and marvel at the sight, smiling as I tell myself over and over again this man is all mine. That I am the one he loves, the one he desires, the one he devours with famish lust in bed. My Armie, my love.

I make my way towards him, my hands tracing his back until they stop at his shoulders. I squeeze softly while landing kisses on his back and feeling him shiver, which makes me smirk. I get  _ en pointe,  _ nibble on his ear and watch through the mirror reflection as he closes his eyes, inhales deeply and lets a malicious grin take over his face.

"We have to leave the apartment in less than half an hour, Tim."

"Yes, so?"

"So you should really stop teasing me." He practically whispers as I run my tongue on the back of his neck. "Seriously, if you keep this up I might not be able to control myself and we'll be late for dinner with your parents."

"I can deal with that." He chuckles and turns around, taking a hold of my wrists and looking down at me with lustful eyes. "It can help us ease the nervousness."

"It will also be written right across your face you were fucked minutes prior to the dinner."

"I'm my best when I'm freshly fucked, Mr. Hammer."

Armie bursts out laughing, pulls me close to him and places a short kiss on my lips. "You are out of this world, Tim."

I shrug, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I try my best."

He kisses me once again and grip onto his hair, trying to deepen the kiss. Armie pulls away way too quickly though and I groan in frustration.

"It seems to me, you are the one nervous and trying to avoid this dinner as much as you can."

I roll my eyes, slightly annoyed at how much he knows me and nod my head. I take a seat on the edge of the bed and watch as Armie finishes getting ready.

"I am not gonna lie to you, mostly because I can't, but I was doing fine until this afternoon and then all of a sudden I started to get seriously worried about what might happen."

"And why is that? They already know I was your professor, right?"

"Yes, they do and they seemed okay with it, but a part of me is scared everything is going to go downhill."

"Babe, we can't really control how things are gonna go, but worry about it too much just makes things worse. Pauline is already on our side, so she can help if things get weird."

"You're right." I sigh, playing with the sleeves of my sweater. "But some rough and quick sex could really help ease my nerves."

Armie laughs, shakes his head and walks over to me; he kneels down in between my legs, runs his fingers through my hair and gives me one of his most charming smiles ever, which would make my knees go weak if I wasn't already sitting.

"No rough and quick sex now, but maybe I can help you with that after dinner. I mean, we should celebrate your acceptance on Juilliard in big style."

"I can get on board of that."

"Great, then lets get going. The sooner we are done with dinner, the sooner we can get back here to have our own private party.... I think I might even have some Champagne on the fridge."

"Okay, now you're the one teasing me."

He winks, reaches for his sweater and puts it on, the dark grey of it contrasting with his eyes and leaving him even more gorgeous than he already is. Although I am not sure this is actually possible.

"C'mon, we have a whole night ahead of us and to get to the part we both want, we need to face your parents first." Armie stands his hand out for me, smiles as I take it and pulls me up. I lean in, kiss him and then wrap an arm around his waist as we make our way down the stairs.

*******

 

I have had relationships before Armie, all of them short lived of course, but some were meaningful enough for me to take the guys home on either mine or Pauline's birthday. None of those times I felt anxious, nervous or even scared of the outcome of the meetings, but today, with Armie, my nerves are all over the place.

It's pretty damn obvious why I am feeling this way, none of those guys meant even a fraction of what Armie means to me; none of those guys looked at me the way he does or made me feel as happy as he does. None of those guys made me think of a future, so it's understandable that I want my parents to like him and get along with him just as much as Victoria and I got along. I want my mom to embrace him like one of her own, I want my dad to feel comfortable enough around him to make his silly jokes and sing in French.

I want them to love him as much as I do.

Despite the cold and the heavy snow that falls on us, my palms are sweaty; my heart beats faster with each step and there's this lump on my throat that simply won't go away. Armie has tried to calm me down, telling me stories about his dad, whispering on my ear and holding my hand as tight as he could; for the first time ever since we've been together, it hasn't worked.

The moment we stop in front of the building, I take a look up and spot our windows on the third floor. For a brief second my mind goes back to the years I spent on this apartment, running around the tiny living room with Pauline, watching the city below me and wondering what kind of adult I would be. That's the moment I realize that throughout all those years, when I was constantly changing my mind about everything, two things remained the same. My love for ballet and my family's support.

I look to my side, chuckle as I realize Armie is staring at me and lean in to place a kiss on his cheek. He wraps an arm around my waist, brings my body close to his and I finally find the strength in me to relax. I take his hand in my, intertwine our fingers and lead him inside the building; I give him some time to look around, although it's a pretty standard New York middle class building and then we head to the stairs.

"Are you feeling better now?"

"I'd say I am feeling less nervous."

"That's a start." I shrug and he chuckles, bumping his shoulder on mine. "Shouldn't I be nervous here? I will be the one in the spotlight."

"I'm nervous for the both of us."

Armie looks at me with amusement and I stick my tongue out, making him laugh. I smile and pull him with me down the hallway until we reach the door. It only takes one knock for me to hear footsteps and then the locks, followed by a cheerful Pauline standing right in front of me.

"Timmy!" She engulfs me on a tight hug, nearly leaving me breathless and places a kiss on my cheek, before pulling away and taking one long look at me. "We're gonna talk about your little incident later, just the two of us, you hear me?"

"It's nice to see you too, Pauli."

She rolls her eyes and then turns to Armie, the smile she had on her face only getting bigger. "Armie, it's great to finally talk to you face to face."

"I can say the same, Pauline."

I lean against the doorframe and watch in complete awe as they hug each other like they have been friends for years. Not even in my wildest dreams could I imagine their relationship would turn out like this.

"Come inside, mom and dad are setting the table." She pushes us inside the apartment and closes the door behind us. "They are really excited about tonight, mom won't stop babbling about Armie."

"Oh boy." I look back at him and arch an eyebrow. "You probably oversold me and now she thinks too highly of me."

"Not too highly, but when someone takes care of your son as good as you have taken care of Timothée, it's only natural that I want to meet you and thank you for all you've done." My mom's voice comes like thunder and kind of startles the three of us; when we turn to her, she is setting the last dish on the dining table and her eyes are stuck on Armie. "Besides, Pauline said you were a gorgeous man and I wanted to check that out myself... I see my son has a great taste."

Armie blushes and I have to do all I can not to burst out laughing. When my mom realizes it, she giggles and walks to us, first hugging me and then Armie.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Please, don't be sorry. I'm just really bad with compliments."

"He really is."

"Okay, how about you people let the guy breathe and come sit down for dinner?" Dad says as he steps out of the kitchen, shirt unbuttoned on the top and hair disheveled, the typical look he sports when he has been cooking for far too long. "Armie must be terrified to be the center of attention tonight and this reception ain't gonna help him feel better."

I nod and take Armie's hand, pulling him with me to the table. My dad shakes his hand and pats his back, a warm and welcoming smile on his face.

"It's a pleasure to meet finally meet you, Armie."

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Sir."

"Oh no, please call me Marc." Armie nods and my dad gestures for us to sit down, which we all gladly do. He opens a bottle of wine, fills our glasses and only after mom has asked more than five times for him to just sit down, he finally does. "I hope you like steak, Armie, because we might have exaggerated on it today."

"It's on my top three favorite things."

"Along with my brother, I suppose?"

Armie looks at Pauline and smirks. "Your brother and ballet."

"You're good."

Armie chuckles and then turns to my mom, who takes his plate and starts filling it with food. I watch quietly as Armie nods at whatever my dad has said and takes a few sips of his wine. He seems at ease, comfortable and in a matter of seconds I can see he is totally immersed on the dynamic around the table, almost as if he is used to be being around us for years.

I was so nervous, I nearly forgot that is almost physically impossible not to love Armie.

********

"Come with me," I whisper as I get up and take Armie's hand in mine. He looks up at me, furrows his eyebrows and I simply gesture for him to follow me. He nods, excuses himself and gets up, following me down the hallway. "I wanna show you something, which will probably result in you mocking me, but still, I'm willing to pay the price."

"Is your bedroom that messy?" I look over my shoulder and shoot him a glare, which makes him laugh. "Or am I gonna find the reminiscent of Little Timmy Tim here?"

I stop abruptly in front of the bedroom door, turn on my heels and look at him with an eyebrow arched. I had never told him about my rapper persona, so I got absolutely no idea where this is coming from.

"You thought I'd never know about Little Timmy Tim?"

"Who told you?"

"Who didn't?" I groan, shaking my head as Armie chuckles and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling my body close to his. "If I sing it with you will it make you feel better?"

"Oh my God, you've watched the video too?" He nods and I bury my face on his shoulder, hearing his laugh echo in the apartment. "Seriously, who told you?"

"Olivia was the first to mention, then Pauline did too and Ansel was the responsible for the video."

"Of course he was." I look up at him, a pout on my lips and he smiles, leaning down to kiss me. I reach behind me, open the door and we stumble inside the room, our lips pressed together even while closing the door.

I giggle in between the kiss, feel Armie's hand roam to my hair and pull on his bottom lip, hearing him moan softly. He opens his eyes and his gaze meets mine; we both smile before his eyes take our surroundings. Aware that the make out session was short lived, but aware our celebration back at his place tonight will be ten times better, I take a step away from him and lean against the wall, arms crossed as I watch him.

"So, what's the verdict?"

Armie looks at me over his shoulder. "Did you take anything with you when you moved out? Because this place seems like it hasn't been touched for years."

"And it hasn't," I say while pushing myself away from the wall and following Armie around as he looks through the many shelves with books, toys and cd's. "I took only the essentials with me, some of my favorite books and records, some posters I never hang on the wall of my apartment and some pillows."

"Priorities."

I shrug and smile as he takes a little prize from the top shelf and takes a close look at it. "I won this at an amateur ballet competition about eight years ago. My mom was so proud of me, I guess it was when she realized that I could actually have a career as a ballet dancer."

"My dad had some of these in his office. He felt a lot of pride in showing his friends mine and Catherine's accomplishments."

I wrap my arms around his waist, rest my chin on his shoulder and give his cheek a quick kiss. "I'm very proud of your accomplishments too."

"And I of yours." He turns around, holds onto my waist and leans our foreheads together. "The night went better than expected."

"It really did. I'm glad my parents liked you and that this whole meeting the family thing has past us by."

"Now we'll only worry when it's time for them to meet each other."

"Well, can we leave that for 2019?"

Armie chuckles and nods his head. As he leans closer to kiss me, we hear the door open and look over at it, watching as my mom pokes her head inside.

"Didn't mean to interrupt, but there's cake and coffee."

"We'll be right there, mom."

"Okay."

We wait for her to close the door and then look back at each other, laughing a little as we remember Armie's mom walking in on us not even a week ago.

"She saw less than my mom did."

"Thank God for that," I peck his lip, take his hand and lead him out of the bedroom and down the hallway back to the living room. Sitting there, my mom and dad are talking about their plans for their next trip, a three week expedition through South America.

 

*****

 

The ride back to Armie's apartment is mainly quiet, both of us sitting on the back of our Uber, my head leaned against Armie's shoulder and his fingers playing with mine. We share a couple of words about dinner, what were his impressions on my mom and dad, but even that doesn't last long. We're savoring our moment, no need for words, no need for big gestures.

When he get to the building though, it seems like a tension starts to build up between us. We walk side by side to elevator, get in and stand on opposite sides of it, eyes locked and smiles on our faces. He mentioned something about Champagne before we left and I plan in making a good use of it. The elevator chimes, the doors open and Armie stands his hand out for me; I take it without a second thought and let him lead me across the hallway and inside the apartment, which only light comes from outside.

Armie closes the door, spins me around and suddenly I have my back pressed against it. His body is mere inches away from mine and his hot breathing is on my face. I look at his lips, smirk as he wets them and then look up at his eyes, which by now are already a lot darker. His hand finds its way inside my sweater, the coldness of it against my hot skin making me shiver.

Armie brushes our noses together, runs the tip of his tongue across my lips and then captures me in a heated and almost violent kiss. I moan softly, my hands running up his arms and to the back of his neck, pulling on his hair with all my will. His whole body shakes and I smirk, taking advantage of his momentary weakness to turn us around and slam him against the door. He looks down at me, a mischievous look upon his face and I lick my now puffeed lips, loving to see how he instinctively leans forward to try and get to me.

I shake my head, push him back and walk away from him, swaying my hips from side to side as I try my best to tease him. I look over my shoulder, wink at him and open the fridge, searching for the bottle of Champagne. The moment I spot it, I quickly take it out of the fridge and search for the best equipment to open it. Armie watches from the door, bottom lip trapped between his teeth, cheeks slightly flushed and a bulge on his pants that cannot be ignored.

Surprisingly even to myself, I manage to open the bottle without many problems and take a few sips of it straight from the bottle. When Armie starts to walk to me, I take a couple of steps back until I am on the living room; I open his computer, click on some buttons and smile as the music fills the air. I give Armie the bottle and he takes a couple of sips of it, before wrapping an arm around my waist and slamming my body against his.

_ Tell me whatever you're into _

_ I'm a flexible lover too _

_ Don't you know baby _

I let out a low moan, close my eyes and smile. His cold lips find my neck and he sucks on it, all the while my hand runs inside his shirt, feeling his abs and soft chest hair. I take the bottle from him, drink a bit and then bring his lips to mine, kissing him slowly and letting him savor the Champagne straight from my lips.

_ Tell me what to do _

_ We'll do whatever you want to _

_ I'll do just _

_ what you'd like me do _

_ Girl you know I will _

Our bodies start moving to the beat of the song, slow dancing around the living room while sharing a drink. Armie turns me around, pressed my ass against his crotch and I sway from side to side. 

_ Imma tell you lotta things _

_ that you won't believe _

_ Come and show me _

_ Oh baby _

He bites on my neck, I throw my head back and take his hand -which until now was at my stomach- and guide it to my cock. I close my eyes as he grabs it, rubs it and then nibbles on my ear. His name leaves my lips like a mantra and my whole body aches to be pressed against his bare skin.

_ I could be anything _

_ you want me to be _

_ When you're lonely _

_ I'll be ready to be right _

_ by your side _

I pull away and turn to face him, a smirk on my face as I remove my clothes one by one. His eyes roam through my body as if this is the first time he has seen me, his chest heaving and such a hungry look in his eyes it seems like he will devour me at any second. I take a couple of steps back and sit down on the couch, my naked body glistening as the city lights hit me.

_ When you call my name _

_ I feel something inside _

_ When I hold you tight oh baby _

Armie places the bottle down on the coffee table, takes off his sweater and then slowly unbuckles his belt. The way he removes the thing makes me shiver and the sound it does nearly makes me bust a nut right there. My kinky side would love to have him use that belt on me.

_ When we make love _

_ to our favorite song all night _

_ Always do you right oh baby _

I lick my lips as his naked body comes into view and when he starts walking towards me, bottle in his hand and a mischievous smile on his lips, I have to take deep breaths to try and control myself. He looks down at me, quiet and intensively, gestures for me to lie down and I oblige right away.

_ Tell me whatever you're into _

_ I'm a flexible lover too _

_ Don't you know baby _

_ Tell me what to do _

For a moment I think he will lie down on top of me, allow our bodies to rub together and feel each other's heat, but when he kneels down on the floor beside the couch, I know I am in for an even better experience. 

We'll do whatever you want to

_ I'll do just _

_ what you'd like me do _

_ Girl you know I will oh baby _

_ Just tell me what to do _

I close my eyes and feel the cold and sparkly liquid run from my chest down my stomach; it makes me shiver slightly, but once I feel Armie's tongue on my skin, licking every single drop, all I can do is throw my head back in ecstasy and moan.

_ When you call my name _

_ I feel something inside _

_ When I hold you tight _

My cock throbs, my balls tighten and I grip onto my hair as Armie proceeds to do drop more Champagne on top of me, his tongue tracing the exact same line as the drink does. I keep my eyes closed the entire time, letting all my other senses take control. I sweat despite the cold, my toes curl up every time Armie's tongue gets too close to my pubes, when he sucks on my nipples my back arches and when he bites on my shoulder, I nearly cum.

_ When we make love _

_ to our favorite song all night _

_ Always do you right _

_ Just tell me what to do _

Suddenly I feel the hard material of his belt on my leg, going all the way from my toe to my pelvis. I bite on my lip, squirm on the couch and finally open my eyes, looking directly into Armie's.

"Not today," he practically whispers.

I groan in frustration, but sigh in pure pleasure the second his lips run down my stomach, to my hips and then my inner thigh. His long fingers find my nipples, he twists and pulls on it as he gets closer and closer to my cock. When his lips finally wrap around it, I moan his name loud. Screw whoever hears me.

_ Just tell me what to do _

_ Just tell me what to do _

Armie sucks me in earnest, as if he hasn't done it in a long time and I simply lie there, completely immersed in the wave of pleasure that hits me. I moan, bite on my lip, pull his hair and arch my back; apart from the day he tied me up on the studio, I don't think I have ever felt so much pleasure with him.

I'm nearly about to cum when he pulls away and smirks at me. I look down at him, glassy eyes and sweat running down my forehead, my lips swollen from all the biting and watch as he carefully runs his hands through my body. The mix of sweat and champagne leaves a weird texture to my skin, but neither of us pay attention to that. He hovers over me, kisses me deeply and runs his fingers through my hair, pulling on it front time to time.

_ Just tell me what to do _

_ Just tell me what to do _

When he pulls away, both of us nearly breathless, Armie gets up and pulls me up with him. I wrap my arms around his neck and squeal as he pulls me up and makes me wrap my legs around his hips. His hard and pulsating cock rests in between my cheeks and I lean my forehead against his.

I look into his eyes, wonder what his next move is gonna be and bite on my lip as he leads us to the large windows. My back presses against the cold glass, from the corner of my eyes I see the city lights and when Armie presses his cock against my hole, I bury my face in his shoulder. He enters me slowly, his bare cock hot inside of me, twitching and making me feel more alive than ever. My nails dig his skin, my teeth bite on his shoulder and through faint whispers, I beg him to go deeper and harder.

_ Just tell me what to do _

_ Just tell me what to do oh baby _

As always, he hears my pleas and starts moving faster, holding tight onto my thighs and making sure our bodies move in perfect synchrony. I gasp when he finally hits my prostate, my chest rubbing against his and leading me to cloud nine. Sex with Armie is never dull, is never predictable.

Our moans and groans get louder by the second, the sweat keeps our bodies glued together and our nails, scratch and sink into each other's skin. The city lights drawn shades of his face, giving a mysterious look to him as he pants and slams himself inside of me. My legs shake and my body gets tired, but the pleasure is too much for me to care.

_ Just tell me what to do _

_ Just tell me what to do oh baby _

Armie curses, grips tightly onto my ass cheeks and buries his face in my shoulder. When he cums, gushes of hot sperm filling me up, I nearly lose my mind. I gasp for air, pull on his hair and with a loud grunt, feel my cock twitch and cum erupt from it all over Armie's chest.

We both shudder, our feverish bodies basking in the afterglow of sex as we remain in the same position for a couple more seconds. When he finally puts me down, my legs are too weak and I stumble forward into his arms. He catches me, wraps his arms around me and kisses my hair.

_ Just tell me what to do  _

_ Oh baby _

_ Just tell me what to do _


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parents, celebrations and Christmas presents.

"Chalamet?!"

The name echoes in the bakery and while everyone looks around, Pauline and I stand up and head to the counter.

"Here's your order," the tall brunette says as she slides two large and pink boxes across the counter.

"Thank you," I reply and give her a small smile before handing one of the boxes to Pauline, who struggles with it for a moment. She throws the large cup of coffee she still had in her hands on the garbage, secures the box on her hand and then nods at me.

I chuckle and shake my head, heading out of the cozy and warm bakery with her following behind. The wind is cold and the snow is constant, but we have always loved Winter, so for us this is not really a big deal. We lock our arms together and head down the street, eyes on every single person that passes us by and paying good attention to the tiny bits of conversation we catch.

This has always been one of our favorite things in the world. Hear the most random parts of a conversation and try to imagine exactly what that person actually meant. It's safe to say we have heard our fair share of odd, sometimes even macabre, things.

"Okay, so what did Armie think of us? Did we scare him off already?"

I chuckle, bumping my shoulder with hers as she winks. "No, he actually really loved to spend time with you guys; he wouldn't stop talking about how cool mom is."

"She was pretty enamored by him too. She said more than once just how gorgeous he is and how great he is with words."

"Really?" I ask while turning to face her and even if I can't see, I know I have the goofiest smile on my face.

"Fuck Timmy, are you even aware of how beaming you get when someone talks about him?" I shrug and she chuckles, shaking her head. "Seriously, I never thought I'd see you like this. You're so in love with him it's almost scary."

"I told you!"

"Yes, yes you did."

"Not that I am scared of how much I love him, it's more like I'm scared of how this love can affect me in the future. Does that make sense?"

"Maybe. Do you mean as in, you're scared of how you'll be left if one day you are not longer together?"

"I think so, yes. I mean, if it's up to me we will be together for the rest of our lives, but I don't know what life has in store for us." I sigh, bite on my lip and then turn back to Pauline. "Last week for example, we had a fight and spent a few hours away from each other and I was already going crazy."

"To be fair, last week might have not been your best."

"Well, that's true."

We stop in front of our parents building and Pauline pulls me to the side, her eyes staring into mine. "Look, you're right when you say we don't know what life has in store for us, so take my advice and live every second with him like it was the last. Love him as much as you want, go out and meet new places, be the couple you want to be. Enjoy it while it's still here and if it's still here in twenty years, than you enjoy it even more."

"I'll try to remember that."

"Oh and have lots of sex, that's important too."

"Pauline," I groan as we make our way inside and she laughs.

"What? It's a valid advice."

"One you don't need to give me, though."

She smirks. "Oh, I see. That's why you have this glow on you lately, you're getting it every night, aren't you?"

"Night or morning, we take our turns."

"Naughty."

I laugh and by the time we make it up the stairs, mom is already waiting for us on the door. She has her arms crossed and an intense glare, which reminds me of when we were kids and she was ready to scold us for something.

"We could hear you two all the way from here."

I arch an eyebrow, suddenly feeling my cheeks burn a bit. "Hear what exactly?"

Pauline giggles beside me, fully aware of why I am suddenly scared. "Hear your laughter, what else would it be?"

We look at one another, sigh in relief and then turn back to mom while saying in unison, "sorry."

"Come on in, your dad has made some coffee and I am starving. What did you bring?"

"Croissants and donuts."

"Great." She takes the box from Pauline and heads to the dining table, where she and dad have set up a little breakfast for us. "Where's Armie?"

I take a sit across from her, pour some coffee down on a mug and smile over at dad, who leaves the kitchen with a plate of bacon. "He said we should spend some time together just the four of us, besides he had work to do."

"Work?" My dad asks a bit confused. "Didn't class just end last week?"

"Exactly what I told him, but since we are planning to go to Paris for New Year's Eve, he wants to make sure he has as much work done as possible. He gets back to work in mid-January, so he doesn't want to leave things for the last minute."

"It's a shame he didn't join us, but I can understand his point of view. Maybe he can join us later."

"I'll let him know you guys would love to have him back here....although I am sure he must be planning something on his apartment. He likes to show off that place."

Mom chuckles and handles me a plate with bread, eggs and bacon. I look at it for a while and she gives me a stern look, which makes me smile.

"Don't worry, I will eat it all."

"You better."

*******

Ever since I moved out, my parents have made sure to enjoy their lives as much as possible, meaning they are always on cruises, taking short trips to Europe or across America and visiting their friends. The fact they are constant on the move, keeps me away from this apartment and now, nearly three years since I left, it feels weird to step back in my old room. Seeing all those things in the wall, things Armie was really amused by, makes me remember a time where things were a lot more complicated. A time I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted in life; being on my own, getting a job and finding Armie has made things clearer and now it's almost as if I can vividly see my future ahead of me.

And I don't mean to brag, but it's a fucking bright future.

I sit down on my old bed, stare into the posters on the wall and smile to myself, reminiscing about all the things I went through in this room. I don't know why, but there's an odd feeling inside of me, like I know I won't be here for a while. I turn as I hear a knock on the door and smile as my dad pokes his head in.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course." He nods and opens the door wider, his eyes roaming around the room before landing on me again. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, just wanted to talk for a bit. If that's okay with you, of course."

"We can always talk, dad. Although your tone does remind me of the time I was fifteen and you wanted to have the  _ talk  _ with me."

He chuckles and sits down on the edge of the bed, his eyes shifting from me to his hands. "I promise it's not about that, but equally as important."

I arch an eyebrow and he sighs, a tender smile on his face but worry in his eyes. Suddenly it all makes sense.

"I know we already talked about this before, but I want to make sure you are okay."

"Dad, I'm fine, there's nothing for you to worry about. I learned my lesson, I won't do that again, I won't risk my career and my life that way ever again."

"Are you sure? Because now you're in Juilliard and the pressure will be ten times bigger."

"I know that, dad." I say with a smile as I move closer to him. "But I have Armie, who knows what it feels like to be there, who understands the pressure and will help me. Also, Ansel will be there, he will keep an eye on me."

"I know you are a grown man and it must suck to have your parents lecturing you, but we were really scared when we learned what happened. Your mom will never admit, but she even blamed herself for not being around enough, for not paying attention...."

"What? No, this has nothing to do with you guys, this was all me. Everyone tried to warn me and all I did was push them back, so please, tell her not to do this."

"I will." He sighs, takes my hand in his and looks me straight in the eye. "You're spectacular, Timothée, one of a kind. And I need you to remind yourself of that if you ever get to that stage again, you hear me?"

"Yes."

"You don't need to change anything, never."

"Thanks, dad."

He gives me a hug and I smile while laying my head on his shoulder. I didn't even realize how much I've missed him around.

"Now, about that boyfriend of yours..."

"What?"

"I'll admit, when you told us the guy you were dating was your ballet teacher, I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea." I arch an eyebrow, suddenly a little nervous about this topic. "But I promised myself I wouldn't take any conclusions until I actually met the guy and..."

"And?"

"And I am happy for you. The way he looks at you, the way he smiles when you talk or chuckles when you get too excited. He loves you, a lot, and I can tell he would do anything to make you happy."

"I love him too, dad. More than I ever thought possible."

"I'm happy for you, son. I am happy you found someone you can trust, someone who cares about you and helps you be a better version of yourself. That doesn't happen much and when it does, we have to hold onto to it and make the best out of it."

"I will...we both will."

"I know." He kisses my forehead, pushes some of my hair back and then gets up, a warm smile on his face. "Your mom baked a cake, so if you want to join us before going back to Armie's, we'll be on the kitchen."

"I'll be right there." He nods and heads to the door, while I sit there, staring at him. "Hey, dad."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, son."

*******

"....I'll see you then. Love you too."

I slide the door close just as Armie hangs up the phone and tosses it to the coffee table. He is lying on the couch, legs spread wide, books falling to the ground and his computer open in between his legs. He smiles and I walk over to him, cleaning up as best as I can before climbing on top of him; I rest my chin on his chest, let my fingers run down his smooth hair and close my eyes when he leans in and kisses my nose.

I feel his hands slide down my back until his fingers find some skin, which he strokes softly. I sigh in contentment, lean my head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat; he leans his head against mine, hums something and then lifts my chin, so we can look at one another. Armie kisses me softly, his lips lingering on mine for just a moment before he pulls away and smiles.

"How was it with your parents?"

"It was calm, but fun. They asked about you."

"Oh, really?"

"They wondered why you didn't go with me, but seemed to understand when I told them you wanted to get some work done before the festivities."

"We'll call them for dinner sometime this week, spend more time together and get to know each other a bit better." I nod, a wide smile on my face, which causes him to do the same. "Have you told them about Jack's exhibition? I'm sure they would love to go and see your photos."

"I haven't, but we still got time." Now is his time to nod. "You're going to the party tonight, right?"

"I'm not sure, Tim."

"Oh c'mon, Armie."

"This should be about you and the guys, celebrate the end of classes without your teacher being there."

"You're no longer our teacher and we want you there, Armie." He sighs and I sit up on the couch, pulling him with me. "You are part of this too, this whole thing wouldn't have happened without your support and we would like to have you around."

"I don't know."

"They wouldn't have invited you if they didn't want you there."

"Maybe a couple of weeks ago that would be the case, but now that they know I am your boyfriend, they might have invited me just to be polite."

"Call Ansel, Paul or Matt and ask them. We want you there, Armie."

"Okay okay, if you insist so much, I will go."

"Good, then I'll go shower so we can get ready." He nods and leans in to kiss me, wrapping his arms around my waist as he does so. I pull away with a smile, peck his lips quickly and then get up, stopping abruptly when I remember his words right when I walked in. "Who were you talking to when I got here?"

The smirk on his face tells me he knows exactly why I am asking. I watch as he leans back on the couch, shrugs his shoulders and looks at me with a smug look on his face.

"My lover." I kick his leg and he laughs, shaking his head. "Catherine called to let me know her schedule for the end of the year."

"What?"

"She's flying from London on Friday night, but will be spending a few days with mom in the Hamptons before they both come here for Christmas."

"Oh, Catherine is coming back."

"I promise this time will be a much better experience."

"I hope so." He nods, that smug face now giving place to a reassuring and sympathetic one. "I'll go shower, you better start cleaning this mess before we go."

"Okay, sir." I roll my eyes and he laughs, jolting up from the couch and collecting the books that are spread around the living room floor.

*******

I sigh in contentment as I lay my head on Armie's shoulder, my arms tightly wrapped around his body while he holds onto my hips. We swing from side to side slowly, barely moving at all, but still following the calm beat of the song. Armie leans closer to my ear, kisses any skin he can find and softly whispers to me, making me smile.

Dancing with him in a crowded bar is like a dream come true. From the very first moment, I have been dying to be this close, this intimate and not fear being caught. Knowing that pretty much everyone supports us is also a great feeling, one that warms my heart and makes me wonder what have I done to be this lucky. I got a great family, good friends and job, I made it to the school of my dreams and have the most amazing boyfriend anyone could ask for. Am I even worth of all of this?

Armie hums in my ear and I look up, hooking my arms around his neck and pulling him down for a sweet and long kiss. We only pull away when the music stops and we hear someone tapping on the microphone; he winks at me, as if saying we'll get back to it in no time and then turns me around, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder as we watch Matt struggling with the cables on the small stage.

"Hi. I'm Matt, as most of you know and although I am horrible with words, people thought it would be a good idea for me to speak today." Chuckles echo in the room and Matt shrugs; he has his douchebag moments, but he is a good guy and actually does know how to get people invested in what he is saying. "First, I want to thank my parents who agreed to shut down the pub today so we could have this little gathering and say all your love throughout all this years has been mindblowing and I truly appreciate."

There are some  _ awwwws  _ as his parents nod and Armie chuckles, tightening his grip around me.

"I also want to thank every friend, girlfriend and boyfriend who is here today, everyone who supported us the last two years and heard us complain about the most mundane things. The fact you put up with our bullshit means you truly care and we couldn't be happier to have you guys around. But mainly we wanted to thank the man who was responsible for all the pain, frustration, sweat, tears and experience."

All eyes turn to us and I smile as I take a step to the side and take Armie's hand in mine. He looks around a little surprised and confused and I just giggle, leaning onto his shoulder.

"Mr. Hammer, there were moments we were on the verge of plotting your murder, but since day one we knew we were in good hands. You were strict, you pushed us as far as we could go, you made us feel like we were dying, but there was a reason for all of that and in the end it paid off. I think I speak for everyone, especially Timothée, when I say we were very lucky to have you as our ballet teacher for the last two years and although we won't miss the classes and your loud voice calling us out, we will miss you."

Loud cheer and applauses fill the room, which makes Armie turn a bright shade of red. As usual, he doesn't really know what to do with the praise, so he simply nods in Matt's direction. Ansel kind of takes control of the situation, raises his beer bottle and we watch as everyone follows.

"A toast to Mr. Hammer. The worst and best teacher we could have."

Armie laughs and shakes his head, the blush on his cheeks vanishing very slowly. I turn to face him and pull him into a tight hug, my lips leaving quick kisses on his neck.

"Thank you for everything. I love you."

"I love you, too. More than you will ever know."

The music comes back and this time is a loud rap. As we pull away, eyes locked on each other, I can hear Ansel and Olivia as they approach us. Armie pulls me closer, wraps an arm around my shoulder and shoots Ansel a glare.

"The worst teacher?"

"But also the best." Armie shakes his head and Ansel hands him a beer, which he gladly takes. "Look, this party is actually going very well, but do you guys want to get out of here and go after some very greasy burgers? I'm craving them like a mad man."

"That sounds good to me," Armie says and I nod.

"Great, then let's go."

*******

"What exactly do you want to buy him?"

I look over my shoulder and watch as Ansel runs his hands through a set of vintage books, the golden letters highlighted with the red velvet background. We've been walking around New York for a couple of hours now, Ansel already with his hands full of bags after shopping for his whole family and I, well I'm still on the pursuit of something for Armie.

"I honestly don't know, Ansel." I look around, check to see if nothing around me breaks, then lean against the desk. "He has pretty much everything he already wants, but I wanted to give him something that he would never forget, you know? It's our first Christmas together, even if I don't celebrate it, I want to surprise him."

"Okay, so besides ballet his biggest loves are photography and cooking, right?" I nod, a smug look on my face as I go to open my mouth, but he stops me. "Don't you even dare say you, or I'll leave you here all alone."

"Damn it, where's your sense of humor?"

"I left it two stores ago."

I roll my eyes and push myself away from the desk. I walk over to him, my eyes scanning the entire place, trying to find something that would scream Armie to me, but nothing does.

"He likes ancient history too and he told me that when he was younger he would sit down at his father's office and type stories on his vintage typewriter."

Ansel arches an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes. I was a bit surprised too when I first heard about this, but Armie seriously has so many layers. Every day I find out something new about him and I don't think that will ever end."

"You know, I think I might know where you can get him a good present."

"Where?"

"Just down the street there's this tiny little store, they repair and sell vintage stuff, like record players, cameras and typewriters. Maybe you could get him one."

"Ansel, that's amazing. Let's go."

We rush out of the store and I practically run down the street, eager to find this place. When we finally make it, I nearly lose it, the tiny little blue door almost invisible in between large and modern new shops. Ansel pulls me inside and I let my eyes go wide with the amount of stuff they have in such a small space. My eyes roam the entire room, seeing cameras, record players, tvs and telephones.

I stop when my eyes land on one on the top of the shelf. It's a reasonable size, dark blue and still in perfect shape. The smile on my face as I stare at it, must be the biggest one ever, because Ansel can't help but mock me. I shove him aside, ring the bell on the front desk and wait until a man in his fifties walks to us.

"Hi, how can I help you?"

"I would like that typewriter, please."

He asks me a bunch of questions, making sure I don't wanna see any others and after nearly ten minutes, he finally takes it out of the shelf, wraps it around bubble wrap and stuffs into a bag. This are the most well spent dollars of my life, because I can clearly see the smile on Armie's face and the glow in his eyes the moment he sees this. He has shown me photos of the one his father owned and this one looks exactly like it.

"Here you go."

"Thank you."

I take the bag with me and follow Ansel out of the store. It has started snowing, but I couldn´t care less about it, all I can think about is the typewriter and Armie.

"Jesus Christ, I can't wait to see your face once he actually opens this gift. You can't stop smiling."

"I know I must seem like an idiot now, but this was the best idea you ever had, Ansel. He will love it."

"I'm glad you finally found something you like and that he will enjoy it too."

"You're saying this so we can stop shopping?"

"That too, but mainly because I am happy for you. You were very eager to find the perfect present, so I'm glad you did."

"Thanks, bro."

I sigh, my eyes wandering around the streets just as my phone starts ringing. I pull it out of my pocket and stare at the strange number on the screen, debating with myself if I should answer or not. I hit the green button and press the phone to my ear, a weird feeling going through me.

"Hello?"

"Hello, I would like to talk to Mr. Timothée Chalamet?"

"That's me. Who is it?"

"Hello, Timothée. This is Lena from The Stuttgart Ballet, I would like to talk to you for a moment.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that ending....any guesses?


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée tells the news to Armie, but things don´t go exactly as planned.

The ride up has never been more exciting to me. Alone inside the elevator, I bounce on my heels, finding it nearly impossible to stand still; my hands repeatedly tap on my thighs and the smile on my face is so fucking big I can feel my cheeks starting to hurt. My eyes are locked on the panel, the numbers changing quickly until it reaches his floor; there's a loud  _ ding _ and the moment the doors open, I practically throw myself out of the thing.

I reach for my pockets and take the key out, unlocking the door and sliding it open. Armie is standing on the kitchen, cleaning the counter as music plays loud; before he can even fully process that I am inside his apartment, I have already slid the door shut and ran over to him, throwing myself in his arms as he stumbles backwards. He laughs, that loud and infectious laugh that I love so much, a laugh that makes me laugh in return.

I wrap my legs around his hips and bury my face on his neck, breathing him in and to be quite honest, still processing everything that happened on the last hour. His hands are on my hips, holding me tight and preventing me from falling ass first to the ground. I can hear his breathing, feel his heat against mine and when I finally look back at him, he has the most beautiful and yet confused look on his face.

I smile wide, tug on his hair and pull him closer to me, kissing him as deeply as I can. He moans softly, grabs a fistful of my sweater and deepens the kiss, his tongue dancing against mine. Armie backs up, leans me against the counter and lets his lips linger on mine for a second before pulling away completely; his fingers push some of my hair back, his eyes wander from my eyes to my lips and once he finally gets his breathing back to normal, he chuckles.

“I guess shopping with Ansel went well?”

“It did, but that's not what got me so excited.”

“And what was it then? Am I allowed to know why was I deserving of such a wonderful welcoming?”

“Of course you are.” I take a deep breath, my hands sliding from his hair to his shoulder. “I got a call from The Stuttgart Ballet just an hour ago and they actually invited me to be a member of the company.”

“Are you fucking serious?” I nod enthusiastically and Armie nearly squeals as he wraps his arms around me and spins me around. I laugh, holding onto his shoulders for dear life and lean my forehead against his, both of us with goofy ass smiles on our faces. “I always knew you´d achieve greatness, Timothée. You are deserving of all of this and I couldn't be more proud of you and everything you accomplished.”

“I know and I thank you for being by my side, even when I was being an idiot and didn't listen to a word you said. You mean the world to me, Armie and it's a pleasure to go through all of this with you by my side.”

“C´mon, tell me everything. How did this happen?” He asks as he puts me down on the floor, his hands still lingering on my arms.

“She said they had people here during the auditions and they were really impressed with me. She actually said it didn't even take long for them to make the decision, they just had to talk to me.”

“Timothée, this is amazing.” I nod, smiling wide at the look of pure pride and adoration of Armie´s face. He is truly, one hundred percent happy for me. “So how long would this contract be? When do you have to be there?”

I shake my head, a little chuckle escaping me. “When I have to be there? Armie, I'm not going to say yes to this.”

“I'm sorry, what?”

“I talked to her, listened to what she had to say, but I am not gonna say to this.”

“I don't get it,” he says while furrowing his eyebrows. “You have this glow in your eyes, you can't stop smiling and yet you're gonna say no? Wasn't the proposal good enough?”

“Actually it was a great one and I couldn't be more flattered by it, but I am not about to ruin everything because of it.”

“Ruin everything? Timothée, what the hell are you talking about? This is the opportunity of a lifetime, you can't turn it down so easily.”

“Armie, I am aware of how important this offer is, but I am choosing to stay here in New York. I'm choosing to go to Juilliard and be with you.”

There's a brief moment of silence and I can see a thousand expressions go through Armie´s face. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair before looking back at me.

“Please, tell me you're not saying no to this only because of me.”

“No. I'm saying no because of us.”

“You can't be serious.”

“Of course I am serious.”

“Timothée, this isn´t a joke. One of the biggest ballet companies in the world wants you with them, you can't simply say no to it without even thinking about it. This could change your life completely, propel your career in ways you might not even imagine. You can't say no like this, you need to at least consider it.”

“Let me get this straight. You're mad at me for choosing to stay here with you instead of flying off to another continent? Is this actually going on?”

“Yes, this is exactly what is happening, because I can't wrap my head around it. I can't understand how someone like you, so intelligent, talented and full of dreams can simply step away from this opportunity without even giving it a second thought.”

“I thought enough about it, Armie. Actually, I´ve been thinking about all of my options ever since I started dancing and although this is a wonderful opportunity for me and my career, I rather choose what's more important to me and that is you and our relationship.”

“No!” His voice raises a notch and I flinch, taking a step back to look at him. My heart races now, but not exactly for this tone, but for his choice of words. “Love and relationship are important, Timothée, but none of this really matters if we´re not happy with ourselves.”

“I am happy with myself and I am happy with you, that's why I am staying.”

“I can't let you do this, Tim.”

“You can't let me do this?” I shake my head and take a step closer to him, a serious look on my face. “Armie, this is not your decision to make. It's my life, my career and I chose whatever the hell I want, whether you like it or not.”

“That's true, you're entitled to decide whatever you want for yourself. But you do understand that when you make this decision based solely on me and our relationship, I should at least be able to express my opinion about it.”

“And you're doing marvellously, Armie, but it's not gonna change anything. I´ve made up my mind already, I'm not going.”

“You can't seriously be deciding something like this so easily, Timothée. This is your future we´re talking about.”

“And my future is with you, here in New York.”

“I can't believe you're doing this.”

I chuckle in desperation, my face getting hot and flushed. “I can't believe  _ you  _ are doing this! Why you're acting like me staying here is the end of the world? I thought you of all people would be happy.”

“Happy? I'm seeing you throw away your future and you expect me to be happy?”

“I'm twenty two, Armie, I have years ahead of me, there's so much that can happen.”

“Don't play dumb, Timothée, it really doesn't suit you.” I arch an eyebrow, slightly surprised by the way he is talking to me. “You know damn well a career in ballet is not that long, that any opportunity you get can be the last, so you can't simply throw them all away and expect them to just keep coming.”

“Tell me, Armie, is this really about me or you're suddenly relieving the opportunities you couldn't hold on to.”

Armie stares at me for a second, his eyes turning serious and his mouth twitching in an angry smile. “Why is it that everytime we have a fight, you think it's all about my ego, huh? Is this what you truly think of me? That I am somehow projecting the things I couldn't do on you, playing you to accomplish things that I didn't even care that much about it?”

“You cared, Armie, you cared a lot.”

“But not as much as you do. When I chose to stay in New York ten years ago, I chose to stay beside my father, who was dying and I had no idea how much long I would have with him. You are choosing me because you think this is the best option for you.”

“And you are, Armie.”

“Can't you see what you are doing? You're putting me above yourself and that's just not right, Tim. You can't think of me and us first, you have to think of yourself, of what's best for your career and what will make you happy in ten years time.”

“Did you think about all of this when you said no?”

“Yes. I spend days thinking of what I would do, talking to my friends, family and teachers about it. I didn't rush anything, because I knew how serious this was, so I'm sorry if I think I should at least try to make you understand this.”

“What about trying to accept my decision? Is it that hard to understand I want to be here in New York, with my family, my friends and most importantly, with you?”

“Can you guarantee that when you wake up in a few years you won't look at me lying beside you on the bed and regret ever making this decision?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Can you guarantee? Because I can't guarantee that I will ever forgive myself knowing that you wasted this chance because of me.”

“You think I'd ever blame you for this? I'm not asking anything from you, Armie, only that you support my decision.”

“Timothée, I can't let you give up on this so easily.”

“Again, this is not your decision to make.”

“You have to at least consider it for more than a day.”

“I'm not leaving you, Armie, not now that we´re finally free.”

Armie sighs, buries his face in his hands and then leans against the counter. I watch him in silence, seeing as his body tenses up, watching as his knuckles turn pale from gripping the marble too hard and then, after what seems like hours, he finally lets out a breath and looks back at me.

It doesn't take me long to realize his eyes are kind of glassy, tearful and that's when my heart starts to pound on my chest. I take a few deep breaths, try to control my shaky hands and allow every single word that he said to replay in my head. I hate where this is going.

We stare at one another for far too long, none of us saying anything because everything that needs to be said is right on our faces, on our eyes and bodies. I shake my head and he shrugs, I feel my heart tighten inside my chest and the tears I didn't even notice start to fall down my cheeks. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and tell myself this is all a misunderstanding or a fucking nightmare. How did a perfect morning turn into this mess?

“Armie, you can't do this.” I hate how squeaky and broken my voice sounds, but I can't seem to control myself anymore.

“You're not giving me a choice here, Timothée.”

“I'm not giving you a choice? You had the choice to support me, but instead you're choosing to throw me to the curb and simply get rid of me.”

“That's not what I am doing.”

“You're breaking up with me, Armie, that's exactly what you are doing.”

“Timothée…” He tries to reach out for me, but I take a step back, shaking my head as he sighs.

“Do not touch me.”

“You need to try…”

“Why are you doing this? Why are you ruining everything?”

“You´ll thank me for this later. Even if you never want to see me again, you´ll eventually realize I did the right thing.”

“Hurting me is the right thing?”

“No, but stepping back so you will live your life the way you deserve is.”

“You're making a mistake.”

“Maybe, but not doing it would be a bigger mistake.” I wipe away my tears, take a long breath and stare at him with rage in my eyes. “I'm sorry, Timothée. I never wanted this to happen.”

“I find that hard to believe right now.”

Armie doesn't even say anything else, he simply looks down. I watch him for a couple minutes, eagerly waiting for him to look back at me and say this was all a mistake and that he regrets it, but he remains quiet and still. I nod to myself, realization that is actually happening taking over me as I take one long look around the apartment, remembering all the good times I had in here.

I give Armie one last look, turn around and make my way out of the apartment without even looking back. I do everything to keep myself together, to prevent myself from crying anymore,but the moment the elevator doors close and I find myself alone, I slide to the floor, bury my face in between my legs and let all the tears fall, feeling the air leave my lungs. My eyes are sore, my head is spinning, but nothing comes even close to the pain in my chest.

 

*******

  
  


I walk aimlessly through the streets of SoHo, the cold wind hitting my face, which should hurt and annoy me, but at the current state I am in, it reminds me I am still able to feel something other than the pain in my chest. I debated on going back to my apartment, getting under the covers and forgetting about everything else in the world, but the mere thought of being there and seeing everything Armie has left behind nearly makes me sick.

It´s been about an hour since I left his place, my tears have run out long ago and yet I can´t seem to wrap my head around what happened. I can´t seem to understand how he could ever do this to me so easily. Was it all a lie? Was I just a guy he messed up with while it was fun and then decided it was not worth it?

_ Don´t play dumb, he met your parents, he became good friends with your sister and your friends. He was going to Paris with you. _

Then why? I can´t believe me not going to Stuttgart, me choosing him over my career would ever cause him to act the way he did. There must be something else....maybe someone else.

I hear a honk and startle myself as I realize I have made it to the middle of the street without even noticing. I apologize, run to the sidewalk and sigh as I feel the first snowflakes fall down on me; I look up, bite down on my lip and gather all the strength I still have left, or at least I think I have, and slowly make my way back to my apartment.

It´s an unfortunate coincidence -either that or I am a fucking sadist- but when I least expect, I am standing by the studio building, staring up to the windows that now are closed. I reach for my pockets, sigh as I realize I don´t have Armie´s spare keys with me anymore and go back to walking down the street, trying to push back the flood of memories that want to consume me.

I takes me almost half an hour to make it home, but once I finally enter my building, I realize just how cold I actually was and that I am shivering quite badly. It´s nearly 7p.m. and the clothes I was wearing this morning are definitely not the best for the current weather. I nearly drag myself upstairs, unlock the door and make it in with my heart pounding inside my chest.

One look around and my fear becomes true. His books are still scattered around the apartment, his clothes are still in the bed and his smell, well his smell is still impregnated in the entire place. I walk to the bed, my fingers tracing the denim shirt he left the last time he was here and when my eyes land on the kitchen counter, I can´t control my tears anymore. The typewriter is lying there, still inside the bag and waiting to be wrapped. I gasp for air, slide to the floor and sit down as I hold onto his shirt.

Two nights ago he was having dinner with my parents and my sister. How did we get here?

  
  


*******

  
  


The sobs have stopped as well as the tears, but the pain in my chest and the feeling of breathlessness lingers in me as the water, which a few minutes ago was warm and cozy, now turns cold. My eyes are sore and puffy, my head pounds in one of the worst migraines I have ever had in my life; but none of this really matters, none of this hurts as much as the constant thought of being tossed aside by him so easily. After everything we went through in almost four months, after hiding ourselves for so long, how could he discard me in a couple of minutes?

I close my eyes and fight the tears that threaten to come back while gripping to the sides of the bathtub, feeling my knuckles tense up and my body go rigid. I let out a breath I didn´t even know I was holding, look around the room and see one of Armie´s sweaters hanging on the door. Half of me curses at myself for keeping that on eyesight, but the other part of me can´t help but smile at the memories.

I get out of the tub, wrap a towel around me and lazily make my way out of the bathroom, taking the sweater with me on my way out. It still smells like him and although I know this is the last thing I should be doing right now, I dry myself off, put on my boxers and then the sweater, allowing my hands to slowly run down the fabric. 

There´s a knock on the door and my head snaps up, while my heart starts to beat faster. Could it be him? Maybe he changed his mind or he decided to talk things through and find a way to solve this whole situation.

I make it to the door in record time, the hint of smile that had appeared on my face dropping as soon as I see Sarah standing there. She has her hair up in a ponytail and that usual wide smile plastered on her face. As she usually does, she walks past me without a word, her usual cheerful self quickly making it to the kitchen and grabbing a glass of water. I sigh, close the door behind me and lean against it, crossing my arms and staring at her with a serious look on my face.

I know she has absolutely nothing to do with this, but I really don´t think I can deal with her happiness right now.

"I know you are officially on vacation now, but if you could help me with this little something today, I won´t bother you again for the rest of the month. And just to show you I care a lot about you and I know you work better when you have food with you..." She finally stops talking, her eyes on me for a long minute and judging by how serious she gets all of a sudden, I can only imagine how terrible I actually look. "Timothée, is everything okay?"

"Nothing is okay."

I make my way to the bed and sit down on the edge as I play with the sleeves of the sweater. Armie´s smell is so vivid I can almost imagine he is standing right beside me.

"What happened?"

"Armie and I broke up."

"Excuse me?"

"Armie and I broke up. Well, actually he broke up with me."

"But...but you were fine just two days ago."

"We were fine until this morning." She stares at me in utter silence and I sigh, shaking my head. "He just did it, okay? I spent the last four months thinking I had found the man of my dreams, someone who loved and cared about me like no one else ever would and yet he had no problems ditching me when things didn´t go the way he wanted."

Sarah goes to speak, but quickly closes her mouth, her eyes eyeing me up and down. I watch as she looks around the place for a moment, trying her best to figure out what to do at this situation. She walks over to the bed, sits down beside me and wraps an arm around my shoulders, trying to comfort me.

"I´m sorry, but that doesn´t make any sense. I can´t see Armie doing that to you just because things did not go as he planned."

"Welcome to the club," I say with the most emotionless voice ever. I can barely recognize myself right now.

"Tim..."

"Sarah, I´m really not in the mood for talking right now, so if you could..."

"Have you eaten?"

"I don´t know what´s the point of this right now, but no, I haven´t eaten anything since lunch."

"Okay, then we´ll sit down and eat something while you try to explain me what actually happened between the two of you."

"No offense, Sarah, but I really just want to be alone." I stare at her with a serious look on my face and disentangle myself from her grip before crawling over to my pillows and burying my face in mine while hugging onto the one Armie uses...well, the one he used.

I pull the sweater up to make sure I can still smell him, close my eyes and try to relax my body and mind as much as possible. I can hear Sarah moving and talking, but as I slowly drift off to sleep, it doesn´t even matter much to me with who she is speaking to. I just need some sleep. Some kind of peace.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m sorry, but I promise good things are still coming. Their story ain´t over at all.


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée has trouble getting through the pain caused by his break up with Armie.

The bed feels colder, all the space there´s left seems odd and unnatural. I move, try to reach out for something but nothing comes; I miss his soft skin, his ticklish beard, his fingers on my hair as I wake up and the heat that emanates from his body. I miss him and it´s only been a couple of hours.

When I finally find the guts to open my eyes, stare at the emptiness in the bed, I sigh and try to get into my head that this will be my new normal. Everything is back to what it used to be and every single night, I will be the only one lying down on this bed.

The sound of the toilet flushing startles me and I sit down on the bed, my eyebrows furrowed as I stare at the bathroom door. At first I think someone must have broken inside my apartment, but I quickly dismiss that thought; who the hell would break in and use the damn bathroom? Then I can´t help but think it´s him, that he decided to come and see me. Once again, when the door opens, it´s Sarah standing there.

"Oh, you´re awake. I was starting to get worried."

I look around for a second, my eyes landing on the clock by the nightstand and seeing it´s nearly 11a.m. already. How the hell did I manage to sleep so much?

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I spent the night."

"Why?"

She shrugs her shoulders, making her way to the kitchen and taking a mug out of the cupboard. "Because you looked like shit and there was no way I was going to leave you all alone in that state of mind." 

I stare at her quietly, unable to show any kind of emotion. I watch as she pours some coffee on the mug, adds some cream and then walks to me, a motherly like smile plastered on her face as she sits on the edge of the bed.

"I cooked you some soup last night because I thought you could wake up hungry, but you end up sleeping all night. Drink some of this while I heat up for you to eat it. I know it´s still a bit early for lunch, but you haven´t eaten anything in almost twenty four hours and you know damn well that´s not a good thing.

"I don´t want to eat anything, Sarah."

"Oh, I´m sorry. You think this is up for discussion? You are gonna eat, Timothée, you have to."

"I don´t have to do anything besides get over what I am feeling and I don´t need anyone babysitting me to do so, okay? So you can just grab your stuff, get the hell out of my apartment and just leave me alone."

She chuckles, nodding her head as she gets up from the bed. "Is this the approach you´re gonna take to get over the break-up? Be rude to the people who care about you and want to make sure you are okay?" I bite on my lip, my empty eyes locked on hers as I hold the warm mug in my hands. "Look, I get that you are mad, sad and heartbroken, I´ve been through enough break-ups to know the feeling, seriously. But lash out on me for what happened between you and Armie, shut down from the rest of the world and starve yourself won´t numb the pain you´re feeling. You want to get over it? Talk to me, tell me what you are feeling instead of keeping it all to yourself. You still remember what happened the last time you shut down from the world, right?"

"I would never put my life at risk because of a guy, Sarah."

"Maybe, but you and I both know Armie will never be just a guy."

I stare at her, the words hitting me more than I have expected them to. He will never be just a guy, he will always be the man I love, the man who made me feel like the most loved person on this Earth. And now I lost him.

"Tim, you need to let it all out. Do you want to scream? Then do it, I´ll even scream with you. Do you want to cry? You´ve got my shoulder to do so, just please, don´t keep this to yourself otherwise when you least expect, you´ll be sad, miserable and alone."

My lips start to quiver and in a matter of seconds I find myself a sobbing mess. "I can´t stop thinking about him."

"Timmy, it hasn´t even been a day. Things are not gonna happen that easily."

"But I don´t want to feel this way, I don´t want to think about him or miss him, I just..." I break down crying and Sarah sits back down on the bed, her arms wrapping around me and pulling me closer to her.

I bury my face in her shoulder, take a fistful of her shirt and let my tears run down freely. I nearly lose my breath, I know my face looks a mess, but as Sarah hums softly in my ear, I finally feel like some of the weight on my shoulder is going away. I kept trying to suppress the pain, but it was only making me feel worse.

"Do you mind telling me what actually happened?"

It takes a couple of second to recover myself enough to talk, but I manage to slowly tell her everything that happened, from the call in the middle of the street to me leaving his apartment. Sarah listens quietly, her eyes locked on mine and a reassuring smile on my face; she has her fingers laced with mine the entire time and I think this is the first time we find ourselves in such an situation. Sarah is usually so loud and talkative, the moments of quietness and angst have always been with Ansel.

Once I am finally done talking, she sighs and wipes away some of my tears. "Can I say something?" 

"Yes."

"Please don´t hate, but I can understand his point of view." I arch an eyebrow and she holds her finger up, keeping me quiet. "As much as you love him, as much as this relationship means the world to you, and to him, you can´t simply turn your back on something like this, Tim. I´m not saying you have to accept it, because that´s really your choice, but you should take more than an hour to figure out what´s best for you. This is your life, your career we´re talking about, you should put yourself first."

"But I..."

"Just let me finish, okay?" I nod and she smiles. "Take your time to think of what is best for you and your career, go outside, get some fresh air and talk to your parents, to Pauline and Ansel. See other points of view before deciding on something that´s is so important. And as for your relationship with Armie, I can´t imagine this is the end. You two love each other in a way I have rarely seen in my life, the way you look at one another, the way you smile at each other, it´s unique and strong. You´ll find each other again, maybe in a few months or years, I don´t know for sure, but there´s a lot more for you two to live then this."

"How can you be so sure?"

She simple shrugs. "I just am."

  
  


*******

 

I sit down on the edge of the bed with the book on my lap, my fingers tracing the cover as my mind races to the very first time Armie walked inside the bookstore. I smile at the thought, grip tight onto the book and then place it inside the paper box along with everything else he left behind. I searched the entire apartment, opened every cupboard, every drawer and looked through every corner of my closet until I made sure everything that was his was lying on my bed. Staring at those books, records and clothes were not easy, but this was something I knew it had to be done and so I thought it could, in some ways, help me take another step further in recovering from the pain I am feeling.

I'm not naïve enough to believe packing his things -or simply keeping them away from my sight- will help so much and so fast, but I know it won't hurt to try. I reach for his bomber jacket, trace the H patch on it and fold it before adding it to the pile. When it comes to his plaid shirt though, I can't find the strength to do so; it smells like him, it's warm and reminds me of the first time he came here, how nervous I was and how good it felt to lie down in bed with him by my side. I sigh, try to put it on the box but can't do it, so I toss it back to the bed and move on.

I hear a knock on the door and groan, this time the idea of Armie being here not even crossing my mind. I languishly make my way over, the corner of my lips twitching upwards in an attempt at a smile as I see Pauline standing there. She pulls me into a tight hug, strokes my hair and places a kiss on my forehead as she pulls away. As most siblings, we had countless fights, but whenever I was in need, she always put her guard down and ran over to help me.

"Sarah told you what happened?"

"Yes, she did. She also told Ansel and Olivia." I sigh, shaking my head as Pauline walks past me. "Don't be like this, she's only told us because she was worried about you and thought we should be aware of what was going on."

"So now what, you're gonna take turns taking care of me?"

"We didn't actually discuss it, but that's actually a good idea, you know." I roll my eyes and she chuckles, shrugging her shoulders as she does so. "I see you're feeling a bit better already?"

I sigh, sitting back on the bed as Pauline does the same. "I wouldn't say I am better, but crying my eyes out and talking to Sarah did help."

"Talking always helps, Tim." I nod and for the first time in twenty four hours, manage to smile as she wraps an arm around me. "And I won't push you into saying anything right now, but know that I am here and I want you to talk to me. Share with me all your anger, fear and heartbreak, it will help you take this anguish out of your chest."

"I am trying, okay? I don't want to mop around my apartment for weeks or months just because I had a break up, but I don't think this will be easy to get through though."

"And it doesn't have to be. No break up is suppose to be easy, you have to feel it, that's what makes us stronger."

I look at her and nod my head, her fingers tracing my cheek and wiping away tears I didn't even realize I had. "Thank you for coming here."

"I'll always be here." She kisses my forehead again and then takes a look around us, arching an eyebrow as she notices the box on my bed. "What exactly are you doing?"

"Collecting everything he left here so I can give it back to him."

"And what is the item you'll randomly forget in your closet?" I arch an eyebrow and she gives me a look. "No one, in the history of breakups has ever returned every single thing their ex left behind. So don't look at me like this and tell me what did Mr. Hammer leave here that you'll be keeping."

I let out a soft chuckle and reach behind me, taking the shirt on my hands. "He wore it the first time he came here."

"A shirt, the classic."

"I like to sleep on it," I say and even I can tell my voice is already breaking. Pauline smiles, takes my hand in hers and squeezes softly, nodding her head as if to tell me is okay to feel this way.

"I know you're in a lot of work here, but what you say we get out a little bit, huh?"

"Pauli, I'm really not in the mood."

"Oh c'mon, let's get some fresh air. We can take a walk in the park and then stop for a coffee and some croissants. Food always helps."

"I don't know, I don't think I will be a good company right now."

"I am the one who's supposed to make you company, Timothée. Besides, if you really mean what you say about not moping in the apartment, you should go outside for a while."

"You won't stop until I agree, will you?" She shakes her head, I smile and nod. "Okay, let's go."

"I promise you the moment you say you want to come back, we'll come back."

I nod and Pauline takes my hand, pulling me up with her. Before we can reach the door, I stop and pull on her hand, which causes her to look at me over her shoulder.

"Did you tell mom and dad?"

"No, I didn't. I didn't want to worry them before I saw exactly how you were. You can tell them whenever you are ready."

"Thank you."

******

 

"Here's your San Pellegrino and your Mediterranean Salad," the waiter says as he places the plate in front of me with a small smile. I nod my head and he does the same before turning his attention to Pauline, who smiles at him. "And for you, a Tuna Sandwich and a Coca."

"Thank you."

"Call if you guys need anything else."

We both nod in agreement just as the guy turns to leave, my eyes already down at the bowl of salad in front of me. I'm not even hungry, the pain inside of me basically numbing every other type of sentiment; although if I am being honest, go out with Pauline and have some fresh -and rather cold- air did help me. Things doesn't seem as horrible as they were. Life doesn't seem so meaningless.

"So, I know you probably don't want to hear what I have to say now, but I will do it anyway." I look up from my salad, an eyebrow arched as Pauline keeps a soft and reassuring smile on her lips.

"And what exactly is you got to say?"

"Armie was right."

"What?"

"Don't get me wrong, there were other ways he could have handled the situation and you are entitled to be in pain, you love him and it won't be easy to simple move on like he was never part of your life. He was your teacher and then he was your boyfriend, he will always be an important part of your life. But he was right to ask you to think about the proposal, because this can be a once in a lifetime opportunity and you should consider it."

"Pauline, I have everything I need right here."

"Do you?" I nod and she sighs, reaching for my hands and holding it. "There's a whole world of opportunities ahead of you, Tim, and this one could be the start of something greater. I know change is scary, but you can't simply say no when you barely gave it any thought."

"I gave it..."

"No, you did not give it enough thought. Take the rest of the day to yourself, watch a movie, drink some tea and get a good night of sleep. Tomorrow you open your email, go through that proposal and truly think about all the possibilities ahead of you. Don't think about mom and dad, your friends, me and most importantly, don't think about Armie. Think only about yourself and what is good for you."

"Why does it feel like you all want me gone? Am I that annoying?"

Pauline rolls her eyes, her grip on my hands tightening. "No one wants you gone, Timothée, we only want what's best for you."

"Has anyone considered that staying here might be the best for me?"

"Have you considered that going to Stuttgart might be the best for you?" I sigh, shaking my head as Pauline groans. "For fuck's sake, Timothée, no one is saying you have to accept it, we just want you to take your time to at least think about it, because it's clear you haven't done it."

"Can we change the subject? I'm losing the little bit of hunger I have in me right now."

"No, we can't change the subject."

"Pauline...."

"Okay, then promise me you'll at least think about it."

I stare at her for a while, millions of thoughts going through my head. I can almost hear Sarah and Armie telling me the exact same thing. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to give some thought to this, it doesn't mean I have to accept it.

"Fine, I'll think about it."

 

******

It's not even 7am and I am already awake, sitting on the bed with my computer on my lap, going through the dreadful proposal that skyrocketed my life to the mess it is right now. It's a nearly 3 page long PDF file, which explains every single detail there is to know and ends with a haunting ask for me to kindly contact them in at least a week.

I'm not gonna lie, I know a proposal like this one might never show up again, I know going to Germany, be part of one of the biggest ballet companies in the world would do wonders for my career. But the fear of leaving New York and my friends behind is quite big; what happens if I don't get along with those people? What happens if I can't get used to the city and the language?

How does that impact the possibility of me and Armie ever having a chance to be together again?

My phone beeps and distracts me from those thoughts. I reach for it and sigh as I see the warning on the screen; today is Jack's exhibition opening. I stare at the phone for a while, my mind debating on whether I should go or not, of how easily it would be to bump into Armie and have all that awkwardness of post break up hit us. I don't want that for us.

I take a print out of the screen, send it to Ansel and ask him if he and Olivia would like to join me. I am among the dancers featured in the exhibition, Jack was nothing but great to me and I should make an effort to go there and at least try to look presentable. And if Armie happens to be there, maybe I could take the time to try and talk to him, see if we could fix this somehow.

With a sigh, I toss the phone to the nightstand and then close my computer, putting it aside as I slide down and lay my head on the pillow. Things were easier when I didn't have so many decisions to make.

*****

I stand outside the gallery with shaky legs and sweaty hands. My eyes scanning the entire place in search of a familiar face, although my head and my heart have doubts finding him here is a good idea. Jack worked really hard for this exhibition and I wouldn't like my problems with Armie to ruin his day in any possible way.

The door opens and I snap out of my thoughts, smiling slightly at the man who leaves the door open for me. I thank him and make my way inside; the place is well illuminated, rows of glass walls create different segments and start to wander through them, my eyes taking in every single photo.

It takes me a couple of minutes, but I finally find my photos and a wide smile spreads across my face. There's four if them, two of me at the Brooklyn Bridge, which are in black and white, and two of me in a tiny little park, with the Bridge and its lights behind me. I feel a sense of pride take me over as I stare at the photos, to see that somehow my talent for ballet helped someone create something so beautiful.

"Timothée."

The voice is low and soft, almost as if he didn't want to scare me. When I turn to look at him, Jack has a wide smile on his face and pulls me in for a quick -and quite warm- hug.

"Jack, everything looks beautiful. I'm so happy you got to turn this project into reality."

"Me too. It was tiring and at some point it seemed like nothing would come out of it, but I'm glad it did." I nod and he points to my photos. "I'm also glad you're here to appreciate this."

"I'm not gonna lie, for a moment I considered not to come. I didn't really feel like running into..." I trail off and Jack nods.

"He left just a few minutes ago, actually. But he really enjoyed your photos."

"Did he?"

"Of course he did, that's not really a surprise. Is it?"

"I don't know, considering everything that happened on the last few days, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even acknowledge my little segment here."

"No no no. Don't be too harsh on him, Timothée. He did what he did because he loves you and wants only the best for you."

"He's got a nice way of showing it."

Jack sighs, holds onto my shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. "I know right now things are not easy, you probably mad and disappointed, but I'm sure with time you'll understand why he did this. Besides, I hardly doubt this is the end of your story together."

I arch an eyebrow. "Why everyone keeps saying this?"

"Maybe because it's easy for us to see how big and beautiful your love truly is?" I can't help but smile at his words; there's some kind of softness on his voice, something that warms my heart and actually gives me glimpses of hope. "Look, I have to go around and talk to some other guests, but please feel free to go around and check out the other photos."

"Will do it."

"There's champagne and some snacks by the bar." I nod and he gives my shoulder another squeeze before turning to walk away. He stops before he can get too far, looks at me over his shoulder and smirks. "If you're wondering, his photos are on the next segment."

I smirk back at him and shake my head as he shrugs and walks away. I bite on my lip, debate on whether I should go or not, but that truly only lasts a couple of seconds. I slowly walk over to the next segment, paying attention to every single photo, but impatiently waiting for his to come up. When I finally find them, I stop right in front of it, my eyes watering a bit and my heart beating a bit faster. It's hard to tell if I'll ever be immune to him.

My first instinct is to reach out and touch, but I stop myself when my name is called. I turn around and watch as Olivia and Ansel make their way over, small smiles on their faces. Olivia hugs me tightly, her fingers running through my hair and I have to do everything I can not to burst into tears right away.

"Hey, Sarah and Pauline told us what happened," Ansel says. "I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now, but know that I'm here for whatever you may need."

"I know."

"Where are your photos? We couldn't find them."

"Right at the beginning actually."

"And what had you so caught up here that we called and you didn't even...," Ansel stops when he looks to the side and sees Armie's photos there. He nods, gives me a small smile and I shrug my shoulders, knowing he will understand everything I got to say without really saying anything.

Olivia links her arms with mine, places a kiss on my cheek and bumps her shoulder on mine. "So, what you say we take a little look around and then go out to get something to eat? Maybe we could talk a little bit."

Talk. Why does everything want to talk? Can't we just sit down and enjoy each other's company in silence?

"Sure, why not?"

 


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée tries his best to go through the festivities.

Nine days, twenty hours and forty five minutes; that's exactly how long it's been since I saw Armie for the last time. The first few days were the worse, despite me trying my best, going out for walks with Pauline, going for lunch with Ansel and Olivia and even spending a three days with my parents, whenever I was on my own, I couldn't help but think of him and feel a pain in my chest. I'm not saying things are easy now, because they are not; I still dream about him, I still wake up during the night aching to have his arms around me and whenever I see my ballet shoes, it's the image on him dancing that comes to mind. But despite all of this, I've cried less, I smiled more and luckily, soon enough I will be back to my old self.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"To be completely honest? No. But I also feel like doing this might bring me some closure and that's exactly what I need right now."

"Either that or it will break you down to pieces and ruin all the work you've done the past week to get better." I look at him and he shrugs his shoulders. "Look, you know exactly what I think about this breakup and how I'm sure it won't last for long, so just wait a little bit more until you feel like you're actually capable of facing him to do this."

"I appreciate your concern with me, Ansel, but you've always told me that whenever I am confused about something, I should go with my gut. Well, that's exactly what I am doing here."

He shrugs and pats my shoulder. "If you say so. Now ring the damn buzzer because my fingers are going numb from holding this box for so long."

I chuckle and just as I am about to press the button, I see Mr. Perez walking down the long hallway and towards us.

"Timothée? It's been a while since I saw you around here."

"Hi, Mr. Perez. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine, son." I smile and nod my head. "Armie isn't home today, but can I help you with anything?"

"Yes, you can. I wanted to leave these boxes at his place and I know you shouldn't allow me in without him being home or a previous warning, but I seriously need to do this."

"Timothée..."

"Look, I know there's rules for that, but I won't be in town for a couple of days and I wanted to make sure he will have this with him by Christmas."

"It you leave it here, I can deliver it to him."

"Mr. Perez, you know me. For the past four months I have been going in and out of this building like it was my own, so I'm begging you to please, please, let me do this."

"I could get on real trouble for this, but since it's you, I will let you in. But please, make sure you don't take too long, okay?"

"Less than five minutes."

"Fine." He says with a small smile as he opens the gate and allows me and Ansel in. "You still have the keys?"

"I do." Ansel throws me a look and I shrug my shoulders. I left his apartment in the middle of an argument, I haven't had the guts to contact or see him ever since. Of course I still have the keys to his apartment.

I gesture for him to follow me and make my way to the elevator, pressing the number to his floor and watching the doors close. I lean against the wall, my foot tapping on the floor and my hands sweaty, all my thoughts on how am I gonna react to being back on his apartment after everything that happened.

"You can still change your mind," Ansel says softly beside me.

I look at him and shake my head, taking one deep breath. "No, I'm gonna do it."

There's a beep, the doors opens and I step out of the elevator with Ansel following me. I reach for the keys, unlock the door, but stare at it for a while before I can actually manage to slide it open. A small smile instantly comes to my lips as I step inside, finally aware that no matter what happens, this place will always be a safe place for me. The memories and the moments I spent here will always be on my mind and will always make me happy.

I bite on my lip, gesture for Ansel to leave the box on the kitchen counter and head to the Christmas tree, kneeling down on the floor and letting my eyes scan through all the presents laying on the floor. I see two with his mom's name on it, two more with Catherine's name and then suddenly, a large and beautifully wrapped box with my name written on it. 

My breath seems to get caught up in my throat, my lips get dry and I have to close my eyes and count to ten to stabilize myself. He knew I didn't celebrate Christmas, he knew I would be spending most of the day with my parents and yet he brought me something.

_ He still loves you, dumbass. _

I wipe away my tears, smile to myself and run my hand through the package, a little part of me dying to know what's inside. I shake my head, place his gift down next to the one with my name on it and get back up. When I look over my shoulder, Ansel is staring at me with a concerned look upon his face; I shrug my shoulders, take one last look around the apartment and then walk straight to the door.

I slide the door close with a pain in my chest, but knowing this is the right thing to do. If our story really isn't over, like Sarah, Jack and even Pauline said, then we'll find a way to meet again.

******

It's a rare sunny day, no snow and definitely not as cold as you'd expect to be one day before Christmas. The smell of apple and cinnamon fills the apartment as Sarah stands by the stove, preparing some tea while I sit on a stool, eyes locked on the computer screen. I sigh as I scroll through dozens of pages and ads, tired of all this research.

"Here you go," Sarah says as she slides a mug towards me and hops on the stool across from me.

"Thanks," I say with a smile. "You do know I am feeling a lot better, right? There's no need for you to chaperone me."

"I know you're feeling better, but I also know there's still a lot of pain inside of you and since I am your friend, I am more than okay to stay here and make you some company."

"You were the one who saw me at my worst, the fact you still want to be around me, is truly heartwarming."

"You went through a bad and unexpected break up, I've been there too and might have acted like a total bitch at some point, so I have no right to judge you although I did called you out for it and would do it again if necessary." I chuckle, nodding my head and take a few sips of the tea as Sarah reaches for my notebook and turns to her. "So, what are you looking for right now?"

"A place for me to live, but everything is so goddamn expensive."

"The European lifestyle, my friend." I rolls my eyes and she shrugs. "I can't believe I won't have you beside me at work anymore. I'm gonna miss you so much, you have no idea."

"I'm gonna miss you too, Sarah. I'm gonna miss everyone and everything, actually. Apart from the summers we spent with my dad's family in France, I never stayed away from New York for more than two weeks. It's gonna be so hard to adjust to the new life and most importantly, the new language."

"Yes, it might be hard, but considering you seem to have a certain type when it comes to men, I'd say Germany is the perfect place to be."

"Guys is the last thing on my mind right now, Sarah."

"I know, but that doesn't mean you can't think about the options you'll have there."

"I'm going there to dance, not to fall in love. I don't even think I'll be able to do this anytime soon."

"Okay, time to take this conversation back to apartments. I don't want you getting sad right now, so tell me what are you searching for."

"Something nice and cozy, definitely doesn't have to be big, but it definitely has to be downtown or near. I don't want to spent too much money on transport and stuff."

"Okay, I think we can narrow it down to something that fits your standards. It won't be cheap if you want downtown, but you will be getting a nice salary, so don't be dramatic."

I shake my head, chuckle and watch as Sarah types away on the computer and then scrolls through a few pages of ads. When she finally sets her mind on some things that are worth watching, she moves to my side and slides the computer in front of me.

"Okay, here are your options..."

******

The snow falls on the quiet street, while inside the apartment there's chatter, laughter and low music playing. There's a ton of food spread on the table, hours of work from my mom and dad to make it a good little "Christmas but not really Christmas" party for some of our family and their friends.

Not yet ready to indulge in this kind of social gathering, I sit quietly on the window seat, staring out the window and sipping on hot chocolate. The warmth of it in my hands is comforting, the smell soothing and even if for a couple of minutes, being here on my own little world does take my mind away from Armie, New York and Stuttgart.

"Hey, are you alright?"

I look to my side, watch as mom sits down at the edge if the seat and nod my head, trying my best to put on a smile. Although by now, I am sure she doesn't expect me to look that happy.

"I'm okay, just wanted to be quiet for a moment."

"Thinking of Armie?"

"Sometimes," I say honestly as she nods and rubs my leg. "I went to his apartment a few days ago, I wanted to drop some things off and I saw he had brought me a present. I wasn't expecting and it nearly destroyed me, mom; to know he had planned something and that..."

"Hey, it's okay."

"I miss him so much, mom. I've been trying my best to keep myself together, to do whatever I can to forget him, but I can't take him out of my head. Everytime I go out, everytime the doorbell rings, it's always him on my mind and I don't know what to do anymore."

She scoots closer and takes my hand in hers. "Timothée, please be honest with me right now. Are you going to Stuttgart just so you can stay away from Armie? Runaway from the possibility of crossing him on the street?"

"Honestly? I don't even know. I think a part of me is doing this because of him, to stay away and move on; but after taking some time to think, I do know this is the best for my career right now."

"Tim, I'm not gonna lecture you or anything, but I hope you're absolutely certain of what you decided to do."

"I am, mom."

"Then I'll be here to support you throughout everything."

"Thank you."

She shrugs, pulls me closer and embraces me in a tight hug, kissing my cheek.

 

*******

 

"Oh c'mon, man. You didn´t celebrate your birthday and now you're telling me you don't wanna do anything for New Year's Eve?"

"Ansel, you have to understand that I am not exactly on the mood to party."

"Tim, I'm not talking about hitting the clubs, getting shitfaced and hooking up with strangers. I'm talking about us and Pauline, in a nice rented house somewhere warm, celebrating among ourselves and spending some quality time together."

"Look Tim, I know things have not been easy for you lately, but you leave for Stuttgart on the 6th of January, which means we have a total of eight days with you. We should be spending as much time together as possible."

My finger traces the mug, my eyes focused on the smoke that still comes out of it as Olivia's words repeat themselves in my head. My mood is much better, my head seems more centered, despite everything I've been doing lately, and although I'm not really in the mood for parties, spending time with my friends before I leave seems like the right thing to do.

I look back up, furrow my eyebrows as I find the three of them staring at me with pouty lips and roll my eyes as Ansel leans forward and gives me an inquiring look. I nod slowly, watch them hoar in cheer and can't help but laugh; it's hard to get better and overcome a heartbreak, but with the friends I have everything is easier.

"But, I won't be the one making any reservations. You guys deal with it and I'll just pop up whenever and wherever I am needed."

"Fine, I will deal with that," says Ansel with a shrug.

"Great, because I have way too much to do. I still have to check some things regarding the new apartment, buy new clothes and send some emails."

"You want some help with that," asks Sarah as I drink the remains of my coffee. "I don't have any plans for the rest of the day, so we could go shopping, find you some cute clothes for the German winter."

"I appreciate all the help I can get. You joining us, Olivia?"

"I would love to, Tim, but I have to go through some menus for this party my cooking class is catering. But I will make sure to help Ansel find us a nice place in the meantime, so you two go and have some fun."

"Have fun," I mutter with a scoff. "I'll try my best."

I nudge Sarah and she quickly grabs her belongings, running after me as I wave Olivia and Ansel goodbye. I reach for my phone in my jacket and unlock it, looking through some messages and putting on a reminder that I have to send an email to Stuttgart as soon as I get home. Just as I put the phone back in my pocket, my body collides with a hard and tall one, which nearly sends me to the ground.

I stumble a little, but my aggressor's hand finds my arm and keeps me balanced. My eyes roam to the hand, then to the black jacket with red and blue stripes and suddenly my heart skips a beat. It takes everything in me to actually allow my eyes to move up and come face to face with him. I had worked so hard on avoiding him, afraid that seeing him would make me question my choice to leave to Germany and now here we are; his body inches away from mine, his hand on my arm and a sweet and yet sad glow in his eyes.

"Armie," the name leaves my lips almost in a prayer and my heart is about to burst out of my chest. I can feel Sarah's hand on my back and even from afar, I can tell Ansel and Olivia are looking at us, serious and apprehensive.

"I'm sorry, I was a bit distracted."

"Yeah, so was I."

Silence, awkward looks and postures. None of us really knows how to deal with this situation and we're left in this weird limbo where we both want to talk, but neither knows how. Ironically, it takes me back to the weeks that followed our first kiss.

"How are you?" He finally asks, breaking the dreadful silence.

"Do you still care?"

_ Oh, that's how we're gonna deal with the situation? Okay. _

Armie looks at me, bites on his lip and then turns his gaze down. His body is rigid, his jaw clenched and I can see him running his hands on his jeans; he's just as nervous as I am right now, I shouldn't be a dick to him.

"I'm doing fine," I finally say and he looks back up, nodding his head. "What about you?"

"A little bit busy with work, but Catherine is trying to help me as much as she can."

"She's still here?"

"She decided to stay a little longer, thought I would need the help."

I nod, my head starts to spin and I debate on all the things I want to say. Is this the time and the place?

"I bought you a Christmas gift," I say before I can even think of the ramifications of bringing up this subject.

"I saw it."

He saw it. He saw it and didn't even take a moment of his life to thank me?

"And I can honestly say it was the best gift anybody ever gave me. Thank you for it."

"The moment I saw it, I knew you'd love it."

Another brief moment of silence takes us over, but this time I am the one to break it, although I wish I hadn't.

"One day you promised me that you wouldn't distance yourself from me even if we broke up. What happened to that promise?"

_ You didn't want his calls, you didn't want his texts. Why are you doing this to him? To yourself? _

Suddenly, Armie's body shifts completely and I can see in his eyes an immensity of sorrow. This is the Armie I barely had the chance to see, the vulnerable side of him that he sometimes hid way too much. This is the Armie who couldn't believe what his sister had done, the Armie who almost in tears revealed me what had caused him and Connor to break up.

"I wanted to reach out to you, Timothée. I wanted to tell you just how miserable I was until I saw your Christmas present and how it made my whole day better. I wanted to text you on your birthday and say you are a gift to this world, that I'd never be good enough for you. But I knew better than this, I knew you were angry at me, I knew you needed space to sort things out, so I took the chances of you hating me even more and chose not to say a word."

My mouth opens, I stutter through my words and then look down at the floor. There's just so much I could say to him right now, so many feelings boiling up inside of me. Things I have already said, things I never got the chance to say, but nothing really seems to matter right now.

"I accepted the proposal." I can hear him shift around and when I finally look up at him, I can see tears in his eyes.

"That...that's great, Tim."

"Exactly how you wanted things to go, right?"

"I just want the best for you, Timothée. Even if that means being away from you."

"I leave in eight days," I say trying to sound cool, but I know deep down this is me hoping he will come after me, kiss me deeply and ask me to stay.

"I know you'll do great there. The sky's the limit for someone as talented as you." He tries to smile, but it's not even close to that beautiful and beaming smile I've learned to love. "I have some things to do, but I hope everything works out for you and most importantly, that you have a nice and calm flight."

I can't help but chuckle and Armie nods before walking past me. I take a deep breath, take a hold of his arm and try my best to smile as he looks at me over his shoulder.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m loving every single comment you guys are leaving regarding the current situation of the boys, it´s always great to hear what you guys have in mind. :)


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It´s time to go.

January 6th, 2019.

Today is the day my life changes completely. In less than six hours a plane will lead me across the ocean to a new country, a new culture and possible new friends. I'll leave my family, my long time friends, Juilliard and even my apartment behind. These apartment was bought with half of my savings and half a present from my parents; since I was eighteen, I had so many good things happen to me here, so many laughs and joy. And now it's completely empty; most of my stuff have already been shipped to Stuttgart, while furniture was sold. In a matter of a week, a new person will be living here, building their own memories while mine remain only in my head.

I run my fingers through the cold marble of the counter, immediately remembering of all the times Armie cooked for me here, all the times he pressed me against it and kissed me as if the world was about to end. I had enjoyed all of those moments, but if I knew that in less than six months it would all be over, I would have definitely spent more time with my arms around him. I would have said I loved him more often.

Shaking my head, I reach out for my suitcase and my backpack. One last stop at my parents place and then we all head to the airport together. I make to the door slowly, looking at every corner, smiling at every little detail I grew fond of. My new apartment in Germany is a bit small, but beautiful and with a nice view of the city, but this one will forever be my home.

Close the door behind me is harder than I expected, a couple of silent tears forming in my eyes and threatening to fall. I dry out my eyes, try to put of a smile and head down the hallway to the stairs. I promised myself I wouldn't cry much today and I plan on keeping that promise. I give the keys on the doorman, who gives me a quick hug and says he will miss me and my talkative self around this place. I joke that in a week he won't even remember me, but he shakes his head, a honest smile on his face.

My Uber is already waiting, the driver tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as I take a moment to stand in front of the building, looking from top to bottom and smile. Much to the driver's relief, my moment of nostalgia doesn't last long and soon enough we're out on the streets of New York. I stare out of the window, this time not able to contain a tear from falling as we pass through Armie's studio, which has its lights on. For a moment I think of making him stop, but I know it's silly and won't get us anywhere; I've made my decision and now it's time to go through with it.

******

If I'm being honest, the last thing I wanted was to have everyone with me on the airport, crying, hugging and living out those cheesy scenes from dramas and romantic comedies. Also, it doesn't make it easy to leave when you got your mom and sister -who from now on will live less than four hours away from you- crying as I stand in front of the gate line. Sarah and Olivia also have red eyes and pouty lips, their hugs nearly suffocating me. Then there's dad and Ansel, quiet, collected but equally as emotional with the whole scenario.

My dad makes sure to tell me to just be myself, don't push myself too hard and always call whenever I feel lost or on the verge of doing something wrong. Ansel, while holding onto my shoulders, tells me have fun and do whatever I can to get my life back on track. He was the one who heard all my fantasies about Armie, the one who had to deal with my nervousness after our first kiss and he did it all with such patience that I will never be able to thank him enough.

"I love you, okay?" Mom says one more time as she hugs me. "Your dad and I are already planning a trip to Germany during the Summer, so we'll see you in a couple of months."

"Okay, mom."

"Please, call me the minute you land, I need to know you are okay." I nod my head, a small smile on my lips as she sighs. "Send me some pictures of the apartment, too. The ones from the internet are not good enough, I want a closer look to make sure you are comfortable."

"Mom, everything will be alright."

"You can still say no if you want to, you know that. Right?" I arch an eyebrow, slightly confused on why she would say this now. "If you're doing this for yourself, than it's great. But if you're only doing it to forget about Armie, then there are other ways to deal with it."

"I'm doing this for myself, mom. Armie might be one of the reasons, I'm not gonna lie, but this was a decision I made thinking on what's best for me. And if it turns out it's not what I expected, I can always come back home, right?"

"Our door will always be open, Tim."

"I know."

I give her a kiss, wave once again to everyone else and with a deep breath make my way down the line. The lady scans my ticket, smiles at me and gestures for me to go ahead and I do so, taking one last look over my shoulder. Everyone's waving and smiling, but I'm actually looking around them, trying to spot someone different in the crowd.

I know the idea of him being here would only make things harder. I would turn into a sobbing mess, my heart would break into a million pieces, but at least I'd get to see him one last time. Maybe share one last kiss and leave with the certainty that there is hope for us, even if just a little.

******

There's an indescribable thrill in being in a country you've never been to before. Experience a new culture, meet new people and unravel all these little secret places that only locals know about. While the last few days have been filled with doubt and wonder, the moment the plane started its descent and I saw the city, things started to change. I'm sure I would still have lots of moments of sadness and emptiness, but being in some place new seemed more and more like a good idea.

I landed at 7am and after a two hour drive to the center of Stuttgart, I finally made it to my new apartment, which I barely had the chance to look at since I dropped my bags, grabbed my wallet and headed straight out of the door. It was nearly 10am when I made it back to the crowded streets, watching with amused eyes as the most diverse type of people passed me by. For a New York kid, I have to admit I was a little too amused by all of this.

Right now I stand in the middle of the Königstraße, my eyes wandering to every single thing around me. It's quite a cold day, but the sun helps makes things a bit better; I spot a coffee shop just down the street and rush over to it, securing myself from the cold and smiling at the intoxicating smell of coffee and vanilla. I look around the place for a second, find an empty table at a quiet and dark corner and make my way over. There's a tiny window next to the table, which gives me some peace but at the same time allows me to take a look at the city life.

"Möchten bestellen Sie?"

The voice startles me and I look up to see this gorgeous blonde girl with brown eyes and a very dark red lipstick on her lips. She arches an eyebrow, waits for me to say something and then sighs.

"Wie kann Sie helfen?"

I shake my head, an apologetic smile on my face. "I... I'm sorry, I don't speak German."

"Well, you're in for a treat, boy." I chuckle and she smiles down at me. "What can I get you?"

"What do you suggest for someone who has just made it here all the way from New York?"

"Jesus, you'll want something substantial. I advice you to get out Chicken and Sauerkraut Sandwich, with chips on the side."

"That sounds great to me, anything sweet?"

"Our speciality is chocolate pie," she says as I nod. "Okay then, a Chicken and Sauerkraut Sandwich and a chocolate pie. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Just a Coke, please."

"I'll be right back with your order." I nod and she takes a few steps away from me, but then turns back around, leans against the table and smiles. "Willkommen."

******

  
  


It´s almost 7pm when I make it back to my apartment, this time giving it a proper look around it. It´s half the size of the one I had in New York, but it´s bright and the balcony has a wonderful view of the city, so I really can´t complain about it. There´s nothing inside besides my bags, some boxes I shipped from New York, a folding chair and a mattress; basically this apartment is an empty canvas ready for me to fill it with whatever and however I want. And to be quite honest, I am excited to start from zero.

I walk to the the tiny kitchen, which features a wooden counter attached to the wall, some cupboards, a sink and a new stove. The counter seems like it will need some fixing, but apart from some hinges on the cupboards, nothing else really needs to be touched. Across the kitchen there´s a green slide door, which hides a spacious bathroom, with black and white tiles, a nice shower and a big mirror.

Then there´s the big emptiness where I plan on adding my new bed, a chair and maybe a desk. On the right side of the large wall there´s two small windows, while on the left side a glass door that leads to the balcony. I take my keys, head over to it and smile as I step into the balcony and feel the cold air hit me and hear the city below. 

I lean against the rail, watch as cars, bikes and buses pass by; watch people meet and separate, bars opening and libraries closing. Stuttgart seems like a busy city, which definitely helps in the transition; I might have been a bit scared of this whole experience, but now I see it truly might be the best for me.

Moving here and accepting this proposal might even help me to figure out a new side of me.

I smile to myself, take a long breath and head back inside and straight to the bathroom. I don´t have internet, furniture or food in this place, I might as well take the time to get to know a little bit more of Stuttgart´s nightlife. I take a quick shower, fish for something comfortable and cozy in my bag, put on my combat boots and head out of the apartment. 

I head to the main street, my eyes scanning every single bar as I try to find something that is equally cozy, fun and yet not too crowded. It takes me a few minutes and a couple of blocks, but I finally find one and make my way inside, looking around the dark place where a red haired man plays Led Zeppelin on the small stage. 

There´s many empty tables still, but I choose to sit on one of the stools at the bar. There´s a little menu and I reach for it, thankful for all the photos on it, so I really don´t have to spend too much time trying to decipher what I am reading. I raise my hand, trying to get the bartender's attention and smile slightly as he walks towards me.

"Hallo!"

"Hi. Can I get a beer, please?"

"Ein bier?" He asks with his eyebrows furrowed and I sigh. He keeps on staring at me and I am about to nod my head yes, even without being one hundred percent sure of what he just said, when I feel a hand on my shoulder and a soft feminine voice.

"Hallo Günther. Zwei bier, bitte."

The man nods and turns to the refrigerators as I look to my side, watching as Charlotte, the waitress from earlier today, sits on the stool next to mine.

"You seriously need to learn a thing or two in German, buddy, or else you´ll starve."

"I didn´t really have time to learn anything, I barely know how to say hi."

She shakes her head, thanks Günther when he comes back with our beer and then turns to me. "What kind of person doesn´t try to learn even a word in another language before traveling?"

"Americans, who believe everyone in the world has to understand them?"

She bursts out laughing and nods her head. "I really like you, you know."

"Well, I´m flattered. Maybe you´d like to be my translator? I think I might need one."

"That really depends on how long you´re staying. I do have a life after all."

The musician starts playing Hey Jude and I have to turn around, he is a hot guy, some tattoos and nice style, but he definitely wasn´t made to be a musician. I hear Charlotte laugh beside me and turn to look at her, arching an eyebrow.

"He´s really bad, isn´t he?"

"Yes, he is."

"And yet, for some reason I can´t quite understand, he plays here once a week."

"Are you people masochists?"

She shrugs, "maybe a little bit."

I chuckle and shake my head, reaching for the menu again and shoving it on her hands. "Help me find something worth eating? I´m starving."

 

*******

 

Charlotte was the one who decided we should get out of the bar and take a walk around the neighborhood. She wanted to show me some cool places and gave me some tips of where I should go for food, fun and clothes; she has a nice spirit, talks whatever is on her mind, is fierce and with an impeccable sense of humor. When I look at her and I can almost see Sarah.

I told her about why exactly I am in town, how excited and nervous I really am about starting this new life and she couldn´t be happier to know I am a ballet dancer, since she herself loves to go to ballet presentations. It feels good to already have someone who can give me some help if needed; with all my friends back in New York and the competition that surrounds the big ballet companies, have someone who I can rely on is everything I need.

"...and the Killesbergpark is also one of the most beautiful places around here, so you definitely have to go when you have time. Oh you have to go to the Landesmuseum too, you´ll love it. Considering you like museums, of course."

I chuckle, nodding my head. "I love museums, actually. What I don´t know is if i will have the time to see all of this."

"You´ll be here for at least a whole year, you have plenty of time."

"That´s not true, rehearsals can be quite demanding."

"Oh, you have barely met and you´re already bailing on me, Timothée?" She makes an effort to butcher my name and looks at me with these puppy dog eyes, that certainly get straight men to do everything she wants them to do. 

"Okay, maybe we could try to go to one of these places tomorrow or the day after? I do have to divide myself in between sightseeing, fixing my new apartment and stopping by the academy though."

"Oh, your apartment. Do you want some help with that? I am a great painter, if you need."

"That´s good to know, I might actually need you. I´ll keep it all white, but the place does need a new painting."

"It´s settled then, I´ll help you. I finish work at two, so I have most of the afternoons free, apart from Wednesdays when I have singing and guitar lessons."

I arch an eyebrow, turn to look at her and she smiles. "Oh, so you´re a musician?"

"I try."

"I have friends in all different areas, I like this."

"Oh, so we are friends? You just met me, boy, how can you be sure I won´t kill you by the end of the night?"

I shrug, linking my arm with hers, "I´ll take my chances.

  
  
  



	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It´s Timothée´s first day in The Stuttgart Ballet Company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m loving to read all your thoughts (here and on tumblr) on the current situation of Armie and Timothée. Keep tham coming :)

Three days in and the apartment already looks like a home. In between dealing with some last minute paperwork at the academy and visiting the most important places in town, Charlotte and I managed to repaint the whole place, keeping the walls white but changing the bathroom door to black. Actually, much to my surprise the whole apartment now has this black and white duality; I think his apartment is stuck in my head in a way not even I expected it.

The kitchen counter was changed, I bought new stools and some shelves to put it above my new desk. The king size bed is right beside the windows, getting enough light so I can read and write without needing to get out of bed; beside it there's a big and comfortable armchair and a little coffee table. On the balcony I added a wooden table and chairs, along with some plants that require minimum attention.

Now we're sitting on the middle of the floor, music playing as we go through some of the posters and frames I bought, trying to decide which one fits better. My idea is to put them all above the bed, make a little wall of art just like he had on his apartment. Not because I want to feel like I am in it, but because that was one the things I liked the most about his place. I hear the doorbell ringing and look up, way too lazy to get up; Charlotte is faster than me though, she quickly gets up and rushes to the door, her German kicking in as she talks to the doorman.

I keep myself busy with my frames until she sits back down, holding a large package on her hand. I arch an eyebrow, slightly confused by it and take it in my hands, scanning the whole thing with close attention. I don't know anyone besides Charlotte here and I am sure no one from home sent me anything, so what the fuck is this?

I turn the package around, notice a little card attached to the right corner and rip it off. I let my eyes run through it and chuckle, shaking my head. Apparently Jack has reached out to Pauline, asked for my new address and sent me a little gift, which I can only assume it has something to do with his exhibition and the work we did together.

I rip off the package, smiling wide as I see a black and white version of my photo at the Brooklyn Bridge. Charlotte scoots closer, looks at it over my shoulder and gasps, completely surprised by the content. I notice there's another frame left and take it out, feeling my heart beat incredibly faster as I realize he has sent me a pair. One of me and one of Armie.

"Oh my God, those are beautiful. Who sent you?"

"My friend Jack, he's a photographer and decided to do a project about dance last year. He actually opened an exhibition in New York last month, it was truly amazing."

She takes both frames in her hands, completely bewildered by it and simply smiles. "Okay, this one is you, but who is the hottie on the other one? I mean, I can't see his face, but damn, boy seems like an amazing dish."

"That's Armie, my ex boyfriend."

"This is your ex boyfriend?" I nod and she looks at me wide eyed. "Jesus Christ, boy, tell me what you do to get yourself a man like this one. I can practically count the muscles in his back and leg."

"You'd love to see the real thing."

"I bet I would." She says with a laugh but then quickly goes silent. I sigh, rubbing my hands on my legs, fully aware she has noticed that something is not quite right. "You didn't like the gift?"

"I loved it, more than I should probably."

"I'm sorry to ask, but it seems like things didn't end very well between you two, right?"

"He was my ballet teacher," I say and watch as her mouth drops open in surprise. "I had a crush on him the moment I saw him, but I kept it to myself for as long as I could. Then things happened and we figured we both had feelings for one another, so we started dating and it was the most intense and incredible almost four months of my life. Until it ended in a matter of fifteen minutes or something."

"You guys broke up when classes ended?"

I get up, shake my head and head over to the kitchen, pouring myself some water. "Actually, me being here is the reason we broke up."

"He didn't want you to come? What an asshole."

"Ironically, it was the complete opposite."

"Aaaaand you lost me."

I chuckle, make my way back to the living room and sit down on the bed, staring down at Armie's photo. "After I got the call with the proposal, I didn't even give much thought, I would say no and stay in New York with him. He didn't want that, he wanted me to at least consider the idea of moving here, so he broke up with me, because then I wouldn't have him as a reason to stay."

"Ouch. Well, that's a tricky situation actually."

"Believe me, I know."

"I'm sorry to hear this, Tim. And you know, this is a stunning piece of art, but you can always give it back. Keep yours, give his away."

"No, I want it."

She arches an eyebrow, slightly confused. "You're actually gonna hang this on your wall?"

"Why not? I can move on, be happy again with someone else, but I am entirely sure that I will never forget him. He was my teacher, he taught me so much about ballet and then he was my lover, the man I still love more than anything in the world. My brain won't stop thinking about him, so keeping the photo won't really do any damage."

"If you say so."

I nod and reach for both frames, taking them with me as I climb on the bed. I place the frames side by side on the white wall, the black and white contrasts merging with the ones in the apartment. I jump to the floor, join Charlotte in the middle of the room and stare at it.

This place might be starting to feel like a home, but without him by my side, nothing will ever, truly be a home.

*******

 

The sun is already setting by the time I make it to the balcony, a large mug of hot coffee in my hands. I sit down on one of the wooden chairs and put my feet up the other, a sigh escaping me as I feel my body relax for the first time today. I have been working non stop on the apartment and now it's finally all done; every single plate, plant and poster is on its place and I can finally focus my mind on the big day.

Tomorrow morning I will actually be introduced to my new colleagues, start out with practices and get on with the new life style. Although Armie was a tough teacher, I am fully aware that this will be ten times more demanding than anything else; I need to focus, make sure my body is prepared and remember to keep myself centered. The last thing I want is to collapse again and end up going back to crazy routines and diets; not now that I have such a big opportunity ahead of me, not now that I don't have any of my friends beside me to support me.

I Iook around the city, watching how beautiful the sky is as the sun hides behind the tall buildings. I take a few sips of coffee, feeling my body warm up just as my phone starts buzzing on the table. I reach for it, see it's Ansel and hit answer as fast as I can, smiling as he and Sarah show up on the screen.

"Hey!!!"

"Hey guys, what you doing?"

"Just chilling. It's freezing here and a lot of things didn't open, so we are stuck home and we'll be watching movies for most of the day."

"And where's Olivia?"

"Cooking lunch," Sarah says while rolling her eyes. "And you know the girl, doesn't want any help whatsoever. I've been inside that kitchen three times already and she threatened to kick my ass all three times."

I chuckle, nodding my head. Olivia is the sweetest and most gentle person I know, but she changes completely when she is focused on her food.

"Oh, I've faced the wrath of chef Olivia a couple of times. It ain't pretty."

"Don't know why you two are complaining, I'm the one who lives with her."

"You chose that life, bro." I say with a smirk as Ansel gives me a look. "Anyway, how are you guys doing? Everything okay over there?"

Sarah nods. "Yep, things are going well. The bookstore's been a bit quiet, but it's mainly because of the cold. The moment it gets a bit better, things will be back to normal."

"And I am getting ready for my first day at Juilliard. Still hard to believe it's happening to be honest, but I'm excited for it."

"You'll do great, Ansel."

"I hope so," he says with a small smile. "What about you? When do you start?"

"Tomorrow is my first day, so I finished with the apartment today and now I'm resting a little bit because I need to be one hundred percent tomorrow."

"Have you been eating well?"

"Yes, Sarah, I have."

"And drinking lots of water?"

"Yes, mom."

"Don't mock me, okay? I am worried about you."

"I know that and I appreciate. But I have seriously been on my best behavior here, focusing on learning a few words of the language, getting to know the key places and just preparing my body for whatever may come."

"Good, I'm proud."

"I saw the photos of the apartment you sent, it's looking good." Ansel says and I can tell by his tone what is coming next. "Those photos on the wall did surprise me a bit."

"Ansel, I am not really in the mood to talk about that right now, okay? The photos are up on my wall and they will stay there, it's not gonna do me any harm."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I've thought a lot about what happened the last couple of weeks, and I decided that it's stupid to try to erase the importance of Armie in my life. He was my teacher, my mentor and the man I loved, the impact of those things will be with me forever, so instead of fighting them, I'll let them inside me. I will work on moving on, though, because I know crying about it won't solve anything."

Sarah nods, but arches an eyebrow. "Does that mean you're back on the market already? Trying to score some boys like you used to?"

"No, not yet." They look at each other, knowing looks that make me roll my eyes. "I can see you guys, okay? And what I mean by that is that I will eventually go out with someone, but right now that is not my priority."

"Well, I'll support whatever you choose, as long as it makes you happy."

"Thank you, Sarah."

Ansel keeps himself quiet, me and Sarah staring at him. "What do you want me to say? That I look forward to seeing you with someone else? I still think you and Armie could have found a way to make things work, but yeah, if you are happy then I'll be happy."

"Thanks."

"Anyway, tell me what you're enjoying the most so far?"

********

It's nearly three in the morning and I am lying awake in bed, millions of thoughts going through my head as I stare at the ceiling. There's a mix of excitement and fear inside of me, a restlessness that I have never felt before and although talking with Ansel, Olivia and Sarah did help in some way, I still can't shake this feeling off of me.

I reach for my phone, scroll through my Instagram feed and then my messages, replying to some things although I know I should be trying to get some sleep. Without thinking, I click on his name and watch as the cursor blinks away, waiting for me to write something.

_ I love you  _ is the last message he sent me and I can feel my eyes watering as I stare at it. It's been almost a month since we broke up and yet the simple thought of him still brings shivers down my spine, and every time I remember his touch and his soft lips on mine, I can feel my legs get weak and my heart beating faster.

With a sigh, I sit down on the bed, stare at his photo on the wall and debate on whether or not to take it off. Ansel and Charlotte think it would be a good idea, while Olivia and Sarah agreed with me that a photo won't do me any harm. Moving on is a hard job, it takes time and patience, but erasing our past and the good memories ain't the right way to so so.

My phone vibrates and I look down at it, for a moment thinking it might be him sending me a text. I roll my eyes when I realize it's Sarah, telling me to get my ass to bed or else I'll be too tired tomorrow. Knowing she is right, I lock my phone, throw it on the armchair and lie back in bed, pulling the blankets on top of me. 

 

******

 

I stand in front of the building in complete awe. Years of ballet classes, hard work and some mistakes finally paying off; I was one step away from entering one of the most prestigious ballet companies in the world and I had gotten here based solely on my talent. Getting into Juilliard had always been a dream and at first the idea of skipping that seemed almost like I was betraying myself; now I understand this is not a betrayal, it´s accepting all the possibilities life has in store for me.

With shaky legs and sweaty hands, I make my way inside the building, my eyes wandering to every detail I can find, memorizing everything about what´s gonna be my new home for at least one entire year. My heart is pounding on my chest, a thrill that consumes me in ways I couldn´t have expected, but that makes me smile wide. I fix the strap on my bag, check all the signs and warnings and then make my way down a large and bright corridor.

I reach the room I´m supposed to go in, but I stand by the door for a moment, silently observing the people inside. Different ethnics, languages and cultures, all coming together in name of their love for ballet; this is the place where I belong, the environment I have always wanted to be in. It really doesn´t take long for me to realize this is the happiest I have been in weeks.

I spot an empty corner and quickly make my way over to it, dropping my bag and sitting on the ground. I trade my Converse for my ballet shoes, stretch out my arms and legs and then rotate my shoulders, trying to get my body ready for whatever might come my way in the next few minutes. I close my eyes to try and relax, take a couple of deep breaths, but I can instantly feel eyes on me; a kind of constant stare that always leaves you a bit uneasy and unsure of what to do.

When I finally open my eyes, it doesn´t take me long to notice the source of such stare. Across the room, a guy stares at me; he is in all black, his sleeveless shirt displaying his muscular and tanned arms, his hair stylishly disheveled and his eyes a deep blue. He is one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen in my life.

He smiles at me and I quickly turn around, focusing my eyes on my shoes. Luckily for me, before I can dwell much on this, a woman on her mid thirties walks in the room, gathering everyone´s attention right away. 

“Hallo. Ich heisse Frau Schiller und freue mich, Sie bei Das Stuttgarter Ballett zu treffen.” She has a small smile on her lips, but her eyes are kind and welcoming. "We´re really glad to have you all here for the mid season, we look forward to bringing to life the amazing material we have prepared with your help and talent. This year is kind of a historical one for us, since it marks the year with the biggest number of international new members to our company; we have people from New York, São Paulo, Barcelona, London, Egypt, among others and we are ready to make sure you all have a wonderful time here, preferably without any problems."

Frau Schiller keeps on talking and despite something inside of me telling me I shouldn´t do this, I look to my side and easily spot him standing across the room. He´s serious, arms crossed against his chest as he carefully listens to what Frau Schiller has to say; I can´t help but stare at him for a while, appreciating his beauty until the moment he turns to the side and catches my eyes. 

I feel my entire body freeze as I realize he is looking back at me and when he chuckles, I can´t help but smile a little. I bite on my lip, turn back to Frau Schiller and close my eyes for a second, trying to simply erase whatever had just happened.

This is not why I am here.

 

*****

 

I tap my foot to the beat of the song, my fingers drumming on the table as I take a bite of yet another currywurst. Charlotte is sitting across from me on the table, a wide smile on her face as she sings along to the band. We´ve been sitting here for a while now, talking about random stuff, having some snacks and enjoy the music, which is actually good tonight.

Charlotte finishes her beer, turns around and leans on the table, so she´s closer to me. "So, are you gonna tell me exactly how it was today? Was it as nerve wracking as you expected or it turned out to be a much more relaxed kind of thing?"

"Both, I guess." She arches an eyebrow and I chuckle. "Being there for the first time, walking those hallways and the anticipation for it was quite daunting; but when I was inside the room, with all those people who simply love ballet, it all went away and I was left feeling happy. Like I had found my place in the world."

"Does that mean you´re now a bit more confident with your decision to come here?"

"Yes, actually. At first coming here was a way I found to run away from the pain I was feeling and to stay away from Armie, but as the days go by, I can see that I did the right thing. I did what was best for my life and my career and I´m happy with it. Do I still wish things had happened differently? Yes, but I´m learning how to deal with it, which is already an improvement."

Charlotte smiles, reaches out for me and takes my hands in hers. "I´m so glad to hear this, Tim. I know we´ve known each other for a total of four days, but I can tell how hurt you were by everything that happened to you and honestly, I can already see a different glow in your eyes. Based on my own experiences, I know it´s gonna take a while until you´re back to your old self, but just take your time and everything will be alright."

"That´s another thing. I´ve been telling myself that I will get back to my old self soon enough, but there´s no such thing; I will never be the same Timothée I was before everything happened, but I will be a new version of that Timothée and hopefully that version is a better one than the last."

"I´m sure the last one was a good one, but I can´t wait to see the new."

I kiss her hand and then smile at her. "I´m really grateful for finding you, Charlotte. Without Ansel here for me to talk to, everything feels a lot bigger and scarier, but it´s nice to have someone like you to run to."

"Oh, I´m in Ansel level of friendship already?"

"You wish." She rolls her eyes and I chuckle, getting up and pointing to our empty beer bottles. "I´m gonna get myself another one. Do you want?"

"Yes, please."

"I´ll be back in a second." I make my way to the bar, dodging drunk and dancing people, and take a seat at one of the empty stools, waving at the bartender and smiling slightly as he approaches me. "Zwei biere, bitte."

He nods and walks away from me as I sit there, tapping on the wooden counter as I wait.

"Zwei biere? Habe ich meine Chance schon verpasst?"

Confused, I look to my side, only to be face to face with the mysterious brunette from this morning. I stare at him for a couple of seconds, kind of lost in his beauty, until I actually process the fact he was talking to me.

"Sorry, I don´t know much of German."

"I had a feeling you were not German, but decided to take my chances anyway," he says and points to the stool as if asking me permission to sit down; I nod and he quickly hops on it, his body turned towards me and his arm resting on the counter. 

"Is it that obvious I am not German?"

"A little bit, yes."

"And here I was, thinking I was doing a good job fitting in with the crowd."

"Hard to, you seem like the kind of person who stands out no matter where you are." I can feel my cheeks starting to burn a little and I am suddenly happy at how dark this place is, or else he would have quickly noticed me blushing. "I saw you dancing today and I have to say, you´re amazing."

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me." We stare at each other for a second and then he leans a bit closer to me. "Also, wanted to let you know that if you ever need anything, don´t hesitate on asking me, okay? I´m willing to help with anything you might need."

I easily see the double meaning of his words, but the bartender walks over to me before I can even think of saying anything. I thank him, give the mysterious brunette a small smile and get up from my stool; I take a couple to steps in Charlotte´s direction, see her talking with some random guy and bite on my lip. I look at the beers in my hand, then back at the bar, where the brunette is still sitting and walk back, sitting back on the stool as he looks at me with an eyebrow arched. 

"Since you´re so willing to help me, wanna start out with this?" I ask while sliding one of the bottles into his direction.

"I´d love to," he says with a smirk as he reaches for the beer. "I´m Jannik, by the way."

"Timothée."

  
  



	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée struggles with what he actually wants for his life right now

The band has finished its set and now a selection of 90's rock plays as I sit down by the bar, finishing my third beer of the night and laughing at another one of Jannik's stories. He has kind blue eyes, his jaw clenches a bit when he gets too excited and starts talking a bit too fast and judging by how it felt when he briefly touched my hand, he's warm. It feels nice to talk to him, even though we have just actually met about four hours ago, I find it easy to not only listen but share some stuff too.

I feel my phone buzz on my pocket and pick it up, seeing a message from Pauline, but choosing to ignore. The time though, I can't ignore; it's nearly three in the morning and I have to be up at seven tomorrow if I want to make it to the academy in time, so I better rush back home and try to get some sleep. And he should do the same too.

"Everything alright," he asks as I look back up.

"Yeah, but I should probably get home."

"Already?"

I chuckle, finish my beer and then get up. "It's nearly 3am, Jannik. And we both need to be up early tomorrow, so I suggest you also get home."

"Then I'll walk you to your place," he says as he grabs his jacket and hops off of the stool. "Unless you don't want to, of course."

I stare at him for a second, my eyes wandering through his face, watching as his expression changes from hopeful to scared. I bite on my lip, thinking about my current situation and what exactly this might entail. I don't want to give him any false hopes, but a few more minutes hanging out won't kill anyone.

"Yes, you can come."

"Lead the way." I nod and put on my jacket, heading out of the bar as he follows close behind. "Didn't you come with a friend? Is she okay being left alone?"

"Charlotte? She left about an hour ago, found herself a 6'7 dude and didn't think twice before leaving with him."

"Smart girl."

I chuckle and shrug my shoulder, gesturing down the right as he nods. We walk side by side, with no rush, talking but also enjoying little moments of silence. He tells me a bit more about his process into getting to the academy, how much pressure he put himself too and I feel relieved talking to someone who went through the same pressure as I did. Not that  _ he  _ didn't understand, because he did, but....

_ Are you really gonna think about Armie when you're out in Stuttgart with this gorgeous man by your side? C'mon man, don't be stupid. _

I sigh as we reach my building and he stops by my side, looking up at it and then back at me, a small smile on his face.

"You got yourself a nice place, close to everything."

"So I've been told."

He chuckles and licks his lips, his blue eyes intensely staring into mine as he leans in. It's not like I didn't anticipate this would happen, because I did, but I can't help but freak out for a second. Do I push him away? Do I let him kiss me even though I am not entirely sure this is what I want?

"Jannik..." He stops and looks me in the eye, a calm and understanding expression upon his face. "I'm sorry, but I've just got out of a relationship, one which was very intense and meaningful to me. I am not ready to jump into anything right now, not even something casual."

"It's okay, I get it."

"Thanks."

I must be blushing or something, because he chuckles and pinches my cheek. "You're cute. Like insanely cute and handsome, but if you're not ready for anything than that's okay." He leans in, places a kiss on my cheek and then winks as he starts taking a few steps back. "Good night, Timothée. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night, Jannik."

******

"I'm sorry, you did what?" I furrow my eyebrows, shrugging my shoulders as Charlotte looks around and then slides into the booth too, sitting across from me. "You turned him down? What the fuck is wrong with you, boy?"

"There's nothing wrong with me, Lotte."

"Did you take a good look at that boy? He was fucking gorgeous, those blue eyes and that jaw? Fucking hell, I would have slept with him."

"Judging by what he said, he is gay, but I can always ask."

"Funny."

I sigh, shaking my head as I lean closer to her. "Lotte, it's been only a month since Armie and I broke up. I know a lot of things have happened and my life kind of took a turn, but I am not ready to jump into a relationship right now."

"Who's saying anything about a relationship? I'm talking about a kiss or two, seeing if there's any spark or not."

"Charlotte..."

"Tim, I know you're still in love with Armie and that you won't forget him so easily. He was an extremely important part of your life, your relationship was short but intense, but if you're really gonna try to move on, then you should try to meet new people. And I'm not telling you to have sex with the guy or anything, you can just hang out and try a kiss or two."

"That seems like playing with someone else's feelings."

"Not if you actually tell him the truth, you won't be forcing him to do anything."

"I don't think that's me. I rather deal with this breakup my way and then when I actually feel like going out with someone else, I'll do it."

"If you say so."

"Charlotte! Sie werden für die Arbeit bezahlt, nicht mit Kunden zu sprechen!"

Charlotte sighs and then looks back at me with a small smile. "I have to go now, but if you want we can talk about this later."

"No, it's okay."

"Meaning you will call your friend Ansel and discuss the situation with him now. Right?"

I chuckle, shrugging my shoulders. "Maybe."

"You do that." She winks and get up, but leans back down before she can get any further. "Just so you know, no one will judge you for moving on, okay? Each person has a different way to do things, some rather stay alone for months before actually going out with someone new, others find it easier to do it by going out with different people, some people take long trips or just focus on work and themselves. Whatever you decide to do, it's okay and I'll support you."

"Thanks, Lotte."

"But let that guy go is a waste of time."

"Just go, okay? Go go go." She laugh and turns around, her blonde and shiny hair bouncing from side to side as she runs to the balcon.

********

"....so I'm always tired."

"But you're enjoying it, right?"

"Of course I am enjoying, I've wanted this for my entire life. But I've been told the first few days are the worse, it will take some time until my body and mind gets used to the new routine."

"Armie used to....", I sigh and bang my head back on the wall, my eyes wandering around the hallways. Jannik is standing on the other side, talking and laughing with a group of people; I stare at him for a moment and then bite on my lip as he catches me staring and waves. I wave back, my cheeks burning a little bit and quickly turn to the other side, avoiding any eye contact with him.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Ansel groans loud and I chuckle. "You know you are allowed to say his name, right? It's not gonna change the situation or your feelings towards him."

"I know that."

"Than why you avoid it? Didn't you say it's best to accept that you guys that had an amazing relationship while it lasted, that you might eventually move on, but that he will always be an important part of your life?"

"That's what I am trying to do, Ansel."

"I'm sorry, but to me it seems like you're still trying to suppress those memories instead of seeing them as a great moment of your life."

"Is a bit hard to see it that way when you wish that moment hadn't ended. But you're in a perfect relationship, so you don't really understand that, do you?"

"My relationship with Olivia is nowhere near perfect and you know that better than anyone. Timothée, you're like a brother to me and all I want is for you to be happy. I know it's only been a month, that you're still in pain, but I can't wait until you are actually happy with the other aspects of your life, not only your career."

I close my eyes for a second, inhale deeply and then slowly let it out. If Ansel only knew how much I crave for the exact same as he does; feel happy and complete in all aspects of my life, look at my recent past as something to be cherished and actually move on with my life. But as much as I try, it seems like this won't be happening any time soon.

"And I lost you again."

"Sorry, but you know how I trail off sometimes."

"Oh yeah, I know it way too well. Normally it means you're overthinking, though."

"I was, but please don't worry about it." I sigh again, watching from the corner of my eyes as Jannik approaches me. "You are right, you know? About the whole moving on thing and cherishing the memories, but I think it will take a little longer than I ever anticipated."

"Take your time, bro. And I am sorry if it seemed like I was pushing you."

"You were not, you were just worried. I have to go now, Ansel."

"You go, I'm gonna go get some sleep and prepare myself for tomorrow."

"Bye," I say before hanging up the phone. Jannik leans on the wall beside me just a second later, his blue eyes on me instantly. "Hello."

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"A little tired to be honest, it's been an intense week for me."

He nods, then turns his body in my direction. "In this case, what you say we go out tonight and have some fun? It's Friday, we deserve it."

"Jannik, I told you...."

"That you just got out of a relationship and you are not looking for anything right now. I get it, you don't have to worry about that. Doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?"

"Right."

"So, what you say?"

"I'll think about it, okay?"

He sighs, but then smiles at me while nodding. "Okay, I'll be waiting."

******

I sit in front of the computer, legs up on the chair and light blanket wrapped around me while I finish watching a movie. I take a few sips of my tea as the credits roll and then sigh, taking a quick look at my Facebook. It's Friday, the sun had just set and the building is mostly quiet, while outside life goes wild.

I text Charlotte, ask if she feels like going out, but get nothing in return, which honestly kills the very little interest I had in actually getting out. I sigh, get up and leave the mug on the kitchen sink before getting in the shower. I let the warm water hit my body, relaxing my muscles and my mind.

When I finally make it out and put on my sweatpants and sweater, I hear the buzzer go off. Confused, I make my way to the door and answer it, hearing the now kind of unforgettable voice come in through the speaker.

"Jannik? What are you doing here?"

"I came here to take you out for the night."

"Jannik, I am not sure you..."

"I get it, Timothée, you don't want anything to do with me. I'm not asking for a relationship, I'm not even asking for a fuck, I just want us to go out and have some fun, get a couple of drinks. You'll be here for a while, I'm sure you could use more than one friend."

I chuckle, my eyes wandering around the apartment as he goes silent. I could really use more than one friend and even though we only know each other for like two days, Jannik does seem like a great guy. It won't kill me to spend some time with him.

"Do you plan on answering me, or you're gonna let me freeze to death so you won't have to deal with me ever again?"

"Give me five minutes, okay?"

"All the time you want."

"Five is all I need. Care to tell me where we're going?"

"That's a surprise."

"I'll be there in a moment."

*******

"...but I guess that wasn't exactly a surprise."

It was a quiet, fun and interesting night to say the least. Jannik took me to his favorite restaurant, which was a very fun and slightly odd Brazilian themed place, with lots of food and nice drinks. He told me a bit more about his life, his parents and sister; while I tried to give a brief explanation of why I wasn't into any sort of relationship right now, how hurt I've been lately and that it would take me awhile to get back into dating.

"Are you even listening to me right now?"

I look over at Jannik, my eyes wide with embarrassment as he chuckles. "I'm so so sorry, Jannik. I didn't mean to do this, but sometimes I get completely lost in my thoughts and forget everything around me."

"Okay, I will keep that in mind for the future."

"I'm truly sorry, it wasn't my intention at all."

"It's okay, don't worry too much about it."

I sigh and then realize we are already by my building. I stop by the steps, turn to look at Jannik and smile at him, who tucks his hands in his jeans as he looks at me.

"I had a great time tonight, you know. It was nice to go out and meet new places, see more of the city and be with you."

"I'm happy to know you enjoy my company, Timothée. Maybe we can actually do this more often."

"I'd actually really like that."

"Great," he says with a wide smile. He stands his hand out for me and I chuckle while shaking it, knowing he is trying to be polite and not cross any boundaries. "I'll see you Monday morning then. Good night."

"Good night," I say softly as he takes a few steps back and turns around. I sigh, bite on my lip and replay every single bit of the conversations I had with Ansel and Charlotte. My mind races, my hands shake a little and I have to take a deep and long breath before doing anything, but I walk over to him, grab his arm and turn him around, watching as he looks at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's okay."

He's clearly confused for a moment, but then realization seems to hit him and he smiles while pulling me closer. His hand slide to my face, his thumb rubs my cheek and when his lips find mine, they feel soft and warm. The kiss is slow, almost as if we're testing waters, making sure it feels good or right.

Weirdly enough, it does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m ready for the death threats....


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time goes by....

My head is thrown back, a hand firmly holding onto the bedpost while the other rests on the bed; my body moves slowly, my hips going back and forth while sweat drips down my back. I gasp, my face hot and my body trembling slightly every time he hits my spot; I let my hand run down his body, feeling every single muscle against my palm and biting on my lip as I look down at him and see his lustful eyes staring straight into me.

Jannik´s whole body is glistening with sweat, his mouth agape, a blissful look on his eyes and his cheeks blushing on a deep crimson. He has a hand on my thigh, rubbing it tenderly and sinking his nails into the tender flesh from time to time; his other hand travels from my hair to my chest and my nipples, rubbing them slowly.

He starts moving faster, thrusting into me with force and I meet his thrusts, my back arching as we both let our moans fill the room. My cock starts leaking, shivers running down my spine just as I feel Jannik´s cock start to throb inside of me and his breathing get a bit messier, a clear indicate that he is about to come. 

Jannik pulls his dick out, smirking at me when he hears me whimper in complaint, takes the condom off and slams our cocks together, rubbing it furiously until the both of us explode and our cum coasts his hand and stomach. He lets out a loud sigh, closes his eyes and smiles wide, feeling the pos-orgasmic bliss take him over.

My legs and arms tremble, my breathing is laboured and I throw myself on the bed, burying my face in the pillow. I can hear Jannik chuckling and then he scoots closer to me, his lips leaving soft kisses on my shoulder. I feel his finger trace my body all the way from my knee to my hair, making sure to slap my ass on his way up. I squirm a little and let out a moan as he strokes my hair, buries his face in my neck and starts sucking on it.

He presses his body closer to mine and I can feel his cock starting to get hard again; I´m not gonna lie, mine is already doing the exact same thing right now. I turn to face him, stare into his deep blue eyes for a moment and then pull him for a deep kiss; his large hand holds onto my waist, he hooks his leg over mine and rolls us over. Jannik hovers over me, his lips leaving kisses down my neck as his cock presses against mine; he knots his fingers on my curls, kisses me once again and I wrap my arms around his body, keeping him close.

"I could do this all day, you know." He whispers on my ear and I can´t help but chuckle.

"It sure would make life a lot easier," I say as he buries his face on my neck, his hands roaming through my body. "Sadly, that´s not actually an available option."

"Who says it´s not?" He looks up, pecks my lips and then takes my hand in his as he gets up. "It´s Saturday, none of us really has anything to do, so I don´t see why we have to do anything other than what we are doing it right now."

I follow Jannik to the bathroom, watching as he turns on the shower and pulls me with him. The warm water cascades on us both, his lips on mine seconds later and his hand back to my cock, rubbing it slowly. 

"You´re insatiable today," I say while pulling on his face and making him face me. 

"The effects you have on me, Tim."

I smirk and turn him around, pressing his body against the tiled wall as my hand finds his ass. I start teasing him, my fingers probing his hole as my lips find place in his neck, sucking hard on it as he moans my name.

He leans his head back on my shoulder, grabs onto my hair and pushes his ass so he´s rubbing against my cock; I whisper on his ear, listen to him groan and then slowly let my cock enter him.

 

********

 

"About the whole staying in thing, are you in for it?"

Jannik shouts from the kitchen, his voice changing a bit as he speaks in German. That's quite a common thing he does when he is doing two things at the same time; at first I thought it was weird and slightly funny, now I barely give any thought to it. I've grown used to the whole thing, as I'm sure he has also grown used to so many of my weird behavior.

I put on my sweater as I make my way out of the bedroom and down the hallway, joining him on the kitchen, where he is finishing breakfast. I say breakfast, but it's really just some old bread turned into toast and coffee. But hey, at least the coffee is fresh.

He places the coffee pot on the counter along with two mugs and then wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him and backing me up on the counter. I smile as he pushes some of my hair back, leans closer to me and pecks my lips, his hands sliding down my hips.

"So, you're staying?"

"Sadly, I can't." I push him away from me, sit on the stool and reach for a mug, pouring myself some coffee as he takes a sit across from me.

"And why is that?"

"I have plans with Lotte today, Jannik."

"You see her every single day, Tim. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you cancelled one day."

"I see you every single day too." He sighs and nods his head, taking a few sips of his coffee as I bite on my lip. He is right, Charlotte wouldn't mind me cancelling our shopping day to stay with him, but I know staying here also has a bunch of other implications and I am not sure I want to deal with them right now. "We can hang out tonight, okay? We could get some drinks, then head over to my place, maybe a watch a movie or something. It will be fun."

"Sure. Why not?"

I try to ignore his mood, knowing well enough that nothing I say right now will actually please him. We finish breakfast mostly in silence, a couple words here and there, but nothing that will actually stuck in our heads for longer than a few minutes. I help him with the dishes, then quickly make a pit stop at the bathroom before grabbing my phone and wallet, shoving it on my jean pockets along with my keys.

I put on my boots, grab my coat and watch as Jannik stands by the counter, his hand stuck in his sweatpants pockets and an annoyed look on his face. He's kind of cute when he's like this, I have to admit. I walk to him, run my fingers through his hair and pull him close to me, the little annoyed look on his face easily turning into an amused and thrilled one.

"I know you wanted a day in, but you also know I'm not the kind of guy who cancels with my friends...especially over guys. But, I promise I'll make it up to you tonight, okay? We'll do whatever you want."

He smirks, an eyebrow arched as his finger traces my lip. "Whatever I want? Are you sure you want to make that promise, Mr. Chalamet?"

"I'm willing to take the risks."

"I'll be looking forward for tonight then." He says before kissing me softly. "I'll buy some food, meet you at your place around 7pm?"

"That's fine by me." I wink at him, try to step back, but he keeps me close and kisses me again, this time a lot harder. His hand moves down my body and to my cock, which he squeezes it softly, causing a moan to escape me. "Goodbye, Jannik."

He chuckles, bites on his lips and leans against the counter as he watches me walk to the door. "Goodbye, Timothée."

*******

I button up my coat and fix the scarf around my neck as I walk down the still quiet streets. It's an extremely cold Saturday morning, a little bit of snow falling and most people out are workers, who have to brave the weather no matter what. I fix my gloves, stuck my hands in my pockets and take a look around me, enjoying the quietness until my phone vibrates in my pocket.

"Ansel, it's 4am over there, why the hell are you calling me?"

"I know what time is it, Timothée. But I just made it back from the hospital with Olivia and thought I'd give you a call."

I stop the moment he says hospital, a chill running down my spine. "Hospital? Did something happen with Olivia or the baby?"

"No, they are both fine. She was in a little bit of pain and we thought it would be better to get her to a hospital, they run some quick tests but it was nothing to worry about. We're back home and she's already asleep."

"Oh, you scared me for a moment."

"Sorry, I didn't meant to." I hear him yawn as well as the sound of water; he's probably making himself something to eat. "How are things going over there? Too much dancing?"

"Yes, but I can't really complain. It's intense, but everything I have always wanted in life, so I'm happy."

"That's good. How about your boyfriend, how's he going?"

I roll my eyes, not really in the mood to have this conversation right now, but full aware Ansel is not Charlotte, he won't let it go simply because the subject annoys me.

"He's not my boyfriend, Ansel, I've told you that a million times."

"Of course, how could I make such a mistake. He's not your boyfriend, just the guy you've been using to satisfy your needs and suppress the pain you still feel for not being with you know who."

"Seriously? You called me for that?" I groan, crossing the street and rushing into my building. "Ansel, I have told you a thousand times that Jannik and I have an agreement. We're just friends, who happen to have sex from time to time, that's all."

"You and I are friends, Timothée. Jannik is the guy you decided to use and you've been doing it for an entire year now."

I slam the door shut behind me, kick off my boots and take off my scarf and coat before throwing myself on the bed. "Stop saying I am using him, you make it sound like I am some jerk, who has no respect for other people's feelings."

"Tim, you're like a brother to me, you know I love you, but that's exactly who you are when it comes to Jannik. You know damn well that this guy is in love with you, you know he wants something more and yet you keep leading him on."

"That's absolutely not true," I sit down on the bed, lean against the bedpost and stare out the window. "I've told him since day one that I didn't want a boyfriend or any commitment. We both agree that we are allowed to go out with other people, do whatever we want to do with our lives."

"And how many guys has Jannik went out with since he met you last year, Tim?"

"I have absolutely no idea and that's really not my problem."

"Yes, it is and the sooner you realize how much of a jerk you're being to this guy, the sooner you'll revert the situation." I close my eyes, count to ten and then let out a sigh. On the other side of the line I can hear movement and the faint sound of Olivia's voice. "Look, you're a great guy and I know that deep down you actually like and care about Jannik, so listen to me, okay? Talk to him, explain once again that you might like him, but not enough to actually be in a relationship with him and no matter how great sex might be, it's not worth to destroy what could possibly be a great and true friendship."

I blink a couple of times, my eyes staring to the wall ahead of me as I keep replaying his words over and over again. A part of me knows he is right, that whatever I have going on with Jannik doesn't actually have a future and that in the end he might get out of this hurt. But then there's this part of me who fears not having someone close to me, someone I can run to when in need, someone who actually has feelings for me.

"Tim?"

"How's Sarah? Have you talked to her recently?" I hear him sigh, but try not to think too much about it. "I texted her the other day, but she hasn't answered me yet."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"How is Sarah, Ansel?"

"For fuck's sake, you're unbelievable," he mumbles before taking a deep breath. "She's doing fine, she's on a cruise with her boyfriend, they are going all the way to Hawaii."

"That's nice, I'm happy for her."

"Yeah, she was in need after the craziness that was that bookstore at the end of the year. Seems like everyone decided to gift books."

"December was always a crazy month on that place. Have you seen Pauline?"

"Yeah, I was at the coffee shop with....," he trails off, which makes me arch an eyebrow in confusion; then I hear him cough, a fake and quite terrible one I might add, before he gets back to what he was saying. "Anyway, I was at the coffee shop the other day and she showed up, she sat down and we chatted a little bit."

"Who were you in the coffee shop with, Ansel?"

"Matt and Paul. They said they would love to hear from you, by the way. Maybe when you finally decide to visit us here, we can all hang out together."

"Yeah, that would be a good idea."

"Look, Olivia woke up and I have to get some tea to her. Maybe we can talk again later today, is that alright?"

"Yeah, that's alright."

"Good, I'll call you in the afternoon."

"Tell Olivia I sent her a hug and that I miss her and can't wait to actually see the bump."

"I'll do it."

He hangs up and I am left a confused mess. His voice was way too pitched, the fake cough couldn't fool even someone who just met him. There was no way he was in that coffee shop with Matt and Paul, but then again, I highly doubt he wound feel the need to lie to me.

Unless he was there with  _ him. _

"Stop over thinking, Timothée," I say it to myself as I get up from the bed and walk to my closet.

 

******

 

"Sorry, I know I'm late." I say as I slide to the chair across from Charlotte, who looks up from her phone with a sympathetic smile on her face. "I end up falling asleep, and when I was about to leave the doorman decided it was a good time to talk about how his kid loves ballet and was wondering if I could ever get him a ticket and..."

She chuckles, places the phone down and grabs my hand. "No need to apologize, Tim. I understand Jannik must have given him you quite the workout and you end up a bit too tired, totally normal."

I laugh and she winks at me. I reach for the menu and start going through the pages just as a waiter approaches our table, placing two glasses on the table. I arch an eyebrow, looking at Charlotte slightly confused and she simply shrugs.

"Bitte," she says sweetly to the waiter and waits for him to walk away before she can turn back to me. "He asked if I wanted to order something and I know you love your ice tea, even on winter, so decided to order one."

"I was already late, why are you ordering me drinks?"

"Because sometimes you're late, but you're never  _ too  _ late. Now drink you tea and stop annoying me."

I chuckle and turn my eyes back to the menu, my finger sliding down the pages as I try to decide what I want to eat. "So, what exactly are you in search for today?"

"I have a fancy family dinner on Monday night and I am in desperate need of a dress. Thought you'd be the perfect person to help me with this."

"I better be, Jannik didn't like the fact I ditched him to be with you for the day."

"Well if you had told me you wanted to be with him, I'd have understood." I nod my head and look at her when she remains in silent for a few seconds. "You can go back to his place after lunch, you know? I won't be mad."

"I know you wouldn't care, Lotte, but you know by now what being at Jannik's and being all domestic only leaves him wanting more and I can't lead him on like this."

"You'll probably hate me for this, but you know you're already leading him on, right?"

"Oh please, not you too." She arches an eyebrow and I sigh, leaning back on my seat as I take a few sips of my tea. "I talked to Ansel earlier and he already gave me a huge lecture on how much of a jerk I am being to Jannik."

"Good, so now hear me out. I know for a fact that deep down you like Jannik; you're nowhere close to being in love with him or anything, that's for sure, but you still care about him so I beg you to do the right thing. Either talk to him and end this for good, or give him a chance and try to build a relationship."

I stare at her for a moment, unsure of what to do or say right now. I do like Jannik, he's sweet and intelligent, hot and cares about me; but the thought of committing myself to anyone seems so fucking scary. 

"Timothée?"

"I really appreciate what you guys are trying to do and how much you care about me, but right now I need to do things my own way. What I have with Jannik is fine the way it is and even if it wasn't, we can deal with it ourselves."

She nods, a serious look on her face. "If you say so."

"So, what kind of dress are you looking for exactly?"

Charlotte stares at me for a moment and then shakes her head, a small laugh escaping her. "You're very good at getting out of a subject, Chalamet."

"I've been mastering that skill for a few years now," I say with a chuckle. "But seriously, what you're looking for exactly?"

"Well, I got some ideas and...."

******

I close the lid of my computer and let out a yawn, leaning back on the chair as I close my eyes for a second. I inhale deeply, spin around in the chair and bite on my lip as my eyes land on the two frames above the bed. It's nearly impossible for me to look at those photos and not remember the day of my photoshoot with Jake, how proud  _ he  _ seemed to be as his friend snapped pictures of me. Then there's  _ his  _ photo, the lighting seeming to highlight every single muscle of his body and the grace he could convey in his movements, which was something that could still move me to tears.

I remember the first time Jannik slept here, I woke up in the middle of the night to him sitting on the floor, a bowl of pistachios beside him and a few papers on his lap as he actually did a few sketches based on the photo. I freaked out, of course, kind of overwhelmed to have the guy I was hooking up drawing my ex. Until this day, Jannik has absolutely no idea who is the man on the frame and I plan on keeping things this way.

I look over at the clock, it's nearly 7pm and Jannik will be here at any moment. I thought a lot about him this afternoon, reminiscing about all the good moments we have shared the last year; we laughed a lot, watched loads of movies and spent hours discussing art and books. From the first week I was sure he was in love with me and although I am not sure if I will ever feel the same, Charlotte's words couldn't leave my head.

_ Either talk to him and end this for good, or give him a chance and try to build a relationship. _

Try to build a relationship. That's not the first time I've heard this advice. Olivia and Sarah have told me more than once throughout the last year, but being the stubborn man I am, I chose to simply forget about it and go on with life the way it was. To be fair, I have absolutely no idea why suddenly I am even pondering such a thing. Maybe I did realized I was being a jerk, or deep inside I'm just scared of being alone.

The knock on the door startles me and I stare at it for a while in complete silence. I shake off the confusion, get up and drag myself to the door, smiling as I see a super excited Jannik standing there.

"What's with all the bags?" I ask a bit confused as I notice how much he has on his hands.

He kisses me quickly, walks past me and goes straight to the kitchen. "I know I said I was buying dinner, but then I thought of doing something different. So I brought all the ingredients and will cook you some of my family's receipts. I'm sure you'll love it."

I watch him from the door, my mind going on overdrive as I replay both Ansel and Charlotte's words, remember about all the pain I was feeling this time last year and all the good times with Jannik. Maybe giving him a chance isn't such a bad idea.

_ Yes, it is. Diving into a relationship with him now will only lead to drama, so don't be stupid and choose the other option. _

I shake my head, walk over to the kitchen and lean against the counter, a smile on my face as he turns to look at me, an eyebrow arched.

"What? Why you're looking at me like this?"

_ Don't do it, you idiot. Don't fucking do it. _

"Jannik, I need to talk to you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it all seems dark and sad right now, but the light comes back next chapter.


	56. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While trying his best to make the new relationship with Jannik work, Timothée has to deal with an unexpected appearance.

"Jannik, I need to talk to you."

The words leave my mouth almost in a whisper, his blue eyes locked on me. I smile, take his hand in mine and entwine our fingers together, which makes him smile; this is one of those things I have never really done with him, thinking it made us look too much like an actual couple. Clearly he notices this act means some kind of shift in our relationship, but he remains quiet, his curious eyes searching for some kind of answer on my face.

"I've been thinking a lot about us, about how good things always went between us. We understand each other, we can make each other laugh and I know you deeply care about me."

"I don't care about you, Timothée. I love you and you know that."

I nod, although hearing him say those words leave me a bit uneasy. "I know that and you know that I don't actually feel the same, although I like you a lot."

"I never asked you to feel the same."

"I know, but like I said, I have been thinking about us a lot lately and I've come to the conclusion that there's no reason to deny that after a whole year we are more than just friends." Jannik keeps himself quiet, but I can tell my the way his grip tightens around my fingers that he's tense. "So I thought that if you want, we could actually try a relationship."

"I don't get it. What changed your mind?"

"Thinking of me and you, thinking of us and everything that happened the last year." That's technically not true, but the only way he will ever figure that out is if I tell him, so I'll take my chances. "I still don't want us to go too fast too soon, so maybe we could view this as a trial of some sorts?"

He chuckles, untagles his fingers from mine and cradles my face. He leans our foreheads together, his thumbs rubbing against my cheeks as he speaks in the sweetest voice ever. "I'll make you the happiest man in this world, Timothée Chalamet."

I can only stare at him at this point and when he closes the gap between us, kissing me deeply, it takes me a second or two to actually respond. Jannik doesn't seem to mind though, he knots his fingers on my hair, moves enough so he can actually press our bodies together and leans me against the counter. I relax against him, deepen the kiss and let my hands rest on his hips, keeping him close to me.

*******

The bowls and glasses are still scattered around the floor, the computer still playing a video that by this point I don't even know what is it about. I lie on my back, my head resting on Jannik's lap as he strokes my hair and goes on with his enthusiastic report of yet another movie he has seen it. He has a soothing voice, not even in his most frustrated moments have I seen it alter; he's definitely one of the most collected and well resolved men I have come across.

His eyes have an interesting kind of sparkle whenever he talks about films, not a big surprise since his biggest dream was to be an actor. Life has not made that a possibility until now, but he has told me more than once that ballet allows him to use his skills on his favor. And he is absolutely right, Jannik has an incredible ability to tell a story with his eyes and subtle expressions; I have only seen one other person do this as good as he does.

"....and the photography of the movie is absolutely stunning. The colors the director decided to use draw your attention to the screen, making it almost impossible for you to not pay attention to this movie, but then at the same time all you're rewarded with are beautiful scenes that don't actually serve a purpose." He rests his hand on my thigh, rubs it up and down and then lets out a sigh. "So in the end, he had such a great material on his hands, but didn't really know what to do with it."

His eyes find mine as I nod quietly, which makes him laugh. "What?"

"I'm boring you with all this talk about a film you haven't even watched."

"No no, I love to hear you talk about the movies you watch. You're so passionate about them."

"No more than I am about you," he winks and leans down, placing a quick kiss on my lips.

When he pulls away, his eyes remain on me, his finger gently tracing my bottom lip as he tucks a few strands of hair behind my ear. I close my eyes and feel his touch, it's warm and tender, but it doesn't bring chills down my spine or makes my legs tremble. Then again, we've been doing this, whatever this is, for over a year and I might have grown used to the effects he might have over me.

"You have any idea of how beautiful you really are?" I open my eyes and smile up at him, who has the most loving look on his eyes. "I'm so happy to have you in my life, Tim. Even more now that I can actually call you my boyfriend."

The word does make me tremble, which Jannik notices and causes him to smirk. He captures me in another kiss, this time deeper and rougher, his warm tongue tracing my lip until I open up for him. Then, before I can even process what he is doing, Jannik's already laid my head down on a pillow as he hovers on top of me, his hands rubbing my sides.

His deep blue eyes find mine and he leans our foreheads together, a beautiful and loving smile on his lips. "I love you, so so much."

I swallow hard, finding extremely difficult to be on the receiving end of such words when you know well enough that you can't say them back. I resort to be speechless, my hands cradling his face as I pull him to a sweet and short kiss; I hope this somehow tells him I do care, even if I might never actually be able to love him.

"I bought brownies," he whispers between my lips and I chuckle. Hard not to see this is his way of saying  _ it's okay, I get it and I won't push you.  _ "I'm gonna go brew us some coffee so we can drink with it, okay?"

"Okay."

He kisses me again, jumps up and heads to the kitchen as I sit back up and lean against the bed. I bite on my lip as I watch him go through the cupboards, feeling completely at ease with the environment he is and I can't help but think that with time, patience and a little bit of effort, I can make this work.

I deserve someone new in my life. I deserve to be happy.

"Did you manage to get a hold of Sarah?"

I snap out of it, smile as I realize he's been staring at me and shake my head. "No, but I talked to Ansel earlier today. She went on a cruise with her boyfriend, that's why she hasn't been answering my calls."

He nods, turning on the stove. "Did he say how's Olivia and the baby?"

"He had just made it back from the hospital, actually. She was in pain, but it turned out it wasn't anything serious, so she's back home already."

"And does he still hate me?"

"What? Ansel doesn't hate you." Jannik shrugs, takes a plate with the brownies in it and sits back down with me while we wait for coffee. "Seriously, he doesn't hate you. We all hang out when they came here last year, we had fun and you guys talked for a while."

"Very shortly and he kept his answers to a minimum." He chuckles, takes a bite of a brownie and then feeds me some. "Okay, maybe he doesn't hate me. But be honest and admit he is not my biggest fan either."

"He barely knows you, Jannik. Ansel is the kind of person who takes some time to trust others." He shoots me a look and I roll my eyes. "Doesn't necessarily mean he hates you."

"Okay, if you say so."

"I do."

*******

There's music playing on the background as Jannik rolls us over on the bed, his naked body now on top of mine, his wet lips attached to the skin of my neck and his hands slowly pumping my cock. I grab a fistful of his hair, arch my back slightly and thrust deeper into his hand, a low and long moan escaping my lips. He smirks, loving the sounds I make as he slides down my body and leaves a wet trail down my chest.

I look down at him as his tongue traces my cock, biting on my lip hard as he opens his mouth and takes me whole. His eyes remain on mine as he bobs his head up and down, his hands now on my thighs, alternating from soft rubs and rough scratching. I close my eyes for a second, allow the waves of pleasure to consume me and in a matter of minutes I am cumming on his mouth.

He smiles at me as he lies down by my side, his hands bringing my body close to his. We remain there, silent, tangled in each other's body and I can hear his breathing settle down, his body relax and eventually he drifts off to sleep. I pull the blankets on top of us, fix myself so I am bit more comfortable and stare up at ceiling.

My phone vibrates, I reach for it and see a couple of messages from Pauline and one from Ansel. None of them are important or worth me moving any more than I already have, so I simply toss the phone back to the chair and reach for Jannik's so I can turn off the music. It's nearly impossible for me to keep a serious face when I see his background is a photo of me; my messy curls falling down my eyes and a sheepish smile on my lips, while I lie in bed. This was from the very first time I slept at his place.

Jannik moves beside me, sinks his face on my neck and wraps his leg around me. I smile down at him, run my finger through his hair and turn slightly to the side, embracing him in my arms as I too drift off to sleep.

 

******

 

High jumps, pirouettes, sweat and pain. There's a bit of everything as I move around the room, head thrown back, arms perfectly extended to the sides and feet en pointe. The beat of the music is fast, powerful and kind of terrifying; it forces us to move along the entire room, feigning fear, using our bodies to tell a story that's supposed to leave the spectators in a state of uncomfortable amusement.

I swirl around, arms tightly pressed to my chest and eyes focused on the bright light in the center of the room. I transition to a Grande Jeté, then with arms in third position move to Arabesque. The music gets louder, almost like a scream and I project my chest forward, run to the right en pointe, clung into my chest and with a spin fall to my knees. The song stops a few seconds later, my chest heaving and sweat pouring down my forehead; I inhale deeply, roll on my shoulders for a moment, trying to ease the tension and then sit down on the floor.

Some people are already leaving the room, some are checking on their bags while others, like me, are sitting around the room and just resting. I reach for my water bottle, take a few sips of it and watch as Jannik walks inside the room. He helps me up, takes my face in his hands and places a sweet and long kiss on my lips, which earns us a few cheering. I think pretty much everyone noticed we had something going on, but we never actually kissed -or had any kind of pda- in front of people here.

Not gonna lie, I am a bit uncomfortable with the sudden change.

"You look extremely sexy when you're all sweaty."

I chuckle, shaking my head and push away from him. I grab my bag, reach for my towel and dry off the sweat before zipping it up and taking his hand in mine. Still fucking weird to do this in public, but I guess I have to get used to it.

"What are you doing now? Because I know we talked about spending the afternoon at the park, but I actually have to go to the bank, the post office and some other boring stuff. I might not have the time for more than just lunch."

Jannik nods, intertwining our fingers together as we make our way down the hallway. "It's okay, don't worry. We can have lunch and then we meet later today. We could go to a nice restaurant, celebrate the beginning of our relationship."

"That sounds good to me."

We make our way inside the bathroom and in seconds he has me pressed against a stall wall. We laugh between soft kisses, his hands travelling down my chest and lifting up my shirt; I push him down on the closed toilet seat, press my finger on my lips, the universal sign of  _ shut up  _ and smirk as he nods. I take off my shirt, let it fall to the ground and then straddle him, my hands instantly going to his hair, tugging on it.

"We gotta be quick and quiet."

"I think we can manage."

"No, seriously, I'm hungry so we have to be quick."

Jannik chuckles, takes off his shirt and stares into my eyes as he pulls my face closer to his. "Then let's get it started."

*****

"Do you want my honest opinion?"

I frown my eyebrows, lean back on my seat and stare out to the window. There's a bit of snow falling, but the weather is better than it was during the weekend. I turn my eyes back to the mug of coffee sitting on the table in front of me, steam still coming out of it while the cookie lies half eaten by its side.

"And that's a no," Ansel says and I chuckle.

"Ansel, you should know by now that I'm always willing to hear your opinion. Even when I'm pretty sure I already know what you're gonna say."

"And what is it I'm gonna say?"

"That I made a horrible mistake."

He remains silent for a second. "Actually, I was gonna say that although I still have doubts that this can actually work, I'm glad you're at least giving it a try."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious. I know you don't love him and I am not even close to projecting your fucking wedding, but if you think there's a slightly chance of this working, than sure I'll support you."

I can't help but smile, suddenly feeling a lot more at ease with my decision. "Thanks, Ansel."

"Changing the subject, because you might not believe it, but sometimes I get tired of talking about your love life." I laugh, a bit too loud actually, and attract the look of some people on the coffee shop; I bite on my lip, feel my cheeks blush a little and take a few sips of my coffee, trying not to pay too much attention to the stares. "We finally chose a name for the baby."

"Are you serious? So you already know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Yes, we found out last week."

"Excuse me? You found out last week and did not tell me?"

"No one knows yet, not even our parents. We only wanted to say once we had the name figured out."

"And what is it?" I say with so much excitement even I am left a bit surprised. "I'm a lot more excited about you being a dad than I ever thought I would be."

Ansel laughs. "You'll be a great uncle, Tim."

"Yeah yeah, I know that. Now tell me the name."

"Emma."

"You're having a girl? Poor thing going through life with a father like you."

"Hey!"

"I'm joking," I say in between laughs, "she'll be the luckiest girl in the world to have you and Olivia as parents. You guys have always taken care of me when I needed, imagine what you won't do for your own flesh and blood."

"You might not be flesh and blood, but you know you're family."

"Thanks, bro." I smile to myself, silence taking us over for a second. "Look, I have to go to the post office to take care of some things and I have a date with my new boyfriend later tonight, but I will find time to call you before I leave the house. I wanna see Olivia and the baby bump."

"She'll be home in about an hour, so don't hesitate to call."

"I won't."

"I miss you, buddy."

"I miss you, too. And I promise you I will be visiting you guys soon enough, okay?"

"Take your time, Timothée, I know New York still brings you some intense memories. Take your time and don't try to push anything, come when you feel like you can handle everything."

"Thank you, buddy. For the support and the wise words."

"The ones you don't hear?"

"Goodbye, Ansel."

I hang up, take a quick look at the time and sigh. I finish the coffee and the cookie, grab my coat and my scarf and put it on as I walk over to the door; there´s a cold wind that hits me the moment I open the door and I shiver, but the sight ahead of me is way too surreal to even worry about that. 

A couple of steps from me, looking at a store´s showcase, stands a tall and elegant man. It doesn´t take me longer than two seconds to feel my heart pound on my chest, my legs and hands tremble, the blood boils inside of me and my head starts to spin.

My mouth goes dry at the realization that he is actually here, mere meters away from me. I´m confused, unsure and overwhelmed, but I hear his name leave my lips before he can even think of walking away.

"Armie?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you the light was coming....


	57. Chapter 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunited at last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit short, but I think you´ll like it.

My mouth goes dry at the realization that he is actually here, mere meters away from me. I´m confused, unsure and overwhelmed, but I hear his name leave my lips before he can even think of walking away.

"Armie?"

He turns around before I can even finish, a smile spreading on his face for a moment before he goes serious again. He takes a few steps closer to me and I do the exact same, swallowing dry as I stare him up and down. His hair is shorter, his beard is growing and he seems even more fit than the last time I saw him; his cheeks are flushed from the cold, which makes his blue eyes seem even more vivid and beautiful.

He´s in all black with a burgundy scarf around his neck, his stance -like always- elegant and just the right amount of arrogant. He looks at me with a soft expression, one that I am sure I am mirroring right now; it feels weird to stand in front of him once again, but at the same time I can feel a tingle go through my whole body with the excitement this brings me.

"I had a feeling I wouldn´t be able to leave Stuttgart without seeing you."

"What are you doing here?"

"Feeling cold, mostly."

I can´t help but chuckle and he does the same, stucking his hands inside his pockets. We stare at one another for a moment and I have to do everything I can not to stare at his lips or his beard; his new features somehow make him even more handsome than he already is.

"I might be pushing, but you want to sit down for a coffee?"

"Of course," I say way too fast even for my liking. I was supposed to be heading to the post office, not sitting down for coffee -which I literally just had- with Armie.

I follow him inside the coffee shop anyway, nod my head when he mentions to the counter and go to sit on the booth I was last than five minutes ago. I bite on my lip and tap my fingers on the table as I wait for Armie, my mind spinning with all possible scenarios for this encounter.

Will it be easy to sit down and talk to him? Do we still have anything left to say after a whole year apart? Or should I simply get up and leave, forget I even saw him and just move on with my life like I have been trying to do for the past year?

"Mocha with extra cream and bagel with cream cheese," he says while sliding into the seat across from me. 

"You remember?"

"You either don´t know me at all or you´re still so mad at me, that you actually believe I would completely erase everything related to you."

"That´s not what I meant."

"Yes, it is." 

I try my best, but can´t help but smile. It seems that even after a whole year apart, nothing has changed; a simple look or a smile from him and I am weak.

"So, what are you doing here?"

"It´s a small business trip."

"Really? You´re extending your business abroad, Mr. Hammer?"

I regret as soon as I realize what I have just said. He smirks, but looks down and stirs his coffee, while I can feel my cheeks getting hotter.

"I´m so sorry, I shouldn´t have said that."

"No worries, you can always call me whatever you want."

"So, you´re here for business?" I ask trying to change the subject and Armie smirks once again. "Are you actually thinking on opening a studio here?"

"No. I´m here for business, but not exactly mine. A friend is about to open a ballet studio here and he asked if I could come here and give him some advices."

"Fly all the way from New York just to give your friends some advice? Are you charging for all of this?"

Armie chuckles and takes a few sips of his coffee. "Actually he got married last Saturday, so we decided it would be nice to join pleasure and business."

"Actually, you don´t need to explain me anything. This has absolutely nothing to do with me, so I shouldn´t even have asked."

"It´s okay, don´t feel bad." Again, we stare at each other in silence and just like it was a whole year ago, it´s not at all uncomfortable or awkward. "So, how´s life at the biggest ballet company in the country?"

"Better than expected, actually. I came here only to experience something new and runaway from the pain I was feeling," I say and can see Armie squirm a little on his seat; his face goes from relaxed and at ease to serious and preoccupied. "But from day one I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I felt embraced and comfortable around all those people, so getting used to the new life style was a lot easier than I expected."

"I´m glad to hear that."

"And just this morning I was called to be the main in our next production." 

Weirdly enough, I haven´t told that to anyone yet. Not to Jannik, or Charlotte and not even Ansel. But Armie, Armie is always the one I want to share things with first.

"Timothée, that´s amazing news. You must be thrilled."

"I am. I´m still processing the whole thing, actually, but I got this feeling is gonna be the most amazing moment of my life."

"I´m sure you´ll do great, Tim, your talent is outstanding and you will leave people amazed."

"Thank you." I smile, my eyes darting down to the nearly empty mug of coffee. Another moment of silence ensues, my mind going on overdrive as I debate on whether or not I should act upon my desires or simply shut up and get back to what I was supposed to be doing.

_ Oh please, the last thing you want right now is to go to the post office. _

"Do you have anything to do right now?"

Armie arches an eyebrow, shaking his head. "No, not really. Why?"

"I know it´s super warm and cozy here, but want to take a walk?"

His eyes light up and my heart skips a beat, if I was standing my knees would be weak. 

"I´d love to."

"Really?"

"Yes. Unless you´ve already changed your mind."

I shake my head, grab my coat and scarf and get up. "Let´s go."

 

*******

 

The sky is painted with a dark shade of gray, clouds as far as the eye can see and the streets are taken by a thin layer of snow. Despite the cold there´s this warmth that comes from the simple fact that I am standing right beside him, hearing his voice echo in the mostly quiet streets. We´ve been walking for a couple of minutes now, as comfortable as we ever were with each other; conversation runs with ease, a few chuckles and smirks here and there, followed by moments of peaceful silence. 

There was this brief moment after we left the coffee shop that I thought this would be a disaster, we would quickly run out of things to talk and it would become clear that whatever kind of tension that seemed to build up between us, was the last bit of spark that still remained inside of us. Clearly, I was wrong, because not even the one subject which could cause us some sort distress, was able to minimize the calm and happiness that I feel when he is with me.

"...and it killed me to put you through all that pain, because that was never really my intention. It took me a couple of days to realize that I could have done things differently."

"Maybe. Or maybe things happened exactly like they were supposed to," I say with a little smile, watching Armie from the corner of my eyes. "I was hurt and extremely mad at you, Armie. I thought you were looking for excuses to get rid of me, I thought everything you said until that point had been nothing but lies. Weeks passed before I stopped to think about everything and realized that you were simply looking out for me."

"I wanted you to see that there was more than just the path you created to yourself when you were younger. That the world had all these different opportunities set up for you and that you had to at least try one of them."

"And I thank you for that. Coming to Stuttgart allowed me to meet new people, learn a new language and overall just grow as a danseur. I love New York, but sometimes we need to leave our comfort zone to learn something new."

When I turn to look at him, Armie has that bright and always captivating smile of his plastered on his face. The blue in his eyes have the sparkle as I remember, the little wrinkles on the corner of his eyes are just as mesmerizing as they used to be. He´s still the same Armie I left behind.

"I'm really glad you're enjoying your time here, Tim.”"

I nod, but resort to be in silence. As nice as it feels to be able to talk so openly with Armie, bring back all these memories still stings a little and causes too many feelings to come back to the surface. 

"You know, I´m glad that we were able to talk things through, but what about we stick to the present for a while?"

Armie chuckles, nodding his head slowly. "I´m okay with that."

"Great, then tell me what´s been up with you lately. I feel like I have done most of the talking."

"Like always," he says and I nudge him playfully, which makes him chuckle. "I actually have been working on expanding my business."

"Excuse me?" My eyes widen and the biggest smile takes over my face. "Are you fucking serious?"

"Yes, I´m serious. To be honest, it has always been a dream of mine to have a bigger space where I could have more students, provide workshops, introduce modern ballet and do some social work too. I wanna help teenagers who don´t have the same opportunities that I did in my life, I wanna do some good."

My cheeks hurt from smiling so much, my heart warming at the sound of every single word he says. I couldn´t be more proud of the man he is.

"Armie, that´s amazing. You have an established career already, but the fact you want to expand and help others while doing so, that's a testament of how great of a person you truly are. But I can´t help but wonder why I never heard of this."

"I´ve been thinking of doing something like this ever since I was in Juilliard, but then I figured I´d do it once I was a little bit older and ready to take a step back from teaching, so I could actually focus on the more bureaucratic work. I wasn´t keeping it from you, I simply stopped thinking about it for a couple of years."

"So what changed your mind and made you want to do this now?"

"Honestly?" His face turns a bit more serious at this point and I can only nod my head.  "I needed something to keep my mind occupied, forget about everything that was tormenting me."

I don´t need him to actually say the words to understand exactly what he meant by that. He needed something to help him forget about us.

"How long until you open?" I ask, trying to avoid getting too emotional. "Or you still don´t have a proper date?"

"The idea is to open in five months. I´m going through the whole renovation process right now, which is annoying and frustrating. There´s always people asking things, paperwork to take care of and sweaty construction workers everywhere."

"Oh c´mon, that doesn´t sound so bad, Hammer."

Armie smirks, his eyes locked on mine. "They are not exactly my type."

I try my best to keep myself together, but it´s nearly impossible to control the shiver that runs down my spine. I swallow dryly, reach for my phone and although I ignore every single message there is for me, I stare at it long enough to make sure I calm myself down.

"Have you managed to do some sightseeing?"

Armie smiles, probably aware of what I am trying to do here; after all, I was never able to hide anything from him. "Not really, but I was planning on doing it tomorrow."

"Why wait?" He arches an eyebrow and I shrug. "It´s still quite early, I could give you a tour."

"Are you sure?"

"Unless you don´t want to."

"Is not about that. I just fear that if we spend too much time together, it might be too hard to say goodbye later."

"Armie, I highly doubt saying goodbye will be easy, whether we do it right now or in a week."

He wets his lips, lets out a sigh and nods his head. "Okay then, let´s go."

"I know a place you´ll love it."

I reach for his arm and drag him with me down the street, a wide smile on my face as I try to explain exactly what we are about to see.

  
  


********

 

The door closes with a loud thud and I slam Armie against it, my lips locked to his in a heated, rough and needy kiss. My hands cradle his face, his beard tickling my palms as his large hands hold tight onto my waist, keeping my body pressed against his. My entire body catches on fire, every single hair in me stands up and I moan against his lips, desperately wanting more of his touch, more of his silky tongue against mine.

Armie´s hands travel to my hair, he grips tightly on it and pulls my head back, exposing my neck for his own delight. He licks, nibbles and kisses my Adam´s Apple, sucks the skin underneath my chin and when his lips return to mine, he pulls on my bottom lip.

His name starts leaving my lips, my hands roaming through his body, removing the scarf, the coat and sneakily going under his sweater to feel his bare skin. I don´t know why or how, but his body seems even more ripped than it used to be, which only makes me even more eager to remove every single piece of clothing he has on.

We stumble around the apartment, clothes slowly falling to the ground while our breathing gets heavier. We know exactly where to touch, how to drive each other crazy and breathless, completely overloaded by pleasure, love and comfort. 

We pull away for a second, eyes locked as the last pieces of clothing are scattered around. We admire each other just like we did on our first time; back then we wanted to learn more about each other, now we´re eager to discover new things to love.

I push him down on the bed, the smirk on his face is sinful, the flush on his lips inviting and his cock, hard and throbbing, a reminder of the most amazing nights of my existence. I climb on top of him, my lips attached to his right away, my hands searching for any hair to tug on; his arms embrace me tightly, claiming and protecting me. 

Minutes of making out, feeling his cock rub against my entrance and his fingers opening me up, seem like hours; the sweat that drenches our bodies makes it seem like it´s full on summer and the smell that emanates from us is intoxicating. Armie´s beard tickles my skin, my nails scratch his back and our chests rub together with every synchronized and complementary movement we make. 

When we´re in bed together, we are one.

My hands seem to fit perfectly around his cock as I roll a condom into it, the little gasps that escape him making me smile with pride. The knowledge that I can still inflict that much pleasure on him after all this time is nearly mind blowing, but judging by how much pleasure he gives me with a simple touch, I shouldn't be surprised.

I run my fingers through his beard, completely in love with how it feels against my skin. I kiss his nose, his lips, his cheeks and then nibble on his ear before whispering softly.

"I want you inside of me."

We hold each other´s gaze, his arms securing me firmly as I guide his cock into my opening and lower myself on it. I take my time, whimpering as I take inch after inch of him and he whispers praises to me. A loud gasp escapes us both when I take him whole; a mix of familiarity and brand new excitement that consumes me, leaving me nearly drunk in pleasure. Armie gently rubs my back, our bodies moving in a sensual and erotic pas de deux, that leaves us sweaty and breathless.

I kiss him slowly, relishing on the softness of his lips against mine. His hands find my neck with a gentle grip and I pull on his bottom lip while also gripping onto his chest hair, hearing his grunts fill the apartment. His moves become a bit faster, his cock repeatedly brushing against my spot, which makes me arch my body and throw my head back in pure, indescribable ecstasy. Armie takes full advantage of the moment and in seconds his lips are against my feverish skin, his beard scratching me while he sucks on my nipples, leaves kisses all over my chest and sinks his teeth into my flesh, leaving marks I´ll gladly wear for days.

Armie´s hands slide down to my hips, I lean my head on his shoulder and he guides my movements. Our bodies move faster, but we still remain in a mainly slow pace; neither one of us in a rush to finish this and, after an entire year away from him, I feel like I could be here forever. Every move he makes takes me closer to an toe-curling orgasm, every word he whispers in my ear leaves me aching for more when we haven't even finished yet. 

If I´m the Earth, then Armie is the sun and the moon.

I kiss his shoulder and run my hand through his short hair, missing the feeling of having something to grab on but still extremely attracted to every single change he has gone through. We keep on going for minutes, savoring and exploring every inch of each other´s skin, moaning and grunting in unison, completely focused on one single goal, which is to bring pleasure to the other. When Armie´s cock starts throbbing inside of me and his body goes rigid, I know well enough what to expect; I hold onto his shoulders, lean out foreheads together and move my hips to meet his thrusts, all the while our eyes remain locked.

Our breathing gets heavier, our bodies shake from head to toe and just as I feel Armie release the first spurts of his cum on the condom, my body tenses up and my toes curl up in an eye rolling orgasm that leaves me panting for air. My body collapses against his and Armie chuckles as he falls backwards on the bed, his arms never ceasing to hold on to me. My eyes get heavy, but the thrill of being back with him keeps me awake and attentive to everything around me. 

I look at him, his blue eyes sparkling just like they did a year ago, his smile just as contagious. We remain there, wrapped around one another and mostly quiet, stealing quick kisses and allowing our giggles to fill the room.

I´m finally back where I belong.

  
  



	58. Chapter 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start off well, but eventually Timothée has to deal with reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the fluff and smut, get ready for the angst....

I toss and turn on the bed, shouting and kicking the air, desperately trying to get away from the tight grip Armie has on me. I feel breathless, the tickling incessant no matter how much I plead him to stop and let go of me. With an arm pinned above my head and his legs in between mine, I'm nearly powerless; he chuckles, gives quick bites on my hip bones, which makes me groan and whine. It's a miracle none of my neighbors have come to see if everything is alright.

When he finally stops, I can feel my face and chest burning, while my stomach simple aches from all the laughing and contortions. I keep still for a second or two, getting my breathing back to normal before I turn to look at Armie, who's now lying beside me on the bed, a wide smile on his face.

"Now, that's the one thing I wasn't missing."

He chuckles, grabs my arm and pulls me closer to him. I bury my face on his neck, take in his scent and smile to myself, feeling complete, in peace and extremely happy. He rubs my back, kisses my forehead and I let my fingers trace his chest, drawing imaginary shapes on it.

"It's still a bit surreal to be here, you know." I look up at him, his eyes are stuck on the ceiling and he has this serious but still peaceful look upon his face. "When I decided to come to Stuttgart, a part of me always wanted to run into you, while another feared for the worse. Even the hopeful one couldn't imagine what was waiting for me."

"Aren't you glad you stopped to take a peek into that store?"

"I'm glad I got bored and decided to take a walk."

I roll on top of Armie, our naked bodies pressed together as I lean my chin on his chest and trace his lips with my fingers. He smiles at me, cradles my face and pulls me to a sweet and slow kiss. His fingers tangle on my hair, his beard scratches my skin and leaves a deliciously burning feeling behind. Is there anything he does that does not leave me completely crazy?

My hands run down his body, feeling his soft skin against my palms, rediscovering things I had let it slip. I pull away and straddle him, my hands now plastered on his stomach as I watch him from above. He smirks at me, gently rubs my thighs and then out of the blue, sinks his nails into the flesh, which draws out a sweet and long moan from me.

I lean down, my lips leaving kisses down his chest and stomach, until I am properly lying in between his legs. Armie looks down at me with a mischievous smile and I lick my lips; he opens his legs wider, my tongue teasingly tracing his inner thigh until I reach his balls. I stop there and move to his other leg, doing the exact same thing and hearing him sigh in frustration when I stop again.

"Still a fucking tease, huh?"

"You've got no idea."

He shakes his head, bites on his lip and I take a hold of his dick, stroking it as slowly as I can. Armie grunts, tries to thrust faster into my hand, but I place my hand on his stomach, signaling him to keep himself quiet. He obeys and closes his eyes, giving me free access to do whatever the hell I want with him. The opportunity is too good to be wasted, so I push his legs up, open them wider and bury my face in between his ass cheeks, my tongue teasing his hole as my name starts to leave his lips.

*******

I feel his body against mine the moment sleep wears off, his strong arms wrapped around me, his warm chest pressed against my back and his face buried on my neck. I can feel his hot breathing, the way his chest heaves and smile to myself, a sense of calm and happiness taking me over. I haven't felt this good in over a year. I snuggle close to him, rub my nose against his hand, which is leaned on the pillow, kiss his wrist and chuckle as he groans against my shoulder.

Armie pulls back a little and I instantly lean back, making sure our bodies are still as close as they can be. He smirks, kisses my neck, shoulder and then my cheek. He turns me around, lying me on my back as he moves his nose to my hair; I chuckle, lace our fingers together and watch as without even thinking about our legs entwine. How much I've missed waking up to his touch and his kisses, how much I've missed him and everything he brings to my life. He'll forever be the light of my life.

"It's past ten, you missed work," he whispers.

"I'm sure the company will handle one day without my presence." I move slightly and with my finger, raise his chin so we can actually look at one another. "Besides, nothing in the world would make me leave this bed when you are in it."

"It is a nice bed."

I roll my eyes and he laughs, rolling on top of me. I stare up at him with the biggest smile I can master, my eyes locked on his as my hands slide up his arms and then to his face. Armie kisses my palm, rubs his chin against my skin and then leans down, capturing me in a sweet, slow and sensual kiss.

I wrap my arms around his neck, keeping him near and moan when his hands slide down my sides, making me shiver. When he pulls away, his blue eyes sparkling with joy and love, he gives a few kisses around my face and pushes some of my hair back.

"God, how much I've missed you."

"I'm sure it wasn't half as much as I missed you."

"Wanna compete?"

"Do you have a photo of me hanging above your bed?  Because I have one of yours." He arches an eyebrow and then looks up, finally noticing the two frames hanging side by side. "Jack sent me on my first week here."

"And you actually put it up?"

He sits down on the bed, eyes locked on the frame as I watch him for a second. I sit down, wrap my arms around him and lean my chin on his shoulder; he rests a hand on my thigh, rubs it softly and then turns to look at me, a soft and slightly emotional smile on his face.

"Want some breakfast?"

"Yes, please!"

He chuckles, kisses me quickly and then gets up, running over to the kitchen as I lie back down on the bed and wrap myself around the blankets.

"Are you gonna help?"

"Of course not," I say serious and he shoots me a look. "I'm gonna lie here very pretty and watch you do what you do best, which is cook for me."

"You are very pretty, that I have to admit."

I wink at him and he chuckles, shaking his head before he turns to the cupboards and starts opening them, in search for something he can work with. I sigh in contentment, completely enamored by the sight of him on my kitchen. I hear my phone buzz and reach out for it, seeing over fifty messages and about ten missed calls. I sigh, turn it off and put it back on its place, not in the mood for whatever it is in those messages.

"You are in desperate need of grocery shopping, Timmy."

"I'm sure you'll find something to work with, Mr. Hammer."

He smirks, gives me a quick look and then turns back to his task, mixing and chopping things. In less than half hour he is already back in bed, a tray laying between us while we talk, laugh and tease each other. How easy it was for us to fall back into the way we were before everything happened still surprises me a little bit, but at the same time makes me feel insanely proud.

Maybe people were right, maybe our story is far from over.

Armie wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulls me closer and kisses me softly, his hand cradling my face as I tightly hold onto his arm. I smile through the miss, bite on his bottom lip and giggle as he groans in desperation. Oh how I love the effect I have over him.

We pull away just as my phone starts buzzing again and I groan, taking a quick look over my shoulder. Armie plays with my hair, twists the curls around his fingers and watches me silently. I bite on my lip, fully aware that people might be after me since I completely disappeared since yesterday afternoon, but I fear answering the phone might break this bubble and take my back to reality. And in reality, I have some shit I need to deal with.

"It's okay, you can answer."

"I know, I just don't want to."

"What? Is your boyfriend looking out for you?"

He is only joking, but my body tenses up immediately at the sound of those words. Slowly, I turn back to him and watch as he frowns, his eyes attentive on every single move I make. I was never able to lie to Armie, he could always easily tell what I was feeling or when I was hiding something, so the state I am left at the mention of a boyfriend certainly triggers something deep within him.

"Timothée..."

"Look, I was going to tell you everything."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Armie, I was going to tell you about him, but everything that happened between you and me on the last few hours was so unexpected..."

"You have a boyfriend and not for a second you thought it would be nice to tell me? Not even before we end up in bed together?"

"Oh c'mon, it's not like you asked."

Armie shakes his head and gets up, reaching for his clothes. "I didn't ask, because I thought this was the kind of thing you'd have told me. I didn't stop to talk to you just because I wanted sex, I would have understood if you had told me you had someone else. It's been a fucking year, Timothée, I never expected you to mop around and wait for me."

"Armie, you don't have to leave because of this."

"You have a boyfriend, Timothée. Who's probably worried about you since he hasn't heard from you in hours."

"Can you just sit down and let me explain? There's no need to storm out like this."

He stares at me for a moment, shakes his head and grabs his phone and his scarf before heading over to the door. He stops there for a moment and I get on my knees on the bed, thinking for a moment that he might come back; he doesn't though, he simply opens the door and leaves.

I groan, throwing myself back on the bed as I hit my fists on the mattress. I stare at the ceiling, my blood boiling as I curse to myself; I had him right here with me and yet managed to screw up everything. What the fuck is wrong with me?

 

*******

 

_ Where are you? I'm so fucking worried. Just answer me!!!! _

I've been staring at the message for what seems like a good half hour, my mind going on overdrive as I try to figure out what to write back as an answer. Jannik has left over fifty messages, voicemails and missed calls; the desperation in his voice in every one of them is clear, the way he changes from German to English, makes it evident he was on the verge of losing all his control.

Twenty four hours, that's how long I've been away from everyone and everything. Twenty four hours since I ran into Armie in the middle of the street and saw my life turn upside down once again. Twenty four hours ago, the idea of running into Armie in the middle of the street seemed almost impossible; and now here I am, sitting on my apartment's floor, thinking about how easy it was to be around him again, to talk to him, laugh and make love.

The doorbell rings and I sigh, putting my phone down. It doesn't take me much to figure out who it is, but it does take me a lot of time to gain enough courage to actually get up and do something. Do I tell him what happened? Do I lie to him and prove the point Ansel was trying to make throughout this whole year? I am a jerk when it comes to Jannik.

I close my eyes, count to ten and then take a deep breath before I can drag myself to the door. Jannik throws himself at me the moment he sees me, his strong arms wrapped around my body and his hand stroking my hair. He sighs in relief, then cradles my face in his hands and pulls me to a kiss; I hold onto his wrists, push him away from me and try my best to put on a small and reassuring smile on my face, although I'm sure right now I can't really be convincing.

"What the fuck happened? We're all going crazy looking for you, Timothée."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to worry anyone."

"I spent hours trying to call you, then I talked to Charlotte and she told me she had tried to contact you but didn't get anything either. I tried to tell myself everything was alright, but then you didn't show up at the academy and when I finally called Ansel, he said you promised to call yesterday but never did it. What happened to you?"

"You can calm down now, okay? I'm doing alright, I just...."

"You just?"

_ Just tell him the truth. You've made a mistake and now you have to deal with it. _

"Look, we need to have a serious conversation."

He arches an eyebrow and takes a step closer to me, the confusion in his eyes is nearly too much for me to handle. How am I supposed to look him in the eye once I actually tell him the truth?

"Timothée, just tell me what's going on."

"The reason why I disappeared was because I ran into Armie."

"As in your ex boyfriend? Your teacher?"

I nod, tucking my hands into my sweatpants pockets. Jannik stares at me, the look of confusion now giving place to a mix of fear and sadness.

"What happened?"

"We sat down for coffee, I thought I could have a nice and civil conversation with him, maybe even discuss the things we left unsaid when I left New York."

"And that didn't happen?"

"It did, actually. The problem was that being with him was much easier than I thought it would be, we talked for hours and it was almost as if we had last seen each other a week ago, not a year."

"And why did that cause you to disappear completely?"

"Jannik...," I sigh and turn my back to him. I need a moment to try and keep myself together, otherwise I will never be able to do this.

"Just say it, Timothée."

"Armie and I slept together."

The words seem to pair on the air for hours, the dreadful silence nearly consuming me. I turn to face him, his blue eyes now completely lost and empty, something I have never seen in my life.

"Please, say something."

"You just slept with your ex boyfriend, Timothée. What exactly do you want me to say?"

I open my mouth to speak, but quickly close. What am I expecting him to say right now? I've hurt him, I've lied to him and practically ignored his whole existence before jumping into bed with Armie. I can't expect anything from him, not now.

"What do you expect me to say when I don't even know what I am feeling? Because I know deep down inside that I should be mad at you, I should hate you and walk out of that door to never see your face again, but not even that I can do." I furrow my eyebrows, slightly confused at his words, but remain quiet, watching as he sighs in exasperation and runs his fingers through his hair. "If it was any other guy, a random dude you found on the street, I'd have probably left already. But he ain't just a random dude, is he? He's the man you told me more than once that you loved and was trying your best to forget, he's the man who taught you a lot of what you know now of ballet and believed in your potential, although he is also the man who broke your heart.  What do I do with that? Do I believe this was just a mistake, and that judging by how everything ended between you guys, it was your way to search for closure? Or should I go with the thought that you didn't mean a word you said on the weekend, that you were never really willing to try?"

"I meant every single word I say to you, Jannik. Since day one, I've never lied to you."

"Maybe, but you still managed to hurt me in a way I never expected you to do. And yet here I am, still partially blaming myself for all of this mess."

"No, please." I try to reach out for his hands, but he steps back and I sigh. "You shouldn't blame yourself for any of this, okay? This is all on me and I am extremely sorry, I never wanted something like this to happen, I never expected to see Armie here or...."

"A part of you knew that seeing him was gonna cause some kind of problem, didn't you? You still have his picture on your fucking wall, a part of you must have known that sitting down for coffee wouldn't just end there."

"H-how do you know?"

"Not thanks to you, of course." He shakes his head. "You told me the name of the artist, I searched for it and it didn't take me long to realize not only he was friends with Armie, but that this picture in particular was of Armie."

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"You say that, but I'm not sure I believe it." Jannik takes a deep breath, his eyes wandering around the apartment, before he shakes his head and makes his way to the door.

"Jannik...."

"I can't talk right now. And I think we both need some time to think about all of this, so I'll call or text some other time."

"Okay."

"Okay," he practically whispers before slamming the door close behind him and leaving me there, alone in my apartment again and this time feeling even worse than I already was.

I throw myself on the bed, groan, tug on the blankets and snuggle myself in it, trying to get my mind to a calm place so I can actually think straight. Of course that doesn't seem like an option right now, because the moment I close my eyes, my phone starts ringing. Knowing full well that I will have to face everyone eventually, I choose not to postpone this any longer. I move around on the bed, reach for the phone on the ground and bite on my lip as I see Ansel's name on the screen.

I am definitely not in the mood for his  _ i told you so,  _ but I also have my own fair share of questions I need to ask him, so liking it or not, I will have to answer.

"You finally answered your phone, what the fuck happened to you?"

"Why didn't you tell me Armie was here?"

He remains silent for a second or two and then sighs. "I see you two have seen each other already."

"Yes, we've seen each other. I ran into him yesterday right after I talked to you. So, why didn't you tell me he was here? Better yet, why didn't you tell me that you guys have been hanging out for the past year?"

"You didn't even mention his name, Timothée, I don't know why you're so surprised that I kept my mouth shut about this."

"You're my best friend, you should have told me that suddenly you were friends with my ex."

"Your ex also happens to be my former teacher. Someone I learned to look up to, someone who believed in me, someone I always got along with just fine. We didn't get closer because we wanted to plot something behind your back or make a mockery of your feelings, Timothée. It happened gradually, we ran into each other a couple of times, he asked me about you, we talked, had coffee. He still goes to the bookstore, so Sarah kept contact with him too, so yeah, naturally we all got closer to him and decided not to tell you, because you made it clear you didn't want to know anything about him."

"Because I knew it wouldn't do me any good."

"Then don't blame me for keeping that away from you."

I stuck my head in between the pillows, a muffed scream leaving me while Ansel remains quiet on the other side, aware that I need some time to digest all of this.

"What happened between you two, Tim? I'm assuming you meeting him was the reason why you disappeared."

"We talked, had coffee and then went for a walk. It didn't feel like a whole year had gone by, it barely felt like a week and I tried to do the right thing, to keep things civil and at a safe distance, but..."

"But it's Armie."

"But it's Armie and when I realized, we were kissing in the middle of the street, me pressed against a wall as he made me feel like the most loved man in the world."

"You slept with him, didn't you?"

I turn around, my eyes stuck on the ceiling. "Yes, I did."

"And Jannik? Does he know already?"

"Yes, he knows about what happened and Armie knows about him. None of those things ended well to be honest and, I'm now lying here and wondering what the hell to do with my life."

Ansel remains silent, his breathing the only thing I can hear. I know him enough to know what he is thinking, which sadly is the same as I am.

"Say it," I whisper while my eyes wander to the window.

"I don't wanna say it."

"I need to hear it."

"I told you. I told you not to go through with this whole thing, Tim. I tried to tell you, more than once, that this whole situation would end up in a mess."

"I should listen to you more often, you know."

"I know," he says with a little chuckle. "But there's no reason to cry and mourn now, you need to think about everything that happened and try to decide exactly how to fix everything. For you and for them."

"That's the worst part."

"Take some time to yourself and think things through. I'm sure you'll find a solution for everything in the end."

"I will do that, but before I can do that, I need a favor from you."

"What favor?"

 

*******

 

"Vielen Dank," I say with a small smile as the waiter places the glass on the table in front of me. I sigh, my feet taping the floor as I lean back on the armchair and allow my eyes to scan the lobby. There's not many people around, most already out to enjoy the city´s nightlife.

I am sitting here for nearly five minutes now, my hands a bit sweaty and shaky. I reach out to my drink, take a few sips of it and then look back up as I hear footsteps approaching me. I take a long breath, close my eyes for a second and then look up, a small smile appearing on my lips as soon as I see him standing there.

"I should have known it was you when they said there was someone waiting for me here." I shrug my shoulders, biting on my lip as he sighs, bouncing on his heels. "How did you find out I was staying here?"

"The cons of being friends with your ex's best friend."

"Ansel, of course..."

"I just want to talk, Armie. You left so abruptly, I barely had time to explain anything."

"Explain that you have a boyfriend and that you cheated on him with me?"

"Can't you sit down and let me talk?" He stares at me for a while, bites down hard on his lip and then lets out a deep sigh, taking a seat in front of me. "Wanna drink something?"

"Tim, just say what you want to say."

"Jannik and I have had a weird relationship the past year and I..."

"You've been with him for a whole year?"

"No, not actually." I groan, run my hands on my jeans as I try to put my thoughts together and understand exactly how I will explain this. "I've met Jannik on my first week here, we hit it off and end up hooking up. I didn't want anything serious, our breakup was still too recent and I couldn't see myself in a relationship, but things took a turn and when I realized a whole year had gone by and we were still in this weird kind of relationship… you could call it friends with benefits, I guess. That was until the last weekend, when I finally got the guts to do something about it. We decided to try, to see how this relationship could go and I thought I could do it, I thought everything would be easier, but then you showed up and I forgot about everything and everyone, because that's what I do when you are around, I'm blind for everything else."

Armie looks down at his hands, his jaw clenched and his body rigid. I want to lean in and touch him, kiss him, hug him and never let go.

"Please, talk to me."

"I love you, Timothée," he says while turning his gaze back to mine and I can feel my heart skip a beat. "But I've been in Jannik's place before, I loved someone who cheated on me and I could barely handle the pain."

"I'm not like Connor."

"No, you're not, that's why I'm doing my best not to judge you for what happened. But no matter how much I love you, I won't be the one to put Jannik through the same pain I once felt."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That maybe you should try to make this relationship with him work." I frown, go to say something but he shakes his head. "You and Jannik have a year worth of history, which is three times more than what we had, maybe you should try to make it work. He loves you and, if you kept him around all this time is because you have feelings for him too."

"Are you serious right now?"

He nods, his lips twitching in an attempt at a smile. "I leave on Saturday night, Tim,  but Jannik will remain here. Maybe what happened yesterday was life's way of giving us a proper goodbye."

"So that's it? You're just gonna walk away from me again? We could at least try to be friends."

"Do you really think we can ever be just friends?" I stare at him for a while, my eyes filling with tears as he gets up. He is trying to keep himself together, pretending to be tough when I know him enough to know he is also on the verge of tears. "It was great seeing you again, Tim."

I watch as he leaves, head down, hands stuck in his pockets and not even one quick look back at me. I shake my head, allowing the tears to fall and reach for the glass, drinking everything in one gulp before I lean back on the arm chair.

How the hell did this day turn into such a mess?

 


	59. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée takes some time to himself.

The conversation with Armie on Tuesday night was painful, the look on his face as he listened to me talk about my relationship with Jannik made me feel broken inside, but his words about not wanting to hurt someone the same way Connor hurt him made me think about this whole situation. I never meant to hurt Jannik, I never wanted to be the kind of person who cheats on someone else, but it happened and now I not only have to live with that for the rest of my life, but I also have to do something to fix this whole thing as best as I can.

Jannik is an amazing person, someone who truly cares about me and deserves to be treated with respect; and if I am being completely honest, that was something I lacked on for the past year. I could have handled the situation in a better way, listened to Ansel´s advices and taken more time to think exactly what I wanted for my life, but I didn´t do any of this and now the universe is kicking me in the ass.

But like my mom always said, sometimes the bad things need to happen so we can rethink about our life and do something right. I spent most of Tuesday night lying awake in bed, staring into the ceiling while rethinking about everything Armie said. By the time the sun rose on Wednesday, I had only slept for two hours, but didn´t care much about it. Instead of dwelling on all the crap that had suddenly happened in my life, I decided to take the day to myself and get my mind and body in sync. 

I had decisions to make and so I did the only thing I could think of, I put on my jogging clothes and went out to the cold streets of Stuttgart; I ran for nearly two hours and a half, stopping only to drink water and get some brief moments of rest. By the time I made it back to my apartment, completely drenched in sweat, I rushed to the shower and let the cold water wash down my body and relax my mind.

I debated on going to the academy, but figured doing that wouldn´t help much on my search for peace of mind. I would end up seeing Jannik, watch as he looked at me with sadness or even worse, with pure rage; I needed to get my mind back on track before facing him or Armie again. The rest of the day went by slowly, I read a book, did some mild exercising, explained to Charlotte why exactly I had disappeared and then, much like Pauline had taught me a few years ago, treated myself with a nice meal on my favorite restaurant in town. The idea always seemed a bit odd to be, mainly because I was never much a fan of going out on my own, especially dining, but in the end it turned out to be quite an enjoyable time.

It´s now Thursday, the sun is setting and clouds start to fill the sky while I sit on the balcony, a mug of hot tea on my hands and a thick blanket wrapped around me. I hear a beep and look around for a second, slightly confused until I realize it comes from my computer. I groan, annoyed that I have to leave the comfort of my chair and head back inside, but smiling as I realize the video call comes from Ansel.

I sit down on the chair, answer the call and place my mug down, waving at Olivia as she smiles wide at me. "Olivia, I´ve missed you."

"I´m missing you too, love."

"Where´s our baby girl? I wanna see it." She chuckles and gets up, baby bump on display as I bite hard on my lip, mesmerized at how beautiful she looks. "You look so damn beautiful, Olivia. I wish I could be there and feel it kicking, I´m sure it´s an amazing feeling."

"It really is," she says while sitting back down. "Although I have to admit it was kind of weird on the first time."

"Ansel said it felt like a snake was crawling inside of you."

"Yep, he said that." She sighs, bites on her lip and then leans forward on her desk, a small but reassuring smile on her lips. "It´s been a while since we talked, but Ansel made sure to update me on everything that happened. How are you doing?"

"I´m doing good, actually."

"Are you?"

"Yes, I am." I reassure her with a smile. "I took the last two days to myself, thought about everything that has happened with me the past year and especially the last week. I was able to actually understand a lot of the things I did and also shine a light on the ones I didn´t."

"Have you talked to Armie?"

"No, I haven´t talked to neither one of them."

"You know he leaves on Saturday night, right? If you have any intentions to talk to him and try to solve all of this, you need to be fast."

"Do you think it would be a good idea?"

She looks at me with a frown. "What?"

"Do you think it would be a good idea for me and Armie to get back together? A lot changes in a year."

"That´s true, but the love you have for one another didn´t." She adjusts herself on the chair, her hand softly rubbing her belly. "I got closer to Armie on the past year, I saw his struggle, the sadness and regret in his eyes whenever we mentioned your name. I saw him drown himself in work to try and forget about the pain he was going through. But I also saw the pride in his eyes when we showed him that article about Stuttgart that featured you."

"You guys should have told me you were close to him, I wouldn´t be mad."

"We didn´t keep it from you because we thought you would be mad, Timmy. We didn´t bring it up because we thought talking about it would only bring you more pain, which was something we didn´t want. But now I see life is giving you an opportunity to see how things would go with him once again. Maybe you are right, maybe you both changed and things might not work it out, but that is something you´ll only know for sure if you try."

"You have any idea how good it is to hear you talking? How soothing it is for me?", I say with with a smile as she chuckles, leaning her arms on the desk.

"You´ve made up your mind already, haven´t you?"

"Yes, I did."

"Will you tell me?"

Ansel shows up on the screen before I can say anything. He sits down beside Olivia, wraps an arm around her and she leans closer, kissing his cheek.

"What were you guys talking about?"

"Your fiancé was giving me advice."

"Oh really?"

"Yes and she´s ten times better than you in it."

"Okay, I´ll remember that next time you ask," he says and I chuckle, shrugging my shoulders.

  
  


***********

 

The music fills my ears, the melody guiding each one of my steps as I move along the room. Swirls are followed by high jumps, Grande Jetes by Arabesques, Aseemblés by Battements and then a Balancé. The sweat drips down my forehead, my body moving to perform a Pirouette and then a split to finish it off.

I close my legs and lean back down, spreading myself on the floor as I try to catch my breath. I smile to myself as I lay there, getting my breathing back to normal and just staring at the beautiful ceiling. When I sit back down, I wave at some girls who are leaving the room and reach back for my bag, taking my water bottle and drinking half of it in one go. I dry off the sweat, inhale deeply and then stretch myself out before I can get up, careful to avoid any cramps. I fish out for my shirt, put it over my tank top and then change my shoes; by the time I am done, there´s no one else in the room, so I simply drag myself out.

Jannik is waiting for me outside, leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and his eyes on me. I stop by the door, bite on my lip and take a second to prepare myself for what is about to come. I take a few steps closer to him, my feet seeming to weight a ton and try to smile at him, ease the tension between us somehow, but realize it´s futile.

"Hey, how you doing?"

"I´ve had better days."

"We need to talk, make sure there are no misunderstandings."

He nods and gestures for me to follow him, which I do quietly. We walk down the hallways and I can feel eyes fall upon us, people probably wondering why we so quiet when that´s not our usual selves. Once we make it to the cafeteria, we look out for the quietest spot and take a seat. The waiter is soon besides us, ready to take our orders, but leaves empty handed when we both decide not to have anything.

We sit in silence for a minute or two, Jannik´s eyes down to his hands, his legs bouncing. I lean forward on the table, my hand reaching out for him and resting on top of his. 

"Timothée," he says as he finally looks up.

"Can I go first?" He nods and I sigh. "I took two days to myself, to think about what had happened and what I had done to you. I was a jerk to you, Jannik, I played with your feelings, took advantage of them to fulfill something that I knew it couldn´t be fulfilled. I liked you the moment I saw you for the first time, but it was never enough to build something out of it."

"You were not a jerk, Timothée. You only did what I allowed you to do. I´ve always knew of your feelings towards me, or the lack of, but I kept this thing going because I thought that eventually things could change. I didn´t realize until now that I was asking for something impossible." He sighs, burying his face in his hands for a moment before looks back at me. "I´m not a fool, I know you never truly forgot about Armie and that a part of you always wondered how it would be if you were still together, if you would be happy and maybe that´s why you did what you did. You wanted to know how it felt to be with him once again."

"You´re not wrong, but not entirely right either."

"What you mean?"

"It would happen any way, Jannik. Not because it was you, or because I wanted to hurt you, but because it was Armie and what I feel for him is still too strong to be forgotten."

"Are you two getting back together?"

"I don´t know, I haven´t talked to him yet. What I do know is that I have to break up with you either way. It´s not fair that I keep on doing this with you, it´s not healthy for neither one of us."

He nods, squeezes my hand and then tries to smile. "Thanks for at least telling me the truth."

"I care about you enough to be as honest as possible. And I hope we can maintain at least a civil relationship, after all we do work on the same place and we´re both very passionate about it."

"I get it."

"Once again, I am sorry."

"Stop saying that," he says with a chuckle and I nod. "Just remember to be happy, okay? You deserve it, with or without him."

 

*********

 

I sit down on the booth, a sigh of relief escaping me as I finally feel calm and relaxed. I smile at Charlotte as she walks over to me, looks around and then slides into the booth, wiggling her eyebrows as she stares at me.

"You look good. Did you talk to them?"

"I talked to Jannik and solved the whole thing with him, now I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel good with myself, knowing I am finally doing the right thing with him."

She nods and reaches out for my hand, squeezing it. "I actually wanted to apologize to you, Tim."

"For what?"

"I feel like I somehow encouraged you to make things with Jannik more serious than you wanted, which caused all of this mess to happen."

"You didn´t do anything, Lotte. I have been messing with Jannik´s feelings for a whole damn year and had to go through all of this to admit to myself how much of a jerk I was being. This is all on me, you got nothing to worry about."

"I know it was ultimately your decision, but still..."

"Stop talking as if you´re somehow blamed for any of this, okay? You wanted the best for me, you encouraged me to make a decision about my relationship with him and I did the wrong one. I did a mistake when I went after him after our first night out together, I should have said goodbye and walked inside, I should have said no when he invited me for a date. From the moment I met him I started using him, this week was just me paying the price."

"But everything is okay now, right?"

"Everything´s okay." I wink at her and she nods, a wide smile on her face. "So, your birthday party is tonight. Is that still on?"

"Of course it is. I booked a nice little private area at the club, invited some friends from Uni and from music class, we´re gonna drink, dance and just have some much needed fun."

"I like it. Is Hans going?"

"You mean the guy who´s gone out with me three times and is already calling himself my boyfriend? Yes, he is going."

"Oh, it´s getting serious," I say with a smirk as she rolls her eyes.

"I doubt this will last long, but he is a good person, so why not at least try."

"As long as you´re not in love with someone else, I think it might work."

"Talking from experience?"

"Yes."

We both laugh just as her name is called. She looks back at me, lets out a frustrated sigh and gets back up. "You can bring someone with you tonight if you feel like it, okay?"

"I´ll think about it."

"I´d love to actually meet him."

"Just go do your job, okay?"

"I´ll see you tonight."

"See ya."

 

**********

 

I walk through the automatic doors, my eyes wandering through the lobby before I head straight to the front desk, my finger tapping on it as I wait for someone to come and talk to me. A young lady puts the phone done and walks to me, a bright and welcoming smile on her lips.

"Guten Tag," she says softly and I nod. "What can I help you with?"

"I have a friend staying here, his name is Armand Hammer and I need to speak with him."

"Sure, I´ll check which room he is staying and let him know you´re waiting."

"No, please. Look, this is his last night in town and I wanted to surprise him, so you could please give the room number and I´ll go myself?"

"I´m sorry, but we´re not allowed to do that. I can ring him and if agrees, then you can go up there."

"You don´t understand," I practically mumble. "We haven´t seen each other in a whole year, no messages, no phone calls, absolutely nothing. Now he is here in the same city as I am, but he leaves tomorrow and I would love to surprise him. It´s really important, can´t you please do this for me?"

"Sir, I´m terribly sorry, but I can´t do this."

"What´s happening here?", a man asks as he approaches us. He is in his mid forties, his suit fits his body perfectly and he has a very serious and intimidating look upon his face.

"I´m sorry to disturb, sir. But I have a friend staying here, he is very important to me and I would like to surprise him. I know you are not allowed to let people in without the guest´s consent, but this is his last day in town and it would mean a lot if you allowed me in, because I am not sure I will be able to do this any other time."

"Who´s the guest?"

"Armand Hammer."

"Mr. Hammer asked not to be disturbed by anyone, not even us. He had some work to do."

I sigh, wishing I could just roll my eyes right now. That man and his passion for his work.

"I´m in love with that man, okay? We´ve been apart for a whole damn year and I need to talk to him before he leaves town. I swear this won´t cause you any problem."

They both stare at me for a second, then glance at each other, their expressions impossible to read. I sigh, bouncing from foot to foot as I wait for them to come into a decision.

"Give him the room number."

"Thank you, thank you so so much."

"Mr. Hammer is on the fourth floor, room 414."

"Thank you." I smile at her and quickly rush to the elevator, my hands trembling as I wait for the door to open. I go inside, along with two young ladies and lean against the wall, trying to keep myself calm so I won´t mess this up.

When the doors open, I rush out of it and look straight to the door ahead of me. Armie´s room is just down the hall and I nearly run to it, but stop as soon as I am standing in front of the door; I close my eyes, take deep breaths and replay everything I rehearsed in front of my bathroom mirror. When I finally feel prepared for this, I knock on the door; I hear his voice, then his footsteps approaching the door and when the doorknob turns, I take a step back so I can get a good look at his eyes.

"Tim?"

"I hope you can change your flight, because you´re not leaving this country until we solve everything between us."

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pour your heart out. How do you think this will go?


	60. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally let it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have reached chapter 60...who would´ve thought.

"I hope you can change your flight, because you´re not leaving this country until we solve everything between us."

There´s a moment of complete silence that follows those words, my hands shake even more than they were, my lips are suddenly tightly pressed together and it seems like I got this huge lump on my throat. Armie´s eyes are intensively staring into mine, a million of expressions going through his face until he actually steps aside, opens the door wider and gives me enough space to walk in.

I do so cautiously, my eyes wandering through the entire place. I stop facing the large windows, the white and blue curtains allowing some extra light in. I take a couple of deep breaths, trying to stabilize my heartbeat and make sure the words I spent so long rehearsing are still fresh inside my head. When I finally feel like courage has taken over me again, I turn around and become face to face with Armie, who´s standing about five feet away from me.

He´s got his hands in his pockets, his eyes are uncertain and he manages to look everywhere but me. Looking at him, having him so close to me makes me want more, makes me want to leap into his arms and kiss him until my lungs give out. But I can´t do this, at least not right now. Despite the fact we did manage to discuss some things when we first ran into one another on Monday, I feel like now is the time to actually pour out whatever we inside of us.

"I´ve messed up, okay? Is that what you want to hear it? I´ll admit to you and everyone else, I´ve fucked up big time. I was lonely and broken, Armie, I was feeling abandoned by you and I desperately needed to find a way to numb the pain I was feeling. So Jannik showed up, Jannik and his beautiful smile, his nice stories and his gentle voice; Jannik liked me right away and I liked him too, although not how he would have expected. It wasn´t an easy decision to get involved with him, I debated whether it was right or wrong many times before and after our first kiss. But he gave me something I was craving, which was a way to forget about you and everything we had been through, even if just for a couple of minutes."

Armie remains serious and quiet, but I can already see the tears that are filling his eyes. It´s not easy for me to stand here and tell him all of this, I can only imagine how it feels to hear.

"And I know I should have stopped this a long time ago, I should have told him the truth, that no matter how hard I tried I would never love him. But I was selfish, I only did what I thought was best for myself. And for a while I actually thought being in a serious relationship with Jannik would actually help me move on for real, that I would find the courage to push you to the back of my head and take your picture of my wall, but that didn´t happen, not for a minute. You were still there, hunting my every dream, my every move and driving me insane. I questioned myself, Armie, I wondered if I was actually still in love with you or if it was all an obsession I had developed. I wondered if I wasn´t simply attached to the memories of us because aside from my boyfriend you were also my teacher and taught me so much . But the moment I saw you in the middle of the street, the moment you turned around and gave me that brief smile, I knew that nothing had changed inside of me. I knew that I was still just as madly in love with you as I was the day I left your apartment for the last time."

I let out a sigh, a heavy weight finally leaving my shoulders with each word that leaves my lips.

"And then I did the worse thing I could have done. I completely forgot about Jannik´s existence, I blocked everything other than us from my mind, like I always do. I wasn´t lying when I said I am often blinded by you, Armie. When we are together, us is all that matters to me and that´s what happened on Monday. I should have told you about Jannik, I should have told Jannik you were back before anything happened between the two of us, I should have done a bunch of things differently. But I didn´t and I disappointed you, but guess what, you disappointed me too when you broke up with me a year ago."

"Timothée, I..."

"Let me finish," I say quickly and instead of a look of confusion or annoyance, I see a smirk creep on his face. "You disappointed me when you acted so quickly and did to me exactly what you were blaming me for. You didn´t think, you didn´t ponder on the consequences of your action and that killed me, Armie. I spent days questioning your feelings for me and I was so fucking angry that it was making me physically ill. The first two months were something I never want to go through again in my entire life, because when I was alone in my apartment, or when I spent hours inside a plane here, I could only think about why all of this was happening. But then there was this other thing that made me even angrier, because it made me feel like fool." I sigh, shaking my head. "I kept wondering how you were feeling with all of this."

A minute of silence follows, Armie takes a step closer to me and closes his eyes, taking on a deep breath. "Can I speak now?"

"Yes."

"Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake I did in my entire life, Timothée. Nothing else that happened in my life, none of the previous mistakes will ever compare to the gut wrenching feeling I got when I watched you walk out of my apartment with rage in your eyes. I spent days inside that goddamn apartment, staring into that fucking wall, thinking about every single thing we went through, reminiscing about all the good times we had there and crucifying myself for what I put you through. I cried, I screamed and I broke things; I tried to write millions of texts that I always end up erasing, I wrote long emails that remain unsent. Partially because I wasn´t sure those words would be able to convey exactly what I was feeling and what I wanted to tell you, but mostly because after I wrote something, I always saw myself as the asshole who would only end up hurting you even more for sending those things."

He lets out a breath, his body rigid and his face a deep crimson.

"So, you´re right, I fucked up. I fucked up when I kissed you and then spent weeks acting like it had not happened. I fucked up when I got in a relationship with you and caused you to lie to your own friends. I fucked up when I didn´t tell you right away what had happened between Connor and I. I fucked up when I broke up with you without a second thought. I was trying to do the best thing, I was trying to be the best boyfriend I could be to you, even if that meant letting you go. I know I fucked up big time and maybe if there was a way to turn back time, I would do things differently. But seeing the sparkle in your eyes when you talk about Stuttgart and your experience in the company so far, that makes me hate myself a little less, it allows me to see a silver lining."

"Which is?"

"Even in the middle of all the pain I put you through, even if you and Jannik have a messy relationship, you were happy to be here."

"Had," I say and Armie arches an eyebrow. "Me and Jannik had a messy relationship."

"You broke up with him?"

"I shouldn´t even have started anything with him, Armie." He nods and I take a few steps closer to him, my hands itching to reach out and touch him. "Do you think we can go back to what we had over a year ago?"

"I doubt it," he says and I nearly feel my heart break into pieces again. "But we can try a new version of it, perhaps."

"Timmy and Armie 2.0?"

"Something like that."

I sigh and watch as he closes the gap between us, his hands sliding to cradle my face, his thumb rubbing my skin softly. I close my eyes, enjoy the sensation and wait for him to press his lips against mine, but that doesn´t happen. When I open my eyes again, he is staring at me with the biggest smile ever on his face and my heart beats faster as I see how much love there is in his eyes.

I was a fool to believe that things would go so easily, that we would see each other again, sleep together and just go on from where we left of. We needed this conversation, we needed to set the cards straight and make sure we both understood what the other had been through. Is there more I want to tell? Yes, there is. Just like there´s more I want to know, but for now I got what I need. Which is him and nothing else.

"Are you gonna kiss me or am I gonna have to do this myself?"

He chuckles and presses his lips against mine, softly and tender at first, savoring the taste as much as we can before our arms wrap around one another and we give in to passion.

 

**********

 

Hours have passed, the sun has set and the room has turned dark and quiet. Lying on my stomach in bed, I keep my eyes closed and a peaceful smile on my lips as Armie´s hands run up and down my naked back. He is careful not to lay all his weight on me as he straddles me, squeezes my shoulders and drawns low and long moans from me. My hands reach out for his thighs and I scratch him with my nails, loving the little grunt that he lets out before he lies on top of me and kisses my neck.

I bite on my lip, completely immersed in the happiness and peace that he brings me. I giggle as he starts leaving kisses down my back, his beard tickling my skin. When he reaches my lower back, just inches away from my bare ass, he stops and takes a hold of my waist. Since I am lying in between his legs, it doesn´t take him longer than two seconds to turn me around, his blue eyes locked on me.

I slide my hands up his stomach, his chest and then wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. He knots his fingers on my hair with one hand, tightly holds my hips with the other and kisses me with so much ferocity that I am left breathless in a matter of seconds, my whole body burning and earning for more, for him.

"Wanna go to a party with me?" I ask once I have finally regained my breath.

"What?"

Armie has buried his face on my neck again by now, his lips attached to my skin and his voice coming a bit muffed. I chuckle, cradle his face and make him face me once again.

"My friend Lotte, she turns twenty four today and she planned a party at a club we normally go to. So since you´re leaving tomorrow night and I don´t plan on wasting any minute I got with you, I thought that maybe you would like to join me."

"I´d love to." He says with a smile. "Ansel told me a few things about Charlotte, I think he´s slightly jealous of her."

"What?"

"Yeah, I always felt there was some weird tone he used whenever he mentioned her."

"Oh, I´m so gonna use that against him."

Armie laughs, rolling over to the bed as I turn to my side and wrap an arm around him while resting my head on his chest. I listen to his heart beat, while my fingers trace his chest hair and I take in his scent. Oh, how I´ve missed his smell, an intoxicating mix of earth, pine, musk and a bit sweetness; a smell that is all his and no one else´s and nearly leaves me high.

He runs his fingers through my hair, kisses my forehead and then wraps his arms around me. We remain in complete silence for a moment, simply enjoying each other´s warmth and company. I tangle my legs with his, rub my toe against his skin and smile broadly as he laughs. Even if I knew I was still very much in love with him, not even in my wildest dreams did I think being back with him would be just as thrilling as the first time.

"So, what time is the party?"

"She said seven, but we can be there a bit later." He hums and I look up at him. "I do have to stop by my place to put on some clean clothes, though."

"I´ll get ready and then we´ll head to your place." I nod and he leans in, kissing me quickly. "As for me leaving tomorrow night, I am sure I can change my flight to Sunday."

"Really?" I ask excitedly, rolling over on top of him. "I know you have the studio to take care and you probably have to check on the construction workers, so if you need to go tomorrow I will understand."

"I have to be back in New York on Monday afternoon for a meeting, so I can postpone my flight for one day. Sadly, that´s all I can do right now."

"It´s enough for me."

He smiles, tucks a few curls behind my ear. "We need to discuss how this is gonna work, though."

"I know and we´ll do it, but not right now, okay? We still have like an hour until we have to leave for the party, so let´s make the best out of it."

Armie arches an eyebrow, rolls us over and hovers on top of me with a mischievous smile on his face. "Oh, I have the perfect idea on how to do this."

"Oh really? Then show me what it is, Mr. Hammer."

He kisses me again, hungrily and passionately, his hands firmly on my body. I moan, my body going pliant to his touch as I wrap my arms and legs around him. I´ll let him take over my body, my heart and my soul. I´m all his, now and forever.

  
  


**********

  
  


Armie lies on my bed, his legs swinging back and forth as he stares at the ceiling and waits for me. I´m standing in front of the closet, going through every single outfit I got and hating every single one of them. Through the mirror reflection, I can see as he sighs, looks to one side then the other, taps his fingers on the mattress and throws his head back to look out the window, even if it´s all upside down. I bite on my lip as I watch him, my eyes sparkling and my whole self filled with joy. This is what I have always wanted for my life, to be with him. Anywhere in the world, last year, this year or in twenty years from now. Him, always him.

“Your friend is texting you," he says as he takes quick look at my phone, which was buzzing on my bed.

"She´s just hurrying me up, no need to worry."

"Can I do something to hurry you up?"

"You don´t get to hurry me after a year away, mister."

"Ouch, that hurt."

"My poor baby," I say with a pout and lean in to place a kiss on his lips. He holds onto my waist, pulls me so I am straddling him and I laugh, wrapping my arms around his neck. "You´re gonna end up distracting me even more now."

"Perhaps that´s my job here, distract you until you decide it´s better to stay home and just crawl under the blankets." I smirk, feeling the shivers that run down my entire body as he rubs my thigh. "Think about it, in this scenario you don´t have to worry about outfits, or getting an Uber and spending money with drinks. We got all we need right here."

"Aaaaaaarmie."

Armie chuckles and leans his forehead against mine, his hands travelling all the way to my back as he pulls my body even closer to his. I cradle his face, feeling his beard against my palm and smile, my eyes closing in a moment of pure happiness and peace.

"I see a very nice light grey long sleeved shirt from here, paired with some nice black jeans, your coat and boots will be perfect." I open my eyes and move back a little, arching an eyebrow as he shrugs. "What? I´m helping."

"I hate how you make such little things feel so incredible." He smiles and leans in, kissing me softly before getting up with me. "I´ll just take a minute, okay? We´ll leave right away."

"Take your time."

I nod and reach for the clothes, putting them on a quick as possible so I can then try to tame my hair. I run my fingers through it, groan a little as some curls just bounce back to my face and run to the bathroom, wetting my hands before I run them through my hair again, now finally being able to style better.

Armie smiles broadly at me when I make it to the feet of the bed, his blue eyes on me for a long moment before he gets up and takes my hand. He pulls my body close to his and I hold onto his waist while staring into his eyes. They are so beautiful and hypnotic, I could stare at them for the rest of my life.

"Ready?"

"I´m ready." I peck his lips, put on my coat and take his hand in mine, intertwining out fingers as we make it out of the apartment. "Are you ready to meet Charlotte?"

"Ansel said she´s kind of the German version of Sarah, so I think I can handle." He winks down at me and I nod. "Although, Sarah can be quite intimidating sometimes."

"I´m sure she loved having you around when I was not. You were always her favorite client."

Armie laughs, nodding his head. "So I´ve been told."

"I´m so glad she never tried ballet, this could be a totally different scenario right now."

"No, it wouldn´t." He leans down, kisses my temple and disentangles our fingers, only so he can wrap an arm around me. "I would have found you one way or another."

  
  


**********

  
  


"Herzliche Glückwunsch," I whisper in Charlotte´s ear as I hug her tight, her face buried on my neck and her fingers on my hair. I place a few kisses on her cheek and smile as she pulls away enough to look me in the eyes, a joyful and beaming smile on her lips.

"I´m so glad you made it, Timmy."

"I would never miss your birthday, Lotte."

"Thank you."

"I already told you this today, but I wish you all the best in life, Lotte. Thank you for gracing me with your fun spirit, you are the reason why I didn´t go completely crazy over her, specially on the first couple of weeks. I´ll be forever grateful."

"Are you trying to make me cry, boy? Because it´s still early and I need to keep this makeup intact." I chuckle and hug her once again before she turns her full attention to Armie, who´s been standing beside us the entire time. "And you must be the famous Armie Hammer. The best boyfriend and ballet teacher in the world."

"I´m not sure about any of those things to be honest."

"Well, that´s what I got from everything Timmy told me."

"He likes to exaggerate a little bit when it comes to me so, I wouldn´t keep your hopes up."

"I like you already," she says with a smile and Armie chuckles. "You are also a lot more handsome in person, which is kind of annoying, because you are already extremely gorgeous on photos."

Armie bites on his lip, a little blush coming to his cheeks as Charlotte giggles and I link arms with him.

"Thank you," he says softly.

"I know you leave soon, Armie, but I look forward on getting to know more about you from yourself. I also hope you guys enjoy the party and take some time not only to celebrate me, but also the fact you are back together."

"Thank you, Charlotte."

"You can call me Lotte, Armie." She smiles and then leans in to give him a quick hug. "Now go get some drinks and dance, you guys deserve it."

"We´ll do that."

I take Armie´s hands in mine and lead him to the bar. We are nearly there when the music changes, the first chords enough to cause us to look at one another with beaming smiles on our faces. Armie winks and I shrug my shoulders, allowing him to lead me to the middle of the dance floor. I wrap my arms around his neck, my head resting on his shoulder as he wraps his strong arms around my waist and keeps my body close to his

 

_ [...] Got a picture of you beside me _

_ Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup _

_ Oh yeah _

_ Got a fist of pure emotion _

_ Got a head of shattered dreams _

_ Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now _

 

Armie rubs my back softly, his touch sending shivers down my spine and making me sigh in pure happiness. Being with him again makes me feel at home, makes me feel whole, something I have been struggling with for the past year.

 

_ [...] Unaware but underlined I figured out the story _

_ It wasn't good _

_ But in the corner of my mind I celebrated glory _

_ But that was not to be _

_ In the twist of separation you excelled at being free _

_ Can't you find a little room inside for me _

 

I look up at Armie, my hands now cradling his face, my thumbs rubbing against his beard. He stares into my eyes, a little smile on the side of his lips as his hands move to my waist.

"Is that day as vivid to you as it is to me?" I finally ask as he nods. "Everything was so enhanced, every touch so overwhelmingly pleasuring."

"It was, but to be honest every moment with you is engraved inside my head, rooted on every fiber of my being. The good and the bad."

"Forget about the bads, focus on the good ones and the ones that are about to come."

"And there will be many."

"An entire life."

He leans his forehead against mine, pecks my lips and then leaves little kisses all over my face. "I love you so fucking much, you don´t even understand. And I will probably mess it up again at some point, I will make you mad, but please try to remember that I am only trying my best."

"You are the best, with your rights and your wrongs. I am not asking you to be perfect, Armie, I never did." He nods and I press my lips against his, repeating the words over and over again. "I love you."

 

_ And we'll be together, this time is forever _

_ We'll be fighting and forever we will be _

_ So complete in our love _

_ We will never be uncovered again _

 

_ Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it _

_ I just want you back for good _

_ Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it _

_ You'll be right and understood _

  
  


***********

 

We stumble inside my apartment, Armie´s arms wrapped around my waist and his lips attached to my neck, kissing and biting on the flesh. I smile, giggle and moan, my fingers run up and down his back, inside his sweater and my nails leave scratches all over his back. The little grunts that escape from him bring a smirk to my face, the thrill of causing such reactions on him something I will always love and cherish.

His lips find mine once again, his hands slide down to my thighs and he pulls me up. I gladly wrap my legs around his body, tug on his shirt and moan into his mouth when his beard starts tickling my skin. Armie takes a hold of my ass cheeks while he moves around the apartment, squeezing it from time to time and smirking between the kiss as he hears my moans increase its volume.

He falls into the bed with me on top of him and that´s when we finally pull away from one another. I stare down at him, a wide smile on my face, my hands rubbing his beard and my eyes locked on his. Passion, desire and love, this are all the things I see as he looks at me and I know for sure he sees the exact same thing. I leave kisses down his face and neck, pull on his sweater and let it fall to the ground. I them move to remove his shoes, socks and pants, taking an extra time with the latter and making Armie laugh.

Once he is fully naked, Armie rolls us over so I am under him and he proceeds to do with me the same I just did with him. The one difference is that whenever a piece of clothing is removed, Armie places a kiss on my skin, giving me goosebumps. He teases my cock with the tip of his tongue, plays with my balls and nearly brings me to tears when he opens my legs as wide as possible and traces my hole with his tongue.

I grab onto the sheets, arch my back and call out his name, the sweat already running down my back. His hands rub on my thighs, his facial hair tickles the sensitive skin and I close my eyes in a nearly overwhelming moment of pleasure. I feel his tongue on my body again, a wet trail being left behind as he crawls on top of me and then cradles my face in his hands. His thumb rubs my swollen lips, then push some of my hair back and when he finally kisses me again, our bodies rub together.

Armie reaches for the nightstand, quickly grabs a condom and rolls onto his cock, which not even a minute later is already inside of me. I bite on my lip, throw my head back and sink my nails into his shoulders as he starts moving in and out of me. He goes slow, his face buried on my neck, his breathing loud and labored. His hands runs down my side, holds tight onto my hip and ever so slowly starts to increase his speed. We keep on going for minutes, savoring each stroke, kissing each spot of skin and allowing ourselves to completely give in to the other´s touch. Armie then pins my arms above my head, our fingers intertwined and our lips connected as we ride the waves of our orgasm, both of our bodies trembling as we cum at the same time. Armie collapses on top of me seconds later and I wrap my arms around his body while closing my eyes. 

We could remain like this forever and I would never complain.

 


	61. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You are my home, Armie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short, but filled with fluff.

"I've changed my flight."

Armie's voice echoes in the quietness of the room as we lay together in bed, my head resting on his shoulder, my fingers slowly playing with his golden chest hair while his trace my spine. The moonlight that comes in through the windows casts shadows on his naked body, his skin is soft and warm, his touch delicate despite him being so strong. The past ten hours with Armie have been incredibly sweet and loving, a sense of fulfillment finally taking me over after an entire year of knowing there was something missing.

I look up at him and see that he has his eyes stuck in the ceiling, his expression is calm but at the same time has a seriousness to it that I know well. I stare at him for a moment, cradle his face and make him face me, a small smile appearing on his face as his eyes meet mine.

"Why so serious?"

"I wish I could stay longer, that we could have some proper time to discuss and understand the new implications of our relationship."

"We're in 2020, Armie. Millions of people have to deal with long distance relationships and if they can make it work, so can we."

"Yes, but usually those people have been together for at least a few months before they have to travel across the ocean, Tim. We're together for less than a day and in less than 48 hours we will be separated again."

"Only physically this time," I say softly as I move on top of him, my chin resting on his chest as he holds onto my waist. "I know it's not the ideal situation, I wish we could stay together for longer before you had to go back, but we've been through so much already, Armie, we can make this work too."

"I have no doubt in that," he pushes some of my hair back and then rests his palm against my cheek, causing me to close my eyes as I lean in to his touch. "Still, I wish I could stay here longer, visit more places with you, sneak inside the building to see you dance, get to know a little bit more about your new home."

"Stuttgart is not my home, Armie."

"I know, I know. New York will always be your home, but..."

"That's not what I meant," I say shaking my head as he frowns. "You are my home, Armie."

Armie simply stares at me for a minute, his lips curved in a broad smile. He rolls us over on the bed, making me squeal and leans on his elbows as he hovers on top of me. I wrap my arms around his neck and close my eyes as he closes the distance between us, kissing me softly but passionately. When he pulls away, his forehead leaned against mine, his blue eyes are tender and full of care.

"I love you, Timothée. More than I have ever loved anyone in my life, more than I will ever be able to express. You make my life so much better, because you bring me joy, you make me laugh and smile like no one else could. I'll always be thankful for having you in my life."

"Why do you always have to say something a lot more romantic than what I did?" Armie laughs, rolling over to the bed as I lay on my side, leaning on my elbow so I can look at him properly. "I love you, too."

*******

"Guten Morgen, meine Lieber." I whisper as I climb on the bed, leaving sweet kisses all over Armie's back.

He is lying on his stomach, his face buried in between our pillows and his arms resting on each side of his head. His muscles are on display, his golden skin and the little freckles he has on his back making me smile. He groans, keeps his eyes closed and turns his face to the other side. With a chuckle I swing my legs over his body, sit on his ass and lean down on top of him, kissing his shoulder while my arms lie on top of his and I intertwine our fingers together.

"Time to wake up, Mr. Hammer. You don't want cold breakfast, do you?"

He opens his eyes, a frown on his face as he he turns his face a little so he can look at me. "You made breakfast?"

"Yes, I did."

"Are we in a parallel universe right now, or what?" I bite on his shoulder and he winces before turning around on the bed, which obviously causes me to roll down to the bed. "Since when do you cook?"

"I always cooked, Armie. I've been living on my own since I was eighteen."

"And since we got together you've cooked a total of one dinner, mainly because you wanted to impress me."

"Oh c'mon, you're way better at this than I am. So why bother?"

"At least you're honest."

"Always." He shoots me a look and I roll my eyes, climbing back on top of him. I rest my hands on his chest, our eyes locked and big smiles on our faces. I simply love when we are domestic like this. "So, do you plan on having breakfast or not?"

"Of course," he pulls me down for a quick kiss and then gets up, pulling me with him. "What exactly did you prepare for us?"

"Not much, actually. Thankfully, a good German breakfast doesn't have to involve much cooking, so we got Laugenstangen, which is like a soft pretzel, Volkornbrot, Schlackwurst, raspberry-mint jelly, cheese, coffee and orange juice."

"I didn't understand half of the things you just said, Tim." I chuckle, shrugging my shoulders as I pull him with me to the counter. He leans against it, a proud smile on his face as he takes a good look on it and then turns to me. "Are you trying to impress me, Chalamet?"

"Maybe," I pull on a stool and gesture for him to sit down, which he quickly does. "Is it working?"

"It always works."

I kiss his cheek quickly and then hop on the stool next to his, pouring some coffee on his mug and then on mine. He takes a few slices of the Schlackwurst and bread, exams them for a moment and then takes a few bites of it, nodding as he chews.

"Sometimes it might take a while to get used to the taste, but it's actually really good."

"It's great," he mumbles with a mouthful, making me laugh.

We turn our attention back to the food, my foot lying on top of his as a way to keep ourselves as close as possible even while eating. There's a few minutes of silence, that amazing and comforting silence I only experience with Armie; it's something that makes me feel cozy, complete and even more in love.

"So, I was checking my schedule and it turns out that Friday is a holiday and the company will be closed. So as one does, I got in the internet and brought myself a ticket for New York on Thursday night."

"Are you serious?", he asks with a wide smile as I nod. "Tim, that's amazing."

"I know." I lean in to him, kissing him softly on the lips. "I thought it was a bit crazy at first, but it's been a whole year since I was in New York, I want to spend as much time with you as possible and I am sure my mom will love the surprise."

"I'm sure she will." He says with a hand on my thigh, rubbing it softly up and down. "And I'm make sure to clean the apartment."

"It's the least you could do."

********

We wander through the Palace Square, Armie's arms wrapped around my shoulder while I keep my arm up so we can intertwine our fingers. With a quick look up, I see an expression of pure awe in his face as his eyes take in the entire place. The different mix of architecture, all the different languages we hear as people pass us by; this is one of the things I love so much about this city, the way it seems to embrace so many people.

I untangle myself from him and gesture to the right, watching as Armie nods and takes my hand as I lead him across the square towards the 27 meter high glass cube, also known as the Museum of Art. I take a quick look over my shoulder, smile wide at Armie and pull him close to me just as we enter the building. The museum is incredible, some of the most beautiful works of art I have seen; we make sure to take our time, visit both floors that feature exhibition and pay good attention to every single piece.

Armie is completely in love with the whole thing, with sparkly eyes and an enthusiastic voice, he talks about the art, the building itself and how beautiful it looks in the middle of all these ancient buildings. Once we are finally done with the art, I take him with me to the top of the building, where a restaurant called The Cube is located. There's a beautiful view of the city from up there and as we sit down on our table, the closest one to the window of course, Armie sighs in contentment. I absolutely love to see him like this, happy and free.

"Isn't it weird that the very few times we got to do this, it was never at our home town?"

"Do what?"

"Go out in the street and visit the places we like, do some sightseeing while holding hands and acting like a normal couple." He gives me a side smile and nods his head. "The closest we got to this was when we went out for lunch after the Juilliard´s audition."

"And I fucked things up right after that."

"Armie, we've been through this already."

"I know, I'm sorry."

The waiter comes to us and hands us the menu, asking if we would like anything to drink. Before Armie can even try to say anything, I order us both an Long Island Iced Tea, to which the waiter nods before walking away from us.

When I turn back to Armie, I see he is leaned back on his chair, a smirk plastered on his face as he stares at me. Confused, I look down at myself for a second and then back at him, frowning.

"What? Why are you staring at me?"

"I see you're taking a different approach to our relationship this time."

"I am?"

"Yes, you are. I don't know what it caused this, but you seem more comfortable in stating your own opinions, expressing yourself and being the dominant one sometimes."

I bite on my lip, blink a couple of time and rub my hands on my jeans. "And you're okay with that?"

"I'm loving it."

"For real?"

"Timothée, this is a partnership, we are equals and both our opinions matter. Maybe we didn't deal with that the right way back then, or I didn't, but we can make it better now."

I reach for his hand, my thumb rubbing on his skin and a smile on my lips. "I have a feeling everything will be much better this time around."

"So do I." He winks, then looks down at the menu before turning his attention back to me. "So, what should we order?"

 

**********

We observe the city from the top of the tower, Armie's arms wrapped around me as I lean back on his body. My hands are on top of his, I can feel his hot breathing on my neck and the smile on my face is so damn big that my cheeks nearly hurt. The day isn't over yet, but I can easily add today to the list of best days of my life; being with Armie, exploring the city and seeing the smile and the look of pure amusement on his face.

"This was the first telecommunication tower in the world. Did you know that?" Armie hums, tightening his grip around me as I turn to look at him. "This was one of the first places I visited when I moved here, Charlotte made sure to give me a grand tour during the first week. It was good because I got to understand how the public transportation worked, which helped me when I started to actually live the city."

"I'm sure it also helped you keep your mind busy."

"It did, but that doesn't matter now."

"No, it doesn't." He kisses my cheek and then grabs my hand in his, leading me out of the crowded space. "You have any other places for us to visit today?"

"I have some minor things. Thought you would like to visit some street markets."

"Did you? Or you're just trying to get me to help you carry all the bags?"

"That too."

Armie chuckles, kisses me quickly and then leads me down the tower and out to the streets. The sun is a little lower now, the weather already getting colder as we brace the crowded streets. I always loved going out on the weekends, seeing all the different faces and the overall joyful demeanour people have.

We walk to one of my favorite markets, taking our time while I point out all the different and interesting places on the way; once we are there, we're met with a huge variety of products and we spend minutes inside, choosing fruits and vegetables. Armie makes sure to give me a lecture about how I need to eat more fruits and how he will teach me a couple of smoothie recipes, to which I simply roll my eyes and push him towards the cashier. He laughs, argues with me when I won't let him pay for the stuff and once I finally give up, he kisses me quickly.

By the time we are back to the apartment, we're completely spent, our bodies aching for some rest and our feet hurting more than anything. We place the groceries on the kitchen counter and then throw ourselves on the bed, my head resting on Armie's stomach as he strokes my hair.

"I'm so fucking tired."

"It was worth it, though. Right?"

He turns my face, so we're looking at one another. "I was with you, so it was definitely worth it."

"I forgot how cheesy you can be, Mr. Hammer."

He winks and I chuckle before sitting down on the bed. I stretch out my arms, try to get rid of the knots on my muscles and then moan as I feel Armie's hands run up my arms and to my shoulders, massaging it slowly. I close my eyes, breath in and out, let myself get lost in his soft touch and feel my body relax completely.

"What you say we run the bathtub and have a warm and relaxing bath?" He whispers in my ear and I smile while nodding my head. "Okay, I'll go get it ready, okay?"

I nod again and let out a yawn as Armie gets up from the bed and rushes over to the bathroom. I lean back down, close my eyes again and listen as he moves on the bathroom, opening cupboards, running the water and humming a random song. It only takes me a couple of seconds until I am nearly drunk of sleep, my brain barely making it out what's dream and what's reality.

I feel his hands on my body, his lips on my neck and his voice whispering on my ear. I can barely make it out what he says, but nod my head anyway and hear him chuckle. Everything goes still for a minute, then the bed moves, my shoes are removed and I feel warm and cozy. I drift off completely just as Armie sneaks underneath the blankets and wraps his arms around me while burying his face in my neck.

 

********

 

I jolt up in bed, my hair falling down my face and my breathing heavy. I rub my eyes, let out a yawn and look around the apartment, slightly confused. The curtains are open, the bathroom light still on as Armie sleeps beside me, still on his jeans and shirt. I smile down at him and fix the covers on top of him before slowly making out of the bed; I walk to the kitchen, stopping by the bathroom to turn off the light, pour myself some water and take it all in one go. 

From the counter I stare at Armie as he sleeps peacefully on my bed. My heart wanted this more than anything else, but my mind had doubts that something like this would ever happen again and yet here we are. I lost count of how many times I almost had to pinch myself to remember this was actually happening, that he was indeed with me once again.

I fix the apartment´s heater, lazily walk back to bed and crawl under the blanket, wrapping my arms around Armie and burying my face on his neck. He moves slightly and I go quiet, but he simply lets out a sigh and is back to being perfectly still. Always a heavy sleeper.

I lean on my elbow, watching him with a smile on my face and let a finger trace his beard, loving the ticklish feeling against my skin. I feel a pain in my chest at the thought that this time tomorrow he won´t be here anymore, that I will be alone in this bed, missing him. 

"Don´t think about it," I mumble to myself and lie back down, snuggling closer to Armie as I close my eyes and let myself drift back into sleep.

 


	62. Chapter 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't you ever feel stupid for feeling something."

I blink a couple of times as I roll around on the bed, reaching for Armie but finding nothing but empty sheets. I groan and reach for his pillow, smiling as I take in his scent. Suddenly the smell of chocolate fills the air and I roll over to the other side, my smile only getting bigger once I see Armie by the kitchen preparing breakfast.

I sit down, pulling the blankets with me and stare at him, watching as he moves around the small kitchen as if it was his own, although he barely needs to take a step to go from the fridge to the oven. He starts chopping something and then suddenly looks up, a smirk creeping on his face as he sees me staring. He winks, then turns back to the oven to finish coffee.

I bite on my lip, my eyes roaming through his bare shoulders and back. His muscles are even more prominent now, but still he doesn't look crazily buff, which is something I find extremely sexy. I wet my lips, push myself up and fix my boxer briefs before joining Armie on the kitchen. I wrap my arms around his waist while leaning my chin on his shoulder and get on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. He hums, turns his head back and pecks my lips, making me smile.

"Good morning, babe."

"It was extremely fun getting breakfast ready for you yesterday, but I'm not gonna lie, watching you is a lot more fun."

"I hope you find it as tasty as you find it fun."

"Like I ever disliked something you cooked." I wink at him, place a kiss on his lips and then hop on the counter as he goes back to his cooking. I bite on my nails, inside my head a few questions clouding my thoughts. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Always," he says without even turning back to me.

"Did you have any relationships during this past year?" He stops and by the movement of his shoulders I can tell he lets out a sigh. "I won't be annoyed or anything, Armie. I had this whole thing with Jannik and had my fair share of one night stands, I'm really not one to judge."

"I'm not scared of you judging me or anything, Timothée." He turns to face me, leaning against the fridge with his arms crossed. "It's just, there's no exactly much to tell."

"You can't possible tell me that you didn't hook up with anyone during this entire year, Armie."

"Of course I have, but it wasn't many. Mainly because I was never really the one night stands kind of guy, to be honest."

"I know that." I give him a small and reassuring smile, but then arch my eyebrows and make him chuckle. "C'mon, just tell me."

"I went out with like two guys. It took me a few months to even consider the idea, but I was out one day and thought I could give it a try. It didn't feel good or anything, the guy wasn't very interesting, so it was just a one night thing, which didn't even lead to anything other than a kiss. There was a guy in California I went out a couple of times, though."

"Please, tell me it wasn't Connor."

"What? Are you insane?" I shrug and he shakes his head. "It was a random guy I met while jogging, I stayed in Los Angeles for like eight days and we went out a couple of times while I was there, but that's just it."

"Why were you in California?"

"Helping Mr. Martinez with an event." I nod and he smiles, walking over to me and nestling himself in between my legs. I promptly wrap them around his hips while also wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning our foreheads together. "Anything else you'd like to know?"

"No, I think I am good." He nods and I bite on my lip. "Do you feel weird knowing I was going out with random guys? Like, do you think it's...."

"You have the right to do whatever you want to do with your life, Timothée. You were single, trying to figure out exactly what you wanted with your life, you did what you felt like doing and that's fine by me."

"Are you sure?"

"If you're scared I'd think any less of you because of this, then there's absolutely no reason to worry." He kisses me softly, his hands on my waist, holding me tightly. He pulls away when the computer starts beeping, our eyes immediately turning to look at it.

"Is that Sarah?"

"Yep."

"Isn't it like, five in the morning in New York? Why is she calling?"

"She's crazy, you should know that by now." I chuckle and hop off of the counter, heading over to the computer. I click accept and see Sarah's face show up on the screen. "Why are you up at five in the morning, Sarah?"

"I got back from the cruise in the middle of the night and our dear friends decided to throw me a little welcoming/birthday party. They're still here, actually" She says while looking around her, waving at someone. "They told me what happened, how are you holding on?"

"I'd say he is doing just fine," Armie says while wrapping his arms around me. "Aren't you?"

"Armie?!?!"

Suddenly Ansel and Olivia are also on the screen, the three of them with wide eyes as they look at us.

"Hey, guys."

"Well, no surprise you disappeared again," Ansel says while shaking his head. "I should have figured this had happened."

*****

 

We lie in bed in complete silence, our legs tangled under the blankets, Armie's arm around my waist, his fingers playing with the hem of my boxer-briefs. I got my eyes locked on his, a small and yet extremely content' smile on my lips as I let my fingers wander through his hair and his beard. He closes his eyes sometimes, inhales deeply and then looks back at me; love, care and devotion, all easily seen on his blue eyes that drawn me in like the ocean.

"What time is your flight?" I ask, finally gaining enough courage to break the silence and ask such a dreadful question.

"It's scheduled for 11:30pm."

"You'll be so jet legged tomorrow."

"I'll have enough time to sleep and be okay for my appointments, Tim. You don't have to worry."

"Of course I worry, I always worry about you." He smiles and pulls me a bit closer, our chests now practically pressed together. "I wish we had more time, though."

"We have all the time in the world, Tim."

"I know that, but I wanted you to be able to stay here for the week, then we'd fly to New York together on Thursday." He smiles, his nose rubbing against mine. "There was still so many places I wanted to show you, I wanted us to spend the day at Esslingen, then maybe visit a vineyard. I also wanted to show you around the company, that place is so damn beautiful. You'd love it."

Armie cradles my face, his lips touching my very softly. When he pulls away, he tucks a few curls behind my ear, places a kiss on my cheek and other on my jaw, then smiles wide at me.

"I'll be back here before you can properly miss me, Tim. I can get a flight on Friday night, spend the weekend with you, visit those places you want to show me. Sometimes I might be able to come during the week, surprise you at the company and take you out for lunch. We have our whole lives ahead of us, and no matter if we have to spent all our miles on plane tickets from New York to Stuttgart, or anywhere else in the world we might be in, we are gonna be alright. Okay?"

"Okay."

I lean in to kiss him, wrapping my arms around him as tight as I can and smiling through the kiss as he rubs my back and then fixes the blankets, making sure we're covered.

"Did you tell anyone you are going to New York on Thursday?"

"No, I want to make them a surprise."

"Okay, I'll keep my mouth shut then."

"Please."

Armie doesn't respond, instead he just stares at me with a smile on his lips. When his fingers starts tracing my face, stopping at every single freckle, I close my eyes and bite on my lip, a sigh of contentment leaving me. He pulls on my lip, shakes his head as I look at him and then leans in, capturing my bottom lip in between his.

My hands hold tight onto his waist, my whole body under his spell, my mind thinking only about him. He kisses me softly and slowly, savoring each second before he pulls away and pulls me into a tight hug, his nose buried in between my curls.

"What you say we make some popcorn and watch a film?" He whispers in my ear.

"I think that's perfect." He nods, kisses me once again and then jumps out of the bed, rushing over to the kitchen and opening the cupboards until he finds the popcorn. "Hey, Armie."

"Yes?" He asks as he looks over his shoulder at me.

"I love you."

He smirks. "I love you more."

*********

With a firm grip of my hair, he yanks my head back and attaches his already swollen lips on my neck, sucking and kissing the sensitive skin. With my legs loosely wrapped around his body, I arch my back, a long moan escaping me. His free hand is on my thigh, rubbing, squeezing and running his nails through it. My hands roam down his back, sneak inside his boxer-briefs and take each cheek in my hands, squeezing it as hard as I can.

Armie presses his body against mine, our naked chests rubbing together as I nearly lie down on the counter. The cookie dough we had started is left unfinished on the sink, the flour, and chocolate chips have already fallen to the ground, leaving a mess that we'll both regret once we have to clean it up, but right now we couldn't give a damn about it. He cradles my face, kisses me hard and then pulls on my bottom lip, smirking as I moan his name.

My hands move to his front, grabbing his cock and pumping it slowly, making him shiver and grunt. I can feel the precum smearing all over my palm, the throbbing of his cock pretty much in sync with my own, which aches to be touched. Armie disentangles my legs from around him, pulls me to the ground and turns me around, forcing me to hold onto the counter as he yanks my boxers down to my ankles. When he presses himself against me, his cock is suddenly nestled in between us, a sensation I cherish for as long as I can before he pulls away. He places kisses on my shoulder and my back, then he traces my lips with his fingers and when I open my mouth, he gladly shoves them in.

I suck eagerly on his fingers, coating them with my saliva and smiling to myself as they leave my mouth with an indecent popping sound. Armie rubs my ass with one hand, while the other sweetly teases my hole, pushing his fingers in and out, scissoring them and drawing out long moans from me. He keeps on going until I am nearly in tears, begging him to take me, to fuck me.

The tip of his cock enters me and I arch my back, the feeling so familiar and yet always so damn exhilarating that it seems like it's the first time. We both moan when I take him fully inside, our bodies pressed together, our fingers intertwined and our breathing labored and loud. Armie starts moving slowly, taking almost everything out before he can push it back in again; I let him take full control of the situation, my body his to do whatever he wants.

My curls fall down on my eyes, sweat running down my forehead and my back, my legs spasming. I start thrusting back into Armie when I feel myself getting closer to an orgasm, my whole body on fire and my heart beating so fast it seems like it's about to burst out of my chest. He wraps a hand around my cock, pumps it at the same speed of his thrusts and in a matter of seconds I am a complete mess, whimpering, moaning, shouting out incomprehensible words.

"Don't, please don't," I manage to say as Armie starts pulling out of me. I reach my hand back, hold onto his neck and pull him closer to me. "Let me feel you inside of me, please."

A grunt leaves Armie and he kisses me furiously, his body going rigid and pressing me against the counter. He curses, his lips pressed against mine and our eyes locked as he starts cumming. The feeling of his cum inside of me is too much and I orgasm seconds after him, coating his hand with my sperm. We both collapse on the counter with a heavy sigh, our legs trembling way too much for us to do any major movement.

When he finally pulls away, Armie takes my hand and pulls me with him to the floor, where we sit down tangled in each other. He pushes some of my hair back, kisses my forehead and my nose, making me chuckle and then wraps his arms tightly around me. Cleaning and shower can wait, right now we want to spend as much time on each other's arms as possible.

********

 

"You're gonna call me every day, right?"

Armie chuckles, his body shifting on the bathtub and his arms wrapping around me. He places a kiss on my shoulder, his warm lips a contrast to the now cold water.  I lean my head back against his shoulder, let my hands rest on top of his and close my eyes, a little sigh escaping me.

"Yes, I'm gonna call you every day."

"And we'll FaceTime too, right?"

"Absolutely, I won't waste a chance to see that beautiful face of yours." He kisses my cheek and rubs his nose against my skin; when I open my eyes, a smile appears on his face, but it quickly disappears as he notices my expression. "What? What's wrong?"

"We're gonna make it work this time, right? Distance and all?"

"Weren't you the one who said we're in 2020 and many people make it work, so there's no need to be worry?"

"Yeah, but that was before."

"Before what?"

"Before. Now we only got a little bit more than four hours together and I already miss you."

"We'll see each other Thursday night."

"After a whole year apart, it just feels a bit dangerous to spend so much time apart right at the beginning of our relationship."

Armie sighs and pushes me off of him. I bite on my lip and turn around, now sitting opposite from him on the bathtub. He takes my hands in his, kisses them both and then smiles at me, reassurance in his eyes.

"It's not gonna be easy, Tim. We're gonna miss each other like hell, we're gonna wish we could be together all the damn time, but right now is what we got and we have to make the best out of it. I'm gonna do everything I can to come here as much as I can, to spend as much time with you as possible. We were patient enough to hide our relationship for nearly four months, we can deal with this just fine."

"Okay."

He leans closer to me, those big blue eyes staring straight into my eyes. "We are gonna be alright."

"We're gonna be alright."

Armie holds onto the sides of the tub, his body way too big for it, but he still manages to somehow lean on top of me, his lips on mine and my hands cradling his face.

"I love you," he whispers. "More than anything."

"I love you, too." I say with a smile, leaning my forehead against his. I rub his cheeks, watch as he winks and chuckle.

*******

I lean my head on Armie's shoulder, our fingers intertwined as we sit in silence in the crowded airport. My eyes wander to the screen right on top of us, the flights information haunting my every thought. One week ago I had started a relationship with Jannik, tonight I watch Armie leave with my heart broken, but with the hope of seeing him again on Thursday.

It's weird how easily things can change, how tricky life can be. My whole world turned upside down this past week, but in the end it was exactly what I needed to stop and think about what I truly wanted and to no surprise at all, what I wanted was Armie. It had always been Armie.

I feel him squeeze my hand and snap out of my thoughts, sitting up straight so I can look him in the eye. He gives me a small smile, wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me to a hug, which already leaves me with tears in my eyes. I hug him tight, burying my face in his chest as he chuckles softly.

"Hey, there's no need to cry."

"I'm so damn stupid, ain't I?"

"For crying?" I simply nod and Armie lets his hand run down my hair. "Of course not. You're anything but stupid, Tim."

"I'll be seeing you on Thursday night, there's absolutely no reason for me to cry."

"So what? You want to cry, then cry all you want." He pulls away from me, his hands sliding up to my face, wiping away my tears and stroking my cheeks. "Don't you ever feel stupid for feeling something."

"I wish you could stay more."

"I wish I didnt have to leave at all. That I could stay here and be with you every hour of the day."

"I'm sure Stuttgart would love to have you in their company."

"My ballet days are over, Tim."

"There are so many other things you could do in the company. Be a consultant, be part of the board, help choose the pieces we'll perform and the dancers. You're great, you'll always be great and anyone would be lucky to have you."

"And that's exactly why I have to get back to New York and finish my academy, to give those needing children and teens the chance they deserve."

I smile through my tears, my heart warming everytime I think about how amazing he is, how he is always willing to help others. I chose him well.

"That's the only reason why I am allowing you to leave right now."

"Oh, really?"

"Really. I was planning on handcuffing you to the bed, but then I remember the kids you're gonna help and decided I couldn't be so greedy."

"You can handcuff me any day," he whispers leaning in to my ear.

"Don't give me ideas, Hammer."

Armie winks and I hug him again, placing a kiss on his shoulder. He strokes my hair, kisses my temple and then pulls away again, this time a sad look in his eyes.

"I should go now." I take a quick look at the screen, see his flight will be leaving in less than twenty minutes and nod, aware he needs to go through the boarding gate. "This week will go by so fast, you won't even miss me."

"Too late for that." He chuckles and pulls me to a kiss. I hold onto his shirt, keeping him close to me as much as possible and deepen the kiss for just a second, pulling away before we can get too carried away. "I love you, never forget that."

"I will never forget." He kisses me once again, this time quicker and then leans his forehead against mine, trying his best to smile. "I love you and I will be waiting for you at the airport on Thursday. "

"Can't wait."

"Me neither."

He kisses me yet once again, making me chuckle and then picks up his bag and ticket, heading to the gate line. I stand there watching him, taking in every second I have with him, even if we're distant from one another. He looks over his shoulder, waves and winks at me, making me smile. I do the exact same and then bite on my lip as I watch him disappear from sight. 


	63. Chapter 63

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée starts rehearsals for the new production while also trying to get used to the long distance relationship.

"Bitte," I say as I take the coffee and croissant in my hands, a little smile on my lips as the lady nods at me. I turn around, my eyes wandering for an empty table when suddenly Jannik shows up at the door, his blue eyes finding me almost immediately.

"Hi," he says as he approaches me.

"Hey, how you doing?"

"I´m okay. You look a bit tired, though."

"I didn´t really sleep well last night. I dropped Armie at the airport, there was traffic on my way back and then I couldn´t sleep for hours, so I..." I sigh, shaking my head as Jannik looks down to the floor, his hands stuck in his pockets. "I´m sorry, I shouldn´t be talking about him with you."

"No, it´s okay...I think." I chuckle and he shrugs. "I´m still trying to navigate through all of this, you know, trying to understand what would be okay for us to talk about and what would not."

"I have a feeling Armie will always be a not."

"Probably. But I am sure it will be for the best." He points over to a table and I nod, following him to the back to the cafeteria. "I heard that you got the main part on the new production."

Shit. So much happened on the last week, I didn´t even managed to personally tell him that. Not that it would have made anything easier to be honest, but still, he was around all this time, seeing my struggle to become the best version of myself. Now it kind of seems like I betrayed him twice.

"Yes, I got it. I was going to tell you, but then..."

"Things happened."

"Exactly."

"You must be so excited about it."

"I am. Well, I´m freaking out, but I´m mostly excited about it."

"Fear is part of the job, but you are so amazingly talented, Timothée, you´ll do great."

"Thank you."

"Oh, I got an acting gig."

"Are you for real?" He nods and I smile, actually really happy for him right now. "Jannik that´s amazing, I know for how long you´ve been wanting something like this to happen. But how will you deal with the company and the acting?"

"Oh, it´s a small thing. It won´t take me more than three days to shoot."

I nod, giving him a genuine smile. "I´m really happy for you, Jannik. I´m sure you´ll do great."

"Thanks. I´m happy for you too, you know." I arch an eyebrow and he chuckles, shrugging his shoulders. "Okay, I´m trying to be happy for you."

"That sounds more like it."

 

*******

 

I sit alone in the middle of the room, my legs stretched out in front of me and my hands rubbing up and down my thighs. I take a quick look around the place, the beige walls, the high columns and the most amazingly painted ceiling. I sigh happily, a smile appearing on my face as I let my mind wander back to my first private classes with Armie; the way he so carefully explained things to me, the way he touched me and helped me with my breathing exercises and my turnouts. I remember every single word he would say to me, how much he encouraged me and pushed me forward. If I am here, is not only because of my own talent but because I had other people around me, helping me and Armie, well he was and is one of the most important ones.

I throw myself back, lying on the ground, take in one deep breath before I start warming up. I stretch out my legs, my arms and then sit back down, rolling my shoulders and sighing in relief as I feel all the knots come undone. I push myself up, get en pointe a couple of times, try out a couple Pirouettes and finish warming up with a split. By the time I am up again, people start walking in and I wave at some of the girls and guys, the anticipation for the first rehearsals of the new production starting to get the best of me. 

"Guten Morgen," Denise shouts as she enters the room, sheets of papers and a pendrive in her hands. "Today we officially start rehearsals for our new production, it will be intense and tiring, but know that I will be here to help you guys in everything you need."

I bite hard on my lip, bouncing from one foot to the other as I cross my arms. My heart is pounding on my chest by now, my hands shaking a little bit as I take in deep breaths. Denise walks over to me with a small smile on her lips, takes my hands in hers and I try my best to smile back at her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Nervous as hell."

"You´re amazingly talented, Timothée. I know this is your first time as a main danseur, but we didn´t choose you for nothing, we did it because we know you can make it."

"Thank you for this opportunity. I won´t let you down."

"I know you won´t." She winks and places a kiss on my cheek before heading back to the front of the room, setting up the music. 

I take a quick look at myself in the mirror, take in a deep breath and put on a smile on my face. This is finally happening, my first big production as a main danseur and although I have another million of things going through my head, this has to be my main focus.

"Okay, all eyes on me."

I start the first movements, paying close attention to every single step Denise makes and every single word she says. I get en pointe, my right foot sliding to the side in a semicircle, my arms extended to my sides. A Pirouette comes right after, followed by a quick Arabesque and then my arms move to second position as my body gives in to the slow music.

 

********

 

I shift under the covers, taking a few sips of tea as I scroll through my Instagram page, liking a few pictures of Sarah, Olivia and Ansel. I access my gallery, which is now filled with photos of Armie, scroll through a couple of pictures and choose one of the many ones we took during his weekend here in Stuttgart and add it to my stories, making sure I tag him and add as much heart emojis as I can along with the I miss you line.

He instantly shows up online, a direct message coming in right away. I chuckle at his message, send him a couple of hearts and then start a video message, watching his face fill up my screen right away. His beard is a little bigger, his lips are curved in a smile, but his blue eyes are tired.

"Hey, shouldn´t you be asleep by now? You need to be up early tomorrow."

"I slept in the afternoon, so I´m not really tired. Besides, I really wanted to see you today."

"I miss you, you know?"

"I miss you, too."

"How was your day? Rehearsals are going good?"

"Rehearsals are going great. I can´t wait for you to see it, maybe you can even give me a few tips on making a few moves look better."

"I´m sure whatever you are doing is already perfect, Timmy."

"And that´s a lie, because we can always get better."

"That is true, but you are doing your best and your best is enough."

I smile wide, shaking my head as he chuckles. "How are you, babe? You look extremely tired."

"I am. Worked until five, then had to go all the way over to the construction and see how things are going. There´s so much bureaucratic work to take care of and I just can´t wait for it all to be done, you know?"

"I wish I could be there to help you out."

"You being here during the weekend will be enough for me to recharge my batteries."

"Is that so?"

"Sleeping with you on my arms is all I need right now."

"I love you, okay? I love you and as long as I am there I will do my best to help you."

"Tim, you´re coming here to spend time with your friends and your family, not to deal with my work."

"Your work is part of who you are, so if you need me to help you out, then I will help you out." Armie smiles, a sweet look on his eyes as I bring the phone closer to my face. "And I won´t take a no for an answer, you hear me?"

"Yes, sir."

"I also didn´t forget about that whole 'you can handcuff me anytime' thing, you know?"

Armie laughs and for the first time since he showed up on my screen, he actually looks relaxed. "I can´t wait to have you here, seriously. Only you can make me feel so relaxed and at ease with everything around me."

"And I´ll always be here for you, just like I know you´ll do the same for me."

"Always." 

"Now, you should go to bed and rest a little bit."

"I´ll call you tomorrow morning, okay?"

"My morning or your morning?"

"I´ll find a middle ground," he says with a chuckle and I nod. "Love you, Tim."

"Love you too, babe. Sleep well and dream of me."

"I always do that, no need to ask me."

"Good to know," I wink and blow him a kiss, watching as he smiles and his cheeks turn a bit brighter. I giggle and blow yet another kiss as he laughs and waves off, ending the call as I laugh. 

Not even a minute later I see a notification from him and click on it, being redirected to his page, where now there's a photo of me laughing while staring out one of the windows of the Kunstmuseum. The caption reads 'light of my life' and a little ballerina emoji, which makes me laugh. How could I not love this man?

 

********

 

I stare at my closet for a moment, my hand going through the clothes hanging there as I try to decide on what exactly I should take it with me. I look back at the bed, seeing the mess I've made and groan, throwing myself down on the arm chair. I reach for my phone in my pocket,  scroll through my contact list and hit Ansel's name, pressing the phone to my ear as I wait for him to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I hope you're not busy or anything."

"No, I just made it home from work. Olivia is in the shower and then we'll have dinner at Sarah. Your boyfriend will be there."

"Yeah, he texted me earlier. Said he might not be able to FaceTime because of it, which is something I am blaming you guys for it."

"Us?"

"Yes. How dare you waste the very little and precious time I have with my boyfriend?" I chuckle, putting my feet up on the bed. "How's things going? Everything okay with Olivia and Emma?"

"They are perfect. I can't wait for you to come here and see it with your own eyes, the way things are going you won't have the chance to actually be face to face with Olivia while she is pregnant."

"That's actually not true," I say with a cheeky smile as Ansel goes silent for a minute.

"You have plans on coming here?"

"I'm actually packing as we speak, my friend. Well, actually I am trying to pack, but you get my point."

"Armie shows up for one week and suddenly you're booking a flight back to New York."

"Hey! I thought you wanted to see me?"

Ansel chuckles. "Of course I do, man. I miss you."

"I miss you too, dude. I miss all of you so damn much."

"When are you coming?"

"My flight is tomorrow night, but I'll probably be seeing you guys on Friday afternoon or something."

"You want some private time with your boyfriend before we come into the picture, I get it."

"We spent a whole year apart, we'll need every single second we can to make it up for the time we wasted."

"Is understandable. Do your parents know you are coming?"

"No, they don't. You and Armie are the only ones who know and I hope you can keep it this way, I wanna surprise people."

"I'll keep your secret, buddy." He goes silent for a moment and I can hear Olivia's voice in the background. "I have to go now, Tim."

"Is okay, go and say hi to Armie for me. Tell him I love him and that I bought the handcuffs."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" I laugh, shaking my head and hear Ansel groan. "I hate you."

"No, you love me."

"Bye, Tim."

"Bye bye, see you Friday."

"Yeah, alright."

I end the call the moment I hear a knock on the door. I arch an eyebrow, push myself up and head to the door, smiling as I see Charlotte standing there with a couple of bags in her hands.

"I was bored at home and decided to come here and see what you were up to." I open the door wider, allowing her in and she smiles, heading straight to the kitchen and taking the boxes out of the bags and pushing it over to me, while I sit on a stool. "I stopped by that little Thai restaurant down the street and bought us some food."

"Thanks, I'm so focused on packing I didn't even prepare myself something to eat."

"You're focused?" She asks, her eyes wandering through the mess my apartment is in. "Because it seems to me you have taken everything out of the closet and just scattered around the place."

"I don't know what to take it with me. I'm terrible at packing because I always want to have as many options as possible."

"You need to be objective. Think about how many days you're staying and those key outfits you know you'll always look good in it. Although you are staying with Armie, so you might end up not using that many clothes." My eyes widen and she shrugs. "Am I lying?"

"Not exactly."

"Then we can cut the amount of clothes in half."

"Oh c'mon, it's not like that."

"It's exactly like that," she jokes and I roll my eyes. She leans against the counter, a mischievous smile on her lips as she pulls me closer. "Have you stopped to think that now you guys are living in different countries, whenever you are together it will basically be your test for when you're actually living together?"

"I have and it's kind of weird, but also very interesting. I was spending most of my time in his apartment back then, but I had my own place to run to whenever I felt like it. Now I don't have that anymore, so we just got back together, but it's actually like we are living together. Only difference is we'll see each other for three days each month probably."

"Oh c'mon, even that has a silver lining."

"Which is?"

"You won't get bored of each other."

"Yeah, I doubt getting bored is a possibility in our relationship."

Charlotte rolls her eyes. "Sure, throw in everyone's faces how amazing and interesting you guys are."

 

*********

 

I let out a sigh as I lean against the sink, my eyes locked on my reflection as I push some of my hair back. My body is heavy, my muscles burning and all I can think about is lying in my bed for a few hours to recharge myself. I dry my hair off, throw the towel on one of the baskets and grab my bag and phone before heading out of the bathroom. I take a quick look at some of my notifications, a smile on my face as I see some messages from Armie. Every single time he called or messaged me this week, it has only made me even more eager to get to New York than I already was. 

I bump into someone, my primary instinct to just curse at whoever it is and walk past it, but the moment I look up, I see it´s Jannik. He looks at me over his shoulder, a little smile on his face as I sigh and let out a little chuckle.

"Sorry, blame it on social media."

"I always do," he says with a shrug. He waves at some of the guys he was talking to, then quicken his pace to keep track with me as we walk down the hallway and over to the restaurant. "You joining us tonight?"

"Huh?"

"Some of us are heading to that new bar downtown, we heard there´s live music, good food and even better drinks."

"Oh yeah, Sam told me something about it and honestly it sounds great, but I can´t make it."

"Oh c´mon, it´s gonna be fun."

"I bet it will, but I have a flight to take at eight, I can´t make it."

"You´re traveling for the holiday?"

"I´m going back to New York for the weekend."

"Wow, you haven´t been there ever since you left last year."

I nod, looking around the restaurant for an empty table. "Figured it was time to get back. I have been promising my parents I would do so for months now and..."

"And there´s Armie," he finishes as I shrug. "Well, I hope you have fun. I´m sure your family and your friends can´t wait to see you again."

"And I can´t wait to see them."

"I´ll see you on Monday then, right?"

"Right." 

Jannik nods and leans closer, but stops himself before he can do anything. He shakes his head, leans back and stands his hand out, shaking my hand as I smile slightly.

"I´ll see you around, Tim."

"See ya." I let out a sigh, kind of unsure how to react at what just happen, but walk over to an empty table anyway and take a seat. I reach for the menu that´s on the table, flip through a couple of pages and then put it back down as the waitress walks over to me.

"Hey, Tim. What can I get you today?"

"Pasta with grilled vegetables and a lemonade, please."

"Just that?"

"The cons of being the main danseur is you have to make some sacrifices."

"I´ve heard that quite a lot, actually." She says with a chuckle and pats my shoulder. "I´ll be right back."

My phone starts ringing as soon as she turns around and a wide smile appears on my face as I see Armie´s name on my screen. I hit answer and sigh in contentment as I hear his voice on my ear, my heart already beating faster, imagining how amazing I will feel once I am actually back at his arms.

"...how are you?"

"Tired as hell, but so excited to see you tonight."

"I can´t wait to have you here, babe. I cleaned the apartment, changed the sheets and have a little surprise prepared for tonight."

"Armie, you don´t have to do anything. Just pick me up at the airport and we can go out for some food, that´s enough for me."

"But not for me, I want to do it, don´t worry."

"You´re unbelievable."

"I know."

"And a bit cocky too."

"I know." I laugh and he does the same. "At what time is your flight? I wanna make sure I get things done on time."

"It´s schedule to leave at eight."

"Okay, I´ll get everything done here. Does anyone know or you´re still keeping it a secret?"

"Ansel knows."

"Of course he does," Armie chuckles and I lean back on the chair, nodding at Alex as she places my order on the table. I mumble a thank you and she winks at me before turning around, heading back to the kitchen. "Tim?"

"Sorry, I was distracted by my food."

"As long as it was by the food."

"And what else would it be?"

"I don´t know, cute ballet boys?"

"I only have eyes for one ballet boy...man, actually."

"Oh really? Do I happen to know him?"

"I don´t know, he´s a great ballet teacher in New York and is about to open a huge academy where he will do some great job, you might have heard his name around."

"Wow, you sound smitten."

"I am completely head over heels, sweetie, you have no idea."

A moment of silence follows and then I can hear Armie sigh once again, a beautiful little sound that makes me smile and feel whole. "I´m counting the seconds to see you again. It´s weird that we´ve spent a whole year apart and yet this week has been hell."

"Believe me, I know the feeling."

"Well, I won´t waste more of your time. Go eat something and get some rest if you can, I´ll see you tonight."

"Okay. Love you."

"I love you too, Tim."

 


	64. Chapter 64

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée goes back home.

I sit quietly on the airplane, a magazine in my lap and my eyes on the window, staring into the pitch black skies and imagining what waits for me when I land, with a bright smile on my face. I spent the last year avoiding New York with all my forces, knowing being there would bring painful memories, despite the fact that is my hometown and the place where I have always felt comfortable to be in; but now, after everything with Armie has been solved, once we have said everything we had to say, my heart beats faster with the anticipation of being back in the city, seeing everything and everyone again. It´s a pity I don´t have my old apartment to come back to, though.

I reach for my pocket, take my phone out and check the last messages I received before the plane took off. Ansel sent me one, saying how excited he was to have me back in the city and Armie, always so caring and charming, sent me loads of photos hinting at what exactly he had prepared for us. I can see glimpses of a Risotto, some fruits and Gim, my mind going wild as I start to imagine all the possibilities for later tonight.

In some ways, it almost feels like I am back to our first date, the night I walked inside his apartment for the first time and he had prepared the most incredible night of my life. I turn off the phone again, place it in my pocket and lean back on the seat, closing my eyes and letting out a long sigh. New York, I´m coming back.

 

*********

 

The plane lands in New York at eight thirty, the usual bureaucratic procedures taking me no longer than five minutes to get it through, but my luggage decides to be the last one on the baggage carousel, which leaves me even more impatient and agitated than I already was. When I finally have everything with me, I walk as quickly as I can to the airport´s common area, my phone in my hand and my eyes attentive to everything and everyone around me.

I bite on my lip as I see all those happy and crying families, but no familiar faces, my heart beating faster every second that goes by. I close my eyes for a second, take a deep breath and try my best to relax; there´s absolutely no reason to act like this, everything is going to be alright. 

"Let me guess, you thought I forgot about you."

I turn around slowly, biting on my lip as I see Armie standing there with a grin. I walk over to him, wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down for a kiss, aching to feel his body and his lips against mine. One week away now seems almost like eternity.

His large hands hold protectively onto my waist, his lips move in synchrony with mine and my entirely body burns with love and desire. When he pulls away, his cheeks are flushed and his beautiful blue eyes are sparkling bright and staring into me almost as if he is reading my soul. I smile, cradle his face and he kisses my palm before pulling me to a tight hug, his fingers stroking my hair and his lips against my ear.

"I´ve missed you so fucking much, Tim."

"Worst week of my life," I reply and he chuckles, pulling away enough so he can look at me. "Seriously, after a whole year away, I thought this would be easier, but it was actually worse than I predicted."

"But you´re here now, that´s what truly matters."

"And I can´t wait to enjoy the city with you, see my friends and my parents."

"Bet you can´t wait to sleep too, huh?"

"I slept on the plane for quite a while, actually, so I´m ready for your surprise."

"Of course you are." He kisses me quickly and then reaches for my bag, carrying it with him as I wrap my arm around his and lean my head on his shoulder as we leave the airport towards the parking lot. 

It takes a while for us to reach his car, but we quickly get in as we do so and I lean my head back on the seat, a broad smile on my lips as Armie sits beside me and lets a hand rest on my thigh while the other is on the wheel. I take a quick look at him and wink, making him chuckle and squeeze my leg. It feels good to be back home.

 

*******

 

There´s a strange feeling as I stand beside Armie on the corridor, waiting for him to open his apartment door. The last time I was here was just before Christmas 2018, when I left him the typewriter under the tree and walked away feeling like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Now, over a year after it, I stand here once again, only this time my heart is bursting with happiness and excitement; this time I am envisioning a brand new future for us, where we will be happier than ever before.

He slides the door open and walks in, heading straight upstairs so he can drop my bag. I stand by the door for a second or two, my eyes roaming through the entire place just like I did on the first time I walked in here. The apartment is still pretty much the same, the furniture remains on the same places and the decoration still follows a black and white pattern; the posters on the wall have been replaced though and now feature much more dark and angst like images. 

The curtains are left wide open as he usually does, the city below us glowing with the night lights. I walk over to it, my hand resting on the glass as I smile to myself and close my eyes, letting all the feelings inside of me take over. I am back here and it feels so right, it feels like home.

"How does it feel to be back?" I look over my shoulder and smile as Armie walks over to me, his arms wrapping around my waist and his lips placing a quick kiss on my temples. "I know that nothing has in fact changed, but..."

"It feels like walking in here for the first time, but at the same time it feels like walking inside the house I lived in for the last twenty years."

I turn around on his arms, my hands resting on his arms as he leans his forehead against mine. We stand still for a minute, eyes closed and calm breathing, enjoying the seconds we have with each other. I want to make sure I cherish every seconds of us while we are in this bubble, because I will need it for when I´m back in Stuttgart and away from his touch.

"I have to finish dinner. Do you wanna help me?"

"If you think I´m letting go of you for even a second during this weekend, Armie, you´re completely wrong."

"Then let´s go," he says while taking my hand in his and leading me to the kitchen. I take a look at the bowls and pans he has left it there, bite on my lip and lean against the counter, waiting for him to give me any instructions. "Chop on the onions, okay?"

"Yes, Mr. Hammer."

He chuckles, pulls on my chin and kisses me quickly. "Leave that for later."

I nod and kiss him once again, before turning my attention to the onions, chopping as tiny as I possibly can while Armie busies himself on the stove. I take a few looks at him over my shoulder, unable to contain the smile and giddy happiness inside of me, feeling as whole as I have ever been and ready to make everything I can to guarantee this relationship will be strong and lasting.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Huh?" I ask as I snap out of my thoughts and find Armie staring at me with arched eyebrows and a smirk on his face. "Sorry, I kind of got lost in thought."

"Nothing new, actually." He mocks as I roll my eyes and he laughs. He walks over to me, pinning me against the counter and leans in, teasing me for a while before he actually allows our lips to touch. 

I wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers rubbing on his short hair and my left leg slowly raising against his side before I hook it over his ass. His hands roam through my body, find my hair and he pulls on it, making me moan as our lips part; he stares down at me with lustful eyes, his swollen lips shining and driving me crazy.

"I need to finish dinner," he whispers, his body burning against mine, his hard cock pressed against mine.

"Who cares about dinner right now?"

Armie smirks and wraps his arms around me, pulling me up as I gladly wrap my legs around his hips. His lips trace my skin while my hands run down his back and inside his jeans, tightly squeezing his ass as he moans softly against my ear. He walks up the stairs slowly, our cocks rubbing against each other´s body through our clothes, our breathing getting heavier and the desire to be skin against skin increasing more and more each second that goes by.

Once we´re upstairs, Armie throws me on the bed, a giggle escaping me as he crawls on top of me, his lip trapped between his teeth, his blue eyes dark with lust. I take off my shirt and kick off my shoes, grab onto his sweater and force it out of him as fast as I can manage to do without throwing him out of the bed and then pull him to me and roll us over on the bed. He lies there with his eyes locked on mine, his cheeks flushed and his chest heaving; the bulge in his pants is mouth watering and I can´t help but let my hand rest on top of it, slowly rubbing his cock and watching as he throws his head back and moans my name.

I take off his shoes, unbutton his jeans and pull them off of him along with his briefs. I run my nails down his thigh, watch him shiver with my touch and then lower myself, placing soft and wet kisses all over his thighs. I take his cock in my hand, give it a few quick strokes and then slowly let it past my lips, taking inch after inch while my eyes remain on Armie, who´s looking at me intensely. I swirl my tongue around the head, hear him gasp and then sink my nails into his flesh as I finally take him whole.

I bob my head up and down, close my eyes and let myself go, savoring him, hearing him moan and curse. His hand slides to my hair and he grabs a fistful of it, guiding my movements as I smile from the corner of my mouth and open my eyes again, our eyes locking in the most sensual and dirty way possible. I feel his legs trembling, his breathing get shallower and his cock throb inside my mouth, the first drops of precum already coating my tongue. 

I keep going for a while more, but as much as I would love to have him cum in my mouth, I have other plans. I pull away, licking my lips as I kneel down on the bed and remove my pants and boxers, my aching cock finally free and climb on top of Armie, feeling his cock rub against my hole. He pulls me down for a kiss, his hand sliding down to my ass, squeezing it and spanking it before he teases my hole, opening me up as I moan against his lip.

I reach out for his cock, guide it to my hole and slowly lower myself on it, resting my hands on his chest for support. I groan, whimper and close my eyes, my back arching as I feel him fill me. Armie holds onto my thighs, rubs them softly and when I open my eyes, he is staring at me, a smile on his face as I start moving my hips.

 

**********

 

I let out a yawn as I open my eyes, the brightness of the apartment making me groan and turn around quickly, burying my face in between the pillows and pulling the covers on top of me. I let my eyes close once again, try my best to relax and get back to sleep, but the little annoying voice inside of me doesn't allow.

_ You have one weekend in New York, with your boyfriend and your friends, you can't possibly be thinking of wasting your precious minutes lying in bed. _

I curse to myself, sit down on the bed and look around the place, catching a glimpse of Armie as he sits on the counter, computer in front of him and a mug on his hand. I bite on my lip, a goofy ass smile taking over my face as I stare down at him; he's so focused on whatever he is doing, he hasn't yet noticed me moving up here. I quickly get up, find my boxers in the middle of the chaos that is his bedroom floor and put it on before walking down the stairs.

When Armie finally looks up at me, I stop by the bottom step, mouth agape as he smiles. He's wearing glasses, which is something I have never seen before and he manages to look even better than he already is, which is borderline annoying to be quite honest. He stands his hand out and gestures for me to come closer, which I gladly do, feeling his arms wrap around my waist as I stand between his legs.

My hands instantly go to the glasses, which I take it off of him and put it on, frowning as my vision gets a little blurred. He chuckles, a sweet sound that will always make me smile; the wrinkles around his eyes make it all even cuter. I lean down to kiss him, moaning low as his hands slide down to my ass and squeezes it.

"Since when you were glasses?"

"You're dating an old man, Timmy."

"You're thirty three, you're far from old, Armie."

He smiles, his lips leaving quick kisses on my shoulder blades and then my neck. "I have been using for less than a year, actually, but it's only when I'm on the computer or watching tv."

"Aww, my poor baby."

"The age is catching up."

"Stop it!" I playfully smack his shoulder and he winces, pretending to be in serious pain. He then winks at me and I lean down to kiss him again, quickly pulling away as I realize he shouldn't even be here. "What the hell are you doing here, Armie?"

"Last time I checked I lived in here."

"No, why you're not at the studio?"

"You actually thought I would go to work when you're here for only one weekend?"

"Damn it, Armie. You don't have to cancel your classes because of me."

"One day of class won't kill anyone."

"You spent a whole week in Stuttgart, Armie and now that you're back you cancel class again? That's not good for your business and I don't wanna be the reason why you lose students."

"Can you please calm down? I'm not gonna lose students because of this, Timothée."

"Still, I don't think it's fair. You got so much work to do, I don't want you to cancel it because I am here."

"Seriously, stop worrying about this. It's just one day of class, everything will be okay. Besides, I'll take this time to go visit the construction and you're coming with me."

"Oh, I'll love to go. I can't wait to see the place where soon will be Mr. Hammer's Ballet Academy."

"You make it sound way more important than it is."

I shake my head, pressing myself even closer to him. "It is important, Armie."

"Yeah, but not...."

"It is important, there's no discussion." He nods and I wink at him before pecking his lips. I pull a stool closer to his, sit down and take his mug in my hand, taking a few sips of coffee as he turns his attention back to the computer.

*****

"Bye, have a nice day."

I wave at some of the workers, who simply nod at me and then run out of the building to catch up with Armie, who's waiting for me by the door. I link my arms with his, a broad smile on my face as I lean my head on his shoulder and we walk down the street.

"So, what's your verdict?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I ask as he chuckles. "I fucking loved it, this is better than what I could have imagined and it already looks great, so I can only imagine how beautiful it will be once is done. That small theater on the third floor? That's my favorite part of it and I can't wait to see the types of presentation your students will have there."

"Not gonna lie, I have spent lots of night lying awake in bed thinking about that too."

I look up at him, see the shy smile on his face and can't help but feel my heart fill up with love and admiration. The man I love is one of the most amazing people I have met in my entire life and I couldn't be prouder.

"You have any idea how proud of you I am? How happy I'll be the day of the inauguration? Watching you on that stage, talking for a lot of people and sharing your concept for the academy. I'll be the proudest and happier man in the world."

"Watching me? You'll be there with me."

"No, I won't. That will be your day and the spotlight should be on you."

He rolls his eyes, his arm wrapping around my shoulder. "We'll discuss that later. Now we have a reservation on a restaurant around Central Park."

"I thought we were going to cook lunch,” I say kind of confused as Armie shakes his head.

"So it can end like yesterday night's dinner? No, we're going to a restaurant."

"You sound like you didn't like the outcome of yesterday's dinner, yet you spent most of the night moaning my name."

"Oh, I loved the outcome, but we need to eat." He says with a chuckle. "Besides, I have a little surprise for you."

"You do?" He nods and I smile. "Okay, then let's go."

He winks at me and we walk down the streets and to the closest subway station. We take on the train, all the while I keep talking about how Ansel and I used to bust some moves in the middle of the platforms during our high school years, of how one day us and Olivia started singing in the train, annoying the hell out of everyone around us. Armie chuckles, shakes his head and squeezes my shoulder, our bodies pressed together as we sit down.

It takes me a while, but then I realize this is it. This is the first time we're actually out and about in New York, our hometown, as a couple that has absolutely nothing to hide. A couple that can be free and open, express our love just like any other one. It took us a whole damn year to achieve this, but we finally did it and I couldn't be happier.

I give him a quick peck on the lips, making him smile and lace our fingers together. When we finally reach our destination, he leads me out of the station and back to the streets, the buzzing life of New York making me smile from ear to ear. We walk for a few more blocks before we finally reach the restaurant.

He leads me in, talks to the hostess, who walks us to our table and halfway through, I can't help but smile wide, watching as my parents, Pauline, Ansel, Olivia and Sarah all stand there.

"You told them," I whisper as he squeezes my hand.

"Sorry, but I just couldn't help myself."

"Just because I really want to be with them, I will let you off the hook this time."

He chuckles and then leans closer to me, whispering on my ear. "Go ahead."

I turn to face him, give him a kiss and then rush over to my parents and Pauline, giving them a big and tight hug.

*******

"I'm just so happy you are here, Tim." Olivia says while hugging me for the tenth time on the course of the last hour and a half. She made sure to shoo Armie away from me and sit right beside me, her hands playing with my hair from time to time, while I constantly let mine rest on her belly. There's a wide and bright smile on my face, one I simply can't contain as I sit here surrounded by my favorite people in the world; if Charlotte was here, it would be the perfect afternoon.

My parents made sure to reprimand me for only now coming to New York, Pauline, with who I haven't spoken in a few days, begs me to take some time to explain exactly how me and Armie got back together and Sarah, always the most aggressive one, didn't waste the opportunity to say how shitty of a friend I was for not texting her on her birthday, which I did, but she was on a cruise and didn't get it. All the while, Armie and Ansel remain mostly quiet, a few chuckles here and there, but mostly they keep their comments in between them. At first, hearing about how close they had got, I admit I was a bit weirded out by the idea, then even a bit jealous, but now I couldn't be happier. My best friend and my boyfriend are friends, what else could I want?

"Okay, but you gotta promise us you won't take a whole other year to come to New York."

"No need to worry about that, mom. I'll be back as soon as possible, I promise that."

"Of course he will, his boyfriend is here, he has to come get some di...," Sarah stops herself before she can finish her sentence, all eyes turning to her as she bites on her lip.

"Maybe no more Mimosas for you, Sarah." Armie says as he takes the drink away from her, who groans.

"Sorry, I got a little carried away there."

"As usual," I mock and she sticks her tongue out. "But I'm not gonna lie, having a boyfriend here will guarantee that I see you all more often, because I can't leave a man like this one all alone in New York for too long."

"Thank God for Armie then," says Olivia as Armie chuckles.

"By the way, if any of you want to share your miles with us, we won't mind."

I laugh, but nod my head anyway. "Yeah, travelling between New York and Germany every weekend won't be very cheap."

"Or you could just come back," my mom says and I smile softly at her, wrapping my arms around her shoulder.

"Now that I'm finally gonna be the main danseur in a production?"

They all turn to me, wide eyed and mouths hanging open. I chuckle, nod my head and feel my mom hug me as tight as she possibly can.

"I'm so proud of you, honey. You have no idea."


	65. Chapter 65

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New York bliss

Ansel and I lean against the counter in silence, our eyes staring out of the window, watching as snow falls outside. Ansel´s name is the first to be called and he quickly reaches for his cup, taking a few sips right there as he waits for me. The barista calls out my name only a few seconds later, I turn around and take the cup in my hand, watching as he gives me a smile, which I try to reciprocate as best as possible.

Ansel smirks, nudging me softly and I look up at him, rolling my eyes. He shrugs and then leads me around the place and towards one of the very few empty tables. I sit across from Ansel, take my coat and scarf off and then rub my hands against the cup to steal some of the heat. 

"So, tell me everything."

"About what exactly?"

"C´mon, Timmy."

I chuckle, shrugging my shoulders. "You already know pretty much everything there is to know, Ansel."

"Fine, you want to be specific? I can do that." He takes a few sips of his coffee, leaning back on his seat, before he locks eyes on me. "How´s things going with Armie?"

"Hasn´t he told you? You´re best friend now, figured you´d know everything."

"Oh, I see. Is your jealous side that is coming out, I get it."

"Excuse me? I don´t have a jealous side."

"Paul would beg to differ," he says with a quick raise of his eyebrows. "Or you forgot about that time you were about to attack him because he decided to talk to Armie after class?"

"Okay, so you wanna know about me and Armie, right?"

Ansel laughs, shaking his head. "You little shit."

"In all seriousness now, things have been incredible. It´s weird to think that we only spent four days together after we started dating again, but even if we´re gonna be distant from one another for most of the time, this time things feel better and easier. Maybe is the fact we already know a lot about each other and it´s easier to navigate, or because there´s no need to hide anything from anyone, or simply because we are older and wiser. I really don´t know what it is, but even if all we did for a week was talk on the phone and FaceTime, it still felt perfect to me, like he was there somehow."

"Well, one thing didn´t change and that´s the glow in your eyes whenever you talk about him."

"I have a feeling that will always be here. I love him more than anything, Ansel. The year apart didn´t change anything, the moment I saw him standing in front of me, my heart was beating so fast it seemed like I was about to have a heart attack and hearing his voice, having his arms around me, it all made sense, my life made sense again."

"I´m happy for you, for both of you." I nod and he smiles. "I saw how bad this break up was to both of you, so I´m glad is all over now."

"Maybe, if you had told me Armie was in Stuttgart things could have been solved earlier."

"I thought about it, to be honest. I wrote you several messages, but end up deleting them all."

"Why?"

"Thought it wasn´t my place to interfere. If it was meant to be, it would be. Turns out I was right."

"Because that´s all that matters in the end."

"Of course." I chuckle and Ansel does the same, before he turns serious. I arch an eyebrow, watch as his finger traces the cup and wait for him to say something. "What about Jannik? Did you guys talk after the break up or you´re keeping yourself away from him?"

"We work together, Ansel, so it´s kind of hard to do that."

"So you´ve talked to him?"

"A couple of times during the week, yeah. Why are you asking?"

"I´m just wondering how Armie is dealing with that part of the situation."

"He´s my boyfriend, I love him, but Armie doesn´t get to choose who I am friends with."

"I´m not talking about him having a say on who´s your friend or not. I´m talking about how he´s dealing with the fact you will be seeing Jannik every single day, because we all know he is still in love with you and it´s not like Armie and Connor who ended things over ten years ago, until two weeks ago you and Jannik were fucking."

I stop and stare at Ansel, biting on my lip as I repeat his words in my head over and over again. I had not stopped to think about how Armie would deal with the fact me and Jannik were still close, I hadn´t even told him we had actually sat down and talked. And even if my gut tells me he wouldn´t actually mind, I know it´s best if I come clean.

"Look, I´m not trying to scary you or anything. I highly doubt Armie will go around telling you to stop speaking with Jannik, but one wonders how someone deals with a situation like that."

"No no, you´re right. I didn´t even tell him Jannik and I sat down for a chat. And I don´t want things to get lost in between us, I want everything to be as clear as possible; after everything we´ve been through, I don´t want more drama."

"I´m sure he will be alright, but it doesn´t hurt to talk about it."

"See, that´s why I need you in my life."

"I´ve been here all this time, the mistakes you did are on you, dude."

"Hey!"

  
  


********

  
  


I slide the door close, my eyes instantly wandering to Armie, who is sitting on the computer table, his eyes locked on the screen. He´s wearing his grey sweatpants, a black t-shirt that shows off his muscles and the glasses are back on, giving me a Clark Kent vibe that is extremely sexy. 

I walk over to him, my hands resting on his shoulders, massaging it for a moment before I slide them down his chest. I kiss his cheek a couple of times, smile as he lets out a chuckle and then turn his face towards me. He leans in to kiss me, his hand moving to hold onto the back of my neck as I deepen the kiss. I will never get over feelings his lips against mine, that´s a fact.

"I need to talk to you," I whisper between our pressed lips.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just want to talk."

Armie arches an eyebrow, sensing something different in my tone of voice. I give him a small smile, gesture towards the couch and he nods, getting up. We sit down face to face, a worried look upon his face as I bite on my lip, thinking exactly how am I gonna start this conversation.

"Tim, you´re starting to scare me."

"No, there´s not need to be scared, I just want to talk to you about something. I should be the one scared, because honestly I don´t know how you´ll react to this."

"Okay, so just say it."

"I know it might be weird, especially now because it is all too soon, but Jannik and I have been trying to maintain the friendship we started back when we met. Sure, that shifted quickly, but we´re trying to get around this and be at least good colleagues, after all we do work in the same place and we see each other every single day."

"Look, I´m not gonna lie, is weird to imagine you and your ex sitting down for coffee or just hanging out in the hallways, but I trust you and if you think you can make this friendship work, than I´m okay. Well, I´m not necessarily okay, but I´ll be."

I can´t help but smile wide, shaking my head as I pull him closer and hug him tight. I feel his arms wrap around me, his lips on my shoulder, which he kisses repeatedly.

"You´re the best boyfriend someone could ask for."

"I´m far from it, but I try my best."

I pull away, take his glasses off and cradle his face. "You are the best boyfriend I could ask for. Actually, you´re more than I ever expected and I am extremely happy to have you."

Armie kisses me, his fingers knotting on my hair as I wrap my arms around him, deepening the kiss with a soft moan. When he pulls away once again, Armie leans our foreheads together and smiles at me, his finger tracing my lip.

"I love you and I already miss you."

"I know the feeling," I say as he chuckles. "Do you wonder for how long we´ll have to go through this?"

"As long as it takes, babe. I want you to accomplish everything you deserve, I want you to charm the whole world with your talent and right now, the place for you to be is in Stuttgart. It´s hard, it´s fucking annoying not to have you here when I get home, sleep without you in my arms, but it´s our reality right now and I rather this than nothing at all."

"You always know what to say, don´t you?" He shrugs and pulls me on top of him as we lie down on the couch, his arms wrapped around me as I let my fingers trace his arm.

  
  


*******

 

I look around the apartment, my bottom lip trapped in between my teeth as take in every single detail. There´s plates, glasses of wine and silverware on the coffee table, candles ready to be lighted up and the cushions all spread around the floor along with the rug. The moon and city light come in through the large windows, making the whole apartment gain a more cozy and romantic vibe to it.

The timer beeps and I rush to the kitchen, carefully taking the fish out of the oven and placing it on the counter. I reach for a nice and fancy plate, move the Salmon to it and smile to myself as I look at how good it looks. I´m not gonna lie, at first the idea of preparing a romantic dinner for Armie was amazing, but the moment I actually started preparing the things, a part of me thought all that excitement came in a time of momentary insanity.

I place the plate on the coffee table along with everything else, open the bottle of wine and let out a sigh of contentment, proudly staring at what I have accomplished. The buzzer rings and I rush to it, hearing Mr. Perez´s voice on the other side; I made sure he would buzz me once Armie made it home, so I would be prepared.

I turn off the lights, light up the candles and then rush to the computer, pressing play on the music and hearing the first chords fill the air just as Armie opens the door. His eyes wander through the entire place, a wide grin coming to his face as his eyes land on me, while I stand in the middle of the room.

"Hi."

"Hi."

I stand my hand out for him and he quickly closes the door and walks over to me. I lace our fingers together, stand beside him and bite on my lip, waiting for him to say something.

"What is all this for?"

"For you...and me."

He looks down at me, slides his hands down to my waist and pulls my body close to his, his lips on mine almost instantly. I grab a fistful of his shirt, keeping him close while my other hands slides up to his face, cradling it and feeling his beard against my palm.

We stumble around the apartment, carefully not to knock anything down and once we are finally by the living room, I pull him down to the floor with me. He knots his fingers on my hair, pulling on it softly and I smile through the kiss, keeping him impossibly closer to me. I pull away once I´m breathless, my chest heaving and my entire body burning; I let my fingers trace his swollen lips, smiling wide as he winks at me and leans forward again, kissing me once more.

"Stop or we´re not gonna make it through dinner."

"Nothing we haven´t done before."

"Yeah, but I worked really hard on this dinner."

"Oh I see, so my dinner can be kicked to the curb, but yours is special?"

"C´mon, look at all the effort I put on this."

Armie smirks, nods his head and then pecks my lips before taking a few sips of the wine. I watch as he reaches for the fish, takes a few bites of it and looks at me, an impressive look upon his face, which makes me laugh.

"By the look on your face, I see it´s better than you expected."

"Definitely." I hit his shoulder and he chuckles, leaning in to kiss me quickly as I giggle. "It´s amazing, Timmy, you did a great job."

"Thank you," I kiss him once again and then turn him back to the food, handing him a plate while I drink some wine. "Okay, there´s some vegetables here and I made brownies too, so enjoy but don´t overeat it."

He nods and turns his attention to the food, one of his hands rubbing on my thighs from time to time, which makes me smile. I stop to stare at him for a second, biting on my lip as I pay close attention to every little thing he does; the way his jaw moves as he eats, his strong arms and his beautiful blue eyes, everything in him makes me feel better and happier, every single day that goes by I feel more and more in love with him. I never even thought it was possible to love someone the way I love him.

We sit there for a while, eating, then talking and laughing, sharing more about how agonizing the week we spent apart really was. He strokes my hair, rubs my lips and pulls me in for quick kisses; I lean my head on his shoulder, slide my hands inside his shirt and feel his ripped body against my palm.

Time passes differently when I am with him, everything seems more enhanced, brighter and funnier. By the time we are eating dessert, Armie tries to feed me some of the brownie, which obviously ends in a mess and us laughing like maniacs. He leans closer to me, his thumb cleaning some chocolate that´s left on my cheek and then he brings his thumb to his own mouth, sucking on it as I bite on my lip.

"Tease," I practically whisper as he smirks and kneels down on the rug, his body now coming closer to me, his large hands cradling my face and making me look up at him. 

I feel my breathing get caught up on my throat, my cheeks burning and my eyes can´t look away from his, which by now are filled with lust. He nestles his legs in between mine, leans down and locks his lips on mine, kissing me with so much hunger and devotion, it seems like he hasn´t been around me in years.

That´s the moment everything around us seems to stop, like the world outside of this apartment doesn´t exist and only what happens here matters. The music changes, a sexy melody taking over the apartment as Armie slowly lies me down on the floor, the cushions all around us. 

 

_ Like a river, like a river, sh- _

_ Like a river, like a river, sh- _

_ Like a river, like a river _

_ Shut your mouth and run me like a river _

 

His body hovers on top of mine, his hands slide down my body, sending shivers down my spine and making my entire body catch on fire. I wrap a leg around his hip, pull his body closer to mine and let my hands slide inside his shirt, my nails scratching his back.

 

_ How do we fall in love _

_ Harder than a bullet could hit ya? _

_ How do we fall apart _

_ Faster than a hair pin trigger? _

 

I pull his shirt off of him, let it fall to the ground and throw my head back as Armie starts kissing down my jaw and my neck, his warm and wet lips, leaving a wet trail on my skin, his teeth biting into my flesh and his beard scratching my skin.

 

_ Don't you say, don't you say it _

_ Don't say, don't you say it _

_ One breath, it'll just break it _

_ So shut your mouth and run me like a river _

_ Shut your mouth, baby stand and deliver _

_ Holy hands, oh they make me a sinner _

_ Like a river, like a river _

_ Shut your mouth and run me like a river _

 

I take a hold of his waist and roll us over on the floor, pushing some cushions away before I straddle him. I take off my shirt, my hands slowly running up his chest and my lips quickly following, kissing every single inch of his feverish skin. 

 

_ Choke this love till the veins start to shiver _

_ One last breath till the tears start to wither _

_ Like a river, like a river _

_ Shut your mouth and run me like a river _

 

Once we are face to face again, Armie smiles up at me, his hands cradling my face and bringing me down for another heated kiss. He pulls on my bottom lip, smirks as he hears me moan his name and then slides his hand down my body, stopping by my ass to squeeze it.

 

_ Tales of an endless heart _

_ Curses is the fool who's willing _

_ Can't change the way we are _

_ One kiss away from killing _

 

I lean my forehead against his, my fingers tracing his bear for a moment before Armie starts kissing all over my face. "I love you."

"Love you more."

"Impossible."

"Try me," I wink at him and he chuckles, rolling us over once more and grinding his hips against mine, my nails instantly sinking into his flesh and drawing a moan from his beautiful shiny lips. 

 

_ Don't you say, don't you say it _

_ Don't say, don't you say it _

_ One breath it'll just break it _

_ So shut your mouth and run me like a river _

_ Shut your mouth, baby stand and deliver _

_ Holy hands, ooh they make me a sinner _

_ Like a river, like a river _

_ Shut your mouth and run me like a river _

  
  


*******

 

I lie awake in the floor, wrapped around Armie´s arms and with a blanket covering our naked bodies. He is slowly running his fingers up and down my spine, his breathing calm and I know he is on the verge of sleeping. I look up at Armie and bite on my lip, his eyes closed and still a wide smile on his face; he looks so calm and peaceful, like he has absolutely no worries in the world and I feel my heart swell with love and devotion.

A smirk comes to his face moments later and I see him open one eye and look at me from the corner of his eyes. I wink at him and move a little closer, leaning my chin on his chest so we can look at one another in a better angle. He pushes some of my hair back, leans in to kiss my forehead and then quickly kisses me on the lips.

"Why you so quiet?"

"I´m just thinking."

"About?"

"My life. I am in a great position at work, my parents are amazing, my friends always so supportive and I have the most passionate and incredible boyfriend anyone could ask for. I have no idea how I got to be so lucky."

"This has nothing to do with luck, Tim." Armie says as he shakes his head and lets his thumb stroke my cheek. "You´re a good person and good people get good things in life, that´s simply it."

"Thank you for being in my life."

"Thank you for allowing me to be in your life."

I sit down, fixing the blanket around me and watch as Armie leans on his elbows, a frown on his face as he looks at me slightly confused. "I was going to ask you to promise me we would always remain this way, but I remembered promises are made to be broken. So just please, love me as much as you do for as long as it lasts and I will be the happiest man on earth."

"I love you with everything in me every since I met you."

"Then just keep on doing what you´re doing and we´ll be fine."

"We will."

He sits down and pulls me close to him, his arms wrapping around me in a tight hug as I lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes, feeling so much happiness that almost doesn´t seem real.

"But it is."

"Did I say that out loud?"

"Yes, you did."

"Oh well." He chuckles, lifts my chin up and kisses me softly, letting his lips linger on mine as we hold each other close.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The music in this chapter is River by Bishop Briggs and it was suggested by acosmicfragment


	66. Chapter 66

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée finds out not all relationships can have a happy ending.

There´s classical music playing as I move around the room  _ en pointe _ , my body perfectly erect and my chin up as my arms stand in fourth position. I do a series of Pirouettes, then proceed to an Assemblé, lifting off the floor in one foot and landing on two. I move my arms to third position, performing an Arabesque and then prepare myself to a series of Grande Jetés across the room, feeling Denise´s eyes on me the entire time. 

I perform a Tour en L´air, then do a couple more Pirouettes and slide to the floor, left knee bent while I throw my head back and allow my hands to run down my torso. I swirl around on the floor, rise back to my feet and then move to an Arabesque, my eyes up to the ceiling. The music starts getting softer and my body follows the sound. I slide my hand down my face and chest, project myself forward and slowly crumble to the ground as the music stops and lie on my side, my head resting on my right arm as I stare into Denise´s eyes.

She turns off the music player, stands up from the chair she is sitting on and claps her hands, a wide smile on her face as she looks down at me. I stand up, sweat running down my back and forehead, every single muscle of my body spasming and aching. I reach for a towel, dry off my sweat and wait for her to say something, anything. 

To be quite honest, despite how proud I am of myself, how much I have worked hard for everything I have done the last year, a part of me is still unsure I am at my peak and well enough rehearsed to be able to be the main danseur at such a big production.

"Also?" I ask in German, my eyes widening as I wait for her to say something. She lets her hands rest on my shoulder, squeezing it softly before she pulls me a bit closer to her.

"Du bist wunderbar, Timothée." She says as she cradles my face. "Your talent is outstanding, Timothée and you will do great as the main danseur in our presentation."

"You really think so? Because I´m still not sure I am giving my all and I might..."

"We chose you for a reason, Timothée. You´re doing absolutely great and there´s no need to be worried, okay?"

"Okay," I say with a smile, nodding my head slowly. 

"Now go eat something and rest, enjoy your weekend. We´re back Monday morning and we´re going back to joined rehearsals."

"I´ll be ready, thanks Denise."

"Thank you for being so determinate to do your job right."

"This is my dream job, I´m only doing what I need to do." She nods and then shoos me away as I chuckle and reach for my bag on my way out. I dry off my sweat, stuff the towel back on the bag and reach for my phone, going through a couple of messages and Instagram posts I have yet not seen.

I rush inside the restaurant and over to the counter, order a Grilled Salmon Salad and a smoothie and then walk over to the nearest table, taking a seat as I check on the time and call Armie.

"Guten Morgen," he says with the most terrible German accent in the world. Well, at least now I know one thing he is not very good at.

"Good morning to you, because I´ve already been through six hours of rehearsal and am now waiting for my lunch."

"Guten Tag then," he says with a chuckle.

"Just stop with the German, will you?" He gasps and I smile at myself just imagining the sight. "How are you doing?"

"Missing you like crazy, but other than that I am doing good. The construction work is nearly done and then we start the decorating and furnituring part of the whole thing, which Sarah has promised she will help me out on...actually, she has forced me to take her help in this."

"I can totally see that  happening," I say as Lisa places my plate down on the table along with my smoothie. "How about your mother, is she there yet?"

"She got here yesterday and we went out for dinner, where she asked the most inadequate questions a mom could ask her son."

I arch an eyebrow as I take a bite of salmon. "What kind of questions?"

"Like how we deal with sex when we spend so much time away from one another," I nearly spit out the food, laughing as Armie sighs. "You´re laughing because it was not your mother who asked you this."

"Well, let´s be honest, Armie, my mom is a lot more subtle than yours."

"That is true. Oh, she also asked when we´re getting married."

"Okay, that wasn´t such an inadequate question. I kind of like that."

"Yeah and we can go back to it once we are actually living on the same country."

"That´s probably a good idea."

"Yes, it is. How are you doing, babe?"

"I´m tired and my muscles hurt like hell, but I am extremely excited to see how the final product will be."

"It will be incredible, because your talent is phenomenal and no matter what you do, it will be perfect."

"You will be here on opening night, right? I don´t think I can do this without you."

"Yes, you can. But I wouldn´t miss the chance to see you up in that stage for anything in the world." 

"Good, there´s nothing I want more than seeing you there on the front row."

"I´ll be there, cheering for you like a mad man and making you embarrassed."

"I highly doubt I will ever be embarrassed by you."

"Just wait and see," he says before taking a pause, on the background I can hear the door sliding close. "Are you still going out with your friends tonight?"

"Friends is a strong word, Armie."

"Okay, you´re still going to your colleague´s birthday party at the club tonight?"

"Yes, I am and I am taking Charlotte with me."

"Good, you deserve to have some fun."

"You know, most guys would be worried about their boyfriend, who lives on the other side of the ocean, going to a club with a bunch of people they don´t know."

"I´m not like most guys apparently."

"No, you´re not."

"Besides, I might not know those people, but I know you and I trust you more than anything in the world."

"You´re definitely one of a kind."

"No, I´m just certain of where we stand and that we love and trust each other. So, at least to me, there´s absolutely no reason to be worried about this."

"I love you, so fucking much and I miss you like crazy. The past three weeks have been hell without being able to touch you, FaceTime is just not enough."

"I´ll tell that to my mom." I laugh, shaking my head as I hear him let out a soft chuckle. "I need to go now, Tim. I need to head to the studio or else my students will be there before me."

"Go and be the awesome teacher I know you are. I love you."

"Love you too."

 

*********

 

I walk out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my waist just as I hear a knock on the door. I rush to it, my eyes going wide as I see Charlotte standing there; she´s wearing high waisted black pants, a burgundy sparkly bodysuit and a black jacket on top. Her blonde hair is falling down her shoulders in perfect waves and her makeup is absolutely perfect. She has never looked so gorgeous.

"Wow."

"Do I look as good as I expected? Because I spent an awful lot of time in putting this together."

"If I was straight, we would have some problems right now."

"I would never get in between you and your Greek God," she says as she walks past me. I close the door behind me and watch as she takes a seat on the armchair and kicks her boots to the side, so she can put her feet up my bed. "And why are you not dressed yet?"

"Because I decided it would be better to call Armie before I left and the conversation turned out to be a bit longer than expected."

"I don´t need details of your phone sex shenanigans, Timmy, you can stop there."

"Who says it was phone sex? More like FaceTime sex." She looks over at me with a smirk and I chuckle, pushing her legs down so I can reach the closet. "I´m joking. His mom is spending the weekend with him and his apartment is not the most private place on earth, so while she is there, not even phone sex is an option for us."

"How do you guys even handle this situation? You haven´t seen each other in almost a month, you have to get through it all with phone calls and seeing him over the phone or computer. Even I am missing that gorgeous giant, can´t even imagine how you´re feeling." I look at her over my shoulder, arching an eyebrow and she chuckles. "Sorry, forgot you´re the jealous type."

"I´m not the jealous type and you people need to stop with this shit."

"Yeah, keeping telling yourself that."

"Anyway, you´re right it´s a sad and sometimes agonizing situation, but it´s all we have right now. Armie has big projects, he is almost done with the remodeling of the building and will soon start the academy. I have finally got a main spot in a production here and I can´t let that opportunity slip out of my fingers, there´s no way we can be at the same city right now, so we have to do our best."

"It shows how much you love each other, actually. I mean, thousands of people go through long distance relationships in the world, but not everyone has an ocean separating them." I shrug and she smiles, slapping my butt, which makes me groan. "Now, get you something nice and let´s get going. The club is on the other side of town and we need to hurry up."

"I already made my mind," I say while picking a pair of jeans and a nice black shirt with some patterns on it. I take my yellow jacket out and lay it down on the bed before rushing to the bathroom to change.

"You can get dressed in front of me, dude, I´m not gonna jump on you or anything. Your boyfriend on the other hand, he´s more like my type, so maybe he should be careful."

"Shut up, will ya?"

I hear her move around the apartment, opening the fridge and the cupboards as I put on my clothes and stare at myself in the mirror, fixing my hair. I slick it back, groan and then run my fingers through it once again, pushing it to the side and watching as some curls fall to my forehead. I bite on my lip, try to push them back, but give up soon enough; there´s no reason to even try it.

I rush out of the bathroom, look through my shoes and grab my black boots, putting them on as Charlotte stares at me from the kitchen. I put on the jacket, fix the collar and then turn to her, raising an eyebrow as she smirks.

"Looking sexy, boy. Everyone will be looking at you."

"Except the only one I want."

"Oh, he´s such a romantic." She jumps out of the counter, rushes over to me and puts her boots back on. "C´mon, I want us to enjoy this night as much as possible."

"Let´s go, let´s go." I push her out of the apartment, locking the door behind me and then wrap my arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer. "So, why isn´t your boyfriend joining us?"

"Because he isn´t my boyfriend?"

"You started going out with him before Armie and I got back together, Lotte. And we´re together for over two months now."

"That means nothing."

"It does actually."

"Oh, shut up, will ya? Not everyone has the perfect relationship, alright?"

"So it is a relationship?"

"Mein Gott, ich hasse dich."

  
  


*******

 

"I love this place!" Charlotte shouts near my ear as she jumps around me, her body swaying to the music and her face colored by the neon lights. The electronic music plays loud as I take Charlotte´s hands in mine, smile wide as we move together around the dance floor, doing silly faces and laughing.

She walks over to me, a seductive look on her face and then wraps an arm around my shoulders, while I take hold of her waist and dip her down to the side. She lets out a loud laugh, hits on my chest and then gives a few more moves, attracting all eyes in the middle of the dance floor.

I take off my jacket, wrap it around my hips and then go back to dancing, sweat already dripping down my back as I sway side to side. I take Charlotte´s hand in mine once again, swirl her around and then she does the same with me, my curls falling down my eyes as I chuckle. 

I´m not gonna lie, at first I was a bit hesitant to come here, but this is exactly what I needed to relax and keep my mind off of work and the utterly agonizing feeling that is to stay away from Armie for so long.

"I´m gonna go get something to drink. Do you want something?"

"Just a beer, please."

"I´ll be right back."

I nod my head and go back to dancing, moving around some of my colleagues from the academy. I laugh, giggle and try out some new moves, letting myself go completely. I feel a hand on my waist and smile, thinking Charlotte is already back from the bar, but the moment I feel a nose brushing against my neck, I turn around immediately, arching an eyebrow as I see it´s Jannik.

"Jannik, what you´re doing?"

"Dancing with you, isn´t it obvious?" He says while moving closer to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me closer to his body. I lean my torso back, making sure our faces are as distant as possible and watch as he smiles wide, a weird look on his eyes and the smell of booze quite strong.

"Let go of me, Jannik." I say while trying to disentangle myself from his grip, but find it hard to do so as he keeps on tightening his grip around me. "Seriously, Jannik, quit it."

"C´mon, Timmy, let´s have some fun."

"I don´t want to have this kind of fun, so just stop this."

"Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, I just want us to dance a little bit, for old time´s sake."

"Fine, then let go of me and we can do that." Jannik chuckles and leans closer to me, his face mere inches away from mine. I turn to the side and feel his lips come in contact with my cheek, while I push on his chest as hard as I can. He is drunk, but the position he got me in and the fact he is much stronger than me, makes it a bit hard for me to move properly.

"Okay, so what you say one little kiss? That sure won´t hurt anyone."

"I have absolutely no idea what you´ve been drinking, Jannik, but I have a boyfriend and even if I didn´t have one, we are no longer together, so get the hell away from me."

"You´re gonna play it coy now, Timmy? I am the living proof you are capable of some sneaking out, so why not?" He says while leaning down, his lips nearly on mine.

"Fuck off, Jannik." I say as I finally find the strength to push him off of me. Jannik stumbles back a little, the look on his face of pure surprise as I feel my blood boil inside of me, a mix of anger and disappointment taking me over. 

Charlotte is standing by my side by now, along with other dozens of people who watch as Jannik and I stare at each other. I take a couple of deep breaths, trying to keep myself as calm as possible as I take a few steps closer to him.

"You have no right to talk to me this way."

"C´mon, Timmy, I didn´t..."

"I don´t wanna hear a fucking word from you." I say before storming away from him, passing through the crowd as I try to make my way out of the club.

"Don´t you dare get near him ever again," I can hear Charlotte yell as I walk away. I nearly kick the door open and inhale deeply as I finally reach the streets, the fresh air making it easier for me to breath. "Tim! Tim, wait for me!"

I stop and turn around to look at her, who rushes over to me with a worried look upon her face. She cradles my face when she finally reaches me and I try my best to keep myself together, even though I have so many feelings going through me right now I could easily breakdown and cry.

"Are you alright?"

"No, I´m not. But I will be."

"You wanna go to my place? We can sit down and eat some junk food, watch a movie and just..."

"I rather go home right now."

"You want me to go with you?"

I shake my head, holding onto her shoulders as she smiles softly. "I´ll be alright, okay? I just need to be alone right now."

"Call me if you need anything."

"I´ll be alright, Lotte."

"I don´t care, I want you to call me anyway. No matter what you need."

"Thanks," I say while nodding. "Good night."

"Good night," I hear her voice on the distance as I walk down the street, my head going in circles as replay what just happened. Out of everything I imagined for this night, this definitely wasn´t one of them.

 

*********

 

I kick the door close behind me, lean against it and let out a heavy sigh. The walk home has never been so daunting as tonight, I never felt so hopeless and small as I did after what happened at that club. I push myself away from the door, untie my jacket from my hips and throw it to the floor, then kick my boots off and then throw myself on the bed, my eyes stuck on the ceiling as I bite hard on my lip.

I move around on the bed, rest my head against the bedpost and reach for my phone in the back pocket; I go through my contact list, hit one of the names there and then pull the covers on top of me, hearing the ringing go on and on. I´m about to hang up when I hear his hoarse voice come through, my eyes nearly watering at the sound.

"Hey, I thought you would still be at the club."

"Did I wake you up?"

"I was just taking a nap while my mom went out to buy some stuff for dinner." He stops for a moment and when he speaks again, the worry in his voice is so clear it breaks my heart. "Tim, is everything okay with you?"

"Yes, it is."

"Why are you lying to me?"

I sigh, rub my face and then sit down on the bed. "Something happened, actually and I don´t really know how to say it."

"You can tell me anything, Tim, you know that."

"Jannik was at the club too and he...well, he started dancing around with me and he was trying to keep me close to him, wrapping his arm around me and at some point he tried to kiss me." There´s nothing but silence for a long period of time and my heart starts beating so fast I feel like I´m gonna have a goddamn heart attack. "Nothing happened, okay? I pushed him away as fast as I could and..."

"Timothée, stop."

"Armie, seriously, nothing happened."

"I believe in you, Tim."

"You do?"

I hear a soft chuckle escape him. "There´s absolutely no reason for me not to believe in you, Timothée."

"It´s just...everything is so new and Jannik and I had some history, I didn´t want you to think I would do to you the same thing I did to him."

"Timothée, you made mistakes, but everyone does that. Besides, you might have cheated on Jannik but you did with me, so I would be a goddamn asshole if I used that against you."

"So...so, we´re good?"

"We are good, Timothée. But what I wonder is if you are okay, because your voice is killing me right now and I am just about to hop on the next plane and go see you."

"No no no, don´t do that. I´m perfectly fine...or at least I will be."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure."

"Then make yourself a cup of tea, wrap yourself around the blankets and get some sleep. Call me if you want to talk, I will answer it whenever you do, no matter what time it is."

"Please, don´t worry about me."

"I´m your boyfriend and I love you, so I´m sorry, but I will worry about you because I care about you more than anything in the world."

"I´m so sorry for bothering you with all of this, you should be spending time with your mother, having fun with her."

"Timothée, stop apologizing."

"I´m sorry," I groan and hit my head back on the bedpost, closing my eyes as I hear Armie´s sweet voice filling my ear.

"Go get some rest, Timothée."

"I will and thank you for being the person you are. If I am being honest, I was freaking out with everything that happened, I was scared you would snap at me or something, but now I realize how stupid I was to think something like this."

"Your were harrassed, Tim, I have absolutely no reason to be mad at you. Jannik on the other hand, he should be happy I am on the other side of the ocean and can´t get to him right now or else I´d beat the crap out of him."

"You are not that kind of guy."

"No, I´m not."

"And I love you for that."

"I love you too. Now go, get some sleep and don´t forget to call me if you need anything."

"Will do that."

"Good night, babe."

"Good night," I practically whisper before finishing the call and throwing the phone to the nightstand. I lie down on the bed, pull the covers on top of me and stare into the ceiling for hours until I can finally get some sleep.

  
  



	67. Chapter 67

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée has a surprise.

My eyes open to the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand, a little yawn escaping me as I move around the bed, stretching my legs and arms. I stare into the ceiling, suddenly the memories of last night coming back to me, the way Jannik held onto me and forced himself on me; a shiver runs down my spine and I rub on my face before reaching for my phone.

I go through a couple of the messages, Charlotte making sure I was okay, Armie reminding me that I could call him whenever I wanted and then Ansel, who still doesn´t know anything about what happened and probably will remain that way for a while. Right now I want to push this to the back of my mind and forget about it, even if only for a couple of minutes or hours.

I toss the phone back to the nightstand, turn around towards the open windows, watching trees blowing calmly from side to side, while also hearing the cars honk on the distant. Suddenly there´s a knock on the door, which makes me sit up quickly on the bed, my confused eyes turning to the door as I wonder who the hell could be here so early in the morning.

The knock goes on and I sigh, pushing myself up and dragging myself through the apartment. I open the door and my eyes instantly go wide, my heart beating faster as he leans against the doorsill and smiles at me.

"Armie, what are you doing here?"

"I tried my best, but I couldn´t simply leave you alone after everything that happened." I shake my head, a small smile appearing on my face as he steps a bit closer to me. "I tried to go to bed and get some sleep, but I couldn´t stop thinking about you, the sound of your voice when you called and that was breaking me. I talked to my mom and she told me that I should do whatever it felt right to me."

"It´s seven thirty, Armie."

"I took the midnight flight."

"You´re absolutely insane."

"Only when it comes to you." I shoot him a look and chuckle as he raises his hand, showing off a paper bag and a cup holder with two cups on it. "I made sure to stop by a coffee shop and brought us coffee and muffins."

"I´m so fucking lucky."

Armie shrugs, walks past me and goes straight to the kitchen, placing the things down on the counter. I close the door, lean against it and cross my arms, watching as Armie moves around the kitchen. He turns to me, winks and then stands his hand out, which I gladly take and let him pull me against him. I wrap my arms around his waist, lean my head against his chest and close my eyes, a sigh escaping me as I feel his fingers trace my spine and his lips on my forehead, kissing it softly.

"Tell me, how are you doing?"

"A lot better."

"Tim, tell me the truth."

"I truly am." I lift my head up, my chin resting on his chest now as I smile wide. "It took me a couple of hours to actually fall asleep, but eventually I was able to relax and get my head out of everything that happened."

"Are you sure?" 

I nod, cup his face with my hands and bring him closer to me, kissing his lips. He instantly wraps his arms around me, pressing me even closer to his body as I smile. After everything that happened, after so long away from him, feeling his body and his lips against mine feels like paradise.

"Thank you so much for being here."

"I will always be here for you, Timothée. No matter what happens, no matter where you are, I´ll always be here."

"You´re the best, you know that?"

"I try." I chuckle and bury my face on his neck as we hold each other as tight as humanly possible. I feel his scent, the warmth of his body and his soft touch, which makes me smile while feeling a couple of tears fill my eyes. 

Thank God he is here.

  
  


*******

 

I laugh as I lean my head against Armie´s shoulder, our fingers intertwined as we each sit on a stool, the remains of breakfast still lying on top of the counter. He leans down, places a kiss on my cheek and I smile, squeezing his hand briefly before we hear someone knocking on the door.

"Are you waiting for anyone?"

"Not, but it can be Lotte. She was pretty worried about me yesterday and sent me a couple of text messages earlier today."

"You want me to answer it?"

"Please," I say while leaning in to kiss him quickly, making him chuckle. He gets up, fixing his sweatpants and I slap his butt, laughing as he glares at me over his shoulder. "Your butt is irresistible."

Armie rolls his eyes, but smirks anyway. I lean my chin on my hand, watch as he makes his way to the door and opens it, only to be face to face with a disheveled and distressed Jannik. I sit up straight, watch as they stare at each other for a moment and feel my mouth go dry. I wanted to talk to Jannik, but I didn´t think I would have to be face to face with him so soon. 

I hop off of the stool and walk over to them, standing beside Armie. He looks from me to Jannik a couple of times, his eyebrow arching as he slowly figures out exactly what is going on; he sighs, wraps an arm around my waist and leans closer to me, whispering on my ear.

"Do you want to talk to him or do I send him off?" I look at him and that´s enough for him to understand everything. He nods, places a kiss on my cheek and then turns back to Jannik, a serious and intimidating look taking over his face.

"I´ll be at the newsstand across the street, call me if you need anything."

"It´s okay."

Armie walks past Jannik without saying a word, but steals a quick look at me before he walks down the hallway. I stand to the side, giving Jannik some space and he walks in, closing the door behind him. He walks towards the counter, leans his hand on it and sighs, before turning to look at me with tear filled eyes.

"Nice of him to give us some space to talk."

"He is that great of a guy."

"Look, I don´t even know how to start, but I just wanted you to know I am sorry for everything that happened yesterday night."

"You´re sorry? Jannik, you forced yourself into me, you said horrible things and acted like a total asshole. No matter what I did to you, no matter how much of a jerk I was to you, that doesn´t give you the right to harass me."

"I´m sorry, Timothée. I was drunk, I didn´t mean anything I said to you last night."

"Then maybe you should have kept your mouth shut. And your hands to yourself."

"Timothée..."

"You know what, Jannik? I don´t even wanna hear your excuses, because I have already made my mind about our situation and it doesn´t matter what you say right now, it won´t change anything."

"What you mean you made up your mind about our situation?"

"I thought we could be friends, I thought we could find a way to have a good relationship despite everything that happened between us, but it´s clear to me now that it will never happen. So honestly, it´s best if we stay away from one another and accept the fact that we can´t be friends, we can´t be around one another without drama and honestly, that´s not good for anyone of us. So from now on, the only relationship between us is strictly professional."

"Are you doing this because of him?"

"Armie? No, I´m not doing this because of Armie, I´m doing this because you clearly haven´t gotten over what happened and I can´t live with the idea that any day you´ll do that again."

"I would never do that."

"I´m sure you would have said the same before last night."

"Timothée...."

"That´s it, Jannik. From now on the only topic we have in common is our work, and unless you and I have to talk about it, I would rather if you stayed away from me."

He stares at me for a few minutes, then sighs and nods his head, heading to the door. I follow him, take a step back when he turns back to me and watch as he goes to say something, but gives up, looking down at his feet as he walks away from me. 

I slam the door shut, a sigh of relief escaping me and then look around the apartment, ready to push this all away from me and move on with my life. I walk to the balcony, about to call Armie to come up and watch as he and Jannik talk in the middle of the sidewalk. I arch an eyebrow, lean against the table and wait until Armie is back inside the building. 

It takes him less than two minutes to walk through the door and over to me on the balcony. He smiles, wrapping his arms around me as I lean my hands against his chest.

"What did you tell Jannik?"

"That if he truly cares about you, he should respect whatever you have decided."

"Armie..."

"What? That´s what I told him."

"You didn´t threat him or anything, did you?"

"Tim, you should know by now that I am not exactly that kind of person."

"No, you´re not."

"But if you want I can run after him and give a good and well deserved punch in the face. God knows I want to do this since you told me what happened."

"There´s no need for that." I chuckle, wrapping my arms around his shoulder, my thumb rubbing against the nape of his neck. "I have better uses for that beautiful hand of yours."

"Oh, really?"

 

**********

 

Armie has his arms tightly wrapped around my shoulder as we walk down the busy streets of Stuttgart. It´s late afternoon, the sun is just about to set, but the mid March weather has made the city a lot more enjoyable and colorful. I smile as I feel Armie´s lips brush against my skin from time to time, his hoarse voice whispering on my ear and making me laugh.

It feels so good to have him around me, to feel his body against mine and feel his heat, even if it took something not so good happening to cause such an impromptu visit. I lace my fingers with his, raise my head and let my eyes wander to him. He´s got a blissful look upon his face as his eyes move around, taking in every little thing that goes on around us; he chuckles at some kid who runs after his parents, smirks at the young couple that walks past us and when a middle aged man frowns as he eyes us up and down, Armie pulls me even closer and kisses my temple.

I chuckle, bump my hips against his and he looks down at me with an eyebrow arched. "What?"

"You did that just to annoy the guy, didn´t you?"

"I did it because I have all the right to walk around town with my boyfriend without people looking at us like he was doing. If I´m being honest, he asked for it."

"You´re unbelievable."

"Am I?"

"Your are," I say while nodding. "You have this gorgeous face on top of an amazing body, this intimidating and very macho stance that oozes out of you, but that´s all bullshit actually. Because the real you is this soft giant, who just wants to do some good, in anyway he can."

Armie stops walking and I turn around to face him, slightly confused. He has a little smile on his face, his cheeks are slightly flushed and his eyes wander everywhere, but me. I chuckle, take a step closer to him and lift his chin, arching an eyebrow as he sighs.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Armie."

"Ever since we started dating, you have nothing but great things to say about me and that´s beautiful, but at the same time kind of daunting. I keep thinking that at any point I will do something that will make you realize that I am just..."

"A normal guy? Because I know that, but I love you so much that to me you´ll never be just a guy. You´ll always be the guy."

Armie sighs, shakes his head and then takes a quick look around the streets. I watch him closely and giggle as he takes my hand and leads me to a narrow and strangely quiet street. He presses me against a wall, his fingers gently caressing my skin, pushing my hair back and tracing my lips.

I look up at him, slide my hands to the back of his neck and play with any hair I can find. He leans his forehead against mine, pecks my lips quickly and then just stands there, our bodies close and our eyes locked on one another.

"I love you so much," he practically whispers and I nod my head. "And I miss you so fucking much, every day and every night, all I wanted was to have you beside me."

"We´ll get back," I start and he nods. "When we least expect we´ll be back in the same city, enjoying every little moment in each other´s lives, sleeping tangled in one another and fighting because of the little things that we get annoyed by."

Armie chuckles and I let my hands slide down his arms until our fingers are intertwined. He looks at me, his eyes roaming through my face for long minutes until he pulls me to a deep kiss, knotting his fingers on my hair.

"Promise me one thing," I whisper in between his lips once we pull away.

"I thought you had learned promises are meant to be broken?"

"Bear with me here, Armie." He chuckles and nods his head. "Just promise me that even if sometimes the distance seems too much of a burden to bear, we will keep on doing our best to make it work."

"I won´t let anything come in between us this time, Tim. You can move to the other side of the world, but I´d still find a way to be with you, even if only for a couple of hours."

"I´d do the same."

"But if you can actually stay only one continent away, that would be amazing."

I punch his arm and he chuckles, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me in for a tight hug. He kisses my hair and smiles down at me as I look up at him. 

 

********

 

I roll around on the bed, a groan escaping me as the sun hits my face and forces me to open my eyes. I pull the pillows closer, snuggling myself into it and close my eyes once again, letting my breathing slow down and my eyes get heavier. Suddenly realization hits me and I sit up on the bed, my eyes wandering around the entire apartment in search for Armie.

For a brief moment I start thinking everything that happened yesterday was a dream and that Armie is still in fact in New York, enjoying his free time with his mother. I return to reality the moment I notice the balcony door open and catch a glimpse of Armie, sitting with his legs up in the table while he holds a mug on his hand.

I smile wide at the sight of him, a sigh of contentment escaping me as I remember the amazing night we had yesterday, the delicious dinner he cooked me, the way he kissed me and how great it felt to be inside of him, hearing him moan my name right on my ear. I reach for my sweatpants, put them on quickly and quietly make my way over to him, my hands sliding down his chest as I place a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Good morning."

"Good morning, babe."

"Why are you sitting here all alone?"

"Didn´t want to wake you up, so I brewed some coffee and decided to sit here and watch the city. You have a nice view here."

"Says the guy with an apartment that overlooks New York City." Armie chuckles, but it´s easy to see that there´s some kind of sadness in his eyes. "Armie, what´s wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"Liar."

Armie sighs, biting on his lip as I walk around the chair and sit down on his lap, his hands instantly on my waist, pulling me closer to his body. I rest a hand on his face, rubbing against his beard as he smiles sweetly at me, his eyes a bit sad.

"Armie, what´s going on?"

"I got a call a while ago, there´s been some kind of issue on the building and they need me there to take a look at it."

"So you´ll have to leave earlier than expected?" He nods and I sigh, but try to keep a small smile on my face and let him know it´s alright. "When do you have to leave?"

"Flight leaves in three hours."

"What? But that´s too..." I sigh and lean my head against his shoulder, my arms wrapped around his body as he places a kiss on my forehead. "I wish you didn´t have to go so soon, but I understand it´s something you have to do. I´m happy that you came here, even if just for a few hours."

"I wish I didn´t have to go, but you know how much that place means to me and..."

"You don´t have to explain yourself, Armie. I more than anyone understand how much this means to you, so stop apologizing yourself and go there, do what you have to do."

"I know you´re working a lot with the rehearsals, so I will try my best to come back here next week."

I sit down straight, lean my forehead against his and smile. "As much as I would love to have you here again next week, I know how expensive that would be and you also have things you need to do back home, so don´t worry about me."

"I´ll still try to come."

"Okay, if you say so." He nods and pulls me in to a kiss, his fingers knotted on my curls. "I´m gonna go shower and get dressed, I wanna go with you to the airport."

"Can I join in that shower?"

"There´s a chance you might be late if you do so."

"That´s an awful thing, but I am willing to take the risk."

"Well, if you insist."

I get up and take his hand in mine, leading him back inside the apartment and straight to the bathroom. He turns me around in his arms, kisses me deeply and I grab onto his shirt, pulling it off of him as quick as I can and letting it fall to the ground. Armie holds onto my waist as we stumble around the bathroom until we reach the shower; the hot water starts running seconds later and we laugh as it falls down on top of us and drenches our pants.

 


	68. Chapter 68

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Better be together with an ocean in between us than not be together at all."

_ April. _

 

I arch my back and wet my lips, my toes sinking into the mattress as my hands starts moving faster on my cock, feeling it throb as the first drops of precum coat my hand. My eyes are closed tight, my breathing heavier and the sweat running down my body, the clean sheets clinging onto my skin as I practically hump the bed, Armie´s voice filling my ear and making me moan more and more with every second that goes by.

"Go lower now," he whispers with a hoarse voice, clearly on the verge on an orgasm too. "Get a finger inside of you and imagine it is my cock, opening and filling you up."

"I´ll need more than a finger for that," I manage to say and he chuckles, but quickly turns back to his demanding voice, which makes me tremble from head to toe and causes my cock to leak even more. I open my legs wider, my hand sliding down to my hole as my breathing gets even heavier, my chest heaving as I slowly insert a finger inside of myself. "Oh fuck..."

"How does it feel, babe?"

"Fuck, Armie."

"Are you moving your fingers, Timmy? Are you fucking yourself?"

"Y-yes."

"I need you to focus now, okay? I want you to put the phone on the speakers and use your free hand to stroke yourself. Can you do that for me, babe?'

"Y-yes."

My hand is trembling as I pull the phone away from my ear and press the speaker icon, Armie´s breathing now taking over the entire apartment. I place the phone down on the bed and press my hand against my neck, squeezing it softly before sliding to my chest, pinching and rubbing on my nipples before I allow myself to touch my cock.

I moan loud at the stimulation, my eyes nearly rolling to the back of my head. Armie´s voice is lower now, his moans more constant and the way he whispers my name over and over nearly drives me crazy. I move my hands faster, imagining that is Armie who is here, that is his cock inside of me or his mouth wrapped around my cock.

"Aaaaarmie."

"Fuck yourself, Timmy."

"Fuck...." I try to take a couple of deep breaths, but it´s nearly impossible. My whole body burns, shivers runs through my skin and my cock throbs like crazy, cramps starting to form on my toes as I let out a loud groan.

"Moan for me, babe."

"I´m gonna cum, Armie."

"Not now."

"P-please."

"You´re gonna slow down now, we´re gonna cum together."

"F-fuck..."

I feel my entire body start to spasm and I throw my head back once more, a guttural moan escaping me as I hear Armie moan desperately, his voice breaking and I can almost imagine him thrashing around on his bed, sweat dripping down his golden body and his beautiful cock throbbing, aching for release.

"I can´t take it..."

"C-cum with me, babe."

"F-fuck, fuck, fuck."

A mind blowing, earth shattering orgasm takes over my entire being, every single muscle of my body spasming as I cum all over myself, biting hard on my lip until I nearly taste blood. The sounds that come from Armie are nearly enough to give me a second orgasm, but I´m so completely spent, not even that I can manage right now.

My whole body is spent, my mind clouded by the remains of pleasure that still go through me. I can still hear Armie on the other side of the line, breathing heavily and moving around his bed. A tired smile appears on my face as I picture him lying there, cum all over his abs, his legs spread wide and his body glistening with sweat.

"T-Tim?"

I sigh, clean myself with the sheets and then reach back for the phone, pressing against my ear as I wet my lips. "I´m here. Spent and probably unable to move for the next thirty minutes, but I´m here."

"That means we did it right." I chuckle and he goes silent for a second, his breathing so soothing that I close my eyes and listen to it as my body finally calms down. "I can´t wait until I can actually touch and kiss you. Phone sex is great, but nothing compares to the real deal."

"Ummmm, I can´t wait for that." I open my eyes, stare up at the ceiling and bite down on my lip, every fiber in me aching to be next to him once again. "Do you know when you come?"

"Probably in two weeks, things are a bit chaotic here and as much as I want, I can´t leave."

"Stay for as long as it takes. If I could I would go, but you know rehearsals are crazy, especially now that we´re one month away from opening night."

"Well, the longer we stay apart, the more interesting is the reunion."

"And I´m the insatiable one," I say with a smirk and hear Armie laugh.

"I wasn´t even talking about sex."

"Such a liar."

"I was talking about having you around me, enjoying the little moments and just being able to hold you. But I´m not gonna lie, the sex is from another level."

"See, that´s why I love you."

"Because I understand our sex is from another level?"

"Yes and because you cherish that part as much as the hugging and the cuddling."

"Anything with you is great, simple as that." I remain quiet and hear him move around on his bed, the smile on my face nearly hurting my cheeks. "I should go, let you clean yourself and get some sleep."

"No, please don´t. Just stay here with me for a little longer, I miss you so much."

"It´s okay, I can stay all night."

 

***********

 

I stare at the calendar on my computer and can´t help but sigh. It´s mid April already and it seems like time is flying by, not even giving me the chance to experience things the way I would want to. Everything´s so rushed lately sometimes it seems like I´m not living life, I´m just existing and to be honest, this is not something I´m particularly happy with.

I hear a beep come from the computer and snap out of my thoughts, opening the conversation with Armie, whose face pops up on my screen. He has a wide smile on his face as he waves at me and I can´t help but giggle a little, he looks so cute and relaxed.

"Hey babe, how you doing?"

"I´m doing okay, just..." I arch an eyebrow as I realize the sign behind him says hospital and lean in closer to the screen. "Why are you in a hospital?"

"See, we wanted to make you a little surprise."

"What kind of surprise involves a hospital, Armie?"

"One that also involves a baby," he says before turning on the phone camera, showing me through a glass window a nursery, dozens of babies sleeping or being watched by nurses. My eyes widen, looking around the whole place as I hear Armie chuckle. "She´s the third one on the first row."

"I can´t believe I missed this," I say while staring into Emma, my eyes nearly watering as I watch her move on her little crib. I bite on my lip and smile as Armie turns the camera back to him. "She´s gorgeous."

"She´s also really big and as healthy as her mother."

"How is she, by the way?"

"Wanna ask that yourself?" He winks and I keep staring at his face while he walks through the hospital. I hear him knocking on a door and then watch as he smiles and nods towards someone else before turning the camera once again.

Olivia is lying on the bed, a tired but happy look upon her face as she talks to Ansel, who´s sitting beside her on the bed. She lets her eyes wander to me and I wave, the most goofy ass smile taking over my face as Armie hands her the phone.

"Timmy, I´m so happy to see you."

"I´m so happy to see you, too. I just wish I could actually be there right now, ever since you told me you were pregnant I´ve been praying I would be there, but with all the work I got here..."

"It´s okay, love, don´t worry about this. You´ll have plenty of opportunities to be here for me and for her, I know that."

"She´s beautiful, seriously."

"I know, right? Ansel is already worried." I chuckle and Ansel shows up on my screen, nodding his head with a pout. 

"I´m not ready to have guys preying on my daughter, Tim."

"Maybe it will be a girl."

"Doesn´t matter who is gonna be, I´m not ready for it."

"Good thing she just came out of me and no one will be preying on her for many years, so just chill."

"How you feeling, Olivia?"

"Tired as hell, but so damn happy, you have no idea."

"You really look happy and tired, so maybe I should leave you alone, you´re probably in need of some sleep."

"She actually is," Ansel says as he picks up the phone in his hands. "We´ll call you later and we can talk a little bit more. Is that okay?"

"That´s perfect."

"Bye man, we love you and we´re missing you."

"I miss you guys too." I wave them goodbye and sigh, watching as Armie leaves the room.

"Ansel can´t stop smiling, the guy is...," Armie stops and arches an eyebrow while I try to keep myself together. "Tim, why are you crying?"

"I´m not crying."

"Okay, then why are you about to cry?"

"I hate this, Armie. I hate missing everything that happens."

"That´s not true."

"Yes, it is. My mom´s birthday was last week and I couldn´t be there, my best friend just had a baby and once again I can´t be there, my boyfriend is stressed out with all the work he has right now and yet I can´t even help him. This is not fair."

"Okay, look. I know sometimes it´s really frustrating not to be around the people we love and care about, I know that there are times that we might want to forget about responsibilities and everything else and just do whatever the hell we want to do, but don´t forget that you´re not the only one going through this. We are also sad that we can´t be there with you all the time, Olivia was devastated when she realized she won´t be able to be there on opening night, but there´s not much we can do about it, right? Don´t beat yourself up, babe, you´re living your dream, you´re about to be the star in a big production, that should be your focus right now."

I wipe away my tears and nod my head, trying to put on a smile as Armie chuckles. "Sorry for all the unnecessary crying once again."

"Stop apologizing for feeling things, Tim."

"Can I see Emma again?" I ask with a pout as he nods, a broad smile on his face as he walks down the corridor and fills me in on how everything happened.

  
  


********

 

_ May _

 

The music is loud and takes over the entire room while I do a sequence of Pirouettes to the left, my arms extended to the sides and my eyes locked on myself in the mirror. I do an Arabesque, prepare myself to a series of high jumps, do a quick twirl in the air and then finish off with a plie, making sure I don´t put too much impact on my knees.

I stop and look up, my eyes locked on my reflection as I breath heavily and watch as sweat drops from my hair. My body hurts, every single muscle inside of me burning and begging for mercy. I drop to the ground, stretch out my legs and massage my feet, trying to ease the pain. There´s only two weeks left of rehearsals and I'm a perfect mix of excitement and fear; I have worked my ass off for this, trained every single day and made sure to keep myself fit and strong.

I know I am ready for this, to finally achieve what I have always wanted in life, but I still can´t help but feel like everything can come crashing down. What if I forget the routine? Or if I trip and fall down the stage? What if critics don´t like me and I lose the opportunity to this ever again?

_ What if you do great? What if the whole world falls down to your feet and realize just how talented you are? What if everyone else finally figures out what your family, friends and Armie have known all along? You can do this. We can do this. _

I bite on my lip, a small but proud smile creeping on the corner of my lips just as my phone starts ringing. I reach for it as quickly as I can, knowing full well it´s Armie on the other side of the line. This is what our relationship seems to be all about lately, phone calls and FaceTime, which definitely helps, but it´s also not enough.

"Hello," I say with as much enthusiasm as I can, throwing myself back on the floor and staring up to the ceiling.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I´m doing fine. Just finished another rehearsal, now I´m about to go take a shower and eat something before I can go home."

"Excited for opening night? It´s only two weeks away."

"Excited and terrified all at the the same time, but I´ve told you that already."

I hear him let out a heavy sigh and know he is feeling the same as me. Our situation is complicated, we are both full of work and the fact we can´t even see each other at the end of the day is killing us slowly. We were both fully aware of how hard things would be once we decided to get back together, but I don´t think neither one of us actually realized just how heartbreaking it could be.

"Tim?"

"I´m here, I just got lost in thought. You know how easily that can happen."

"How are you?"

"You asked me that already."

"I wanna know how my boyfriend is doing, not the danseur."

"Your boyfriend misses you more than anything and hates the fact we became a couple that can only interact through a fucking phone."

"Good to know I´m not the only one feeling this way."

"I didn´t think it would be this hard, Armie."

"Do you regret it?"

I frown, sitting back up. "Of course not, I love you and I want to be with you. Do you regret it?"

"Of being with you? You´re what makes me feel complete, Timothée, I would choose you over and over again." I can´t help but smile, relieved that even when things are not exactly great we still find ways to assure one another we´re in this together and for good. "Do I wish the situation was a bit different? Of course I do, but if this is what takes to be with you, then so be it."

"Better be together with an ocean in between us than not be together at all."

"That´s exactly it. And I still have hopes that eventually we´ll find a solution for all of this."

"Unless one of us moves, I don´t see how we can fix this anytime soon."

"Life is full of surprises, Tim. We bumped into each other in a crowded Stuttgart, we can find a way to make this situation a bit more bearable."

"You´re right." I sigh, trying to keep myself hopeful. "How are you? How´s your hand?"

"Is better now."

"Really?"

"It was just a twist, Tim, there´s no need to worry."

"You worry about me all the time, let me worry about you too." He chuckles and I smile at the sound. "I saw the photos you sent me, the whole place is looking great."

"Can´t believe it opens in about two months."

"Neither can I. This has become such an important thing to me, you have no idea."

"I wouldn´t have been able to go through the last few months if it wasn´t for you. All the stress I went through, I only managed it because I had you."

"And I still wish I could have done more."

"You did more than you needed and we still have years ahead of us, we´ll find ways to get you involved."

"Why does it sound like you already have plans for me?"

"Maybe I do."

"And they are?"

"A surprise, which I´ll let you know when the time is right." I bite my lip, suddenly very curious to know what he has in mind. "You should go now. Try to relax a little bit and I´ll call you tonight."

"Okay, I´ll be waiting."

"I love you, okay? No matter how hard it is, I´ll always love you."

"I know and I love you too."

  
  


**********

  
  


"You know what, fuck you, Armie."

"Seriously, Tim? Very mature way of dealing with the situation, seriously, I´m impressed."

"You promised me, Armie. You said you would be here!"

"And I tried my best. I spent over two weeks doing everything I could to make sure I would be there on Saturday, but I can´t make it."

"I can´t believe you´re doing this to me, Armie. You know how important this is to me, you know better than anyone how anxious I am for all of this, I needed you here."

"Damn it, Timothée." He groans loud, clearly frustrated with this entire conversation and to be honest, I get it, because I am feeling the exact same way. "I know how much this means to you, I have listened to you share your excitement and your fears for the past five months, but right now I can´t be there with you and it´s killing me, but there´s nothing I can do about this."

"Oh sorry, I forgot how hard it is for you to take one day off to come and see me."

"Okay, that´s absolutely not fair." I scoff, a part of me aware I am taking this too far, but I simply can´t help myself. "For the past five months you have come to New York a total of two times, while I have done everything at my power to be there almost every weekend, mainly because I know how much you have been working and how tired and stressed you were. But guess what? So was I, Timothée. Or did you suddenly forget I am starting a whole new thing here? It´s no longer just me and a class of twelve guys, it´s a whole school with over a five hundred students, twenty employees and a bunch of bureaucratic work I can barely get my head around it. I did everything I could to postpone the meetings, but my academy opens in six weeks and I can´t simply do things as I please, I need to think of the bigger picture here."

"I used to be part of that bigger picture."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"It´s the most important day of my life and you´re not gonna be here, you´re kicking me to the curb and it seems like you don´t even care."

"Ever since we started dating, and I´m not talking about five months ago, you have been my priority, I have put you above everything else and the only time I put my work first, you accuse me of not caring enough? Until last week you were talking about how this academy was just as important to you as it was to me, but now you can´t even try to understand my side? What´s happened?"

"You know how many times you have called me the last week, Armie? Three times. You know how many times you texted me? Twice. Now you´re not coming to opening night, how do you expect me to react?"

"Like the reasonable man you have always been, Timothée. Someone who understands that things not always go the way we planned, someone who listens instead of yelling." He goes silent for a moment, his heavy breathing the only sound I can hear. I press the phone closer to my ear, sit down on the edge of the bed and sigh, my eyes watering and my vision getting blurred. "I know you´re stressed, the biggest night of your life is in two days and you probably have a bunch of feelings consuming you, but I´m not gonna stay here and listen to you accuse me of things."

"You´re making it very easy to."

"You know what? I think you need some time to yourself, because if we keep up with this conversation, is not gonna end well."

"This conversation hasn´t been  _ well _ since I picked up the phone."

There´s a pause, the sound of his breathing the only thing I hear until the line goes silent. I look at the phone, completely pitch black and let my tears fall down as I throw it on the floor. I throw myself back, my eyes up to the ceiling; this was not how things should have gone, I wasn´t supposed to feel this bad just two days away from my big day.

 


	69. Chapter 69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothée´s big night is finally here.

**_Timothée: [7:45 p.m.]_ ** _ I miss you _

I stare at the message for a couple of seconds before deleting it yet once again. With a loud groan, I toss the phone to the bed and slide down myself, staring up to the ceiling as I lie sprawled on the bed. It has been three days since our fight, three days since he hung up on me and although I am missing him more than anything in the world, a part of me is still angry that he won't be here with me tomorrow.

I stare out of the window, smiling slightly as I remember the last time he was here with me, how his laugh echoed around the apartment, how his smile made the whole place brighter and how his blue eyes were always attentive to everything around him. His presence is so present here, his smell so vibrant, but that's not enough for me, not enough to calm me down as I face the last twenty four hours before my big break. Having him here with me would be my way of staying calm, now I won't have that and it angers me just as much as it kills me to know I have hurt his feelings somehow.

There's a soft knock on the door and I groan, pushing myself up and lazily making me way over. Charlotte is the one standing there, bags of food in her hand and a small and quite fake smile on her face. I let her in, watching as she walks straight to the kitchen, grabs a fork and then takes the boxes out before heading to my bed, where she sits down.

I follow her, throwing myself beside her and nodding as she offers me a box of Yakisoba. I take a few bites of it as we sit there in silence, something extremely uncommon for the both of us. I nudge her eventually, causing her to look at me and sigh. I watch as she moves the fork around, bites on her lip and then tries to look at me with a smile.

“Hänz broke up with me,” she finally says and I frown. “He told me I wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship and it would be better if we just broke up already.”

“I actually thought you guys made a cute couple.”

“Funny enough, I was starting to think the exact same.” She shrugs, tucking some strands of hair behind her ear. “But it seems like I have been right all along, I am not actually suited for relationships.”

“Hey, stop that.” I say while letting a hand ran through her hair. She smiles at me slightly and I then lean my head on her shoulder. “You're suited for a relationship just like anyone else and the fact it didn't work with Hänz doesn't mean it won't work with someone else. You're a gorgeous, intelligent woman and any man would be lucky to have you. If Hänz can't see that, then it's his problem, actually.”

“Wanna share your amazing boyfriend with me?”

“The one I haven't talked to in three days?”

She pulls away and looks at me with an eyebrow arched. “You still haven't called him? What the fuck are you waiting for?”

“I'm waiting until I know what to say.”

“I don't know about you, but I think it would be great to start with the basics like, I am sorry for being an asshole to you and I wish I didn't say the things I did. That can work miracles, you know?”

“Thank you,” I say while rolling my eyes.

“Dude, you know I love you and I respect your decisions. But I need you to understand how precious and beautiful what you and Armie have is.”

“I know that already.”

“Great, then solve this whole issue already. I understand that sometimes the distance is gonna frustrate you and the fact things will not always happen as planned, can be a little annoying, but you messed up and you need to own it. You know Armie better than anyone, you know how much he wanted to be here with you, how happy he was every single time he talked about this night and because work had to get in the way, work that's very important for him, you said things that probably hurt him a lot. And let's be honest, if there's something Armie isn´t, is a bad boyfriend...or person.”

“I'm scared he won't answer me back.”

“He might want some time for himself, that's understandable. But in my humble opinion, I don't think he would mind a reminder that what you two got is bigger than any argument.”

I bite on my lip, look around the bed and reach for my phone, typing a couple of messages, only so I can delete them all before sending. I sigh in frustration, realizing just how weird and cliché everything I write sounds. I want to say a lot of things, but nothing seems as good as it does in my head; I lean my head back, close my eyes and take a couple of deep breaths, before I resort to something simple and direct. I´ll let my rumbling for when we´re face to face.

 

**_Timothée: [8:00 p.m.]_ ** _ I'm sorry _

I shouldn't have said the things I did

I love you

  
  


*************

 

I hear my name being called and look up from my phone, a smile on my face as I see my mom rushing over to me. I get up and stumble back a little as she crashes her body against mine, wrapping her arms around me in a nearly suffocating hug. I bury my face in the crook of her neck, taking in her scent and finding some comfort to my soul and mind; the past four days have been quite stressful and having her with me, feeling all the love she can emanate from a simple smile or hug, makes it all a little bit better.

I feel her fingers on my hair, stroking it softly as she kisses my cheek and then pulls away from me. She cradles my face, a wide and contagious smile on her lips as she stares right into my eyes. I know she can see there's some sadness in me, but at least for now she remains quiet and simply pulls me close again, making me chuckle.

“It's so good to have you in my arms once again, son.”

“It's good to have your arms around me once again, mom. It sucks that I don't have enough time to visit you guys, but hopefully I will be able to manage it all better in a few weeks.”

“How you're feeling? Excited for tonight?”

“Extremely excited and a little bit scared too, but that's normal.” She nods and I smile, pulling away from her as dad finally reaches us and hugs me. “Nice to see you, dad. How was the flight?”

“It was normal. I think your mom and I have traveled so much it's become something quite automatic and dull for us.”

I smirk. “That's my goal in life, travel so much that flying becomes boring.”

My dad laughs, places a quick kiss on my forehead and pats my back. He keeps an arm around me as we watch Ansel and Sarah make their way over to us. Ansel has two bags with him, a small black one he carries on his left hand, while his right hand pulls on a large and bright yellow one, that clearly belongs to Sarah. I furrow my eyebrows, a chuckle escaping me as I see the look of annoyance on Ansel´s face.

“Sarah, you didn't tell me you were staying the week.” I say pointing to her luggage. She arches an eyebrow, looks from the bags to me and then rolls her eyes. “Don´t you think that's a bit too much for a two day trip?”

“That's rich coming from the guy who has a breakdown every single time he goes on a date with his boyfriend and has to call all his friend to help.” I gasp and she smirks, pulling me in for a hug. “I missed you, Timmy.”

“Oh, I´ve missed you too. You and all your shenanigans I´ve learned to love.”

“I´ll do my best to make it up to you on the next forty eight hours.”

“Thank you,” I say in between chuckles. I turn to Ansel, who smiles a little and then pulls me closer, engulfing me in a tight hug. “I fucking missed you, bro. This place is awesome, but it's not the same without my best friend.”

“New York ain´t the same without you either, believe me.” He pats my back and pulls away a little, but keeps me close enough so only I can hear him. “We need to talk about…”

“Later, okay?”

“Okay, we'll talk later.”

“Okay, guys, here is the deal. I have a tight schedule today, but I thought we could stop by the hotel so you guys can drop your bags, then we go for lunch. If you want, you can either go out or rest during the afternoon, but I will need to head home, because I have a few things to deal with before tonight.”

“It's okay, son. Your mom and Sarah already planned a whole afternoon of shopping with Pauline.”

“When does she get here, by the way?”

“She had some problems with her ticket, but she should be here by three.” My mom says as I nod. “What about Armie? When does he get here?”

I can see Ansel and Sarah exchanging a look as I stare at my mom and bite on my lip. She arches an eyebrow, slightly confused by my reaction and I sigh, trying to put on a smile on my face.

“He's not coming, mom.”

“What? Why not?”

“Nicole…,” my father starts and my mom turns to him with a stern look.

“He can't make it, mom. He has too much work right now because of the academy, but it's alright.”

“Aw, sweetie, I am so sorry. I know how much you wanted him here.”

“He´ll have plenty of opportunities to see me.” She nods and wraps an arm around my waist; I place a kiss on her forehead and then grab one of the bags from my dad. “C´mon, I made a reservation for us and if we don't leave now we might be late.”

 

***********

 

The phone lies on the floor, no messages, no calls, no Instagram notifications or anything that could hint of Armie actually being interested in talking to me. Not that this surprises me, actually. Whenever he is too sad, angry or confused, Armie tends to shut down and distance himself from others. I think it's his way of dealing with his own emotions and even though I have learned how to deal with it, knowing it's important to him to have some space, it still hurts a little. Not even because he doesn't necessarily talk to me, but because I wish I could do more to help.

I take a deep breath, raise my arms and stretch them above my head while keeping my legs crossed. For the past two months I have resorted to doing some yoga in between trainings, not only because it helps keep my body fit and works as a great warm up session, but also because it clears my head and helps put things into perspective. It sure helped me the first few times Jannik tried to talk to me, even after I told him I didn't want anything else to do with him anymore; it helped whenever I felt too frustrated that I couldn't be with Armie and it has definitely helped me get through the anxious moments I was going through as opening night came closer.

Now I am five hours away from it, Armie won't be here with me and I am still scared of messing it up, despite knowing the entire choreography almost as much as I know every single freckle Armie has on his back. I exhale, open my eyes slowly and look around the apartment for a second before taking the phone in my hands. I scroll through my Instagram, go over to Armie´s and smile as I see all the photos of us he has there. How much of an idiot I actually am for being mad at him for not being here? I know better than anyone how important his job is for him, I should have been more supportive.

I make it through my contact list and click on his name, pressing the phone against my ear as I wait for him to answer. The ringing goes on and on for almost an entire minute and then it goes straight to his voice mail, making me sigh.

“Hey. I know I shouldn't be doing this by voicemail, but you won't answer your phone and you didn't reply to my text, so I gotta do what I gotta do. I am sorry for the way I behaved that day, I should have listened to you, I should have supported you like you have done with me all these months. Being away from you is so damn hard, Armie, it kills me every night when I go to sleep and every morning when I wake up. I think of you during breakfast, during lunch, throughout practice. You're truly the only thing in my mind and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm sorry for the things I said, I'm sorry if I made you feel bad or if I made you think I don't appreciate you enough, because I do, I really do.”

I sigh as I feel a couple of tears stream down my face and think of how much of an idiot I am for crying right now. I bite on my lip, remember all the times Armie told me not to be ashamed of feelings things and let a smile come to my lips.

“Look, I'm terrified of what might happen tonight. I know if you were here you would say I am ready and I feel like I am, but you know me, I can't help it, I always have to go towards the  _ what ifs.  _ Anyway, I called to say I am going to miss you and that I will step on that stage and dance with all my heart, using every single thing you thought me. Call me when you feel like talking, I will always be waiting. I love you. More than you will ever know.”

I hang up the phone and let out a sigh of relief, feeling like a huge weight has been lift off of my shoulders. I push myself up, walk over to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water. My phone vibrates on the counter and I take a look at it, a wide smile coming to my face as I see Armie´s message.

 

**_Mr. Hammer: [3:30 p.m.]_ ** _ Even if I am not there, I will always be with you _

_    Your talent is beyond anything I have ever seen _

_    So show the world everything I already know you have _

_   I will see you soon _

_   Love you _

  
  


***********

 

The lights are dim low and the dressing room is in pure silence as I stand there alone, hands tightly gripping onto the marble table and eyes stuck in my own reflection. There are a million things going through my head right now, but I do my best to focus on the good things, the things that bring me joy and make me calm. I close my eyes for a brief second, think about Armie standing right behind me, his hands resting on my shoulder and squeezing them softly as he whispers in my ear. Suddenly a smile takes me over and I feel relaxed, happy and ready to take over the world.

There´s a quick knock on the door and I look over my shoulder, watching as Ansel pops his head in and gives me a small smile. I gesture for him to come in and he swiftly does so, closing the door behind and pointing over his shoulder.

"I have never seen aunt Nicole so stressed out in my entire life, Tim. She won´t sit straight and she keeps asking things to your dad and Pauline, she´ll drive them insane."

"She´s even more excited than I am."

"She´s been waiting for this for a long time," he says as he leans against the door, arms crossed and eyes on me. "Nice outfit, by the way."

I roll my eyes and he chuckles. I hop on the marble table, my legs swinging back and forth as I bite on my lip. "He texted me earlier today."

"So you two are good?" I nod and he smiles. "That´s great to hear, man. I am sure you are a lot more relaxed now, huh?"

"I can say I am focused only on my performance, which is exactly like it should be." Ansel nods and I sigh, a little smile on my lips. "He didn´t say anything new, but it was all I needed to assure myself that things are okay between us."

"Three minutes!" We hear someone shout from the corridor and Ansel´s eyes go wide. He pushes himself away from the door, walks over to me and grabs my shoulders, his eyes locked on mine.

"This is your night and you´ll do great. No one deserves this more than you, Tim and I am insanely proud to see how far you´ve come."

"Thank you for always being here for me, since day one you´ve been the best friend I could have ever asked for."

"Thank me by showing people out there just how great you are, Lil Timmy Tim." I chuckle, punch his shoulder and he gives me a quick but tight hug. When he pulls away, he gives me one last look that says quite a lot and then winks, rushing out of the dressing room as I turn back to the mirror and smile to myself.

This is it.

The night I have been waiting for years.

I inhale deeply, wet my lips and then head out of the dressing room and make my way through the corridors towards the backstage area where everyone else is already aligned. Denise looks at me with a broad smile on her face and I nod, returning the smile. I roll my shoulders, get en pointe a couple of times and stretch out my arms as some of the cast comes to congratulate me and wish me luck.

I take one step at a time, my eyes down to the floor until I am on the top of the stage. I get in position, my body slightly turned to the side, my head down and my arms crossed over my chest; my feet are in preparatory position, my breathing calm and steady as the first chords of music come on.

The curtains rise, the light blinds me for a second but soon enough I have a good view of the entire audience. My left foot slides down on the floor, my hands slide up my chest, neck and to my hair, tugging on it before I spin around once and stop en pointe, arms perfectly standed to the sides. 

When the music really intensifies, everything seems to become a blur to me. My feet slide around the stage, my arms open and close according to the beat, I interact with the other members of the cast, smiles, laughs and then pain and suffering. 

I do Pirouettes, runs across the stage en pointe, perform perfectly executed Arabesques and Attitude. A sequence of high jumps, followed by a Tour en L´air and finished with a Assemble, draws gasps from the audience and I internally scream of excitement and pride.

Suddenly I am flooded by the memories of everything that has brought me to this night. Me as a kid starting on my first day of ballet class, how encouraging my parents were with every decision that I made; hearing about this preparatory course that could help me get into Juilliard and the first day of class. It´s almost if I am back to that day, eight in the morning and I am going up the stairs alongside Ansel, euphoria taking me over as I wait for all the other students to get there. Then there was the moment of pure adoration as I saw Armie for the first time, his beautiful blue eyes and his blond hair, his serious face and perfectly sculpted body. I was in love with him from the very first second and the things we have gone through, the things he has taught me will be with me until the day I die.

The first hour goes by and it almost feels like seconds to me, we head back to the backstage, a ten minute pause that recharges my batteries and makes me ache for more. All the fear is gone, all the anxiety is left behind; I am pure euphoria, happiness and pride now. 

I change my clothes, let out a deep breath and then make it back to the stage. The moment the curtains rise this time, I nearly freeze in my place and forget about everything else. Sitting on the first row is Armie, a broad and proud smile on his face as he looks at me. I blink a couple of times, think I might be going insane, but then I seen my mom lean in and whisper something on his ear, which makes him nod and I have do to everything I can to stop myself from smiling.

I don´t know how, but he is here, he made it and if I wasn´t so damn professional I would burst into tears at this very moment. 

_ Even if I am not there, I will always be with you. _

That´s what he texted me earlier today and even if he wasn´t here, I already felt like he was. But seeing him here, knowing he probably fought against time and paid extremely expensive flights to be with me tonight floods me with so many emotions it´s hard to even describe them. But there's love, adoration, care and companionship, things I learned with my family, but really started to understand it's true meaning with Armie.

As the music picks up, I raise my head, take a deep breath and get ready to put on the best performance of my entire life. For my family, for me but specially for him.

  
  



	70. Chapter 70

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm after the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the countdown for the last four chapters begins now. Thanks for joining me in this ride.

There´s a big commotion after the spectacle is over. People rushing around the backstage, people crying, laughing, flowers and a sense of accomplishment that seems to take over the entire company and rightly so. We have put up an absolutely amazing show, everything worked out perfectly and the audience seems to have enjoyed every single second of it. 

Back at my dressing room, I spend almost half an hour being spoiled by my mother and father, who can´t seem to stop praising me, while  Pauline, Ansel, Sarah and Charlotte mock me for being a little momma´s boy. We all laugh, take a few sips of champagne and discuss the best bits of the show, my heart so full with all the nice words I hear from them. But even if I am already in cloud nine, I can´t help but let my eyes wander to the door every two seconds, waiting for the moment Armie is gonna walk in.

Ansel is the first one to notice this and surely does everything he can to usher everyone out of the dressing room and leave me alone. He winks and gives me a thumbs up as he closes the door, which makes me laugh and roll my eyes. It doesn´t take longer than five seconds for the door to open again, this time with Armie standing there, flowers in his hand and a bright and pride smile on his face.

"I always knew how amazing you would be, but even I was completely blown away by your talent and how fierce you looked up there. You´re a force, Timothée, there´s no one like you."

My eyes water as I stare at Armie for a couple of seconds, my lips twitching into a broad smile. I come up with a million things I could say, but resort to keep myself quiet; I run over, jump on top of him and wrap my legs and arms around his body. Armie stumbles back, his loud and contagious laugh echoing through the dressing room as he tightly holds onto my thighs, keeping me from falling.

He rubs his nose against mine, leans in to kiss me but pulls away quickly, teasing me over and over again and making me giggle. When he finally lets our lips touch, I slide my hand to his hair, which is starting to grown back and tug on it, kissing him as deeply as I possibly can.

He moves around the room with me on his arms, sits me down on the marble table and cradles my face, his thumbs rubbing my cheeks. I run my hands down his chest, grab fistfuls of his shirt and pull him even closer to me, my lips leaving soft and wet kisses all over his face.

"Are you insane? How did you even manage to get here?"

"It was quite a turbulent Saturday morning in New York. There was rain, meetings cancelled, overpriced flights...a true hell. But you´re more important than any of this, so I paid the price, quite literally, and got my ass here because I needed to be with you tonight."

"You have no idea what I felt when I saw you sitting there, I almost got out of character." He chuckles and I bring him closer, leaning our foreheads together and smiling as he closes his eyes and lets out a sigh. "I am so sorry, Armie."

"Huh?" He asks as he opens his eyes again. "What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I am talking about." I rub his cheeks, run my fingers through his beard, which is a little shorter now, and then knot my fingers on his hair. "I am sorry for the things I said to you that day, I didn´t mean any of them. I was scared, I was frustrated and I end up lashing out on you, when I should have told you what I was feeling and allowed you to help me. I was selfish and childish, you are the most amazing boyfriend and friend anyone could ask for and the way I treated you wasn´t fair. I promise you I will do everything I can not to make that mistake again."

"Are you done? Because I understand exactly what you were going through, Tim. Our situation isn´t an easy one, we have an entire ocean dividing us and we care too much about our careers to jeopardize it in any way. I don´t know how long we´ll have to be living in different countries, but I know there will be a lot of frustration and occasional anger, but the moments we are together are so good, so precious and important, that nothing else matters."

"You and your speeches."

He chuckles, tickles me and I squirm away from him, hoping off of the table and trying to run away. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulls me back to him and turns me around, his lips on mine only seconds later. 

Our kiss is slow, tender and yet full of passion. The kind of kiss we don´t share often, almost as if we save it for the truly special moments between us. Not that I don´t consider every single moment a special one, because I do, but some of them seem so simple and yet have so much meaning, even the kiss is different.

Armie pulls on my bottom lip, his large hands cradling my face as I let his name leave my lips in a soft and low moan. He leans his forehead against mine, smiles wide at me and for a few seconds, which honestly seem like an eternity, we just stand there, eyes locked on each other.

"I actually have a surprise for you."

"This was a last minute trip, there´s no way you managed to plan anything."

"You underestimate me, boy."

"Are you serious right now? You actually have something prepared?"

"I do and the quicker we go the better."

"My parents made a reservation at some restaurant for us all, we were going there to celebrate. I can´t ditch them like this, Armie." He shoots me a look and I arch an eyebrow. "They already know about the surprise, don´t they?'

"Yes."

"Okay then, let´s go."

Armie smiles and takes my hand in his, leading me out of the theater as if he is a local. We manage to make it out without attracting much attention and soon enough we´re out in the streets of Stuttgart. I suggest we take a cab or something, but Armie insists we go walking, apparently part of the surprise is spending as much time together as possible and walking does give us some moments of peace.

The sky is filled with stars, the weather is pleasant and as we walk hand in hand, he explains to me exactly what happened on the morning and how he managed to get a flight here. He complains about losing the first half of the show, but I make sure he knows it´s okay and that the fact he went through all this trouble to be here is enough.

After a few minutes of walk, I look around me slightly confused. There´s not really many places we could go to around here, since mostly everything is already closed. I turn to face him, arch an eyebrow and he winks, placing a quick kiss on my lips before leading me to the Fernsehturm.

"Please, tell me you´re not about to break in the Fernsehturm. I still have at least two months of presentations and going to jail isn´t exactly what they expect from their main danseur."

"Break in? Oh no, we are honorary guests tonight, babe."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Armie?"

"Follow me."

He takes a key from his back pocket, opens the door and leads me in, making sure to lock everything behind him. With his hand resting on the small of my back, Armie leads me towards the elevators, a wide smile on his face as I look around confused and amazed. 

It doesn´t take longer than two minutes for us to be at the top and when the elevator doors open, I find pillows, food, champagne and a blanket, all carefully spread on the floor. I bite on my lip, shake my head and then look up at him, completely dumbfounded. I can´t believe he has actually managed to do this.

"How did you do this?"

"I have friends who know people," he whispers in my ear. 

I chuckle, in awe and nearly speechless. He turns me to face him, lifts my chin and places a soft kiss on my lips; I hold him close, feeling his heat, his strong arms and the tickling of his beard. After everything that happened, having him here with me tonight already seemed like a dream come true, but knowing he had all the trouble to put this out just makes me love him even more. 

"Come," he whispers and walks me towards the blanket, where we sit down. I stare at the city below us and can´t help but smirk, watching as Armie looks at me with an eyebrow arched. "What?"

"I was just thinking, the view from your apartment won´t have the same charm from now on."

He laughs, the wrinkles around his eyes and the little dimples he has showing up. He is beautiful, inside and out, and I couldn't be happier to have someone like him in my life. Thank God for the day I decided to take his classes.

  
  


********

  
  


The still agitated city below us has become nothing more than background noise, while the moonlight shines through the large windows and creates patterns all over his beautiful naked body. There´s a flush on his cheeks, sweat coating his body and his eyes are dark with lust and passion. My hand slides down his chest and tangles itself on his chest hair, while I pull one of his legs up and around my hip.

Slowly, I trace a hand down his thick thigh, my nails sinking onto his flesh. He bites on his lip, throws his head back and while I lay wet kisses down his stomach, he knots his fingers on my curls. His breathing is heavier, there´s goosebumps all over him and the closer our bodies get, the more frequent are his moans.

I kiss, suck and bite on his shoulder, a smirk taking over my face when I hear him drag out my name with that beautiful hoarse voice of his. I nibble on his ear and whisper dirty little things to him, all the while my hand sliding in between us and feeling his hard cock throb against my palm.

We teasingly rub our lips together, pulling away whenever one gets a bit too eager. We both chuckle, the sexual tension that takes us over nearly palpable. Once the teasing stops and we finally give in, we find ourselves in a wet, rough and desperate kiss; his tongue rubs against mine, his teeth nibbles on my bottom lip and pulls on it playfully. He loves trying to regain back control, even when he knows I am the one in charge for the night.

My hand slides further down in between us and my fingers, which are still slick with his own precum, tease his hole. I can feel my own cock throb as my fingers enter him, thrusting in and out, scissoring and opening him up. I moan against his ear, knowing well enough the sound drives him crazy and almost instantly I can feel his body trembling underneath mine. 

I suck on his Adam´s apple, feel his hands on my ass cheeks and grind myself against him, both of us moaning loud as our cocks rub together. Armie grabs onto my hair, makes me face him and pulls me down, his lips pressed against mine as he looks at me as if he is staring into my soul.

"Fuck me, already."

I smirk, but even if I wanted, teasing him more than I have already done would be impossible. I can barely control myself at this point and I have not even touched myself. I guide my cock towards his hole, licking my lips as the head slides in slowly and I am welcomed by his tightness and warmth. I groan, burying my face in the crook of his neck as I start pushing myself in further, stopping only when I am buried balls deep inside of him.

He grips onto my hair, moans my name repeatedly and uses his legs to keep me deep inside of him. His hole has a vice like grip around me, milking my cock and driving me completely insane. He gasps when I start moving, thrusting in and out of him fast and rough; he sinks his nails on my skin, thrusts his hips forward to meet my thrusts and lets my name leave his swollen lips in the most sexy and dirty way possible.

Seeing him like this, completely lost in pleasure might be the most beautiful sight in the entire world.

We move together for what it seems like hours, sweaty bodies in synchrony, hands gripping whatever we can find, lips kissing, biting and tasting every inch of skin. We feed off of each other´s pleasure, ache to make the other feel even an ounce of what we are feeling. We are one and that becomes clear when we both start shaking from head to toe, the build up of a powerful orgasm taking us over.

Armie brings me down to a kiss, my hand grips his cock and my hips thrust deeper inside of him. It doesn´t take me longer than two seconds to feel the first spurts of cum leave me and fill him up, which cause him to let out a nearly animalistic moan. He arches his back, throws his head back and his body goes rigid, ropes of white semen coating my hand and our stomachs.

We both collapse down on the floor, Armie´s arms wrapped around me as my cock slips out of his hole. He lets out a sigh of contentment, closes his eyes and wets his lips; I smile down at him, my tired eyes becoming heavier. He kisses me once, twice, three times on the lips and then I bury my face on his neck once again, closing my eyes and allowing my body to relax for a moment.

"I´ve missed you so much," is the last thing I hear before drifting off to sleep.

 

**********

 

We lay quietly on the floor, my head leaned against his chest, my finger gently tracing his arm while he strokes my hair. The sun is already up in the sky, which indicates we need to get up, clean everything and leave as if nothing had happened here during the night. As if one of the most beautiful nights of my life had just been a dream.

Armie kisses my forehead and I look up at him with a smile, my hand cradling his face and feeling his beard tickle my palm. He leans in, kisses me softly on the lips and then pushes some hair back, a finger tracing my bottom lip. There´s a soft smile on his lip, his blue eyes showcase so many emotions all at once, it´s almost difficult to comprehend them all.

"We should go," he whispers as I sigh. 

"Do we have to?"

"Unless you want a bunch of tourists to see us."

"We could put on quite of a show."

"Oh, I´m sure we could, but that probably would get us in jail."

"Puritans," I joke as Armie chuckles, cupping my face in his hands and bringing me closer. I furrow my nose as he rubs his against mine, chuckle as he goes to bite on my nose and then push him away, shaking my head as he laughs. 

He takes a hold of my waist and then rolls us over on the floor, so he´s hovering on top of me. My arms instantly wrap around his neck, my foot sliding up his leg and causing me to smirk as he closes his eyes and lets out a sigh. I love seeing the effect I have on him, I love knowing that his giant of a man, who looks like a freaking Greek God can turn into jelly with the touch of my fingertips.

I bite on my lip as his fingers trace my sides, a shiver running down my spine as he places kisses on my neck, then my jaw and finally my lips. When he pulls away, a wide smile on his face, he plays with a few curls, his eyes lost in mine as I rub my hand against his beard.

"Didn´t you just say we had to leave?"

"I did, but this is me showing you how difficult it is to let go of you."

"You don´t have to do it for long. My apartment is not that far away from here, we can hop in bed in less than fifteen minutes and do everything one more time. Or even two, three, four...as long as you´re willing to go."

"God, don´t tempt me, Tim."

"Why not?"

"Because I sadly told everyone we would have breakfast with them at  the hotel."

"No no no, I don´t want that."

"Of course you do."

"Well, yeah I want to, but..." I sigh, tugging on any hair I can find and bringing him closer to me. "I wanted it to be just you and me for as long as possible."

"Well, we don´t need to eat much."

I chuckle, lean closer to kiss him and then pull on his bottom lip. He groans, his grip on me tightening, his naked body grinding closer to mine.

"I promise you after breakfast, it´s gonna be just you and me for as long as we can. I´ll only let you go when you have to go to the theater."

"By the way, what time is your flight?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Don´t you have class?"

"I wouldn´t be able to stay here for less than twenty four hours. It´s been so long since we saw each other, I´m gonna make the best out of it. Besides, I only saw half of your presentation, so I need to be there tonight from the moments the curtains open to the moment they close."

"I hate you," I say with a groan as he chuckles. "You´re way too perfect, that´s not fair."

He shrugs, pecks my lips and then grabs my hand, pulling me up with him. We stand there, naked bodies glistening with the sun light, arms wrapped around each other and smiles on our faces. I lean on my tiptoes, bury my face in the crook of his shoulder and take in his scent.

There´s nothing more peaceful than being with Armie.

 

************

 

It´s a surprisingly warm day in Stuttgart and as it usually happens, people are already out of their houses, jogging on the parks, taking their dogs out for walks and enjoying breakfast on outdoor cafes. Ever since Spring started, the city has gained a lot more of life and even if I am a New York kid, which is more than used to the gloomy and cloudy skies, it brings me a lot of joy to see days like this. Especially when you are surrounded by amazing people who you love and care about.

Armie has his arm wrapped around me as we walk down the street and head towards the hotel my parents and friends are staying for the weekend. We had to make a quick stop at my place and shower, because there was absolutely no way I would sit down with my mom and dad while smelling like sweat and sex. I mean, I have done this once, but I´m not gonna push my luck.

Of course our quick shower turned into a little make out session, which caused us to be a little bit late, but I doubt anyone will care much about this. I spent nearly seven weeks away from my boyfriend, I have all the right to be late because we can´t seem to get our hands off of each other.

Armie opens the door for me and I smile up at him. We head to the reception and they point us the direction towards the breakfast room, where everyone is already sitting. There´s a large window that allows us to see the street, comfy chairs and a buffet that can take your breath away.

"Oh, look who decided to join us." Pauline says as she sees us approaching the table. She has a wide smirk upon her face and I rolls my eyes, tightening my grip around Armie´s waist. "We had started to think you two had forgotten about us."

"We had to make a quick stop at the apartment before coming here."

"I hope the surprise was good," my mom says with a wink and I can instantly feel my cheeks blush.

"Leave them alone, you two."

"Thanks, dad." I place a kiss on the top of his head and then move to hug mom and Pauline. I take a seat beside Armie, my hand resting on his thigh as he talks to Charlotte and takes a quick look at his phone. "Where´s Ansel?"

"Olivia called, so he left to talk to her in private."

"Is everything okay? It´s the middle of the night there, why would she be awake?"

"She has a one month old baby, Tim. Olivia doesn´t know what long nights mean anymore." 

I nod and then reach for a piece of bread on the little basket in the center of the table. I take a couple of bites, turning to talk to Pauline until Ansel gets back to the table. He has a wide smile on his face and Sarah mocks that this is how he looks every time he even thinks of Emma, which instead of annoying him only makes him blush and shrug his shoulders. 

I lean my chin on my hand, my eyes wandering around the table and smiling as I watch everyone talking and interacting like one big and happy family. I always knew I was a very lucky guy, I had great parents and a sister I got along with just great, but the last few years have gave me a whole new perspective on my life. The struggles I went through, the hard times life put me through made me realize just how great my friends truly are, how supportive my family is and the incredible boyfriend I have found for myself. Suddenly the word lucky doesn´t seem good enough to describe this. 

"Are you okay?" Armie whispers on my ear as he squeezes my thigh. I turn to look at him, lace our fingers together and nod my head, a broad smile on my lips.

"I´ve never been better."

 


	71. Chapter 71

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time goes by

I keep my eyes close as I hear him moving around the apartment, opening cupboards, turning on the stove and humming songs. The smell of food fills the air, pancakes, eggs and fresh brewed coffee, everything I love the most. Suddenly I hear his footsteps, the bed moves, his fingertips trace my leg and his lips leave sweet kisses on my back.

I open my eyes, let out a sigh of contentment as he kisses the corner of my lips and then nibbles on my ear, his hand stroking my hair. Armie wiggles his eyebrows, swings a leg over me and then swiftly and nearly effortlessly turns me around. I bite on my lip, my eyes roaming through his semi naked body and taking in his beauty; his muscled chest and arms, his golden skin and soft chest hair, his beard, his hair, his blue eyes and his lips, those tender and tasty lips I love so much. How did I manage to snap a man like this is beyond me.

I run my hands through his thighs, play with the hem of his boxers and then let my hands rest on his abs. He lowers his body a little bit, adding a bit more weight on me and I bite on my lip, feeling his bulge press against mine. My eyes wander back to his, a smirk on my face as he leans closer and then grabs onto my chin and tilts my head back, his tongue tracing my jawline.

My hands slide to his back, my nails scratching his skin. His hand runs down my body and under the sheets that still cover part of my naked body; the warmth of his palm against my skin and the anticipation of the moment bringing shivers down my spine. I gasp when his large hand wraps around my cock, his thumb brushing against the slit and making me toes curl.

He kisses me, his free hand yanking the sheets away from my body while my hands grab onto his boxers and pull them down as fast as possible. When the tip of his cock brushes against my hole, I arch my back, a long moan escaping me. Armie smirks, his forehead leaned against mine as he teases me, rubbing himself against my opening.

I grab onto his hair, rub my cheeks against his beard and then bite on his shoulder, trying my best to control myself while I let him take his time. His fingers explore my body, his lips leave wet trails against my skin and I close my eyes, allowing my body and mind to be dominated by the pleasure he brings me.

  
  


**********

  
  


I lean against the threshold, beer in hand and eyes locked on Armie, who leans against the rail and watches the city below him. We have only two more hours together before he has to go to the airport and head back to New York, get back to all the work he has to do before his academy opens. It´s funny to think that in less than a month he will be in charge of something so big and so important, something he had dreamt of most of his life and now is finally coming true. And honestly, it warms my heart to know I am with him while he goes through this moment.

I slide the door close behind me and walk over to him, bumping my hip against his and making him chuckle. He leans down to kiss my cheek and then steals the beer from me, chugging almost everything down as I shake my head. He hands it back to me, winks and then wrap his arm around my shoulder, pulling my body closer to his.

"Do you already know when it will be the break?"

"Not really, but I hope we´ll have the whole schedule by next week and then I´ll let you know if I will be able to be there."

"You know there´s no pressure, right?"

"I know, but you´ve been dreaming about this for most of your life and I wanna be there for you."

"Babe, why you´re crying?" Armie chuckles, turning me to face him. He runs his thumb across my cheeks, wiping away my tears as I put on a smile.

"You told me the other day how much you wish your father was with you during this moment and it just hit me how proud of you he would be." I sigh, watching as Armie bites on his lip. "And I am aware that is not the same, but since he won´t be there I want to make sure I am. I want to stand there alongside your mom, Catherine and everyone who loves you, to try and fill in the gap."

"Why you´re doing this to me right now?" He says while shaking my shoulders and I chuckle. He wraps his arms around me, hugging me as tight as he possibly can and I close my eyes, burying my face on the crook of his neck while grabbing a fistful of his shirt. "I can´t thank you enough for all the support you give me, for all the love and happiness you bring to my life."

"You don´t have to thank me, Armie."

He smiles, cradles my face in his hands and pulls me in to a quick kiss. I wrap my arms around his waist, keep his body close to me and then rest my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as we both stand there quietly, watching the city.

  
  


**********

  
  


The first week of June brought rain and a gloomy weather that seems to have taken the entire city back to winter, but it has also brought in the news that Armie´s academy is completely ready and all he has left to do now is finish organizing the opening party. It also brought news that Pauline got a deal to direct a short film, which has the possibility of premiering in one the big film festivals here in Europe. Ansel and Olivia moved to a bigger apartment and have finally set a date for their wedding, after nearly nine years together.

Charlotte is going out with a new guy, who she is clearly head over heels in love with, but she keeps saying it´s nothing serious and that she doesn´t even care much about him; why she does that is still a mystery, but that´s who she is and I´ve learned to love her even with her weirdness. Sarah has left the bookstore after almost five years working there and got a great job at a publishing company, but she has also broken up with her boyfriend, which left her a bit bummed. My parents are in another short trip, this time through Africa and they keep sending me the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen; they are about to head to Egypt for a few days and my mom is super excited to see the pyramids.

As for me, I wish I could say things have been quite normal and boring, but that wouldn´t be true. We´ve been performing five days a week, with breaks on Mondays and Tuesdays, but we keep training and making exercises for our bodies nearly every day. I have also come across quite a compelling email, which has brought me a sense of deja-vu that I didn´t really expect to have so soon. Now I have another big decision to make, but this time I have promised myself I will do things carefully, I will think things through and not rush anything.

"Okay, I have a ten minute break and I brought us some little treats," Charlotte says and she slides on the seat across from me and places a plate with muffins and croissants on the table. I smile at her and place the mug of coffee down, reaching for one of the croissants afterwards. "You said you had something for me. What is it?"

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot." I reach for my coat, grab an envelope and slide over to her, a smirk upon my face as she takes it in her hands and opens it. "You´ve been cordially invited to the opening of the Armie Hammer Ballet Academy."

"Oh, this is exciting."

"Can you imagine how I am feeling?"

"Bursting of pride for your man?"

"Pretty much."

"Do you know if you´ll be able to go?" She asks with a sympathetic look upon her face.

"Probably not, but still it feels good to hear him talking about it and to know this is finally true." I can´t help the sadness that washes over me at the thought of not being there for Armie, but I also know there´s not much I can do right now. The show was supposed to be on a break by the time the academy would open, but due to some issues we faced, we might have to postpone the break one week, which would make it impossible for me to be in New York with him. 

"I´m so sorry, Tim. I know how much you wanted to be there for him."

"As soon as the break comes I will have an entire month with him in New York, I´ll be able to be with him and help him with everything he needs. So there´s no need to worry, I will be alright."

"Keep telling yourself that until you believe it. From here, I see a sad and hurt Timothée, that would do anything to be with the man he loves in such an important moment of his life."

"Well, I´ve been told many times that I don´t know how to hide my emotions, so I won´t even bother trying to convince you that what you said is bullshit."

She chuckles and takes a bite of a muffin while stuffing the invitation on her apron. "May I ask something?"

"Sure."

"Why are you staring at this computer for the last hour?"

"I´m analysing an offer that was made to me." She arches an eyebrow and I nod, turning the computer to her so she can read it. I bite on my lip, lean back on the seat and watch as her eyes widen. "Funny how things happen, huh?"

"Are you accepting it?"

"I´m still not sure."

"Really? I always thought if an opportunity like this showed up to you, you´d jump at it without thinking much."

"A few years ago I probably would, but everything that has happened to me in the past two years, has taught me a lot. I need to think this through, not make any rushed decisions that I could regret later on."

Charlotte smiles and leans forward on the table, taking my hands in hers and squeezing it softly. "I might have met you while you were already transitioning to this new and better version of yourself, but let me tell you that I am absolutely proud of the man you become."

"So am I."

"As for this proposal, know that I will support whatever decision you take, even if I will be left very sad not to have you around me anymore."

"I´ll feel the same," I say while nodding and leaning down to kiss her hands.

"Have you told Armie about this?"

"Not yet. I´ll tell him once I´ve made my mind." Charlotte arches an eyebrow and shoots me a look, to which I roll my eyes. "Things are completely different now, okay? We´ve talked many times about something like this happening, he knows it´s my career and my decision to make, he also knows I couldn´t even think about something like this without considering how it would affect our relationship."

"I was just asking. You are two intelligent adults, I´m sure you can deal with this in the best way possible." I nod and watch as a smirk takes over her face, which makes me furrow my eyebrows. "Now, you must have an inkling on whether you´re gonna say yes or no, right?"

"Maybe."

"Will you tell me?"

"Nope." 

"You´re so mean to me."

"No, I´m not."

"I´m sure Ansel knows."

"He does."

"I knew it."

 

*********

 

The sun is back in Stuttgart and the temperatures seem to increase as the days go by. I walk around the streets with Charlotte, enjoying one of my rare free days by doing some shopping, eating junk food and visiting parks and museums. We stop by a store, my eyes wandering through the showcase as I try to think of something I can buy for Armie.

"I don´t know about you, but I think an edible jockstrap would be a lovely idea."

"I´m sorry, what?"

"An edible jockstrap."

"You have got to be kidding me, Lotte."

"Oh c´mon, Tim. I know you and Armie like to get freaky in bed, so to me it seems like the perfect idea."

I burst out laughing, shaking my head as she lets out a couple of giggles. I take a couple of deep breaths, wipe away the tears that have formed in my eyes and look at her, a wide smile on my face.

"I was thinking of something he could leave at his office at the academy, but sure an edible jockstrap seems a like a great idea."

"Stop laughing!"

"I´m sorry, but where the fuck did that idea come from?"

"I saw it on a sex shop the other day."

"And instead of buying for your guy, you thought I would enjoy it better."

"Sadly, my guy would never wear a jockstrap....but when we´re talking about you and your guy, things might change."

"Well, he has never worn one but thanks to you, now I can´t stop imagining how great his ass would look."

"To be fair, his ass looks great in anything."

I shoot her a look, which makes her shrug. "Stop staring at my boyfriend´s ass, Lotte."

"That´s not something nice for you to ask me, Tim. His ass is amazing, it´s impossible not to look at it."

"Seriously, stop." 

"So possessive," she mocks as she walks past me and goes on down the street, leaving me behind with my mouth hanging open. I rush over to her and she links her arms with mine as we head towards a little secluded cafe we found out a couple of months ago. 

The place is small, has great food, drinks and it seems like not many people have yet discovered, which is great for when you´re trying to avoid big crowds. I take a seat on an empty table near the window and Charlotte does the same, instantly checking her phone for any missed calls or messages. I watch as she arches an eyebrow and lean forward, slightly worried that something might have happened.

"Everything okay?"

"My mom called me a couple times and asked me to stop by her house. She says it´s nothing serious, but now I´m worried."

"Lotte, you can go if you want to."

"Are you sure? You´ll be here on your own?"

"I can manage a drink on my own, Lotte. Go see what your mom wants, I´ll be alright."

"Okay," she quickly gets up and reaches for her things, kissing my cheek before she rushes to the door. "I´ll let you know what it is."

I nod my head, chuckling as a couple of people look at her confused. I lean back on the seat, take a quick look at my phone and then place it down on the table, checking on the menu to decide what I want before the waiter comes along.

"I knew it would be a long shot, but a part of me really wished I would run into you."

I look up immediately, the voice still fresh on my memory even if I haven´t actually heard it in almost two years. I frown as I see her standing there, blonde hair falling in perfect waves down her shoulders and her bright red lipstick contrasting with her big blue eyes. Differently than the last time we were in a cafe together, this time she has a soft look upon her face, a small smile on the corner of her lips. Another proof that June has been a strange month to me.

"Catherine, I didn´t know you were in town."

"I got here last night, I had a few business meetings this morning." I nod and she points down to the chair. "Can I sit here with you?"

"Yes, of course."

"Thanks," she says and places her purse down on the table. There´s a moment of silence, both of us with small smiles on our faces, but unsure of how to proceed with conversation. So many times have I wondered how it would be to be face to face with her again, how I would react to it and now that is finally happening, I forget everything I have ever thought good enough of an approach. "It´s been a while, huh?"

"Almost two years, actually."

"You might not believe me, but I was really happy when Armie told me you guys had gotten back together."

"He told me how much you helped him get back on his feet, he told me you even encouraged him to try and talk to me before I left New York." She nods, but remains quiet, her eyes down to her hands. "I have no reasons to still be mad at you, Catherine. What you did is in the past and like I said the last time we met, I´d love for us to have a good relationship, because I love your brother more than anything and I don´t plan on walking out of his life anytime soon."

"If you do, then we´ll have a problem."

We both chuckle and for the first time ever, I feel actually comfortable around Catherine. I watch as the waiter approaches our table and gives us a small smile.

"Möchten bestellen Sie?"

I turn to look at Catherine, an eyebrow arched. "What do you want?"

"Just an Iced Tea is alright."

"You sure?" She nods and I turn back to the waiter. "Einen Eistee und eine Pink Lemonade, bitte."

The man nods and quickly walks away, leaving us all alone once again. As I turn back to Catherine, she has an impressed look upon her face. "Your German sounds amazing."

"Now I am actually proud of speaking German, but when I got here it was a total mess."

"As my brother loves to say, you´re a very talented young man and you learn things quickly, I´m sure you did great."

"Does he actually talk about me with you?"

"Tim, you´re all he talks about." I bite on my lip, feeling my cheeks flush as Catherine chuckles. "Every time I hear him talk about you, I feel even worse for the things I said back then. I was so scared for him, so focused on his career that I didn´t realize soon enough just how happy he was with you. And surprisingly enough, now he looks even happier."

"Why is it a surprise?"

"I´m used to hear people saying with time relationships get dull, but that doesn´t seem to be the case with you guys."

"Give us a few years."

"You two seem to find love in the small things, Tim, that´s why it never gets dull."

  
  


********

 

I wrap a towel around my waist, push my wet hair back and stare at myself in the mirror. It has been quite a tiring day for me, but to be honest that´s the usual lately; there´s always so much to do, even my days off seem demanding. I walk out of the bathroom, a yawn escaping me as I make my way to the kitchen, preparing myself a cup of tea.

I take a few sips, and sigh as the warm liquid goes down my throat and the sweet taste brings me some comfort. I take a seat on the swivel chair and open my email, giving one last look at the dreadful email before I start typing my reply. Two weeks, it took me two weeks to get my thoughts together and weight the pros and cons; two weeks thinking of the consequences of such change, not only professionally but also personally.

I bite on my lip, a little smile creeping on the corner of my lips as the cursor blinks on top of the send button. I take a deep breath, click on it and lean back on the chair, letting out a sigh before I chuckle. I can´t way to tell everyone about this. I can´t wait to start this new chapter of my life.

I get distracted by the sudden beeping sound, close my email and smile as I see Armie´s face on my screen. I hit accept, wave over at him and watch as he arches an eyebrow, a smirk coming to his lips.

"Well, hello there."

"Like my look?"

"I absolutely love the minimalism of it. Would like it even more if the towel wasn´t present, I think it kind of interferes with the whole idea you´re trying to convey."

"Fancy way of saying get naked, but I liked it."

"I´m a gentleman."

"Of course you are."

He winks at me and then fixes himself on the chair, leaning against his desk. "Tell me, are my glasses playing tricks on me or I just saw a picture of you and my sister on your Instagram?"

"Yeah, that happened. I was at a cafe and she showed up there, so we sat down for a chat and after about an hour we were out in the streets of Stuttgart, shopping and talking about you."

"My worst nightmare." I gasp and he chuckles, shaking his head. "Seriously, it´s great to see that you two are finally being able to have a relationship. I couldn´t have asked for anything else in the world, you getting along with my family is all I need."

"We´re not just getting along, we´re now Instagram friends." He rolls his eyes and I wink at him. "In all seriousness, it felt good to talk to her and push back any resentment that we still had between us."

"What about your break? Do you know when it´s gonna be? I thought we could plan a little vacation."

"You´re just about to open the academy, Armie. You can´t stay away for too long."

"The good thing of having an academy now, is that I am not the only one working. I can organize things and designate people to stay on my place. Besides, I´m not talking about a whole month vacation, I´m talking about three or four days."

"Okay, you´ve convinced me. When I get there we will take a few days for the two of us."

"I can´t wait for it."

"Me neither, I have feeling it´s gonna be an amazing time."

Armie frowns, an suspicious look on his face. "What are you hiding from me?"

"I´m not hiding anything from you, Armie. I have some news that I will tell you soon enough, though."

"Why not now?"

"Because I want to tell you in person."

"Are you pregnant?" He mocks and I burst out laughing. "Seriously, what is it?"

"I´ll tell you when I get there, which will be soon. Not as soon as I wanted, of course, but soon enough."

"Tim, is okay that you won´t be here on opening day, you´ll be here for as long as it lives and that´s what truly matters."

"Thank you for understanding, for being better than I was when it was the other way around."

"You were in a lot of pressure, it was understandable." I shoot him a look and he chuckles, shrugging his shoulders. "Okay, maybe you overreacted a little bit, but as I said before, we can just push that back. It´s on the past and it doesn´t matter anymore."

"I have a hard time forgetting about the shit I do, but you know I try."

"I know." 

"I should go to sleep, I´m super tired and I need to wake up early tomorrow."

"It´s okay, babe, go rest and we´ll see each other soon."

"I´m counting the days."

"And when you´re here for an entire month, I will annoy you so much you´ll want to get on a plane and run back to Stuttgart."

"I doubt," I say with a cheeky smile as he shrugs. "Get some rest too, okay? You deserve it."

"I will. Love you, babe."

"Love you, Armie."

 

 


	72. Chapter 72

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can't imagine a world where we wouldn't find each other.”

I bite on my lip, a sigh escaping me as I stand in the middle of the now empty apartment. I shed many tears here, spent cold nights doubting my decision to leave everything in New York, I had nights filled with meaningless sex, I lied on this floor and promised someone a life that I knew I would never be able to give him. Stuttgart taught me so much about life, about myself and about owning my mistakes. Stuttgart gave me the opportunity to spread my wings and grow into a better person and a better danseur. Strangely enough, Stuttgart even brought me Armie back and for that I´ll forever be grateful.

I wipe away the tears that are threatening to fall, put on a smile on my face and take one last look around the place, making sure I am not forgetting anything. The memories of the last time I did this, nearly two years ago, fill my head and I realize that while the last time I was scared, this time all I can feel is excitement even if it's still nerve wracking.

My phone vibrates on my pocket and I reach for it, smiling as I see a message from Ansel. Alongside with my parents, he is the only one who knows about my decision and the enthusiasm and support he has showed me during this new chapter of my life is truly heartwarming. Not that I expected anything else from him.

I type a reply quickly and then look it over my shoulder as I hear a knock on the door. I rush over to it, a frown upon my face as I am met with a bouncy Charlotte, who has discharged her bags all around the hallway.

"We´re going to New York!"

She practically screams in my ear, her arms wrapping around my body in a nearly suffocating hug. I stand still, allowing her to let out all her excitement and chuckle as she pulls away, doing a little dance as she looks at me with her big brown eyes.

"You´re so excited about this trip one would think it´s the first time you go to New York."

"It´s not the first time, but it has been over four years and I love New York, so allow me to freak out a little, will ya?"

"Freak out all you want, Lotte."

She winks as she walks past me and inside the apartment, only to run back out once she remembers her luggage. She struggles to get her bags inside, then throws them all right in front of the bathroom door before sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor.

"This place looks bigger when it´s empty."

"As most places do." She sticks her tongue out and rolls her eyes, making me chuckle. "You know I only rented this place because I was running out of time? I was one week away from moving, I had to decide and this one seemed the less scary."

"Scary? What are you talking about?"

"I had spent the last four months basically sharing an apartment with Armie, whether it was his or mine. And then all of a sudden I was all alone in a new country, with a new culture and I was feeling so vulnerable that I needed a place that was small so I wouldn´t feel lonely."

"Tim, you never told me that."

"I never told that to anyone." I look down at her and she smiles. "But now I can only think about all the memories I had here, the good and the bad, and honestly I love this place just as much as I loved the old one."

"And now you´re going to a new one."

"No, I´m going back to my home now."

"Are we talking about the man or the apartment?"

"They are both my home."

Charlotte gets up, a wide smile on her lips as she walks to me and takes my hands in hers. "I´ve told you this already and I will probably say it many times before I get back here, but I will miss you so much. You walked into that cafe as a regular customer and by the end of the day you were already one of my best friends."

"I owe you so much, Lotte. I wouldn´t have survived this place without you."

"You owe me nothing, Tim. I was a pleasure to be with you all these months and I´ll kill you if you don´t come visit."

"Don´t worry, I will come."

"Your sexy boyfriend is welcomed too."

"Of course he is, how will you survive without taking a few glimpses of his gorgeous ass, right?"

"You know me so well." I chuckle and pull her into a hug, burying my face in her neck. She strokes my hair and then pulls away from me, placing a quick kiss on my cheek. "Can we stop with this drama now? We have a whole week together before we actually say goodbye."

"Yes and we also have a flight to catch."

"Do you think we´re gonna be there on time?"

"I´m pretty sure we will. But as long as I manage to actually be there for him today, that will be enough for me."

"He´s really lucky to have you, you know?"

"I´d say we´re lucky to have each other."

  
  


**********

 

It´s two in the afternoon, the sun is high in the sky and there´s not one cloud in sight. Is a warm day, one of those where all the parks are overly crowded, cafes put their tables out in the street and kids line up behind ice cream vendors. I inhale deeply, close my eyes and smile to myself, feeling the all too familiar New York scent I have always loved.

We stand in front of the airport, waiting for our Über to arrive as I take in the sight ahead of me. I love the chaos of this city, the diversity and the influence it causes on people and culture. There´s nothing in the world like New York City.

"Tim, our car is here."

I turn to the side, watch as the car parks right in front of Charlotte and grab my bags, nodding politely at the driver as he gets out of the car to help us. We both get inside, Charlotte smiling from ear to ear as the man drives away from the airport and we finally get a good look into the city.

"Are we on time?"

"Right on schedule. We´ll leave your bags at the hotel, then drop my things at home and we can walk to the academy from there, it doesn´t take longer than fifteen minutes."

"How you´re feeling?"

"Nervous as hell."

"Why?"

"Lotte, I´m basically moving in with my boyfriend without him knowing about it."

She rolls her eyes and nudges me softly. "You were living in another country and yet you got the keys to his apartment, I highly doubt he will be disappointed to have you with him every single day of his life."

"I hope you are right." She shoots me a look and I shrug my shoulders, letting out a chuckle. "I´m messing with you, I wouldn´t be doing this if I wasn´t sure he would be okay with it. It´s not like we haven´t talked about this before either, we always made it clear that once we were in the same country, we wanted to be in the same place, share a home."

"I hate this expression so much and it´s so 2019, but you guys are truly couple goals." I laugh, leaning me head against her shoulder as she lets a hand rest on my leg. "I really hope this new cicle of your life comes with a lot of happiness and love, Tim. You and Armie deserve to be happy and build a life together that will fulfill both of you and bring joy even in the worst moments."

"That´s all I want, Lotte. To be with him, support him and watch him grow." I sit up straight, look over at her with a smile. "He´s my person and I´m not gonna let him go for anything in the world."

 

*********

 

I stand in front of the three store building with a bright smile on my face. The lights are all on, the plaque with his name on is so new it nearly shines, there's music playing and I can hear chatter coming from the inside. Exact two years ago, I sat on my balcony and fantasized about my hot and mysterious ballet teacher. Today, I stand in front of his academy, ready to share the rest of my life with him.

Safe to say my life changed in ways I never had expected, but as I look back to everything that happened, the good and the bad, I wouldn't change anything.

I sigh, look at the building one more time and then push the door open, my eyes wandering through the whole place. My parents are talking to Victoria in a corner, Catherine is standing along with Ansel and Olivia, Jack is taking pictures, while Sarah is by the buffet, stuffing her mouth with the appetizers. Charlotte squeezes my hand, points to the stage and I instantly turn around, my heart filling with pride as I see Armie stand there.

I try to blend in as much as possible, trying my best not to draw in any attention and smile as he approaches the microphone, a light blush on his cheeks. Armie is a great speaker, his voice is soothing and he can charm everyone very quickly, still he absolutely hates being put on the spot in this kind of way. Put him on a stage and play some music, he will forget about the world; give him a microphone and he will die inside of embarrassment.

"Good afternoon," he says, getting everyone's attention. "I'm Armie Hammer and I want to welcome you all to our opening ceremony. I'm not really good with speeches and everyone who knows me, knows that I do my best not to talk in public, but I want to share a couple of words with you all."

I bite on my lip, feel a hand on my waist and turn around, smiling wide at Sarah, who looks at me confused. I signal her that we will talk later and she nods, standing beside Charlotte.

"....and this place has been a dream of mine for half of my life, so to see it finally coming to life is something really emotional for me. Before my father died, he made sure I knew this dream was worth fighting for and that even if he wouldn't be here, he still would made sure he helped me in some way. For that, and for everything else he has done for me, I will always be grateful..."

I wipe away my tears, knowing just how much he would love to have his dad here with him right now and let a sigh escape me. He looks so happy, so emotional and proud. I can't believe I am here to witness this.

"...I also want to thank my mother and my sister, who taught me about strength and embracing your fears, acknowledging your struggles. They have been by my side throughout all my life, guiding and loving me, each of them in their own way. To my friends, thank you for being here through the ups and down, for sticking with me even when I am the most annoying person in the world. And the most important of all..."

Charlotte and Sarah turn to me, wide smiles on their faces as I bite on my lip, my cheeks flushed.

"...the person who has been my rock throughout the last two years of my life, someone I lost, but that life made sure to bring it back to me. Sadly he can't be here today, the cons of dating a very talented danseur, but I know even from afar he is somehow here with me today. Timothée has made me a better person, has inspired me with his talent and made me see the world in a different, brighter way."

Charlotte nudges me, a smirk on her face as I chuckle, shaking my head.

"And to you all, old and new students, professors and friends, I count on you to help me make this place one of the greatest ballet academies in New York City. Thank you for coming and please enjoy what we prepared for you."

I blink away the tears, a huge smile on my face as I watch everyone clap for him. He made it, he finally made his dream come true. I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around, realizing basically everyone has joined me in my little corner.

"Hey mom," I say before hugging her as tight as I can.

"I'm so so glad you made it, he will be so happy to see you here."

"I'm happy I got to see all of this."

Ansel clears his throat and I turn to look at him. "No offense, but are you really gonna stand here and chat with us instead of going over to him and telling the news?"

"What news?" Olivia and Sarah ask in unison.

"You didn't tell Olivia? Wow, that's new."

She frowns, looking from me to Ansel. "What are you keeping from me?"

"I'll explain everything in a minute," he tells her before turning back to me. "And you, go get your man before he gets swamp by reporters and you have to wait hours for some time with him."

I nod, wave at them and quickly make my way through the people, reaching the end of the stage in record time. I stand there for a moment, watching as Armie says goodbye to a couple of friends and then take a few steps closer, trying my best not to be seen.

"I have a feeling your boyfriend would've loved to hear that speech."

He stops, turns around slowly and looks at me with wide eyes. "Tim, what are you doing here?"

"Wow. I expected a better welcoming from you, Mr. Hammer."

He chuckles, closing the gap between us. "I thought you could only make it on Tuesday. Doesn't your break start on Monday?"

"Actually, my break started Wednesday, but since I had some things to deal with I could only make it today."

"Wednesday? Why you didn't tell me anything?"

"Because I wanted to make you a surprise." I say while holding onto his waist, a wide smile on my face.

"I can't believe you're here. I can't believe you actually heard everything I just said."

"Oh, so I wasn't supposed to know?" Armie shrugs, a cute little smile on his face and a glow on his eyes. He's just as happy as I am.

"I can't believe I'll have you all to myself for the next month."

"About that, I wanted to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Do you think there's any chance I can stay with you for a bit longer than a month?"

Armie looks down at me confused, his fingers playing with the hem of my shirt. "Tim, you know you can stay for as long as you need. But can I ask why?"

"Oh, nothing major. I just got a job offer from New York City Ballet."

"You what?"

I nod, a smug look on my face. "They said they have been watching me for a while and they would love me to join them here. It's a pretty good offer, you know?"

"Are you considering taking it?"

"If I am considering? Armie, I've already signed the papers."

He remains speechless, his blue eyes down on me and his lips twitching to the side in an attempt at a smile. I hold onto him a bit tighter, arch an eyebrow and chuckle.

"You're not gonna break up with me, are you?"

He shoots me a look and I laugh as he engulfs me in a tight hug. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, my hands grabbing fistfuls of his shirt, keeping him close to me for as long as possible. This is my new normal, Armie with me every day and every night, his scent, his body, his everything. With me. Forever.

"Does that mean you're here for good? You're not going back to Germany anymore?"

I shake my head, cradling his face in my hands. "My bags are already at your place and..."

"Our place." I nod and he sighs, leaning his forehead against mine.

We rub our noses together, chuckling at the silliness of it before we actually allow our lips to touch. It starts out slowly, us savoring the moment, enjoying the taste of one another after weeks apart. I wrap my arms around his neck, feel his hands tighten around my waist and smile through the kiss.

 

**********

 

Low music plays, people gather around, chatting, eating and drinking while on the large screen by the stage, photos and videos of ballet are shown. There are quite a few reporters, all demanding Armie's attention and asking the same questions over and over again, which leaves him bored and slightly annoyed. He takes photos, pulling me with him for a few, but them letting me go back to my family and friends. It's a tiring job entertain all the guests, which are all desperate for his attention, but it's easy to see how happy and comfortable he actually is tonight.

He catches my eye during yet another interview, gives me a quick wink while the reporter looks away, but goes back to his serious Mr. Hammer persona the moment the man turns his attention back to him. I chuckle while shaking my head, turn around and take an appetizer with me as I walk over to Ansel and the girls. I make a couple of silly faces, stick my tongue out and laugh as Emma giggles, her chubby hands reaching out for me.

I take her in my arms, snuggling my nose on her shoulder and laughing as she squirms on my arms. Olivia stares at us with a broad and proud smile on her face,  her arms now wrapped around Ansel's waist. I look at them for a moment, then turn my attention back to Emma and just now realize how much like them she looks. I can't wait to watch her grow up and become a beautiful and powerful woman, just like her mother.

"She really loves you," Olivia says.

"I'll be honest, I was scared she wouldn't like being around me since I have barely seen her ever since she was born."

"She can sense you're a good one," Ansel says and I chuckle. "Unconsciously she already knows Uncle Timmy is here for the rest of her life."

"Good, because is totally true."

I take a quick look over my shoulder, smile a little at Armie as he takes a couple of photos with Catherine and their mom. They are a gorgeous little family.

"You can't help but smile whenever you look at him, can you?"

"Oh c'mon, Sarah. Look at him and tell me how can you not be hypnotized by that smile."

"He really is happy."

"The happiest I have ever seen him."

"Which makes you incredibly happy too," Ansel adds and I nod. "I'm really happy for you guys, you know. You're finally able to be on the same place, doing things the way you always wanted to do."

"It feels really good to know I'll come home to him every day. And it also feels amazing to be with you guys again."

"I agree with that," Sarah says while wrapping an arm around me. "This town ain't the same without you, Timmy."

"It's well known I am the soul of New York City, Sarah."

"So maybe we could go out and enjoy the night with the soul of the city."

"Oh, I would actually love that, but..."

"But he is all mine for the night and there's absolutely nothing you guys can do about it," Armie says while wrapping his arms around me. He kisses my cheek, his fingers tickling Emma's stomach and making her laugh.

"You heard the man."

"I'll give him back to you guys tomorrow, I promise."

"Please, make sure he is able to walk then."

"Sarah," we both groan and she laughs, shrugging her shoulders. Armie looks back at me, gestures towards the front door and I promptly nod. I handle Emma back to Olivia, who smirks at us, and giggle.

"Have fun guys," the girls say in unison as Armie takes my hand and leads me out of the theatre and down the stairs.

I wrap my arms around him, lean my head against his shoulder and let out a sigh as I feel the cool New York breeze hit us. Armie wraps an arm around my shoulder, his finger rubbing the skin he can find; his touch makes me calm.

"Ready to go to your new home, Mr. Chalamet?"

"New? That apartment has been my home ever since I stepped there for the first time, Armie."

"Okay. Then you ready to go back to your new old home?"

I chuckle, nodding my head, but then I stop. Armie does the same, looks down at me slightly confused and I smile.

"Actually, can we stop somewhere else first?'

"Where?"

"Come with me," I say while taking his hand and leading him in the opposite direction.

********

"You think you're gonna miss this place?"

We stand in the middle of Armie's old studio, his hands on my waist as I rest my hands on his chest, my eyes wandering around the entire place. The lights are on, the windows open and the memories that flood my mind are almost too much to handle. The things I have gone through here, the memories Armie and I created inside these four walls, they will always be with me, despite whatever happens in the future.

"If I will miss it? I already miss every single detail about this place, Tim. This is where it all began for me almost eight years ago, this is where I learned to become a better teacher, where I watched kids who were already good become great. This is the place where everything started for...."

"Us," I finish his sentence and he simply nods. I bite on my lip, take a step back and smile as I stare up at the ceiling. "You told me that you fell in love with me the moment you saw me for the first time."

"That's right."

"Have I ever told you when I fell in love with you?" I turn back to him, watch as he shakes his head and smile, pointing over to one of the windows. "I was leaned against this window. It was snowing outside and while watching it fall to the ground, I kept talking and talking, while Ansel pretended to listen. Then suddenly I hear this thundering voice, a voice that instantly made me turn around and search for the owner of it. You were standing exactly where you are right now, black shirt, black tights, your dark blond hair slicked back and your blue eyes glowing at the anticipation of a new class. You talked for a couple minutes, yet I don't remember one single word, because I was so hypnotized by your face that nothing else mattered. And I thought to myself how hard it would be to concentrate when I had such a hot teacher, but then you started dancing and what I saw was so graceful, so beautiful that I still can't put into words. I fell in love with you the minute I saw you dancing, Armie."

Armie stays silent, but there's a thousand emotions going through his eyes as he walks towards me. He holds onto my waist, lifts me up so I am sitting on the window and I wrap my arms around his neck. His thumbs brush against my cheeks and I lean in to his touch, my hands wrapped around his wrists. I close my eyes as he leans closer, kisses me softly on the lips and then leans our foreheads together.

"Thank you," I practically whisper.

"For what?"

"For deciding to become a teacher, for opening this studio and giving us the opportunity to meet."

"We would meet anyway, Tim. I can't imagine a world where we wouldn't find each other."

"Random luck of the universe then?"

"You could say so."

I chuckle, bringing him even closer to me and resting my head on his chest. I close my eyes, listening to his heartbeat as he strokes my hair. We stand still for a moment, breathing each other in, savoring the seconds we have together even if from now on those seconds are not limited to the weekends anymore, even if we now have eternity to cherish them.

When Armie pulls away, he has a smirk on his face and I frown, trying to figure out what he has in mind. He takes my hand in his and pulls me with him to the middle of the room, both of us facing the mirror. I bite on my lip, look at him through the reflection and he nods, serious as ever. I squeeze his hand, get en pointe and in a matter of seconds, he has me spinning around the room, doing Arabesques and dipping me to the sides. With a tight hold on my waist, he pulls me closer to his body, puts me in position and then lifts me up in the air.

  
  
  



	73. Chapter 73

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of their Pas de Deux.

_ December 2020. _

  
  


Sweat drips down my forehead as I push the new couch to it´s place, throw a mantel and some cushions on top of it. Letting out a long breath, I push myself up, hands on my waist as I take a quick look around the apartment. One of the walls now has a black and white graphism, the little living room area is not on the opposite side from where it used to be, the desk Armie used to have is now a little bit longer and able to fit both his and my stuff without any problems. 

The posters on the wall now are representative of both mine and his preferences, just like on the shelves both his books and mine lie harmoniously. We have added a couple of photos of us, our friends, family and some of old ballet presentations of us. I take a sit, lean myself back on the couch and cross my arms, a wide smile coming to my lips as I take in the whole place.

We spent nearly an entire month going on about this renovation, Armie trying his best to cope with my crazy ass mood swings as I tried to figure out exactly what I wanted to do with the apartment. For some weird reason, maybe for being overwhelmed with everything I had to do at work, I kept changing my mind about nearly everything and I don´t even know how Armie managed to go through all of this without telling me to fuck off.

I was a bitch and he still did his best to keep himself calm and help me figure out exactly what I wanted. 

I walk over to the windows and take a look outside, the moon shining bright down on the city, illuminating all the trees, cars and people that walk by. By now it should be starting to snow, but it has been a weirdly warm December and it seems like this Christmas will be a lot less white then people would like it. Not that I mind anyway, this will be my first Christmas with Armie and that´s truly all that matters to me right now.

I look over my shoulder as I hear the sound of keys and smile as Armie slides the door open and walks in, plastic bags on his hands and a surprised look upon his face as he looks around the entire apartment.

"What the hell happened here?"

"I stopped being a little bitch and decided to actually do something about this place, so I took the last three hours to fix everything." I bite on my lip, cocking my eyebrows as I wait for him to say something. "So, what did you think?"

Armie walks towards the kitchen, placing the bags down on the counter before walking to me, his strong arms wrapping around my waist. "I think it´s looking beautiful and a lot more like something that belong to both of us."

"And you´re so relieved that I finally finished this renovation that anything would look beautiful to you. Am I right?"

"Kind of," he says while frowning his nose, his thumb stroking my back. "Don´t get me wrong, I wanted to make sure this place was as much yours as it was mine, I wanted to make sure you felt at home and I was excited with the renovation. But I´m not gonna lie, Tim, you were driving me insane with all the sudden changes you were doing."

"I know, I don´t know what happened, but it´s over now and we have a beautiful apartment."

"It really is looking great and I can´t believe you actually did all of this by yourself."

"By myself? Ansel was here until half an hour ago, but Olivia called and he had to leave."

"Should have figured that one out."

I chuckle, shrugging my shoulder as Armie pulls me even closer to his body. I wrap my arms around his neck, rest my head against his chest and smile to myself when he leans down to kiss my hair.

"Are you hungry? I bought us some Chinese food."

"It´s like you can read mind sometimes, I was craving for some Chinese for a few days now." 

I lean on my tiptoes, place a quick kiss on his lips and then take his hand in mind, leading him to the kitchen. I swiftly unpack all the boxes, taking a look at each one of them before taking a seat at one of the stools and diving straight into it, which makes Armie chuckle.

"What?"

"How much food can someone so small eat?"

"Hey! I´m not that small."

"Just a little bit," he says with a grin as I roll my eyes. "But I´m not complaining, I´d have you in all sizes."

"That´s good to know, I´ll remind you of that phrase when I get old, fat, grumpy and slightly deaf."

"I didn´t say anything about grumpy."

"Oh, so that´s your main problem?"

"Babe, you´re already a bit grumpy, I don´t know if I can handle anymore."

"What the hell are you talking about? I´m not grumpy at all."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I´m not."

"Tim, c´mon."

"That´s so not true, I´m not grumpy." Armie shrugs, turning his attention to his food and I sit there, staring at him in pure disbelief. "Are you fucking serious? You think I´m grumpy?"

"I can´t believe this is actually making you worried." I shrug and Armie laughs, cradling my face and bringing me closer to him. "No, I don´t think you´re grumpy. Well, you are a little bit, but mostly on the mornings."

"I hate you," I whisper between our pressed lips.

"That´s one big fat lie."

"Yes, it is."

  
  
  


*************

  
  


I grasp onto the sheets, sweat pours down my body, my hair falls down on my eyes and my moans fill the air. His large hands holding tightly onto my hips, keeping me in place as he traces down my spine with his wet and warm lips. I gasp loudly, his tongue running all the way from the tip of my cock to my puckered hole, my whole body trembling. 

A loud fuck leaves my lips as he knots his fingers on my hair and pulls my head back, his dominance over me driving me crazy. I bite down hard on my lips, close my eyes and ravish on the pleasure that takes me over with every single move he makes and every single touch against my skin.

His beard rubs against my ass cheeks, his nails digging through my skin as I moan uncontrollably, every single nerve in me reacting to him. His teeth bite on my skin, his tongue penetrates me and I have to bury my face in the pillows to muffle my moans. I nearly sob as his hand finds my cock and he strokes me, painfully slowly, teasing me as much as he can, knowing full well how much he affects me.

I´m nearly begging for mercy when I feel his weight over me, his chest hair rubbing against my sweaty back, his beard on my neck and from his lips the most filthy words echo and fill my ears. He entwines our fingers together, bites on my ear and then guides his cock inside of me, my back arching more and more with every inch of his that enters me.

His thrusts are slow but full of force and everytime he goes fully inside of me, I can feel a shiver run down my spine and my toes curl up until I can nearly feel cramps. He rubs my ass, his heavy breathing on my ear matching mine, our sounds echoing throughout the entire apartment, which seems to be wrapped around a fog of pleasure.

He keeps on going, his body slamming against mine, his speed increasing and his stamina never slowing down. I move my arm back to touch him, scratch my nails against his skin and let his name leave my lips over and over again. He kisses down my neck, my shoulder and every little bit of skin he can find, his cock throbbing inside of me as I nearly break down every single time he hits my prostate.

A fire consumes me, my body shaking from head to toe, my mind going blank for a good minute before my cock starts throbbing and sperm shoots out onto the bed sheets. I take a couple of deep breaths, clench my hole against Armie, milking his cock until he shoots his load inside of me, a loud grunt escaping him.

I collapse face first on the bed with Armie on top of me, his sweaty chest rubbing against my back, his hands brushing against my sides, soothing me while I try to recover my breathing. I look over at him with a smirk on my face and he winks, reaching out to kiss me quickly before rolling onto the bed, arms and legs wide open.

I lie still for a couple of seconds, then roll onto my back and move closer to Armie, leaning my head against his chest. I let my fingers trace up and down his chest, play with his chest hair and smile as he leans in to kiss my forehead. I snuggle even closer to him, take in his scent and close my eyes, feeling my body and mind relax completely.

We lie there in complete silence for a couple of minutes, simply enjoying each other´s presence. He strokes my back, kisses my hair and entwines our fingers together, his soft breathing soothing me even more. I could stay like this for the rest of my life and I know I would never get tired of it, not when he´s right beside me, not when it´s his face I wake up to every single day.

Our peace is disturbed by the sound of our phones beeping, which causes us both to look at one another in confusion. Armie reaches for the phones on the nightstand and hands mine over before he takes a look at his, a sigh escaping him. I frown, open my messages and see there´s at least three messages from Ansel and some others from my mom.

"The dinner," I mumble as Armie nods and tosses his phone back to the nightstand. "Do we really have to go?"

"I think your mother would kill us both if we don´t show up."

"I could talk to her, maybe she will understand it." Armie shoots me a look and I sigh, throwing myself down on the bed again. "Fine, but can we have five more minutes?"

"I think if we stay here any longer we´ll either find ourselves a little too busy or we´re gonna fall asleep, so I say we hit the showers now and make sure we´re there on time."

"But that´s not fair."

"C´mon, stop whining." He jumps up and stands his hand out for me, arching an eyebrow as I shake my head. "C´mon, Timmy, we have to go."

"I can barely move my legs right now, Armie. And is all your fault, so..." I squeal as he takes a hold of my waist and pulls me up and over his shoulder, slapping my ass so hard the sound seems to echo throughout the entire apartment. "I don´t know about you, but doing this isn´t really gonna help me get more excited about this dinner."

"It sure gets you excited about something," he mocks as I laugh and hold tight onto his waist as he walks down the stairs and over the bathroom.

  
  


*********

  
  


Every sound and smell seems to be enhanced around me while I walk around the streets of New York, trying my best not to trip over my own feet. My hands are on top of Armie´s, who cover my eyes as he whispers on my ear, trying his best to guide me. We left the apartment a couple of minutes ago, drove until a certain point of town and from then on he has been extremely secretive on where we are headed.

I take in a couple of deep breaths and frown as the unmistakable smell of the ocean fills my nostrils, leaving me even more confused and curious. I bite on my lip, trying my best not to make any questions so I can fully enjoy the surprise he has prepared for me, but to be quite honest is getting harder and harder to do so.

Over a week ago he told me not to plan anything for my birthday, because he wanted to prepare something for us to celebrate together. I didn´t even think twice before making sure any other celebrations were pushed back to the following day, since all I actually wanted was to spend most of my day -or the entirety of it- with him. We´ve met each other over four years ago and yet this is the very first time I am able to celebrate my birthday with Armie, so even if I don´t know what we´re doing, I´m sure this will be the best birthday I ever had in my life.

"We´re almost there now, okay?" I simply nod, feeling Armie´s hot breathing against my skin. "There´s a couple of steps now, so be careful."

"Okay." 

A cool breeze hits us as I reach the last step, suddenly feeling the ground move beneath my feet. I frown once again, my head moving from side to side as I try to understand what is going on. Armie chuckles, places a short kiss on my cheeks and then removes his hands from my eyes.

"You can open your eyes now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Tim, I´m sure."

My eyes open to the most breathtaking view ahead of me. We´re standing on a boat, the river ahead of us and moon shining bright above us. The boat is immense, twinkling lights all around us, a thick blanket spread on the floor with cushions, champagne, cheese, ham and bread on top of it. 

I turn to face Armie with my mouth hanging open, my eyes probably glowing as I stare at him in pure awe. His cheeks are flushed, his ocean blue eyes staring at me and his lip trapped in between his teeth. He seems nervous, eager to know what I think of all of this.

"You´re quiet. Should I be worried?"

"You do know you didn´t have to do all of this, right? I was okay with us staying at the apartment, ordering some take out and watching movies."

"I know that. I also know you´re turning twenty five and that we never had the chance to celebrate your birthday together, so I wanted to make the best out of it."

"Armie..." I shake my head, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning on my tiptoes so I can lean my forehead against his. "I love you so much, you don´t even have idea."

"So you liked it?"

I chuckle, bringing him for a deep and passionate kiss, my fingers sliding to his hair. "I loved it, Armie. I loved every little thing about this and I still can´t believe you had all this trouble."

"Trouble? This was nothing, really."

"Right, I´ll pretend I believe that." Armie chuckles, holding tightly onto my waist and pulling me even closer to his body. "Thank you."

"C´mon, I still have something else to show you."

"What?"

"Just come," he says while pulling on my hand and leading me towards the large blanket that lies on the ground. Armie sits down and I sit in between his legs, leaning my back against his chest as he reaches for the champagne bottle. 

I push myself away from him for a moment, roll my eyes as I watch him out on a show as he opens the bottle and cheer as the popping sound echoes in the rather quiet night. He hands the bottle to me and I gladly take a few sips of it straight from the neck, licking my lips afterwards. 

He takes the bottle from me and takes a few sips himself, wrapping am arm around my waist as I lean back against him. My eyes wander around the place, a wide smile on my lips and a sense of fullfilment like I never felt before. One of my fears when I moved back to New York and moved in with Armie, was that we could get bored of one another or find out that the basically marriage life we were suddenly living were not actually something for us, but as the months go by, I notice we get even closer to one another. I still learn new things about him every single day and he still has the power to calm me down with only a couple of words. 

"You said you still had something else to show me. What is it?"

"Yeah, so I thought that since we´re both about to go on a little winter break, we could take this time to go somewhere nice. You know, just the two of us, experimenting some new food, visiting new places and checking in on a gorgeous and expensive hotel."

"That sounds great, actually."

"I´m glad you said that." 

I look over my shoulder, cocking an eyebrow as I watch him reach for something in his back pocket, a smirk plastered on his face. He hands me an envelope and I look at it for a couple of seconds before turning my eyes back to him, shrugging my shoulders.

"What is this?"

"Open up and see it."

I do as told, taking two flight tickets out of it and allowing my eyes to scan through the whole thing. My heart starts pounding on my chest and I stare into the pieces of paper in my hand for a good minute before looking at Armie once again, a broad smile on his face.

"We´re going to Greece?"

"We are."

I shake my head, place the envelope and the tickets down before turning around and standing on my knees, my arms wrapped around Armie´s neck. I lean my forehead against his, close my eyes and let out a sigh as he strokes my cheek.

"I can´t believe you actually did this."

"Happy birthday, Tim." Is all that he says before kissing my lips.

 

*********

 

I stretch out my arms above my head, get en pointe a couple of times and then roll on my shoulders, trying to relax my muscles. All the while, I stare at myself in the mirror, not being able to hide the concern and fear that is building up inside of me right now. I have presented myself many times in my life, the first time when I was only thirteen, I have been the main danseur in a production of the biggest German ballet company, I´m about to start on my first big production in the New York City Ballet and yet, dancing with Armie in front of all of our family and friends is the one thing leaving me scared shitless.

I hear the door open, look over my shoulder and try to smile as Armie leans against the threshold, his arms crossed and a beautiful and comforting smile on his face. He cocks an eyebrow, I shake my head and he instantly gets the message, closing the door behind him and making his way over to me with the sweetest smile ever on his face. He pulls me closer to him, his strong arms tightly wrapped around me and leans his forehead down against mine, his thumbs stroking my cheeks, his eyes locked on mine.

"What is going on, babe?"

"I´m scared, Armie. I´ve never been this scared in my entire life."

"Why? You´ve done this so many times before, why you're only now scared?"

"Because I can´t help but think I´ll mess it up and I don´t want to disappoint anyone."

"Who the hell do you think you´ll disappoint, Tim?"

"You, my parents, everyone else who is sitting there and waiting for us."

"You are the best danseur I have ever seen in my entire life, you leave people speechless with your talent, Timothée. If anyone should be worried here is me, it´s been nearly ten years since I presented myself to a theater full of people."

"You´re incredible, Armie, you have nothing to be worried about."

"And neither do you, babe." He says with a small smile, leaning a bit closer to give me a peck on the lips. "Listen to me, we created this whole show so we could raise money and help Mr. Ramirez´s institution, right?"

"Right."

"So we already did our job, now all we gotta do is step on that stage and do our best work."

"Okay, I hear the things you´re saying and yet I can´t process everything."

"Then don´t process, just close your eyes, take a deep breath, step on that stage and do what you do best, Timothee."

I close my eyes, take a couple of deep breaths and hold tightly onto Armie´s shoulders. I keep myself quiet for a few seconds, internalizing everything he has said and found myself slowly calming down. I open my eyes, watching as Armie smiles down at me and lean in to kiss him deeply, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Ready to leave everyone speechless?" He asks and I nod, taking his hands in mine. "Then let´s go."

Armie kisses my hands and then leads me out of the dressing room and down the hallway towards the backstage. We walk up the steps, stand behind the curtain and he squeezes my hand, winking at me quickly before turning back to the front, his face turning serious and confident.

The curtains slowly goes up and we walk to the middle of the stage, all the lights turning to us as a loud cheer from the audience echoes in the theater. We take a bow, let go of each other´s hands and I get en pointe, my arms in third position; Armie goes down in one knee, a hand standed towards me while the other rests behind his back, his chin up and his blue eyes locked on me.

The first chords of an instrumental version of Take Me To Church starts playing and my heartbeats increases, my whole body heating up. On my cue, I do an Assemble, lifting off the floor on one leg, and landing on two, my legs assembling at the same time and returning to fifth position. I then execute a series of slow Pirouettes, while Armie dramatically drags himself to the other side of the stage, his hands traveling down his chest and going through his hair, as if he is in a deep stage of agony.

We both turn to each other at the same time, our eyes locked as Armie falls to the ground on his knees, clutching onto his heart. I do a Tour en L´air and then run towards Armie, who gets up in time to hold onto my waist and lift me up in the air. I keep my arms extended to the sides while Armie spins around, the way he holds me making me feel as secure as I have ever been.

Once he brings me down, I land on an Attitude and while holding onto my hand, Armie helps me spin on my axis. It seems like we go on for hours, our hands touching, our bodies brushing together, our movements synchronized and complementary. The song reaches it´s peak and I work on a Grande Jeté before doing yet another series of Pirouettes, my arms opening and closing with each turn. 

Armie runs to me, slides down to the floor on his knees and lets his hands slide down my body, until I am too kneeling down, my hands cradling his face. We lean our foreheads together, prepare to kiss but part ways when the beat of the song increases once again. We throw ourselves back, almost as if a bolt of lightning had fallen in between us; we remain on the floor for a couple of seconds, our chests heaving while we stretch our arms out, trying to reach for one another.

We get back to our knees, crawling towards each other while paint powder starts falling from the ceiling and coating our sweaty bodies, painting us in rainbow colors. Once we finally find each other again, we entwine our fingers and slowly get on our feet. We stand still for a minute, then move our legs in a semi circle before we part ways and stand face to face with the audience once again.

The music starts slowing down and we walk away from one another, our backs turned to each other. We then turn back around and en pointe, act as if we´re trying to pull one another closer, our bodies moving back and forth. We stop once again, remain completely still and then run towards one another once again, his hands holding onto my waist while I hold onto his shoulders and we spin around the stage. The music stops and so do we, falling to the ground side by side, covered in paint and breathing heavily. The lights come up, the audience stands up and the applauses echo in the entire room.

Armie and I remain lying there though, our fingers intertwined and wide smiles on our faces. 

This is it, our Pas de Deux is finished.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that Pas de Deux is over, I just wanted to take some time to thank every single one of you who took time of your lives to read this story. Every single comment meant the world to me, every single kudo and ask you sent about it made me smile more than anything in the world. 
> 
> I started writing fanfiction when I was fifteen, but none of it was as important as Pas de Deux was and a large part of that was because you guys made the experience a lot better. I never expected such a response, I never expected long comments or reaction posts to the chapters. You´re all amazing and I loved going through all of this with you guys.
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> I love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, tell me what you think and follow me on tumblr, I'm raquelsantos92


End file.
